yes, i cringed a bit when i watched the video. it was very intense. the woman in the video surrendered completely and i admire that quality in her.  despite her pain, she appeared to be at peace and confident in her circumstance. i would wish to find that inner peace when surrendering to my Master. 

as i have implants, the scene in the video could not be played out with me, however, my Master, who would cherish and protect me, knowing that would not subject me to such a situation which could cause me harm, and instead would develop situations for me where the same intensity and surrender could be shared between us.

it was earlier suggested that i watch this video. my thoughts above were written after watching it,  http://www.eroprofile.com/m/videos/view/torture-galaxy-rita

for those who have followed a bit of my journey here - i am a woman of transsexual history - i recently had surgery performed to provide me with a neo-vagina.  My original sexual organs have been surgically altered to provide me with a functioning clitoris and vagina. As such i will have three holes for use once my healing is complete.  i look forward to my eventual service for my Master as it would please Him.

a conversation to share -

Sir: describe the man you seek:

sarah63: tall, caring, strong, confident, intelligent, accomplished, available, with diverse interests, seeking one who can fulfill His desires and satisfy her needs.

Sir: and what are her needs?

sarah63: to be cherished, developed, taken care of when needed (but not needy), provided with some comforts and a few adventures

my weekend was a disappointment to me and to others.  i failed to complete arrangements to attend a gangbang which i had been told to participate in - instead i decided to venture to a friend's cabin for a weekend of play - i was let down by my host - and at the same time i also let down and disappointed my close confidant who had strongly suggested that the gangbang to me - what i did was wrong and disobedient - i have much to learn if i am ever to achieve my desired state of 24/7 slave service.

i had such a fun week last week - my monday and thursday evenings were filled (well my mouth was, at least) with the c*ck of a visiting executive.  we met for dinner both evenings, once we had each finished our workdays, and enjoyed a leisurely dinner, a bottle of wine, and me - for dessert - well, actually, i had a protein shake, served from a long thick straw...i really enjoyed it! - as for my weekend adventures, i will post a bit more later - suffice it to say, i didn't go hungry ;) 

at the suggestion of a "certain someone" i have been without panties every day this week (and without a bra on most days as well) - today i wore a khaki shirt dress (full button up) sorta like Hot Lips Houlihan might have worn as a dress uniform in MASH...i have begun to enjoy the sexy feeling of being nude under just one layer of clothes each day.  while driving home tonite i had some fun with a few truckers - hicking my skirt to bare my legs and crotch as well as unbuttoning the buttons to expose and display my breasts - needless to say i attracted some admirers - eventually being boxed in by three semis while i put on a bit of a show for the driver that was, based on his horn honks and shouts into my open sunroof, the one who was most interested in me - unfortunately the nearest truck stop is over fifty miles away - some friday night i should be certain that i have a full tank of gas so that i can make the trip out to the central valley with my trucker pals - i am certain that we could have quite a good time! 

i have been asked to host a "gang bang" at a local hotel some weekend soon - location to be determined but somewhere in the bay area - i plan on being a cumm dump for the weekend, exercising my oral skills, having men cumm on my tits, and selectively offering my ass - should You be interested - please send me a message - with two photos - one of Your face (and hopefully Your physique) and one of Your cock - those who are selected will be notified of the proper time and place where You might cumm - i am looking forward to this - very much

thursday night was an adventure - but friday night was fantastic....i met a new friend for some delicious pizza over in Marin County, afterwards we saw the new DeNiro film - The Family, a bit later we adjourned to a quaint motel as planned for the remainder of the evening.  we had been as intimate as we could in our cars the first few times we went out, and we enjoyed some affectionate play in the movie theatre.  however, i was really looking forward to spending some "quality time" with Him. once we checked in, He opened a nice bottle of wine and we got comfortable with each other, soon we both were naked, and intertwined...i discovered His amazing cock and shaved balls and began to give them appropriate attention with my lips, mouth, throat and fingers...over time, He began to enjoy this attention and i was rewarded for my deepthroating of him by having His cumm envelop my throat, mouth and lips. i fell asleep in his arms, quite content.

