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Phenjo
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BcuzIsaidSew
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deidreschmeidre
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I have a great life and have been so blessed.?
My son and daughter are grown now and I am bursting with joy and pride whenever I think of them and on the rare occasions I am with them in person.
I live in San Francisco, California and enjoy a rich & challenging journey.
I have been fortunate enough to have an excellent education that continues and evolves as I pursue my passions.
I have been blessed with many gifts, including intuition, compassion, healing energies, insight, vision, artistry and so much beauty in this lifetime.
I have my own business that is incredibly rewarding while also challenging me to grow and learn and overcome obstacles each day.
I have a number of treasured friends who know me well and love me honestly and boldly.
I am authentic, passionate, joyful, honest, spiritual and aware, and I am ready for the great love of my life and will no longer compromise who I am to appease someone else or play a role in their 'movie'/fantasy world that has nothing to do with who I am in my heart and soul.
Though I love sex, I reserve intimacy for one who has shown he embraces me fully as the treasure I am.
On the pathway to embracing my partner, I am very open to meeting people with whom I share interests and from whom I can learn. After all, without getting to know someone, how can you know that you are willing to invest yourself in a lifetime with that one?
I am drawn to passionate men who aren't afraid to communicate honestly with me and the world. One of my degrees is in communication and it's huge for me and I hope it is for you as well, as scary as that can be at times.?I love to dance, to sing, to travel, to explore new places, people and ideas, to watch good films, to cook for people I love, and I always seek to offer comopassion and a healing touch to everyone I meet.? I am seeking someone who can share my life as I bring joy and fulfillment to his.
If any of what I have written speaks to you, please contact me. I am not able to chat with or meet everyone but I wish all joy and fulfillment in their journeys.
Blessings and Love,
Tree
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Well I attended my first play party on Saturday and it wasn't scary at all. Neither the dom who invited me nor I played but there was a potluck and we socialized. On May 2&3 there is a Spring Pandemonium with a dungeon the final night that I am planning to attend. In the meantime I'll be attending the AEL Munch at the Sandia Casino buffet banquet room this Monday, April 28 at 7 p.m. |
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I have removed my photos due to professional concerns but am happy to provide them if you have photos on your profile or attach one to your email. One more final note, I have no interest in 'chatting' on here or on Yahoo with someone who has a blank or slim profile and definitely not until I have seen photos and exchanged a few promising emails. |
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I attended my first munch tonight and I was so nervous before I went, but it was very comfortable and I met lots of cool people and even exchanged contact information with a couple. So I plan to go again next month. I still haven't ever attended a play party. Now that will be scary! |
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I want to thank GentleNatureman for the lavender rose which is the last photo on my profile. |
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Don't misunderstand....I can sometimes be outrageously flirtatious when someone catches my interest, but I will not pursue you. If you think I may be what you want, take the time to get to know me and *all* that makes me tick, not just BDSM and sexual stuff. (When in doubt, read my journal and my responses to thoughtful emails. I'm not playing close to the vest--I pretty much put it all out there, and it's a bit insulting for someone to expect me to drop everything and chat with them when they haven't taken the time and energy to craft a revealing profile and response to mine, ***and to attach a pic if there's not one posted.)
