30 years too late (or woulda, coulda, shoulda -- then comes eternity)
Originally I posted this on my MySpace blog - but the woman is quite the active submissive - and so it is not out of place here. Now - if only we had known this aspect of each other years ago -- that would have also impacted things back then. A great girl -- who will make someone a fantastic slave girl.
Wow is the one best word to describe Friday night! But that could also descibe what some of the reconnections with past folks on here have been.
I've always said - "I would never change anything in my life - because choices made were what have brought me to being me today." Of course - like so many others that I know - there has been the wistful - "if I could be in high school again but knowing what I know now .... but then I have always said - I probably wouldn't change a thing." Well that has changed - but with that change also comes a question that concerns "eternity" and decisions made now that will impact it.
Friday night, a Gahr classmate invited me to meet her and her cousin up in Tucson. She was visiting from CA and the last time I saw her was roughly 30 years ago. It was a good meeting, a good time of getting a little reacquainted and a time to reminisce a little. I spent part of the day cleaning my car (it really needed it) and then drove the hour plus up there. Prior to that, I had called and talked with Lori (my wife) who, of course is still living in NV. She said "Go, have a good time." (As Jeff, a friend remarked tonight - Jon, you're so lucky to have a wife like her -- so many other women would be so jealous and not trusting. Heck many would likely throw a fit to be so far away and have their husband going to meet another woman!" - of course, I agree - the Lord has blessed me with a remarkable lady for a wife.)
During the evening - I remarked that it was too bad it had taken 30 years to spend the time we were spending. I recalled that in high school, she had been one of the girls that I had wanted to ask out - but had not. She was a little surprised and asked (to the effect) "Why didn't you ever ask? I thought you didn't realize I existed or maybe you were not interested in me." I responded to the effect "I did not want to be rejected and ruin the friendship we had." She thought on that and said to the effect "well, I kept hoping you would have asked me out." But she also remembered that I was one of the nerds that got laughed at a lot and understood now why I had not asked then.
She is joined by another of the friends I had in high school, who in a private email shared something similar.
30 years too late!!! 30 years of having a dream that has repeated in one form or another of me somehow being on a date with them - but knowing that it would never be - believing that it could have never been. How would life have been different had I had the nerve to be turned down? How would a different choice then have impacted others today? That is the material daydreams are made of. 30 years too late -- and many other experiences and I am who I am - and actually quite happy with myself and my choice of a life companion - my wife -- but even that is after a number of other choices (2 divorces). 30 years too late, I learn that at least two girls had entertained thoughts that I can wish had been acted on differently.
But then comes the eternal question --- When we each stand before the judgment seat of Christ and He searches in the Book of Life - will He find that each of us made the choice to "Ask Him out" - to ask Him to share in our lives - or will we be left with the "if only I had taken the chance to invite Him in"? And if we have invited Him in - but then allowed the relationship to go stale by not taking some time to nurture it now - will we be left saying "if only I'd have ..."?
I can NOT go back in time - none of us can. I cannot right the wrong done to the beautiful girl - and now a beautiful woman who allowed me to spend time with her Friday night - nor to the other friend on this list - nor to any other girl that I may have left - back then with the question - "why doesn't he ask?" None of us can undo the past - we only have control of the future. I can take the time now to work on the question of eternity - we all can. I can build - or rather rebuild relationships with people today from my past - and I can look towards the future. I can dwell on the regrets I felt today of the errors made 30 years ago - or I can live for today and tomorrow. I choose the future!
Theresa - thank you for a wonderful evening. Lori - thank you for being a great wife and choosing not to be the jealous type. It was great to live for a moment what could have and should have been long past -- and it is good to know that we can have a future.
It is even better to know that eternity awaits each and every one of us -- and that scripture says eternity is ours based not on what we do - but on what He did for us - and on His grace - a gift based solely on unearned - unmerited favor. It is there for the asking - - if we will only do so.
Jon
