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slo18

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Friends:
acuteenigmawichitakscoupleSeekerOfDesireasswideopendomjg
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Im not looking. i am collared. this stupid sitedemands 150 characters to say i am off the market. hopefully i will be off the market for a while, between spam, bots, dom-a-bes, incells, and sub men who try to make a domme out of a sub, its a pain to be lookong.

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3/7/2015 5:12:15 PM
Hmm, wow i anoyed you, because i disagreed with you, because i gave you every opportunity to drop the subject we agreed to disagree on, but refused to let you have the last word? Or was it because i turned your attempts to insult me back on you? cant take what you want to dish out. I wont message you again you cant message me. But acording to flame war rules i won. you Conceed defeate when u refuse to argue by refusing to speek to the person. Its the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ear and saying lalalala im not listening

4/11/2014 12:52:02 AM

 i  dumped my long term fb   a few weeks ago.  at first i was angry. he hurt me emotionally.  my friends keep saying that he will message me  that he will come back, but i know he wont. because this time I dumped HIM.  instead of him dumping me. his pride wont let him  ask me to take him back.   I keep telling my friends even if he did come and ask me to take him back i wouldn't.  he hurts me too much.  every  year  for the last  six, he has managed to pick a massive fight  and come up with a reason to stop seeing me.  this time i  decided i would be the one to end it.   two break ups ago,  he dumped me because i  committed an act of self harm in a weak moment , he claimed  that it showed  i didn't respect him, or his feelings about anything.   till that point in time i considered him a friend  on as well as an fb.  that  made me see something,  that even after 4 years of seeing each other,  and being there though his marriage,  and then though the divorce, all those years of listening to him  talk about  his ex,  and his child, and his job, and his parents and his brother,  meant nothing to him.   he abandoned me when i  was hurting,  and proved to me that while i had considered him a friend,  he didn't consider me one.   it took me two more years to categorize him from  friend to  fuck.  he didnt notice  that i shared less and less while seeing him.   he didn't notice  that i stopped texting him randomly to see how he was doing, i stopped baking for him.  i stopped doing  the little things i do when i care.     and  so when the last fight happened,  it was the last fight.   i am done with him.    i was angry for a little while.  now i am not angry,   just tired  of trying to explan to my friends  why he wont be back.  and tired of  still giving a shit. 


3/7/2013 2:46:00 PM
They say grave yards are full of discarded and dead dreams. What if u never dreamed?

2/15/2013 4:12:38 PM
I used to wear my pain on my skin,but they took my knives away. I used to cry it out at night but they told me I was looking for attetion. I tried to talk and they told me I was whineing, I asked for help and they told me to toughen up. So. I stoped talking, I stopped asking for help, I stoped crying it out and I stopped bleeding it out. Now it fills me with no outlet and the more I try to be happy and normal the worse I feel. I clean my house I go to the gym I spend time with my dogs and my friends and I smile. The only outlet I have is karaoke singing out my sorrow in other peoples words till tears drip from my eyes on stage, that no one notices.

12/16/2012 1:13:52 PM
Yeah I think I'm moving into the spare room. He wants a sexless marrage he's gonna get one. Fuck him and his nonfucking ways.

11/26/2012 6:28:23 PM
Ugh I'm so out of shape ten min of yoga actualy got my heart rate up.

11/4/2012 10:31:02 PM
Cucumber: check Full name: Cheak Birthday: cheak Freezer: cheak Impotance on its way. Never piss off a witch

10/22/2012 11:28:05 PM

 so i got  a call Friday   from my ex Doms  number.  we are trying to be friends,  anyway  its my ex Doms girl friend.  she was calling because she thought i should know he is in the hospital.  apparently  he had pneumonia  and then had a heart attack.  he was sedated and totaly under due to a breathing tube. at least that's what she told me.    how ever she didn't seem like the brightest bulb  so i don't know how accurate that information is.  i hope he recovers. i hope he doesn't die. 


10/12/2012 12:41:53 AM

 i seem to recall a spell called the call me spell, i wonder if it would work on  him.  thats so pathetic


10/10/2012 9:51:28 PM
I'm broken. I know this. I don't need or want someone to glue me back together. Even if they did I would never be whole I would be cracked and have week spots. Don't put me together try to figure out what can be done with what's left

10/9/2012 10:00:34 AM

aaron dumped me last night.  said  i obviously didnt respect myself or his wishes.  i am a cutter. i was in recovery i fell off the recovery wagon. i told him hoping that he would understand and   i was wrong. he cant handle it.  he wont even see me.  just said to leave his key in his mail box.  i cant even make myself feel angry right now. all i feel is hurt and and abandoned  and alone and stupid stupid stupid. i  should have listened to my  gut  and  not said anything  should have not told him  but i thought he would be understanding and i was wrong.  from a psycological perspective, he did the worst thing you can do to a cutter.   he broke my trust, leaving me feeling like i cant trust myself. 


