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'round my neck my collar shines: a silver ring to Him it binds;
He teaches me and cares for me; for Him i sit on bended knee;
lying within His powerful prescence; it is to Him i belong in essence.
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sequestered with fright, telling me what's right. "this is mundane, that is insane. listen, you see, this is how you should be."
i do as you say. right every "wrong", not go astray. quelling my nature, i must be strong, for i know weakness is "wrong".
suppress my submissive, it is not permissive. i go the great length, unveiling weakness as strength.
it is your weakness to be strong, it is your weakness which makes it "wrong". i see now, oh how i'm strong. i see now, what i am is not "wrong".
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what do i seek? is it what you see? what i see is nothing like what you see. whose ideal am i after? it is my own. my ideal framed by the fabric of you. i can accept it as mine. did you know i would hold high standards? are those standards my own?
what do you seek?
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what does it take to be me? it takes courage. it takes strength. it takes an awe-inspiring prescence. it takes great trust. i choose to be vulnerable. i choose to entrust. i choose to place myself at His mercy. it takes a strong will, it takes a great mind. it takes knowing who i am inside.
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quiet sounds of outer realms; deafening whispers lie within; to be still amidst demand; to embark this journey in His hand.
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inspiration has retired, retreating to isolation. seeds of validation fertilized and sprouting. circumstance blooms apathia, must find something to live for again.
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who are you? why are you here? can you understand?
i know who i am. i know why i am here. i understand.
you pry. you "try". you say i defy.
i open up. i find the stirrup. i should know the setup.
now i'm just tattered. now i'm just bruised. now i'm just tired of being diffused.
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for You, i crumble with awe. for You, my world is Your law. for You, so deeply i fall. for You, i'm at Your beck and call.
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i finally updated my photo. hmm, me thinks the gym is a worthy cause. i just wanna be healthy. i do have g-r-e-a-t cholesterol! lol i ate vegetarian for four years and have gone back to poultry since revisiting my exercise program. i still need to incorporate yoga back in to my regimen though...one step at a time.
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timliness and chance, lost in the great expanse. duties take advance, confining yearnings for a stance.
stifling liberties for now, making way somehow. awaiting breaking of the bough, seeking refuge from the crowd.
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more snow?! thankfully it's warm enough that it has only rained...
i could sure use a trip. i like travelling, but not the planning it entails. i like to just get up and go. i could use a change of scenery.
hmm, if i could get up and go now where would i go? i don't know. :| lol
where would you go?
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i finally had a good run today. the past week of running was really trying. these plateau things stink, but i made it through and i'm glad i did.
just 4 more months to make it a life change!
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not much to say right now. just checking in to see what's going on.
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my treadmil was waiting and i was watching this neat show on the History channel about the history of america's favorite foods, and whamo! the signal to the tv's was lost!!! lol folks were looking around checking to see if it was all the tv's and not just them. lol even i took a gander at the others around me. the signal finally came back, but i missed out on the pizza history. i managed to get caught up on the hamburger craze and the fried chicken, though.
busier day than anticipated. i got no housework done. i'm baking more cookies for tomorrow now. :)
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woohoo!!! finally, it appears I have a day of no work! :D now i can make it to the gym at a reasonable hour. unfortunately, i have housework to tend to so i may as well get some of that done today...
i'm happy to say most of the snow is melted. however, it didn't make work any easier yesterday. on a happy note, yesterday was a decent day at work. also, my manager let me know that i could put in my transfer request at any time rather than waiting 8 weeks as i promised him. :) actually, that made my day even happier yesterday. now, i have to draft up the request and i'm thinking i should at least wait a few weeks before turning it in to the new office.
now, i have a treadmill waiting for me! :)
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okay, so signs were pointing to Spring.... now, I understand April brings May showers. Is it supposed to bring snow??? I'd much rather have the showers than the snow. Of course, this is coming from a southern born and bred gal living on the upper east coast... lol
so, does anyone know the secret to making more time in the day??? i've had to cut into my sleep time just to be able to make it to the gym! i'm working on getting back into a healthier form. it's hard to do that when work starts creeping in. i guess it's a good thing for me the gym opens at 4am. lol
hey, at least i have a few hours this am before i have to head to work. it gave me some time to bake cookies. baking is quite relaxing; i like experimenting with the recipes and i love it when i get praises on my concoctions. that makes it all worth it to me. i like bringing happiness to people this way. Master says it's my way of trying to fix the world...
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all signs are pointing to spring; however, the several feet of snow on the ground are saying otherwise... i look forward to wearing lighter clothes again, to leaving the doors and windows open and letting in the fresh air. more people will be walking the neighborhood, some with their children, others with pets.
it's been quite busy these days. i suppose that could be a good thing, but i find myself getting lost in the shuffle. i also realize time isn't going to stand still and i have to make the time for enjoyment...still, that doesn't make it easy, but being aware is at least a good sign.
is there anyone out there that can help me with a little sub 101? I seem to be having major emotional separation issues when Master is away for long periods of time... how do you cope???
