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ElusiveGrace

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Some of my writings are from life, some are from fantasy, and some are a combination of both. I will leave it to the reader to decide what is real, and what is a wish from the core of my slutty little heart. Also, it recently occurred to me that my writing may sometimes result in an artificial acceleration in the "getting to know you" process, so please use caution when reading, and remember that I likely don't have similar insight into your thoughts and feelings. "It is the dim haze of mystery that adds enchantment to pursuit." Antoine Rivarol I love my life:
I'm submissive (mostly), bisexual (with male preference leanings), sapiosexual, and happily poly. At home, I have a loving husband, a beautiful partner, and a precocious 6 year old. I have a demanding job, an active social life, and way too many hobbies that I tend to obsess over. What I'm missing is that special someone who will beat me black and blue, pull my hair, and call me his good little slut, preferably on a once a week to bi-monthly basis. However, being the realistic, unromantic person that I am, I'm not actively looking to initiate a long-term relationship right off the bat. What I am looking for are friends and possible play partners. Please note: If you're looking for a quick fuck on the first date, I'm not your girl. I've tried to be that kind of slut, really I have, but I surrender too completely during sex to make it something I do casually with strangers. If we've gotten to know each other a bit, and you can tempt my mind, pass the Boob Test, are a good fit, and make a good impression on my primaries, then there may be room for more of a long-term relationship. "I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." Mae West What I'm looking for, OR I like it when nice men do bad things to me:
I've been enjoying kink for several years now (my Kinkaversary is April 4, 2008), and I've tried and enjoyed a lot of different types of play. I do know that, without a doubt, desire is my drug of choice, and dominance is my favorite flavor. What that means, in a general sense, is that the desire of my lover feeds my desire, and the more it feeds my desire, the more hungry and unrestrained I get. My ideal lover is someone who genuinely shows their desire, but is not overwhelmed by my passion, or his own. He has the strength to tell me no, and remind me of my limits, even when he's shaking with desire. He is someone capable of sharing me without jealousy (and preferably has a primary who consensually shares him without jealousy), who is respectful of my primaries and my time with family, can be playful and inventive, can carry on an intelligent conversation...then can take me into a back room, do bad things to me until I’m sobbing at his feet, and hold me until I come back into myself again. He's someone who can make me catch my breath with a glance across a crowded room, because I know he's thinking about how much he's going to make me scream the next time we're alone. He's someone who will challenge me to grow, as a submissive, and as a person. He's someone who pays attention to detail, because I am tricksy as fuck when I'm in the mood, and those details are what are going to put me back in my place. I am playful and flirtatious, and I cannot and will not stifle that part of myself to play with the über-serious (although I can certainly be serious when the situation calls for it.) And while I may have many little girl qualities at times, I consider myself more fae than little girl because, while I may have moments of wide-eyed naiveté or trouble-seeking mischievousness, I never lose the sense that I am a desirable, desire-junkie adult slut. My hard limits include scat and piss play, breaking skin or leaving permanent scars, bruising my tits, or tearing my pussy to the point that it is out of service for a few days. I also have an aversion to televised sports, especially when people are yelling and screaming at the TV. Call it daddy issues. Every time I do this, it's a little different, depending on my mood. But my top few only change positions, not importance.
== Results from bdsmtest.org 1/11/17==
98% Submissive
97% Rope bunny
95% Masochist
91% Primal (Prey)
85% Non-monogamist
77% Experimentalist
70% Degradee
69% Voyeur
61% Brat
57% Pet
48% Exhibitionist
46% Slave
31% Girl/Boy
27% Switch
14% Sadist
12% Rigger
8% Primal (Hunter)
7% Dominant
6% Vanilla
3% Brat tamer
2% Master/Mistress
2% Degrader
1% Owner
1% Ageplayer
0% Daddy/Mommy I am more than my kink:
My non-kink interests include reading, writing, cooking, various computer related activities, and pretty much anything artsy and/or crafty, including soap making, sewing, painting, paper art, and jewelry. I love, love, love costumes, corsets and unusual clothing, and will accept any excuse to dress up. I often have two or three costume projects in the mix. In the not too distant future, I'm looking to take classes in wood (just building, not sculpture), metal, and possibly shoemaking. I am a tree hugging, dirt worshipping, energy working, hearth witch variety of pagan, but I am respectful of other belief systems, and of people who are respectful of mine. I was raised in an atmosphere of "You can be anything you want to be, and do anything you put your mind to!" And it shows in my tendency to collect skills and occasionally roll them together to make something weird and/or fabulous. I have a few favorite TV shows, many favorite books and authors, and a rather large collection of favorite movies. I have really eclectic tastes when it comes to entertainment, and some really bad B movies hold a place of honor on the shelves of my collection. I like them best when shared with (inflicted on) others. I'm really into supernatural flavored gumshoes, quirky but solid characters, and twisted dénouements. I'm addicted to fairy tales, with mythology running a close second. I've been told that I have weird taste in music, and I'm ok with that. I have a weakness for guitars, and guitar players. I am particularly fond of music that reminds me of how I felt at a special moment. Formal Warning:
Any individual or institution using this or any other adult site, anywhere, for any purpose, does not have my permission to use any words, images, fiction or perversions from my profile, or anything that I have posted in a forum, no matter how good you think your reasons might be. Do your research the old fashioned way, and talk to people individually, you lazy gits.
