Collarspace.com

AbhilashaGhandi

AbhilashaGhandi - photo 1

Friends:
purpleparrot
Unaucht
Shamelessly copy/pasted from my OKC Introspection says (4:23 AM):
I am a very curious creature. I analyse everything.
I observe, measure, and form an opinion on.
I disbelieve everything until I've proven it to me.
Introspection says (4:24 AM):
and even when I've proven it, I still disbelieve, I just accept until I disprove it further
Introspection says (4:25 AM):
I've gone through every religion imaginable, but only feel I've struck truth when I experience it, and so far, I've not found it in religion, but instead in states of mind and being.
Introspection says (4:26 AM):
I blame it on my first science class.
I was 8 years old. They showed the class a picture in a book of a child's brain, and that of an educated adult.
They called the adult brain "grooved"
I called it wrinkled.
I knew what wrinkles were
Wrinkles happened to people I loved before they disappeared from my life forever
Introspection says (4:27 AM):
and there was no fucking way I was going to do that to my brain.
So I decided I would never ever ever become educated.
I would pretend to go along with what they taught me, but never believe it.
This has proved to be an incredibly useful thing in my life.
Introspection says (4:28 AM):
Of course when I was 16 I discovered and dabbled in wicca and decided I should believe in everything, but that didn't last very long when I didn't get results from that.
Introspection says (4:29 AM):
I'm also hyper, if you can't tell >.>

My self-summary
I am married to the mother of my daughter, I love them both dearly. We are polyamorous and welcoming. We're also more than a little kinky. We are free to pursue relationships outside of our own, as well as to bring others in, should we all be interested.

Tool, Björk, and Tori Amos are my pantheon. I am a psychonaut, an audiophile, a geek, a scholar, a gamer, and oddly enough atrucker.

Above all else I am a Spiritualist, yet anti-religious, forced to choose, I would say Shamanism or atheism and definitely Discordianism. ...lotta fucking ism's innit?

I believe in nothing, it's not as atheistic as it sounds though, that doesn't, however, mean that I am -not- an atheist, I just haven't decided yet ;). Curious? ask :) I'm trying to learn French using Michel Thomas' CDs, and I must say, it's a great system.

My name is not actually Abhilasha Ghandi, of course, I just went to a googled site for hindu name generator punched in my preferred name and boom, there it was. I really like Ghandi and his message, and after looking up the definition for Abhilasha (yes Americans, names in other countries have *gasp* MEANINGS!) I fell instantly in love with the name and decided it was better than my previous one, which I'll still use, cuz I still like it, but Abhilasha works for me here, at least.

I'm shy as fuck...at first. Although sometimes I completely contradict myself and become extroverted as all hell. Once I feel I know you (which for me can be seconds) I open up like a tricocherous pachanoi bloom in full radiant moonlight.

Perhaps it's the aquarian thing. Perhaps there's something to that zodiac thing, because, oddly enough, I fit the Aquarius profile to a tee, right down to my favourite element, and the sign's element of wind.

I sometimes use cutesy spellings and grammar for phonetic purposes (see innit above), but rarely tacky grossly over done shortening of words that are really goddamn short enough as it is. i.e. u, 4, 2, lyk (shudder) or any other annoying thing I see 13 year olds posing as 25 year olds on darkstarlings.com or in poorly conceptualised virtual worlds like WoW using on a regular basis.

I do and will frequently use certain acceptable shortcuts formed in the days of BBS's and MUDs and IRC, however, as I can be a bit of a technophile (a non-materialistic, nature-loving hippie type a technophile? say whaa??) anywhat, moving on.

So, that's temporarily my self summary, until I decide to change it around again. Hope you were entertained as you read it, I know I was writing it.

I am aquarian, impulsive, and psychedelic
What I’m doing with my life
Attempting to buy up plots of land all over the country, planning to move to France for awhile and learn advanced linguistics and physicsat the College de France, perhaps on money I make renting my land cheaply (perhaps free for land work) to less than fortunate, and alternative lifestyles type people.

Writing a book, and a comic. The unfinished book is available immediately in my journal thing (and rather short at the moment) to anyone who would like to give it a read. Feedback is much appreciated. ^^ The comic, which I now only have a picture record of on my tiny little SD card that doesn't work in this damned computer without an adapter I have yet to buy, is based on the Bible. That's right, you read me, the Bible. Only, it is my intention to bring in the missing pieces, and add a touch of humour, and hopefully, more than a little fact.

