Its come to my attention by many of you that you are interested in reading my writings or  more importantly my debut novel that Ive been working on. So I think it's time for me to post a clip from the book... 

( This is unedited and is subjected to change without notice. It is copyrighted and if stolen legal ramifications will be pursued.. ) 

Journal Entry 147

It's been 5 months and 7 days since I met my vixen. 

Been a total of 3,840 hours, 230,400 minutes since she crashed into my world and I haven't told her...

I love her...

but I am to afraid to tell her. I've started waking up early in the mornings just to watch her sleep. She looks so at peace with her wild hair and morning breath. She's even caught me a couple of times staring at her, but I just played it off like I was only awake for 5 minutes when really it's been at least an hour. 

I'll play with her long black hair, while rubbing her back, neck, or breasts. Just depends on how she's facing me. 

I've also been writing two journal entries..

One for the journal I know she could most likely will read and one that I wish of giving her to read. I cant give it to her though for I fear she'll know that I love her.  

I can't let her know..

Once she finds out, things will start to change and I'm not even sure what I mean to her. I mean I'm still her client. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this whole facade since I'm no longer "playing"....

I love her..

I think about her all the time, even when she is in the next room over. I can't get her out of my mind. She's burned herself deep in my soul and I can't get her to leave.. 

She's the first thought in my mornings, and my last thought at night. She's in my dreams and I just can't escape her, but to be honest I don't want to. She already owns me heart, 

mind, and soul. She probably already knows that by just the way I look at her, but for right now I won't speak it. I can't yet, because once I do Ill be gone forever. She'll have me and she could use me for whatever she desires and I wouldn't object. I crave to have her needs pleased and every desire fulfilled. 

But right now I refuse to say it, "I love you"....

Benjee Blane

I am still on my leave of absence but I do want to ask a question.

Some of you know I am a writer. I am working on my debut novel right now with is Femdom.

I also have another story that's been screaming at me.. One that would be Femdom but it be more of a Dystopian Novel.. and When I seen this trailer from the American Horror Story:Coven...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMy5BNoUMhM

(The part when all the girls in heels start walking)

It just SCREAMED... Female Domination school.. minus the witchcraft...

What do you think of  the trailer?

"Cursed..." I've been spending many days looking at myself in the mirror.

Trying to inspect.. Analyze.. Trying to get a different perspective of why I am the way I am.

I first started with my looks..

I've been called beautiful.. But I know that is only skin deep..

I've been called "rare".. But I know that the rarest of jems in the world are put on display just to be looked at nothing more..

I've been called unique .. But I know that being one of a kind isn't always the best feat.

So what am I truly..

What have I been diagnosed with..

I've finally came to terms with what I am...

Only a few have understood.. But here I am.. Laying it out all on the floor.

I am undyingly 'cursed'..

You see to be all of the above, one has to have a downfall...

A flaw.. An imperfection.. A disease...

I have these hidden desires that I have to suppress..

I can't act on them like I was meant to..

If I do I'll be consumed by the disease..

It's been slowly spreading... Penetrated my mind...and now all my five senses is in overdrive..

It's working slowly.... Consuming everything in its wake..

And it's almost right down to the core of me.. My soul..

It's about to burst.. And once I get consumed by these desires.. Ill be forever cursed...

Ill be cursed to live this life knowing that I can only feed these burning desires...

It's a thirst so great .. That he'll become my water..

He'll be the only thing Ill be able to feast on...

Because once I get a taste..

Ill be hooked..

Cursed is what I'll forever be.... *in a writing mood...does anyone agree with me.. ? Are you experiencing these symptoms ?? *

And this is why I write when I get a response from a fellow viewer like this:

"Now that she is no longer in my life, it cannot live without the curse. So I search in vain, knowing I cannot ever settle for a life without it. Good luck in your search. I hope you find a man who is mature enough to embrace who he is.I can't believe you are only 20 and you are so in tune with your soul. I could have written that deion of the curse, and I assume so many others too. But it took me until well into my 30s to realize that I was cursed, and that my soul would always be lost in this world as long as I tried to suppress it. But, as you have figured out, you can suppress it, but you cannot get rid of it, because it is who you are down to your soul. And as long as you suppress it, you will be living, but you won't feel alive. I have given in to the curse once in my life, and as you state, I was consumed by it..."

Very much appreciated :)

I've said this once already but I guess I MUST prove myself still.

If you think I am fake. I am willing to verify ONLY if you cam too.

I am not going on cam without knowing who is on the other side.

Stop wasting my time.