my thursday nights always seem to be interesting....i was asked out to a "community social" by a friend, told to wear a slutty outfit - chose sheer blouse, leather mini, "patterned" fishnets, 5" platform heels - enjoyed people watching, chit-chat, a drink or two and being "on display" as the buttons on my blouse were sequentially undone....after a time, we left the gathering - as i sat in His car, my blouse was pulled to either side exposing my bare breasts.  i was told to remain that way as we travelled to our next (unknown) destination - once on the road, the interior lights were left on, and the car horn was honked as we (slowly) passed trucks - occassionally a return honk was heard from a trucker in acknowledgement

after a time we arrived at a small bungalow, He knocked on the door, where we were greeted by the occupant, a transwoman in revealing lingerie - we exchanged greetings and i was led to the rear bedroom, where a large number of sex toys were displayed - i was cuffed at wrist and ankles and was tied to the bed - my hostess was instructed to fellate me while i did the same to my driver - as time progressed, toe sucking, clothespins, spankings and other amusements were introduced to the evening - later i found myself on hands and knees, next to my hostess, and we both were spanked soundly - after a goodbye hug, i was driven home - my lipstick was smudged, but i was certainly smiling - both inside and out

i would enjoy visiting her home again - so many toys - such little time!

Someone whom i am close with here, who has been sort of a Mentor to me, has asked me to write of my evolution as a female slave from a trans sub.  it involves self acceptance and understanding - as a trans sub, i was cautious and thought of my submissive needs and sought to protect myself.  as a female slave, i am accepting of my position and my deep desire to serve. my limits are not important, my (soon/some day) Master is the one who will protect and guide me, so limits do not matter to me. i am still seeking "the One" for me - and would expect to connect with Him soon - i feel that i am close with a few here - while perhaps my Master has yet to discover me - i am also open and willing to have that all figured out - i am an open book - if one has questions about me - just ask :-)

You might notice that i don't wait for the weekend to find willing cocks to suck - the schedule of many, means that i often  find more cock during the week than on weekends - last thursday evening i met my good friend Matt for dinner in a nearby suburb - we enjoyed conversation and some tasty sushi - afterwards we journeyed to a nearby hotel for a closer encounter - He brought along a wonderful bottle of wine - and the room actually had glass glasses! it had been awhile since i had seen Him - and i was anxious to suck His cock and have him play with me - he fucks me so well - after lots of wine and sex - He left - i stayed behind and spent a dreamy night in bed - sadly without Him = the next morning i had a wonderful shower and a tasty breakfast - and headed off to work - smiling

over time, she has found that she really enjoys sucking cock and often takes unusual efforts to find new ones to enjoy - last night she met a visiting businessman for drinks and conversation - and after a time was asked to join him in his room for some nocturnal activity - she gladly complied - he had an amazing cock - she enjoyed taking it deeply in her throat - he was pleased as so few women had been eager or able to do the same for him in the past - after a time, he came in waves between her tits - she luved rubbing the warm juicy fluid over her breasts while swallowing a good amount as well - hmm, now what is for breakfast?

i met a new gentleman for breakfast today - i enjoyed meeting him as well as our conversation, he enjoyed his poached eggs and andoille sausage, while i had a yummy omlette. afterwards we adjourned to a nearby park, where we parked and i enjoyed some yummy sausage too - i do love breakfast!

fourth of july can be a wonderful day to go on a picnic, or watch a parade, or perhaps in the evening to see some fireworks, i spent yesterday afternoon creating some fireworks with my friend Cyndi, (she is seen with me in one of my posted photos) - we have been friends for a few years - and i enjoy making her cumm with my mouth almost as much i enjoy sucking a large cock - (as you can see, she has a much better tan than i do - i must be spending too much time indoors) - but we spent some time in bed  - and i was able to make her cumm with both my fingers and my mouth - we have enjoyed group sex with guys before - i look forward to being with her (and perhaps others) again very soon - until then, perhaps i should work on my tan too...