It begins with a conversation of these three creatures with egg shaped heads and a commanding voice in the wall and a bubbling tube thing with a shape you can just barely make out. These three egg headed creatures are named YHWH, Lucifer, and, of course, because I would NEVER leave out my favourite biblical deity, Lilith. That's all the preview you get for now. Want more? Ask and you shall receive, although the pictures may be hard to read, I took 'em with a cameraphone, and some of 'em before I laid pen over the penciling, and my drawing is shit (which is humorously indicated within a panel in Genesis) but I laughed, a lot, when the idea first hit me, and as I was creating it, which amazed me, so maybe you will too.
I’m really good at
Just about everything computer related, mathematics (who knew?!), psychology, language concepts, sometimes writing, and physics, and also apparently, anything I try to do.
The first things people usually notice about me
My eyes, of course, or perhaps my femininity. Sometimes they notice my "bad language" first ^^ Then there's the double take when I'm wearing "women's" clothing. I love that double take. "Oooh check out that hot chick!" "Wait...that is a chick, right? I'm not so su-" At which point I say something, anything, really, and they realise by my very unfortunately masculine voice that they've been checking out someone of similar gender.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Anything by: Piers Anthony, Chuck Palahniuk, Neil Gaiman,Orson Scott Card, Douglas Adams, Orson Welles, Anne Rice,Timothy Leary, some Dean Koontz, Alice In Wonderland and many many others.

Movies: Rob Zombie is a cinema God, Neil Gaiman Yes he makes movies too!!, Alien movies, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, The Matrix (all of them), Accepted, Saw(all of 'em so far), Quentin Tarantino flicks, Kevin Smith movies, K-pax. Pay it Forward, American Beauty, Se7en, well fuck Kevin Spacey in general.

Music: anything with a spiritual (-not- religious) connotation, Leonard Cohen Nine Inch Nails (older stuff), Lords of Acid, Mindless Self Indulgence, Deftones, Pink Floyd, Moody Blues, Puscifer, Dylanbob (of course), A Perfect Circle, David Bowie, Iced Earth,Moonspell, John Lennon In the Woods..., Green Carnation, I could go on but then this list would be insanely long.

"I realise I use the word fuck a lot, and I’d apologize for that, but I don’t give a shit." For everything you could say, chances are someone has said it better, Lewis Black, ladies and gentlemen, comedy rock star and visionary :)

Food: Anything out of the ordinary, I like to be shocked by my food, and feel cleansed physically and spiritually after eating it. Indian foodis great for this, anything with the combination of Cayenne and Cumin in it. entheogens
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What I can do to change the world, one person at a time.
language and it's evolution.

I sometimes imagine myself as those first explorers of this country, and put myself into their lives with what little fact I've gleamed from our hiSTORY and realise that there's a damn good chance that they were all totally FUCKED out of their minds on the new psychedelic drugs that the natives had introduced them to. I think that perhaps, the paranoia over it all was caused by some of these substances usedimproperly and partially caused the horrid things that were done in this country.

Well, and psychedelics+inherently violent people (as the particular Europeans that came over here have repeatedly proven themselves to be)=death and destruction and chaos (not the good kind of chaos mind you).

I ponder over life, I wonder why people do the things they do, such as make little collections of material junk in a desperate attempt to bring order and control into their worlds. You know the type, go to any little country house and start counting the cow patterns and cutesy little fucking pig salt and pepper dispensers and the cow patterned, sometimes MOOing milk canisters, etc...THAT type. >.br />The words of Timothy Leary, and his views on chaos.

Well, I'm actually, very probably insane. That goes hand in hand with what makes me tick. What makes me tick is highly intelligent debates about scientifically unprovable theories that I hold to be mostly true. For no reason other than, they have either happened to me, OR they have not been disproved in a manner in which I believed.

Since, I believe in nothing, I must be insane, because this sort of paradox of thought doesn't seem possible according to the physical world that most people consider to be reality. I consider the physical world to be a small insignificant portion of true reality and a purely subjective experience that we are all going through simply because our minds want to.