3/29/2017 7:20:12 AM
To Be Wanted Erotica I want to be wanted I want to be craved I want him to curl his fingers into fists, because he can barely restrain himself from taking hold of me and taking me, stripping me hurting me marking me no matter where we are I want his skin to burn for the touch of mine I want his mouth to hunger for the taste of me I want his eyes to drink me in to follow every move I make to make me feel like I'm his prey and only his will stands between me and the fate he has in mind for me And when he can hold back no longer I want him to draw me close and inhale the scent of me like it's the scent of coming home I want him to draw sounds from me that pool in the curve of his ears and make his cock tighten until it aches with the need to be sheathed inside of me I want to be wanted in a way that consumes me until all of my walls come down and all my keys are handed over and I am putty in his hands soft and pliant with desire to please to serve to be his to blend our desires until they are one until the flames of them paint our flesh with pink, and black, and blue and we fall back on the bed sweat soaked and sated all panting breaths and tangled limbs knowing that the desire is only sleeping and it's only a matter of time before it rises to consume us both again
3/20/2017 5:31:16 PM
I wrote this back when I was first starting on this kinky journey, when I thought the Master/slave dynamic was the only option. This one in particular is closer to who I am today than the others I recently reposted. May. 11th, 2008 First meeting I'm so nervous getting ready to meet you that my hands are shaking, and I can barely fasten my bra. I take extra care with my appearance, trying to appear casual and sexy at the same time, without being overt enough about it to make you feel uncomfortable. I slip on a pair of close fitting jeans that show off my backside, but aren't fit like a second skin, and after a lot of deliberation, a plain black t-shirt over my black lace bra. I'm wearing the panties that match, not because I think you'll see what I'm wearing under my clothes, but because it makes me feel more sexy...and more prepared for you. My shoes are black mary-janes with black socks Finally, I'm in the car, driving to meet you at Panera, a coffee shop/bakery with comfy booths that are just right for private conversation. I pull into the parking lot, and take a deep breath before I get out of the car. When I walk in, I see you almost immediately, already waiting for me. Your smile puts me at ease, and you stand to hug me, which is even better. I slide into the booth as you sit again, and when the waitress comes, I order a coffee and a cookie, something sweet to ease my nerves. We begin to talk, but it isn't long before I become distracted by your physical presence...by the expressions that go with the voice I know so well, by the way your eyes stray from my face to my body, by the way your hands move. It's all too easy to imagine them touching me, guiding me, sweetly violating me as I beg for more. The coffee comes, and I snap out of my mental wandering, only to see you watching me with a knowing smile on your face. I blush, ducking my head down, and turn the subject to something mundane...but you already know all of my tricks. You beckon with curled fingers, and the intent in your eyes sings through my body. I stand, and slide onto the seat beside you. You take my hand, and drag your nails across my palm. I shiver, half closing my eyes. I'm speechless now, out of tricks, watching you with eyes filled with both wariness and longing. You glance to the waitress and the other patrons, and my eyes follow yours, but already you are guiding my hand down. A shock runs through me as you press my fingers against the hard ridge of your cock. You hold my hand there, and lean in to whisper in my ear. "Are you wet, Grace?" I shift on the seat, feeling the moisture in my cunt, and I silently nod. "Tell me, Grace. Tell me that you're wet." You're still whispering, and so I whisper too, bowing my head as breath trickles past my lips. "I'm wet, Master." You stroke my hand along your length, through the fabric of your pants, and make a small sound of satisfaction that almost makes me moan aloud. "I know what you're thinking, Grace." I catch my breath, and look guiltily up into your eyes. You lean in close again, and your breath washes over my ear, teases at my sensitive throat, so that I'm shuddering again. "Tell me, Grace...tell me what you'd like to do with my cock." I'd thought before that you would be nervous speaking to me in such a way, in person, but you seem so at ease. My fingers rub ever so slightly against you, and you press my hand down, holding it still. I bring my lips close to your ear, aware that my breath is unsteady, and that images of your cock are flooding my mind. "I want to suck your cock, Master. I want to taste it, to wrap my lips around it and hear you groan in pleasure. I want to rub my lips raw on your length, and feel you pulse and cum in my mouth." Very surreptitiously, you brush the backs of your fingers over one of my breasts, and the slight contact with my sensitive nipple startles a soft, tiny moan from my lips, so close to your ear. "Good girl." you tell me, and release my hand. "I think it's time for us to go." I hold my fingers against you for a moment longer before slowly withdrawing them, but not before the soft pad of my thumb