The beg in my eyes tells the story of the deep need that only your touch can release. On my hands and knees, I inch closer to your warmth, to the magnetic field that inexplicably draws me in to this wanton love that only your touch or smile can satisfy. Your ring is my collar, my badge of honor, my constant reminder for you only I lay my lips to your feet.

Thank you for getting my car and making an effort to do your best. I have so much respect for you for not giving up for pride or ego.

Good Night. Where do I begin. I have  so much on my mind. Questioning and searching for answers. How can you be a part of a team when you never know from day to day what the next move will be? How can you play your position when you are in the dark? or better yet, blinded by infatuation. Two words come to mind: Self Sabotage. ... There is a perfectly logical explanation for everything. Right? I read this short article and these two quotes really stood out for me. "The fact is that the very things which hold you back the most are the ones most hidden from view in your “blind spots.” " and "How much time can you afford to waste?"David Elliott.

Ok, I admit on my behalf, I am prone to fantasy as an escape from the ugly truth at times. I keep thinking that I am a perfect girl friend and I must show my man I love that I am capable of conducting myself with the esteem of Caesar's wife while in the privacy of our home, be the nastiest toe sucking, dick licking, pig slut if you can handle that. The proverbial lady in the streets, freak in the sheets. This is not an act! This is the heartbeat of my own self sabotage. My fantasy life as rich and colorful as it is is page one of a lifetime of blind spots. What is yours baby? I've never met a man that had the power to transform all this raw energy, pure love and unbridled passion into something beautiful and tangible. It does not take very much. Small, consistent contributions. Steady and consistent molding of your clay, your property is the daily investment to our masterpiece.

Knowing that everyone wants more time for a million reasons, and that its a valuable commodity that can't be bought or sold. Like money it must be utilized wisely. It can evaporate before your eyes and have you wondering where did it all go? Especially when you are the kind of person that so many people depend, tugging at you with all of their needs and problems for you to solve, it can feel like the weight of the world on your shoulders. I am first your friend. I care about you and everything you go through from day to day to survive, and protect your dreams. I realized something today and I hope that we can keep it real.

Two common themes have come up this week. 1. Knowing my role and 2. Cultivating patience. I think I need to switch the order. Maybe not, its all relative. I have been craving a slice of you all week long. We both have been busy... I promised myself I wouldn't pout because bed time was coming and you would not be in my bed, or call me over to be in yours. I said I wouldn't get my feathers ruffled when Friday night was on its way and I would not be hurrying home to get sexy for you for an outing of cocktails (for me) appetizers, and  deep conversation. I am mute to the fact that you have family obligations. Is this torture? In the moment, yes it is.

Yet, when I think about what my role in your life is, and how I prayed for a hard working man who didn't do drugs and get drunk all the time and gamble his money away. A man who has dreams and goals, who believes in family and the good life with a good wife. I know you're worth it. It's still difficult none the less.  I have not always been the patient type. Like most people I want the immediate gratification. Although I have been trained to serve another's needs without any consideration of my own. The slightest whim requiring immediate attention with all the urgency and importance of a high request. This was my role for many years. Of course I am a more selective and mature version of my former self, yet the attraction to this way of life is the joy to be needed, to have someone expect the proper response to their time, attention, creativity, and the sometimes the element of surprise that comes with maintaining your property.

Having a rough morning. I want sex all the time. Seems to make life a little easier. Maybe its all in my head. Probably is, but I'm trying not to get to the point of obsession. It's just one of those things. besides life stress, and seemingly living in a state of want and desire, I read something today that made me smile. (Its a secret)...

I've spent my time looking forward to our first real session. I don't want to be quiet. I don't want to get up early in the morning.  Something about my initial perception of you, this intelligent, loving, and super sexy man has led me to speculate that this time will be a memorable encounter, and my intuition is very accurate. I want to impress you with a carefully chosen outfit, the official hairstyle and the just the right amount of makeup, sexiness and liquor for me. The impression you have made on me is more subtle, more considered, and deeply memorable. You have touched my heart. You are a man who deserves to be treated well. I will wait patiently for this day my love.

Talked to my friend earlier today and she was telling me that she wished her man complimented her more because that would inspire her to be more giving. Her man says that he won't do that because it will give her the big head. These two are locked in a cycle of selfishness, and no one wants to be the first to break down because they believe it will give the other an unfair advantage. This is too bad, because they're both good people who have been together about 10 years (they even argue like an old married couple), but they are stuck at level one because no one wants to show their hand or be outdone. This is what I love about being a submissive. Yes it does open the door to be taken advantage of in the wrong hands, but in the right hands, the pillar of trust in the relationship grows by leaps and bounds. I'm waiting for the day that my will says no but the fullness of my submission takes its rightful place where one man leads with the confidence that he is the boss. He is never alone.  

Last night you gave me some delicious dick and laid your chiseled body next to me. You're still holding back on all the good stuff, but I understand why for now.  I couldn't sleep because I love just stroking your skin, kissing your back, and running my nails through your manly chest. When you did wake up, I hope you liked it when I put my head under the covers and left my ass out standing for me to wiggle as I sucked your love stick. You fuck me so good, it just makes me want more. I want you next to me every night.