9/13/2012 9:04:30 PM

another long day of nothing.  325 mg of nytol and i hope to god i can get to sleep befor  it gets to late. maybe tomarrow will be better.


8/31/2012 1:46:50 PM

 I envy Nuns.   now don't get confused, i don't want to be one. i don't even believe in the same god they do.  but i envy the facade they create  of calm and acceptance and peace.  and i say  facade because i know enough nuns to know they don't always feel that way. that they have  days  weeks and months of emotional pain dealing with the separation from the world.  and there own emotional hurts from there lives  and even more so from there own guilt.  lets be honest  Catholics are raised to feel guilt. it is a huge motivating factor in the religion.  we are told in church,  how Jesus suffered died and was buried for our sins.  and we are confronted from every angle of images of his suffering. the pain and agony of his  crucifiction  and i cant help but think how being in a convent couldn't help that guilt. depending on the order of  nun you might be a cloistered nun forbidden to speak other then prayers  forbidden to be part of the outside world  lost from contact and human   companionship (not sex but a simple hug)   i know i couldn't live that life. but i envy them  there willingness to give it up  to serve  there lord. to have the conviction that all the suffering and emotional pain is worth it. when i was  young   i did give thought to the convent.   when i thought about it i  always had a nice feeling of  peace around the idea.  if i had i would have joined a cloistered order. it would have been the only way it could have worked for me. i know my faults. i  desire things and i love sex, and the only way i could have been happy is if things were totally removed.  i am glad i did not  join a convent.  i am glad i left the catholic faith.   i  found a faith  that i could truely believe in one that is not based on guilt.   but the  guilt instilled in me  at a young age still haunts me.    and i want everyone to know  that i   know that not everyones experince of  catholisim is the same as mine. i am sure there are those that did not get raised with the ingrained hell of knowing no matter what you do you will never be worthy of his sacrafice. but that was my experince of  the oldest surviving christian religion. 


8/17/2012 12:12:10 AM

 i Broke things off with my former Master.  he lived far away, we fought a lot,  he wanted me to leave my husband and while he had agreed not to push me to that, he made it very clear that he wanted  that. it hurt to end things. but it needed to be done.   he said i betrayed him  by breaking up with him.   breaking up with someone is not a betrayal.   a betrayal is  fucking someone behind someone else's back.  there is no one else that i want as my Master but him as my Master was bad for me  horrible for my mental health.   his last words to me  where  good bye you  selfish peace of human garbage.  it may be selfish to want to be happy  but that does not make me garbage. and i wish him well  despite  this. god i want my knife. and now there's no one to tell me no.  i feel like scum but i will heal and when i do i will look again and find someone new.


8/15/2012 12:12:51 PM

 i am still here, still married  still in Wichita.  been a tough year for me emotionally. my depression got the best of me a few times. yeah i edited this just in case


10/7/2011 1:40:35 AM

 still as anyone watching can tell, not sleeping well. i am gonna have to get up at ten   and its 20 till 4 right now.  i dont know why i cant sleep. there were a few nights when i did get to sleep befor two but now it seems back to four.     i have to drive to the family homestead tomarrow in my pos. i am hoping to god that my car doesnt break down.     my dad is gonna put new breaks on my car.  but  i cant help but think its not worth it. not really. the wear and tear on my car may kill it.   course as ryan says,  if it breaks down at least you will be pointed toward your mechanic ( my dad)  thankfully my mom will be following me  close behind in her truck.  so i wont be stranded. unless of course it dies on the way home. there is a reason and  in my opnion a very good one for why i do not drive my car outside of town.  its old, its beat up,  the engine rattles, and  theres a whine.  i am tefforfied the engiine will blow.

 


9/26/2011 12:31:06 AM
My younger brother is going to be a daddy. Im happy for him but im envious and i fell terrible because of it. Odds of me having a baby r slim to none. And this just reminds me of that. I love my neice and nephews and will love this new adition to the family . But right now it hurts

9/16/2011 12:57:42 AM

Well so much for trying to get to bed at decent ( for me) hour. i just saw my first drive by shooting.   called the  cops.  was very impressed with there arrival time  less then three min from when i hung up to when they arrived. i gave my statment. offered coffee witch of course theyt runed down  but its always good to offer.   and am now wathing them. aparently the perp was firing a shot gun because that is the kind of casing they found.  thank god they were shooting   east instead of west or they may have hit me.