my morning commute has gotten a bit longer lately with the current BART strike - however, i am enjoying it much more - i have gotten into the habit of teasing truckers by hiking up my skirt and showing off my stockings, garters and sometimes even my panties as i pass by them  - i try to drive as slowly as possible and even linger by their cab - as i drive by i wave my long painted fingernails at them - i always like it when i hear their airhorn honk at me - and luv it when they pull up next to me to get another look - perhaps some day soon i should visit a nearby truck stop?

dear Master ________ -

thank You for visiting my profile. i enjoyed reading Yours.

oh, except for the part were You categorically dismissed "trannies" - which is ok, i guess, as i can't stand bigots. and its good to know where "i" stand.

i wish You well -

sarah

(another example of "i want you to embrace my kink, but can't stand Your gender expression")  - just why are so many in this "community" so trans-phobic?

i was contacted by a younger man who was in the area for business - He was working long hours during his stay - 12 to 14 hours a day - and really didnt have the opportunity to get out - He called, asked if i would meet Him at his hotel - a very nice hotel in the east bay, actually. i made my way there - hoping that i would meet Him in the bar for a drink and some conversation first. when i got there, i called and He told me to come up to His room immediately. i did as instructed.  i took the elevator to His floor and followed the directions i was given to His room. i knocked on the door - He opened it - wearing only a towel. He told me to get inside and undress - i took off my dress - and was clad only in my bra, panties, stockings and heels - He ordered me to kneel on the floor in front of him and suck his cock. as i took it in my mouth, i looked up at him, smiling inside - i so luv sucking cock and following the direction of strong men. i swallowed every drop when He came down my throat....

last weekend i met someone for brunch on saturday morning, we had a nice time together but had an even better time a few hours later when i sucked his wonderful, thick cock for what seemed like hours, after He came in my mouth and i swallowed Him, He began to probe my ass with tongue, finger and then his cock. it was heavenly - He fucked me in so many positions that i lost count - He just has a way of putting me in another world when He pounds my ass with His animal lust....

last weekend i met another guy through an on-line dating site - not collarme as this isnt a dating site, its a site for subs to find Doms. 

it was evening when we got together for a drink at a local club where a band was beginning to play. sitting out on the porch, we discovered that we actually had some friends in common, and we shared mutual interests in movies and local politics. i confided to him that i had a softer submissive side and preferred a man that was strong and domineering. we continued our conversation for a while - but the band made that more and more difficult so we left. he told me that he lived nearby, so we walked to his place where we shared a glass of wine and conversed above softer music.

unexpectedly,he made a move on me, telling me what beautiful breasts i have, and flattered, i opened my blouse for him. he must have remembered my earlier disclosure of my kinkyness, as he reached forward and pinched both of my prominent nipples at once, and hard!!  i screamed out at this sudden occurrence, some what startled but also in pain/ecstasy - i luv having my nipples tweaked. he continued to twist them and torture that way for a bit, and told me that the only way that i could stop him would be to suck his cock. 

i reached down, unzipped the fly on his pants, and he pulled his cock out - i saw the skin covered head and gently wrapped my fingers around it, attempting to pull it out from its lair.  there wasn't much length to it, i could hardly stroke it, i had to lower my mouth to his crotch to be able to suck it.  after the wonderful amazing large cock i had experienced just a weekend or two before, i was disappointed.  however, a cock is a cock, so i continued to suck it and tease it with the tip of my tongue.  it slowly grew, he began to moan, and by my efforts over ten minutes or so, he came in my mouth. i swallowed it all - satisfied. i hope he was too.....

