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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Hetero Male Dominant, 57,  California
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BareHandSpanks

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Friends:
SireKaneStrangeCalicovixenmaryellenSirCos
nicekitty

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If you are a student or professional, or journalist/writer looking to write a book, paper or study of any kind, let me know when you contact me or please do not contact me. No part of my profile, none of my communications, photos or text may be used without my expressed written consent. No photos on my page may be copied, transferred, duplicated in any medium without my expressed written consent and are copyright protected. Myers-Briggs indicates I am an ENFP for what that's worth. I only took the free test this time, but that is similar to an earlier result I took that was an actual test conducted for a job sometime ago. I am NOT looking to have a submissive at this time. I like to meet people and socialize. If you are looking for a Dominant for your personal pleasure, to have and to hold as your own, I am not he.
I will however always look for new friends and perhaps mentor someone under the right circumstances. I will also offer my protection to special selected individuals from time to time.

That said, I am an artsy guy. I am all about creating lovely images that people can enjoy. I am also a story-teller. My mediums of choice are photography and video.
I am very much a heterosexual Dominant. I do not sub, switch or do anything of that sort. If you are a Domme looking to convert someone, I am not he.

Also, I am not gay or bisexual. I appreciate anyone thinking I am attractive and am always flattered and thankful, and even willing to be friendly. However, if you have or had a penis, we can only be friends, no 'benefits'.

If you are an artsy person, I am particularly interested in speaking with you. I like fellowship with other artists, regardless of the medium (hope that statement does not come back to haunt me).

I am not looking for anything. The mere act of looking for something can blind you to the something that might be just what you want/need/desire. Looking usually has some preconceived notion attached to it so that you completely miss what is there in front of you because it does not fit your idea of what it is you are looking for.

I will NOT dominate you online. I will not expect you to use any type of protocol except for simple respect. I do not know you nor you me, and as such, I do not expect you to submit to me. More to the point, I am not sure I WANT you to submit to me.

Just because you have a vagina does not make you worthy of my attention. Just because you are considered 'attractive' does not mean I will be attracted.

I want mind, body and soul connections with real people. That does not mean we are going to be intimate or play, but it can open the door to the possibility.

I am not here to 'play'. I can play in real-time and prefer meeting people I can 'meat' when I want to. That does not mean I will 'meat' them, it just means if I am going to get aroused, I can choose to act or not.

Anyway, let's keep our focus on the mind for now. All of the extra curricular activities involving the touching of the flesh can be discussed if and when we should meet face to face and there is some kind of mutual attraction.

I am looking for people who will engage my mind and possibly serve as muses for my creative soul. I am looking for people who will bring more of that sense of wonder and awe about being alive. If this sounds like you, please, by all means write.

Know this- I am not here for Booty Calls or hookups. I can get those right here in the Southern California area. I don't cyber, I do not beg, I do not do any of those 'little dick' activities so many women here complain about. If I have written you it was because I found something in your photos and profile that caught my attention. I travel sometimes and like knowing where 'the spot' is or where I can hang out with some other kinksters, NO STRINGS ATTACHED. If I invite you to the Lair it is with the understanding you just want to hang out and there are NO STRINGS ATTACHED from me to you or you to me. I have no expectations of anyone I meet on this site. I do like to flirt because the energy exchange is nice. I like making people feel nice about themselves because that lift in their energy makes me feel nice.

So Ladies, don't get it twisted, I am not after you for anything but conversation. Beyond that is a whole other proposition...

Also, just because I am 'nice' do NOT mistake that for weakness or for a lack of willingness or ability to be that dark dirty bastard who would make you afraid of going into darkened rooms, or even a well lit room for that matter.

I pick and choose the time for the level of intensity and alternative behavior as it suits ME. I am in this world to fulfill my fantasies, wishes and desires. If your desires and wants happen to intersect or, more importantly, happen to be something I want to share and explore we can discuss that and see where it goes.

If you have not figured it out, communication is most important to me. I prefer knowing who I am dealing with. To start any kind of relationship without ground rules, wants, needs and desires being addressed is simply undesirable to me.

I am also looking for ladies with a desire for some bondage and e-stim play to be photographed for some fine art images. Are you one of them?

To reiterate:
***WARNING:
Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current
and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my
privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.


More later...

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 BareHandSpanks

 Dominant Male

 California

 6' 2"

 225 lbs

 57

 Hetero

 African Descent

 07/17/10

 

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Journal Entries:
7/19/2012 12:50:04 AM

I do not demand anything from anyone unless and until we have agreed upon a relationship of some kind. I will admit to having a 'standard' or watermark they must reach before I will even begin getting involved. The thing is, I do not demand or require you to reach that level. You either are or are not at that level in your lie experience. I have no contempt or disrespect for anyone simply because they do not meet my criteria or expectations. The beauty of people is that they can change and grow, sometimes in a very short period of time, under the right circumstances.

So to disrespect someone for not meeting my standards is really self-limiting. No one is here to please me unless and until we decide it is so, and thankfully, I am in full control of my part in this decision making process. I leave others to their own devices...


6/10/2012 1:06:30 AM

I love it when a woman whom I have never met tells me, with certainty, that she is more than enough woman and the only one I shall ever need; especially when she is 23 or even 30 years old...

I understand they might want to be the only woman I need, but that will have to be determined by the process of getting to know them. Contrary to what most of you women would like to believe, it is not all about the 'vagina'. Because you have been able to bring most men to their knees with your 'sexual prowess' using your 'taco',  does not mean that all men, more specifically, this man, will bow down at your 'alter' and be content (and goodness knows I love me some taco salad!). I need more than that one dimensional aspect of your Beingness to satiate my appetites.That is why some people need several people to fulfill their desires (had you not guessed that?)

Mind, soul and body are required, with emphasis on ALL three. The mind is the playground of choice, because with the right attributes, a beautiful mind helps form a beautiful soul and makes the body a beautiful temple. All wise men know where the mind goes, the ass will follow.

Pretty faces age, bodies wither, youth fades, but a beautiful mind can inspire a beauty that transcends time by the countenance it can bestow upon one's Beingness and the presence of the individual. Ever wonder why people like to trade in for newer models? The older ones lose their allure, especially when looks was all there was to them in the first place. There has to be a great mind to support that bangin' body.

So people, this includes men as well as women, you really need to work on those skills, not readily apparent to the untrained eye, to insure that, indeed, you are 'enough' to satisfy all the real desires that need fulfilling... Otherwise, you will be replaced, or not enough to be 'the only one'.

Then again, sometimes, people just like a little variety now and then...


6/9/2012 9:26:39 AM

Just read the profile of 'uninhibitedwench' that proves an earlier point I was expressing, anyone wanting attention on any website, simply create a profile saying you are a woman, without showing anything much about yourself and the boys' will flock to you profile..

I love a good photo and clever messages as much as anyone, and reading her mocking tone clearly shows her contempt for all those 'little dick' minded guys who are SO desperate to get her attention, correct or express just how much they are 'the one' who is 'right' for her, without so much as knowing if the profile is created by a woman of any sort.

One need not wonder why there are so many women who are frustrated and who prefer the company of other women over these little boys who have to respond to a a profile or why there is a proliferation of fake profiles online...

Desperation is such a weakness and sad state to live in. Women can see the desperate from blocks away, or at a glance, sitting in the bar, driving their car or anyplace these guys go to attempt to 'get some'...

Online, they post some kind of photo and sit back and watch the puppies try to wrestle and get a teet... Silly boys...

Nothing is more satisfying than having real meetings with people you can look in the eyes and see where the energy flows.


6/8/2012 6:54:57 PM

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results..."

-Albert Einstein 

 

Writing people here on CM is much like that quote. I prefer meeting people in real life. It is quick and to the point. No bullshit, one knows what's up rather quickly... at least I do...

 

Writing someone, I take the risk that someone has the same level of competency and understanding (or better) of the English language as I, but that is not an assumption I dare make, so I keep initial emails short.

 

If someone REALLY wants a lot of attention, all they need do is post a female photo of any reasonable attractive body part and sit back and watch the little dick guys try to get a piece...

 

Some females do not even post any words or info at all and are inundated with emails...

 

No, I am not jealous, on the contrary, I understand that for most guys on here pussy is stronger than dick (cock) all day long. These 'submissives' understand that too...

 

The Domina's are banking on it (some literally), not to slam Domina's. They are doing what is only right for them and those who choose to serve them. So, the world is good and all is as it should be...

 

I will see you at the Lair sometime, maybe...

 


5/31/2012 4:05:28 PM

I am only interested in REAL TIME meetings. I will not waste valuable time chatting for weeks or months trying to determine and/or establish trust behind the veil of the internet. If you live in the Southern California area, I usually suggest meeting during the daylight hours at some public place, like a Starbucks, Denny's, etc.


Better still, come on down to the Lair de Sade on a Saturday Evening. If we arrange to meet, you will not have to worry about anyone 'bothering you', as the Lair is a Safe, Sane and Consensual private members only club. Kane, the owner, takes personal security of patrons very seriously, and we members will not allow anyone to ruin or upset the wonderful energy that has been established at the Lair for more than 15 years.

 

If I invite you to the Lair, you will need to let me know when you plan to visit, so I can make sure I am actually there. If I am not there, I can still arrange for your name to be on the guest list so that you will be able to enter.

 

So enjoy yourselves. I hope you can appreciate my desire to keep things as real and safe as I can possibly arrange to...

 

 


5/19/2012 8:17:04 AM

You 18 to 24 year old females who desire to be a slave need to learn that your youth is a blessing, and you should utilize your youth to learn some skills that will support yourself in the manner in which you would like to become accustomed.

 

In all your youthful 'hotness', some of you seem to believe your looks will last forever and carry you into some idyllic future with some guy/gal who has lots of money and will lavish you with a lustful lifestyle where you can be chained up and used as a sex toy as he pleases...

 

The reality is, after your looks are used up, and one has explored and reamed out all of your holes and that sense of 'new car smell' has faded, you are completely and entirely replaceable. Unless you have become indispensable to your owner by performing ALL the menial tasks he would have to ordinarily perform. Like keeping the house in order, washing clothes, managing the household, meals, etc.

 

The character 'Peggy Bundy'  in the old sitcom 'Married With Children' sat around all day eating bonbons while her idiot husband worked some menial job to support her sitting on her ass. A slave who expects to be chained up naked in a cage all day, while her owner is out working or taking care of business, is,in effect, no better than Peggy Bundy (unless her owner is inordinately wealthy). What a master needs is a slave to keep the household looking good and running smoothly. There is no time for that ass to be laying around all day...

 

If I go to work, you better believe, your ass will be doing something to support my efforts to take care of us. This posting was inspired by some silly little female who asked if she should get rid of all her clothing... FOR WHAT reason would any sane man want that? Pussy is great. I LOVE me some good pussy! And new good pussy is even better. However, after that ass has been tapped, unless there are a whole lot of extenuating circumstances beyond just the pussy, I have NO use for you.

 

There is always NEW pussy to be had. Some of that new pussy is attached to females who really would enhance my life in ways I could not believe or imagine. Why should I settle for just 'pussy' when I could get me a woman who enhances my life and makes EVERYTHING BETTER?!?

 

So, please, for your own sakes, develop some skills beyond being a slave. Know how to cook, clean, balance a checkbook and/or run a household. Your master will want to keep you around because he/she cannot live without you. If you really want to do something great for your master, have a career making some money. Remember, there is always new pussy out there and it is looking to be found...

 

You have to remember, you could be replacing someone just like you who only brought some 'holes' into their life. You need to be someone they cannot live without to be a keeper...


5/6/2012 4:29:42 PM

First thing, you cannot effectively warn other women unless you go onto their pages, see where he has befriended them and tell them about your experiences. Or, if you have a network of female friends you are in contact with, you can have them spread the word that way. Most of the women I know do not cruise other women's pages looking for men. So all your warnings you post on your page only go to men looking for women.


Quite honestly, when I see a woman with a lot of warnings about men on her page it makes her look like the one with a problem because she cannot seem to choose the right guys to hang out with. If you have lady friends, I would write them directly and keep it off of your profile page, it would be a great deal more effective if women were to do that than try to embarrass and humiliate some guy on their profile.


You see, I have known guys who were flamed on someone's page merely because the woman was incensed because the guy refused to play the game she was trying to play, or meet whatever demands or requests she asked of him. 
As a man looking at profiles, I only see your side of the story. When there are several guys mentioned and ALL of them are flakes, it gives me pause. Having had females get angry at me because I said something they took as an insult (why would I insult someone I am attempting to get to know?) who then turned around and wrote bad things about me on their profiles or flamed me in chat rooms, I can tell you there is little a guy can do online to stop being called all sorts of names. 


So I have learned to take most of what goes online as one person's experience that may or may not have any real merit. I also will avoid any and all potential sources of difficulty.
I would recommend geting rid of all references to unpleasantness. I would only post positive feelings and ideas. Your profile is oftentimes the first and only representation of you a possible suitor might see. When you see someone complaining and lamenting about how badly they are being mistreated at the hands of countless men, or read that most of the men on any site are wannabe's or losers, it is a possible indication that there are other factors at work than the guys being jerks.


If, on the other hand, you are always talking about the great guys you are meeting, and what a wonderful times you are having, men will think you are attracting great guys, must be fun, and someone worthwhile to meet... Would you want to meet some guy who is always talking about the unpleasant experiences he is having with women? If you read someone's constant failings and complaint's at the hands of women, who would you think had the problem?
Someone who attracts lots of problems usually has lots of problems. I do not think anyone wants to add to their problems, except perhaps someone who has those same problems. Birds of a feather, so to speak...


The best way to find quality people is to get out and go to social events, BDSM events, munches, socials, classes or any other place kinky people congregate. Online meetings are OK, provided there is a mutual hangout spot you can meet. I stopped trying to meet people one on one simply because I was almost always disappointed because they misrepresented themselves in their profiles. It is an instant red flag if they do not go out and meet people or have no friends whatsoever in the local fetish community. It does not mean they are bad or losers, just 'suspect' until I get to see them eye to eye. People can type whatever they feel will best represent them online, but that first eye to eye meeting sets everything straight. I set my eyes upon you and I will know your truth within moments... My guts never lie and I can see more than what's apparent because I see with my feelings, body and brain all at once.


I am fortunate to have a club I belong to with a community of people who all know each other. It is easy to verify who a person is by who they claim to know. I know 'someone' who virtually knows 'everyone'. If they are not known, they remain suspect until we meet face to face. Even when someone I know knows the person in question, regardless of what I might be told about an individual, I reserve the right to have my own opinion and not be put off because 'someone says' something about the person I am asking about. I have my own mind and form my own opinions.


So, get rid of all those comments about this guy and say some wonderful things about yourself that will inspire someone to want to meet YOU. We look at your profile to read about YOU and not some freaking guy you had a problem with. I m not going to be spanking any guys any time soon so I do NOT want to read about them! If I am reading your profile, I want to read about you and the reasons why I might be interested in getting to know you...


1/21/2012 9:30:46 PM

What pleasure do I get from dominating?

 

This was a question posed to me by a submissive. I thought I should make it a journal entry as I do not want to have to rewrite it and am not sure I will be willing to explain to simply anyone who might ask, because it is not an easy answer... The response follows...

 

You must understand that it is NOT solely about pain, but rather the whole dynamic range of sensations from extreme pleasure, as pain, and the opposite, extreme pain as pleasure. To focus on only pain is like being forced to paint with one color. There is no contrast or difference to inspire the energy exchange that is the fundamental driving principle of all dynamic relationships...

Domination is not something one merely 'does', think of it as more an extension of who a person 'is'. I did not choose to be Dominant, I was always Dominant and choose to express what is my nature and not making this up as I go along. Being 'submissive' is not something that feels correct. Think of it like someone who is naturally left-handed being forced to become right-handed because to be otherwise is 'evil'. While being submissive, for me, could be coerced through conditioning or force, it is simply not the natural way for me to be.

Pleasure for me, in terms of the dynamics of a relationship between a man and woman or consenting adults of any persuasion, revolves around energy exchange. To be more specific, it is my pleasure to inspire strong feelings through stimulation of the mind, body and soul in my woman  to the point that she experiences sensations in such a way to experience pleasurable feelings. This could be from simply speaking to her or doing a very broad and dynamic range of physical sensations from something as the touch of a feather, to as heavy as a nice solid oak paddle striking her offered ass to me to do with as I please...

Pain is not the objective for me. I am an artist who paints with many colors, and pain is just one. I enjoy discovering those things that would reduce my submissive to a mass of quivering flesh, soaked in our co-mingled bodily fluids, capable of nothing more than moaning and involuntary trembling from the he intensity of the combined experiences of our sharing in Erotic Power Exchange (E.P.E.) and power/energy exchange.