9/12/2011 11:53:51 PM

 ok i am a sexual submissive, right,  least i think i am, i  have a very hard time  enjoying sex where i am not in the submissive role.  actually an impossible time.   to the point that afterward i  have found myself shaking,  feeling  puky, cold, and very full of self loathing. and through out it all all i can say is that he was too nice.   that doesn't mean that a man cant be nice to me or even  have  slow gentle sex with me,  but  if he forces me to be the one in charge i dont react well. 

 i can be submissive outside of the bedroom  with some men, but not all.  and even if i am with someone who i do feel submissive with   out side of sex  there are just some things that  are the way they are.  and my feet just dig in, and no amount of  stink eye  is gonna  get me to let up.  i cant list what those things are  because  well most of them have to do with my marriage  so  arnt that applicable here. but one that is applicable,  I  dont get on top. i hate it, i  am not comfortable physicaly or  emotionaly being on top.    i just wont do it, you can ask, you can yell you can demand you can threaten, you can  slap,  and you still wont get me to be on top. its just wrong.


8/28/2011 11:22:15 PM

 Sigh, so right now i am feeling fairly helpless.  as my husband points out  even if the nut job is responsible  what can i do with that info?    i  wont get my job back,  i cant rat her out with out opening myself up  to a massive backlash.   and i cant afford to bring a suite against her for harassment .  i hate this i hate feeling helpless and   with out options.  i feel fenced in and useless  and cornered  and i just  want to hit something


8/27/2011 11:03:58 AM

I  got fired yesterday.  only had the job for three weeks. i liked it, i thought i was doing well i was finaly getting the paper work down it was nice to  get up and know you had something to do .  i went in expecting to work  on friday,  and  was pulled into the office and told that there had been two customer complaints made to corprate.  i was told that if they hadent been made to corprate or if i was past my  30 days of probation  i  would still be  there.  someone had said i was  short with them  and  i can see that happening  there was a day i was compleatly frazzled,  i had worked by myself the entire shift,  and we had gotten slammed and i hadent had a single break.  i  had sold  1660 odd dollars in goods in a four hour span of time.  so i can see myself  being a little short with someone at the end of the day  the other complaint i just cant imagine me  ever doing.   i would never comment on someones husband  sure as shit not while they were in the store. i have always been  carefull to not comment on anyone in the store  while there was another guesst in the store at all.  i liked that job. i find it funny though that  my dear friend deb  and i  are talking and she  decideds  that  the nutjob from the previous two entries is responcable.   i  dont know  my former boss said that she wasnt told  who had complaigned.   but it wouldent take much.  there are alot of big and tall men in the lifestyle so i hadent kept it a secret that i was working in the only big and tall store in the city.  she   knows my first name and with that  she wouldent have to  know when i worked.  sigh 


8/14/2011 12:52:25 PM

 well now that i have the back ground out of the way    here is the latest  emails from the nut job,   i got thease earlier this week. 

 

 

wichita_slut: 1 hour ago | new

you have one day to fix the mess you've made. you need to first tell whomever it was you lied to in wichita about me stating that i have a master or protector in wichita. i do not and have not in over 2 yrs. number two, if i hear one more thing coming from you - i can assure you that you will not be allowed back on this site ever again. i have emails and messages from all over wichita adn surrounding citites... stating that you are running your fat mouth. you are a liar and a very unhealthy person.

one day.

slo18: 13 minutes ago
DeeDee, you are not the center of my universe. i have more important shit to do then talk about you . i dont talk about you because your not important. if people are talking about the crap you have pulled thats your own fault for doing it.


wichita_slut: 2 hours ago
i don't care to be the center of your universe. i have messages and emails from friends that show where you have warned them about being friends with me. i also have from a very trusted source you told a friend of mine that i was calling him my protector.... just fix it.

you have less than 24 hours.


wichita_slut: 29 minutes ago
slo, please just delete the conversation. i have kept my mouth closed for weeks while you girls have contacted my friends and insulted me. i have messages from new friends on my list that said you threatened to remove them from your list of friends if they were friends with me.

everyone deserves to have friends. i have never contacted the men on your list and warned them about you. i was shocked when a friend of mine messaged me about me saying he was my protector. my protector was posted on my profile until one of you contacted him as well.

i can play the same game as you girls but i don't want to be that way towards anyone. i even messaged you when the last guy said you threatened to delete him if he was friends with me. i read the message and messaged you myself. if you have something to say, then go ahead and say it again. to me. but stop the backstabbing and pretending that you have not done so. neither of us are that stupid.



8/14/2011 12:13:26 AM

 ok for the last few months i have been dealing with some nut job.   i wont be saying her name  but she is local to me.   she has sent me emails confronted me at one munch  and in a bar.   notice here i am saying me,   while there are other people involved  but i  am not talking about them  and how they see things, so this is all from me. and will no doubt ramble, as my blogs post tend to do. 

