I got asked, by another Domme I know, why don't I spend more time blogging about the subjects that I can more intelligently discuss than using my journal as a complaint page. I have a lot of good ideas and not all are bitchy ones. So this is my attempt to create a more intellectual rant for those who want my 2 cents that usually ends up being more like a few bucks.

In my endless pursuit of the more cerebral aspects of BDSM I am reading Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission. Which has been a great book so far, by the way. One of the interviewees said "S/m is not a matter of activity nor of degree: It's a matter of intention." I have not found a better way to put it.  

In all the years I have tried to teach intent, I always say do it with intention, what ever it is. The definition is "an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions." An example would be "If you are asked for oral service, lick with the intent of producing an orgasm. Not to simply touch two surfaces together.

Intention in S/m activities is so much more important than the quatity of your activites or how dominating or how submissive you can be. It is the amount of your being you put into the activity or lifestyle as a whole. When you are doing a scene the intent should have your entire focus and not bits and pieces. A flogging with no intent on satisfaction for both people is empty and lifeless. If as a Dom you do the same thing over you have become repetitious and have succombed to auto pilot. Not very exciting.

Aa a new sub, since I love them because of the discovery that goes on, your only intent has been to land a Dom/Domme. Now don't forget that intent when you serve. If you sever with the intention of mutual satisfaction you find your serveice more rewarding. Don't just serve for the sake of serving. Serve with the intent of gaining something from the experience. It will enhance your longevity in the lifestyle.

In a lifestyle Dominant and a lifestyle submissive the intent for a mutually satisfying relationship should never go away. If it does and you reach the auto pilot stage, reaccess what you are doing. Don't do damge to other or to yourself.  The scene can quickly wear thin on a person when they loos their intent and it just becomes reactionary and lifeless.

I may bbe different, I know I am, and I have never lost my that intent for satisfaction. I don't keep a stable to boost my ego. I have a specific purpose/need in mind and choose each person who serves me very carefully. I choose them for the positive benefit we both receive from the relationship. I don't suggest any other way for newbies. The last thing you want is a mechanical Dominant. Ok some of you do and you choose to pay for service of that type. I see nothing wrong with that once you know what your needs are.

In the begining and if looking for a long term relationship with your Dominant/submissivve, don't forget... its not how often you play (although I advocate as often as possible) or how hard of a player you are, it comes down to your intentions. What do you want for yourself from the role you take? Are you getting it? Or is it lifeless? It should never be lifeless. It should be alive and everchanging like we are as human beings.

My style has definitely evolved into a very sensual style. It does not mean however that I don't dish out the punishment as needed. I do believe in the "mental mind fuck" as a predominant theme for my play. I won't just require mindless service. I require an entire mind, body and soul experience.

Moving is such a pain. I don't think 10 domestic subs could get my house put together. I think Mickey Mouse and Goofy lived here and decided to do it themselves on some project in every room of the house.