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'round my neck my collar shines:
a silver ring to Him it binds;
He teaches me and cares for me;
for Him i sit on bended knee;
lying within His powerful prescence;
it is to Him i belong in essence.
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sequestered with fright,
telling me what's right.
"this is mundane,
that is insane.
listen, you see,
this is how you should be."
i do as you say.
right every "wrong", not go astray.
quelling my nature, i must be strong,
for i know weakness is "wrong".
suppress my submissive,
it is not permissive.
i go the great length,
unveiling weakness as strength.
it is your weakness to be strong,
it is your weakness which makes it "wrong".
i see now, oh how i'm strong.
i see now, what i am is not "wrong".
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what do i seek?
is it what you see?
what i see is nothing like what you see.
whose ideal am i after?
it is my own.
my ideal framed by the fabric of you.
i can accept it as mine.
did you know i would hold high standards?
are those standards my own?
what do you seek?
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what does it take to be me? it takes courage. it takes strength. it takes an awe-inspiring prescence. it takes great trust. i choose to be vulnerable. i choose to entrust. i choose to place myself at His mercy. it takes a strong will, it takes a great mind. it takes knowing who i am inside.
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quiet sounds of outer realms; deafening whispers lie within; to be still amidst demand; to embark this journey in His hand.
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inspiration has retired, retreating to isolation.
seeds of validation fertilized and sprouting.
circumstance blooms apathia,
must find something to live for again.
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who are you?
why are you here?
can you understand?
i know who i am.
i know why i am here.
i understand.
you pry.
you "try".
you say i defy.
i open up.
i find the stirrup.
i should know the setup.
now i'm just tattered.
now i'm just bruised.
now i'm just tired of being diffused.
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for You, i crumble with awe.
for You, my world is Your law.
for You, so deeply i fall.
for You, i'm at Your beck and call.
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i finally updated my photo. hmm, me thinks the gym is a worthy cause. i just wanna be healthy. i do have g-r-e-a-t cholesterol! lol i ate vegetarian for four years and have gone back to poultry since revisiting my exercise program. i still need to incorporate yoga back in to my regimen though...one step at a time.
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timliness and chance,
lost in the great expanse.
duties take advance,
confining yearnings for a stance.
stifling liberties for now,
making way somehow.
awaiting breaking of the bough,
seeking refuge from the crowd.
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more snow?! thankfully it's warm enough that it has only rained...
i could sure use a trip. i like travelling, but not the planning it entails. i like to just get up and go.
i could use a change of scenery.
hmm, if i could get up and go now where would i go? i don't know. :| lol
where would you go?
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i finally had a good run today. the past week of running was really trying. these plateau things stink, but i made it through and i'm glad i did.
just 4 more months to make it a life change!
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not much to say right now. just checking in to see what's going on.
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my treadmil was waiting and i was watching
this neat show on the History channel about
the history of america's favorite foods, and
whamo! the signal to the tv's was lost!!! lol
folks were looking around checking to see
if it was all the tv's and not just them. lol even
i took a gander at the others around me. the
signal finally came back, but i missed out on the
pizza history. i managed to get caught up on the
hamburger craze and the fried chicken, though.
busier day than anticipated. i got no housework
done. i'm baking more cookies for tomorrow now. :)
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woohoo!!! finally, it appears I have a day of no work! :D
now i can make it to the gym at a reasonable hour.
unfortunately, i have housework to tend to so i may as
well get some of that done today...
i'm happy to say most of the snow is melted. however, it
didn't make work any easier yesterday. on a happy note,
yesterday was a decent day at work. also, my manager
let me know that i could put in my transfer request
at any time rather than waiting 8 weeks as i promised
him. :) actually, that made my day even happier yesterday.
now, i have to draft up the request and i'm thinking i
should at least wait a few weeks before turning it in to
the new office.
now, i have a treadmill waiting for me! :)
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okay, so signs were pointing to Spring....
now, I understand April brings May showers.
Is it supposed to bring snow???
I'd much rather have the showers than the snow.
Of course, this is coming from a southern born and bred gal living on the upper east coast... lol
so, does anyone know the secret to making more
time in the day??? i've had to cut into my sleep
time just to be able to make it to the gym!
i'm working on getting back into a healthier form.
it's hard to do that when work starts creeping in.
i guess it's a good thing for me the gym opens
at 4am. lol
hey, at least i have a few hours this am before i have to head to work. it gave me some time to bake cookies. baking is quite relaxing; i like
experimenting with the recipes and i love it
when i get praises on my concoctions. that
makes it all worth it to me. i like bringing
happiness to people this way. Master says it's
my way of trying to fix the world...
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all signs are pointing to spring; however,
the several feet of snow on the ground
are saying otherwise... i look forward to
wearing lighter clothes again, to leaving the
doors and windows open and letting in
the fresh air. more people will be walking
the neighborhood, some with their children,
others with pets.
it's been quite busy these days. i suppose
that could be a good thing, but i find myself
getting lost in the shuffle. i also realize
time isn't going to stand still and i have to
make the time for enjoyment...still, that
doesn't make it easy, but being aware
is at least a good sign.
is there anyone out there that can help me with a little sub 101? I seem to be having
major emotional separation issues when
Master is away for long periods of time... how do you cope???
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~
is it time, Master of mine,
to intervene in life's design?
Opportunity it seems, has risen
for me to help You in this lesson.
will You let me fade away?
will i be left to go astray?
soon i help lessen discontent
of which You feel familial malintent.
worry not, Master of mine,
so long as my collar shines,
it is You i continually serve,
with respect and love You deserve.