The beauty of this experience is that it takes active participation from both people. I cannot force you to share in the experience. I can force you to go through an experience, but I cannot 'make you enjoy it'. I would be successful only as much as I have earned your trust and willingness to share yourself with me. Taking someone without their consent has its pleasures. Breaking someone's will or spirit, that is bending their will to mine, is another distinct pleasure, however, the most dynamic exchange occurs when there is a conscious decision between the two people to willingly engage in an experience the total purpose of which is to communicate to one another love, trust, passion and desire. That means being able to look into another to the point where you can see the totality of their 'beingness' without judgement or opinion and see what is there and accept what you see, good, bad or indifferent.

I cannot speak to what others might desire or their motivations. I am not simply a sadistic person who enjoys beating on women. That is simplistic and ultimately like masturbation or eating Chinese food. It is good for the moment but not something that satisfies for the long term.

This is not a slam on people who 'switch', however, choosing to do both is easy, because being committed to dominance or submissiveness takes a commitment and a choice to take responsibility for who and what you are. Some people like 'the best of both worlds, in many aspects. Being a bisexual switch is a wonderful thing for those who choose that lifestyle. They have a great deal more opportunity to experience pleasurable situations than I. I am not bisexual and I do not switch.
Homosexual acts do not appeal to me. I have no desire to suck a dick or take one up the ass. Those acts are fine if that is your thing, but neither appeals to me. Bowing down before a woman is not something I would ever willingly do without coercion, that is being force against my will. This also applies to homosexual acts. To be certain, these are not acts I will ever willingly participate in.

I do not 'push' my submissive towards anything. By contrast, it is my intention to discover the best of what she is as a person and explore and nurture that. I am only as strong as the company I keep. Show me the woman a man sleeps with and I will tell you what he thinks of himself. The reverse is true of women.
Degradation, as a kink can be fun and serve as a means of discovering long held secret beliefs someone has about themselves and serve to eradicate feelings that are not healthy or that keep an individual from realizing their true potential. Calling someone degrading names can be sexy and perhaps fun, for some, but the simple truth is, I do not want a 'bitch' or a 'whore' in the sense of someone who has no self worth or who is  degraded, insane or mentally deficient person incapable of being loving, kind and a full fledged partner and person worthy of my time, effort and energy. . 

Someone who is a total fuck-up and someone I have to watch and monitor their every move is too much like having an animal I keep for company. If I want that kind of companion it is easier to get a dog, a horse or even a ferret. The woman I choose to put my meat in has to care enough about herself to take responsibility for herself, body, mind and soul so that I can function in the world as an artist, make money and contribute towards helping create an ever advancing civilization.

The goal of a relationship between man and woman is simple. I want a whole person, who is capable of standing alone, but who, when we come together as one, we complete each other such that the two individuals are greater than the sum of the two individuals and operate for the benefit of the other.

As to being able to see yourself being manipulated for my pleasure, that is not a problem, it is very easily done.  I am not worried about a little sass, up to the point that it defeats the purpose and intent we are together. I cannot tolerate nonsense that has been explained and agreed upon as destructive to the relationship, that is not acceptable as it becomes tiresome if someone makes the same mistakes as is not capable of learning. I do not need more discord. I seek relationships that are dynamic and grow towards making the world a better place by example.

I do love spontaneity. A sudden slap, or simply bending you over and having my way with you someplace where we might get caught, while irresponsible, can be quite exciting. Because I do not do drugs of any kind and only rarely drink alcohol, my 'drug of choice' is passionate intense intimacy. That could take the form of a spoken word, or perhaps a well secured, remotely operated and controlled switch that I trigger at the most inopportune moment or during a conversation in public. 

It is not a relationship if I do not know and respond to those things that get you excited and help you approach the mindset of being a willing participant in our pleasure. Understand that 'our pleasure' is really MY PLEASURE. It is my goal and desire to be able to wring as much pleasure out of you as I can stand, because that is what gives me pleasure. For me to have an orgasm, I only need my two hands. For me to achieve a blissful state of pleasure, I need to have one who is willing to allow me to make her completely naked and do whatever will result in the most intense communication possible.

My number one rule for a submissive is ALWAYS PROTECT THE PROPERTY. You are not subjected to anything that will damage or devalue your worth to me. My submissive is priceless to me, as a result, I will not damage the goods to the point I no longer desire to have it, that is pointless...
I could say more, but this should answer most of what you asked and perhaps some of what you did not ask...


12/6/2011 8:18:57 AM

The way I use this site is to make an initial contact that is followed up by a face to face meeting in a public place we can both feel secure. Chances are, I will NOT be writing pages and pages of 'double-spaced' emails to appease the curiosity of the '...what will you do to me?' nonsense because, firstly, I do not know you, and secondly, I am not even sure I will like your mind, energy or attitude until after we have met and talked face to face. How could I possibly know what I will do to you? I can do all sorts of things to you, but I need some frame of reference first.

Online, you can fake all sorts of things. There is nothing like the truth one can discover simply looking into the eyes of another person.The eyes don't lie.

Additionally, people who have their 'shopping list' of demands that must be fulfilled before they will entertain a meeting usually have another agenda. This is not to say one should not have some criteria to weed out undesirables, but to expect long detailed explanations of the who, what, why, when and where of what 'maybe will happen' between us is just a little silly.

When I write someone who has a very detailed profile, with lots of pictures, that is a nice thing. However, until I set eyes on them and can feel their 'energy' face to face, all those words and photos mean little. It is extremely easy to say who you are for some people. I find it is very difficult to 'BE' who you are for most people.

You would not believe how many times the photos do not match the person...

As a Dominant male, I refuse to try and convince you of who I am. You will either 'feel me' or not. I have nothing to prove to you. Neither do you have to prove anything to me. I will either 'feel you' or not. I am not here to have sex with you, beat you, spank you or be your Dom or Master. I do not even know you, so how can I assume to be that person for you? I have NO expectations of you. I do not even know if I like you yet.

That said, how can I know what I want to do to you? while people refer to 'play' quite often in reference to 'kink', this is not 'playtime' for me. It can be playful and lots of fun, but learning about a person takes something else. To get what I want to experience is a process that will include fun, and thoughtfulness. 

My time is precious and I do not want to waste it. Having a 'quickie' is not bad, but if one is not careful, they could come away with something that could kill them. So I approach each new encounter with eyes wide open and sensors at full.

So, I will not write long emails. If one cannot take the time to read some of what I have written here and make a decision that after a few exchanges that we should meet, I wish them well. I will NOT jump through any hoops and do not expect you to, unless and until it has been established that it is desired.

Face to face meetings, while taking more effort, cuts through all BS and ends up saving time. Working that first meeting into an activity you both enjoy, without expectations or hidden agendas is key to finding people with whom you can build friendships and more.


10/15/2011 10:29:23 AM

These people who do most of their kink online without ever going to functions, such as seminars, munches, festivals or even the occasional play party (where, usually, one is not required to play-as in safe, sane, and consensual?), really have me wondering what they are basing their 'wants, need and desires' on.

I read profiles where these people will go meet some person they have only had online conversations with at some restaurant for the "first time" meeting, in the evening (dark), in an area they are directed to, or go to some ones motel room, or even worse, someone's home. This violates personal safety rules that anyone who has been around other kinksters talk about ALL THE TIME (or should). I actually saw in a profile how this woman was driving around at 2am looking for the house of some guy she had not met, and was angry that he got her out on a wild goose chase!?!

To have some new submissive start of by telling me what she is not willing to experience, (except for kids, bestiality, scat and urine play) is always interesting for me. I cannot tell you how many times I have watched people say all of what they are 'not into' become totally converted and all about whatever is being done to them..

If you have not had an experience personally, or watched then talked to someone who has done something you consider 'insane', it is difficult to have any reality about that experience. Granted, there are some things I will simply never do or experience AFTER having seen them performed real time. Some of them I know I am not interested simply hearing about them.

The essential difference is, however, I have actually been places and talked to the people who have done these things, as well as done a few things myself, mind you, just 'a few' things... and no, I am NOT a novice..

The point is this, you CANNOT learn about kink sitting at your computer. You MUST get out and meet people. There are all sorts of activities you can go to to simply watch and not be harassed by someone trying to get quick piece. Unfortunately, there are trolls everywhere and you simply have to deal with them.

Get out, go to activities. In southern California, CM has munches where you can meet people without fear of them doing anything to you. I am sure there are other places that have the equivalent.

I have met very few women who, when introduced to spanking by someone who understands how to prepare them, has not had a wonderful experience, though sometimes scary and perhaps even a little painful. I have had a couple of initiates curse me, then call me a couple of days later to ask me when I could spank them again.

So, get out, meet people, ask questions. when you are ready, choose one of these people you have come to know and trust to share an experience in kink with.

If you are in SoCal or near North Hollywood, hit me up and I can take you someplace where you can watch, have a good time, and not have to worry about being assaulted, unless you want to be assaulted... SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL are words to listen for and live by...

 


10/4/2011 8:45:30 AM

The phrase 'I am too much for most people to handle' is a a cry for attention. Usually it means a person has no self-control. More importantly, in order to 'get what they want' they will dare you to try and 'handle' them putting the burden of success or failure of any potential relationship on the person making the attempt.

When things do not work out, then it is not the fault of the person that needs to be 'handled', it is just that they are are living up to the idea they are too much work for any one person to deal with.

I will totally agree with anyone who says this about themselves without the need of having to suffer whatever it is they may do and give them wide berth.

The real deal is anyone who thinks they are 'too much to handle' is someone with self-control issues. So, before anyone gets the benefit of any advantage there might be in knowing you, they have to suffer through whatever you decide to throw at them?  Why the hell does anyone need to suffer through BS in order to have a relationship?

More importantly, who is in control when one partner starts the relationship off with a dare? Any so-called 'dominant' allowing themselves to be sucked into this 'topping from the bottom' scenario deserves all the pain and suffering of trying to reign in someone who has made the decision to fight you at every turn and make the already laborious task of having a submissive, or owning a slave even harder. Having a relationship requires a lot of energy, hard work and dedication. Having a relationship with someone who says they intend to fight you and force you to 'break them' or 'make them obey' is even more challenging.

The sad part is, these people who are 'too much' for anyone usually have self-esteem issues and are looking to discover that someone loves them enough to put up with their worst and will not leave them if they 'mess up'. So, they choose to start off being horrible instead of actually putting in the work to discover what it takes to have a real meaningful relationship. They choose to put the 'burden of proof' onto the person attempting to control them instead of choosing to be a part of an interactive, communicative relationship.

Really, it is like taking in a problem child who has never been loved and quite possibly been abused who reacts and is motivated by fear, rather than dealing with a mostly functional human being.

The whole idea of having having a dominant prove themselves to you, submissive, in order to 'tame you' instead of you having to prove that you are worthy of his attention and affection is exactly the opposite of a D/s relationship is about. Sounds like a Domme with one of her subs...

Granted, there are those people who love a challenge. It is a game, even a 'kink' to 'break someone' like this. I am willing to acknowledge that. However, as a Dominant, before I start down that path of having to prove anything to anyone, they have to inspire me with more than a dare and promise of something more than having to deal with their BS in order to get what I want.

I will leave those of you who choose these situations to your own devices and simply state that this situation is not my kink.


9/3/2011 2:00:27 PM

One of the things that really puts me off is the lack of understanding about what the words 'dom', dominant or to dominate actually mean. I will not list those definitions here. If you are a submissive, it is important for YOU to look up and define all these words for yourself.

Do not look to me or someone else to do that work for you. It imparts that you are lazy and ignorant if you do not, cannot or will not define what you say you want or what you are. I cannot tell you how many women and men cannot express in their own words what the words actually mean.

Yet, they will come here and complain about 'real dom's' and have NO CLUE what that is. A real dominant person has control of themselves and their emotions. Occasionally, they might become angry at blatant ignorance, or rudeness, but the dominant men I know will never engage in an argument or become insulting because you do not respond to an email. Why should he? There are a great many women who are willing, ready and able to give him what he wants without complaint.

There are so many people on all the various sites that claim whatever they need to claim to get what they want. I am not saying they are liars, I am saying they are misinformed and ignorant as to the nature of what they claim to be. That goes for 'dominants' as well as 'submissives'.

Getting angry because someone refuses your advances, does not meet your wants/needs/desires is childish. Just keep it moving, getting angry only shows your weakness and lack of self control. That means you submissive people who get angry and call someone a fake for refusing to put up with your stuff, too.

I wish you all the very best. I hope you clearly define who you are and what you say you are. I mean, get the dictionary out and look up the words dominant, submissive, domination, submission, submit, gift (for those of you who like that phrase 'gift of submission'- a most oxymoronic and insulting phrase). If you do not like what I am saying, or have problems with it, do not get angry, write me and share your thoughts with me and expect that I will respond. If you read more of my journal entries you will gain insight to what I say and why I say it. It is a lot of reading, I will admit. Understand that it was a LOT of writing, and I do not desire to rewrite what has already been covered. If you are going to be involved in life, you really need practice the art of communication.

People are dying in the world because of words and ideas that are not properly understood, taken out of context, or manipulated for someone's own selfish wants, needs and desires. On line relationships are no less affected due to the same confusion and misunderstanding.

I will be open to any argument that is not insulting or attacking me personally. I am not attacking anyone personally, just stating my opinion. As a human being, I can do that. You are not required to read what I write and I do not know most of the people who could possibly read this. So I am not writing to anyone personally, if so, this would be in their inbox. You are, however completely entitled to disagree and let me know about it if you care to.

 

 


8/14/2011 4:38:08 PM

The problem with any kind of dating site is quite simply this; I cannot say all men or women, but it seems that men are looking for something quick and right now, and women are looking for something lasting and stable. Mind you there are exceptions, but this seems to be the problem and why women think so many of these guys are 'fakes'.

In order to get the attention of men, some women will post all sorts of pictures on their profile. Men like to see tits and ass and eat it up. It does not seem to matter that tits and ass are pretty much the same, some better or 'not so much', guys want to see what a woman is working with. Women on the other hand do not necessarily want to see a guys dick, unless and until they decide they desire to play with it, beyond that, it is just some guys little/big peter...

It takes a while for some guys to actually get into emotional connections, mostly because of the conditioning of our society. A woman needs to go through a maze of things to finally reach a guy emotionally. Women, on the other hand, have been put in touch with their feelings and conditioned to believe in feelings. Sometimes feelings overtake common sense and allow a woman to believe they can deal with someone who is really a leach. (This paragraph opens up a whole discussion on those people men/women who go for the money.)

All of this is changing because the roles of women in our society are changing. This is creating confusion in both women and men. Still, there are women who believe because they give up the goods to a guy that he will 'be the one'. But people will say and do anything to get what they want..

The people referred to as 'fakes' are chameleons who will take whatever shape and form they need to sample the goods,get the money, tap that ass or to get whatever it is that you have that they want.

So, what is one who wants something more than a string of meaningless trysts to do? I think we need to join groups of people who have the same interests in the various things we like to do, volunteer to help others who are less fortunate, develop an interest in something that will improve ourselves as individuals, and when we need to, from that group of friends with common interests, find someone who is willing, ready & able to help us relieve the stress we need to. Or practice celibacy, if that works for you.

To go 'looking' for something sometimes blinds one to something else that might be right in front of them and is actually better suited to their wants, needs and desires.

The answers are not simple and often times do not come quickly (unlike some guys from what I have heard)<an attempt at humor----<<

So, do not get frustrated. Try listening to your guts. Just because it looks, acts, talks, or walks like whatever it is you think you know you want, does not make it so. These 'fakes' are not faking at all. They are doing exactly what they need to do to get what they want, sometimes at your expense. So what are you to do?

Do not look to hit a home run every time you come to bat. Believe that lightening can strike, but it is better to make a good connection with the ball and see what happens. In terms of relationships, that means establish good communication as much as humanly possible. Use all of your abilities, mind, body and soul to get a 'read' on a person without injecting your hopes dreams and aspirations into and onto this person. People will tell you exactly who they are if you listen closely enough with impartial eyes.

Most people will say and do what they think you want in order to get what they want. Then, afterwards they will revert to who they really are.

This might not help many people, because they want what they want right now, regardless of the potential consequences. As a man, I enjoy the ravaging and power exchange that some women can yield. that does not mean I want a permanent relationship with them. I had to learn that the consequences of taking what I want, regardless of their wants, needs and desires has consequences for both of us, especially if I deceived them. Being a liar (by omission, or in fact) and hurting people hurts both people in untold ways. I have experienced many of the variables of that equation, and have learned to choose truth, even if it means I lose out on an experience that might be 'fun'.

As a result, I take more time to make sure that I communicate my wants, needs and desires and listen critically and carefully to those of anyone I show an interest in. This is why I say, 'I am not looking'. I want to experience people on a very high level of communication. I want energy and power exchange, I want to experience something as intense as a really good orgasm from simply talking with someone about those things we feel passionately about. Does it happen often? Not at all, but it does happen.

I know to most I am some kind of freak or oddball, but the beauty of it all, is that this is my kink, and I get to do it my way... How do you do yours?