 

 anyways its always best to start from the begining.    a friend of mine and i  were both seeing the same man,  i had been playing with him for a few months  and things had gone well. and my friend had said she wanted to get back into the lifestyle so i  thought it would be a good thing to introduce them because he was a  good play mate to me. things went well and she began seeing him on a more formal basis  eventualy accepting his collar,  at the same time   i was still seeing him just as a play partner. well  the nut job heard that  my friend had been collared by him  and because he had refused to collar the nut job this sent her off the deep end.  she had aparently been harassing him  calling his cell, his home and his work, my play partner was married as so many are  and that of course means that descression is nessesary.   this nut job was threatening to tell his wife.  ok  doesnt involve me and i had no idea about it  till just  a few hours befor  a munch my female friend receives an email from someone she doesnt know  telling her all about her Master  and how he is a lier and a cheater  and all this other stuff.  anyway  she was very insulting and confrontational about this  purposly trying to be hurtfull.  so  i was pissed when i went to the munch.  and worst of all the nutter had  said she was going to attend the munch my friend had asked me to keep an eye out for her.   and  wonder of wonders guess who starts talking to me while i was outside smoking at the munch practicly qouting  the  email  that my femail friend had reseived,  when  i went inside i did what a friend does and told my friend wno sne was. my friend  spoke to her breifly the exchange was understandably not pleasent  but there wasnt any yelling or screaming or violence. just basicly a  dont ever message me again i dont give  a rats  ass what you have to say.   and that i thought was the end of it. should have been the end of it.  but   no.  the nut job starts    emailing me  saying i am an instagater. (  she started it by emailing)  and  saying  that i was a big moutned bitch who needed to keep her mouth shut and that i  talked to much and ate to much, said  that i was a slut (  well yeah i own up to that lol)     claimed that i had  pulled a bare back train in a hotel room  and  was  low class. ( i always insist on condoms anyone  who has been with me can tell you that though i have done orgies and gang bangs )  she insulted me  called me names  and  basicly  threatened to out me.   at this time i  was pissed.  i started doing some digging, i got her real name, i   googled her   i found out she had a criminal record for drug charges.  i found out that she was living in section 8 housing had no job.  all kinds of things,  and when i replied to her  i called her out on her shirt. and pointed out that she started it.  and that i  owned up to all my things, that yeah i fucked a lot of men, but  i always  tested clean and that i always insisted on condoms, and yeah there is pics and video of me  at thease parties,  and that was because i wasnt ashamed of it.  and that   yes i did have a reputation, a reputation as an honest upfront person who likes sex. unlike her i had found out that there were other men  whome she had threatened to out, that there were other women she had made missrable,  and so i called her on it i told her   she had a bad reputation as someone who couldent be trusted to keep confidentatlity   and that it was getting around.   anways  things just keep going, i  enventualy block her.  but  then i find out  that she has made threats against me and my female friend  saying that her protector was going to come  and  "take care" of us.  well  i got a good discription  of him and  found out that hey hang on  this is someone  that i  know though someone.  i askedthe person  knew who knew him  to find out if he was her protecter and he said no.    and then is ee that one of the men i have slept with  had started talking to her.  now i dont know about you  but if myf riends know someone i am interested in is bad new i would hope to god they told me  so i did  what i  would want my friends to do, i told him  i told him to talk to  one of the men she had threatened, someone that he knew,  and  he  asked me  why  and   i told him why.  and now she is acusing me  of talking to ALL of her frineds   and telling them about her.  well i told two people, who were both my frineds first.   that is a far cry from ALL of her friends.    she is also threatening to try and have me kicked o.    fuck her i have reported her.  but it pisses me off  and now i am kinda  worried  because  she may show up at a nother munch. and  i smoke and so does she sooner or latter    we will run into each other.  she tries to claim i have a bad reputation.    that i know isnt true. i have never fucked over a fuck. i have always respected there privacy  and when things were done they were done, i  disapeared when asked  and   offered to stay friends if that was what they wanted.    but i always respected there wishes.  witch is a hell of a lot more then she ever did.      i have friends in the lifestyle,  i  am friendly  and while i  am not well known, or famus  or anything like that. but damn it the people that do know me like me.   she is threatening to  tell my friends about this situation,  shrugs oh well let her lol.  they wont  beleive her because they know me.   but anyway  let this be a cautionary tale friends and readers  there are nut jobs out there and they effect not just the person who fucks them.  

 


8/8/2011 9:20:43 PM

So i finaly found a job, and i am liking it very much. its only part time  but i am ok with that  as i  havent worked in nearly two years  and its a good way to ease into  it. i think i am doing ok. i made my first sale today. i rather enjoyed it.   also amusing  one of our guests came in with his father  to  buy a shirt  and pants for a funural that he was  the presiding paster for,  he brought his father  who was also a pastor.  his father was born in 1918.  a very nice man but it was kinda disconcerting for me  to  be engaged in a conversation about relgion  while  on the job.  when i have worked with the public i have always been careful not to discuss my relgion with them.  so when he asked me what i beleived i  said i was raised catholic,  not a lie. i was raised catholic.  but when he told me  that he  had been for 50 plus years the paster of a chruch  whos moto is " where the bible speeks we speek ( and where it is silent we are silent)"   i didnt think it would be a good idea to tell him i was a witch lol.  he might have tried to stone me  in the store! lol.    but over all i enjoyed the conversation as he was a very pleasent man   and it was nice to entertain  a guest  and  not listen to training for a little while. 