~
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~*~
surreality it seems these days,
realizations clearing the haze.
anxieties waning to accpetance,
am i waiting still for fate's insistance?
i will not wait and sit idle by,
while opportunities creep slowly awry.
cease them and take them as they are mine,
i cannot sit to let fate undermine.
~*~
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Feliz Navidad y Prospero Ano Nuevo!
:)
Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!
:)
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here we are again, my faithful companion. i understand why you come, but you are here uninvited. you come sharing your woe, leaving me alone - left with a craving to belong; to feel new again; to be someone spectacular; to be someone's world; to be cherished; to be craved; to be a sparkle in someone's eye; to be the very thought of a soul's existence. to be everything you perceive i am not.
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intending to see in light alone
shadows hold dear the unknown
what we know holds life as our own
aiding the fight against darkness alone
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creativity exuded in solitude
productivity superseded by gratitude
serenity embraced with fortitude
sanity temporarily attained to aptitude
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trixie be gone, stay away from me
leave me alone, please let me be
take your insanity and make believe
toss it away for you only deceive
trixie you are strong and airy and wiley
you are engulfing and speak so very slyly
your whispers are promises of my demise
ignore them i shall, i've learned to be wise
trixie to bed, time to dream your dreams
for with you i know not all is as it seems
stay calm and open my eyes to my sight
i know it is untrue against you i must fight
trixie dear friend, i do love you so
but you are no good and now you must go
your imagery beckons, the pain is so strong
unyielding, i know you can only do wrong
trixie good bye, for i know the truth
you break me to pieces bluntly, without couth
off with you now, i need no more sorrow
sight will be mine in the light of tomorrow
***************************
"trixie" is the ever powerful mind.
***************************
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Master of mine where does Your sun shine
where Your roads lead, are too far from mine
hoping each day, they lead you my way
wondering, wishing, will it be today
Master of mine, may Your state be kind
now and ever You'll be on my mind
take care dear One, for loved ones await
may i be in You, a most sacred mate
Master of mine, this desolate place
it isolates me from Your saving grace
upon Your return, i await anxiously
yearning to be ever free from solidity
Master of mine, time goes on and on
here I remain learning to be strong
waiting for a glimpse of Your beloved salvation
to be held high once again in Your affection
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the world in my mind is mine
the world in my mind is perfect
the world in my mind is senseless
the world in my mind is darkness
the world in my mind is light
the world in my mind is frantic
the world in my mind is drastic
the world in my mind is expansive
the world in my mind is elusive
the world in my mind is majestic
the world in my mind is idealistic
the world in my mind is biding time
'til the world outside is mine
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fall is here now, hibernating trees
what beauty begins the shedding of leaves
once it was thought, leaves were as life
but now truth be told, 'tis the tree which is life
leaves come and go, they are but the dressing
tree snakes it's roots deep ever progressing
cold weather withers tree's accessories
tree remains firm, in its place where it's free
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hanging on the journey
the long winding path is tiresome
sometimes wondering why
always fighting the why not
hanging on the journey
dangerously daring to want
blindly wandering the winding path
emotionally unaware of creeping why not
hanging on the journey
this ever creeping path now interweaves
why do i follow still
ever stronger grows why not
hanging on the journey
there has to be an end
there is no end in sight
perhaps i shall rest now
i see no reason why not
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grateful today for being in Master's care.
'tis only the beginning of waning despair.
Master, dear One, may the day bring sunshine.
may You find clarity in this hectic time.
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quite occupied as of late. trying to find more productive things to better my state of mind. baking helps, so i've been bringing homebaked goods in for co-workers to enjoy. comfort foods are always a crowd pleaser and i enjoy being able to give such little bit of joy of myself to others.
being on here too long clouds my mind. know thyself... i learn each and every day.
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vehemently self-defeating
avaricious self-admiration
nearsighted self-confidence
intelligible self-respect
tacit self-reliance
yielding self-sacrifice
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disparaging neurosis momentarily silenced;
onward inside thinning smokey air;
narrowing pathway facilitates doubt;
nurturing Sovereign disperses, "Need not despair."
tenderfoot pleads,"which way is home?"
Sovereign encourages,"Staunchly forward and I shall take hold."
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rising again in desolate seas.
searching, encounering needless emptiness.
murky waters reflect desparity.
must insanity toy with reality?
stepping forward toward dimly lit sky,
slipping blindly devoured by seas.
sunken treasure thy destiny be.
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enthusiasm waning;
melancholy setting;
wearily forth;
imbuing dysphoria.
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her beauty rising,
now flaming high;
her inner dwelling,
remains ever nigh.
her noble attainment,
with majestic intensity;
her hard-bitten integument,
resists ever so gallantly.
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wicked parsimonious kraken slinks dormant,
gratified now in habitat unscathed.
contented persipience lingers in this momentous gem,
drifting undergrid 'til next they meet again.
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disquieted bandit interrogates
bewitching uncertainty
postulates antiphon.
faltering, doubtful wellspring
despairs, beguiles
still hounded, surrenders.
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lugubrious haboob surrounds anima;
transcendant futility heavies the suitcase;
rest, if only for a moment.
rifling privily disempowered and bootless;
a relict of irresoluble Gordian knot;
must rest, if only for a moment.
immiscible emotion protrudes from gladstone;
seeking aid of tormented pedagogue;
time now for rest, if only for a moment.
sunken in delirium of weanling whispers;
waning susurrant voice confides within;
"come rest, now in this moment".
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i am unable to find an appropriately formal spot in the profile editing section to add my status. therefore, i shall formally state it in my journal.
i am collared.
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