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Update2 ( Jan 14 2009)
I have decided that friendship is the only thing I am looking for right now. I knew this already, but some frustrating and confusing things have made me realize this all the more. Also... I will have to say that I am going to quote one of my favorite shirts " If u tlk 2 me lik dis...I will shoot you". Now, of course I won't actually shoot you, but you can bet you will probably be ignored. Sorry...it's the grammar whore in me.
Update: Ok so, after researching a bit and talking to a few people I think I should change what I have said about myself here. I have semi sadistic tendencies(only tiny things) but am not truly a sadist. Also, I think I should say this right up front even though it is kind of personal. I have only had two major relationships so far(one lasting 4 years and another lasting 3) and probably about 4-5 relationships that never went anywhere. Before you ask me to do anything, take into consideration that even with those, I have still only ever "been with" with one man. I'm not the girl who will sleep with you on the first date. I've fallen into some traps lately but I've recovered so please don't ask me to be that person. You will prbably be blocked.
My preferences can only be described as "confusing". Submissive and yet also sadistic, it can be quite difficult to find a happy medium. I would also like to say that despite the fact that I am submissive, I am also quite picky. I need someone near my age (no older than 28). Also, I will not cyber or anything of the sort. It's a respect thing and until I find the one I am looking for it will remain that way.
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Finals coming up...work sucking up loads of time...I miss you guys really! :( Break is soon so hopefully I can come around more often...
And just for fun:
"If I were to 'Get Smart' with you...how would you know?"
Saw this on a shirt and it made me laugh. Hope everyone is having an excellent day/night! |
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Been a long time since I have been on...
whole lot of crap going on in my life so please dont take my absence personally I <3 you guys! |
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I'm afraid of you. Of what you may become, are becoming...
Afraid of this, myself, my responses and what I leave unsaid. |
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Seriously Fucking Pissed. Not talking to anyone for a bit. |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWWwAx743l0
haha...hahahahaha
OK so my class in history watched this my senior year of HS after finishing our section on Rasputin. If you know anything about him you will probably get a kick out of this...
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Bad night last night. Still nothing today. Tad bit confused and more than a little bit sad.
That's all. |
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Red Ribbons
You are my secret.
You will lead to my fall.
But I want you to know,
Before truth's past recall.
Self-cursed to watch you,
By a choice made in sin.
Didn't know the cost I'd paid,
Till I saw you again.
A thief in the spotlight,
Stealing motes of your life.
Lying that you gave me them.
A double-edged knife.
Hear you sing through the curtain. (You're mine, in some small fashion.)
See you smile through the glass. (You're mine, though you know it not.)
Wipe your tears in my thoughts. (You're mine, bond born of passion.)
No amends for the past. (You're mine, yet wholly you.)
Didn't know it would consume me. (By your will.)
No one said the hurt would last. (By your will.)
No one told me. (By your will.)
No one told me.
When desire's sold for freedom,
And need's exchanged for fame,
Those bargains made in ignorance,
Turn to blood-stained dreams of shame.
Red ribbons bind us,
Though no blood has been spilt.
No one told me they were wove of thorns.
No one told me of the guilt.
No one told me bonds of blood,
Were too poisonous to wilt
Realized I was empty,
When a memory kept my place.
Left looking in the window.
Red ribbons hide my face.
Hear you sing through the curtain. (You're mine, in some small fashion.)
See you smile through the glass. (You're mine, though you know it not.)
Wipe your tears in my thoughts. (You're mine, bond born of passion.)
No amends for the past. (You're mine, yet wholly you.)
By way of my will. (By way of your will.)
By way of my will. (By way of your will.)
By way of my will. (By way of your will.)
Copyright © 2004 by Kim Harrison
Just a few more days... |
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Heh...so good news is that the block is for the moment gone. Guess what the bad news is?
Well, on a brighter note I got a new mp3 which is amazing (I <3 Zen) and I think I'm going to start painting again. I need the vent so hopefully I will have some new stuff to post up here soon. |
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So, writers block sucks. I need more inspiration but haven't found any in a long time. Gah...anyone have any really painful emotional stories they wouldn't mind sharing? |
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I am so lame :/
Listening to Have You Ever...ugh shoot me!
Bored, waiting for class to start. La La La... |
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Haha...omg hahahahaha! Wow It's been awhile since something made me laugh like this. SPaG fans will get a kick out of this :)
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tt-WIdmCVQ>. |
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"It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way." -Jewel
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Check this out!
http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702 |
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So, I get to have a hole cut into my chest this week. Fun :/
Hopefully no more after this one. |
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I have proven myself a fool. Wow it sucks to be back in this place, I don't know how I let myself get here. If you find your messages read but unanswered please, don't take it personally. This may take a few days... |
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Some quotes...