And although our exchange may include erotic teasing interplay, don't assume that means I wanna get together and have a weekend of fuck & flog. I am looking for a long term, deep and enduring relationship with someone I can connect with on every level. I am so much more than just your fantasy girl and surrender doesn't happen for me after a couple of hours of light conversation when I am grabbed by the hair, kissed, ordered to strip, suck & surrender. Let's be real, here, k? |
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An interesting thing about me that I don't really address in my profile is that I started out in the lifestyle as a professional hypnotic dominant while at the same time being a closet submissive. While I do find the dominant role fun and exciting to a point, I am not one who really wants to take responsibility for another person. In other words, I make a great Vice President, but President, not so much. In my professional life I doubt that anyone would guess that at my core I am submissive (with a slave's heart for the right man, even). I am assertive, a great communicator and successful in a very demanding career that I love. It's just that I am drawn, on a personal level, to strong, intelligent, sexy men who can see right through that feisty accomplished exterior and know how badly I long to totally surrender to the One. Oh, am not looking to switch within a relationship or to have personal male slaves, although I am occasionally attracted to very special girls who want to surrender to me, and to my dominant. Make sense? |
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Okay, so I'm going to talk about something that squicks a lot of people. Or maybe I will just refer you to a story on a profile that got me very hot and bothered this morning. Check out Strictman42's profile (and his website, intimate invasions) and then maybe you will understand why I list enemas as something I like! (okay, now I'm embarrassed, which doesn't really go along with how I say I am not into humiliation....) I could tell you about experiences I had as a kid that led me to be so anal, and experiences I've had as an adult that involved various kinds of enemas, but suddenly I'm way too shy! So just go read the story, k? :) |
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I have a background in hypnosis and that's how I first got into age play. There was this incredible man who also has a degree in theatre. We never met in person but spent hours on the phone. He was really into ageplay and regression and connected very strongly with the little girl part of me. Ironically, I had discovered her while in therapy for dissociative identity disorder. While I didn't have full-fledged multiple personalities where I would do things that I wouldn't remember, I had very distinct ego states that developed due to early childhood abuse. And one of these was a beautiful little girl who's about 4. I have a pic of me at that age that I think captures her beauty, purity and heart. It was taken of me in kindergarten, before my mom cut off my long blonde curls into a 'pixie cut'.
In age play with this dom, the little girl would often emerge, and felt very safe with him. He was a big bear of a man, very dominant, very smart, and very sensual. Because of my early sexual experiences that I still only have pieces of in my memory, it became apparent that she was also a very sexual being and loved engaging with a big strong man. We had a lot of fun.
It's very rare to find someone who gets that and is willing to engage at that level and not be squicked that it's somehow child abuse. For me, it was incredibly healing, not to mention so erotic. That's how it began.
I have never really had a daddy dom in real life, although I have talked with a few on the phone. It's really just an aspect of what I seek. I also need to be a woman who is enslaved by and totally surrenders to her Master. I have no desire to dress up like a little girl or to be infantalized, but I do enjoy being able to slip into that role, especially in very intimate moments.
My body is not a little girl's body so I don't feel comfortable in little girl's clothing. I don't know if that could change.
I remember being with one lover, the first one who did ageplay and roleplay with me. One day I was wearing a little purple sleeveless sundress, without panties underneath. He spontaneously started playing with me, verbally at first, calling me little girl. It quickly got sexual, and I remember being on my hands and knees on the bed, still in the sundress, teasing each other with words and touch and him telling me how much he liked how I was presenting my pretty little pussy to him. There was this sense of breaking through forbidden taboos, a feeling of being 'taken' for the first time. It was crazy and exhilarating.
When we started getting into ageplay/roleplay, he told me that it could bring up some difficult stuff and if I ever needed to stop and work through it I could. With him I never needed to stop and we played lots of fun games (schoolteacher and little girl was one I remember). It never involved me dressing up specifically for a 'scene', but just emerged from the situation or from some wild idea one of us would get. It was kind of like improvisation, and I never knew where it would go but it was always wild fun! |
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A bit about my background, and my summer of training.
I lived in Virginia from '85 to '92, when I got divorced and moved back to Oregon. While I was there, I got an MA at a religious University, was the AD and Casting Director on an Academy Award winning student film, and then established a Casting Company/Acting School that was very successful. During that time, I spent 3 months separated from my abusive husband who hit me in the mouth which led to me taking refuge at a shelter for battered women, and then moving out with one of the women I met there until I made a poor choice and returned to him on Easter after only 3 months apart. Eventually, after trying to be 'submissive enough' to make it work, when the abuse resumed in full force, I left, for the sake of my 2 children (now grown) and my own sanity.
It's been a long time coming for me to embrace my submissive nature, after being beaten by a father who called me 'idiot child' and who told my mother he feared I would never have a good marriage because I wasn't submissive enough, and if I wouldn't respect him he would beat it into me. That didn't work, obviously, and led to a lifetime of choosing weak men and then trying to fix them.
I am not looking for a man who chooses D/s or M/s out of weakness, out of being a bully. I am looking for someone who is stronger and wiser than me to whom I can fully surrender as I have never done before.
