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Mummyandaddy
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i am MTF pre-op trans. i list as female because i am not a sissy, which is what the bulk of people think the trans tag here is for.
i am asexual outside of kink, toys, maybe grinding. This means if you are wanting a sex slave, please move on.
i have been in multiple abusive relationships this means ive been diagnosed with depression and PTSD. Otherwise, i am a geek, a liberal, someone whose Ds side has been abused and taken advantage of multiple times.What does that mean, particularly in regards to this site? Well, im really very much into bondage (safer s of this, so that means no rope as a main thing, i dont trust it) and latexrubber. By various definitions, i could be called a doll. i am into objectification, but not in a degrading methodology i mean, reduced to an , only able to react, not given a physical choice.i might be able to become more Ds, assuming i could build up trust with the dominant(s) i interact with makes sense, since the things i am curious about rather demand a high level of trust intubation, catheters, chastity, loss of control. But, the times where i am not an or reduced, i really hope for a more equal relationship, though i can also see that time shrinking as trust and time goes on.im a geek. i love games, i love stuff like sci-fi and DD, i play all kinds of things....but avoid sports. An avid Whovian, i really want to see what happens when Moffat finally leaves the show, since he overuses ontological paradoxes.If you have more questions, please feel free to send them to me, as i try to work on this profile if you bitch at me about how theres a trans tag, and i need help because i am listed as female, you can go fuck yourself.
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So, Journals are back. This means i can type things without needing to update my profile, which can take months. So, obviously, first off, i am still trying. Problems stem in that i apparently am not what most are searching for: since i'm ace, i alienate the hookup group. Since i'm not a doormat or service D/s sub (though service can be on the table, if the relationship works), all the subtle abusers of the former and red-tape lovers of the latter are alienated. Since i'm a rubberist, all the naked lovers and naturalists are alienated. And all of that isn't getting into the trans thing. sigh. |
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So, full profile again after i took a chance on someone who only offered vague comments on what things would be like, then refused to say anything more, and rejected when asked for reassurance. All red-flags to an abuse survivor like me. This was someone who couldn't understand where i was coming from. |
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This really needs to be read by anyone wanting to talk to me: https://transphilosopher.com/2017/02/15/trans-porn-trans-women-and-the-fetishization-of-tgurls/ |
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If you think that a sub you aren't dominant to wanting an answer to a question you knew was asked but avoided is "switching" or "attempting to top", you don't understand what it is to be truly dominant; you just want free sex and a pre-50s housewife/maid and hide it behind the role. Such as so called "your dom now" |
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Sigh, another day, another idiot harasser. This one, a male sub named iraalgolagnist, decided to look at my profile, then rage at me because i am trans, and not a genetic woman he can try and convince to dominate him, like any other woman who LISTS AS A FUCKING SUB for a reason, they are submissive, not dominant.
EDIT: and calling in the wagons, with friend coeli. |
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Just a thought to put out there, but i am becoming really leery of the term "service-oriented". i've already experienced enough people where it pretty much meant "unpaid maid or servant, that i don't gotta do anything with", which, given that i feel i have to remind people that TPE means Total Power EXCHANGE, and there is give and take for both, that both sides have needs, wants, desires to be fulfilled, and yet most subscribe to the absolute bullshit idea that subs/slaves should just be happy doing everything a dominant wants and not care about the self?
Excuse me, but fuck that. See, in taking a sub or slave, you are also taking responsibility. a sub or slave's desires, health, emotional needs, so on, you are taking direct responsibility for. And people don't seem to want to do that. Honestly, those that don't need to be castrated and kicked out of the scene, instead of coddled. |
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Added some images, of stuff i wish to be in real life, or wish to emulate, or that which i desire. Hopefully this will give any potentials some ideas.... |
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a quote regarding BDSM, that concerns a side of D/s that i see almost NO ONE talking about on this site:
bdsm except i strap you down and make you take vitamins and drink enough water and get enough sleep and cut toxic people out of your life and give you a hug and a massage and tell you what a strong person you are |
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well, since others are doing these tests....
== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
100% Submissive
99% Bondage receiver
91% Pet
81% girl/boy
81% Experimentalist
74% Masochist
69% Brat
59% Primal (Prey)
46% Ageplayer
44% Non-monogamist
41% Slave
35% Vanilla
26% Degradation receiver
14% Exhibitionist
1% Switch
0% Dominant
0% Sadist
0% Master/Mistress
0% Bondage giver
0% Degradation giver
0% Brat tamer
0% Primal (Hunter)
0% Daddy/Mommy
0% Owner
0% Voyeur
0% All-Rounder
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.?id=522205 |
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Expanding on my last entry. i've been told by friends that i am pretty much on the cerebral side of BDSM. Kinda funny, since it is the physicality that thus affects the mindset, but the removal of choice and responsiblity by another holds infinitely more appeal than having sex. Not that i am aromantic, but i think i am pretty dang close to asexual. i find the idea of being helplessly bound, probably cuddling, to be infinitely more fulfilling than the idea of having sex and reaching climax. |
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So, it's always been a desire of mine to be objectified. Not in the way a lot of people seem to think, in ways that necessitate humiliation, but in restraint, in being covered up, reduced to a human-shaped object. Forniphilia is one aspect of it, yes. i want it because i want to feel safe in another's control, sometimes i want to leave the world behind for a time, to find my limits regarding bondage and how long i could be like that. Yes, this means some long-term aspects, really trusting another when i am like that (which, given the track record of who i have met via CM, is something that needs work)....but still i try. How long could i last? Would it break me (especially since in some ways i consider myself already broken, but in other ways can be completely obstinate)?
Something to think on. |
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i begin to worry about this site. My experiences have led to things i'd rather not have to endure again, like emotional abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, and rape. Therefore, i am becoming rather active in blocking/hiding people who have things in their profiles that scare me or irk me.
Also, is it just me, or are the ones that use and demand usage of the term 'Goddess' the most egotistical? i know this is just my opinion, but is it shared? Am i wrong for completely avoiding people who brook no negotiation? People who, it seems, won't give a rat's ass for me?
So sue me, i'm a romantic.
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This site is one of fantasy; to put it any other way would be to cause a lie, no matter how minor. So, what happens when one speaks of reality? No idea, but i feel the need to do so tonight. One of my college classes showed a vid on poverty and homelessness. This affected me rather hard; it reminded me of a time in my life i was in a similar position. Depression, bleak and unending. Pawning the first nice thing i bought with my own money, getting a bit of cash and a knife. Going to a theater, watching an anime as one last treat to myself before i end my existence, take away something defective. Chickening out, contacting someone, getting hospitalized. I didn't like those feelings, and didn't like being reminded of them. Still can't listen to some music without being taken back to the time i lived out of my car.
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My Truth: How often do we talk of desires on collarme? It seems that reading that webcomic has illuminated a new part of my soul, because i am willing to share more details about myself than i have before. For one, i am a survivor of verbal abuse; Not only from people i sought to be friends with, but from my parents as well. People talk of breaking the spirit, the soul; a part of mine is shattered, almost down to nothing, and that part is the faith there is an opposite, a Dominant for me, someone who is the counterbalance to my existence. My greatest desire? Yes, i want to be tied up, and such, but my greatest desire precludes that. Simply put, it is Someone to trust, to rest my shoulder on, to lay my head in the lap of; Someone i can reveal all my weakness to, be accepted by, that will make valued that which i see as valueless. I know to many i am not the best catch in the sea; i know i have a lot or problems. Such things include the fact that i have a low self-esteem, that i am a nailbiter in every sense of the word (yes, toes too, and that should tell you something of my flexibility). I have numerous defense shields, to prevent people from coming in too far, simply because i have been burned so often in regular relationships such as being friends. i tend to be quiet, and Fear is a large part of my thinking process. With all these negatives, you might be wondering, where are the positives? i am open-minded. When someone gets in far enough, i am doting, friendly, and loving to a tee. i have a sharp sense of humour. i am always designing new things that can be done in regards to fashion and training tools in BDSM. More i cannot say right now, simply because i felt the things i had to say here needed saying.
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Okay, the type of relationship D/s i am looking for? Oh, i know that one way to find fakers is how they would treat their sub or Dominant. But what am i looking for? Something with love. Of course, the younger generation of BDSMers are going "huh?" because they aren't using common sense. For them, i'll point them out to a webcomic, called 'Savvie and Lacey'. Read it, and you'll get an idea.