8/14/2011 12:20:36 PM

I cannot remember the last time I had anyone refer to me as a 'BLACK MONKEY' as a racial slur but it is almost amusing. I forget that are racist people in the world. I know they exist because I have encountered much of it.

I wish that person and all people like that well. My life is full and complete without knowing you and/or interacting with you. Be well.

I have found that holding onto anger and hatred is like a cancer. Racism, sexism, and most of the other 'isms' are fear based ideologies as a response to self-loathing, ignorance and possibly events that triggered the initial fear. It is sometimes a case where one thing equals all things vaguely similar.

Well, it is a beautiful day, I have much to be thankful for, and this insult, like so many others will pass through me and be forgotten, just like the person who expressed it. I wish you well, may you find that which you seek. All is well in my world...

Perhaps I should 'out' this person as a racist and post it on my profile for all the world to see...? Well, no... I honestly hope they find happiness and comfort in the knowledge I was not looking for them anyway and will do just fine...

 

 


8/14/2011 4:17:19 AM

On a different note, I read these profiles of women who believe that who and what they are really about is somehow' hidden' from most people. I would agree with that, 'most people' are not attuned to the energy given off by someone who is searching for ways to discover 'new highs' without having to result to narcotics, alcohol or other forms of substance abuse.

I can walk into a room, and in the first five to ten minutes know who all the kinky people are. That does not mean they will be kinky with me, but I know who they are none the less.

So all you 'good girls' who think you are hiding that 'naughty side' from those of us who know what to do with it, be advised, we can see you just fine, it is simply inappropriate and not politically correct to approach someone about that kinky attitude they are hiding behind that good girl smile...

Besides, as I stated above, you might not be willing to share that with me so soon. I have frightened many women without saying a word, but they know I can look right through them. Those who know me best realize I am different but always a gentleman. It takes growing up and experience to learn how to behave so that I do not make women uncomfortable, even so, it still happens...

 

So, know that guys like me are looking and usually not letting on we know the freak in you, until you open that door of opportunity to let us 'discover' it...


8/13/2011 6:36:41 PM

My prior entry upset someone, because she felt that it was the just and right thing to do in 'outing someone in this forum. I felt it right that I show my response, so that I do not have to write each individual and to clarify my position in one fell swoop. Please, I invite your questions comments and criticisms.

My response follows:

That you were attacked at all is horrible and I am sorry to hear that. But 'outing people' in this type of forum does as much good as saying you saw something somewhere but really do not know who it was.

People can change screen names. People can fake profile photos. A more appropriate reaction is to go to the system administrator and inform them of what transpired as well as the authorities, i.e. the police. Together, they can find and prosecute or do whatever needs to happen to insure this cretin does not harm anyone else.

Aside from that, there are those malicious souls on both sides of this argument who will attempt to defame and otherwise ruin the reputations of people who refuse them 'services' or 'attention'. I have read accusations against people I know personally that were completely baseless, and upon closer inspection the person making the accusations was the party who was the abuser. I have seen Dominants who were prosecuted because the woman agreed to 'anything you want' then goes to the authorities with her bruises as proof of the wrongs done to her. I have known of women who were not careful that ended up in 50 gallon drums filled with acid...

I am totally in agreement that we must, as a community, weed out malicious abusers. I do not think this method of 'he said-she said' is effective and really does nothing to address the issue of malicious people being abusive.

As for you being attacked, and I am not trying to make you wrong, I have to ask you how and at what point in your getting to know these people who attacked you did they abuse you? I have mentored quite a few people, both male and female in the area of personal safety and in how to be able to identify possibly dangerous situations that could put you at risk of personal attack.

You mention this has happened to you on more than one occasion, so I was wondering if you would be so kind as to explain to me the situations in which you were attacked, perhaps we can find a solution or ways to identify methods you could employ to avoid situations like this in the future.

Simply outing someone is not enough. Just because you say someone did something to you does not provide me with enough information to be able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are being completely honest. Mind you, I am not calling you a liar, what I am saying is I only have your point of view and word as to what happened in those situations.

The point I was trying to make is simply this; this is a site where adults can come and meet like-minded kinky folks. The keyword here is 'adults'. You must take responsibility for your own safety and well-being. When you encounter a crazy person, who you feel wrongs/harms you in some way, posting something to your profile, that quite possibly no other women will really read (because they are mostly looking at MEN'S profiles and not other women's), without contacting the system administrator and your local authorities, you are essentially doing nothing. They person goes unpunished and few women, less those you know personally, will probably ever see your complaint.

The reason you are on this site is to meet like-minded people for kinky fun, with 'fun' being the operative word. So, as a male who is looking for said 'fun' as I wander through the other profiles here, I encounter all of your justifiable rage and anger because some jerk violated you (or not depending on whose side of the story you hear), I, as a reader, encounter anger, hostility, and fear. All of those things may be from something that was a really traumatic experience for you, a horrible experience for you. I get that. But on a 'first encounter' with someone that you are hoping will be the answer to the question of 'is this the person I long to share my life with?' someone starts off telling you about all the terrible experiences they have had, and how horrible this person and that person was to them, would you not be a little put off by hearing all of their horror stories right off? If the first impression I get from you is that you are fearful, angry, depressed or anything other than that 'fun' I was looking for, I will keep looking, and so will most other men who have options and can choose with whom they want to share their valuable time.

For me, it starts red lights, bells, whistles, sirens and all other signals of warning that this person who has had these multiple horrible situations is either a 'serial victim', does not know how to choose people, does not know the danger signs, or does not know how to identify the  potentially dangerous situations that lead to being attacked. Usually it is a combination of these.

So, again, I am NOT trying to make you wrong. I am really very sorry you were attacked. I am willing to try and advise you on how to avoid situations where you are vulnerable to help you be safe. I hope you take this response in the spirit in which it is intended, to help you feel safe, secure and not feel as though you need to out anyone, unless you are doing it in a manner that will have more results.

Sir Chaz

 

 


8/13/2011 3:36:08 AM

As usual, reading someone's profile has inspired this entry to my journal... She had, in capital letters, the profile name of some guy and a comment about how she felt about him that was less than flattering, meant as a warning to other submissive ladies to avoid this guy.

I do not understand 'outing' someone in your profile. It does no real good. Guaranteed there is going to be someone who loves this person you 'call out' and ignore your warning. What we are left with is, yet another angry person online who has had a bad experience. Bottom line, no one cares  and the result is it make the person writing the complaint seem angry. My response to her profile follows. (Yes, I know, it does not matter anyway, right?). I also edited and made some corrections as I posted it here...

.....

A word of advice, all of the poetry, nice thoughts and other ideas you might express in your profile are overshadowed by those strong negative words 'FAT DISGUSTING PIG!'
OK, we get it. He has done something to you that you did not like, a lot...
At first glance of your profile, I had to ask myself, what is the problem? When I realized it was an angry response about someone you name and warn others about my reaction was that you are an angry person. I do not see him doing anything, just your angry words. That type of comment first thing in a profile does not inspire me to want to look at YOUR PROFILE very much. It makes my first impression of you as yet, another angry woman feeling wronged and vocalizing and venting her anger in a public forum in a rude fashion. If you made an outburst like this in public people would look at you and wonder who the rude lady was...
When reading profiles online, people forget the first words on and in their profile are the first look into your personality we shall see. Seeing anger and all of that other stuff, regardless of whether or not it is deserved, is what we see and identify with you. That you would publicly call someone out in such a way is not very flattering to you. It really does not matter what he did because we only see you.
Have you ever been in a restaurant and seen someone get loud and start yelling? It does not look good and none of the other patrons are really interested in the disagreement. What matters is, they were looking to have a pleasant time and got caught up in someones unsettling argument. It is really no different here. I want to see and meet people who are pleasant and not arguing with someone I do not know or really care about.
So, you broadcasting to the world that this guy is a loser reflects more about who YOU are than what it says about him. Is THAT what you want? He is not in representing himself to the world, YOU are, and we only have your word for what happened.  You have only a few seconds to make a good first impression, and yours is anger about some guy who does not matter. Do you think that inspires someone to want to get to know you? Just a thought...


8/2/2011 3:50:22 PM

Why, when things do not work out between two people searching for that connection, do they need to resort to name-calling? Why is someone a 'fake' because they do not meet your expectations, or you theirs?

Can people just not move on and keep pushing towards their ideal scene without being spiteful and descend into childhood and call someone a fake? I just read another profile of yet another woman who is showing us just how miserable she really is by taking the time to belittle and otherwise malign some guy because he did not measure up to or meet her expectations.

I wonder if those people calling names realize that sometimes the amount of effort someone puts into them is directly proportional to the amount they are being satisfied? In other words, people who are completely turned on and excited to be with you will do all sorts of things to keep you interested and coming back.

Personally, if I encounter someone who promises to be awesome, but kills it with their attitude, I am going to make myself scarce very quickly. Whether or not I communicate exactly why it is not working for me is largely determined how much of a pain in the ass it will be trying to explain it is not working. I have been stalked and have no time for that kind of nonsense. I am NOT the guy to play those kind of games with.

So, ladies and gents, if I you write complaining about how another 'fake' has dumped on you, I wonder just how much of a pain you had to be to make them walk away? I think it is better to say nothing at all about anyone ho does not work out. After all, if you complain about too much, too many times, I wonder what is wrong WITH YOU that so many people cannot stand to be with you?

Have fun, stay positive, keep your eyes on the prize. Do not show your dirty laundry, people will find out eventually, so why volunteer it? Keep your profiles portals of light and 'wonderfullness' (not a word but I like it anyway). I guarantee you will attract more people that way, then you can sort through them and choose instead of waiting to be chosen...


8/2/2011 2:25:11 PM

Here's the thing, as things are in the real world including all of the fetish world's, those who are desirable or sought after make the rules, period.

For example, a male dominant who has their life in order, is fit, clean, healthy, financially stable, owns property, nice transportation and basically all that he needs to survive without the assistance of another financially, is in a place in life to pick and choose who they want to spend time with.

Quite honestly we all have the right to 'choose' however some have 'earned the right to choose' because of their accomplishments. This applies to everyone, male, female, Dom or sub, regardless of sexual persuasion or perversion.

That said, when I read profiles of people demanding or asserting their 'rights' about what is to be expected in a potential relationship, where do you fall in the realm of having earned the right to make demands on a potential suitor?

If you are broke, not physically attractive, worn out looking (as opposed to 'old'; having years is not bad, looking worn out is not so desirable), and have other issues that affect the quality of life makes it difficult for anyone ho has their life together to accept your 'demands' seriously.

Why would anyone who has worked hard to attain a level of excellence in their lives want to choose someone who has not? There are those that like taking on the challenge of a 'fixer upper', and there are those who simply do not care to do that. For example, if you could choose from a brand new Mercedes AMG, and a 1950's model of a Ford sedan, knowing both will take time effort and energy to maintain with their inherent problems, which would you choose? I love old cars and love fixing them up, but with my schedule I really do not have the time,plus, I need a vehicle that serves my needs now flawlessly and without issues as opposed to something I need to work on before I can make use of it. Some new cars have issues, but driving something that works well over something that does not and that I can feel good about is always more appealing than something that has the same issues, plus is worn out.

If a Dominant has the choice to be with more than one, why would they settle for one someone who has issues and challenges? If you want monogamy, you had better be in a position of power and have a great deal to offer, aside from just looks. You had better also be one hell of an entertaining person on many levels...

I am saying this to all those dominant/submissive folks who make demands on prospective partners in their profiles who do not seem to display they are speaking from a place that indicates they bring value, quality or something desirable to the life of their partner.

I would never start a conversation with a potential partner with, 'I want you to be monogamous, support me and take care of me, protect me, work for me..' or anything that indicates what they have to do for me unless and until it is established this is someone I have a mutual potential interest in. Yes, I want and will have it all MY way, because my way insures we both get what WE want. I get the right to choose for both of us because I have EARNED it. Otherwise that person can keep on pushing...

Monogamy is not the issue, being able to fulfill all the needs that all those various people provided is the issue.

I will gladly be monogamous and have ONLY ONE when i find the woman who fulfills ALL of my needs.

It is very difficult finding someone who satisfies the diverse wants, needs and desires.To view a profile of someone asserting their rights (which can be established in the formation of the relationship AFTER it is determined there will be a relationship) is deal breaker for me. I do not want demands and expectations shoved in my face at the outset. I do not even know if I like you in the way of wanting to have a relationship with you are not.

I know we all want to save time, cut to the chase and eliminate time wasters, but talking about your rights and demands at the outset is a red flag. It speaks to desperation and looking to hit a 'home run' right away, instead of making friends, establishing relationships with a group of people with whom one shares ideas, philosophies, and values beyond sex and kink.

Sex and kink have brought us to this site, so we know we at least have something in common, but there is so much more.

So, if you start your profile with 'My rights are this...' or I am only seeking monogamous relationships...' You are possibly alienating someone who knows the exact person you desire. The goal on these sites is to utilize your contacts here to learn and meet as many people as possible. I am annoyed with all the pretenders, fakes and time wasters, but I can detect them without having to tell them what I expect. I have met some great people through people that were totally obnoxious. You might consider this and make your profile show the best qualities you have instead of starting off making demands and stating your rights and expectations. The people who matter will not mind that you have expectations and choices. Conversation is lost when you immediately put up stop signs.

 

Good luck with your searches.


6/24/2011 7:30:38 PM

Has anyone ever experienced a relationship where being together was effortless? This is not to say work is not being put in, or that the relationship does not involve growth, not at all. What I mean is that the work being put it does not require unnecessary work or effort.
There is no struggle, conflict or anxiety about whose role is what or worry about other people coming into the relationship and upsetting things, even if it is a poly relationship. The roles of the primary couple are not just known, but understood intuitively.

 

It requires two people who are confident within themselves and who have love as the foundation of their relationship. Love is the best kink accessory known to man or woman. Not just any kind of love, but pure unconditional love. Who is crazy enough to ant to love another person unconditionally? I am...


6/24/2011 2:22:25 PM

Just a word of advice... If you are a slave or submissive who is willing to go meet someone who lives in another state or country, be sure you have a round-trip ticket stashed away in your belongings so if/when things do not work out you are not stranded someplace where you have no support or way of taking care of yourself. 

 

Common sense, right? Read through some of these profiles and you will see it is not so common to NOT do this. Safe, sane and consensual also applies to how you as a sub/slave take care of yourselves. The first rule of a sub/slave is:

RULE #1-ALWAYS take care of the property. YOU are 'the property' and as such, must take care with yourself to avoid situations that would prove damaging to yourself. If at any time the person to whom you have entrusted yourself seems to be doing something that is not working for you, it behooves you to communicate with them, and if necessary, remove yourself from that situation.

 

Never paint yourself into a corner. Always keep the means of escape or getting away from a bad situation at hand. This is common sense. So, should you end up in some foreign country after emailing and texting with some fucking guy who decides after six months he is done with you and wants you out, you can use that plane ticket you have socked away to get the fuck out of Dodge and go home...

 

Just a thought...


5/29/2011 3:13:05 AM

Here's the thing, I stopped seeing people as Black, white, Asian, Mexican or whatever a long time ago, however, too many people remind me of their so-called 'race' with their attitudes, words, actions and deeds.

 

I could care less about the skin sack you walk around in, it is your heart and attitude that matter most. Of course how you think, and feel about yourself is reflected in your physical appearance. I am not sure if many of you have noticed that some of the most physically attractive people can be simply vapid. The ONLY thing going for them are their looks.

 

The flip side of that is people who are not physically attractive at all, and not only expect you to look past their appearance, but demand that you do because they feel it is really unimportant in the grand scope of things.

 

On the one hand , you have shallow people who are 'privileged' solely because they have good genetics. and society cannot help but worship the 'pretty people'. On the other hand you have those who are the antithesis or opposite of physically appealing, calling people who do not like them shallow because they are not able to see past their physical appearance to the hidden treasures within.

 

I do not feel I need to tell anyone about themselves unless they invite me to do so through conversation or their actions. Even then, I am not one to sit in judgement of anyone. I am far from perfect. It is quite simple really. We can get along and interact, or not. That's it. Why should I expend my energy, time and effort telling anyone about themselves? Will it create change? Ultimately, do I really care to attempt to go about making the effort to change people? Not really. Change is best when it is motivated by one's self.

 

I do not need to write what you said to me, about me and then analyze your words in a public forum for who knows what purpose, really...

 

I choose to be with people who make it easy for me to be around them. I leave the rest to their own devices. I focus my energy on Erotic Power Exchange and energy exchange. It is more often than not non-sexual. Sex has a way of muddying the waters of clear thinking. Sex is too often a tool used to get what some people want, even as a club in place of genuine emotions, love, passion, and sensuality.

 

Love is like rice paper. You have to walk on it gently or risk ripping it to shreds, like Kane in that old TV series 'Kung Fu'. When you can walk in love and not leave a trace, then you have mastered loving.