Pest like him "youngsadist26" will get blocked:

[9:25:59 AM] Angel Lynn: hi
[9:26:17 AM] Mick: the girl is the pics is more than stunning
[9:26:21 AM] Mick: it cant be you
[9:26:48 AM] Mick: hello...
[9:27:03 AM] Angel Lynn: Yea thats what they all say. Explain to me why I can't be real
[9:27:21 AM] Angel Lynn: That someone like me is really wanting a lifestyle and is actually searching for it
[9:27:56 AM] Mick: are you a pro?
[9:27:59 AM] Mick: and lets see you
[9:27:59 AM] Angel Lynn: It completely dumbfounding that I have to prove myself. I know who I am what I want
[9:28:16 AM] Angel Lynn: and No I am not into findom or whatver that tribute shit is
[9:28:31 AM] Angel Lynn: I actually am at work but I can get on real quick.
[9:28:38 AM] Angel Lynn: If you get on to
[9:28:43 AM] Mick: cant be on
[9:28:53 AM] Mick: you are the one to be proved
[9:28:53 AM] Mick: LOL
[9:28:57 AM] Mick: this is a game
[9:29:07 AM] Angel Lynn: hhahha then you expect me to ya right.
[9:29:12 AM] Angel Lynn: I dont play games..
[9:29:21 AM] Mick: are you collare?
[9:29:24 AM] Mick: d
[9:29:36 AM] Angel Lynn: Either you want to see me you show your face too or you dont get to make up your mind
[9:29:42 AM] Angel Lynn: No I am not collared
[9:29:51 AM] Mick: ever been dominated?
[9:31:00 AM] Angel Lynn: I was actually in a D/s relationship for 4 years and i was the sub so yes you can say that but that is not who I am today.
[9:31:26 AM] Mick: today you are someone that cant be verified
[9:31:39 AM] Mick: I should spread your skype on collarme
[9:31:41 AM] Mick: bye mister
[9:31:50 AM] Angel Lynn: I can take a pic of whatever you want
[9:32:04 AM] Angel Lynn: Go ahead spread it. You'll regret it!
[9:32:10 AM] Angel Lynn: I dont take bullshit from pets
[9:32:24 AM] Angel Lynn: I dont have to prove anything to someone who doesnt want to show their face
[9:32:25 AM] Mick: I dont take bullshits from dudes
[9:32:41 AM] Angel Lynn: How do I not know your a girl
[9:32:42 AM] Angel Lynn: Hmm
[9:32:59 AM] Angel Lynn: or some fat pig wanting to wack off
[9:33:05 AM] Mick: your reverse psych will get you nowhere
[9:33:09 AM] Mick: bye mister
[9:33:13 AM] Angel Lynn: BYe your lost
[9:33:15 AM] Angel Lynn: not minwe
[9:33:18 AM] Mick: this is what I expected
[9:33:26 AM] Angel Lynn: Expect failure thats you get
[9:33:30 AM] Mick: words words and no cam
[9:33:35 AM] Angel Lynn: You want something you put effort into
[9:33:42 AM] Mick: I will post this chat
[9:33:44 AM] Mick: bye moron
[9:33:47 AM] Angel Lynn: I wont go on cam if you wont
[9:33:52 AM] Angel Lynn: Post it
[9:34:36 AM] Angel Lynn: The true pets of mine know I'm real how about this.. Ill go take a pic with your username in a sec and post it on my profile pic on cm
[9:34:40 AM] Angel Lynn: Hope you check it
[9:35:07 AM] Mick: you have been blocked there
[9:35:15 AM] Mick: save your photoshop time
[9:35:27 AM] Angel Lynn: Omg just shut up
[9:35:52 AM] Angel Lynn:  I dont have time to waste on you. I got pets that want to serve me actually and that means they get on cam too
[9:36:08 AM] Mick: then stop bothering mister
[9:36:14 AM] Mick: you are not very good at this
[9:36:17 AM] Mick: bye
[9:39:25 AM] Angel Lynn: Just took a pic on here go check it
Mick

*if your an ASSHOLE LIKE THIS.. Don't bother wasting my time!

- To "Him"

*Takes a deep breath*

My hands are trembling as I write this,

I am pouring my heart and soul into this,

digging through memories of these past 5 years.

I can even taste the salt in my tears,

that's how I am feeling.

I hope you understand this decision I have made,

inst one that I took lightly.

I am hurting too,

but mine's for what I am doing to you.

You know my mother told me when I was younger than I was gonna break many hearts.

You know what I said to her?

Does that mean I'll be "in love" that many times?

She just smiled and kissed me on the cheek...

Wierd eh?

Anyways back to point, I guess I should just pull the band-aid off and get it over with.

I'm leaving..

I'm letting go of you...

