Girl is in the wind, and doesn't want to speak with me anymore. It seemed like at the end all I was capable of doing was making her angry.

That really isn't the emotion I was hoping to bring up with her. So maybe it is best that it ended.

And if I keep saying that, perhaps I'll come to believe that in time.

Sigh.

On a weird note, I reported a profile this morning. Sub girlie from Western Canada wants someone to remove her tits, labia, clit and hood and then after a year of torture she wants to be oven roasted and eaten 'Dolcett Style'.

It might make me a dick, but when I see something like that, I think the person is either a troll or deeply in need of medical help. Seeing as how the poster DEMANDED pics up front proving you could do this... I'm leaning towards troll.

Either way it needed to go. How does it look when someone stumbles into this site and finds that page?

So... I released her from her collar.

Which sucks.

We connected really well, but we never got to see each other.

I'll miss her, but life goes on.

Ok, so we've hit the tipping point.

subbie and I have not connected in forever, and some real life stuff came up that exacerbated the situation. End result, no quality time for either of us in nearly three months.

Then a prolonged period of silence. Ugh.

I've laid out options as to where we go next. I'm letting subbie make the call now because I'm not sure which road she wants now.

Been a while since I made an entry... hmmm...

Subbie and I just can't seem to get together. We're trying to stay in touch with small talk, but there's really only so much small talk you can have until you run out of things to say.

Plus, I haven't gotten my hands on her in almost six weeks now. That's a lot of pressure buildup.

I'm thinking that when we finally do get some time together she's going to feel pretty damn raw afterwards.

So my sub did something that did not thrill me today. Essentially she messaged me to tell me that she was cockteasing another faux Top that played mind games with her and never came through. The cockteasing is her wording, not mine.

I'm befuddled. I feel like I should be furious, but I'm not. She even messaged me to tell me that she had been bad, which scores points, but doesn't make what she did kosher with me.

Hrrrmmmf. I think I'm going to need to assign a punishment...

Good grief. It's no wonder every other sub profile I browse through on here thinks every top is a complete jackass.

http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/181612/details.htm#

Word of advice dude, take it down a notch. Or two. Maybe 20.

Had a crummy day. Had a crummy night actually, and it carried into my day.

You know you feel lousy when you just want to lay in bed and don't even want to look at pictures of naked people...

So often I'm on here creeping through all the profiles of the little slavegirls and marvelling at the unbelieveable personal, private and potentially embarrassing photos that I see.

I'm amazed that these girls have the courage to post these photos. I can't post photos on my profile (For obvious reasons...) and even if I could, I'm not sure I would. It's a huge risk of exposure to me, there are job complications, family complications... too much risk. So when I look at these photos of girls, women, slaves, etc displayed at their most intimate I just marvel at them.

And yet, I continually see the same refrain.

'Dear idiots...'

Someone, somewhere has taken the time to write this poor girl and has brutally offended her. Called her a slut, or a whore or presumed too much.

I get that actually. Profiles are confusing. Our sexual identities are confusing. I grew up Catholic, so it's doubly vexatious for me. I long to flog, abuse and torment my little fuckslut and then I feel guilty about it later. I'm working on that, developing my skill at becoming a brutal son of a bitch. Working at shutting down my empathy so that I can truly dominate and punish my whore.

And yeah, when I was looking for a play partner, I tried that approach a couple of times. 'Kneel whore! Prepare to suck your masters cock!'

Feel free to roll your eyes, I just did.

The problem is that we're all feeling each other out, at the same time we're still feeling ourselves out. There aren't clear rules for what we do and where we're going. It's tough.

We need a set of rules. An established code for greeting. We need formality and structure so that we can get past the confusing bullshit and help people find the kinky sonofabitch on the other side of the screen without losing them in a tsunami of bruised egos and feelings.

I'm not sure how to build this. I call it courting when I was looking, because that was what I did. I'd inquire carefully, then joke a little and then poke at the sensitive areas and see what the response was.

And then I'd go from there...

Is there anything more beautiful then a wet, terrified slut?

Ok, a wet terrified slut, secured to a table, staring at the ... toys. But hey, work with me.

I am amused tonight.

My slave is a good girl. She tries hard. She wants me to do dirty, evil things to her. She's a good person and an incredible slut.... a combination I thought was not possible to find.