 

I hope I am not sounding as if I am complaining, because I am not, or perhaps I am on some level. Stating one's observations is really a matter of perspective and intent. It is my intention to let go of those undesirable people and events in a manner that brings attention to them in such a way as to not make anyone feel badly, yet make them aware of how they could possibly be viewed in a light that is less than desirable.

 

I do realize, however, that these are my observations and opinions, and we all know, opinions are like assholes, we all have them and they are not always fresh...


5/14/2011 12:15:57 PM

Just a quick note... You find real Doms in the real world. Try going to fetish clubs, demonstrations, seminars, symposiums or even gay and leather events. I am neither gay or homophobic, and have found interesting people at all sorts of real time events.

There is another site FatEelsTakeLessInFreezingEther dot com (just the bold letters). They have people and events from all around the world posted there. It is not like CM because it is not set up to troll photos and profiles. It is more about getting to know people and forming relationships. It is NOT 'better' or worse than CM, just different. The simple truth is, I spend more time on CM looking at photos and writing in my journal than any other site.

However, too many people go to sites looking for 'love' and are willing to conform themselves to whatever the expectations of that site are to get what they want. That is ALL websites where people are trying to hook up.

So, you want real people, you gotta get out and meet them. Do not go looking for a hook up, rather for people who are like you, with the same values, feelings, standards and beliefs.

To complain about the idiots you meet online on your profile does not serve you well. We all know they are here, and the last thing I want to do is read about them on someone's profile. Too much complaining in the world already.

Instead, say something good about yourself, your day, something you saw or heard. That way people like me will discover more about you and what YOU are like, and not hear about the butt heads we know that permeate the internet. I read your profile to learn about YOU and not the people who annoy you.

I am not bitching at you, I hope you understand that the little I have seen of you and read was attractive enough to inspire me to read your profile. I am not interested in hearing about those people that annoy you...

So, tell us more about YOU....



3/15/2011 10:19:28 AM

I have read these same words SO many times without any other words accompanying them, I finally have to say something:

 

".... AM HERE LOOKING FOR A GOOD MASTER TO OWN ME AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE..."

 

Do you notice anything missing? Did you read anywhere in those words the notion, idea, suggestion or even a willingness to have any kind of exchange? I understand that as a Master or even just a Dominant, it is my responsibility to care for and help maintain the slave or submissive in my care. IN EXCHANGE, I get someone who will enhance and bring qualities and benefits to my life.

 

If you are going to be a slave or submissive in any man's home, you WILL serve. Depending on the household, that means you will get that ass up every morning and be taking care of whatever needs are required from keeping the house spotless, as well as keep your Sirs 'plumbing' well maintained.

 

Take a hint, somewhere in your profile you should mention what services you offer in exchange for being taken 'good care of for life'. You might want to mention your schooling, and any other qualities you have that will make you a positive contribution to their life.

 

I will confess some men only think of the sex at first, but that gets old fast when his needs are not being met in other areas. Like doing laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming and otherwise keeping a neat and clean home. Can you cook? Do you do windows and floors? Have you been with your face in the toilet bowl to make sure it sparkles?

 

Service ,ladies/subs/slaves,service. You want to be taken care of you need to be talking what services you can provide. A good man can ALWAYS get sex and an ass to play with without much effort if he has any kind of people skills. Inviting some slug into his life and home is too much like making a bad choice in a wife.

 

We each have needs, wants and desires fulfilled. We all are looking for that person who enriches our lives and enhances us, are we not? So in your 'take care of me' profile I suggest you specify and quantify what someone will get in exchange for taking care of you for life. Otherwise one might get the idea you are looking for a free ride. If it is not in writing it must not be a part of the deal...


3/14/2011 2:37:46 PM

A Dominant Man is one who can be with a woman, treat her like a lady and motivate her to serve. This does not define their activities, because those will vary as personalities do. Some need to be humiliated, others do not. Some want high protocol, others not so much. The attitude of how a Dominant treats his woman, or a Master his slave always should keep the First Rule in mind:

Rule #1- ALWAYS take care of the property. Your submissive/slave is the property. Failing to take care of the property could mean that when you desire the use of said property it will not be in good operating order, sick, tired or otherwise unhealthy. Maintenance of your car, your house, you dog all require effort and time, and your submissive and/or slave is more valuable than any of those other things, provided you have chosen wisely in picking them.

 

Submissives/slaves should always bear this rule in mind. It is the fundamental guiding principal in being a good sub/slave. This means taking care of your health and appearance to the very best of your ability, health problems taken into consideration.

 

Someone expressed the idea that there are things more powerful than D/s (thank you Asria), which got me thinking. All good relationships are built on affinity, communication and a solid understanding of who you are dealing with as a Being. Regardless of whether or not someone is 'vanilla' or 'kinky' in their relationships, without developing these qualities in your relationships, the chance of a high quality and lasting relationship will not happen.

 

High quality means one where upsets and misunderstandings are handled and dealt with with the least amount difficulty possible. There are no grudges, there is no sulking and there is no bringing up old business into the current misunderstanding. Problems are handled in the present. This topic is, in itself a lifetime's worth of learning and discussion. It would make a good workshop!

 

As to things more powerful than D/s, Erotic Power Exchange is at the top of the list. Communication, affinity, and really working on understanding who a person is makes a foundation upon which you can build a strong relationship regardless of it proclivities. If two people are really and genuinely 'connected' it does not matter that they are miles apart because they are in tune and aware of their 'other whole' (not half) regardless. I do not think one person completes another. I think two whole people come together to make one super relationship.

I do not want half of a Being. I want a fully functional partner who is aware and fully functional with or without me. The two of us together become an enhanced pair who functions better together than apart.

 

I hope that you realize that I do not have 'the answers' and that what I write is my opinion. I am not an authority, I only express what works for me. Opinions, like mine,  are like assholes, everyone has one and they are not always fresh. So take what I have written here with a grain of salt if you try to apply it to your own life.

 

 


3/14/2011 10:10:54 AM

I had to update the post I made about photos and pictures of dogs and babies below (dated 07MAR2011) because I have had a couple of people think I was speaking about them. I specified in a more complete manner what I was referring to. I write most of these in the wee hours of the morning just before I fall asleep so sometimes I am not as clear in my meaning as I could be. I apologize for any misunderstanding. Scroll down to read my changes...


3/9/2011 10:24:12 PM

To all you Lady Dominant's, please understand, I mean no disrespect. I have had my share of Domme's come up to me and tell me what they would like to do to me; most of the time, just checking to see if I might be one of those willing to bow down to them and bite at the chance for 'the possibility' of some pussy.

 

Unfortunately, for them, that is not what I am about. Mind you, I really adore women and ALL of their parts, starting with their brains... but the allure of those 'gotta get some pussy by any means necessary' days are long done and over. As a young lad I discovered very quickly lowering myself just to 'get some' simply did not feel good, or 'correct'.

 

However, I have encountered more than a few of you who test me, then confide you would like to share that energy you do not get enough of from those who serve you. Well, if you are so inclined, we should have a conversation and see where the energy flows. I do not coerce or try to get you to bow down and serve me. That is not how it works for me at all. Be advised, I do not submit, bow down or any of that. Leave that to your subbie males. I am also very discreet. No one need know our business. I mean my business as well as well as yours. This is NOT about the sex. You can get that from one of your boys. This is about Erotic Power Exchange.

 

Some of you look SO tasty and I would love to taste your sweat. So please excuse me if I look through you to that other side you seldom show. Those of you who feel this know who I am talking about. Again, I mean no disrespect and honestly am not trying to take anything not offered. It is simply not that serious...


3/7/2011 3:14:05 AM

Why do people post photos of their dog or cat as their profile and only photo? Why would ANYONE post a photo of their child in ANY photo on a fetish site? I really do not get that. Please, someone explain why anyone wants to see your beloved pet when they come here looking for people? For the record, I do not want to see you pets or children when I look at your profile. knowing that you have them will suffice. I am here to attempt to get to know YOU first. If that works, we will get around to learning about the rest of your family.... or maybe not...

 

To clarify my meaning, if you have as your main profile picture, a baby photo, a dog, or cat, your car, your house and all the chattel you own, that is nice and perfectly OK to do, however, When I look at a profile, and there is little to no story bout YOU with words and or photos, I am wasting my time attempting to learn about YOU looking at stuff that is NOT you. If you are telling a story with words and using photos to highlight your story that is great!

 

My goal at looking at your profile is to discover something about you through words and or photos that in some way explain about you. I could care less about your stuff. I am cautious posting pictures of my kids online and especially a kink site where there could possibly be pedophiles (my own paranoia).

 

If your main picture is of a big dog, are you subliminally telling me you are a dog? I do not know, and honestly will probably not read your profile unless it is one hell of an interesting looking dog.

 

This rant is about being able to look at a profile and learn about the person posting the profile, not their friends, family and stuff, unless it is further illustrating things about the profile poster. I read profiles to learn about the person posting them. OK?


3/7/2011 2:55:01 AM

The problem with meeting someone online who lives in another country or even out of state comes when you arrange their travel, or even when they arrange their own travel to come visit.

 

Who is this person you are bringing into your home?

 

More importantly, if you go to stay in someone's home, who the hell are they? You would go to sleep in some strange person's home? REALLY? You would allow yourself to be tied up or tie up someone you do not know in a private residence or hotel?

 

Inviting someone into your home after only knowing them online is asking for trouble. If you ask for that or are thinking about it, DON'T! Let them stay in a hotel or stay in one yourself unless and until you have some sort of assurances.

 

For women, I would not be beyond going by the nearest police station, letting them put on record that you came by and asked about crime in their area or even the person you are visiting. Whatever it takes to record that you came by and arrived. Phone calls home at specified intervals are good, but cannot help you if you are miles from home.

 

For men, well guys, anytime you tie up and beat a female whom you do not know well, you are open to all sorts of possible litigation. What is to prevent this luscious female you marked up with ligature marks, a whip or whatever from leaving your place and telling a sob story about the brutal man who just beat and raped her?

 

People, be careful. Try to meet people at socials, take time to learn about each other and practice safe, sane and consensual play, regardless how extreme it gets.


3/7/2011 2:32:27 AM

Anyone who immediately tries to navigate you away from this site to yahoo or any other chat service without taking the time to get to know you here sets off alarms, bells, whistles and sirens. The red flag goes up immediately and I lose interest. I have been online for a VERY long time. I use a Mac, so sometimes things do not work the same as on PC. I will NOT navigate from this site for a chat or anything else unless and until I feel  the person I am communicating with is genuine, or we have met face to face at a social or an arranged meeting at a mutually safe environment.

Women, you should all adopt this policy.


2/12/2011 9:46:42 AM

I was responding to someone who is annoyed by the 'trolls' and other pests who ask for things and demand you behave a certain way, and when you do not, say you cannot be a 'real submissive' if you do not... here is my response:

 

"Anytime there are photos of women in various states of undress you will have trolls. Any 'community' is a microcosm of society, and whatever kinds of people exist in the world will find their way here.

 

Life is all about power and energy exchange. You have the right to decide to whom you flow your energy. If you engage someone you are opening up the ebb and flow of energy with that person.

 

So if you meet a butt head who you allow to upset or make you angry, you are flowing energy to them. The more you engage them, post about them, mention their name, or even think about their unpleasantness they get the energy of that thought. They get what they want by pissing you off....

 

On the other hand, if you see someone or something you do NOT want, acknowledge that you see it but basically realize it is not for you in a dispassionate and not emotionally charged manner, you will flow no energy and can instead think of something or someone else to whom you can flow pleasant thoughts towards....

 

This is a lesson that some take years to learn, others just 'get it' and do it naturally. They are people that always seem happy even when things might be not going so well around them...

 

This method is what a good Dominant or submissive practices. If you do not control your own thoughts and feelings, who does? Who do you want to control you, some jerk or someone you have good, strong, positive feelings about?

 

Just a thought..."

 

You alone determine where your energy and thoughts flow. This ability is something that is highly desirable in a good Dominant or submissive. If you allow yourself to continually be upset by people you do not know, then you are not focused on what matters.

 

Everyone has opinions. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they are not always fresh... If you catch a whiff of an unpleasant asshole, do not engage it, politely and quickly disengage and move away. Find something pleasant to think about instead and save yourself some grief by forgetting all about the unpleasantness. Be aware of its presence and simply choose not to engage it and  move onto something more pleasant...


2/7/2011 3:38:20 AM

I love it when looking at a profile of someone, they have one photo and very little information yet expect me to say what I would do to them or tell them who and what they are. Words are very powerful. I understand that you probably mean that you are willing to be whatever I decide for you to be, but, I am one of those people who needs to know how deep the water is and what type of critters might be in those waters before I go diving headfirst into anything.

 

Choosing a person to dominate is like any other type of investment. One MUST take time and check out the goods BEFORE putting in time, energy and effort. To leap before you look is ill-advised. Anyone who tries to rush me into any thing that requires an investment of time, effort and energy is suspect. I always trust my gut instincts...


2/7/2011 2:48:47 AM

Too many people get the idea of the 'gift' all wrong. Submission in and of itself is not a gift. Neither is Dominance a gift. The gift comes from the trust two people share. This enables the power and energy exchange that occurs between two people to manifest itself in meaningful and life changing ways.

 

Please, look up for yourselves and define the word 'gift'. It means to give something freely WITHOUT THE EXPECTATION OF ANY RETURN. Most of you say that your trust must be earned. What about MY trust that you will not allow yourself to be bound and spanked or flogged then, once bruised and beaten, you will run to the police and complain about what the 'bad man did to me'?

 

Look up the words and define for yourselves what the words dominance, submission, master, and slave mean.

 

The idea of 'gift' has more to do with what two people share and exchange in terms of trust, affinity, communication and the reality of who and what they are to each other, than with this ill conceived idea that what you as a submissive bring into the relationship is somehow more important or meaningful than what a Dominant or Master brings to the relationship.

 

OK, I get it, you allow someone to do all of this kinky stuff to you, tie you up to make you vulnerable, etc. Well, IF I choose to do those things, I trust YOU will not run to the police or authorities to file a complaint about the bad man who tied up, beat and then took advantage of you in all sorts of perverted ways, AND you have the marks to prove it! If you doubt that it happens, talk to people who have been into BDSM, D/s, M/s relationships for a while.

 

The words of the day are 'safe, sane and consensual'.

 

Think of the time effort and energy your Dom/Master has to put into learning their craft, whips, techniques  in getting their sub into 'sub space', and the expense some go to to buy the whips, floggers, chain, rope, electrical toys, rubber, latex and leather that is enjoyed by fetishests. Those Doms/Masters do not expect you to pay them money for the rope they use, or to pay for those skills they learn and use on you. What about 'after care'? Should you not be thankful and grateful that someone will check to make sure you are OK? The 'gift of after care' is pretty darn special, no?

 

Too many subs expect a Dom/Master to simply 'make it happen' and do not care about the time effort and energy it takes to become skilled. This is like an argument in art about which is more important, the artists or the medium/canvas? Should the artist be grateful for the gift the canvas provides in helping the artist create his masterpiece? The canvas or medium (like rock to a sculptor) the artist uses to create is nothing more than raw material until the artist and that medium come together to create. IT TAKES BOTH TO MAKE THE MAGIC!

 

So to have a sub tell me I should be grateful for her 'gift of submission' is an insult. It completely nullifies the trust I place in them to be a full participant in the exchange we are hoping to share in. The two things, Domination and submission, are catalysts to one another. Without the two things together there can be no art, no magic, nothing! I am not attempting to diminish or elevate the importance of one role over other other. I am not attempting to diminish the trust, communication, affinity or reality of what needs to happen between two people to have a successful relationship. I understand that people are frightened and need reassurance especially when you are going into some dark, strange and 'freaky' places when someone allows themselves to be made helpless.

 

I would like for someone who has defined the word and concept of 'gift' and the other key words, dominant/dominance, submissive/submission to write to me and explain their ideas on this concept of 'gift of submission'.  Seriously, I need a clear, concise definition of what it is you are expecting with the use of this phrase... Show me how what it is you hope to achieve with this phrase differs from what it is I hope to achieve in my explanation. I believe this phrase, as I have often seen it used, leads to confusion and misunderstanding. I think there are other words that might better embrace the ideas of trust required when two people enter into a relationship.

 

When one person goes into a relationship with the idea that what they bring to the relationship is more important or superior in some way, that relationship is doomed to failure from unrealistic expectations. It takes the best of both people to realize any real and true communication and to have a successful relationship.

 

 


2/3/2011 2:46:18 PM

What's the deal with posting photos that are not of yourself? Why would anyone post a photo of some other person representing that image as them? Why would anyone post a photo that is them before a dramatic weight gain, or even weight loss unless they are showing a 'before and after' example?

 

Why is it that very often when someone has a really 'cute' sounding name or the words 'little', 'tiny', 'baby', etc. as part of their profile name, they are not?

 

I do not understand people who want to be dominated or who want to dominate someone they do not know and have never met. Moreover, I do not understand wanting to move into someone's home, or allowing someone to move into your home you do not know, have only just met a few times or had only an online relationship with. Granted, it has worked on on a few rare occasions, but over the last 20 years more often than not those situations are less than successful and result in other than desirable circumstances for both dominants and submissives.