8/1/2011 9:43:24 PM

 well i have had severl nice seeming men  message me in the last few days, i have given them  my yahoo id but very  few of them have continued  to message me.  its kinda sad  cause i know at least two of them  seemed to be  what i was interested in. i have made it a point to be  visable to them on yahoo but i guess they arnt intrested.  :( 


7/15/2011 7:32:30 PM

31st birthday has come and gone.  i dont know what to do now.  mr GD has been forced out of the life by a psyco sub  and is no longer playing with anyone.   i hurt  a little less each day.  i need to start looking for  a new play partner. maybe someone sadistic  gd was a sadist, but he played at my level  pushing my pain tolernce levels   and respecting  my  limits,  he would flog me till i cryed and screamed  when i asked him too. sometimes i need that.   but after he would hold me and tell me i made him proud  and kiss me and make me feel  good and happy about  how  well i had done.   that made it worth all the pain


7/3/2011 8:49:00 AM

 was it all a lie?    every time you looked into my eyes and said i was beutifull was that a lie?    i know they are hurting  and there hurt   is worse then mine  i am sure  but  damn it i hurt too!   and i  cant feel there pain i just feel my own.    i cried last night,  my anger could only keep me safe so long.  and now that its fading  all i have left is the pain. 


6/18/2011 5:12:16 PM

so its been a while since i  updated my jornal.  thats mostly because nothing has really changed. i have been seeing a GREAT DOMINANT  but last month or so my head has been in a bad place for the rough  play that he enjoys and enjoy engaging in with him.  i have been on two diffrent anti depressents  since my last post. neither have worked. i am  getting ready to start on a third one lexapro,  i keep hoping something will help.  my husband is still in theripy for his depression and anger issues but i am seeing no  change.   to those asking why i am not in theripy  its simply  that theripy  in the past has never helped with my depression.   i was in theripy for years  and it made no diffrince.  the only thing that did was welbutrin  but  welbutrin made me see clowns that wernt there so i had to come off it.  and not even happy fun ha ha clowns nooo i got see  creepy sharp toothed   cowboy clowns   with guns stare at me from down the hall.    so i firmly beleive that my depression is not a thinking problem  but rather a chemical issue.  i work very hard  to if not be positive at least not focus on how  things could be worse. i try  hard to tell myself that things will get better,  that  the worst will pass and things will get better. its hard sometimes  but  i think it helps.  i have fallen off the cutting wagon more times then i can think.  and playing  with  the G.D.  mentioned above helps  short term  but i crash two days later and i cant see him regularly enough to  keep up and out of that deep crash.  still no baby thank god.  but my 31st birthday is next month  and    my clock is going off even harder then it has been. still no job even though i apply online  every day   for severl  jobs a day. no one ever calls back.  my friends tell me they  get a call back  one out of twenty aplications and i  get so frustrated cause  i dont even get that kind of responce.    wish i could talk ryan into letting me do porn.


1/14/2011 10:01:07 AM

so how much does it cost to get your tubes tied?  i cant have a baby  i cant raise a child in this environment.   ryan would love that child with everything in him  but   i cant subject a child to his fits of temper.  i  as an adult know he isnt yelling at me when he yells just that he is yelling for the sake of yelling  to get  the emotion out.  but a child could never distinguish that  sometimes i have trouble doing so.   and even knowing that he isnt mad at me just mad  it still hurts me.   and a child doesn't deserve that.   and what  does such behavior  teach a child anyway?  that its acceptable to yell just to yell?   that its ok to make others feel bad  over and over again as long as you apologize for it ?     i dont know,. but i know that as much as i want ryans child  i  equally do not want a child.  


10/20/2010 3:20:18 PM

I see thease shows  on evangilcal chroistans  and i am disturbed.  i  see children raised entirly in the home,  home schooled, home chruched whos only contact with  people who are diffrent then  they are is though the hooror stories of the preacher.  i see children  being tought that dinosaurs  and humans lived side by side, that the bible speaks of dinosaurs when  in job chapter 40 vrs 15 tit speaks of the behomath  a creatcure that eats grass and has a thick tail. i see  christian pastors  telling people how to vote, i see    so much fear and hate in  the evangilical christian faith  that it scares me.  they are the minority claiming to be the majority  they are  a loud minority  and they fool people into thinking they are the majority. i see people like the phelps  who it shames me to say are from my home state and i weep.   may what ever god or goddess or great spirit or devine ententaty you beleive in protect us all.   and  for you aithests,   do me a favor keep up the good work showing people that morality and religion do not have to go hand in hand




10/14/2010 11:34:53 PM
my beloved husband has finaly cought on and it only took three years . if there is something that bothers him, instead of bitching, yelling makeing me missrable about something that obviously either doesnt bother me, or that i havent had time to take care of yet, hes finaly listening when i tell him to take care of it himself. he actualy cleaned the kitchen when i hadent gotten to it, i had done laundry, mowed the lawn, cleaned the liveing room and groomed rabbits that day and was just to tired after cooking dinner to clean up befor going to bed. and he cleaned it for me the next morning. it was so so so very nice . i hope it sticks.

