I have always known that socially I do not do well, I can be very shy. Well at least I used to always think it was just a matter of being shy lately I have began to wonder and think it may be more than that. When it comes to talking to or socializing with people I find that I do well and somewhat thrive online, in texting, or on paper but ask me to do it in person and it is like something inside me shuts down. I can see myself doing it and no matter what I just literally CANNOT stop myself from pulling back. I do not trust easily, in fact even when I feel like I can trust someone and know I should I still cant seem to not have at least some little bit of distrust. As time goes on it seems to just get worse, now I know that very well probably is due to the fact that I have managed to completely pull back from the world. I do not go out, I don't try to meet people for fear of them not understanding how I am and instantly disliking me. I recently finally met someone after chatting with them online for a little over a year, I was excited and wanted to have a good time. I did have a good time but my issue reared its ugly head like nobody's business and as I sat there screaming to myself in my head to knock this nonsense off I was completely unable to do it. Now I know I have left a really bad impression with them. I try so hard to explain my issues but no matter how I put it to people it seems as though what I say makes no sense to them even though in my head I have put it very simply and it should be so easy to understand. I wish there was some way to make sense of it or someone that could understand this about me because I feel really alone in it. I also wish I knew why I was like this because at times it really makes me hate myself.
There was a day years ago that while I was somewhat shy I could handle being around people I didn't know and could socialize with them. I used to go to the local dance club every night on the weekend and had a blast with my friends and getting to know others. At the same time I was shy in getting to know new people, I'd cling closely to a friend until I felt comfortable. I was the person in the corner hoping I wouldn't be noticed by anybody I wasn't comfortable with. While that was bad enough I know I am way worse now, and wish I could have that back because at least I was able to somewhat easily have a life.
I guess I am putting this out there for piece of mind for not only myself but to maybe help anyone who wants to meet me. I just want people to understand. Even some advice would be nice.

I wrote this story for a previous Master a few years ago but thought I would share it with everyone. So here ya go:

You come up from behind, grabbing me putting your hand over my mouth. as yourbiting and kissing your neck, you tell me to keep my mouth shut so no one hears. your other hand is reaching up my skirt, rubbing my pussy. your hand slides down from my mouth undoing my shirt. your hand slips inside my shirt, you grab my tit hard, pinching your hard nipples. your hand is rubbing my ass now, you slide one finger in your pussy... its so wet so in goes another. youre fucking me with your fingers now, faster and harder. I let out a moan.... yes... gasping for air. You grab me by my hair, and pull hard as you slip another finger in, fucking you so hard I cant stop moaning and begging you for more. You turn me around, and push me down on my knees. your cock is so big and hard. you pull my head down by my hair, and shove your huge cock in my mouth.... slowly at first. Then your shoving it so far down my throat I am trying not to choke on it, but its so big I have a hard time. I love taking your dick in as far as I can handle it, I move my mouth up and down your throbbing cock. Licking it up and down, sucking it, moaning the whole time. You pull me up, and then bend me over the table. You are rubbing my clit, making me want you, making me beg for it. Just put it in me, please, I need your cock in my pussy now!  You grab my hair and slam my hard cock deep inside you. Then again, so deep so hard. Your moving in and out fucking me so hard. Im so wet, i love your hard cock in me. Deep inside. I cant control yourself anymore. It feel so good, so big. I start to moaning louder. Faster, harder... fuck me...I start to screaming, as I am cumming all over your huge cock. Then you pull out of me grab me by my hair and force me to lick you clean and get you hard all over again as you tease my pussy and clit getting me all worked up again. You get me going so much that I am riding your fingers so you slip your other hand to my ass and rub it as you slowly put your fingers in just the right spot so that as I am moving I am slipping them into my ass so you can strecth me out. You then slip your fingers out of my ass as I am beggin you not to stop. You reach over and grab one of our toys and press it against my ass, as you stop playing with me and tell me to play with myself so you can watch me strecth myself out. You sit back and watch as you play with yourself keeping it nice and hard every once in awhile teasing my nipples with your mouth and fingers making me moan loudly every time you do. You then lay down beside me making sure I am still playing with myself and the toy is staying in my ass and force your dick into my mouth. Holding my head there so I cant go anywhere as you begin to fuck my mouth, ignoring my pleading for you to fuck my pussy not my mouth. Finally when your as hard and as big as you can get you stop fucking my mouth, roll me over onto my stomach and pin me to the bed. You then pull the toy out of my ass and slide it back in a few times making sure I am good and ready for your huge cock, finally you slam your dick into my waiting ass in no way taking it easy or nicely. You pull me up by my hair with one hand while the other plays with my nipples, as you get close to cumming you move your hand to my throat and choke me while I am beggin for you to stop. Finally you cum deep in my ass........