 

Why do some people think that they can move into someone's house under the guise of a TPE relationship and expect that they will not have some kind of responsibilities in the way of taking care of the household, making some type of financial contribution (having a job) or some other contribution to the overall well-beingness of said household other then being a slave to be beaten, eat food, take up space, use electricity, water or anything else that would make them a desired asset?

 

There is an old hippie saying that was turned into a bumper sticker and you can still see them from time to time on some vehicles that read, 'Gas, grass or ass- NOBODY rides for free...' This is especially true in a TPE relationship. This is not to say it does not happen, and that on some level those relationships do not work. There are a few examples of people representing themselves as participants in that type of relationship. What I am saying is that if as a 'slave-owner', consensual or otherwise, to house someone like this can have dire consequences, if you are 'found out', or your 'slave' has a change of mind, gets away and reports to authorities that this 'master' did this to their 'slave'.

 

It has happened that subs/slaves have moved into someone's home, lived there a while then went to the police later to claim all sorts of harm and mistreatment at that hands of a 'sadistic beast'. Also true are cases of sub/slaves ending up inside of barrels in a storage area after going to visit some dominant they met online.

 

I guess all I am saying is, if I do not know you and have not had the opportunity to see how you live, or that you can bring something of value into my life, and that you have a sense of integrity, honesty and are someone I can invest my time, effort and energy into and get some kind of exchange from, there is no chance of me attempting to dominate you. This is not some kind of game I play on weekends.


1/27/2011 9:21:08 AM

Increasingly, I am suspicious of profiles with photos of body parts and hidden faces. It is quite obvious that some of the body parts shown are from different people and most likely NOT the person who posted the profile.

 

I do not get it, why start with a lie online? Why post old or dated images if the intention is to meet someone online with the intention of meeting them real time? I am not naive and understand that foe some this whole online experience is their personal narcotic and escape from their miserable life. Go online and become some kind of 'God' or 'Goddess' then return to your miserable existence of your 'reality'.

 

I would love to be able to establish real relationships with real people who are working at being better Human Beings. I do not desire clinging vines and leeches who drain my life force because they do not have a life of their own to share.

 

The D/s and M/s lifestyles mean different things across a wide spectrum of people with many different wants, needs and desires. If you do not believe as I do or your kink is different from mine it is just part of the wonderful diversity that is life. Hopefully, we can all find what we like without having to criticize other people's ideas or kinks.

 

I am a firm believer in consensual agreements. I do not usually assume I have dominance over someone just because the are submissive. There have been times I have met someone and the energy between us needs no explanation, it is simply understood. However, that happens rarely and usually face to face with people.

 

So, from photos to consensual relationships, there are many things to consider. I am rambling and need to get back to work...


1/12/2011 2:25:54 AM
I do not normally do this, however for this 'piece of work' I will make an exception- There is a tool on this site who imagines himself some kind of dominant by the screen name of LARopemaster who is verbally abusive, calls names and an assortment of other childish behaviors. I attempted to communicate with him about his behavior and was told I should kiss his ass... Well, I do not think that will be possible, because he blocked me and is hiding behind the veil of the internet. If you know of this person and/or know how to contact him, tell him for me that his little dick attitude does not serve him well. He should also look into paying for the defunct domain name he claims to have in his photos... He is exactly the kind of person that so many of you ladies complain about, as he says unpleasant things then hides behind the anonymity of the web. He has no face picture and talks a lot of junk that he has no intention of backing up with face to face communication. This is the ultimate defense for a coward and a guy who suffers from terminal 'Little Dick Syndrome'. Little Dick Syndrome or LDS has nothing to do with the actual size of the person's member, it is an attitude. They attempt to intimidate with words while hiding, or are misogynistic little boys who attempt to bully people who are either weaker than they are, or when there is little chance of an actual encounter or confrontation. This is not about physical violence. This is about being man enough to look someone in the eye and insult them as he seems adept at doing when he does not get his way. The one thing about being online is that if you do anything online, there is always a 'foot print' and ways of discovering who you are... If this person contacts you you are well advised to ignore and block them.

1/2/2011 2:40:18 AM

This is a re-posting of a blog from another site... This was written for a D/s relationship, where things can be negotiated, and to a different degree for an M/s relationship where things are specified contractually.

 

Needs, wants, wants, needs...

Apr 5, 2008 12:29 am
91 Views
These words were quoted to me in the context of a D/s relationship. They mean a Dominant is or should be concerned with a submissives needs, and wants, and what the Dominant wants and then needs.

At the time I listened to this argument and the explanation behind it without comment. However, I believe needs always come before wants so the proper order should be a submissives needs, and wants, then the Dominants needs and wants.

Most submissives love the order of this because they believe they are going to get their way and what they want. However, the determination of what they need does not rest with the submissive. If you are one who decides to submit your will to another because you trust, admire, respect and maybe even feel some kind of emotional bond for one who is Dominant, the VERY FIRST thing you need is guidance from your Dominant.

This means you have decided to allow this Dominant have 'dominion' (i.e. sovereignty, or control) over you. You choose to allow this person to take the reigns of your life and move in the direction They feel is best for both of you.

So, as a male Dominant into females, when I read a profile of a female who is supposed to be 'submissive' and she is talking about what her wants needs and desires are, and is talking about the 'satisfaction' she expects for herself I realize VERY quickly this is someone who 'plays at' being submissive and really wants to Top from the bottom.

From a D/s perspective a 'submissive' is defined as 'one who is ready and willing to conform to the authority and will of another.' Conform means to comply with rules, standards or laws. Authority means the power or right to give orders or make decisions due to respect of that person.

No truly Dominant man wants a doormat or a woman who does not have a mind of her own, that is simply too damn much work. If we want mindless compliant people in Our lives, we have children. Most of us know what happens eventually, they grow up and we invite them to get the hell out...

So, a strong or 'good' submissive HAS to be a complete, whole and capable person who willingly gives over her will to another because she has decided that she trusts this Dominant enough to decide for her through His sovereignty she has given Him.

This means that her concerns, wants, needs and desires are expressed in terms of His wants needs and desires FIRST. Her first thought is how to be of service to Him. Her first pleasure is what makes Him happy. She does a good job at life because she does not want to displease Him and works to help maintain a well run relationship by not introducing things that bring upset to His life.

So what does the Dom do? The Dominant is the source, and the example of all these qualities she posseses. He is the source of strength. His life is in order so that she may know order. He must be one who 'gets things done'. A lot of other words come to me, like honor, integrity, honesty to mention a few.

So all of this D/s stuff really requires people to be the best we can be. When you choose someone who is less than the best they can be, what you are saying is you do not feel you are the best YOU can be, whether you are Dominant OR submissive. You are willing to accept less because you feel you are worth less than the best.

So, ladies and gentlemen, when you look at these profiles, and see these women who are busily talking about 'I', 'me', 'my', 'mine' and are claiming to be 'submissive', realize that person is really looking to Top from the bottom or is confused about what being submissive is.

Many of these people claiming to be Dominant are not willing to be that example I touch upon above. Most people really only want what they want without having to 'put the work in' to have what they say they want.

Dominants and submissives are gentleman and ladies who decide they wish to live their life in accordance with a structure that is defined by the words domination and submission. If you choose to identify yourself with words, be sure you know what you are saying because people who DO know will expect you to behave accordingly.

I am not saying a submissives wants needs and desires for themselves are not important. They should be about their Dominants wants needs and desires FIRST.

Any 'good' Dom only has ONE thing that is important to them. A Dominant is concerned about their own pleasure first and foremost. For me, my pleasure is the pleasure derived from the pleasure and satisfaction I am able to produce and inspire in my submissive. The more pleasure I am able to inspire and have my submissive experience, the more intense my own pleasure.

If I can please my submissive to the point of her threshold for pleasure and/or pain and maybe just a little beyond, then I am doing exactly what I need for my own maximum pleasure.

For Dominants, taking care of things means making sure that all is right in their world by insuring their submissive gets what she wants needs and desires or she will not be in a position to please him. This means she takes care of business so that she is stress free BEFORE play. She cannot have anything else on her mind or the pallet is not clear for me to create on.

More on this later...

12/31/2010 9:31:11 AM

When it comes to photos, simpler is better. I like to see eyes, a face and possibly a decent photo of what you look like in general. A clear, sharp photo is always good. Photos that show genitalia I can do without. I know what they look like and only really want to see that AFTER I have gotten into and like someone's mind, and believe me, I know what to do with both.

 

Attempts at being 'artsy' to hide something about yourself really do not work. Cropping a photo at the breasts and not showing anything below that is a dead give away that you are proud of the 'twins' but not so much what is below them.

 

Give us and yourself a break. IF you ever go to meet someone and your photo's do not look like you, you will be 'found out' and seen in a most unfavorable light. Excuses about 'car accidents' or 'back injuries' as the reason for 'sudden weight gain' are unacceptable after being sold a bill of goods with pictures of a younger and slimmer you. Picture deceit is a real deal breaker....

 

You stand a better chance of not having your feelings hurt if you are honest. If you do not like you and have to lie about it, imagine the horror and dismay of someone expecting one thing and getting another. How can you expect them to trust you about anything if you can not be honest about how you look?


12/15/2010 7:03:23 PM
Power exchange and Erotic Power Exchange are the fundamental building blocks of D/s. Simply put, when people feel an emotional, sexual, mental or spiritual attraction, repulsion or any other form of feeling toward another person an 'energy' exchange occurs.

In D/s, the goal is for people to inspire feelings in another, through mental, physical, emotional or even spiritual means such that there is a change in the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual state of those they are interacting with.

It can be as simple as making a person who was depressed smile, or as deep as inspiring a forty-five minute orgasm.

The idea of exchange is important, because it is also what brings the people involved in a closer understanding of one another. To only have energy flow one way, leaves one person feeling drained or tired, as when you have a visit from a friend who always makes you tired with their drama and complaints of of illness or bad relationships. This is one-way energy exchange and is not desirable.

Instead, think of the energy exchange between two lovers who are miles apart, yet, when one thinks of the other, both feel the connection at the same time. Often times, one will call the other at that moment.

So, power exchange and energy exchange are about feelings and a sense of 'energy' that is communicated to others through different mediums, across great distances, or by up close and personal touching.

I have found the more deeply the people are connected through open and honest face to face communication, the more powerful and meaningful the communication.

This works for the darker stuff as well. Really giving someone that feeling of helplessness comes from being able to see their weakness and exploiting it for one's own purposes. Of course intention is what separates someone into D/s from a criminally insane person.

Sometimes, unless you are really in tune with yourself, you might not know the difference. I have found that my gut instincts never lie. If I meet someone and they do not 'feel right' I do not question my feelings, regardless of the sweetness of their words. People like Ted Bundy used his charm and good looks to create that moment of vulnerability where he was able to take advantage of his victims. I am willing to bet that if his victims had been paying attention to what their gut instincts were saying moments before he struck, some might still be alive.

The idea of energy exchange, seeing the aura, or simply being able to 'read people' is something that humans have gotten away from, but in times past, watching the way someone walks was a survival mechanism. Unfortunately, most of us only use these tools for pleasure and not to guide us in our choices for relationships.

so, energy exchange power exchange and EPE are tools and methods we use to help intensify our relationships with those we choose. I do not allow myself to be involved with anyone who I do not have some feeling about. I use their words, choice of words, their walk, how they use their eyes, and so many other intangibles that I have learned over my lifetime to get an idea of who I am dealing with.

I ALWAYS trust my gut instincts...

12/15/2010 11:34:32 AM
Here is the thing...

I have read too many times how a submissive wants a Dom who knows what he wants and who will just 'take it' from you as he sees fit. I am here to tell you I am ALL about that, HOWEVER, contained in that first sentence is a VERY important part of the phrase, 'knows what HE wants...'

In order to establish what he wants, a wise man will take his time to learn about a person he chooses to interact with. Everything that looks good is not always good for you. Some of you are probably not aware of dominant men who acted on their impulses to take possession of a 'willing submissive' only to be faced with assault and rape charges.

Like most males, I love encountering a new person and sometimes feel that overwhelming urge just to reach out, grab a handful of hair and drag her off someplace to have my way with her, but that is seldom, if ever and appropriate thing to do for more reasons than I can list here, but here are a few...

I believe in safe, sane and consensual interactions at all times. What does that mean? Well, safety is priority number one. With HIV, AIDS, and other STD's rampant in society, putting any part of my body into or even onto someone I just met is hardly safe. You cannot look at someone and ascertain their STD status. You would be horribly surprised at some of the people you interact with daily that have some form of STD.

Something else I consider is the mental health of a person. This is definitely a safety issue. I know a dominant man who met a woman claiming to be submissive, who allowed herself to become the object of his attentions and affections, then left his place to go straight to the police department and have him arrested. Or the 'sub' who becomes obsessed and started calling this guys job so often that he nearly lost his job. there are more stories that I will not recount because there is not space.

Sure, there are nutty 'dominants' too. All the more reason you should take your time and learn something about the person wielding rope looking to tie you up someplace and have their way with you...

I LOVE being spontaneous! It would be awesome to just walk up and totally dominate some female I wanted to just because I can. Prisons are FULL of guys just like that who did it... People might not understand that you really LIKE that and you 'wanted' it and decide I am unbalanced and a 'threat to society' and lock me up! So, no, I will not grab you or assault you or do anything to your person unless it has been clearly established through conversation that that is where we are going to go. Chances are, unless we are at the Lair de Sade or some other well known fetish club, my putting my hands on you in public that first time with the intention of power exchange re slim to none.

Unless and until I can get some idea of who you are you are not going to feel my hands on you, or experience any form of my taking control of you. There is simply too much at stake and I do not have the desire to start something with someone who can potentially wreak havoc on my life without making some attempt to discover who they are, what they are into, and get some insight into their character. There is nothing anyone has or can do for me that I will jeopardize my life for a few moments of 'fun'.

So, to all of you 'subs' who are looking for a dominant to grab you up in the first few moments of getting to know you, keep on shuffling to some other sucker, cause it is not happening here...

12/10/2010 8:16:30 AM
Understand that, for me, all relationships are based on the exchange of energy between people. I do not believe in 'negative' energy, however some energies are more desirable than others. Each person has a 'flavor' they radiate. Like some tastes in food, there are flavors I would simply like to not partake of.

While I am here on CM and have an online presence, I prefer meeting people and seeing them interact with other people, like going to socials and munches. I usually prefer meeting people I can get some realtime face to face experience BEFORE I lay my hands (or any other part of my person) on them.

You see, all this fetish stuff can become VERY addictive, especially if I get where I like to go inside someone's head. There is NOTHING worse than getting some crazy person addicted to one's self. Major hassles and problems result in unpleasantness. I seek to avoid all things unpleasant and choose to meet people first, with NO STRINGS ATTACHED, thereby leaving the possibility for friendship (or not) should someone's energy flow and exchange not quite be suitable...

I do not have a lot of time to 'hang out' so I am only known to a few friends who go to the Lair de Sade. You want to know you can ask around, but if you want the truth, ask me. I am a firm believer in the adage, 'None of what you hear and half of what you see...'

Regrdless of what others might say abot anyone, I will make my own observations to validate or dispel what I have 'heard'. I am usually spot on in my observations and I trust my gut feelings above all else, just as you should.

I have been very fortunate to meet some very high quality people of late and feel blessed to have made their acquaintance. So, there are some really good people online, one simply must take their time and use all of their life experience to judge. If you do not have life experience you should be asking someone who has it and listen to them.

11/29/2010 4:38:29 PM
Does it seem strange to you that a complete stranger, of whom I know absolutely nothing would say to me, 'Tell me what you would do to me...'?

I mean, someone I do not know from a can of paint, have NO idea if they have any health problems, infectious diseases, are mentally sound or even if I like them...

Then, if I do not answer in a manner they like, meaning, I do not explain in painstaking detail the depth and breadth of my debauchery I will 'force' upon then, they want nothing to do with me... Sounds like they want a free cybersex session without having to give anything back...

Perhaps my desire for commnication and speaking with people in an effort to understand who they are is a bad thing, at least in their eyes...

Perhaps I will save us both some time and bid them well in their search...

11/29/2010 6:40:25 AM

The wonderful thing about 'kink' is, it is all up to a person's individual choice. That means each of us get to choose what it is we are willing to experience, and if we are wise, in a safe, sane and consensual manner.

If someone is doing, saying or even thinking something objectionable to you, you are free to ignore them. In the wonderful world of the web, you can push the 'block' button and never have to hear from them again (under that screen name).

The point is this, we are here to have a good time. Whatever 'good time' means to you is defined by you and those you choose to be with. The LAST THING some of us want (I would say most of us, but I dare not be so bold), is to go online and be immersed in someone's whining, complaining, bitching or otherwise unpleasantness.