10/10/2010 8:03:21 PM
so i am watching sister wives, and i am flabbergasted when the husband says "the vulgarity of the idea of you with two husbands or another husband sickens me, it seems wrong uh, to god and nature. i understand it seems hypocritical i understand that" i will say that it doesnt just SEEM hypocritical, it IS hypocritical. that he is sooo insecure that he cant even adress the thought of one of his wife with someone else. i am not saying he has to come to the conclusion that he is comfortable with it or ok with it, or that he wants it. becuase she didnt say she wanted it, she was just trying to point out that what he cant even think about is actualy a day to day part of her life.

10/1/2010 4:40:13 PM
soo very bored, i applied for jobs, cleaned my house called a few companies that i had apps in at. went to four diffrent stores looking for something that i cant afford even if i find it, just to kill time. its not even late enough for me to start makeing dinner well thats not quite true, i have meat marinading in woshtishire sauce and wine and potatos peeled but its still two hours till hubby gets home. sigh so bored

9/20/2010 10:02:04 PM
hmmm why do people assume that fat people are slobs? i keep a very clean house, and keep myself very clean. i shower every day. sometimes twice a day if i have been doing strenuous sweaty work. like tearing apart a wall and rehanging a pocket door that my husband broke. i dont sit around the house all day doing nothing. i go out in the mornings and get aplications, and drop of the ones i have filled out. i clean my house i fill out applications, i cook dinner for my husband. yes i am online most of that time but thats because it takes almost no effort to talk to people though messenger. and yes i get bored. it doesn't take much thought to clean a house or fill out an application, not after you filled out literally hundreds in the past nine months. i just dont get some people here. why send me mean messaged. whats the point. what joy do you get out of it. are you really that sad and pathetic with in your own selves that you have to try and hurt others. i feel sad for those people that have nothing better to do then try to hurt other people.

9/11/2010 11:09:16 PM
bee\n a while, things havent been so great here. hubby and i have been fighting alot because of money related stress. i still cant find a job. i am stressed and depressed and having a hard time dealing with it. as i said hubby and i have been fighting its more acurate to say that hubby has been yelling and i have been crying and sad and thinking thoughts about leaving. i know it isnt what i really want but running away sounds really good some days

8/9/2010 10:35:42 PM
apparently my jornal entry from the 3rd ruffled a few feathers. i have gotten so far two hate emials. i wasnt even hateful. and you twig people decide to be cruel and just prove yet again how insecure and mean people can be when they are starving. go eat a sandwich and kiss my FAT WHITE ASS. LOL cowards cant even read the replies to your trash hate mail

8/7/2010 8:28:17 PM
She's the One by Ladymage Samiko (not mine in any way shape or form not even in the form of fan fiction, but it makes me think of my husband) He heard her voice coming through the darkness, calling to him. He followed it gladly, having waited nearly twenty years to hear it again. This was the reason he had not feared death itself, only fearing that eternity would be spent in regions far removed from her, which would be hell enough. But, miraculously, he had earned his reward. Lily... Another voice speared through the void. Severus! No siren's call, this. A raw shriek, filled with incalculable grief. Something he recognized intimately. Severus paused. And turned back. Lily might call for him, wait for him, but Hermione... Hermione needed him. AN: This was inspired by "She's the One", a song by World Party. originally scribed: 9/11/07

8/6/2010 9:14:27 PM
dont stick your quill in company ink, dont do it, no matter how much you might want to just dont do it. doesnt matter if he seems perfect, dont do it, doesnt matter if hes freaking adrian paul, dont do it. no matter what no matter how sexy or fun or hot or kinky he is, just dont do it.

8/3/2010 10:56:17 PM
i recognize that my last blog post doesnt portray me in the best light, let me just say venting here keeps me from venting in person and hurting the people involved. i told the man in question that i hoped he and she had a long and happy relationship

8/3/2010 8:14:33 PM
i am feeling kinda betrayed. not of me personaly but of an idea. one of the members of my group just told me he is dateing a 5 foot 2 inch tall, 100 lbs, 19 year old!!!!! its a group for bbw's and men who lust for them. how are we supposed to feel comfortable around these men if they are comparing us to twig girls?! this group was ment to help us get away from men like that and to help the men who like us the way we are to get away from the moped syndrome!