Such as:

Time: I think it is purely subjective, and therefore, controllable, I just haven't figured out how yet.

Quantum Physics: I don't believe you need to use mathematics to prove it's concepts, nor do I think that it's concepts CAN be proven with a machine, I do however believe that it's concepts are valid for the human body, such as teleportation and time travel through sheer force of will. Again, I haven't figured out how yet, but I'm positive it's possible, even though I lack the evidence to support my claims.

Astral Projection: I have done this numerous times, and proven it, over 10 years ago, however I can only do so under the influence of certain entheogens. My mind will never shut the fuck up long enough for me to enter a meditative, let alone transcendental state.

(insert religion name here): Bollocks, but I do allow that it is possible that gods do exist, but only for those who believe very strongly in them, and it is their belief that is the ONLY reason he/she/it exists at all. I do not believe in any of them, therefore I think that they do not exist at all in my reality. I also think that they are designed solely as a system of control in the guise of moral code, supplementing human beings, naturally spiritual creatures, with just enough of a taste of spirituality to be comfortable under this control, but never enough to escape into my world where the physical world seems tedious, and unbelievable.

"would you like to know more?"
--Starship Troopers creepy cheerful computer voice
On a typical Friday night I am
Hopefully at the drag show, showing off my dreadful dancing skills in between shows. Although, that's on Saturdays. Once a month :( Instead maybe I'm tying someone up and flogging them until they stop laughing. Or I may even be wandering through the woods studying mycology. I do a lot. Sometimes I'm even just sitting at my computer, exploring other people's minds in the form of MMO-type games, or RP MUDs.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm an open book, really, ask and I'll answer honestly.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 19-32
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, activity partners, long-distance penpals, casual sex
You should message me if
you have something intelligent to say.

you want to know anything else about me, my likelihood of initiating a first conversation, 99.9% of the time is equal to, if not greater than, a nun piercing her own clit while tattooing "Satan loves me, yay 666" on a catholic priest while he gives communion wafers to protestants in Ireland.

you agree to this disclaimer: I can be quite long winded, I try not to repeat myself, but sometimes it happens anyway, repetition annoys me to no end, including, and especially when I do it myself and even more so when I fail to catch it, I'm working on it, and I apologise in advance. If you can deal with that, message away :)

you are patient for a reply, as I have a bit of a life I can't always be nearby to an internet connection, and I also tend to neglect sites I've signed up on, unless it has email notifications, as this one does. I -always- reply, I may not often initiate a conversation, until I get to know you better, but I (here goes that repeating) will -always- reply to a message, albeit sometimes that reply is almost a full year later >.>. Even if it is to tell some creepy person that I would rather they left me be.

Also, this is The Big One, I am polyamorous, I am currently married to a fellow polyamorous woman who is 20 years old, whom I adore, and have a beautiful 9 month old baby girl with. She is -not- going anywhere. So if you aren't interested in being a part of that, or accepting that they will always be a part of my life, you probably shouldn't bother messaging me :)

Your relationship status within ours would be as big or small as you choose. We aren't the type of couple to treat our lovers as "pets" (Unless it is consensual), or to pay any less attention to them than they deserve or desire. We both fall in love head over heels, and usually for the long run, both of us, with whomever we choose to love.

In case you're wondering, yes, it is possible to cheat in a polyamorous relationship. This is done by joining a relationship but failing to inform an existing partner, or by starting a relationship with someone outside of it, and later denying such a relationship existed (typically a physical relationship).

I do not currently have any lovers other than my wife, but that does not mean that I would not welcome others. We do give each other veto power. This doesn't necessarily mean that if she doesn't like you she will veto you, she would only do so in the event that a relationship with you would become dangerous or toxic.

A prime example of dangerous or toxic is of a woman who tried to join our relationship through deceptive methods. She had a boyfriend, of this we were both aware, what we were not aware of, is that her boyfriend was the controlling, jealous, monogamous type. When we found this out, we both decided that this woman could potentially be harmful to our relationship, because she was willing to cheat, and endanger us both, by and on her current boyfriend.

Here is an actual current example of an existing working relationship within our poly love: She has a boyfriend, whom I get along fairly well with, but as I am straight, he is all hers, and I enjoy conversing with him, but that is about as far as my relationship with him goes.

