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| i have resisted writing a profile because i am not seeking a Dom. However, the journal entries aren't being read.
So, i will say it one more time with better clarity -- i am collared, taken, spoken for, and (may i add) quite happy, content, ecstatic and amazed with my current Master, BLKSIRE. i will be with Him for as long as He will have me.
i wish all of you the best of luck in your respective searches.
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What is there to be learned from submission if i don't obey? How is that any kind of a personal journey. Because if Doms believe that we (meaning subs and slaves) are completely in this for the service we give, then they don't understand the process. Yes, i love serving Sire. Yes, i would do anything for the man. And yes, the fact that i can please Him gives me a great deal of satisfaction. But with all of that paramount, i still contend that i have learned more about myself as a person through this relationship than i have at any other time in my life. The journey to submission is what interests me. Freeing myself from my preconceived ideas about the limits i place on myself and my life. If i don't obey what Sire wants for me - how would i ever go beyond what i know. i firmly believe that if you don't surround yourself with others who are better than you - then you will never be better than you are. i mean that in every way - spiritual, financial, personal etc. etc.
This is how i see it - He believes i am a better person than how i see myself. He encourages and mentors and, in the process, pushes me (sometimes unwillingly) out of my comfort zone. i am often uncomfortable in new situations, but He has taught me that even if uncomfortable, the sky doesn't fall, the world doesn't end. He is always there to give me comfort (in His own way) and make sure i understand the lesson. If all i do is question Him, then why would i be with Him?
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Wow, that summer went fast! i just got back from a visit with Sire and, per usual, it was great! i visited the new house which is amazing, and got to show off the weight that i've lost. He was sufficiently impressed and gave me the incentive i needed to keep going. i don't think that anyone needs to fit a cookie cutter mold of fitness and beauty, but i do believe that if i take my position as His servant and property seriously, that it would be disrespectful to not take care of myself. His compliments carry me through those moments of exhaustion on the exercise equipment. And i appreciate the way He encourages the occasional indulgence despite watching my diet. He doesn't chastize me for indulging once in a while, and that makes me think more carefully about my choices. It's about rewarding positive behavior and i really appreciate that. |
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i am trying very hard to understand why so many become pessimistic with regard to commitment. Many individuals have the expectation that they will meet the "One" and hope to develop a meaningful and long lasting relationship. But just under the skin of it all lies trepidation. "Will i trust too much, too deeply, and in the end, be hurt?" That inner conflict is at the very heart of a D/s relationship (any relationship really).
By nature i am a glass-half-full kind of person. i have a Master who is incredibly deserving of my trust. Yet, when i express my sincerest belief that i will always be with Him, others want to remind me (in the spirit of friendship) of the many things that could go wrong, and the myriad of ways that i could be disappointed.
i understand their hesitancy, and i know it comes from a place of caring. But i think of the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy . . . if i see the relationship failing, then my negativity might in some way lead to that very end.
i don't believe a sad ending is made any better for the anticipation of it. i have said from the start that i am completely His until He no longer wants me. If all of those delicious moments ended tomorrow, i would have no regrets and would know that i lived fully in each moment we had. |
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Three months since i made a new entry. It isn't that i don't have anything, but finding the time to say it!
Sire is moving!!!!!! He will be closer and that is exciting.
i have been having conversations recently with another sub/slave on this site who has been experiencing frustration with a Dom that was training her. She was committed to learning from him and distressed to find that he was being less than genuine, playing mind games, and (for lack of a more refined phrase) jerking her around. Why does this happen?
Do Doms not realize the endless amount of devotion that can be plumbed from a slave who feels her Dom has integrity? It is simple really - back up everything that you say with honest action. Deal in truth and show her why she should place her life in your hands.
Fortunately, my friend has conviction and is willing to work through this, and even abandon the relationship if, in the end, that is the action that is merited. Too many would compromise what they know to be right, just to have a few moments of superficial pleasure. In the end, they are very unhappy.
Wow! i didn't even realize it was a "soap box" kinda day :) |
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i can't help it. When i see Him, i am a giddy, silly school girl. My heart races and all i want to do is just touch Him and kneel at His feet. He requires restraint, and i have no choice but to restrain my reactions. But i don't want to . . . i want to crawl to Him, worship Him, touch Him and bring Him more pleasure than is bearable.
