I have known since I first become aware of my sexuality that for me sexuality is about ownership, a total master/slave style of relating, including S&M. It is simply true that to me a woman exists to serve my pleasure -- sexually primarily, but also in every other aspect as well. The more skill and aptitude she has for service, the better. It is just simply true that in terms of women, that is who I am. There is no getting around it, and I won't be comfortable unless the woman I am with feels the same.

It is also true however, that the above in no way provides a complete picture of who I am. There is quite a lot more to me. I have a very deep comitment to finding the truth about life, to living in harmony with that truth. The truth, as I see it, is that we are all connected, and what matters in life isn't 'what we get', but who we are, and how we relate to the people around us. (To me, 'Master/slave' isn't about 'what I want', actually quite ironically so, it is rather about 'who I am', as I have learned through long experience) My highest goals have nothing to do with sexuality, but rather with living an uplifted life, making a difference, being responsible, decent, and caring to those around me, and the world. I believe strongly in personal responsibility, which most assuredly has to include sharing the load of everyday details. Most importantly, I believe in being the leader in a relationship, which certainly means being someone that can be looked up to, providing not just a good example, but indeed responsibility for the entire environment of the relationship. I believe in providing direction for personal growth, opportunities for learning, and a rich environment full of creativity, and spark. My primary personal emphasis is on walking my talk, leading by example. (and have therefore come to learn that it's best not to talk to much :) I'd rather have a few ideals I live up to well, rather than lots of ideals that are just talk)

I am a very multi-faceted person. I have lived all over the world, and more importantly, have been blessed by that experience to have a rich appreciation of other cultures, and peoples, as well as subtle and sophisticated tastes in many things. On the other hand I'm not at all stuck up about it. I can be just as happy with simple things, which I tend to feel is the height of elegance anyway. I am generally regarded as quite intelligent, though I don't at all try make a show of it. Many people who wear their intelligence on their sleaves seem terribly borish to me, especially when they aren't all that intelligent anyway. I am very political, environmental, and forward looking. Progressive in a word. I don't believe that my sexuality is a blue-print for how the world should be, and I feel that the world is deeply troubled by the excesses of power, and the chaos of confused ideas about what matters. I am musical, and artistic, though not sadly, enough to make a living at it. Though I am a serious person, indeed perhaps because of it, I love taking things light, having fun, laughing, playing. I consider my highest practice to not take things seriously while at the same time not losing responsibility, sensitivity, reality. If those seem contradictory, it's only because life is contradictory, as anyone who truly connects with BDSM understands at some level. (I've emphasized my serious side in this because I want to distinguish both the dual nature of who I am and to make clear that I am not a player)

Most of who I am is below the water line, hidden beneath the surface. I am not a pushy dom. I'm not going to jerk you around, blowing trivia into monstrosities. I hold myself to a high standard, and I absolutely hold the others in my world to the same standard. I don't make a big show of my demands. I am quiet and soft-spoken. I say things in a quiet gentle way, that belies the importance of them. I expect the things I say to be treated as commands, absolute commands, then the simple, gentle way I express them can be seen for the politeness, and kindness that it is. If we get to the point of my having to emphasize that I'm serious about what I say, then we are already in trouble. I expect a woman to take me seriously, just as I take her seriously, and just as she takes herself seriously.

I am about elegance in all things, including most assuredly my sexuality, and in the emotions that come with relating. I strive to provide an environment of peace and acceptance, love in fact, where everyone's heart is seen, valued, and supported. I don't much appreciate people who treat relationship as a place to win battles, and hide the truth. I expect your priority to be on building harmony, not on winning battles. I expect you to notice, and respect, that I am doing the same.

Sexually I am on the harder side. I prefer the deeper end of the pool, though that of course depends on how someone hears it. My proclivity is primarily for the whip, crop, cane, as well as a fair amount of physical aggression. I enjoy creating challenges, and games, out of the material of submission. My ideal is a slave who also has a very strong comitment to style, presentation, form, and ritual. One who delights in participating in the theater of submission, as well as the psychology of it. Consensuality is more than just a slogan with me, it is in fact a deeply essential part of the picture. On the other hand, I am not particularly partial to limits, and safe-words. I tend to describe my approach as consensual non-consent. That phrase has been getting a lot of bad press lately, so let me explain that what that means to me is that it is my job to ensure that safety occurs. I do have limits. They tend to be somewhat fluid, depending more on the specific actual situation, and the participants feelings in the moment, than with specific do's and dont's. Some specific limits that I do have though are that I am in no way going to permanently damage anyone, play around with blood, certainly not have any involvement with children and (I can't even believe I'm saying this, but it seems it needs to be said) not anything even remotely related to issues of life and death. More importantly perhaps I also have limits around the emotional aspects of what I do: I'm not someone who is going to pressure someone into doing things that are abhorant to them. Anything which make a mockery of someone's self-respect, and self-regard, is something that makes a mockery of myself respect, and I'll have nothing to do with it. In general I'm not about manipulative pressure with regard to anything. I do strongly believe in self-determination -- which means any woman who would be with me has to have a deep inner calling to service. If you don't have it, and just like to play the game of 'you push me around, so I'll be justified in jerking you around', is not someone that I am going to fit with. On the other hand, as I said, my tastes do run to the harder end. While I have often held back because the woman I was with was clearly not emotionally ready, I do tend to prefer a woman who can handle a good amount of pain, more than 'handle' actually, while she doesn't have to be sexually stimulated by it, she does have to appreciate/enjoy serving in that way.

My expectations of obedience extend far outside of the sexual realm. Most important of all is obedience to my requirements for good communication, and lack of emotional drama. I require that a woman be able to communicate forthrightly, clearly and effectively about what is going on with her emotionally, psychically, sexually, mentally, without being disrespectful, aggressive, confrontational, or manipulative. In a word without being reactive. I offer, and expect, creative approaches to problem solving, free from fantasies (on the part of both of us) of getting everything we want. I rather take an approach of creating win/win scenarios where everyones needs are met, and everyones feelings valued, and that definitely is a two way street. I refuse to get into a cycle of acting out and punishment. I do enjoy play punishment, but I find true punishment to be not that effective, rooted in a false idea of why we do what we do. I tend toward the 'Three strikes' model. If I have to punish you often that will be grounds for ending the relationship.

I am a complete person, engaged, connected, alive, curious, involved, active. I need a woman who complements all of who I am. One who is sane, responsible, kind, mature, decent, alive, fun, sophisticated, genuine, smart -- a total women, with a heart of gold, and hot lusty sexuality that she savors, celebrates, and balances with the rest of her extraordinary being. Someone like that will find me a worthy, fun, delightful, delicious, devious, galant, gentle, demanding, deliberate, aggressive, powerful, but most of all genuine, and true owner.