Side note: In the rare case that I have messaged you...well, see above and be amazed ^^
10/25/2009 1:25:21 PM
So much for keeping this updated.

Lessee...I'm moving in 4 days.  To the coolest place on earth.

I mean, well, I dunno about the place, but there's this fucking amazing girl there, which makes it awesome by default.

Kinda like Mesa.  Since I'm here right now, it's awesome by default.

that's it for now.
9/16/2009 1:05:55 AM
Oh wow, I have a subscriber on my journal O.O  This is unexpected.

Now I feel I should put some more stuff into it.

Hmm..

Well at the moment, I got nothin', but I am inspired to try and work something new up :)
9/12/2009 5:20:51 PM
I think you can tell a lot about a person by the things they write, so here is a story I'm working on.  It may or may not later become a full novel.

Prologue: Meet Serendipity

She stood, arms outstretched, and eyes closed, barefoot on the cool grass, completely encircled by wild rosebushes, not in bloom, but still just as fragrant as if they were teeming with the little white blossoms, save for the small gap through which she entered her private little paradise.

The wind stirred and tousled her hair gently, causing waves and ripples through the grass at her feet, and rustled gently through the leaves of the wild rosebushes, making tiny whispering sounds and soft touches that delighted her every sense, save sight. For you see, this delighted child standing here amidst these rosebushes, reveling in the sheer beauty of nature, was blind. She had been blind for most of her life, yet, since discovering this wonderful haven last year, not once did she miss her sight. For this was a place of great magic, and wonder. Enrapturing sounds, smells, sensations, and even the taste of the cool air on her tongue delighted her to the fullest extent. She sometimes thought, were she still able to see, she more than likely would never have appreciated her other senses thus, and as a result, thanked the mysterious forces that took away her sight and gave her this precious gift of sensory bliss.

Meet Serendipity, you'll come to know and love her as you follow along on her amazing adventures right there amongst the wild rosebushes, for what no one but she knew, was that this place was a mystical portal into another world, one that did not require sight, one that did not react with fear and misunderstanding, and sometimes outright hatred to her blindness. An alternate plane, where never a soul had seen a thing in all its life. From this tiny haven in a small forest, was a door to the most dazzling places, each one tailored to her every whim, and it is here that our story begins...

With her arms outstretched, and her eyes closed, as the cool breeze played gently with her hair and moved the grass about her feet and rippled her long skirt, Serendipity listened intently to the whispers of the wind through the rosebushes, the sound of excited insects and frogs chirping merrily. She felt the wind as it moved about her, and kissed her randomly about her face, exposed ankles and arms. She inhaled deeply and breathed in the scent of wild roses, the nearby algae scent of the pond, the smell of dirt on her nose from her crawl into her private paradise. She opened her mouth and put out her tongue to taste the breeze as it flitted by and the tiny specks of dust it blew onto it.

All of these sensations she experienced as one, and would become intensely aware of each sensation, in their own individual affectations, and yet at the same time be aware of them all about her in a sensational dream-like spiral of chaotic cacophony. As all this went on, were there another person around to see, they would have witnessed a most remarkable occurrence. For it was in this moment that her purest beauty was realized, for in that moment, she began to shine.

Shaking wildly with laughter Serendipity shone as bright as the sun with silvery tendrils of light and seemed to fade away her every cell riding along on these silver beams. Moments later, a small ribbon floated gently down to the grass, and she was gone, that ribbon the only trace that anyone had even been there at all. The ribbon landed on the grass, completely encircled by a ring of red toadstools speckled white that had not been there just a moment before.

Ribbons of light began coalescing in the otherwise dark forest illuminating the colourless trees and ground, and a loud whooshing sound accompanied it, and just barely audible over the noise was the musical trilling of joyous laughter that grew louder as the wildly rushing gales of wind died off, and the light began to spiral inward and take shape. The laughter grew louder as the light began to dim, and bit by bit little Serendipity stood in its place as it gradually faded back to the comfortable darkness that the trees were accustomed to.