What's a slave to do?  |
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Twas the night before Christmas
And in Master's house
Not a stitch was left on me
Not even a blouse.
The stockings were wadded up
in a ball on the floor.
The corset was dangling
from a hook on the door.
I was restrained spread eagle
to the posters of the bed
While thoughts of His touch
danced in my head.
And Sire in His glory
stood at the command
And whispered sternly and softly
"I do this because I can."
From the look on His face
I had nothing to fear.
With a pinch to my nipple it was
"Let's get started My dear."
He turned to St. Nick
and said with a smile
"You can come back later.
We'll be here for a while."
Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!! |
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Honesty is such a necessary quality - certainly for any relationship - but especially in D/s. Sire is a man who can tell me things honestly and He does it in such a way that i see things clearly with a glimpse at the inherent potential i have to become better. A friend once said that in serving a Master, my only fear should be what marvelous opportunities i might miss by not giving of myself completely. i have experienced more understanding and transformation during my time with Sire than at any other time in my life.
Neither of us knows if W/we will ever be able to completely indulge in activities that He would like. But i believe He knows that, if it were possible, i would gladly give Him all that i have in the hopes that He could experience unending pleasure. There is no limit to what i would do for Him. |
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It is not only possible, but nearly unavoidable to love not only the gentleman that Sire is, but also the beast that lives in Him as well. i just returned from another visit, most certainly the last one for this year, and as usual i was surprised by Sire's control of each and every minute we spent together.
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Another great visit . . . just a short time together, and a lot of other business was accomplished, but Sire always manages to carve out time for me and i am appreciative of every second. i was privileged to be there for His birthday and gave Him a small token of my devotion. i was so honored that He appreciated His gift and the thought i put into it. i can never seem to top (pun intended) the gifts He gives me though . . . they are so many. |
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On objectification -- During our last visit, Sire woke me up at 5 a.m. and for the the next hour or so, He didn't want to talk, or let me speak, or let me touch Him. It was very much like He just wanted to use my body to get Himself off. And though it sounds really cold and unattached, I found that I didn't mind it at all. He was moving me into different positions and that suggested a familiarity with my body that (somewhat) countered the objectification aspects. He had cracked the curtains and with the sun coming up, the morning sun was slowly illuminating everything He was doing. Perhaps the greatest thing i gained from it was realizing that as a human being, it is impossible to belong completely to someone else. But as an object, that is possible. And during that time, i felt completely His. |
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Just a moment to express a pet peeve of mine. i see the profiles of other submissives here and read their words of frustration over receiving inappropriate emails. they complain that no one reads their profile, or respects their collar . . . all of this next to a naked, or nearly naked, picture. i am not of a "blame-the-victim" mindset, but honestly if you don't want the attention then is it possible a less provocative pose might be better? i don't know everything, but i do know this - those who are attracted to the forms of the female shape do not read the articles first when they get a new issue of Playboy.
i also saw the same complaint in the journal of a submissive, only to read her profile and find that she did not mention her collar until well into a lengthy profile. If you cannot respect your collar enough to mention it first thing, then why be surprised when others don't offer their respect as well?
(putting the soap box back in the closet now.) |
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There is nothing like being broken down, taken to the edge of your own limits, and then brought back safely from the precipice into a safety by someone you trust implicitly. i love knowing that Sire can do these things, and take care of me afterward without compromising His approach to me and His personality. Too little care, and i would feel too diminished, too much and i would feel coddled. As usual, His treatment of me is just what i need - even without me knowing it. |
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i've just returned from a really wonderful visit with BlkSire. It is hard for me to verbalize how lucky i feel. Never have i met a Man who is so good at testing my limits, yet so accepting of me. It's hard to imagine a more perfect time together. And the best part is that only a month has to pass before i see Him again!
i have lived a good deal of my life just getting by. Not that i haven't had successes, i am very happy with my place in life. But contentment, without reaching for something more . . . isn't that just settling?Yesterday, Sire said something that resonated with me. He said that in order to strive for more, you have to surround yourself with those who challenge you and ask more of you than you realize you are capable of.Sire is just such a Master to me. He is concerned with not only testing my limits in our D/s relationship, but also with making me realize that i am capable of so much more in all aspects of my life. i don't know what more i could ask for. |
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