3/17/2018 9:16:26 AM: I've found that I've mellowed a bit over the last two years. I'm less interested in engaging with random assholery. I'm also less tolerant of it in my life. I've been craving a kind of intimate dominance I'm unlikely to find I think. At least not without time, effort and cultivation. And I'm so tired of engaging with the community in all its mass of problems. I find myself wanting to sit and lay my head on someone's knee. Overenthusiastic penis, fantasy enforced bravado and misogyny remind me often that rando's ain't worth shit.

7/29/2016 11:15:20 AM: Every time I see 'Hello sub/slave/slut' I really, REALLY wanna respond with 'Hello erect penis!'

4/5/2016 11:11:28 PM: Ever feel like you tend to hop between extremes? I usually don't. But after so much time away suddenly I've been thinking about consensual non-conventional, blanket consent and higher structured relationships more. What works, what doesn't. Of course idealized relationships are next to useless-- you can visualize them all you want, but people are not made to order. Still it's something I've been thinking about. I'm torn between really liking the idea and knowing it'd most likely be really bad for me overall.

1/22/2016 2:33:17 PM: I'm not really a sub.I want to see the people I love happy. I want us to feel fulfilled. I want to take care of you and feel like I've contributed to something we both love. When I've made the decision that you're mine I will settle and soothe your hurts. I will attempt to move mountains inside and out at the asking.But I'm not giving up myself. I believed for years that what I wanted wasn't as important and I didn't prioritize it. It's made hurts. I'm not trying to lash out aor degrade whatever you're looking for but I will question you when you hand me canned concepts. I'm not a container (though there are times I will beg you to objectify me to calm an urge for emptyness). I've had enough of pressing my lips shut because someone does something stupid, or because I'm not satisfied, or out of fear that you might question my sexual identity. So no, I'm not a good girl, a little girl, or a baby girl. I have cattitude, bills to pay and an opinionated brain that doesn't always connect at the mouth. I don't wanna dominate you, tell you what to do or control you. Sometimes I'm going to feel childlike but fuck you still, you don't get to see that until I decide that it's safe, until I feel it's safe. Because insides are fragile and need to be protected. I want to feel intensity, even when it hurts--- and sometimes especially when it hurts. When we've decided to trust then there are barriers begging to be pushed and screamed and clawed at, but that's miles away still. And not to be cute (because I hope it makes you happy) but I can't get there in a week. I want to feel safe as you force me and smile but I have no interest in your white vans, head bags or fake/real intimidation tactics. The knife doesn't scare me, if you're gonna bring it out then use it---- but just staring at a pretty blade isn't going to do shit. Use your hand, it's the only thing that I've been craving. I want to be wild and pursued over time (because wooing is a romantic concept that multiplies itself) but I dont need to run wild through the woods pretending you're some mighty monster. Most of us have enough of those in our own heads. I've heard you on the wind trying to fit parts of pieces of those things into 'submissive'. Lets skip the hack job. I can't point you to a wikipedia, tumblr or personal asshat page to define my identity. I'm sorry, but it's going to be more complicated than that.

12/18/2015 1:03:41 PM: I'm not tame. I don't have any real desire to be.I want to be surrounded by people who are alive, who fight for what they want and don't mind struggling for it. I don't want it to be pretty or neat or elegant. I don't have pretty words for you, I don't want to pet any fragile sense of self. I don't need you to bolster mine. I don't want to harm you or cause damage, but I want to see you awake and with me. Teeth and claws are part of the deal. Lets decide what our sane looks like. I'm not a brat or a child or a pet. I won't be patted on the head or sent to a corner. Struggle with me until we both calm and want to rest together. I don't need to win, I don't really want to gain control, but I won't give in easily either. Lets write our own rules and make our own scars. Lets leave handprints on each other spelling out our names. I can give as good as I can get, I don't want to hide behind you or be protected. There will come a time for soft touches and soothing words, but there's a dance to be done first and many after the calm times. I can accept your uglyness if you can accept mine. Lets remake it into a feral kind of beautiful.