it took me awhile, but i was able to find some new cocks to suck...i met Him at a local bar last saturday nite, He had found me through a specialty "dating" site and i was eager to meet Him, after all He had a corvette....i walked into the place and spotted Him sitting alone, crossing the room, i reached out and gave Him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He offered to get me a drink and of course i said "dirty vodka martini" - i spyed a comfy couch near the entry of the bar and sat there while He got me my drink. He brought the drink back and we shared some introductory conversation, over time things got cozier - particularly after my second martini. He offered to take me for a ride in His Vette and of course, I agreed. He drove the car fast over the city streets, taking a few corners harder than expected. I squealed with delight.  Our journey ended at the parking lot of a nearby motel - where I patiently waited in the car while He checked in. We walked around to the back of the place, where there was an invitng pool. He opened the door to the room and I walked in first. It was basic....but enough - after all there was a purpose for our (brief) visit. I took off my heels, dress and bra and sat on the edge of the bed - His shirt was off as He walked up where I was sitting - i unbuckled the belt and unfastened His pants - reached into his boxers to find an amazing cock.  It was well over 8" long and with large balls and sac - all clean shaven.  I smiled and looked up at Him as I took His cock in my mouth - the next hour was incredible - i had a cock feast before He finally exploded deep in my mouth and throat.  Reluctantly, we departed once He was satisfied - i want to suck that cock again!

i agreed to meet Him at a nearby bar, i dressed as i was instructed - push-up bra, thong, garterbelt, stockings, my highest heels and my raincoat, i was a bit nervous as i walked into the crowd, there were many more folks here on a saturday night than when we met here before on a weeknight..we chatted for a while, i sipped on a cocktail, our fingers intertwined, we discussed confidences. after a time, we left together in His car. i was given a blindfold to wear as we left the parking lot.  a few moments later, He stopped the car and ordered me out.  He took my hands and cuffed them, He unbuttoned my coat, exposing my bra and tits, He told me to get back in the car.  we drove for a while - He made comments for me to smile when pedestrians walked past or when other cars pulled close to us.  after a bit of a drive, he let me out of the car at what sounded like a busy intersection and made me stand as i was for a few very long minutes as traffic wizzed by.  i shivered a bit from the wind, the drizzle and knowing that i was standing there so very exposed. after what seemed like forever, He told me to get back in the car and we drove a bit longer.  suddenly, He stopped the car, told me to wait, to then remove the blindfold and walk towards the door of the dwelling alone. i did as i was instructed, waited and walked to the door, replacing my blindfold, standing tall, i waited for the door to open.

i was ordered inside, as i heard the door close, i was led by my elbow i took hesitant steps forward. the cuffs were undone, my raincoat was removed as was my thong and bra. the cuffs were placed on me again, and i was told to open my mouth - it was a rubber ball gag that was firmly inserted in my mouth. i was walked forward, told to kneel on a table - like a show dog on display....my nearly naked body was inspected by hand, a flogger first teased me and then was used more forcefully on me....a small leather paddle ran across my body, it was cold, and teased my nipples and groin before being used to swat me, then one of those wheely devices was run across my naked skin - at first gently, then quite roughly, sticking me in the most sensitive areas - with the gag firmly in my mouth i could not yell out

i was told to spread my legs, a lubed finger was inserted in my ass, worked in and out, followed by a smooth large dildo - it was worked hard in and out of me - over time i got used to the pounding, relaxed my ass and dropped to my elbows, moaning silently inside with each thrust, suddenly it was removed and replaced by a warm condom covered cock...the cock pounded my ass and my body for what seemed forever, moans krept past the gag, finally He released - my raised ass was spanked firmly - i was kept there on display for what seemed a very long time - my hair was tugged, i stood, the cuffs were undone and my raincoat slipped over my tired elbows and tense shoulders...the cuffs were reattached and the ball gag was removed, i was handed a bag (later discovering my thong and bra were inside) and instructed to walk outside, being led to the car by the elbow, and gently placed in it, the car started, and we drove away....some long minutes later we stopped, the blindfold was removed, i was back in the bar parking lot - He kissed me on the cheek, and told me to leave His car - i looked at Him, and told Him that i had a wonderful evening....

a special guy took me to the movies the other day....we sat down in the dark, in a soft leather sofa and got comfortable...i suggested to him that he get a box of popcorn....i wanted him to poke his cock through the bottom of the box, and as i ate the corn, i would slowly reveal and tease his erect cock....hopefully in time, i would have cumm-covered popcorn....instead, he unzipped his pants, and exposed his stiffening cock to me, i began to stroke it gently and feel it grow in my grip....he leaned back, unbuttoned his shirt and pulled my other hand to his hairy chest...he directed me to play with his hardening nipple while stroking his cock....i enjoyed my afternoon at the movies very much!!  but, next time, i do want popcorn!