7/29/2010 5:46:37 PM
well about a week ago i mentioned i was made the mod of a bbw encounter group. a few days later the owner of said group made me owner and left. so now not only do i have power, i have ultimate power of this group. I HATE I T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but anyways side note. i have been asked to mention that there are openings in the group for both women and men Dom, sub or switch, in the wichita area. now keep in mind I am very controling of who gets in due to the ocasional new member being an asshat. also keep in mind this isnt a bdsm group but an encounter group. if you are intrested let me know. i doubt anyone is.

7/24/2010 11:37:10 PM
i have just been made the second mod ( the first being the creator ) of my bbw encounter group. i wish i knew why he picked me. i have never been in charge of anything. i dont like to be in charge ( obviosly). on top of that the creator has been a very hands on, open, accessable, mod creating very large shoes to fill. and i dont know what the hell to do to try to fill them.

7/21/2010 5:54:13 PM
i love karaoke night. wednesdays rock cause i get to rock out!!!!!! it makes the week easer to get though when i have something to look forward to. i think my husband could benifit from something like this if i only i could drag him out to have fun with the rest of us. but noooo.

7/16/2010 10:46:25 PM

well i just found out that my moms docter thinks she has lupis.  but isnt freaking sure so is sending her to another docter to get testing done cause her doc doesnt trust there lab.  i dont know alot about lupis except that it is an autoimuine desesas where the body basicly atttacks diffrent systems. i know that it causes pain and that the pain will cause depression. i know that there is no cure for it and as far as treatments go they just treat the systems i also know that it isnt emediatly fatal persay. but i am worried of corse its my mom.  people rutenly live 20 or more years after diagnosis.  i hate this life. i want a reroll.


7/13/2010 11:18:27 PM
happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me happy birthday dear meeeeeeeEEEEEeeeee happy birthday to me. 30 years down 20 to go.

5/18/2010 10:43:58 PM
well i have been takeing zoloft for about a week four more weeks to go befor they have a noticeable effect. the dr also gave me a script for ambian to help me sleep but the ambian doesnt seem to work well on me. its soiosed to take effect in 15 to 30 min i took it an hour ago. saterday when i took it i was still up four hours after takeing it

5/11/2010 6:23:40 PM
well change in plans. i didnt want to go on meds. i still dont but it looks like i am gonna have too. i have a dr apointment tomarrow and hopefully between her me and my hubby we can come up with a medication that works. no welbutrin though, i dont want to see the clown again.

4/27/2010 12:29:04 AM
so how desprate for company am i? well desprate enough that i actualy let a pair of door knocking religious folks into the house and talked to them for a good hour. yeah they are nuts and there version of the bible says that a "swarm of liveing souls" (gen 2 vrs 21 of the new world translation bibl), reside in the ocean, but they were nice ladies and a few times i threw them with my questions. my depression has been eating at me slowly erroding my happiness. i have taken a break from playing some of you have read my post on the boards if you havent you can find it its the most recent thread that i started but not the most recent one that i have posted in. it explans why i have taken this break. the problem is that i self medicate my depression with play and sex. with out those two things i dont know what to do. theripy doesnt help and meds are not something i want.

4/15/2010 4:47:43 PM
peter steele is dead. acording to news articales he died due to heart faliure. for those who dont know he was the lead singer for the goth metal band type o negative. i am devastated. i did not know the man personaly. but his music has saved my life more then once. red water take me away

4/13/2010 6:02:44 PM
i am watching sperm sized up. where they took and humanized the fertilization process. i almost feel sorry for the little swimmers. apparently womens bodies are really really REALLY hostile to sperm. i mean i knew that the female body was hostile but i didn't relies that we were out to destroy them all you would almost thing we didn't want to get pregnant.

4/7/2010 1:04:24 AM
well its official. i am unemployable. i have been looking for a job, any job for the last 4 months. even mcdonalds wont hire me. i have only gotten one interview in all this time and it was for patricia's ( an adult store) it would have been perfect for me even had an employee discount. but i didnt get it. i have always had to struggle to keep from becomeing depressed to the point of beinig unable to get out of bed. but lately i just dont see the point. hell if i get that depressed maybe i can apply for disability lol. ok seriosly if anyone knows anyone thats hireing let me know i will so drop off or fill out an application. i dont care what they are hireing for. i learn fast!!! oh and hubby says i cant do porn lol.

3/30/2010 10:59:01 PM
so we have been in the house now for about five months. its been six months since i last went to a munch. i still have stuff in boxes. pretty much my life has gone insane lol. somedays i feel like i am losing my mind.

10/26/2009 1:54:55 AM
hubby and i closed on the house and have started the moveing prosses. its driveing me nuts. we did go to ttks munch last month it was fun, i wanted to go this month but then relises that it would be held on the same day as halloween and i want to give out candy to the neighbor hood kiddlings since i finaly live in a neighborhood .

