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Hetero Female Submissive, 61,  Alberta, Canada
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December 119 Because I changed my profile, I am unable to receive or send messages until the new profile has been accepted. To those who I have been exchanging messages with, please be patient, as I need to be patient. I will message all contacts as soon as I am able. Thank You.

It is time to change my profile and with Christmas coming up, I decided to share a Letter to Santa poem a wrote a number of years ago. I should warn you, it is a rather lengthy read. My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Im pleased to write this note to you
So you will have no fear
Unlike the years already past
Ive been very good this year

I grounded up and tossed away
My precious stack of pot
If I cant smoke nor sell it
It will sit and go to rot

The letter F in my tattoo
The one upon my bod
I had replaced with the letter L
But Luck It sounds so odd

I said goodbye to Mary
Bloody Mary was a blast
I tipped my hat and took a bow
Told Jack Daniels hes my past

I poured my Gibleys down the drain
Jim Beam he followed fast
The Chardonnay I tossed did hurt
But this one was the last

I went to the Casino
To place my last and final bet
I couldnt stop and spent too much
And now I am in debt ... oh oh

Dont worry as Ill pay the debt
Im making much more money
I only walk the best of streets
With my job as a Playboy Bunny

While working streets at nighttime
There are many men I meet
But now I have protection
From the nuttier ones on the street

The Protector I secured
Keeps my money very safe
He also keeps me well supplied
With condoms, silk and lace

I know that you do not approve
Of my chosen occupation
But understand I love my job
And earned an awesome reputation

I made these changes Santa
Because two years in a row
You left nothing in my stocking
But a bloody lump of coal

H O W E V E R please remember

Im not a perfect person
Though many changes I did make
I had an oh oh moment and
A Ben Moss necklace I did take

B U T it was fake
A N D really I just borrowed it

Stealing isnt problematic
And they often overcharge
So a good deed I was doing
Besides the necklace wasnt large

I quickly slipped it in my bag
Im sure theyll never miss it
Had the necklace been of real gold
I doubt I would have risked it

In continuing my honesty
I broke down and had a toke
The joint was accidentally
Left in the pocket of my coat

A N D I couldnt let it go to waste

Then at a Christmas Gift Exchange
Well wouldnt you just know it
I received a bottle of Barardi Rum
And I simply couldnt throw it

Having it may tempt me
But Ill keep it for when Im ill
The alcohol kills many germs
Much quicker than a pill

Im aware of my profanity
And Im changing the words I use
But God Dammit it is hard as hell
When Im pissed and blown a fuse

I hope you note my changes made
Ive really tried my best
So this year coal I dont expect
But I do have one request

Id like a big and strong and gorgeous man
Who is never done too fast
Please tie him up in a big red bow
Strategically so he can last


If after reading all Ive written
I get coal as in the past
Be prepared for me to tell you
To shove it up your ass

I H O P E we have an understanding . but if we dont

Im not above some bribery
Ive kept a list on you
I rather think some things you did
Youd prefer that no one knew

And I am sorry to tell you Santa Clause
That the list is very long
Oh my youve been a naughty boy
Youve done many things quite wrong

You made poor Rudolph lead your team
You pulled him out of bed
Not caring that he was quite ill
With a nose so bright and red

You work your elves both day and night
While sitting on your rear
Employment standards you ignore
Thats wrong my Santa Dear

You eat up all the chocolates
As quick as they are made
Its no wonder youre resistant
To have your body weighed

I doubt you read the letters
Sent from children world round
Too often what they ask for
Never ever can be found

Now Johnny is almost eleven
He really wanted a blue bike
You must have been so very drunk
To leave him with a trike

K R I S K R I N G A L I think youre slipping!!

And then theres the speeding issue

To get around the world and back
Youd have to really speed
There must be speed signs up above
You should take time to heed

You could cause quite a collision
With the birds or airplanes
Im sure the people down below
May have a few complaints

And then there was the one day
I saw you at the Mall
I couldnt get too close to you
You reeked of alcohol

A N D to think I tossed my alcohol out

There is one final item
I think that you should know
The brownies that I leave for you
Are laced with alcohol

A N D . a little bit of hash
A N D you always eat them all

I now can end this letter
And I hope you understand
You yourself are far from perfect
So I expect to get my man

A good strong male species
With a lot of staying power
And a big red bow tied securely around

W E L L read between the lines and youll know where it should be tied

With best regards,











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 175 lbs






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Journal Entries:
12/17/2012 10:37:27 AM

Written and dedicated with love and gratitude to my future husband Bondage Jerry for all he has given me throughout our two years together … his love and dedication, his time and attention, his consistent belief in me and in us. 

Also written and dedicated with love and gratitude to our dear friend Barry T., who willingly helped us grow together during our down times through his interventions of common sense and wisdom along with his consistent belief in us.  Barry, during our times of trouble, you helped us find our way.  We cannot thank you enough.