occasionally, assignments are given to me, last weekend over the three day weekend, i was instructed to find a cock to suck....i tried a number of ways to find a suitable man for this task, being an on-line devote, i put an appeal out on a few dating sites...i was finally successful on monday evening, meeting a new man at a local bar, we had a lovely time, nice conversation, a few drinks, a bite to eat....later suitably lubricated, we went to his car in the parking lot, after a few deep kisses and gropes of my breasts, i unzipped his pants and after grabbing a condom from my purse and placing it on his swollen cock, began to suck him deeply....it wasn't long before the windows were steamed up and i had completed my task...i kissed him on the cheek, touched up my lipstick and left his car....driving home i knew He would be pleased

we all change and evolve in our lives, some more than others - many get stuck where they are, for others change is constant.  for me, i have changed in a way that only few have - i have made the voyage from male to female....mentally, socially, nearly completely physically.  i have also made that change here - as i fully identify as female, i recently changed my classification here from transgendered to female. nothing else changed in my profile - the photos were the same, the "caution/warning" about my evolution written in my profile stayed the same. yet the traffic to my profile has increased tremendously, and the number of messages is likely 3 or 4 times what i used to receive.  what do people say? - that i am pretty, beautiful, that they want to control me, i appreciate that attention, and hope that somewhere there is the Master whom i will one day serve fully, completely.  there are those who don't read my profile fully, who see me only as a photo, and then are surprised when my history is finally understood by them.  i am sorry for them, not me.  i revel in my femininity with Your attention, and seek to serve one who fully appreciates me and my gift of service.

again this past week i was ordered to go braless and wear my vibrating plug to work. i wore a sheer blouse, short dark skirt, 3" heels and lacy thong panties. throughout the day my breasts jiggled as i worked, the plug in my ass was a constant reminder of my lowly state. when i went to the bathroom at various times during the day, i saw small white pre-cum spots in my panties - i knew these were from the stimulation of the plug and thanked Him silently for this.

i spent some time this weekend with one of my girlfriends and confessed to her some of my deep desires and true feelings - that i see my destiny as being owned property, serving my Master, whomever He may be. she knew a bit of my submissiveness and desire to please, her words to me were - "follow Your heart" but in the meanwhile, get back to licking my pussy.

i was told to wear my vibrating plug to work the other day as well as go braless, and i did both to please Him. i was reminded all day of what a slut i am becoming. that evening i continued my orgasm control exercises. naked, on my knees, on top of my bed, i repeatedly and rapidly inserted my dildo in my ass, simulating being fucked as only i can be while making certain that i didnt cumm...when ever i got close to climaxing i stopped...i continued this exercise for nearly thirty minutes, then collapsed exhausted, and slept.

today is the day after christmas, and none of her gifts reflected her true, inner slut-self, the part of me who desires to serve a Dom or Domme as a 24/7 slut and whore. just what must i do to move towards that goal in the coming year? 

Recently she was given a workday assignment. she was instructed to go bra-less at work for the first time. she has 38dd breasts now - augmented by silicone implants - and prominent nipples - she works in a professional office - she was concerned as to what her boss and co-workers might think of her. she was also excited to feel her breasts bouncing for the first time and was also quite willing to please Him who had told her what to do - she truly was becoming a slut!  she wore a sweater top and could feel her boobs bounce as she moved and walked about during the day, when she went to the restroom, she could see that her nipples were slighty visible through the fabric, but then she smiled - she knew that this would please Him. later in the day, after lunch, she returned to the restroom and inserted a vibrating plug in her ass.. as she returned to her desk, she was frightened that one of her co-workers might hear the buzzing of the vibe that pleasantly stimulated her. throughout the remainder of the work day, she was constantly reminded of His control over her - her bouncing breasts and her filled, buzzing hole. she thought of Him and how He made her feel...He tested her - but she passed the test - smiling. that evening, as she prepared for bed, she saw that all this excitement had left a reminder in her sheer satin panties - a few spots of pre-cum.

