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I am a bbw female who is looking to be trained to serve. I do not offer you a long term relationship outside of a D/S one. I would like to attempt to make it clear that I am not simply looking for a hook-up. I would like to find one dom who will let me submit to him and only to him. I want to know him, what he wants, how he feels, I want to be able to have a conversation with him in which this aspect of our lives never comes up.
I am a happily married woman, whose husband just is not the dom that she needs to control her. He knows that I am here and looking, and understands that this is something he cannot do for me by his own admission. I believe you can't force anyone to be a sub or a dom, they have to have the need to serve or be served inside of them. Making someone do something they do not want to do in that sense, is the same as supressing someone from doing something they feel they need to do. I need to be spanked, and often, as I find the pain very cleansing and euphoric.
Being submissive does not define me, just as I do not define being submissive. I am a pretty simple person,I love my computer, my truck, my husband and family, and my career. I am somewhat of a redneck, raised southern in that typical southern Belle style. I am cooky and perhaps a little weird, but I am funny and fun to be around :) I am a Star Wars nerd, the sound of Darth Vader's voice makes me insane. I play World of Warcraft when I am not studying, (I am in college right now working towards a degree) or working as a paramedic.
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So yeah, been a while. School is great, I am still pulling down an A-B average, mostly A's, and I graduate in another semester or so. Other than that, life has been an amazing and sometimes difficult roller coaster ride, but I am hanging on with both hands! I may have found religion..possibly..and I have found an avenue to release years of pent up sexual frustration, so that is good lol.
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Have you ever had that one moment when the clouds opened up and all life seemed like it was waiting at your feet? When the sun shines just a little brighter, the birds sing sweeter, and the air smells of Jasmine and hope? When conversations in passing sound like wonderfly crafted songs, and they are all about babies and joy and laughter? When your smile cannot be contained, and soon, it takes over your face and everyone who sees you knows how blisfully happy you are??
nah..me either LOL
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So of all the things I love, here is one thing I do not like : A dom who calls you a loser and tells you that you have made some mistake when you say that you don't feel you are compatable with that person. This of course, tends to fall right in line with those doms who speak to you once and assume that you are going to sleep with them and call them Master after a 5 minute conversation. Everyone deserves a certain amount of respect, I belive this is a given in BD/SM as well as the world around us. But to me, a dom must earn the title of Master, yes Sir, I said earn it! I expect in turn to earn the right to be dommed by you, see how that works? I may be the submissive, I may be the one who shall strive to fufill your every need and every desire...But... there is work here for both of us. I am woman..woo me lol.
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I am sorry to everyone who has written me without responce these last few days, Ive been so busy. It's finals time, Im leaving to take a Sociology final here in a sec, my father and I just replaced the transmission in my truck, and 2 family friends have died this last week in Iraq. Again, my apologies, and I hope to talk to you soon!
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As so many have asked me, I have decided to explain my name through a journal entry :)
Autophobia is a fear of yourself, basically. No, lol, I do not scare myself when I look in the mirror, I do not cry out in the night thinking that I see myself in every shadow in my bedroom, it is the natural regard and reverance that we all must have for our actions. For example, since I was a child I have wanted to be a certain profession. Now that I am all grown up (ok mostly) I am going to school for that profession and it has taught me a hard lesson about myself and the world around me. You see in order to be my profession, my community regards me in the same regard that they would a politician. The things that I need in order to feel like a whole person, mainly BD/Sm and to serve a Master, my Master, must be hidden and secret. Can I fuffill one need while hiding another? Should one life long dream be set aside and replaced with another? Is it more important to be financially secure or mentally secure? Who shot JFK? Questions...a fear of my answers... that is autophobia.
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| Age: 20 |
| Calgary,
Canada |
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