Blarg

In the immortal words of Ute the maid from She-Devil "Up with this bullshit I will not put! I quit!"

I need a pedicure, stat!!

“Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80%of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”

--Andy Rooney

I came up with a new label today....DILF...Dummy I'd Like to Fuck.

For fucks sake.....that is all.

Most of the time I enjoy being single. Sometimes though, it sucks. Like when it's raining and it's cuddle weather or there is a spider that needs to be killed. Can we all observe a moment of silence to be grateful that spiders can't fly?

Happy to reinstate my spam/bulk mail filters.

I am not really interested in being in a relationship with anyone who is biologically old enough to be my father. I appreciate that you feel I am being unfair and closed minded....but I will live with your disappointment.

In addition I am also not looking for someone to babysit either.

Shakespeare sure makes me happy:

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power
Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle, hour;
Who hast by waning grown, and therein show'st
Thy lovers withering as thy sweet self grow'st;
If Nature, sovereign mistress over wrack,
As thou goest onwards, still will pluck thee back,
She keeps thee to this purpose, that her skill
May time disgrace and wretched minutes kill.
Yet fear her, O thou minion of her pleasure!
She may detain, but not still keep, her treasure:
  Her audit, though delay'd, answer'd must be,
  And her quietus is to render thee.

To everyone who wanted to know. Today was my first day and it was great! It was everything I expected and more! Thanks for all the well wishes.

I apologize that my very existence has caused you great butt hurt and that my mere presence  brings about the urgent need to send me an insulting message. Don't worry though....I will not bother you with a response. You're welcome.

I will start my last four days in hell on Monday. I look forward to taking a long four day weekend before I start my new job. 

Thanks for all the well wishes my friends :-)

I got a new job, I got a new job,  I got a new job!!! Yipee!!! Can you tell I am excited?

I am coming up on the end of my cell contract and have decided I need to get a new phone......hmmmmmmm Iphone....new Blackberry.....decisions, decisions

Happy New Year Folks

i would like to thank my friends for the lovely greetings for the new year. i hope you prosper and enjoy your evening. i am off!

I hope all are having a most pleasant holiday season. The hopes of a new year and all that rot :-)

You should have the crap beaten out of you for your taste in professionals sports teams alone!

Here's you: Blah  blah blah blah blah. bah blah blah. blah blah blah blah. blah.

Here's me: I am not interested, thank you.

Here's you: But, blah  blah blah blah blah. bah blah blah. blah blah blah blah. blah.

Here's me: I said no thank you.

Here's you: But, blah  blah blah blah blah. bah blah blah. blah blah blah blah. blah.

Here's me: (I say nothing because I am now ignoring you)

Here's you: Fuck you, blah  blah blah blah blah. bah blah blah. blah blah blah blah. blah.

Turned out to be a great birthday......thank you for your birthday wishes all.

Happy fucking birthday to me.

As I add another year to my age i can't help but think how long I have been looking for that just right relationship. Yeah that kind of makes me sad.

Thank you my friend for the LOL:

Dear Mistress,

Do me, do me, do this to me, do that to me, do this other thing to me, wear these clothes while you are doing it, force me to do these other things, and by the way I expect some kinky sex acts.

Here is a picture of my big hard cock for Your pleasure. I've only sent it to 6,342 women on this site so far, so it should make you feel really special that I'm sending it to you too. I won't pay you money because pros are so selfish and demanding. You have to do all this stuff to me just because You like it, and if You don't, then obviously you are not a Real Domme.

I didn't actually read your profile and I could care less about what you are looking for or who you are as a person. I just want you to wear sexy clothes and do me. I'm married and sneaking around so discretion is a must. I expect you to stay in your dungeon and never talk to me if you happen to see me on the street with my real friends and family. I can't give You my phone number or my real name either. But I'm really, really submissive. In fact, I am your total sex slave.

To prove it, here is another picture of my big hard cock in bondage. If you're a Real Domme, you will write back immediately. If you don't write back, you're just a fake, so fuck you, bitch.

Submissively,

Your Slave

Less than 2% of the world's populations has green eyes. Nifty!

I have to say that the quality of messages that I receive from people here is declining.

I believe that it is only correct and polite to respond when someone sends me a message. I am at the point, however, that this practice will cease.

Verbally abusing me when I politely refuse is just not appreciated in the least. Telling me that I "will be sorry" just confirms my initial instinct.