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~ is it time, Master of mine, to intervene in life's design? Opportunity it seems, has risen for me to help You in this lesson. will You let me fade away? will i be left to go astray? soon i help lessen discontent of which You feel familial malintent. worry not, Master of mine, so long as my collar shines, it is You i continually serve, with respect and love You deserve. ~
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~*~ surreality it seems these days, realizations clearing the haze. anxieties waning to accpetance, am i waiting still for fate's insistance? i will not wait and sit idle by, while opportunities creep slowly awry. cease them and take them as they are mine, i cannot sit to let fate undermine. ~*~
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Feliz Navidad y Prospero Ano Nuevo! :)
Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year! :)
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here we are again, my faithful companion. i understand why you come, but you are here uninvited. you come sharing your woe, leaving me alone - left with a craving to belong; to feel new again; to be someone spectacular; to be someone's world; to be cherished; to be craved; to be a sparkle in someone's eye; to be the very thought of a soul's existence. to be everything you perceive i am not.
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intending to see in light alone shadows hold dear the unknown what we know holds life as our own aiding the fight against darkness alone
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creativity exuded in solitude
productivity superseded by gratitude
serenity embraced with fortitude
sanity temporarily attained to aptitude
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trixie be gone, stay away from me leave me alone, please let me be take your insanity and make believe toss it away for you only deceive
trixie you are strong and airy and wiley you are engulfing and speak so very slyly your whispers are promises of my demise ignore them i shall, i've learned to be wise
trixie to bed, time to dream your dreams for with you i know not all is as it seems stay calm and open my eyes to my sight i know it is untrue against you i must fight
trixie dear friend, i do love you so but you are no good and now you must go your imagery beckons, the pain is so strong unyielding, i know you can only do wrong
trixie good bye, for i know the truth you break me to pieces bluntly, without couth off with you now, i need no more sorrow sight will be mine in the light of tomorrow
*************************** "trixie" is the ever powerful mind. ***************************
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Master of mine where does Your sun shine where Your roads lead, are too far from mine hoping each day, they lead you my way wondering, wishing, will it be today
Master of mine, may Your state be kind now and ever You'll be on my mind take care dear One, for loved ones await may i be in You, a most sacred mate
Master of mine, this desolate place it isolates me from Your saving grace upon Your return, i await anxiously yearning to be ever free from solidity
Master of mine, time goes on and on here I remain learning to be strong waiting for a glimpse of Your beloved salvation to be held high once again in Your affection
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the world in my mind is mine the world in my mind is perfect the world in my mind is senseless the world in my mind is darkness the world in my mind is light the world in my mind is frantic the world in my mind is drastic the world in my mind is expansive the world in my mind is elusive the world in my mind is majestic the world in my mind is idealistic the world in my mind is biding time 'til the world outside is mine
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fall is here now, hibernating trees what beauty begins the shedding of leaves once it was thought, leaves were as life but now truth be told, 'tis the tree which is life leaves come and go, they are but the dressing tree snakes it's roots deep ever progressing cold weather withers tree's accessories tree remains firm, in its place where it's free
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hanging on the journey the long winding path is tiresome sometimes wondering why always fighting the why not
hanging on the journey dangerously daring to want blindly wandering the winding path emotionally unaware of creeping why not
hanging on the journey this ever creeping path now interweaves why do i follow still ever stronger grows why not
hanging on the journey there has to be an end there is no end in sight perhaps i shall rest now i see no reason why not
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grateful today for being in Master's care. 'tis only the beginning of waning despair. Master, dear One, may the day bring sunshine. may You find clarity in this hectic time.
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quite occupied as of late. trying to find more productive things to better my state of mind. baking helps, so i've been bringing homebaked goods in for co-workers to enjoy. comfort foods are always a crowd pleaser and i enjoy being able to give such little bit of joy of myself to others.
being on here too long clouds my mind. know thyself... i learn each and every day.
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vehemently self-defeating avaricious self-admiration nearsighted self-confidence intelligible self-respect tacit self-reliance yielding self-sacrifice
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disparaging neurosis momentarily silenced; onward inside thinning smokey air; narrowing pathway facilitates doubt; nurturing Sovereign disperses, "Need not despair."
tenderfoot pleads,"which way is home?" Sovereign encourages,"Staunchly forward and I shall take hold."
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rising again in desolate seas. searching, encounering needless emptiness. murky waters reflect desparity. must insanity toy with reality? stepping forward toward dimly lit sky, slipping blindly devoured by seas. sunken treasure thy destiny be.
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enthusiasm waning; melancholy setting; wearily forth; imbuing dysphoria.
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her beauty rising, now flaming high; her inner dwelling, remains ever nigh.
her noble attainment, with majestic intensity; her hard-bitten integument, resists ever so gallantly.
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wicked parsimonious kraken slinks dormant, gratified now in habitat unscathed.
contented persipience lingers in this momentous gem, drifting undergrid 'til next they meet again.
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disquieted bandit interrogates bewitching uncertainty postulates antiphon.
faltering, doubtful wellspring despairs, beguiles still hounded, surrenders.
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lugubrious haboob surrounds anima; transcendant futility heavies the suitcase; rest, if only for a moment.
rifling privily disempowered and bootless; a relict of irresoluble Gordian knot; must rest, if only for a moment.
immiscible emotion protrudes from gladstone; seeking aid of tormented pedagogue; time now for rest, if only for a moment.
sunken in delirium of weanling whispers; waning susurrant voice confides within; "come rest, now in this moment".
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i am unable to find an appropriately formal spot in the profile editing section to add my status. therefore, i shall formally state it in my journal.
i am collared.
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