Have You heard? Sarah had surgery earlier this fall.  Her doctor was pleased to give her new larger titties.  Sarah is very proud of her new 38d breasts.  She knows that as much as she likes them, and the attention that they draw to her, that these titties are not for her.  One day she knows she will be found by the Master of her dreams. Then her titties will no longer be hers.  They will be His titties, as she will be His play toy. Her titties (and the rest of her body) are for His pleasure and will be His property.  She wonders, just when will (and where) shall she find the One that will be her Master?

hmm, so long since i last wrote....rainy, cold winter weather often gets in the way of play - since i am not in a situation where i am confined to a dungeon or playroom (yet)....it was early spring, a nice warm weekend day, He invited me to a picnic in the park...we had been there before, and it brought back memories of an enticing encounter...we provisioned for the picnic - fresh bread, cheese, fruit, wine and sparking water -  i wore a button front shirt dress tied with a colorful sash. As we drove through the foothills, the vibrant spring grasses and beautiful wildflowers were captivating...soon it was i who would be the captive - once we found a secluded picnic area, i was lead from His car to a large tree, where with my arms tied securely behind me with the sash, i was left exposed to His advances. He unbuttoned my dress and tormented me with His touch all over my body. Then He used a flogger - gently brushing it along my skin at first, soon He began to use it more intentionally on my tits and crotch - my nipples are soooo sensitive.  After they perked up a bit, He tweaked them, and hard...He had a set of butterfly clamps, connected by a chain, and He attached these to my nipples - i so luv how that feels.... 

did Y/you see my photos of me in the kitchen? - i luv to cook and serve....these photos were taken recently when i was wisked away for a long weekend of service to Someone whom i had never met before - (except for here on collarme, of course).  upon my arrival, i was taken home where while in restraints, i was introduced to the favorite paddles and floggers of my Owner. the next morning, wearing clothes of their choosing, W/we went shopping at a local farmer's market, and then the grocery store. i so enjoyed being able to find out what i would be asked to cook - upon return to the home, i was told to return to my inside wardrobe of bra, panties and heels....in the kitchen, i could wear an apron, of course.  my duties were to cook and clean as required - and to be at the beck and call of my weekend Owner - serving drinks, fetching food, attending to pampering needs....for my service i was rewarded by a day-long trip to the seashore - my Owner must have been enchanted by my domestic service as i was never disciplined during my stay - i was a bit disappointed at that however <giggle>  - i would enjoy another weekend (or longer) of service away - perhaps we can chat about that opportunity?

we met in the late afternoon. it was warm, i enjoyed a glass of fresh iced lemonade. once in His car, i was bound in chains around my wrists and neck. we traveled across the city to the famous bridge, to the headlands, traveling on winding but freshly paved roads. reaching our destination, He parked the car and directed me to follow Him closely. after taking in the amazing vista, we traveled down well worn paths through a long, dim tunnel - then unexpectedly He opened a door and told me to enter the darkness within - i was completely disoriented and lost - alone in the dark room, He began to ravage me - i was enthralled, lost in the moment and a bit scared, He had told me not to wear panties and i soon was to find out why. He instructed me to bend over - and began to insert a substantial plug in my ass. as it filled me, He told me to stand up and i felt it even deeper in me. He then attached a pole of some sort to the plug and tied the contraption to my thighs and calves - so that i was bound to it and hobbled once i began to walk - which we  did - and the plug was then even further in me. back in the light, walking in a nearly abandoned park, it was dusk, windy and beautiful. the setting made me feel as if i was a medieval princess taken captive by a warrior prince.

