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| Not really looking for anything other than friends right now, thanks.
~A few days later~
And I'm just not sure what to put here about myself. It always comes out as a nice long rant or something weird. I'm young, still finding myself. I love charged debates, I don't eat meat, I have no interest in having kids anytime soon (or ever?), I'm working on my BA full time (started late) and plan to go on to receive some degree or another... become a lawyer, or a teacher, or a whatever I need to be to travel and have fun. I dream of becoming a polyglot and, foremost, a published author.
My name is due to my life long obsession with Japan. It was a beautiful escape from my own reality (dreaming of living in Japan, that is) and now that I've grown a bit older, formed some strong opinions and decided I want to travel more than I want to stay, I no longer dream of living forever in Japan. No I am not in Japan. Next year I'm going abroad for school (and fun), but I'm looking every where from India, to Brazil, to Japan, to France.
*I'm going to Japan Fall of 2016 to finish my degree.
I'm known for being impulsive and indecisive. I'm typically the one in charge, so in my mind it would take a very respected and intelligent Dom to wrangle my reigns, but I've yet to really find such - perhaps because these searches always just annoy me? I've been through a lot lately and just want to focus on my studies, hence why I'm not really looking for anything.... But I like to keep the lines of communication open, because you never know what may step through those doors.
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I think my biggest struggle and hesitation when attempting to meet a prospective Dom, aside from my own insecurities and stubbornness, is Christianity. Or rather, my love for God.
I bet 4/5 people read that and totally just exited my profile - fine! That's good.
I am Christian, I was not raised Christian. I found Christ by myself and thru random friends here and there, and my first experience with a Dom... left me feeling so lost, because he would say things like, "You're so stupid for believing in a book. None of it even makes sense. No one follows that rule, so why should you follow these other rules? You're an idiot and a conformist." That being said, I was 16 and he was 19 - neither of us we're all that smart, but 16 year old me found him to be extremely brilliant (at least at first). So when the person I looked up to most (at the time) was calling me an idiot for my beliefs.... I had a tendency to listen to him and it just led me down a trail of confusion. Actually, that entire relationship was confusing.
I'll admit I'm still confused by a lot of it. I want a Dom, but I also want a Dom that respects my beliefs. It's very contradictory.
And it's difficult! The majority of Doms I found - and actually liked as they seemed to be very smart and assertive and respectable - tend to feel the same way about Christianity (that we, the believers, are stupid and conformists).
I just don't find myself stupid and I don't like to be treated like I am.
*sigh* I guess I'm a hypocrite and think too highly of myself. And maybe I need to be kicked down a notch, but I don't want to remove Christ from my life. I already don't attend church or read the bible as much as I should, and to try and belittle my love for such is... damaging.
I wonder if I'll ever figure this out, find a happy medium, and a kind, intelligent Dom that feels similarly. Or maybe I'll just be made fun of a lot and get a bunch of nasty messages. That's usually what happens when one put's herself out there - ha! |
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Only one year until I go to Spain, Panama or Argentina to finish my BA. And then I'm off to law school. Where? I haven't decided.
I totally got distracted and now I have nothing to write in this journal entry. Whatever, at least now I have a journal entry... I guess... |
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