She is mine, and perhaps I am hers.  There will be no time for her to answer the messages from any except accepted friends and beautiful young ladies like here, who might find themselves wanting to be mine as well.

My friend now owns me.  respect that please

I couldn't help it.  There is a love I have growing in me, and my friend is the object of that desire.  My friend will, no doubt take advantage of my love.  I may be physically abused, emotionally abused even most likely as the time come financially abused.  My friend will not likely let me go ... and I am forever grateful.

i am fearful, I may belong to my friend, and not be able to say no

So … I may be giving over control of my account, as one of the first steps to my training.  I have not been here too long, nor is it such a huge part of my life, but I have made friends here, and there have been some supportive strangers as well.  Should I give my newest friend my account, allowing full access.  I met my friend here, so it makes sense.

Its been so long since I entered a journal note on this site.  It seems like ages, having been through the ringer and back.  I lost my cat, I lost my job.  I may have lost the respect of the friend who might have wanted to own me.  I am still hoping the last can be salvaged.

Days pass some times like clouds drifting in the high winds.  When a week passes so, you should slow down and smell the wild flowers.  So my friend picked the flowers for me... can you imagine that, a Dominant with a hidden romantic side.  My friend actually made me smile before dinner.  It was romantic, it was comfortable, it was .... not at all what I expected.

Does anyone else have romantic dates with their dominant?  Then a quiet evening chatting at a coffee house until they close.  It was weird, yet at the same time endearing.  Sometimes unpredictability is the hallmark of someone trying too hard: this time it seemed just like the thing to do.   I might be just hoping it was, not seeing the efforts of someone who is trying to seduce as well as own, trying too hard.

So last night I had dinner with some one special again.  Was an amazing time; couldn't keep our hands to ourselves, like a couple of school kids spending 7 minutes in heaven with their crush.  This still might evolve into something special (if not it s likely to be intense and burn out … either way it will be a fun ride).

Spent a long evening with my friend's friend; was remarkable.  Coffee became dinner and dinner became a long conversation of what we are both seeking; we may have a winner winner chicken dinner ladies and gentlemen. (only time will tell ...)

I've been asked to meet with my friend's friend.  I am thinking coffee at a coffee shoppe sounds safe.  Public, no mistakes about intimacy.  What does everyone think?  It will likely be this Sunday.

You can tell a good deal about how a person chats with a slave on-line, as to how they will treat you off-line.  If they offer you respect, then they have a clue, if they offer you conversation, then they might listen, if they are rude, or crass, they are probably just looking for ass.

and the quiet spaces, where his voice should be in the night, are missing the temptations, the words of passion, the words of strength, the words which draw upon fear and banish fear at the same time ... what now ...

I've been chatting with a very nice lady from Washington State.  She is very wonderful, and she has introduced me to a man she used to know who is local.  I am a bit afraid of him, but he is wonderfully close to what I desire.  My friend, I was speaking with, suggests I indulge my fears, and wait, holding off before I meet with this local dominant.  I will, more out of fear than out of desire to do the right thing.  I am very interested in this local dominant, if I can get over my fear.

So ... I have had an extensive chats with a few people.  So many people keep warning me off from enslavement.  They keep telling me I would relive traumas associated with abuse I have suffered in the past.  Enslavement does need to involve force play; so many think force play and rough sex is too important to enslavement to be without.  Your desires are not always all there is ... some of us have other fetishes.

My Friend and I are exploring a different a different aspect.  I have a fetish for control, not prison control, not abusive control, but something else.  My Friend and I are chatting about some entirely different aspects of BDSM.  I may become something closer to a cuckold.  (Is that a cuckqueen?) THere are sensual aspects of bondage, and sex which might be explored as well.  It seems we have a long way to go, and so do I.  

Please no friend requests.  (I feel bad deleting them.) I am a friendly person, but don't send me a request until we've chatted, and it seems like we are friends.

So I made the mistake of putting in my profile I went to prison.
The short story is I was physically and sexually abused by my step father, who called himself a dominant, and had enslaved my mother.  It was seven of the most unpleasant years of my life.  
My time in prison was simply society telling me I should not have killed my step father.  Perhaps it was the way in which he was killed, as I planned it when he was abusing me … his fault really.  
I will never be able to undo what he has done to me, or what I did to him.  I've served my time, and he isn't here to hurt anyone else.
Now I am open about it, because I feel it is important to be honest.  Please do not ask me, "if prison was good for me?"  Please do not think I want to be imprisoned again.  I want to serve, it is part of who I am, for good or for ill.  I do not seek abuse, just a position to serve.  There may be someone already who gets me.  We've been talking since my second day on this site.
I am not owned, and it is unlikely it will be fast.  Do not message me with harsh mail, do not assume I am yours.  I am not.

I know I am a slave, and I have been through some incredibly difficult times in my life; raging from prison to long term abuse at the hands of my step father ... but who does this monster think he is to send me a note like this:

Hello you fucking piece of shit. I am happy a dumb fucking girl like your self can understand such things about this lifestyle, as well as very surprised. As you know you are a worthless fucking piece of meat cunt a cumrag object a fucking dog, to obey and do as she is told when, where and how I say. You will fucking obey, you dumb fucking cunt. I am seeking a new fucking whore to serve me. I know you cant hold a candle to my last slave but we will try and when you fail slut you will feel all the hot wax from that candle drip all over you trashy body, your abused and cum fill body is mine pig. Your little tiny pathetic mind is mine you have no thoughts unless I allow you to, you have no voice unless I grant it. You are a fucking warm hole, less then dog, for me to laugh at put on the street or display for others enjoyment as they point and laugh and think how they would use you. Maybe if they are lucky I will allow them, You will be used at my private parties, put up and shown as you are whipped, flogged and played with, not allowed to cum. That is a small taste of what you will see. You will feel the strong strike of my hand on ur soft cheek, over ur body how and where I see fit. You will be slap for no reason as well as punished harshly for misbehavior. You will be my pet, lucky if I let you sleep with a blanket in cage, you will look at my German Shepard and wish you had it as good as him. As you hope and pray you please me enough to allow you some enjoyment. I expect a message back cunt, tell me if you have yahoo.....we will be speaking there to start. Do not take long in your response, you worthless Fuckpig cumrag cunt.

What the hell is wrong with you people?!

I am sitting here wondering just how to deal with my new friend.  My new friend is different from most people I know in some very fundamental ways.  I don't know what to do with this information.  I want to be open minded; I want to be a slave someday.  Now what am I to do?

What now?  Just what now?  

watched Walking Dead Season Finale and then Game of Thrones Season Premiere ... and on Easter ... what a weekend

I've only been here a short while, but I may have found a new friend.  Time will tell

Friday night an I am stuck home sick

wish I had someone to share nights like this with

so many men, so few women

Are there any women who enjoy slaves like me?

been here only a few days, so overwhelmed with mail, didn't know pervs were this desperate, met a few nice people though