These tears drip down my cheeks

a sign of your ever swaying hold over me

i try to fight back, try to urun away

but your power is like a drug, somehow i cant break free

Amazing how much pain a person can be put through. Through everything ive been through ive kept my head up and tried to be strong, but how can you be strong when it feels like your breaking into a million pieces. They say hell b ok, but how do i know that. HE BROKE HIS HIP AT 70 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Therapy is helping but he still has a long way to go and he has a viral infection or something liek that, which makes him cough which makes him lose his breathe. Shes in another state, living her dreams, and tells me she might be pregnant. Great another baby in the family. ANd if anything happens to her and her bf after my grandparents are gone, her parents, im stuck raising this damn baby, im only twenty i shouldnt have to think about shit like this. He broke my heart so many times already, but i keep going back. I've been called stupid, but some people say love is stupid, love is blind, but how many times can you turn a blind eye on the pain before it becomes too much. Hes my rock, my strong point, yet its been two years since he died and i cant get over him being gone, i miss my cousin. I didn't kno him for 17 years and now im in his life for three years and his life goes to shit, i wanna be strong for him, be hte daughter he can lean on, but how do i do that when im already in pain

Today has been so crazy. My grandmother got me up at 7am after only sleeping for three hours, and told me she was leaving to go see my grandfather. After getting ready, i called my older brotehr who brought me to see my grandfather and then back to his house to see my nieces and nephews. what a stress relief it was to hold my 11 month old niece in my arms, and sing her to sleep. i felt my worries melt away the second i had her safe in my arms and those big brown eyes locked with mine and i couldnt help but smile. she makes aunty so happy, and she loves her aunty. walking around hte living room singing youll be in my heart to her and it felt so right, so calm. afterwards sitting curled up in my favorite chair with her leaning agaisnt my chest, rocking her side to side as she fell asleep, i realized that those kids are such a big part of me, and they love aunty so fuckin much that i wonder why i didnt see them more before. now sitting in my computer room drinknig a diet coke, i know that seeing those kids helped me relieve stress in a way, bc they make me laugh