I remember a saying from my friends who would get hassled when they were getting high, 'Hey man, you're bringing me down, man, you're ruining my high...'

Folks, to read your profies with all the B.S. and whining about the 'wannabe's' and people who write you and say silly stuff or demand things without really taking the time to get to know you, ALL of that, is NOT what I am here for.

We ALL have problems. The economy sucks, the price of gasoline, those idiots in North Korea may draw us into war, AFGHANISTAN!?! Geez, people, we know things are tough and that there are people who annoy us. The thing is when you write a profile on a website, it is YOUR OPPORTUNITY to make a good impression on someone you hope to meet. Talk about yourself and not some idiot who is annoying you.

To bitch, and moan and complain about the idiots of the world 'ruins my high'. I know there are idiots. I do not need YOU to tell me about them. I do not need to read excerpts of their emails validating their ignorance. When I read your profile, I am doing so to READ ABOUT YOU, not THEM!

The idea is to put your best foot forward. You want to make yourself look good, sort of like a job interview. No employer wants to hear about the idiot who cut you off in traffic, flipped you off and nearly caused an accident on your way to the interview, so why would anyone want to listen to you rant about some jerk who sent you a stupid email when they are here looking for someone wonderful to share some experiences with?

It does not matter if you are dominant or submissive, if you appear to be out of control to the point you are allowing some stranger to take the few precious moments you have to make a good impression to complain about their behavior, it seriously damages your chances of making a good impression.

It can be amusing to rant some now and then, but the truth is, whatever you flow energy to is what you will attract. That means if you complain about certain kinds of people, you will attract those kinds of people. People who say 'no drama' are usually immersed in drama in their personal lives.

So, what's the point? We are here looking for good times, wonderful and fulfilling experiences and the kinds of people that know how to live life well. IF your profile reflects those qualities, you will attract those kinds of people, as well as the morons and the rest. The choice each of us has to make is whether or not to engage the morons directly, or allow them to pass or be deflected in the least harmful way.

Know what you want and keep your eyes focused on the prize and not the drama surrounding it. There will always be people and situations that will be there to 'ruin your high', the goal is to get to a place where you do not have to complain about them or engage them when you should be doing your best to attain your goal.

Stop complaining  about them and write something wonderful and amazing about yourself so that you might attract that wonderful and amazing person you long for.


10/31/2010 9:27:12 AM

This BDSM thing is NOT about sex for me. It is not about the floggers, the leather or even the 'kink' for me. My personal kink is communication. The kink, whips, chains and leather are all tools through which different levels, types and, intensiities communication can be established. It can be as gentle as a tickle or as intense as a single-tail.

There is no reason to use a sledge hammer when a whisper will do. The wisdom is in knowing which tool applies to the individual with whom you are  making the effort to communicate.

Any brainless person can have sex and maybe inspire pleasure in another. After a while, however, if there is nothing else engaged, no other communication, no 'value added' exchange between two people, the sex becomes meaningless and unimportant.

"Sexuality is the ribbon on the box of passion that contains the gift of sensuality..."

All of the methods employed in bringing pleasure to another are pointless without some meaningful communication, and/or exchange of energy or power.

To some, this can be reduced to a mere exchange of money for time. I pay you money and you do some things to me for a specified amount of time. If that is what works for you, please, enjoy...

For others, it is merely a matter of 'stress relief' and numbers. Having as many different partners without really connecting on more than the most superficial of levels. If that is your thing, great! I do not have a problem with that either...

I will not attempt to go through all the permutations and possibilities of ways one can be into kink. It is pointless and really, who cares? People are in to whatever their 'thing' is and that is wonderful (as long as no one is beng hurt, damaged or harmed in the process, all is well).

I am looking to communicate with people that will bring value and meaningful comunication into my life. I have enough of my life that is about work, struggle, and survival. I have complete stangers who attempt to make me share in their drama or their interpretation of the unpleasntness of their life experience. To them I smile and bid a good day and move on...

I am not looking for anything because I have found when a person looks for something specific, it has the nasty habit of blinding them to other possiblities that are probably better options. Usually, if you have your vision locked on one thing, something else gets missed, or you get blind-sided by another thing you never saw coming.

This is like all the rest of my ramblings... Because I always find myself where I am, on this journey to leave this place better than I found it...

If you feel a connection with me, please write. I will respond to any and all. That does not mean I am looking to hook up. I am just hoping to discover a few kindred spirits...


10/25/2010 7:19:51 PM

I am sure that somewhere, there are some male dominants who are 'financial doms', you know, who not only will tell you what to do but take money for it? Or those who have Amazon accounts where you go and sign in to their accounts and buy the stuff they have listed as a sign of your tribute, you know, for services yet to be rendered, because you are an online sub who has the overwhelming desire to submit to someone who will sell you a pair of his underwear he has worn for a couple of days for $100 to wear over your face when you sleep at night, right?

Oh, no, wait a minute, sub men are the only ones who like to wear dirty underwear over their faces, right?

Or how about this, I lost my iPad and need it replaced, won't one of you nice generous submissives buy me a replacement, please?  I would appreciate it ever so much. Seriously. Let me know when you have it and I will tell you where to mail it! The iPad with all the bells and whistles, you know I deserve the best and it will make you ever so happy to do this little thing for me...

Is it just me or does it seem when anyone has to pay money or receive money to receive or perform any type of service, that the 'energy' being transferred is more about the money than the energy between people? I am sure if you pay someone enough money they would do whatever you ask with a smile, and, in a sense, the one who is paying the money is getting what they want on some level..

I am not criricizing here. I am expressing my thoughts. Honestly, if I was one to have to pay money to get served, much like when I go to a restaurant or any other place of business, I would expect some tangible or real exchange for my dollars.

Maybe this is that 'gift of submission' I have heard so much about...


10/21/2010 7:22:17 PM

I have been asked many times what are my ideas regarding D/s, BDSM, M/s, etc. I believe a more appropriate question is, how do I feel about life and how do these things fit in?

I will not to get into a deep theological, metaphysical or even spiritual discussion with this entry. By no means is this intended to be the final word nor is it 'written in stone' and a definitive answer to all I think. This is an attempt to answer some of these questions, how I feel about them at this time, and even in this moment. I have an open and active mind. I love to hear others thoughts and opinions. I am fully aware that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they are not always fresh...

This is inspired by a conversation about 'punishment and reward' in a D/s context.

Many people that come into this 'lifestyle' are under the impression that it is all about the kink, and for some it is. The 'kink' for them is this exciting thing they do for fun and to freak themselves and others out by dong these 'forbidden acts' and 'extreme practices'.

There are a select few who are involved in these activities because of the deeper connections it forges between them. While I do not practice all of the activities some do, I respect their privacy and right to have safe, sane and consensual playtime and sex.

What is most interesting to me is the attitude that 'play' gets mixed up with 'punishment'. There are those who like playing 'the bad girl' or boy so that they can be 'punished', using their 'bad behavior' as the vehicle through which they can be 'punished', this is just an extension of 'playtime'.

In the larger scheme of things, in the day to day activities of living there is the reality of choices, actions and consequences. This is where, as a submissive or slave you are given responsibilities, tasks, objectives and responsibilities. Life is, after all, not always about 'playtime'.

All submissive’s/slaves expect their Dom/Master to make sure they are adequately provided for under the terms of their agreement or contract. The Dom/Master expects that their sub/slave will achieve what is expected of them. So the question has been raised, what is the appropriate 'punishment' for a sub or slave who does not honor their agreement and fails to achieve what has been assigned them? Corporal punishment? Flogging? Perhaps some other activity that is very much a part of their other 'playtime' activity?

Smart Ass Masochists (SAMs) love to disobey so that they might get 'punished'. That is part of how they play. Is this acceptable in the day to day relationship in a D/s or M/s context?

Some of my brothers and I discussed this very topic to clarify what is needed and wanted in order to differentiate between 'playtime' and 'punishment'.

When it comes to responsibilities one has  in the day to day life as a couple, depending upon what the agreement in a D/s relationship, and what is stated in the contract of an M/s relationship, when the sub/slave misbehaves the punishment is usually not something a masochist would necessarily enjoy. What does this mean? Well, a masochist loves getting a spanking, or other forms of corporal punishment. So a spanking or beating would only encourage bad or non-productive behavior in the day to day activities.

If a sub/slave is supposed to be losing weight or not smoking cigarettes, but continues to do so, even though they have been told it is not allowed, what is the 'proper punishment', more of what they like by way of a spanking or something else? Well, punishment is not more of what they want. That would be rewarding bad behavior and what the Dom or Master really wants is obedience. To reward bad behavior with the desired attention is simply illogical.

The answer is quite the opposite, and to the dismay of some subs/slaves, the proper response in a D/s or M/s relationship for a poorly performing sub/slave, punishment is not being given the attention they seek. In other words, punishment is to be told to stand in the corner, or not being permitted to have the attentions, affections or the 'punishment' that is shared during playtime. 

If I had promised to take care of someone, but failed to get up and go to work or get a job, would I be worthy of their affections for very long if there was no food, electricity or water in the home? I think not. In like manner, a sub/slave who does not do what is agreed upon or what is in their contract should not be rewarded with spankings and pleasure, attention and affection for failing to live up to their responsibilities.

So, in short, I do not believe in rewarding 'bad behavior' outside of playtime. If you are a sub/slave and have agreed to a certain behavior, or written it into your contract, that you are not to smoke, not cuss, to lose weight, go to work, not make eye contact, not to speak unless spoken to, start each sentence with 'Sir' or 'Master', or whatever it is that you are supposed to routinely do as part of your relationship with your Dom or Master, you should not expect to get 'playtime' when you do not hold up your end of the agreement.

I do not think the delineation between 'playtime' and life has been clearly established. It is the responsibility of the Dom/Master to make sure this is understood. Failure to do so results in confusion and ultimately very difficult situations that lead to disorder and unhappiness.

Proper communication of this very key principle can help  everyone understand when it is appropriate and in what context misbehavior can and should be tolerated.

Note: This is not an authoritative work. I reserve the right to amend, modify, change, add to or delete from these rules as I hear from my brothers. I might have overlooked some point, but at this point and time, this is what I believe to be proper conduct in terms of a D/s or M/s relationship.  21OCT2010


 


10/14/2010 12:54:06 PM
As it is my personal goal to be the very best Human Being I can be, it is also my goal to surround myself with people who have similar aspirations. This is not a final destination or someplace one arrives at, rather it is a continuing process.

When considering those people I spend time with, I make it a goal to be around people with whom I can explore all the dynamics and levels of energy exchange that are appropriate for that person, and the situation.

I have found that it is counter productive to spend time with people who do not understand the dynamics of energy and power exchange. In short, if you are someone who needs constant attention, who is 'weak' in mind, body and soul, and figures that because you offer your submission you should be 'taken care of' we would not be anything close to any kind of match.

Most of the people I know want a value added relationship, especially with anyone hoping to find a 'live-in' situation. You WILL have a job, you WILL be into continuous self-improvement and you WILL be into the collective enrichment of the person you are living with and yourself. Otherwise some witless dominant will have taken in another mouth to feed and administer to with a few 'benefits'(?).

10/11/2010 3:15:26 AM
Some of you submissive/slave females believe that being 'dumb' is an asset a Dominant or Master prefers. I will agree there are those who might like the idea of a 'dumb' sub/slave, but to those who understand what it means to assume responsibility for someone else, 'dumb' is not a quality high on the list of 'must haves'.

If I am going to take on the responsibility of another, having someone who is a self-proclaimed 'dumb' person means I have a liability and not an asset.

The Dominant males in my circle do not want another liability. We want someone we can take pride in. A dumb person is hard to train and have around.

I am one who does not believe in rewarding bad or counter-productive behavior. If I give you a spanking or any type of physical attention it is to show you my appreciation for a job well done.

I realize for many of you, this runs counter to what you believe to be proper treatment.

Life is difficult. There are many things that are beyond my ability to control. So in my world and in my time, the last thing I want is a little attention whore who feels that purposely making mistakes and being difficult makes life better for me and feels that doing so will get my 'attention'.

Quite the opposite is true. In the context of role-playing that might be OK, but in everyday life, someone who compliments my life and the smooth operation of my household is highly desirable.

It takes a great deal of energy and concentration to properly administer attention to the ass of a sub/slave. It takes a great deal of energy to get a sub/slave into that place where I can savor her sweet sweat and juices...

If I have to spend time correcting a dumb sub/slave, it takes away from the time I have to pleasure myself... I want more pleasure, not less. IF you are not able to serve MY needs, really, what good are you to me?

9/13/2010 9:13:33 PM
I keep hearing and reading that phrase 'gift of submission' and am wondering if the people who use that word 'gift' so loosely understand that concept of what a 'gift' really is. Here are some definitions  I just looked up...

  • something acquired without compensation
  • endow: give qualities or abilities to
  • give: give as a present; make a gift of; "What will you give her for her birthday?"
  • giving: the act of giving
    wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

A gift or a present is the transfer of something without the expectation of receiving something in return. Although gift-giving might involve an expectation of reciprocity, a gift is meant to be free.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gift



  • A gift, in the law of property, has a very specific meaning. In order for a gift to be legally effective, the grantor must have intended to give the gift to the grantee. The gift must actually be delivered to and accepted by the grantee.
    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gift_(law)

So, this 'submission' you are 'gifting' to someone is 'given without the expectation of return' and that means you are giving something for nothing.

But if what you are giving requires an exchange of some kind, then it is NOT a gift by definition.

Some of you subs think very highly of what you believe to be a 'gift' when in actuality, you are giving something for which you expect a return or exchange.

What do you call it when a Dom who has had to study and learn how to flog properly, how to bind those ropes so that you do not get injured, or who spends hundreds if not thousands of dollars on 'toys' for your mutual pleasure?

What is it when a Dom spends hours carefully playing with and manipulating the submissive so that she can experience 'sub space' and multiple orgasms and the elusive (for some) thirty minute orgasm? This 'gift' you speak of requires a great deal of effort and work on the part of the Dom to insure your experience will be something YOU enjoy.

So, please, if you will, explain to me what you mean by 'gift'. I will admit my command of the English language is limited to the American colloquialistic derivative and not the 'King's English' and I am always looking for enlightenment.

Please, someone tell me what this 'gift of submission' is supposed to be? I am under the impression that the word 'gift' is being hijacked and misused in an effort to try and make more of the exchange in  that occurs when two people decide to interact favor of the submissive.

Why is what the submissive offers more special than what the Dominant offers? Who coined this phrase and why? I seriously would love to understand why what two people share the best parts of themselves with another, one's part is a 'gift' to the other?

I wonder is this like the 'lucky' guy who takes a woman's virginity?

I believe that in any relationship the two people should come together to make something greater than the sum of the individuals.

I believe that each person in a quality relationship brings out the best in the other. Each time I hear or read about this 'gift' a submissive 'gives' to a Dominant I feel that those qualities, morals, pleasures and any other good thing a Dom might bring to the relationship have been discounted.

Or is it that you subs do not expect a Dom to know what the hell he is doing or take the time, effort and energy to learn how to play with and please you?

Please, one of you find me an alternative meaning to that word 'gift' that embraces the spirit and meaning of what it is you are giving to a Dom that is so much more special and unique that it is a 'gift'?

Every sub I have spoken to EXPECTS their Dom to be knowledgeable in all aspects of pleasure and pain. How many of you are willing to be the person a Dom learns on?

If you have an expectation of an exchange, then what you are offering is NOT a gift. I suggest you come up with another word that accurately expresses the meaning of what it is you are 'gifting', because it certainly does NOT sound like a gift.


9/7/2010 3:14:55 AM
I guess I am on a roll tonight, but another thing that I find interesting is these women and men who will relocate to be with someone else.

I wonder if the person who is allowing this other person move into their home has considered the reality of all the responsibility they are assuming having someone move in?

Who will pay for the extra expense of having another mouth to feed, extra electricity, phone bill and responsibility for health care, travel, automobile maintenance and all of the other needs of an adult human being?

The following scenario is not limited to women, but because I am a man, I use a woman. OK, so some little hottie moves in, brings her delicious little body there for me to enjoy in all the kinky D/s ways I can imagine, only to discover she has destroyed her credit, has no real means of getting and keeping a job, she needs dental work, has problems I could not possibly know about until I have lived with her for a while and she has now got rights in my house.

If there is an argument in the house that I own, that she has lived in for a few months, that the police respond to, guess who has to leave? Me, the owner of the house. Sorry, that is not happening to me. I have heard some nightmare stories from both male and female friends who have done the long distance thing and allowed their long distance lover move in...

I would strongly suggest a thorough background check of ANYONE I met online that I had the intention of moving into my personal space. IF they had a problem with me looking to find out potential deal-breakers BEFORE they move in, they can choose to move on.

That old saying, 'An ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure...' comes to mind...

9/7/2010 2:56:05 AM
The thing about an 'online' D/s relationship is you have no 'real' control over a person if you cannot actually see them. OK, web cams are fun, but how do you know if, once that camera goes off that someone who has been off camera or in another room comes in and completes all the work you put in?

