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| I must be completely honest and upfront…
I am recently “divorced” (not married but in a lifestyle LTR) and in no place/space to get into a relationship. I am not looking for play-dates, casual sex, or someone to fill the void.
However, I would be more than happy to chat, meet, hang out, whatever, but in a platonic friendship, mentor/mentee kind of way. Please read the journal for updates to where I may be a,t at any given time...AND know, that I am VERY distrustful at this time...
The choice is truly yours
I did NOT write this! But it is a fave of mine....
(just so there is not misunderstandings..*wink*)
(I also did NOT take the picture (s) or do the drawing(s).)
The Dark, Blue Sea
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I steal
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the universe, and feel
What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal.-
Roll on, thou deep and dark blue ocean-roll!
Ten thousand fleets sweep over thee in vain;
Man marks the earth with ruin-his control
Stops with the shore;-upon the watery plain
The wrecks are all thy deed, nor doth remain
A shadow of man's ravage, save his own,
When for a moment, like a drop of rain,
He sinks into thy depths with bubbling groan,
Without a grave, unknell'd, uncoffin'd, and unknown.
His steps are not upon thy paths-thy fields
Are not a spoil for him-thou dost arise
And shake him from thee; the vile strength he wields
For earth's destruction thou dost all despise,
Spurning him from thy bosom to the skies,
And send'st him, shivering in thy playful spray,
And howling, to his gods, where haply lies
His petty hope in some near port or bay,
And dashest him again to earth: there let him lay.
The armaments which thunderstrike the walls
Of rock-built cities, bidding nations quake,
And monarchs tremble in their capitals,
The oak leviathans, whose huge ribs make
Their clay creator the vain title take
Of lord of thee, and arbiter of war;
These are thy toys, and, as the snowy flake,
They melt into thy yeast of waves, which mar
Alike the armada's pride, or spoils of Trafalgar.
Thy shores are empires, changed in all save thee-
Assyria, Greece, Rome, Carthage, what are they?
Thy waters washed them power while they were free,
And many a tyrant since: their shores obey
The stranger, slave or savage; their decay
Has dried up realms to deserts:-not so thou,
Unchangeable, save to thy wild waves' play-
Time writes no wrinkle on thine azure brow-
Such as creation's dawn beheld, thou rollest now.
Thou glorious mirror, where the Almighty's form
Glasses itself in tempests; in all time
Calm or convulsed-in breeze, or gale, or storm,
Icing the pole, or in the torrid clime
Dark-heaving; boundless, endless and sublime-
The image of eternity-the throne
Of the invisible; even from out thy slime
The monsters of the deep are made; each zone
Obeys thee; thou goest forth, dread, fathomless, alone.
And I have loved thee, ocean! And my joy
Of youthful sports was on thy breast to be
Borne, like thy bubbles, onward: from a boy
I wanton'd with thy breakers-they to me
Were a delight; and if the freshening sea
Made them a terror-'twas a pleasing fear,
For I was as it were a child of thee,
And trusted to thy billows far and near,
And laid my hand upon thy mane - as I do here.
© Lord Byron. All rights reserved, 17 years from now
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While I have considered myself as bi-sexual, my whole life.( my first, and many, experiences were with females).and while I consider myself a submissive, I have never met a woman I would submit to. I think I want to give that a try…. A very complex and confusing standpoint…I can’t yet put any of this into words…but it’s a thought…. Maybe I have given up on men.. Not one of them could “get” me… while I was in a very long committed relationship..Property to ONE…in the end, he let me down, because he asked me to be someone I am not. And didn’t allow the time for me to learn how to be this person he wanted, without understanding who I am, which is confusing because he spent years on “training” me what he wanted “physically” spent years ramping on the physical impact so that I would learn to enjoy the sensation.. to need the sensation…and his command to get any enjoyment from the activity… yet, emotionally, he didn’t take the time.. And became frustrated with me all too soon..And then blamed me for the shortcomings.. That may not be the whole truth.. but it is my truth…maybe it is not a “woman” I want but a switch… and maybe for me it has to be a woman, because I just can’t submit to a man that I can top…or wants me to top…and since I have never tried to submit to a woman…maybe this is my last chance to ever submit again…the last chance for me to ever “play” again.. the last chance for me to ever have any kind of physical / intimate / romantic / or just purely sexual relationship… while in my heart of hearts, deep in my soul, I will always crave a “MANS” leadership in my life, I do not think I can ever trust enough to truly submit…. I do not know if “finding” a “female” top is just a way to stay in the “game” or I am truly terrified to NEVER have any aspect of “ME” come to the surface..at the age of 45, to never again enjoy the physical sensations of the body. .. Something, that through HIS training, I can’t do on my own, or for myself, even though he has tossed me aside.. I cannot un-do the training, the learning, I have had at his hands, his direction, his teachings, his word, to always love me, treasure me, want me, to forever guide me, be there for me….
Gee, this must be a tough night for me…. |
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In the darkness of my soul
my face is locked away
though you stare into my eyes
I’m not the person that I portray
hidden behind the walls of my heart
where no one will ever see me
safely protected within my dungeon
where only I possess the key
Deep dark and mystic
bottled feelings lay
in unreachable places
of a secret passage way
concealed love unrevealed dreams
minding the riches of the heart and soul
behind inaccessible doors
which no one will ever find
Mystic emotions
my true inner self
sitting all alone
like dust upon a shelf
all my life there was no one
to share my love or dreams
so I’ll take my emotions to the grave
from my deepest joys to painful screams
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| Age: 23 |
| Abidjan,
Cote D'Ivoire |
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