has traced the shape of your tip. You shudder, and give me a stern look, and I can barely hide my smile as I slide out of the booth. You leave money on the table for your food, for my untouched coffee and pastry, and I bite my lip, thinking of the treat I'd rather have. With your hand at the small of my back, you guide me out, and I show you where the car is. You guide me instead to the side of the building, to a place where shadows and bushes and a dumpster provide some cover from watching eyes. My own eyes are wide as I look around, and when I turn back to you, your pants are unfastened. You wait for me to look before you part the sides of your pants, and push your underwear down to let your cock jut free. I'm down on my knees before I know what I mean to do, and you chuckle, that wicked chuckle that makes my heart skip a beat. "May I, Master?" I beg at your feet, my cheek close to your cock, but not yet touching. You nod, and I release my held breath in a sigh as I part my lips, and take your cock into the heat of my mouth. You feel better than I imagined, like silk on my tongue...silk over steel, pulsing and dripping into my mouth. I push my lips down along your length, taking in as much of you as I can bear, and then I slowly withdraw, tilting my head on the way back, rotating my mouth around you. I know I have a lot to live up to, considering all the times I've described doing just this, either to you or your characters, and I hope I won't disappoint you. You pleasured sounds are beyond reassuring, and they spur me on to further experimentation, so that I may find all the techniques that please you. You begin to thrust towards my mouth, and your fingers find my hair, curling in tight. You don't shove me down, or choke me, but you move inside of my mouth, and hold me in place. My lips are already raw with friction, and my tongue aches from its busy attention to your length, but I don't seek to pull away. Faster and faster you thrust, and I match my descent to your rise, my cheeks hollowing as I increase the suction around your cock. You moan louder, but cut the sound short because of where we are, your fingers tightening in my hair instead. And then, with a final, powerful thrust, you spill your seed onto my tongue. I swallow it all, and seek more with a rub of my thumb along the underside of your shaft that pushes the last few droplets into my eager mouth. You stroke my hair now, and urge me to stand. "Good girl." you tell me again, and "That was very nice..." I wiggle and grin at your praise, my lips dark from rubbing against your cock. "...for a quickie. Just wait until I get you home..." Again my eyes grow wide and round, but I can say nothing. I'm too busy licking my lips, savoring the taste of you that lingers on my tongue.
3/20/2017 5:30:17 PM
I wrote this back when I was first starting on this kinky journey, when I thought the Master/slave dynamic was the only option. This isn't who I am any more, but it's not so far off that it seems like a stranger wrote it. Apr. 22nd, 2008 Delicious You stand there with your pants unfastened, your cock in your hand. At the tip trembles a tiny droplet of precum. I crawl to you on hands and knees, my eyes fixed on your cock, on the shining drop that my tongue aches to taste. I lick my lips, hungry for it, but just as I reach you and rise up to my knees to take you into my mouth, you lift your cock away from my mouth. "Beg for it like the slut you are.", you tell me. Your voice makes me melt, but it's the sight of that drop sliding down from your slit to the underside of your head that makes the words leap to my tongue. "Please, Master, please let me worship your cock. Please let me feel the silk of your cock on my tongue, and taste your seed. Let me pleasure you, Master, and show you what a good slut I am." You smile, making that small, pleased chuckle that never fails to send sweet shivers through my body, and lower your cock to my lips. You don't let me take it in at first, but rub it against my bottom lip, coating it with the salty taste of your precum. And then you show mercy, and push it against my lips, letting me take you hungrily into my mouth. I'm like a starved animal, my eyes closing in ecstasy as my lips close around your cock. I take in as much as I can, and then pull back, wetting the length of it. I use my lips and tongue to coax delicious sounds of pleasure from you. Just when I think you'll cum in my mouth and let me swallow your seed, you shove me back and push my legs up and apart. You sink deep into me, into my cunt, pumping hard into me, giving me no chance to become used to the hard feel of you inside of me. I cum almost instantly, screaming and arching my body beneath you. I clutch at my breasts, my nails raking across their softness, leaving my nipples hard, red and tender. You give me no chance to recover before you pull out of me, and use the juices of my own soaking cunt to ease your passage into my tight ass. You bring me to orgasm again, and again it is quick, because I've trained myself for you. My ass tightens around your cock as I moan and writhe, making helpless noises of abandon, holding nothing back from you. And then you cum inside of me, filling me with your seed, and bringing me to orgasm again with the swelling of your cock inside of me. Aftershocks tremble through me, making me whimper as you hold yourself inside of me, softening, watching me as I quake for you.