The moral of the stories is that I want our new love to mature into old love where the seeds of true friendship become a fruitful expression of time, tests, and devotion.

Hello love... We needed to connect, and regroup. Thank you for breaking the ice. What a great night with you. Dinner, and a show and yes you put a smile on my face. From our conversation, you seem to appreciate this journal and how we can grow and build from here.  Way to recover...

I don't know what to think or to do with you. I know you want to be with me and I have all but spelled out my love for you. I'm wondering what your going to say this time. You're multitasking with my love, which is clean, clear and free of baggage. Can I say the same of you? We will have some time to talk tomorrow. I need you to be real with me to avoid imminent failure of a blessed chance meeting. I only wish to bare my neck to you in trust instead of my growling teeth.

Ok, here's the real challenge. I work a lot, and you work more than me. Today you called me and needed me to be there for you. I was there without question. I asked about when we will spend some quality time this weekend, and you couldn't answer me. I love that you are productive and have impeccable work ethics. I'm all for the being supportive and calming spirit in your life. If that will strengthen our foundation as a couple, I will sacrifice the time that I would love just playing and having intimate bond with you for our future together. That's what vacation is for... right?

It probably sounds pretty sappy huh?, and I have to fight negative thoughts and negative feedback. Someone commented to me today that I'm probably not the only one, and that I should slow down on the love thing because he might be playing you to get you where he wants you and leave you hanging because of how you love. All or nothing. I give you all of me and I will not stop giving you my best unless I see otherwise from you.

Being so in love with you has reawakened my desires. I dream of soul stirring love making and intense play exploration. I want to be constantly reminded that I am your property. With that in mind I also understand and have accepted that I am capable and independent, however I believe that you came into my life to help me cultivate the very thing I run from in a relationship. I have a love slave's heart. I crave to be all up under my man at all times. That is delightful in fantasy but this is reality. I need to continue to be the strong alpha female that I am, and intensify my passion for you by giving you the power to strip me down to my most vulnerable parts, and know that you will not waiver and you will demand the very best from me from my appearance, attitude, and speech that you reward me with your very best.    

Song of the day: All I by Jill Scott

Another great day. Working hard and now reflecting on how blessed I am. I always love to see you. Thanks for coming in and spending a few minutes on your break. So today I told you about my surprise for you. I didn't go into detail, but I had a giggle hiding in my throat all day because today you were going to find out about this site, and my profile, and my daily thoughts. I know your were too tired to check tonight, but when you do, the conversation can begin. I know that I am taking a chance by exposing my vulnerability but something tells me that you can handle it.

Tonight we talked about how I love to suck on your big dick. I have fantasized about licking it like a melting popsicle, worshiping your entire manhood with my tongue. Of course I'd love it if you held the back of my head to push me closer to your tasty climax. I am a gentle, obedient lover in the bedroom. Your pleasure and happiness are very important to me. I am confident that you are unlike anyone I have met in a very long time. You have the power to love and to nurture as well as express a mature sexual dominance that has been waiting for a chance to express itself. We are still learning each other, and exploring what the future looks like together.

The things that encourage my love and loyalty are 1, a willingness to be honest and open minded 2, be generous 3, don't shut down. We are here to serve each other in different ways.

I love you

Good morning. Thanks for calling last night. I love to hear your voice before I go to sleep. It helps me rest better.  I promised myself after that one incident with your phone that I wouldn't get those out of control feelings that you are cheating. I told myself I wouldn't let the insecure feelings take over. You are trustworthy and honorable. We both know the pain of lies and I have to remember that you would not play a game with me. You show that everyday.

Song of the day: Tenderoni by Bobby Brown

Ok got to go... More later.

Hi baby. What do you think? I created this profile so I can give you a glimpse of the real me.  

Who am I? I have always craved submission to my man as the ultimate example of femininity. I have learned the difference between fantasy and reality over the years. I have tried being a slave. It wasn't fulfilling for my soul, I felt empty and used most times especially after a session. I have been a fuck toy and pet bitch for a time. Willingly subjecting myself to men who kept me drunk and high to feed my out of control addiction to sex and attention. What most don't understand in the vanilla world, is that once you become a part of this world, its hard to return to "normal" if its in you. I don't have to broadcast my need for a dominant man who I greatly respect. It's in me. It's what I like and its all for you.  

The new things I been wanting to do with you:

• The special anal training I told you about
• Establish some sexy rituals that I do only for you in private when you come home (even if I have to stop what I'm doing or drag myself out of a sleepy bed).
• One time I want you to beat my ass till I cry (just one time to see if I still like it)(especially if I've done something to make you mad)(I don't see that happening any time soon, so you may just have to do it).

Ok, lets get this out the way now... Do I have daddy issues? YES! I don't expect you to be my father or play out that role in my life. I just know that I am happier and sexually fulfilled with a man who is dominant, responsible, and still cares about others. This is you, this is why we belong together.  

Ok, enough for tonight. I love you AB