10/2/2009 11:29:42 AM
well wow things have been bussy but not if you know what i mean. live gets bussy even if its nothing interesting. hubby and i are hopefully going to close on a house on monday. i am seeing a few gentleman haveing fun, and now that i have weekends off i am trying hard to get hubby more into the coumunity. think it will be ttks though just because t hey do there stuff on saterdays sigh we both still work on fridays so first friday is out

5/24/2009 1:20:20 AM
ATTENTION  to those who are going to the kk and expected me to be there.

ok, sigh I was planning on going, but due to medical issues  ie I am haveing surgery the friday befor I think it would be a bad idea if i went. I really wanted to go :(

5/31/2008 11:12:00 PM
Ignorance is bliss and patience is a virtue so if you're stupid and you don't mind waiting around you're set. 

5/28/2008 10:28:57 PM
well I just got back from a minni vaction to visit my mom, and while there i brought home some of my old boxes. guess wh at I find, a box full of stuff from my ex feance.   heres where things get intersting. inside this box is a voided cheak. with acount number and routing number. its a good thing I am not as evil as he no doubt thinks I am.  the cheak has been shreded but  if he still has that acount just imagine the damage i could have done, and chose not to. 

5/9/2008 9:34:11 PM
well I am off the phentramine. the docter said that the irritability, lack of energy, and drop in sex drive were all normal side effects of the phentramine.  she also said it would take a little while to get out of my system. but I am off it now so hopefully soon I will be back to my high sex drive normal self. 

4/14/2008 7:48:51 PM
I have been feeling quite odd of late.  a week ago I went on phentramine,  its an apitite depresent.  it is a relitive of phen phen.  it is defently doing what it is soposed to do my appitite  for food is dead. unfortunently  so is my sexual apitite. I am not pleased by this turn of events. it is also keeping me from sleeping well. so I am exhausted most of the time.  this in turn makes me cranky and very short with people. 

3/31/2008 9:48:41 AM
well I just had a very very nice weekend my husband I went out of town and had a blast the hotel was nice I only had two complaints,  the beds were to soft, and overland park is run by antismokeing nazies.  other then that it was a ball.   

3/23/2008 5:30:13 PM
hope everyone had a fun easter/eostar/ostara  depending on what relation you practice and what they call it.   I just got back from seeing my family and WOW, liveing away from them for a few months really makes a diffrince. I go home and they are loud now when I know they havent changed i am just not used to being surrounded by LOTS of people any more. and the space is so small now, andits not really I am just used to it being me and my husband that its. 

3/17/2008 10:34:01 PM
 I love  going though the pictures and seeing if there is anyone that I recognize from anywhere.not gonna say names or places where I might know them from but there are a few people on here that I think I might know. its cool, I am always telling my husband that it doesnt matter if they recognize me or him or not cause they cant out us with out outing themselves.

3/3/2008 8:32:42 PM
yes my hair really is that fly away. what can i say I smoke. I have smokers bangs.  thats what happens when you smoke and the wind catches your hair and blows it in to the cigarette.   the white and black shirts are work uniforms, and all the pics were taken by my boss at work. hence the industrual back ground.  

1/15/2008 12:19:12 AM
well my punishment is done and i can return emails and instant messeges again WHOOT WHOOT!!! 

1/10/2008 10:45:23 AM
this is driving me nuts! its only three days in. I have four more to go four more days of no messenger, NO Responding to emails , AND he added no  Texting!   I hate when he adds stuff.  he knows that.  its one thing when he adds it right away like oh I just thought about that.  but when he adds it the next day?   come on!  I really think there should be a dead line when it comes to setting the paramiters of a spacific punishment. 

1/8/2008 11:09:57 PM
 I wont be responding to emails for the next seven days I am being punished, but I will catch up when i am allowed back on.

1/2/2008 12:38:26 AM
really men, has insulting a girl ever actualy gotten you into her bed? treat me with respect, you dont know me, you dont own me, you dont know what my limits are. I am not some stupid little noob who will fall at your feet just cause you bark out "kneal bitch!" I am submissive yes, but not to everyone and not to anyone that cant treat me with the respect that they would give any other human they met on the streat. I choose who to obey, I set the limits, and I am picky. 

12/27/2007 10:20:02 PM
so, has this ever happened to any of you? I have a few ex's scattered all over. and i admit this I have broken a few hearts, I know. but why cant the ex in question just dissapear? I click on the who's viewing me section of this site and WHAM there he is he seems to view me about once every three months. its rather annoying the last thing I want to see when I log on here is him. if he wants to cheak up on me as he seem's to want to do at least he can make up a fake profile!

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bootybug
 
 Age: 22
 Newport, Kentucky