How do you know that you really have 'control'? What does that word 'control' really mean?

(http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=MDv&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&defl=en&q=define:control&sa=X&ei=LwaGTL-tK4rWtQPU3Pn2Bw&ved=0CBIQkAE)

I think online D/s is a lot like going to a strip club. You want the illusion of a beautiful nubile woman dancing for you and really being into you, but without all the messy relationship stuff to mess it up. So you go to a club and pay for the experience without the reality of having to deal with a woman in a real relationship and all the work that implies.

So it is with D/s by phone or web. You only have to deal with a Dom or sub when they can catch you online or on the phone. If it is a long distance relationship, the chances of really getting into the proper head space are diminished, not to say that it does not happen.

What it boils down to for me is that when I am ready to spank some ass, it needs to be where I can feel its warmth as I rub it up in preparation for that sting...

No insult is meant to those of you who successfully have long distance online or phone relationships.

I have sen a great many of those over the years, and the submissives who have had their long distance Dominants that came to the Lair were always interesting. It can work out, but usually when a Dom wants to get laid he may or may not wait for you to be there. That usually undoes a lot of relationships.

Ladies, have you ever had a bottle of soda, placed your hand over the opening and violently shaken the bottle? What happens when you take you finger away from the hole? For some men, that is what happens over time when there has been a lot of teasing and no pleasing. The pressure builds up until something gives.

Do you women realize that men who do not expel the sperm their bodies produce tend to develop prostate problems over time? That means, for men, it is very much a use it or lose scenario. I have practiced celibacy over the years, it is a very painful situation after a while if one does not find a means of expelling all that built up sperm...

Needless to say, the extra testosterone can make one more aggressive, a little prone to anger and some other socially unacceptable behaviors.

So, having a long distance dominant and expecting him to be celibate or wait until you can be together is a bit of a challenge, but doable for some.

I think it is simply easier to go to munches and discover real people and have real relationships. That way you get to discover what they are like before you pack up and move across country to be with someone you might have spent a few weekends with, if you were lucky.

Personally, I want to know a person I move into my house. I do not want to discover I have allowed a headache occupy my personal space. Once you have allowed someone to obtain rights in your house, it could take legal action to get them removed...

I think people need to be VERY CAREFUL with long distance relationships, especially if it means one or the other is moving into a home you own...

9/7/2010 1:24:53 AM
Have you ever noticed in the photographs here and in other 'personals' type websites that most people tend to show off those features they are most proud of and try to hide or downplay those things they do not want you to see?

If a person has a large gut, they will simply make sure they crop it out of the photo, or pose in such a way as to hide or cover it up. I am always immediately suspicious of such photographs. (I prefer a good face shot where the eyes are clearly visible.)

If, however, you are going to show off some of your body and not the rest, or not show a photo at all, please understand if you are not getting a lot of favorable responses from 'quality' contacts.

For those who like showing off their genitals, well, if that is your best or most impressive feature please kindly refrain from sending those photos to me. Some women seem to think I want to see their vaaginas more than their face. I will be taking your face out in public, not your vagina, and would like to look into your eyes.

The simple truth is it is better to show what you really look like in the beginning. There will be no awful or embarrassing surprise when you meet face to face. If you hide something unflattering about yourself you will be 'found out' and exposed as a fraud and a liar. You should expect to have to deal with the wrath and anger of those whose time you have wasted by posing as something you are not. The people with class will excuse themselves and never bother to call or write again.

I am not necessarily the slimmest trimmest guy and know I should work out more than I do. I also understand the consequences of my actions and am prepared to accept the responsibility of those consequences.

This also applies to one who poses as a 'Dom' or 'sub'. It is easy to say the words and act the part. However, once face to face happens, especially if you are around other people in the lifestyle, you WILL be found out and discovered when your words and actions do not accurately represent the station you claim.

It is not a matter of 'fairness' that men can and do get more leeway as they age than women. It is simply the way the world has operated for years. Largely it has been because men make the money, and he who makes the money rules in many aspects of life, not just interpersonal relationships. It has been changing some, due to more women having careers, however if you are a White male with money you have a lot more relationship opportunities open to you than if you are not.

Fortunately, being male has its privileges across the spectrum, especially if one is articulate, knowledgeable and has the means to take care of himself.

For a man to be a 'financial dominant' is largely viewed as unacceptable to most.
A Master either runs or takes care of His slave's affairs, or sees to it that His slave is capable of managing their household affairs. Ultimately it is the Masters responsibility for all of the affairs of household.

These three words are very important in all relationships and organizations. A leader is given the responsibility, accountability and authority to 'run things' by assuming the job, title or position of 'boss of all who enter here'. Like the President, or CEO, a Master, more so than a Dominant, is 'the Boss' because of the extra responsibility of the life or lives of his slaves (read as 'property').

A Dominant has no binding written contract.  One's word can be accepted as law, but it is harder to enforce because it is not written and is usually a matter of honor as to what is said or agreed upon. We know how that can work out, don't we? 'He said, she said' just does not carry the weight of written words on paper, notarized, signed and dated by all interested parties

This is why a Master has more responsibility, authority and accountability. Responsibility and authority can be delegated. In other words, the Boss can give others the privilege of telling his subordinate they have the right to tell others what to do (authority) and task them with the job of making sure that job is done (responsibility).

However, accountability cannot be delegated. Ultimately, if things go wrong it is the bosses fault because he was given the keys to the kingdom and is supposed to be over-seeing all under his rule and 'running things'.

Unfortunately, these concepts are being undermined in not only interpersonal relationships but in the world at large.

I am starting to ramble all over the place...  A sure sign that it is time to stop writing.

9/5/2010 2:40:34 AM
I wrote these guide lines for a person new to the life style and thought they should be here, so here they are:

First and foremost, the number one rule for any good submissive/slave is

#1. ALWAYS take care of the property.

YOU, my dear, are the property. You are not to put yourself into dangerous situations. You are not to meet some freaking guy for the very first time, who seems 'wonderful', at night, alone, in his hotel room, go with him in his car, to his house or any other thing that would potentially put you (the property) at risk under ANY circumstances.

#2. Never put yourself in a compromising situation, i.e. being restrained, locked into a cage or hand-cuffs, etc, with someone you hardly know.

Yes, this is further clarification of rule #1. You would be surprised how many times I have heard submissives violate this rule with very dire consequences, for both male and female.


#3. ALWAYS trust your gut instincts.

Your guts don't lie. It does not matter how pretty his words are, or how handsome he is, the first hint of fear or the impulse to run MUST be given your full attention.

Ted Bundy was a handsome guy to a lot of women... (http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=ted+bundy&aq=f&aqi=n1g10&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=CqcQPL12DTN-zM6msoASrq8msBgAAAKoEBU_Q_7sl&pbx=1&fp=d331bd8e2d0de10c) and look at what it got them...

#4. If you are meeting someone for the first time, it should be during the daylight hours in a mall, crowded restaurant or place where there are lots of people. You should have a friend with you who watches you from afar or arrange a phone call every hour or half hour.

#5. If you can't have a friend along, be sure to tell a friend that you are meeting someone. Leave the name and contact information with that friend.

There are more rules, and I am not doing this to scare you, I just want you to be safe. If you would like some guide lines on how to be safe and learn how to satisfy all of your kinky urges, please feel free to write me and I will help you as best I can.

In the meantime, do not be disillusioned by anyone claiming to be a dominant that does not show you respect, who is not patient, who is not willing to address your concerns for your safety and well-being or who insists that you bow down before him without making an effort to get to know you first. Look for my journal entry about what defines a Master.

If I do not know you, I am not sure I want to share intimacy with you. I do not need to yell at you or order you about unless and until I have decided that is what I want to do and we have agreed upon some basic guide lines for our mutual benefit and safety.

Safe, sane and consensual are the words you want and need to hear from anyone you bow down to.

Personally, I enjoying knowing who I am dealing with emotionally, mentally and as far as any health concerns and risks. I love my fun, but not at the risk of ruining or putting the rest of my life or the life of anyone else in jeopardy.

I strongly suggest you go to munches, demonstrations, classes or activities where they are teaching the elements of what BDSM, D/s and the fetish lifestyle are about. Meet REAL PEOPLE in a safe, sane and consensual environment.

I hope this helps you...

9/3/2010 1:02:21 AM
One thing that is certainly a flag for me is when a 'submissive' writes in her profile '...tell me what you want to do to me...'

WTF? Hell, I do not even KNOW you, how the hell can I tell you what I want to do to you? More importantly, how do I know I want to invest the time and energy into doing ANYTHING to you?


Basic safety comes first. I need to know your sexual history. I need to feel your energy and get a sense of who you are as a person. While some people refer to what is done in D/s as 'play', I am not 'playing' with someone who could be a mental case, may have something I cannot get rid of, or have other issues I simply do not wish to deal with.

This 'play' some of you might take very casually or lightly is not a game or something I take lightly. If I choose to allow you to submit to me, I am assuming responsibility for you, your well-being and care for the time we are together.

I want to know about what drugs you are taking, health problems, medications and in general anything that might put you at risk or harm you during 'play'. This is serious!

Please, do not take narcotics or consume alcohol during 'play' as it desensitizes the body and you can suffer more harm and possibly damage due to the numbing effects of some drugs, especially alcohol.

A submissive who wants to 'play' with me I will interview and/or will be referred to me by someone who knows me whom I trust. I will do light play and show people some sensation play for demonstration purposes and to teach them, but I will not meet some strange female and run her to 'level 10' on the pain scale or put my precious meat into an unknown hole!

So ladies, if you run that little game of 'tell me' and a guy responds, quite likely you should consider never meeting with him.

I would not meet with anyone or discuss what I want to do with them unless we exchanged enough information for me to get some idea of who you are and what you are about. Even then, until we meet face to face, nothing is definite. 

I am not into this for the sex. I do not NEED your sex if I do not know you and we have not established the foundation for 'energy exchange' and all that might imply. It is really pointless to chase around for 'sex' and a waste of my time, mind you, I REALLY love intimacy and have a very healthy appetite.

This journal entry deserves more time than I am giving it, but it is late and I need to get to bed...

9/2/2010 10:06:11 AM
I am borrowing this with permission from TheOldGuardian on . I am posting it here because this is more in line with what I am thinking in terms of how I aspire to conduct myself:

D/s is not what the bodies do. D/s is two auras dancing together. It requires an awareness of energy and the ability to sense it.

**Our Code of Honor:**

We seek dynamic, safe, sane and consensual energy exchanges.

We are Honest.

We keep our word.

We are Responsible.

We help those who are willing to help themselves.

We teach those who really want to learn and we respect our teachers.

We freely express sincere respect, appreciation and affection because that builds energy.

We try to avoid debates with those who have closed minds for that is a waste of energy.

We respect relationships.

We do not gossip, back stab or reveal the personal information of others.

We realize some may fall short of these at times.

We are against bigotry, domestic abuse, child abuse, rape and government interference in our private lives.

We are for individual freedom, personal responsibility, and public service.

We do not bring into our inner circle those who do not strive to live by the above.





8/25/2010 1:17:51 AM
I took this portion of an email out to make it a journal entry. These paragraphs touch upon the differences between a TOP and a Dominant... "For clarification, I am not a TOP, I am a Dominant. There is a huge difference in my mind and in the minds of the Dominant males I associate with regarding the nature of a Dominant and a TOP.

Tops sometimes bottom, Dominants do not bottom. Top is used in reference to switches who can top or bottom as their proclivities change. A Dominant does not change his station. A Top can choose to not be dominant, however a Dominant simply is dominant.

I did not choose to be Dominant, it is a fundamental part of who I am. As my understanding of what that means increases it serves to make me a better Human Being. I am not Dominant out of anger/fear, I am a Dominant out of love and compassion. The more I realize what it means to be truly Dominant, the more fear, anger, contempt, and other useless emotions drop away and are replaced with wisdom and insight into my true character and of those who are in less control of themselves." There are many on this site proclaiming to be Dominant, most are switches who prefer to Top. This is not a criticism, but an observation. If you are offended by this statement, you might need to search your heart to seek your own truth rather than get angry with me. The word Dominant sounds so much more certain and decisive than Top. There are many who like the idea of being Dominant but who simply are not willing to accept the full time responsibility. Sometimes they want to run things and sometimes they do not. It is nice to be able to change it up and allow someone else to take over. This behavior and willingness to not always choose to be responsible is what a Top does. In the military they use three words to define what powers different ranks (pay grades) have. They are authority, responsibility and accountability. Authority can be delegated. An officer can order/tell an enlisted person to take men under his command and do this thing or that. That individual has the authority vested in him by his commander. The person given the order then has the responsibility to carry out that order, however, full accountability goes back to that officer making the order. Accountability cannot be delegated, as the Nazi's at Nuremberg discovered. Accountability is the meaning of that phrase, 'The buck stops here.' Well, with someone who is Dominant, ultimate accountability is the only choice. The buck stops with them. This is why when a submissive starts talking about the 'gift' of submission, it makes Doms who have been around a while laugh and maybe even cringe a little. Ultimately being responsible for the welfare of another Human Being is not really a 'gift' from my interpretation of the word 'gift'- 'something acquired without compensation.' Last time I checked, taking care of another persons needs, even to meet one's own needs is a form of compensation. If I have a sub, and I want to play, I have to do those things necessary to insure my sub is mentally, physically and emotionally in a state of being that will make my playtime all that I would like it to be. That means I need to put in some work to make sure she understands what is expected through all the various means of communication. Somehow, submission does not sound like such a free gift. It sounds like there is an expectation of some type of exchange for services rendered. If you read what I am looking for- 'Erotic Power Exchange'- you are told right there that I recognize there is an 'exchange' occurring between myself and the one with whom I am interacting. So, as a Dominant, I know there is work to be done. Anyone choosing not to do that work does not want the 'exchange'. So there are no 'gifts' per se, there is an agreement to work together towards a desired result. Dominant people choose this work all the time because it is what makes them happy. The work defines them, they do not even see it as work because they love what they do. A Top wakes up in the morning and decides, today, they want someone else to do it, so they 'switch' roles so that they can have a day off and enjoy the 'best of both worlds'. AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! So, let's keep it straight, shall we? A Dominant simply is someone who behaves a certain way because that is how they are wired. A top can choose to alter their 'wiring' to suit the situation or their mood. You might call Dominants 'type A' personalities, but that is not necessarily the case... That, however is the topic for another journal entry...

8/23/2010 2:28:55 PM
I am into kink because I love the power exchange. speciffically, I like Erotic Power Exchange (EPE). It is not about the sex, rather it is about everything leading up to sex. However, I really love the intimacy associated with physical intimacy.

Quite honestly, any submissive who wants to jump right into being dominated seems very much like one who will basically have sex with anyone.

This is not a criticism. What one does with their body and mind is their business. However, in this day and age there are STD's you can get without even having sex. You can be in bed with someone with their fluids touching your skin and you have it. It goes largely undetected in men and can be very devastating to women. (HPV-Human papillomavirus- http://www.gardasil.com/hpv/hpv-types/hpv-transmission/index.html?WT.mc_id=GL0ES&MTD=2)

In like manner, sharing energy with someone who is 'less than desirable' can yield other problems not easily rid of.

So when I read a profile that starts with, 'Be an asshole to me right now!' I move my mouse and click the button to move to another profile.

I believe as a dominant male it is my place to choose with whom I share my time and energy. To engage someone who wants to argue lowers me to their level and lessens my status as a Dom.

If you have someone who writes hateful or disrespectful things to you, I advise you to not respond. Block them and write about how beautiful your day is going. I guarantee this is a great deal more effective than telling them they are a moron. A wise Dom never rewards bad behavior with attention.

My energy and time are very precious commodities. I wonder why I waste them writing here sometimes when apparently few really read what I have to say as evidenced by all the wasted responses and attention given to people who are not worth the time it takes to reply. Simply delete their note and block them.

Life for all of us would be so much better if we never had to start reading a profile that turns into a rant about some dill weed who has given someone  hard time. All that negative energy is like a virus that is spread to anyone who reads it.

If you engage them, they win, it is as simple as that. I also stop reading that profile and move on. If you ever read a profile that says 'I don't want drama...' I can guarantee they have all sorts of drama in their life. You will always attract that which you are most passionate about. If you do not want something, let it go and concentrate on that which your heart desires...