If you are young enough to be my biological child or old enough to be my biological father your message is going into the bulk mail folder.

I am still not interested in women or correcting the error of my ways by submitting to a dominant.

Due to a recent interaction I thought this was worth a re-post:

Here's some advice from someone who's been around the block a few times

(translation: my mommy still won't let me cross the street). :)
You first of all have to figure out what it is you have to offer. What separates you from the crowd? This stumps a lot of submissives, but I'll let you in on a few secrets that don't work, then we'll go into some things that might work. Keep in mind that what I state here may be helpful to some, but you should never by lying about your abilities in hopes of achieving something because you'll ALWAYS be found out, and you'll never get a second chance.
What doesn't work:

1. Anatomy. Pictures of, descriptions of, fingerpaints about, Van Gogh-styled carvings of exact representations of genitalia should be the first thing you NEVER consider one of your strong points. If you're writing to a dominant woman, she already has enough of these types of inquiries from guys that she's going to go through the roof with anger if you send her another.

2. Don't tell her your a Dom who has suddenly decided to offer her the unique opportunity of dominating someone who is not a submissive. Unless she knows you are already and has harbored a secret desire to dominate you, because she knows you're a dominant she wants to break down, it's never going to work.

3. Lying. One lie and you're pretty much gone. You'll rarely get a second chance.

4. Passive-aggressive behavior. No one likes this. I've been there myself in the past. Took years to get rid of it.

5. Taking yourself way too seriously. In MOST cases (not all), you really need a sense of humor about things. I was once cleaning a bathroom for a dominant woman I was really trying to win favor with, and I didn't know the first thing about the word "dilution", so I poured half the bottle on the floor and created the stickiest situation a submissive can ever be in. She was in the middle of doing a very long session and had left me alone. So, for four hours, I kept trying to figure out how to fix this mess I made. When she came out, and I completely expected her to yell at me and throw me out, she asked what happened, I told her, and she started laughing (in a good way). Surprisingly, I did, too, because for four hours I was convinced this was going to be the worst encounter ever, because I really liked her. Everything turned out okay. Sure, I had to still make it right, but at least she told me how to do it (fortunately, I'm a bit smarter about such things today than I was back then).

6. Playing games to get what you really want. Way too many do this. Don't. Be honest. Tell her what you're seeking. If it's what she thinks is something that  
might interest her, it will work out. Sometimes, she'll not be all that interested but now that she knows, she might one day use it as some kind of leverage with you or way of rewarding you, or something to keep from you forever because she's mean and vicious and...and...oh sorry, was getting kind of excited there.

What you should do (what you really asked):

1. Assess yourself. What do you know how to do? Are you great with computers? Can you put them together blindfolded (don't tell her that because she just might have you do it that way)? :) Are you great at massage? Have you been trained to do something she might find useful, like research or legal issues? Can you cook? Do you detail cars? Do you fix cars? Everyone has things he or she excels at. Find those, and you have something she wants. Cunnilingus is NOT the kind of skill you want to advertise. Nor is full body worship or sex.

2. Use common sense. If you were her, what would you want? Read what she writes. Does she complain because she can't find a good cup of coffee? Find her a good cup of coffee. Or be able to make one.

3. Remember that she's a real person. Too many submissives fail here. Miserably. They treat her as a goddess or some untouchable persona, and while she may warrant such admiration and respect, keep in mind that she's also a real person. Should you ever interest such a woman, remember that she's probably a lot more comfortable in her fuzzy slippers than she is in high heeled boots and full dominant regalia. Some guys can't get beyond that, or they pretend to but really are just fetishist in nature.

4. Figure out what you actually want from her and see if that somehow coincides with her desires. I'll be honest with you. I rarely pursue anyone, mainly because I spend a great deal of time finding everything out about her I can, and then I try to see how I would best fit into her life. If I don't see a fit, I  generally don't make contact. I realize that I don't want to be there if I'm not going to be useful, wanted and needed.