Serendipity giggled raucously, clapped her hands and bounced around in delight as she took in the new sensations provided by her ears and nose and bare feet and she knew she that she had arrived. Where, she never knew, she only knew that each time it was somewhere different, and each time it was a wonderful experience, with ever changing scents and sounds and textures and tastes. 'Who needs their sight,' she would oft think, 'when there are all these other pleasures so seldom appreciated by those who still retain it.'

Once she had settled she let her senses out and gathered her bearings. There was a light breeze stirring, so she was aware that she was completely in the dark, in a thick forest, for as she listened she heard the rustle of millions of leaves overhead and they stretched out in all directions as far as her ears could perceive, and there were no detectable gaps in the sounds. She also learned that this was a very old forest, for the creaks of the ancient trees where spread apart by yards.

She walked delicately towards the nearest tree, for though she did not feel any pine needles, nor smell a pine-like scent, she knew from her experiences that it did not mean that there would not be a sharp pinecone waiting to pierce her little feet. One could not judge based solely on Earth's rules, when one travelled about to places that could not possibly exist on that solitary planet amongst the countless planets in the countless galaxies of the universe. Not to mention the dimensions!

She reached out her hand and touched it lightly and felt its bark...no, its skin, she giggled at the delightful preposterousness of it all. Who knew a tree that creaked like wood, would be made of flesh. She kept her hand lightly on the surface and walked slowly around to be sure, yes, this was a round tree made of flesh, complete with knots and branches. Fantastic, she absolutely had to know what the leaves were made of!

Before she could begin climbing up this fascinating tree she heard a faint buzz and felt something alight upon her shoulder. She moved her hand up to her shoulder to identify what had landed there. She felt two tiny hands grasp her finger and begin vigorously shaking it, and the creature on her shoulder emitted a sound not unlike an excitedly chirping squirrel, and bounced around happily upon her shoulder.

"Desire!", Serendipity exclaimed, "I just knew I'd find you here! This place is lovely! Is this the one?"

The little creature called Desire shook Serendipity's finger negatively, and chirped almost a little sadly.

"Oh, drat," she intoned softly, "that's too bad, but I'm sure we'll find it someday, meanwhile, this place is such a lovely change from the dreary place I come from, let's wander and explore a bit shall we?"

Serendipity felt Desire slip her feet promptly out from under herself and flop down rather gracelessly on her shoulder and chirp affirmatively.

` So it was that they set off, to explore this strange world where trees were made of flesh, and leaves made of, of what Serendipity did not know, nor was she as curious to find out, now that Desire had her attention.

She still wasn't fully sure what, exactly, Desire was, for the little creature wasn't always so little, but this was the form she used most around Serendipity because she had picked up on the little girl's daydreams of the Sidhe flitting merrily about throughout the Enchanted Wood of the Emerald Isle where she had found her special little rosebush haven.

The Sidhe were little folk who celebrated nature and life, and relentlessly and mischievously tormented mortal folk, especially the ones who actively set out to disbelieve their existence, but had a well-known habit of befriending little girls and boys, perhaps in an attempt to torment the mortal adults even further. Not that they ever meant any harm, they simply wanted to remind them just how fragile their existence could be if they lacked a certain amount of self-sufficiency, imagination, and didn't properly live in harmony with nature.

As they wandered, Serendipity's thoughts wandered, as they typically do, to their first meeting, and how neatly it fit to her name's meaning, for serendipitous occasions had a habit of falling into her lap on quite the regular basis.

Chapter One: Desire

On that particular day, oh so long ago, for that was when Serendipity still had her sight, and neglected her now precious senses of hearing, smell, taste, and touch, as is typical of humans, who never realize just quite how gifted they are, until one of those gifts are taken from them, Serendipity had somehow managed to become separated from her family and got lost in the woods where they were camping.

Of course, it was several hours into being lost did little Serendipity realize that she was, in fact, lost. As she frantically ran around searching for her family, and bawling huge tears of frustration she came upon something that stopped her crying immediately. So overwhelmed by curiosity at what she had just observed, she immediately forgot about being lost and went to investigate.

What that something was, was a strange music, played by odd stringed instruments, and pipes that did not sound particularly like the pipes normally played in Ireland, they were as high pitched as the pipes she was accustomed to hearing, but the performer would rarely, if indeed at all, stop for a breath! Also, she heard a drum thumping and the jingle of shells, and little bits of metal clashing together. The part that she always remembers fondest, however, was the laughter! These people, creating this strange, lovely music, were so very, very happy, and full of joy, as she, even at such a young age, had never imagined possible.