-:François de La Rochefoucauld:-
The heart is forever making the head its fool
-:Anais Nin:-
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:-
Thou art to me a delicious torment
-:Pauline Reage, from The Story of O:-
To say that from the moment her lover had left, O began to await his return would be an understatement. She turned into pure vigil, darkness in waiting expectation of light."
Hehe this one makes me laugh; it's silly to think that Latin rules should be applied always to the English language. Yes, this is coming from a grammar whore :/
This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put. ~Attributed to Winston Churchill, rejecting the rule against ending a sentence with a preposition, c.1948, may instead have been said by an anonymous official, see notes at www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/churchill.html
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Very long, very frustrating day. I feel pretty stupid right now. |
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The Fall
She was
A bright smile and a warm embrace,
The smell of French vanilla coffee and coconut strands.
She was
A burst of laughter
Fingers tickling 6-year-olds ribs
And raspberries on the belly.
She was
Bubbling giggles from being picked up and swung around till you’re dizzy,
The mouth that would never let a secret pass through her Lips,
The sound of loud singing to Alanis Morisette.
She was
My favorite aunt
She is
The wrinkled nose from cigarettes and an unwashed body,
The sandpaper scratch of scabs on the arms.
She is
Stringy, uncombed hair,
Red-rimmed eyes that wont quite meet mine,
Rotting teeth.
She is
The absence at the holiday gatherings,
The empty seat,
An unsung lullaby.
She is
The woman they once called mother.
She is
A lost child.
She is
An addict. |
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Alright everyone, I need some help :)
I don't know why but I am in a very music oriented mood right now and am trying to put together a playlist with a certain feel.
So far I have Bad Things by Jace Everette as well as the I want to fuck you like an animal song from NIN. There is also a song called Breath Control on there...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-UORRmi1ZI
If you could give me suggestions for songs that have the same feel/ sound to them I would be grateful! Thank you in advance!
Oh by the way for some reason I have been on a Jewel kick today and wanted to share the lyrics to the one I have listened to over and over throughout the day...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAScLqx9fhE
Please don't say I love you,
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
And please don't come so close
it just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't bring me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say
Don't try to understand me
your hands already know too much anyway
It just makes me want to make you near me always
And when you look in my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please, 'cause
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
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I hope everyone had a good solstice...
This is a selection from a Robert Service Poem ( The Ballad of The Northern Lights) which somehow reminds me of midwinter.
Oh, it was wild and weird and wan, and ever in camp o' nights
We would watch and watch the silver dance of the mystic Northern Lights.
And soft they danced from the Polar sky and swept in primrose haze;
And swift they pranced with their silver feet, and pierced with a blinding blaze.
They danced a cotillion in the sky; they were rose and silver shod;
It was not good for the eyes of man--'twas a sight for the eyes of God.
It made us mad and strange and sad, and the gold whereof we dreamed
Was all forgot, and our only thought was of the lights that gleamed.
Oh, the tundra sponge it was golden brown, and some was a bright blood-red;
And the reindeer moss gleamed here and there like the tombstones of the dead.
And in and out and around about the little trail ran clear,
And we hated it with a deadly hate and we feared with a deadly fear.
And the skies of night were alive with light, with a throbbing, thrilling flame;
Amber and rose and violet, opal and gold it came.
It swept the sky like a giant scythe, it quivered back to a wedge;
Argently bright, it cleft the night with a wavy golden edge.
Pennants of silver waved and streamed, lazy banners unfurled;
Sudden splendors of sabres gleamed, lightning javelins were hurled.
There in our awe we crouched and saw with our wild, uplifted eyes
Charge and retire the hosts of fire in the battlefield of the skies.
But all things come to an end at last, and the muskeg melted away,
And frowning down to bar our path a muddle of mountains lay.
And a gorge sheered up in granite walls, and the moose trail crept betwixt;
'Twas as if the earth had gaped too far and her stony jaws were fixt.
Then the winter fell with a sudden swoop, and the heavy clouds sagged low,
And earth and sky were blotted out in a whirl of driving snow.
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The Acid Test...
Again, this website is definitely one of my current favorites.
I would highly recommend reading this through!
http://www.aslavesheart.com/subscorner/acidtest.html |
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So, my quite a few members of my family (on my dads side) are currently camping at my house instead of the cabin at which we were supposed to be camping. There are 27 people here and half of them are under 12 0.0... Woo... so forgive me for being a bit flustered or not returning calls/ texts.