Though in the following piece of writing I refer to “we” throughout, this is written by me and is a reflection of our first two years together of sharing, learning, discovery and growth as individuals and a couple.


 I met my mate two years ago and we formed an instantaneous relationship of friendship.  Three months after this date we, without expectation or intention, found ourselves falling in love with each other.  Living together shortly thereafter, we time BDSM relationship we both needed could begin, yet all of our many attempts at "having" such a relationship failed miserably.  It was only recently we realized why.

The "falling in love" messed the both of us up, especially my mate.  Neither of us seemed to be able to assume the roles we both needed to assume, with any form of consistency.  We both became frustrated and disillusioned over time and because this BDSM relationship was so elusive, we resigned ourselves to focusing more on our development as a vanilla couple and put BDSM away until some later time in the future.  This BDSM stuff was creating too much chaos and confusion in our lives.

 We can now see that though we have been together for two years and we consider ourselves to be intelligent adults, there was so much we didn't know.  We believed that by living together the creation of a 24/7 BDSM relationship should be relatively easy.  After all, we were already living 24/7.  We thought that a solid vanilla relationship was instantly developed through love alone.  We asked ourselves and each other why we couldn't incorporate into our lives the BDSM relationship we both needed and always dreamed of.  We blamed each other, we blamed ourselves, yet love kept us together though we both often wondered if this would be enough.  It was only the last week or so that the answers fell into our laps in the most unexpected of ways.

 We were going about this the wrong way and knowledge of BDSM combined with a burning desire to become a BDSM couple is not enough to create a BDSM relationship.  Living together 24/7 does not make creation of a 24/7 BDSM relationship any easier or quicker to achieve.  Past experience does not give us the perfect template which we can follow in forming our own BDSM relationship.  The most relevant answer we found was that "falling in love" and desire to be together promised no guarantee that we would remain together "in love" for the balance of our lives, let alone as a vanilla/ BDSM couple.

 What we realized was that falling in love was the glue that kept us together through our troubled times, to evolve into the loving couple we are today.  It was the realization of what we created through falling in love that changed us into a loving couple.  It was remaining together through our down times which reinforced the wants and desire to become a loving couple.  It was the shared excitement over each new day along with our plans for the future, the interests we enjoy together in the present, our overall compatibility, the knowledge that together there is nothing we cannot do, there are no dreams we cannot reach.  It was the many long, lengthy yet honest discussions we had and it was taking the time to learn about, to accept and to understand each other.  It was the efforts given to develop deeper self honesty and honesty to each other which led to an unfailing trust in each other, open communication and integrity as individuals and a couple.  In our two years together and from our successes and failures we took “falling in love” and evolved into a “loving couple”. 

 We realized that the reason our attempts to live as a BDSM couple failed were because our unspoken but shared priority was the development and growth into a loving couple in the vanilla realm, the environment that we live the main part of our lives in, the environment we cannot escape from, the environment we need to keep us balanced.

 Everything makes more sense now.  My mate has recently become my fiancée and will become my husband on May 4th of 2013.  We were unable to develop the type of BDSM relationship with the strong D/s elements we both need into our lives because the vanilla aspects of love, growth, stability and future were and will always remain our priority.   This has become the necessary foundation on which we can build our BDSM life within and upon.  Becoming a loving couple has aided us in identifying our respective strengths and weaknesses and this knowledge is imperative for us to develop and help us grow into a D/s couple.  Along with the desire, we now have the trust, faith and respect that a BDSM element in our lives would require to be fully incorporated into our vanilla life that will last forever.  We now have the full understanding of our individual and joint needs and our own template to follow.  We have given each other permission to live as our natural personalities and tendencies exist with my future husband assuming the Dominant role allowing me to assume the submissive role in our life together. 

 We have thrown away the “how to”, “must do” and the “follow me” books and have made a commitment to ourselves and each other to build a D/s/BDSM dynamic in our lives, our way, learning as we go and strengthening the D/s element until our interactions become “just the way we live and love” with no excuses or explanations necessary.    We will always endeavor to learn from our mistakes and grow with our successes and we have allowed room for mistakes because without mistakes there can be nothing to learn from and grow upon.

 What we learned was that it was not realistic to attempt to build a vanilla and BDSM life simultaneously because one required elements of the other to succeed and be lasting.  It may have taken us two years that at times felt like an excessively long period of time but every moment of our struggles were worth what we now have, what we will continue to build upon and the direction we will take our lives with love, and as a loving and committed couple.

 Bondage Jerry and I found something very valuable and rare and we will treasure it always and keep it safe.  The following sentiments have more personal meaning for us today than when I wrote them many months ago.  I am therefore going to retain them below in this writing.  We are on a journey of a lifetime together and our destinations may change, but our journey will go on forever. 

