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AleriaLumina

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9/26/2011 12:37:34 AM

Difficult demands.. Suddenly I am wishing I had more friends and guys I know.. How I'm going to accomplish this I have no idea.. But the consequences of failing are so large... I have to find a way... Damn him for knowing my fears and weaknesses... And for using them against me.. And for knowing that to keep my fears at bay, I have to do something humiliating and that it would turn me on.. Fuck. 

 

I know these lessons are necessary. I know that this is something I was going to have to face at some point.. But.. I didn't expect this so soon.

 

I just have to succeed. 


9/25/2011 10:13:52 PM

I should have been prepared for the parts of this I didn't like. Being sold.. Losing my anal virginity in front of strangers and my Owner not even being there... Being humiliated. I've been shell shocked over the whole thing an I've cried and now I have to make a very difficult thing happen in 24 hours or I will be sold... I've got to do it. I've got to find a way.. 


9/23/2011 11:56:54 PM

My pain doesn't matter. My pain doesn't matter. My pain doesn't matter. Oh girl... Good luck sleeping on your nipples after that torture. Thank you for hurting me, Sir. I love hurting for you. 


9/19/2011 10:58:49 PM

I'm remembering as a child, that I used to help an animal rescue organization. I remember I always loved being in the cages with the animals and feeling happy and comfortable enough in the cages to sleep. Perhaps this is an early sign of my submission? Or just a really silly kid with a short attention span. =)

 

 


9/18/2011 5:12:04 AM

There's a tiny ray of light creeping up over the trees outside my room. It's subtle for the moment. But I know in just a moment, it will be a full blown light that not even my curtains will keep from my eyes. In a way, I am that light. For so long, I've been smoldering.. Subtly burning under the surface of this facade of what everyone wanted me to be. I've been afraid to be who I am. Afraid of persecution from those who I hold so dear to my heart. Could they bear to witness me give away my choice? Could the stand to watch me submit? Never.. They'd see it at sick.. So I've smoldered.. Waiting.. And knowing my answer was out there.. Just waiting for me. And just in the nick of time.. He surged his way into my mind and forced my obedience. Showing me...Teaching me.. I greedily absorb every lesson I'm taught and hope I can be a submissive he is proud to say he owns. 

 

The sun is shining... I shall kneel in the grass later... And bask in the beauty of being a submissive...

 

 

Thank you, Sir...


9/8/2011 11:58:04 PM

It's pitch black in my room, with the exception of my computer screen. Constant thoughts flickering in and out of my head. This is right. This is who I am. 

I am who I am. Submissive. This doesn't make me a bad person. I used to allow myself to be ashamed of who I am. Due to the brainwashing of my up bringing, I believed that I should hide the secret, dirty and raw part of me that craved to be released by someone. The part that loves to beg, be hurt, and made to scream.. She hid from the world. 

No. Fucking. Longer. 

He controls me. He tells me what to do. He brings out the inner whore that wants to be on her knees, crying and begging for him to stop, all the whole, knowing full well he won't. Is it frightening? Hell yes. Does that make it all the hotter? Yep. Does it make me want more? Every time. Let them look down at me. I don't care. As long as he is pleased with me, who gives a fuck what they think?

"Disturbed." That's what I used to get called. I'd lower my head and deny it. Now.. I'm going to smile and nod and say "You bet your ass I am."

It's ironic that, by making the choice to give your freedom over to someone, you actually set yourself free. That's how I feel. I give in, fully. I sit, kneel, or whatever he wants. I'm on display for him. I'm his to command. And in that moment.. There is a fine line between fear and arousal. And during that time where I'm in his control... That line disappears.. It's a mixture of hundreds of emotions and truly then, I am free. 

It might sounds crazy to some. To be free whilst giving your choices up to someone else. But it feels right to me. And doesn't everyone have the right to be happy?

Yeah. I'm nasty. I'm dirty. I'm a whore. A slut. I'm a fucking submissive little cunt. You can call me what you want. I won't be ashamed of who I am. Oh I can be ashamed of things. I can be humiliated. But only because he makes me. I'm his possession. He decides what I do or don't do. And I'm content with that. In fact.. I crave it. 

The intensity is incredible. The feel of his voice gives me chills. Seeing his name on my phone makes me shake, before I even know what he wants. He is in my head, all around me.. He knows what I need, what I'm trying to hide that I want.. And he makes me face it and beg for it. It's excruciating. Frustrating. He's not going to let me get away with pretending that I don't want it. He's going to make me own my desires and scream and cry for more. He's going to kill me with sensation. And then force me to ask for even more. If I say "I don't think I can." He's going to push me farther and say "Yes you can and you will." And I'll cum all the harder for it. 

With the simplest of phrases.. My body lights on fire. I want to hide behind them. Pretend that I'm too embarrassed to say things like 'I want to be fucked like the little slut I am." Yeah. Right. Like he's going to allow it. Nope. He's going to make me say what I want and make me feel the exciting sensation of being the little whore on the inside that I've always kept hidden. Like I said.. He's in my head... 

Does my pleasure matter? No. I am for his use. His amusement. His entertainment. And that's who I want to be. 

There's so much to learn and I'll absorb every bit that I can. 

I'm "out of the closet" in a sense. There's no denying who I want and who I am.. No going back. And no regrets. From here on out, I'm moving forward. 

 

~Aleria 


9/8/2011 3:35:09 PM

I'll next be displayed in Classic Videochat at 8:30est/5:30pst today.


Due to a power plant explosion, display has been put off until OneEvilBastard is available again.


Apologies.


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purplebubbles
 
 Age: 45
 West Midlands, United Kingdom