i so luv the weekends! - we met for coffee in the early afternoon and decided that we wanted to spend more time together that day, so we headed to a nearby market and provisioned for a picnic - some cheese and bread, some deli meats, a bottle of wine, some sparkling water, and some fresh ripe fruit.  we ventured to a nearby park with a mountain overlook - and after we took time to take in the spectacular view we headed down from the summit to a find a secluded picnic area - the table was among some brush - and difficult to see from the small parking area - we initially sat at the table - and then i was told that i should lie on my back on the table and was blindfolded - my top was removed as was my bra and i was bound to the table securely with rope - after being left there for a while - something began to brush my body gently - a soft flogger - which was in time used with greater strength - soon there were clamps on my nipples - occasionally my bondage was interrupted by a finger that encouraged me to open my mouth - and i was fed an unknown ingredient from the picnic basket - there were some foods that were difficult to eat - especially dry bread - but i so enjoyed sips of water and of wine - and pieces of fresh fruit - a pin wheel of some sort was used on my bare flesh which was so tingly - in time a leather paddle was also used on me - i never knew what to expect next - i found this all to be very exciting and pleasurable - i'd luv to go on more picnics this summer!

so a post regarding my recent "play date" is a bit overdue......that evening we met in a local kink friendly cafe and shared a cup of wonderful coffee.  before we left i was bound neck and wrists in chains and blindfolded.  i was taken by car to a local lovers lane where i was led from the car and exposed to the public at large - bound, blindfolded, dressed as a slutty tart.  later, we drove to another location where a few folks were still dining in a restaurant that overlooked the ocean - i was led to a dark corner (where we were not too visible) - and chained to a pole - slapped soundly about my ass and left for a time - then He returned, and proceeded to take advantage of my captivity - kissing me deeply, running His hands between my long exposed legs, undoing my bra to expose my erect nipples, tweaking them, pinching them, twisting them.  He was surprised by the liquid that seeped from them - and then proceeded to suckle me. i was told to service Him and did as instructed....later on we continued our travels to a wonderful romantic setting - we were out nearly to the early dawn - i drove home alone, stockings ripped, bra undone, skirt stained, and very happy. 

i am a bit on edge today as well as a bit excited - as a special play friend has contacted me and told me that we might be getting together tonite...He has been a wonderful teacher to me - He has been patient and taken me to places that i had only imagined before - i wonder what we might do tonite? - i wonder what He will tell me to wear? - i don't wonder or worry about my safety with Him - He is respectful and kind but He tests me - He also listens to my words, my heart and to my mind - He is respectful of my limits - but never fails to lead me somewhere new - i am lucky to have Him as my primary instructor at this time - i do wish that W/we got together more often - but as for most - our vanilla life gets in the way (sigh) - i am writing this journal as a thank You to Him...

today i am being bad, it has been difficult for me to concentrate on my work....my mind has wandered so...perhaps its because i am wearing a lace corset with garters and thigh highs under my proper wool pencil skirt and tailored cotton blouse - my bare thighs touch when my heels click clack on the office floor - i try to concentrate, but it seems i can't - my office lacks in beauty other than the fresh flowers on my desk, and  i wanted to get out and buy jewelry and perfume at my lunch hour - but it was raining....i so wish there was someone to buy such things for me as gifts from time to time - perhaps i will be able to stop by the mall before heading home tonite?...my thoughts during my commute are of what my life might be while in service...i hope, i wish, i so desire this, i need this....just where will i find it?

so spring is here - i am wanting to get out in the world more often - to blossom like a fresh flower, to feel the breeze between my thighs, to have the wind toss my hair - to meet new people, to share new experiences - to open wide, to let myself go....but alas, some folks just can't get past the fact that while i am a woman, i was identified as male at birth....that hurts sometime...but perhaps its better that way.....better to be rejected on-line than subjected to their limited world view in "real life"

Awhile back I found a document similar to this....and then I expanded on it a bit for a Dom/me when asked to share my thoughts on what being a submissive means to me -

I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You.

I need to know You accept me for all I am. I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way.

I need to have clearly defined limits. I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand and respect my limits.

I need You to be consistent. I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behavior.

I need to expand my limits. I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been.

I need You to teach me. I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be.

I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me.

I need to be corrected. I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals.

I need You to be my role-model. I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late.

I need Your approval and reassurance. I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals.

I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say.

I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done.

I need forgiveness when I fail You. Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying.

I need to feel I contribute. I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gift of submission.