well sex is back on the menu !! yay except its not the kind of sex i wanna be having its very vanilla i should be grateful for what i do have right?

as of late i have discovered some new emotions relating to my non existant sex life within my marriage im coping quiet well i would describe it as in the beginning it was like a fish out of water wanting to breath but finding you cant its suffocating not being able to let go and then i felt dead now its as if ive found  new way of forcing my heart to beat again redirecting my energies i cant really remember why it was so important in the first place but im geussing i have changed better or worse is interpretation but im someone else now its not wat i wanted but its coping isnt it its the most selfless thing i can do is give what i can

feeling desolet again i geuss the holidays can do that to you when you face the question what can you do when theres nothing you can do ? ive axuasted all forms of communication to get my point across and ive arrived to is he either doesnt care and is unwillingly or just cant physically "do it" anymore i feel caged and not the good kind i want to let go i wanna lose control but i cant how do they say you can lead horse to water but cant make him drink or is it you can engage a sub into play and yes force is the way to lead me to my breaking point oh well happy holidays everyone

the scorpio photo is a tatoo i want for my birthday 11-13-1987 had no idea they were so expensive