I have been a real life submissive since younger but new to bdsm.  I was told once to grow as a sub, one needs to be pushed to do uncomfortable things. If one does the same comfortable thing day in and day out, one never grows.  In regards to bdsm, I am not niave.  I know some people see abuse, but, if done for the doms pleasure, for punishment, for training and does not cause permant damage to a person, I don't see it as abuse.