'I must find out what is going on over there!', she thought, feeling a bit like Alice, only but a few steps away from a tumble into a rabbit hole. Oh how right she was, dear reader, oh how right she was!

For as she soon discovered, after she had followed the music to its source, it was being produced by a most queer folk. A people to the likes to which she had nary seen before, yet would see again, and again, from that moment on. There was a clearing in the woods, a small, but comfortable looking grove and in this grove were three wagons decorated in a most vibrant and colourful way and decorated up with fabrics, dyed colours that little Serendipity had not know existed before.

A short distance from the wagons were six horses grazing contently in the grass, their tails swishing merrily to the sound of the music, and occasionally one would neigh loud and long, right in tune with the music, seemingly intentionally. These were not like other horses little Serendipity had seen, as they had no harnesses, nor bits, or reigns, they appeared completely content to be right where they were without the necessities of being tied up by the people they were sharing this happy camp with.

That thought stopped her short. 'The people! The ones playing that wonderful music, where are they?'

She realized that she hadn't seen them because the wagons were in the way, and she had apparently come up on the camp from behind. Being curious, and young, and innocent of the dangers prthey were, in fact, gypsies, Serendipity had learned as she was telling her story, she also learned that they preferred the term Romani,) stood collectively and gasped, and with her eyes full of tears, little Sidhe Desire floated up noiselessly to Serendipity and gently kissed her on her eyelids, her tears dripping down Serendipity's nose and cheek, and then her entire world went dark.

Her eyes did not sting, nor did they seem to be shut, but try as she might, she discovered, much to her dismay that she could no longer see. Her last sight, which was permanently burned into her memory, was Desire's tearful, loving kiss to each eye.

"What have ye done child?" the eldest Romani woman asked, Serendipity could hear the tears in her voice, "Know ye not, to ne'er make lightly an oath as such in the presence of a Sidhe on the Emerald Isle? 'Specially if ye bein' within the Enchanted Wood. Dear child, you've done it full up too, four of the magical verses ye quoted invented righ' off the top o' yer head, and rhymin' no less! Poor, poor dear, I fear ye shall ne'er see the light a' day again."

Serendipity tried to look about, and failed. She closed her eyes, and then popped them open real quick and still, failed to see. She tried opening them slowly, she tried holding them shut for 20 counts, but still, failed to see. She was not particularly distressed, however, not nearly as distressed as the Romani folk who had just taken a likin' to her, and her keen sense of sight. For what a tale she had woven! Through her words they saw themselves as they never had thought to look before, they were certain that this lovely child had the Gift of Sight, and now had, only moments after hearing her vivid recounting of their own beauty through her eyes, had that precious gift taken from her, with nary a thing could be done to reverse it.

Upon kissing Serendipity's eyes Desire began to wail, a newly wrought Bean Sidhe, not by mortal death, but by immortal vision that this child's sight had promised to offer the world, and fled. In that moment the rains begin, and did not cease for one moment until the two would meet again.

No gypsy no matter how knowledgeable in the natural arts, could reverse that spell woven by a Sidhe. Of all them, however, none took to it worse than the Sidhe, Desire. No tale more tragic was told than of that of the newborn Bean Sidhe who bawled so hard o'er that poor little girl's eyes that all of Ireland heard the wail, and all of Ireland felt the cold, year long rain that came along with her tears, and wails, and all in the country wept who heard the tale of little Serendipity, the gypsies, and Desire.

It took Serendipity and the gypsies a full year, from harvest to harvest to find the poor little Bean Sidhe Desire, and they had scoured the whole of Ireland, save the war torn parts of Northern Ireland, which begun just beyond the border of the Enchanted Wood where serendipitous occasions had provided the girl with a new family, and the newer, more precious gift, by her thoughts, of full appreciation of the senses she had never used to their full potential before. The Romani soon learned that this lovely addition to their nomadic band of vagabonds was equally as gifted at such vivid recollections through all of her senses, not merely sight, and to this precious child, the loss of one sense meant little after what she had seen that night, she was certain that she had seen more true, pure beauty in her very small time on this earth than many had seen in all their lives.