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"To understand is to Die?" I heard this last night i am not sure how or why it was a statement made by myself or something else i don't know i am not scared but it is troubleing perhaps i am going insane i dought it tho. I typed it in google and found some results most likely is ego death but what the hell does that have to do with me. Life is good maybe. My mom is sobered up at least for the while my sister is seeming to get better however nathan stole the new car so that is no good. hmmmm.
I no longer feel lonely. I am wondering if i should start searching but for what i don't know.?
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well it seems that bad things ... are well bad i suppose. I had my leather coat stolen from roger's which really pisses me off because A) it was a 300 dollar jacket B) I had to walk home at 11:00 when it is freezing cold outside in a t-shirt. and C) i don't have any good looking coats that i like now i suppose i could just use a sports jacket. But meh my mom is drunk yet again and so is Derek both of which i wish would die in some stupid manner of which i cannot be held responisble for. She blames me for not going up and talking to her and understanding her. How can i understand her if she keeps have manic eposides and can't even keep a story straight not to mention that fact i am tried of trying to help her and i see now possible way to help her. Alas this has become a ranting Tangent best not writen online.
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cold so cold i hate snow. I shiver. mom = drunk again. and i am cold wtf.....! |
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.. work at 11 sleep = less then 4 hours hmmm maybe i should be sleeping right now. Yah your proable right hum ho good night. |
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I hate car's. Do you ever think about the massive amount of energy that is in a car. I am amazed that don't just explode period. Scary. But i drove today nothing great my parking is improving even tho i could barely see.
let's see i called the cops the other night on my mom's boyfriend to get him to leave. cops came they had to tazer the poor bastard and the stupid thing is he came back the next day and my mom let him in. Saterday i start at roger's after all this paper work ill be glad to making some money shifts are fairly short which is alarming.... maybe a test period to see if i can sell stuff ho hum. If sell in a equivilent amount to how many messages i get i am so screwed.
well. ummmmm. make your time now!!!?
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In the middle of a gunfight. In the center of a restautant. They say. Come with your arms raised high. Well they're never gonna get me like a bullet through a flock of doves. To wage this war against your faith in Me ... Life is but a trip from the dead.
Well life is looking better i just eat some food so i think that made me happyier my mom final sobered up. I think i have a job a roger now if i just can sell and not blow my job i can soon move out hurray FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!
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What a glorus day until that is i came home.
Had to jump the fence to my own house cuz my mother boyfriend who i am very very tempted to call the police and say he was sexual harshing (he wouldn't remember anyway) get him arrested and tossed into jail where he belongs. Meh life is shitty right now i need to move out but i will survive becuase i don't like the option of dieing. Meh there are new holes in the walls my room was trashed in the 24 period i wasn't home. So well that is life.
Now for something happier. How oft, when thou, my music, music play'st, Upon that blessed wood whose motion sounds With thy sweet fingers, when thou gently sway'st The wiry concord that mine ear confounds, Do I envy those jacks that nimble leap To kiss the tender inward of thy hand, Whilst my poor lips, which should that harvest reap, At the wood's boldness by thee blushing stand! To be so tickl'd, they would change their state And situation with those dancing chips, O'er whom thy fingers walk with gentle gait, Making dead wood more bless'd than living lips. Since saucy jacks so happy are in this, Give them thy fingers, me thy lips to kiss. Shakespeare.
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Well I am still alive somehow. Hurray.
My mom is yet again drunk however i leave her at home and go work with my dad today.
I was reading the Satanist Bible today. Reminds me alot of The Treatise of Lord Shang for those of you who don't know what that is it is a writing upon legalism.
Well angry parents are yelling gtg.
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If anyone can tell me the name and author of this poem ill be most impressed. Is it thy will thy image should keep open My heavy eyelids to the weary night? Dost thou desire my slumbers should be broken, While shadows like to thee do mock my sight? Is it thy spirit that thou send'st from thee So far from home into my deeds to pry, To find out shames and idle hours in me, The scope and tenor of thy jealousy? O, no! thy love, though much, is not so great: It is my love that keeps mine eye awake; Mine own true love that doth my rest defeat, To play the watchman ever for thy sake: For thee watch I whilst thou dost wake elsewhere, From me far off, with others all too near. |
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my mom is drinking again when will i be able to move out and get out of this place. |
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I met a really hot chick today AT subway of all places. She was a vegatirian and i was a meat eater. Meh Blond about my hieght older then me. blue dress it was hot o well. |
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wtfmom my really needs ot learn how to deal with stress. she got some card from the police tell her to call them about some hit and run on the 13th but if it was really serious the police would come to the house and what not. so then i go to sleep around. 1 pm get up around 11 and when she gets home she is drunk along with her stupid boyfriend who she shouldbt be dating in the first place wtf stupid poeple and she is an alaholic wiht depression alachol is a depreesent fuck .... i |
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.... Meh not sure of the day time or place...
Still feels like i am dreaming meh weird dreams .. woke up in a sweat very odd for me. meh..... Now that i have some time to clear my thoughts i thought i had better put down a breif thought list of what happened in the dreams. K i was killed many times. Drove off to some remote place... Confustion.... then a boat and the car unkown confuse.....
Or last i slept had dream about being wanted for psiyci ability... purple lights gargage doors being ripped curled back... and school?
. unkown cause of depression....
...............................................
Wilhelm stekel i really should find some more knowledge about that psycoanalyist meh......
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Today sick it sucked ass i was in so much pain i couldn't move just curl up into a ball and scream. Meh stupid stomach virus o well doctors says if i am lucky ill only happen once but i could last for three days or it could be appeniditcs. |
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