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| Hello,
This profile is being created under a false name. Why? It's not that I've got anything to hide, but I want to preserve the air of mystery and I'm slightly paranoid.
Was in a dom/sub relationship about 2 years ago, but walked out when he decided that he wanted me anorexic (he wanted me on a 400kcals/day diet, so I told him to FOAD). If you're looking for big boobs, a large arse, or curves, then you've come to the wrong place; I'm petite, slim (UK 6), brunette - and have a VERY dark fantasy, which I will only reveal to the right candidate.
As for what I want, I have only one rule, really: - ABSOLUTELY NO FACIAL HAIR! It freaks me out, Big Time!
There are several things you should know about me (that's another thing, you must be open, honest, and willing to accept me for who I am; I am NOT seeking someone who will force himself on me - had enough of that with the last fucker, but he was smoking skunk (at least it must have been, as it's SERIOUSLY fucked up his head! I am, as you can see from my profile, and hopefully from my photo, anything BUT fat! According to PF, I'm morbidly obese (yes, I need to tone up, but as for being obese? Well, let's put it this way - if I'm MO, then what does that make Ruth Jones/Dawn French/Jo Brand/Beth Ditto, then...?!)
We have a mutual friend, G, who really IS MO (she's 2" taller than I am, and about 2 times my weight at least!) She's been a swinger all the time I've known her - her size - nor her disability - have held her back, I wish I had her confidence (she's bi, I'm straight). G KNOWS she's MO; every time we argue, and I call her a "stupid fat bitch", her response is simply "That's stupid morbidly obese bitch, sweetie!"
However, according to R (the guy I was in a relationship with last year) she's perfect, Rubenesque - I'm obese. When I met him, about 10 years ago, yes I was - I was FAR larger than G is now (size 36/38 and fuck only knows what the scales said - most only went up to 25 stone!)
Now, I have VERY low self-confidence, self-esteem and self-belief; partly because of R, but mainly because I suffer from PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) which makes me well, very ugly (yes, I realise I'm not selling myself here, but I'd rather be honest; otherwise, it'd be like buying a diamond ring, only to get it home and find the band's coloured stainless steel and the stone's paste! I do not wish to mislead, misinform or misguide anyone).
The main problem is my face, unfortunately (well it's what gives someone their first impression, isn't it...?) Imagine yourself with 10 days growth, and you'll have some idea what I look like 24/7 (have I disgusted you enough, yet?). I've tried everything but, like many women with PCOS, I have EXTREMELY sensitive skin. so nothing works - so I'm forced to resort to shaving (with a blokie razor), which leaves me with acne, stubble and shaving rash.
My aforementioned mate was told that, if she could get down to around 11.5st, she could have a boob job on the NHS (she won't mind me saying that her bras are so large they could be used as tents for a family of four and their 2 large dogs!) But *I* am not allowed laser hair removal on the NHS because (as I've been told) it's not causing me any physical harm (apparently psychological damage from being taunted, teased, derided and abused, doesn't count...). I have a very thin face and prominent Adam's apple - and my cropped hair gives me the impression of being a guy (I had one moron in Liverpool insist (and he became quite violent with it) that I couldn't be a lass BECAUSE I had an Adam's apple (because only lads have them! I know you blokes sometimes wish we didn't (because then you'd get a bit of peace and quiet) but I'd love to know where he believed the female voice was produced from!)
If physical appearance is all you go for then, please, find yourself a Paris Hilton. I am who I am and, if a man cannot accept me for that well, I don't want to know him. Why should I be punished forever for something which is beyond my ability to control? I certainly did NOT ask to be ugly! Why would any woman want to spend her life feeling unsexy, ugly and unfeminine?
Second thing you need to know about me: - I have Asperger's Syndrome (if you do not know what this is, then there are many sites out there offering explanations and what it means). Basically it means that I have the brains, am able to communicate in writing, put thoughts down on paper, or on a computer screen, but I have very little social skills; I have no rules, no boundaries, no guidelines (think of a toddler who hasn't learnt the meaning of the word 'danger' and you have some idea of what it's like to be me).
Whilst I have always been exploring the sub side of my nature, I DO NOT want a dom who doesn't understand the meaning of the word 'NO!' there have to be safewords, and there has to be understanding as to how far I am willing to go (what my last bloke didn't understand (he had AS, too) was the difference between what I wanted to keep as fantasy and what I actually wanted to explore in practice.)
I am very into what I think is termed 'amateur gynaecology', basically because, I think, I need to explore my fears in a safe environment, with someone I can get to know, trust and, who knows, maybe even love, because the treatment I've had from real doctors (though if he WAS a real doctor, so much the better!) has been appalling to say the least. I'm extremely needle-phobic, yet I find the idea of needle-play strangely arousing; I have one Dark Desire I would like carried out, but it HAS to be with the right man, and he MUST be experienced in the practice. No 'amateurs'.
I think I've told you all I can about me (other than I'm on benefits and have been forced to move back with my parents in South Bucks, so I would need to travel (though NOT to London - it TERRIFIES ME!!)
Please be aware that, in many ways, I am VERY naive, but I can turn into Satanica if you seriously abuse me.
Guidelines: -
I will NOT be
1) A human toilet
2) Degraded
3) Abused
4) Raped
5) Imprisoned
6) Tied up and left
Posting this is scaring me shitless, but that's actually a turn-on (see - told you I was weird!
If you want to talk over MSN, then let me know (if I can remember my login - ages since I've used it!)
Be well,
Peace
Rhianna xxx
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