3/26/2023 4:32:41 PM: Dating sites make you categorise and select people on the basis of what they think they want (tall, non-smoker, dominant, blah blah blah...).  They then present you with the results of what you think you want. It's all rather self-fulfilling. However, it's only when you meet people, by accident, in the real world, that you realise that people possess characteristics that you didn't know you wanted or found appealing, or that you even knew existed. It does make one think.How many profiles on here say 'I know what I want...'Who really knows what they want? Who really even knows what they know?Knowing what you want just might well be the sign of a particularly closed mind,  it's likely the sign of a pretty limited relationship.If you're looking for love, try talking to someone at the supermarket... see what happens.

9/30/2014 5:20:47 PM: Profiles here are interesting to examine in terms of the subtle power plays taking place. I mostly look at submissive and switch women profiles (slaves too, although I'm not so interested in them, but I find their profiles engaging), so my comments are aimed more in that direction, but here are some things I find interesting:Profiles written by submissives which contain no pictures, and very little information, yet demand either a profile pic, 'no one-liners', or that whomever writes to them must come up with some elaborate textual scenario to demonstrate their worthiness as a dom. By contrast, profiles that are epic in length, talking about life, love, personal philosophy, their ideal dom, fantasy films, and god knows what else. These profiles inevitably insist that you 'read my entire profile before messaging me'. Either way, it's an interesting little power play in which someone who professes to be submissive actually creates and manages all the rules for interaction.Now I know the obvious response to this: 'Why would I waste my time answering one liners and people who aren't exactly what I want?' Fair enough! Only problem is, realistically speaking, what you set yourself up for is very simple cut and paste approaches. Given that every male here knows that every female on here is getting hundreds of messages, and thus their chance of and successful interaction is low, do you really think they are going to spend hours crafting some elaborate fantasy scenario just for you? No, they will cut and paste a stock approach they themselves have used a hundred times.Hardly the ideal start of an intensely intimate relationship based on mutual trust and perhaps involving pain, confinement, vulnerability etc.One liners have their place... why? because they start a conversation, and that is how one gets to know and trust people, and ultimately connect with them. Would you approach someone in a bar by blurting out you entire life story, or demanding theirs, or get them to jump through hoops just to earn the right to talk to you? If you do, you likely don't meet many good or interesting people who have respect for themselves.

9/27/2014 4:28:33 PM: Today let's talk about why this site should be for 25's and over.Now, the caveat here of course is that one can imagine a good chunk of the 'submissive females' under 20 here (and there are a lot of them) are actually men. But let's forget that for now and assume that at least some are genuine.Should an 18, or 19, or even 23 year old woman advertise for a 'master' on this site? Or, even more deeply, should an 18 or 19 year old willingly seek out a relationship based on BDSM?It will make me unpopular (I already am anyway), but I'm going to say no. And here's why.Essentialism... the idea that human beings have some sort of core essence of being (or put more simply, the belief that 'I was born the way I am'), is, in a nutshell, bullshit. It simply makes no sense, unless you want to believe in some fanciful idea of 'souls' or make the 17th century philosophical mistake that somehow we have 'minds' that are separate from our bodies. Or, even worse, you believe in the ridiculous notion of biological determinism... that somehow the synapses and chemicals in our brains determine our sexuality, among many other things.  After all, can anyone really ever be 'born' with a shoe fetish? The very thought is ridiculous.People are made, not born. And, in general, they are made through language and social interactions. That is where identities of all kinds are formed and played out. So, the idea that a BDSM relationship is fulfilling some essential core of your being is really just a fantasy. Such ideas are put into our heads by various experiences which, when we are young, become interpolated into various ways of thinking, thus giving us sexual preferences and fantasies. The shoe fetish, for example, is most likely born from early childhood experiences of crawling at the mothers feet. Thus feet become associated with experiences of love, safety and nurturing.Ok, moving on.... people in their late teens and early twenties are still forming their identities, especially their sexual identities. They have no idea who they are or what they are. Their main concern is some form of acceptance. Sorry kids, but it's true. But its the case for everyone... I knew fuck all about sex, women, myself or anything else until my mid twenties, and as much as you might say 'everyone is different/ I am different/ it's unfair to generalise, you are no different from anyone else in this regard, no matter how much you might have banged around. In fact, banging around so much at this age is as much a demonstration of your lack of identity and need for acceptance as anything.  So, getting socialised into a set of sexual practices/lifestyles (especially by older people who could very well be exploiting your need for acceptance) that will ultimately complicate your life and relationships is really not such a good idea. Why ask for trouble? Dabble? sure. Experiment with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Why not? That's a normal part of sexual discovery. Become a slave to a middle aged man you meet on a site which caters exclusively to BDSM? uh, no. If you want to make that decision when you're 40, 30, even 26, well, by then you've had enough of a chance to have less complicated experiences and relationships to know where you are going in life, so fair enough.Its like trying your hardest to develop a teenage nut allergy just because it seemed like a good idea at the time.So yeah, all you under 25's looking for 'training'... come back in five years. To those of you older than that looking to 'train' people under 24 into this lifestyle, you are exploitative. But you likely already knew that.Ok, now here comes the hate mail!

9/25/2014 5:39:07 PM: Welcome to my journal! Frustrated by the pointlessness of profiles created by fantasists?Confounded by the consistent, unnecessary and unrelenting negativity presented by people who are supposedly 'finding' or 'liberating' themselves?Bemused by 'no photo, no reply' instructions on profiles with no photos?Annoyed by 'no one liner' instructions on profiles that contain no information?Then perhaps this journal is for you!Today, an observation...There are a lot of young women on this site who are very angry. So angry, they cannot even hold a polite conversation. In some respects, I can't blame them... they seem to be inundated by hundreds of abusive messages from dirtbags, which, I suppose would put anyone in a bad mood. However, the response of a normal person such treatment would generally be to leave the site, and not join into the cesspool of spiralling negativity this site has become. I often get paid to provide advice to people... so here's some advice: if you're treating people like shit for no reason, you have ceased to become human. Save yourself, get out of here.You're probably too young to be here in the first place.In the next episode, we'll discuss hypocrisy and its endemic state on this site.