Thank you very much for removing my photos Collarme.

The cab dropped me off on the corner and I looked  across the road and through the bushes where I could see the white van parked where he said it would be. I crossed over and as I passed the windscreen I saw the note. "Jen!... get in the back and follow the instructions", it said. After placing my bags in the passenger space I slid open the side door. A blanket had been hung behind the front seats so no one passing could see into the back. Against the blanket a 4'x3'x2'-6" high wooden box was placed and on top another note, 2 handcuffs, round sticky eye pads and a 2" soft red ball. The note said I was to kneel down in front of the box, cuff my ankles, put the ball in my mouth, put the pads over my eyes and then cuff my wrists behind my back. The note said I would have 15 minutes to do this or I would be punished. A mixture of fear and excitement was running through me as I clicked on the ankle cuffs, then realized that there was no key for me to undo them. My only option was to now complete the tasks he had set for me if I wanted to avoid his displeasure and punishment. After what seemed like an hour the door opened and he got in and re closed it. I wanted to say something to him and started to push the ball out of my mouth but immediately felt the palm of his hand pushing the ball back deeper into my mouth. Then the sound of tape being pulled of a roll and being wrapped around my head from under my nose to down and under my bottom lip. I was now unable to see or communicate and the realization of what I had done was sinking in fast. After tying my elbows together he returned to complete the securing of my head. Then after pushing plugs into my ears he covered them with pads and again used the tape to hold them and the eye pads firmly in place before pull over a tight fitting hood and lacing it up completely. I knew now that there was no way I would be free but it was only the start of how I was to disappear.

Someone suggested that I add to my journal about what I feel and think about and I might do that.

When I was 13 I saw a paperback on the cover was a girl in an open cabin cruiser out at sea. She was sitting on the side bench seats tightly bound, gagged and pads over her eyes. Arms tied behind her and elbows and wrists tied around the waist and chest. Knees roped together and her ankles were tied together in a metal bowl with side handles. A man was mixing cement and putting it in the bowl. The fear and panic I felt gave me my first massive orgasm. Since then that image has stayed with me and I think about it often and wonder what the real thing would do to me.