8/19/2010 12:45:18 PM
Not being one to criticize anyone's kink, I am curious about people who say they want to experience power exchange and choose to do so online or over the phone... I know it requires a great deal of trust. I also understand that there are a great number of people who are online that say they want a D/s relationship when actually all they want is sex. THE NUMBER ONE RULE OF EVERY GOOD DOM OR SUB IS: RULE #1-ALWAYS take care of the property! That means do not do anything that would put yourself as a sub into a dangerous situation with someone you do not know. I think the best way to discover what you want to experience is to go to a fetish club with a girlfriend who is also kinky, just to see what goes on. Meet people face to face. Take your time and really try to get to know prospective dominants as people before you do anything. If you are lucky, you will meet someone who is willing to show you a little of what it is all about, but it is YOUR responsibility to make sure they are safe, sane and consensual by doing some research and asking about your person of choice. Ask their friends AND enemies about them. Ask questions that have to do with respect, trustworthiness, and what kind of 'play' they are into. All you new submissive people really need to be careful and watch, listen and talk to both Doms and subs face to face at non-play parties like socials and munches before going to an event where the whips are lashing and the screams fill the room... If you have never actually done anything, getting into a room full of people being bound, gagged, possibly whipped, fucked and whatever else you cannot imagine going on, it is difficult to not experience sensory overload. I think as people who are new and speaking in general, it is a VERY BAD IDEA to play, get flogged, spanked, bound, gagged or any type of serious play while under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. A person under the influence is not clear on what is happening with their body and could very easily suffer life-threatening injuries as a result of their not being aware of the damage or problems with their body due to the desensitizing affects of alcohol and some drugs. Of course there is a lot more to say about this, but I have work to get back to...

8/19/2010 12:14:59 AM
Ladies, when I get an email from a sub who has no photo, nothing in the 'weight' filled in and very little written in terms of personal interests, quite honestly I am not motivated to respond. I will admit, I have been pleasantly surprised every once in a great while, but because you do not post a photo, and you have no personal description I am a bit concerned.

I love making that mental connection with a human being. The mind can be a beautiful place. However, I am attracted first by what I see, then later what I experience through mental and spiritual connections.

So, please understand my hesitation in writing you if you have not written some words or at least have a photo of your eyes. Please spare me looks at your vagina, I have vivid recall of  their appearance and only need to see that which I will be helping myself to.

8/17/2010 10:12:56 PM
Recently, I had a female calling herself a submissive write to me. Over the course of three days, she wrote an email each day. Now, this so-called sub happened to be black. In the last email she wrote she accused me of being more into white females than black ones because I did not respond to her in what she felt was a timely manner.

Why the assumption that I was more into whites than blacks? I simply did not have the time to respond... People who jump to conclusions should look to see where they are jumping before they leap. Quite often they do not like where they end up.

In the month I have been here, I have a total of three 'friends' on my profile. My brother Kane, and two females who requested to be friends, one of whom is in a relationship with a black male Dominant.

Over the course of the last three days, I went back to work after being on a vacation for two weeks. Yesterday I started a documentary series shooting footage on a jazz musician until the wee hours of the morning.

I have not been in a head space to even look at this site, or had the time to do so over the last few days.

So this person writes three emails over three days, and because she does not get an immediate response assumes (incorrectly) that I am not into black subs?

Ladies and gentlemen, how many of you actually have a life away from the computer? My time on the computer and coming on this site are not what pays my bills! CollarMe is 'entertainment' when I can get to it.

A word of advice to ANYONE expecting to get to know people through an online site, BE PATIENT!

You have NO idea what is going on in a persons life. Just because you have NO life and can go on a site and write everyday, do not assume that other people are able to do the same!

Also, if you are going to demand responses to your email, you should try promoting yourself a little by having a photo and some positive thoughts and messages that might inspire someone to write you.

Having a few journal entries that do not really say anything, NO photo and none of your interests or anything that would inspire interest in you, then getting angry and writing  a nasty little note just does NOT make anyone want to deal with you...

So, if you are an angry insecure person, and you have an online profile that has no photo and says nothing about what kind of person you are, then write emails asking why someone has not responded after only three days, you might find yourself alone quite a bit.

That word assume? You know, make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'? Well, I refuse to allow you to make an ass out of me. You are free to be an ass alone, however...

I apologize if this does not make much sense or is written poorly. I am tired and need sleep... I just had to respond to this person who is obviously alone for reasons that have nothing to do with me. I wish her well...



8/15/2010 10:58:31 AM
I have to laugh when I read a profile that attests to the inherent weakness of men because of their lack of control of their penis.

Domme's regularly sight this as the reason women are superior. There are men who will do anything just to get a whiff or a promise of pussy.

Do not be fooled by someone wearing the the title of 'dom' because those are some of the biggest perpetrators of this behavior. These 'little dick boys' only add confusion and anger to an already muddled subject.

Sexuality of men and women is not talked about enough. Men are supposed to 'just know' and women are supposed to be compliant in the minds of most of the people on this and other sites.

So, men will pretend and say all the buzz words in the hopes of attracting some hapless sub, and subs will will write endlessly about their idea of submission and what they expect as a result of their 'gift of submission'.

People, I do not mean to sound cynical, but there are no 'gifts' in life when it comes to relationships. Most of you have NO idea how hard a good Dom has to work to help you get to the point you are actually useful to him.

The group of Dominant males I associate with who have submissives and who own slaves do NOT want another hole to take care of. They choose their sub/slave just like they choose any other asset in their lives. They take time to evaluate the impact that person will have on adding them to their life. If a sub/slave does not come as a value added feature in their life, what could possibly be the benefit of having them around?

Just because you look good, know how to suck, fuck or whatever, while all of those things are wonderful, after some time passes if you are not bringing anything more to the life of that Dom you are just another load of bricks he has to sink time, effort and energy into maintaining.

We as men and women we deserve to have people who compliment us. Notice I said COMPLIMENT and not 'complete'. If you cannot do it on your own, how the hell can you expect to do it for your Sir when he is ill or somehow incapacitated? Life happens!

Some of you subs want everything and do not stop to think that your wonderful dom guy who 'takes care of you' will always be there. What happens if he gets sick? Are you able to get things done? Or will you fold up and go looking for a 'new dom' to take care of you?

It is not easy being a Dom or submissive. It takes WORK for all involved. That 'gift' bullshit some of you write about is over-valued.

A good Dom will work to make sure you are taken care of in all ways as long as he is capable. He should expect that if something happens to him, his sub/slave will take charge of the financial matters and get things done for him so that they can still have some semblance of a good life. That is what YOU expect as a female, is it not? Someone who will take care of you if something unfortunate happens?

So, you see, pussy is the LEAST of what a good man is looking for. Pussy is abundant and easy to get. You cannot pass through a city without there being some ready and available pussy to be had.

I am looking for people who are value added and not jut another gash or gaping hole to put my meat in.

I am not looking for pussy. The Doms in my circle of actual friends are not looking for pussy. Pussy is EVERY WHERE and abundant. Who cares if you have one? So do countless other women around you! What makes you special and unique is NOT what is between your thighs but what is in your head!

That is what a real Dom is looking for. That is what a real man needs. There are prostitutes and women of easy virtue for everything else. Why would he move a pussy into his domain just to occupy space and demand attention when they are 'naughty'? Get a clue, get a life!

No disrespect meant to domme's. If you are doing that thing and it works for you, keep stepping sister. there are plenty of those little dick boys to be had. Unless and until a man shows you he is otherwise you are free to think and do as you like, just as all human beings are.



8/15/2010 10:12:48 AM
Just a note, as much as I do NOT like photos posted of me ANYWHERE I posted one here for all to see. Add to that I have taken time to write words about me in my profile so that you can know a little about me before you write and not waste precious time contacting someone only to find they are not at all what you want.

This took time, effort and energy. I am a Dominant male and do not like wasting my time. If I look at your profile and see no photo, I can understand to some degree. There are lots of excuses why you do not have a photo. I don't like excuses...

If I look at your profile and you have little or no information about yourself, I really have no idea of what to expect.  I happen to know there is a spell-checker built into all of the programs on this site because I work at using it often, I am a horrible typist and do not enjoy typing.

That said, I want and expect  to see at least a partial photo and an attempt at explaining a little about yourself. If I see no words and no photo I am thinking this is someone who is not working at trying to communicate with me or anyone else. Communication is more important than pussy. There are a LOT of things more important than pussy.

I will not be after your pussy or anything else without communication. I need to know beforehand who and what I am getting involved with. Communication keeps my life simple. In fact, I do not even need to see the pussy unless and until we have established some communication and some energy exchange.

If you are getting harassed by little dick boys read some of my journal entries to learn how to handle them ('little dickness' is a state of mind and has nothing to do with the actual size of their member).

8/13/2010 9:12:36 AM
It is very interesting to me that there are those among you who will instantly expect to get into a power exchange with someone not knowing the slightest thing about them.

To me it is a red flag if I meet someone who immediately assumes that I want to exchange energy and time when we have only met online.

While I believe that the online experience can be a gateway to the introduction of the possibility of a connection, I believe it takes some real communication to establish whether or not there is any real foundation upon which to build the trust that is needed to get into the higher levels of intimacy beyond simple sex, 'play' or one night stands.

I will tell you, I love to fuck. I love more than anything to fuck someone's mind. Not in any sense of the meaning is there anything negative in what I like to do. Dark, perhaps, but not harmful.

That said, just because I love to fuck does not mean that I want to fuck YOU, just because I wrote you. I do not know you! I do not know who you slept with last, if you are a ticking time bomb ready to explode if I trigger you, I do not know ANY of the important little things I need to know to keep enjoying my life and having a wonderful time.

So, I do not start off owning and commanding you simply because I do not know if I want you on that level. If you require an immediate connection and expect me to be your online dom because you want it, you obviously need to rethink what a dominant male is.

I choose when and if that is an energy I want to expend. IF we have something more than a casual connection, and we are in agreement that we wish to share or explore something more things might move forward.

I like meeting people face to face before I get all strung out. I have been online since 1988 and have seen and heard it all in terms of online relationships. I do not play any game but my own.

If this offends you, by all means, keep stepping, I wish you well and have a wonderful life experience...

As to those of you that this makes some sense, let's keep moving together...

8/13/2010 2:10:01 AM
Perhaps I am in the minority, but I do not want to look at a woman's vagina unless and until I am about to make use of it. I do not need to see it in profile photos. I would prefer a nice photo of your eyes over a vagina shot anytime.

I am more interested in what is behind your eyes than what is between your legs. If I am doing what I am supposed to, your mind will yield the pathway to removing your pants so that I can see what you are working with.

Where the mind goes your ass will follow...

SHOW ME YOUR EYES not between your thighs...

8/13/2010 1:50:28 AM
Ladies, if you are interested in electrical stimulation play and have no experience, and would like some introductory lessons and are in the greater Los Angeles area, please contact me. I have a Violet Wand and would love to show you how it works!

We can arrange to meet at the Lair de Sade (www.lairdesade.com). It is a safe, sane and consensual fetish club in North Hollywood.

You must let me know when you plan to attend so that I will be there with my kits. I do not play all the time and am rather selective with whom I share energy exchange. The word 'play' is a misnomer, I am heavily into Erotic Power Exchange (EPE). I am not playing and electrical stim play is not dangerous, but it is no joke...

If you are a Dominant and want to see how your submissive will respond, I will show you some of the basics as well.



8/10/2010 3:57:35 AM
I am not the not the usual 'dominant' male found on this site or for that matter any other site. I am accepted by my close Dominant male friends as a Dom and have been honored to have become a member of the Society of Monarchs, a fraternal order of Dominant men in Southern California.

That said, I am not one to go around beating my chest and proclaiming my dominance over submissive females I do not know. I do not want the responsibility of but a few select people whose company I enjoy sharing as a D/s dynamic.

It is my habit of treating everyone as a gentleman or lady, regardless whether or not they feel they are. This means I will be polite, respectful and cordial, unless given license or a reason to act otherwise. I think being 'civilized' is a good thing.

Now, on the other hand, I can be a real Bastard and an asshole, if the situation dictates that I go there. However, if I allow another persons words or behavior to cause me to lose control, then I am not in control of myself, they are.

This is something I have to work on, moment to moment, especially while driving. I am not always patient or understanding, but it is something I am aware of and work on at all times.

If I have written you, and do not demand that you bow down before me immediately, please do not mistake this for weakness. It is just my way of being and getting to know you.

The simple truth is if I do not know you I am not sure I want to exchange energy with you as I am in the habit of doing in Erotic Power Exchange (EPE). If I am going to spend time with you, I need to know you are not going to waste my time with things and issues that you are dragging around with you from past relationships.

Just because someone looks good and can string a few sentences together on a profile page, and even get through a meal on their best behavior, does not mean that person is someone I want to get involved with on any level.

I am a dominant male. This is MY life. I get to choose who I want in it and how I want them to be in my life. If I offend you or anyone, I apologize, however, I reserve the right to simply be indifferent about you. I will not waste my time or energy being upset about you not liking my style.

I am doing wonderful not knowing you and will do better without you if you are among those people who thrive on anything but trying to improve the quality of life for everyone you know and the world.

I have found that by creating my space to be in harmony as much and as often as I can serves me very well. I wish all of you wellness and prosperity.

8/10/2010 3:54:38 AM
I am not the not the usual 'dominant' male found on this site or for that matter any other site. I am accepted by my close Dominant male friends as a Dom and have been honored to have become a member of the Society of Monarchs, a fraternal order of Dominant men in Southern California.

That said, I am not one to go around beating my chest and proclaiming my dominance over submissive females I do not know. I do not want the responsibility of but a few select people whose company I enjoy sharing as a D/s dynamic.

It is my habit of treating everyone as a gentleman or lady, regardless whether or not they feel they are. This means I will be polite, respectful and cordial, unless given license or a reason to act otherwise. I think being 'civilized' is a good thing.

Now, on the other hand, I can be a real Bastard and an asshole, if the situation dictates that I go there. However, if I allow another persons words or behavior to cause me to lose control, then I am not in control of myself, they are.

This is something I have to work on, moment to moment, especially while driving. I am not always patient or understanding, but it is something I am aware of and work on at all times.

If I have written you, and do not demand that you bow down before me immediately, please do not mistake this for weakness. It is just my way of being and getting to know you.

The simple truth is if I do not know you I am not sure I want to exchange energy with you as I am in the habit of doing in Erotic Power Exchange (EPE). If I am going to spend time with you, I need to know you are not going to waste my time with things and issues that you are dragging around with you from past relationships.

Just because someone looks good and can string a few sentences together on a profile page, and even get through a meal on their best behavior, does not mean that person is someone I want to get involved with on any level.

I am a dominant male. This is MY life. I get to choose who I want in it and how I want them to be in my life. If I offend you or anyone, I apologize, however, I reserve the right to simply be indifferent about you. I will not waste my time or energy being upset about you not liking my style.

I am doing wonderful not knowing you and will do better without you if you are among those people who thrive on anything but trying to improve the quality of life for everyone you know and the world.

I have found that by creating my space to be in harmony as much and as often as I can serves me very well. I wish all of you wellness and prosperity.

8/1/2010 3:51:25 PM
I have read and listened to women and a few men complain about the people who write to them. As a Dominant male, I am not one to sit around and whine about things. I can either do something about them, or leave them alone until I can.

On that note, I wrote a submissive the following note, hoping to improve her plight. I thought it might be of use to others that experience undesirable people constantly writing them.

First thing, just ignore them at the first sign of them being morons. Completely ignore them by blocking them, not replying to them in ANY fashion or commenting about them on your page.

Secondly, by speaking of things you do not like you only attract more of those things you do not like. By posting it where others can read it, those like the ones you do not like will read it and write to you to prove how wrong you are and try to convince you they are correct.

Finally, when you constantly bemoan or argue about those people who annoy you, it makes YOU look small or like a whiner who cannot control her world.

Anyone who has frequented a site like this for any length of time knows there are a great deal of people, men and women who are really not engaged or into BDSM, Erotic Power Exchange or any aspect of sincere, honest and open communication.

If it is your heartfelt desire to experience these things then it is YOUR responsibility to filter out all things undesirable, and refocus your intention and purpose on that which YOU want, instead of dramatizing that which you do not.

I believe the Universe only sends you those things you feel most passionately about, regardless if those things are 'good' or 'bad'. If you focus your intention on morons, you will always attract morons. If you focus your attention on more desirable people, that is what you will attract.

Why waste time and energy, beyond one polite response, on someone who is not what you want? That would be like going to the toilet then carrying it around in a little baggy saying you do not need it!

So in short, focus on those people, qualities and characteristics that you desire. If you must write something, let it be about what is good and desirable instead of what is not. You do not want to appear as one who whines in self-pity. A strong Dominant wants a strong submissive who can handle life as it comes to her and knows how to weed out the small stuff.

Always be a Lady, be polite, then ignore. That is your right and responsibility. Remove all negative responses on your profile you have written to those you do not want to attract. Look for and discover people who represent that which you desire. Comment about them and their profiles and ignore all that s not what you want.

I do not want to beat this to death and hope you understand my philosophy. I hope it helps you in discovering all you desire and that it leads you to the peaceful interactions with those you seek.

Feel free to write me if you have questions or feel that this is helpful. I hope that it does not sound like I am preaching to you or too much like 'new age' nonsense. I apply these principles to my life and find them to work very effectively, but it takes vigilance and constant practice to not fall back into the 'old habits' that most people do without thinking.

So, don't sweat the small stuff...

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