On another note, I apologize to those that I regularly talk to via yahoo or aim because as of right now I cannot access my laptop because Cox sucks (no pun intended) and my wireless is caput for the weekend. Again... woo. So I'm stuck with a non wireless connection on a computer with no messengers in a house filled with hyper kids and grumpy adults. :( Wish me luck! |
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So, lately I have become a bit discouraged by certain aspects of this site. I don't think I'm alone in saying that there are many out there who seem to be here for something far different than a meaningful relationship. This isn't necessarily bad, but casual is just not what I am looking for. I am also not interested in rude, inconsiderate people who think that just because someone is submissive that automatically makes her an easy lay or promiscuous. So, as I was browsing the site I came across one profile that caught my eye. Admitedly, the picture was a big draw, but it was this section of the writing that really made my day and in all honesty turned me on. This was better than any come on,
"It just seems to me that so many come on here and think they can claim whomever they want, no questions asked. I believe that the submissive has the right to choose whom she submits to. Submission is a gift, not something that can be ripped away and thrown away.
I believe in a real BDSM relationship. Not something where you meet someone and in a matter of days are taken by each other. I'm sorry, but I believe that's an insult to the Lifestyle. Any BDSM relationship is built on trust and ideally, love. Not lust. "
::Sigh:: Too bad the author lives in another state!
Alright, that was my little rant of the day.
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Just a note... If you are nervous about meeting and think youre going to flake (or plan from the beginning to do so) just don't bother making the plans k? |
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I found this website, which I am absoultely in love with right now. This is a poem that was on the site. Unfortunately I do not know who originally wrote it, but if anyone does please do tell so I can give proper credit.
The dance of the submissive
A learning and growing submissive is rather
like one who is learning to dance.
she stands, her body tense, her mind focused on her
moves, on the steps she needs to take. She knows that
her arms, her legs, her body must all move in specific
ways for her movements to be seen as
the dance she desires to perform.
The music begins, and her arms move in a tense,
almost awkward way as her feet step as awkwardly to
the markers on the floor she knows she is to follow.
She watches the markers, while her mind races to
ensure her arms are completing their movements, and
suddenly she remembers too, her body must carry a
rhythm, so her hips and chest purposefully begin to
sway, almost in an exaggerated effort to get it right.
She hears her instructor, she hears the command,
'smile'... as she lifts her head... her eyes wide with
concentration as her lips rise in a forced, mechanical
grin as her mind attempts to focus on
all she is striving to do.
Her instructor will stop the music. He will stand
before her. He will take her hands, and raise them, He
will stand behind her, holding her, guiding her,
showing her how the dance is to be performed.
He will then stand back... He will turn the music
back on. He will watch her. He will correct her. At
times, this correction will come with a hand movement,
other times He will stop the music all together. He
will make her go back, and redo steps,
until she gets it right.
She will watch Him for guidance, for correction. Her
eyes never leaving Him. Her feet will stumble, her
arms will move awkwardly, and at times she will lose
her balance completely and fall. And her smile will
turn to tears of frustration.
Her instructor will patiently stand by her side,
waiting for her to rise again, and at times, He will
bend to pick her up, to help her to her feet, and He
will continue to do this, as long as
her desire remains to dance.
As the days turn to months, He will see her take
graceful steps. He will be astonished by the beauty in
which her body moves, He will feel frustration as she
loses focus, He will feel sympathy when overconfident,
her eyes leave the markers on the floor,
and she slips and falls.
But one day, she will arrive at the dance studio.
She has practiced these steps for months, and her
body, her limbs and her mind become one. He stands
back, his heart filled with pride as He watches this
beautiful creation glide across the floor, no longer
watching and following the markers, but moving with
and to the music He plays.
A proud submissive is not one who performs the dance
perfectly before the audience; for no one is perfect
at anything. She is one however whose performance
appears to the audience as flawless, and only her and
her Instructor are aware of the errors she has made.
But as time goes on, and the more she performs, her
errors become few. She will have good performances,
and other times she will have off nights; nights when
she herself is not pleased with the way she danced,
but again, her mistakes are not apparent to observers.
And, in her struggle, to be the best at what she
does, she will be more critical of herself
than anyone else, including her Instructor.
And... There will come the performance... The night,
when she will stand under the lights, the theatre
filled with admiring observers, will be hushed as she
stands... Ready. From the wings, her Partner, her
Instructor, her Confidant will walk out, and take her
hands. The music will begin, and together they will
dance beautifully, magically, and seemingly
flawlessly; each complimenting the other's moves. Each
feeling a sense of pride in each other, every step
taken, with each other and for each other. And they will
continue to dance, dance over the applause, dance
through the standing ovation, they will dance over and
over and over again, until the music ends. Until their
feet can no longer dance, until their bodies can no
longer feel the music, until there is no more music.
And that is a very, very long time from now. |
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It sucks that I have to do this, but I have decided to start using the bulk mail filters...
There are far too many people who seem to ignore the fact that I am not looking for an "online" relationship. Nor am I interested in a relationship with someone who is out of my age range (18-28). I would love to be friends in wither of these categories, so if friendship is all you are after and you do decide to message me, please put at the top "friendship" ok? Sorry :( |
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| Age: 22 |
| Longview,
Washington |
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