My summer of training was absolutely amazing. We both knew we weren't each other's forever match, and that I would be moving to NM at the end of the summer. But he gave me an incredible opportunity to live in his house as a slave and serve him fully. He also was the first man I ever 'played' with, and he introduced me to virtually every form of play that I was open to experiencing, allowing me to taste and know what I enjoyed and what was difficult for me. He also increased my tolerance of pain little by little (by mixing it with erotic pleasure) and taught me so much about the mindset of a slave.
Although I identify myself as a submissive, I know that, for the right man, I truly have a slave's heart that longs to be taken all the way and let go of all my defenses. I've made many poor choices in men along my life's path and now that I know what I want and how much I have to offer, it's just a matter of sifting through the chaff to get to the wheat, so to speak. |
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You may have noticed that I have changed my profile a bit, fleshing it out, and identifying as a submissive rather than slave. I know it's taking a risk to lay my heart so bare, and to elucidate so clearly what it is I long for because it could open me up to being manipulated by someone who merely wants to pretend to be what I seek in order to receive all of the wealth I offer in my submission. I am choosing to take this risk in the belief that when I clearly speak to the universe the desires of my heart, I will draw those things to me, and I hunger and crave to be able to fully surrender myself to a worthy man and serve him with all of my gifts and my very being.
It was recently pointed out to me the difference in the definitions of 'slave' and 'submissive', and in looking carefully at these denotations, stepping aside from the connotations these words have assumed in our community, I have come to realize that, as the dictionary defines it, I am a submissive. See if you can see the distinction:
sub·mis·sive (sb-msv)
ADJECTIVE:
- Inclined or willing to submit.
Yes, that describes me. And now 'slave':
slave (slv)
NOUN:
- One bound in servitude as the property of a person or household. [boldface mine].
And that is where I make the distinction, with the word 'bound'. I know it's a fine line, and I won't take offense if someone sees me as a slave, or even a submissive with a slave's heart. I just want to make it clear that I am choosing, of my own free will, to offer myself willingly and surrender fully to the right man, when he makes himself known to me and establishes my trust and his willingness to truly make me his own and guide me into pleasing and serving him with all my being, holding nothing back. I have been becoming familiar with this lifestyle and watching from the sidelines for probably 7 years now, and actively seeking for about a year and a half. I have yet to be fully owned or permanently collared as is my heart's desire. In labeling myself as a submissive, it does not indicate that I wish to make the rules or create the box in which the dominant 'plays' with me, nor do I mean it's a role that I will only wear when it suits me. When I submit, when I become his, it is all of me choosing to surrender my whole being to the one who holds my life and self in his care.
I also considered changing my orientation to bi-sexual but decided to leave it as straight. To clarify, I have mostly been with men in my life, and when I imagine the one who will take me--body, soul, mind, heart, spirit--I see a man. I have played on maybe a dozen occasions with women, but only in the context of a man being present and participating and usually directing. Once I even briefly dated a woman, with both of our full acknowledgement that we still predominantly sought a man as a partner, but also felt a connection and chemistry between us. So label me what you wish.
Another recent exploration and realization has emerged around the idea of a 'daddy dom' and I find that I crave that loving, firm tenderness that this implies. It does not mean that I am not willing to take responsibility for myself or my actions or am bratty or acting out for attention. It's a facet that I definitely crave at a very deep level, although I suspect that the man who makes me his will also be adored, worshipped and obeyed as Lord, if not Master. Yes, I do want and need discipline and training, but done in love and strength, not out of brutality without regard to how it might harm me.
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to email me and I will do my best to articulate my views either in a response to you, or perhaps in my journal.
Blessings,
sp
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For me, this life is about surrender, opening, letting go of anything that is not the essence of who I am, anything that holds me back. I need to submit to a man who is intelligent, strong, intuitive, highly sexual, wise and relentless, who will guide me into the fullness of who I am as his. This is very relationship based for me, and the passion I feel for this man motivates my willingness to go to places that are not comfortable, and even scary, in order to please him and grow in value to him. I want to be completely vulnerable to him and learn to trust him completely. I want to be cherished, even in my imperfection, but always willing to grow in areas of woundedness and weakness so that I will be strong in my submission. |
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| Age: 27 |
| H Roads,
Virginia |
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