5. Learn as much about her as possible. That at least shows you that you're really interested in her and not in just some generic dominant woman. This can backfire on you, however, as I discovered when I really went out and discovered everything I could about a woman I was interested in some years ago. I found out what she was studying and read all of her interviews about what she was seeking. I did this to determine whether or not I was right for her, and I came away from that research convinced that I was. During our first encounter, I sort of freaked her out, probably leaving her thinking I was some kind of stalker. So be careful about how you do it. Know her well enough to find out if you are compatible, but don't go overboard enough to scare the crap out of her. It didn't get that bad in the example I used; but I certainly realized it could have.

littlesarbonn- CollarMe messageboards

New favorite nickname....Control Monkey.

Always a pleasure to have an enjoyable weekend to look back on.

Watching the commercials for the various locales to vacation makes me long to travel.

If you want to send me things.....have at it.....good luck finding me.

If you aren't prepared for me to be your everything.....then I have no desire to be anything to you.

My dentist is obviously a sadist...and please don't call me an anti-dentite.

Never thought I would have to say this....I am not interested in female Dominants either. While I appreciate all interest....submitting to anyone is just not something I desire.

So I took a personality test....and these were the results:

Self-Confidence As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it's likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions-you rarely regret things you've done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it's very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.

Family Orientation As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don't have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.

Self-Control The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you're given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it's possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to "stay within the lines." Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.

Openness As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it's likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.
Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your "creative juices" flowing.
Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.

Easygoingness Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to "take things as they come" and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.

How does your personality affect your love life? With the strong degree of self-confidence that you possess, it's no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it's self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn't have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it's likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life.
Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it's likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you'll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.

Best thing heard today.....there is no "I" in slave.

A few things to clear up:

I am not interested in women for anything other than mentoring and friendship.

I am not looking for a dominant man who wants to degrade and humiliate me.

I am looking for a long term female led relationship.

I am looking for a restaurant that has really good biscuits and gravy.

I am not looking for a man who wants to be a woman.

I am looking for my keys.

I am not interested in married men.

I am not interested in being a babysitter...if you can't legally enter a bar then you are too young for me. And don't even try with the whole age shouldn't matter BS.....age matters!

Being your slave, what should I do but tend upon the hours and times of your desire?

I have no precious time at all to spend, nor services to do, till you require.

Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you, nor think the bitterness of absence sour.

When you have bid your servant once adieu; nor dare I question with my jealous thought.

Where you may be, or your affairs suppose, but, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought save, where you are how happy you make those.

So true a fool is love that in your will, though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.

-William Shakespeare

Ok so I just had to share this one received in a message:

"You are a big hunk a woman. I love me a big hunk a woman!!!"

Entertaining

Dear dear submissive,

Frittata is an egg-based dish similar to an omellette  or quiche, either simple or enriched with additional ingredients such as meats, cheeses, vegetables or pasta.

Frottage is the act of obtaining sexual stimulation by rubbing against a person or object.

 That will conclude our grammar lesson for today.

Dear Bullying Bastard,

You may be a dominant man....but that doesn't mean you can dominate me. I do not need to be "fixed" or to "know my place". Incidentally.....you are the last human being on Earth that I would go to for any education in "the proper attitude of women"

By the way.....you're an idiot.

Dear Asshole,

I appreciate your right to be a douche nozzle.....really I do. But when I say I'm not interested I mean I am not interested. Furthermore telling me that I am a woman and therefore a bitch that deserves to be beaten until bloody just shows that you are not in fact a Dominant man I can respect, but a total and complete fuck who deserves to get his dick tied in a knot.

Have a good day :-)

Merry Christmas to all. I hope everyone has a happy and healthy holiday season. May everyone experience bliss and joy in the new year.

Just a note.....instant messenger, texts and email are not the clearest ways to communicate. There is much room for misunderstandings. So before you get your panties in a wad.....just remember the person on the other end is probably as confused and frustrated as you are.

And the holidays are upon us again. I can't wait for the first snow fall. The silence and beauty it brings.

Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you. -Audrey Hepburn

(RAH)²(AH)³+RO(MA + MAMA)+(GA)²+OOH(LA)²= Bad Romance

Those lips that Love's own hand did make
Breathed forth the sound that said 'I hate'
To me that languish'd for her sake;
But when she saw my woeful state
Straight in her heart did mercy come,
Chiding that tongue that ever sweet
Was used in giving gentle doom,
And taught it thus anew to greet:
'I hate' she alter'd with an end,
That follow'd it as gentle day
Doth follow night, who like a fiend
From heaven to hell is flown away;
'I hate' from hate away she threw,
And saved my life, saying 'not you.'

Not into online domination !