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You know, i really have no idea if this is a rant or not. i know that to many BDSM is a lifestyle, to others sex, and others fun (At least, these are the reasons to the true people out there, ProDominants counting). But isn't an underlying tenet of it, and the most key, trust? So much demand a perfection of their desires, and act shocked that they are unable to find it. Should not Trust develop through talking, possibly friendship? Are we not people; human? i know that Collarme is probably not the best forum to ask this within, but i cannot help it; with the dispair many feel in regards to not finding what they want, the ones who do not play games, and it is becoming a bit overwhelming. Sorry, but Empathy can be such a bitch sometimes; it is understandable why so many others avoid it so much. But Empathy is needed in this world of fantasy, seduction, roles, servitude, and more.
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You know, i have a good way of weeding out those that are the money-grubbing types quite easily. If, during a search, i find in a person's profile "Tribute", "money pig", "financial domination", or "money slave", without the person mentioning they are a pro dominant, i immediately block and hide them.
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You know, for some reason i feel the need to explain where the username mizuno comes from. i have heard a lot about the sporting goods company, but that is not where it is from. If you know about astrology, then you know Pisces. if you go deeper, Pisces is a water sign. Also, if my chart were to be made, of the 14 points including true node, most would be water signs (Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces). Mizuno is Japanese for "Of the water", so it fits me. It's my little joke that since Pisces' symbol is two fish tied together i was destined for BDSM.
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i think i need help with this one. For some unknown reason, i am currently obsessed with a piece-of-fluff song from DDR (that's Dance Dance Revolution to you non-gamers). It's from one of the older mixes. Bumble Bee. "Sweet Little Bumble Bee, I know what you want from me" is an example of the lyrics. Generally, i prefer my techno to be instrumental; same with the classical. So why am i so caught by this song? i have no idea. And yeesh, looking back at my journal, i write at least a decent-sized paragraph each time...i personally blame all the English classes i took in high school.
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New Topic: Pic Judgment.
It seems to me oftentimes now on collarme i will see in a profile the term "No pic, you are blocked" or some such similar line. i understand that a picture could prove to someone that the person messaging is real, but not always. Also, oftentimes, when one does have a picture it seems that if a person thinks another ugly, or not their ideal person, that they instantly reject; no notice is given. Do we truly live in such a peopled group and yet have so much high standards in regard to appearance? How ephermal is D/s then otherwise?
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Sometimes i wonder about my generation and BDSM. It seems to me that most that go into the lifestyle are those that think they can profit from it (IE all those that talk of 'spoiling', 'tribute', 'money pigs' etc. [Down, collarme, this isn't a condemnation of anyone specifically, so it is not against the rules]), and those that would truly be sceners. Sadly, here, the former drowns out the latter. CM is getting better (it says no mentioning Financial Domination when you edit your profile); BUT there is no way to report such profiles that violate the rules currently. The closest is "an illegal act", but it isn't illegal to give your money away. So, my hope for my generation is growing less, and my frustration is rising. Sad, isn't it? |
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a new thing has occured. i could not provide a pic to a master listed here. he called me a fake. i am poor, i admit; transition is a main concern on the funds. but that i cannot drop everything to provide that singular pic, to me at least, that he might be hiding a lack of maturity about certain things behind the title of master. i ask, has anyone run into this before? And, if the demand for a pic is the major concern of soemone, what therefore is the difference between a dominant and an HNG? |
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Trends and facts within collarme are an amalgamation of many things. What worries me though are those who would use BDSM as a way to abuse and use possible relationships, seeking only their own gain; they would use up others, turning them into husks, only to drop them when they are no longer of use to such users. A sad thing, this; it is a perversion of the ideals of BDSM. Yes, the power scheme is usually off-kilter, but it is reciprocal. Those that would use others create what is in essence a one-sided relationship. |
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i am noticing a trend, here. Elsewhere, too. It seems that many straight master types out there are willing to act as predators amongst transsexuals, possibly seeing them as women that are less forceful and more subservient, more cowed and less sure of themselves. To any who read this, please, approach me as a human, a thinker, and not a slab of meat or a toy for aquisition? |
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well, so far there has been no luck. i offer to be an ear to one person, and he takes it the wrong way. there is one possible in area. But, a lot of people are here either for money or a quick lay. Sad, isn't it? |
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New person here. it seems that many are frustrated from wannabes. to be honest, i have run into that many times as well. ah well, i am actually into the scene, and wannabes can just be what they are, as i am what i am. |
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| Age: 49 |
| Garland,
Texas |
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