 Writing of some months ago …

“I would like to share a few of my sentiments and you can take this or toss it. If you are fortunate enough to find "your" special partner, if you are compatible in most areas with the same expectations for the future, if you understand that perfection is unrealistic and mutual need to give, receive and share is the main motivator, if you know that open and honest communication is imperative to develop any relationships and are prepared to be an active participant in this regard, if you are both willing to work your asses off to build a foundation that can be strengthened in time and depended on, if you know the meaning of commitment and necessity of following through, if you believe in honesty to others and self honesty, if you give as much as you receive in a different but complimentary form, then accept you have found something very valuable and rare. Treasure it and keep it safe.

You are on a journey of a lifetime together. Destinations may change at times but the journey never ends.”


7/30/2012 6:48:46 AM

Trying my hand at mental imagery and written word to entice mental and physical stimulation.    First try ... I'm a novice.




I am a submissive/slave, and as such I am bound by rules set by my Dominant, for my growth, my safety and my security, as well as adding a sense of stability and consistency in my life.  As a slave/submissive, my responsibilities to my Dominant are to take care of His needs so he can take care of mine.  My internal responsibilities as a willing and wanting submissive/slave are honesty, dependability, responsibility, trustworthiness, willingness to learn and grow, obedience and a real desire to honor and respect that which is earned by my Dominant.  A need to please and gain approval is the paramount purpose for being a slave/submissive.


I wasn’t watching the time and I realized it was half an hour later than I was expected to be home.  I rushed in the door hoping You were not yet home.  You were not only home, You had warmed the casserole I prepared for dinner and was sitting at the table and had already begun eating.  With a look of dismay, I stood at the entryway to the kitchen, hands behind my back as I had been taught, eyes looking downward, and waited patiently for Your permission to move to stand next to You.  It seemed like forever until I heard You speak.  You told me to look at You, and Your eyes told me how displeased You were.  I was upset with myself because You took a lot of time and effort to ensure I understood Your rules, and to be home awaiting Your arrival was one of them.


I moved next to Your side and sat at Your feet as You instructed me to do, and I sat silent until You were through eating.  You pushed back Your chair, looked down at me and said I was to go to the bedroom, pick out a blindfold and nipple clamps and return to Your side.  You instructed me to remove Your belt from Your pants, kiss the instrument of Your discipline and hand it to You.  The blindfold was placed over my eyes and I was to be naked before You, undressing myself quickly yet seductively.  My clothing lay at my feet and the pull on my hair moved me before You.  Securing the nipple clamps to my already sensitive nipples, You again used my hair to turn me towards the table and bend me over, forearms resting on the table for support.  With my sight taken away and dependent only on hearing I was more apprehensive than usual, expecting but not knowing when Your belt would be used.  You took Your time before beginning, knowing the lapse of time would only worry me more.


I heard it before I felt it as Your belt swung and landed in the middle of my right cheek, and then more in rapid succession.  As much as the nipple clamps were meant to keep my still as any movement meant a very uncomfortable pull to the chain between them, one smack after another made remaining still difficult, if not impossible.  You stopped for a moment to caress my right cheek which was by now a lovely shade of red, then began again to ensure my left cheek matched my right.  My ass was stinging from the belt, my nipples hurt from the movement of the chain and pressing Your body against my back I could tell You were becoming aroused.  Although You disliked the need to discipline me, seeing my ass cheeks turn from pink to red by Your administrations always turned You on.


I really wanted this over because I needed to worship Your cock by taking it in my mouth, kissing, licking, tasting the way You had taught me to show proper respect and appreciation to Your manhood.  I needed the pacifying effect that sucking provided to soothe my mind and reassure me I was forgiven.  Your permission granted through Your words and subsequent pushing me to my knees in between Your legs, I placed my mouth around Your cock and ran my tongue slowly and purposefully around the most sensitive part.  I licked, I sucked, I soothed myself through sucking while feeling You grow harder and bigger within my mouth.  I caressed Your testicles with my right hand, my left hand gently stroking Your ass, taking more of Your manhood into my mouth.  The taste of Your precum sent shivers down my body.  You then placed Your hands on each side of my head, forcing Your cock further down my throat with each thrust of Your hips.  Though I can feel Your cock in my throat and felt it could go no further, You would push deeper until You were completely buried in my mouth.  My excitement grew as I knew it would not be long until You shot into my mouth and I welcomed the taste of Your cum.  I was careful not to lose one drop and once You were spent, I gently and lightly cleaned You with my mouth.  I then laid my head on Your lap, waiting for the approval I longed to hear from You.


You placed Your hand under my chin and moved my head so I could see Your eyes.  You were smiling and Your eyes were sparkling.  All You said was “girl, I am pleased, and you are forgiven”.


Establishing rules showed me You care enough for my safety and security to place them.  Your attention to my late arrival home showed me You will not let disobedience go unhandled, even though this disobedience was not an intentional breach.  Your discipline showed me You would take the time and effort to remind me why my adherence to rules is imperative.  You permitted me to demonstrate proper respect for You by worship of Your manhood.  You allowed me to please You with eagerness and longing, the way You had taught me. You forgave me and helped me forgive myself.


My meal that night consisted only of Your essence, but this was nourishment enough. 

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