I have a different journey... Here's my fork in the road..

I can only travel this far with you...

I'm destined to go somewhere.. be someone that I dream to be..

And if I stay I'll grow to hate and resent you.

I deserve much better than that and you deserve someone better than me.

I can't handle you anymore.. I can't try to help someone if they don't want to take what I have to offer. Your slowly dragging me down and I can't take it no more.

*sigh*

I'll miss you.... *pause* *wipes tears away*

but I gotta let you go.

"Vixen"

*been in a writing mood...*

To my darling "pet",

Where to start?

I guess I should first start off with "thank-you".

Thank you, I am glad I can say I met someone as unique like you.

I'm not sure what we could have been, but I had fun while it lasted....

You let me out of my box...or coaxed me into spreading my wings..

I'm flying now... but it's lonely up here..

You said that you'll catch me when I fall...

But I think you've already flew away.. or your just waitingg for me to land.. I'm not sure..

I'm not sure what happened exactly...

Why it feels like I've gotten the cold shoulder.. or like I fell off the face of the earth...

You've written me off.

Cut me loose.. threw me in the sky and now your just sitting back watching me try to fly...

Am I soaring like you want me too.... because when I do crash down.. Where are you going to be?

If it was something I said.. or done...you would have told me right?

I wish you would just tell me why...

Even if it wasn't anything like that...

If it's just because life had gotten hectic.. I understood that..

I just wish you could have just told me...

I mean I thought we were "friends"...

I didn't expect things to turn out like they did...

It was natural... felt real.

But I guess whoever said," If it seems to good to be true, it probably is.."

I mean to be honest I expected a lot more out of you as friend before you was a "pet"

I trusted you... and now it feels like I don't mean a thing to you sweetheart.

Anyways I don't want to keep you.

Your probably wont even respond back to this...

I don't expect you too.

I'm just letting you go.

I hope things go alright in your life, that everything works out for the best.

You deserve it.. I really mean that.

I'll be thinking of you.. You helped me find myself..

I'll be forever grateful..

Yours Truly,

"Angel"

*Should I press send?*

Hi my little pets :]

I wanna first say that I am glad some of you take me seriously.

I am no fraud. I am a hundred percent real.

I am very dedicated to this lifestyle.

I also glad that you believe I am true Domme and are very interested me.

So to you little pets out there that realize someone can be completely serious about this lifestyle. You deserve a treat.

*Blows a kiss*

Now onto my main point..

To those that are not good little pets more like pests...(this includes Dom's)

If you are a Dom and wanting to chat with me by all means feel free to. I love talking about this lifestyle with someone who is on the same power side.

But if you are an arrogant ass (Hope you see I didn't say Dom) and feel the need to rate me.. Then you can go fuck off. There is a difference between being a Dom and being a complete asshole.

I am trying to find myself and hopefully find a pet that will match my needs. Stop wasting my time.

Now little pest.. If you are wanting to talk to me.. I prefer someone who is willing to have an intelligent conversation. If you are wanting to be my pet/sub/slave. Try to appeal to me. I like to look at it like it's a job offer and I am scouting for someone with the right background, experience( just because you don't have any doesn't knock you out..  makes it easier for you to be molded to my standards), if your wanting to serve me the you should be willing to put much effort into it. Why I appeal to you... Be creative..

Oh and one more thing.. If I get a message saying your Hot, you will not get a reply. Use your creative little brains and find a better descriptive word.

So on that note.

Have a kinky day lovelies.  :]

 "Angel"

So I've been doing some research about "Self-Exposure Therapy" for my debut novel I am writing.(Yes I am an aspiring author anyways). If your not familiar with the term it is a form of Therapy..used on patients with OCD, Anxiety, PTSD. Anyways, I know its not always the case but people who tend to experience something tragic either tend to never be around it or surround themselves it in a negative way. For example, when a person gets raped/sexual assaulted he/she may never want to have sexual contact or he/she could go to the extreme of using his/her body in a negative way. I have looked up and tried to see if any research is done on victims who have been raped/sexual assaulted and had Self-Exposure Therapy used for a form of treatment in-which the therapist incorporated or recommended BDSM as elemental factor.

What's your take on this?

Would this be a different form of therapist(ie, Psychiatrist,Psychologist,Counselors, not sure if it would work for a sex-therapist or would it be more of a psychoanalyst?

Would love some feed back..?

I would first like to say I am not fake.

If you so wish for the proof I am willing to send a pic with username and date..

I am here to meet new people interested into this lifestyle. I am not into stupid drama. I have my own life to live that doesn't involve annoying little pests..

So on that note.. Have a kinky day :]

Yours Truly

"Angel"