However, one of the things she does that drives me crazy is the fact that she behaves. She follows the very simple rules that I give her. She doesn't try to top from the bottom. She is a good girl. An excellent slut. A beautiful little whore.

Except for tonight. She broke a rule.

Tsk, tsk. My girl fell prey to the green eyed monster.

What to do with her. Hmmmmm.

There are some people on this site that need an absolute ass kicking. I swear to god. And I do not mean that in a 'Oooh yeahhhh!' kind of way, I mean that in a broken nose kind of way.

Just popped onto the the site and found a profile from a new subbie that took the time to post *huge* diatrabe about how some of the people on this site were not up to her standards and shouldn't be posting pictures.

You know what wench? You actually were moderately attractive when I checked your profile, but I wouldn't fuck you with someone else's cock on a ten foot pole. You're clearly a huge, stuck up cunt playing at being a sub. I pity the poor son of a bitch that lands you.

Why in the world would you even post that? It's hard enough for people to connect at all with shrewish bitches like this judging them.

Please everyone, by all means. Post pictures. Feel free. Show yourself off in as flattering a way as possible. Please do *not* pass judgement on someone because they don't fit your fucking standards. This isn't high school. If they aren't your type, *move on to the next fucking profile* and keep your hateful fucking commentary to yourself.

(Unless of course that person is a humiliation whore. Then by all means bring it.)

The problem with a clandestine low profile relationship is the length of time between meetings.

Wish I had my pet here now. Ugh.

I think she's missing me too. We need to get these schedules co-ordinated!

Slave has been met, penetrated, used, appraised and accepted. Collar given.

She makes sounds like a puppy whining when she comes, so I've named her 'puppy'.

There are things we need to do still, determine her exact pain tolerance, properly christen all her holes, but we had a pretty good first meeting. I was especially impressed with some of her skills...

I'm happy now... she seems to be the one I've been looking for.

Worst day ever at work. Seriously. Left absolutely seething.

Two of my colleagues took me out for beer, and calmed me down. Thank the lord.

Actually told my little slave to stay away, not because she had done anything wrong, but because I was so pissed I wasn't thinking straight and that isn't where you should be with anyone in that particular situation.

Grrr. I'm hopeful that a couple of beers and some sleep will alleviate my mood.

Collaring date is set for my little fuckslut. 

7 days and I put her through her paces and make her mine.

I showed her the itinerary for the evening and I think she may have had a little panic attack. I chuckled a little, if we can make it through everything on the list she deserves my collar. (And possibly an oxygen tank.)

So looking forward to what comes next. I think she's terrified of what's to come and fascinated by it at the same time.

I need to find a way to prolong that feeling for her...

Looks like I'm finally home. Officially going to collar the little slut soon and see how much she can take.

You know how it is when you get a new slave. You immediately want to ride it long and hard and really put it through the paces.

Ooooh. Can't wait. (Rubbing hands gleefully.)

I am so fucking close to what I have been looking for I could scream.

I found someone. A true sub. Exactly what I wanted. I've negotiated and reasoned and we are almost to the finish line.

Based on my experience. I expect this to blow up any second now. Based on my hopes, I don't think it will.

I can see the goddamned finish line. We just need to cross it.

Wow.

A very surprising contact out of nowhere is blossoming into something very nice.
I'm giving it some time to grow and see what happens but I'm hopeful that this one is the one and deranged enough to give it a shot. I've promised her brutal subjugation and she seems to like that, so it looks promising.

Also starting to make some friends here too. Found some delightful people on the site that are just nice to chat with.

I'm glad I stuck around.

It's astonishing to me the level of just plain rudeness on the site. I've been yelled at just for looking at pictures on profiles that have zero levels of security on them.

Here's a hint folks, you've posted your pics on a public forum. If you don't want people looking at them, take'em down.

Also, I'm generally as polite as possible, so if I stop by your profile and send you a polite hello and you aren't interested in chatting or talking, that's cool. A simple, thanks but no thanks will suffice. I really don't need a three paragraph manifesto on why I suck. And if you send one to me, expect a flamethrower loaded with sarcasm in return.

That's it. I'm not asking for much people. A little civility. Really.

$#%#@#$

I now understand clearly why so many of the women on this site are deeply frustrated.

Got so close to what I was looking for tonight to find out in the end that.... grrrrr. So frustrating.

Ladies, I empathize with you. Good Lord it's frustrating sometimes.