3/20/2017 5:29:04 PM
I wrote this back when I was first starting on this kinky journey, when I thought the Master/slave dynamic was the only option. This isn't who I am any more, but it's not so far off that it seems like a stranger wrote it. Feb. 28th, 2008 Master says I mustn't... I stand in the shower, my mind drifting to my Master's instructions...my homework for this week. I've been letting the anticipation of completing this homework build through the week, and my body is ripe and hungry. The hot water cascades over my body, soothing away the weariness of sleep, and waking me to the sensitivity of my body. I rub the bar of soap between my palms, and then in turn rub my soapy palms over my skin, gliding over my breasts, my belly, my waist, my backside, and my hips. The soap is scented with roses...a sensual, earthy scent that puts me back in touch with the body I tend to lose track of during the week's stress. I pay attention to my breasts again. My nipples are already tight, and I shiver as my fingers rubbed over them. I cup my soap covered, rose scented breasts, lifting them, feeling their weight in my palms. My fingers and thumbs lay claim to my nipples on my Master's behalf. I pinch and tug them gently, my mouth opening in an expression of pleasure, though only a soft sigh emerges. They are so sensitive that I can only play with them for a few moments before my back is arching, and the pleasurable pressure of my touch skates the edge of pain. My hands slide lower, and I lift a foot to the edge of the bathtub to open myself. I'm wet from toying with my breasts, but it is still an effort to wriggle a finger past my opening. I use my middle finger, the longest, and curl it inside of me, rubbing it hard against the soft wall of my cunt. Pleasure spreads through me, and again my mouth opens in a silent moan, but before I can cum, I pull my finger out and rub it against my clit instead. Small, tight circles make my tender little clit jump, and when I think I can control my reaction enough, I push my finger back into myself, and curl it rapidly once more against my g-spot. I bring myself right to the edge of orgasm, but I don't remove my finger. Instead I speak the words I was instructed to say. "Master says I mustn't cum without His permission." Except that I don't speak them smoothly. I stutter over them between sharp breaths as I hover on the edge of pleasure. But those words hold me back, and I remove my finger, cleaning my puffy, hungry sex under the stream of water. Now it throbs gently, reminding me of what I've done this morning. It is an ache that will last through the day, and will bring him frequently to mind.
12/24/2016 3:14:42 PM
Cross posted. Please note that the following does not mean I am meat for just anyone. If anything, it means I have to be even more choosy than most submissives, because it takes a very particular set of qualities to handle someone like me. I am in constant control of my own libido. I have to be, because otherwise I'm afraid I would be propositioning every stranger with a set of nice shoulders or a dashing smile for an alleyway blowjob. I don't know if that's what would actually happen, because I very, very rarely let go of the leash I hold on myself. What I do know is that if I gave in to every sexual urge that pops into my nasty little mind, I wouldn't have anything left for living a normal life. I would just let myself drown in sex. And it's exhausting, holding this control, constantly guaging how tight of a grip to hold so that I don't stifle my sex drive completely, but I also don't let it go all crazy and break the trust of those I care about the most, or lead me into a dangerous situation. I've found all these little, low risk ways of releasing pressure for myself...but they're like eating carob when what you really want is the kind of bittersweet chocolate that almost gives you a heart attack. It takes the edge off, but it's never really satisfying. Or if I do indulge, it's only the tiniest bite, and I have to reclaim control before the flavor's even left my tongue. So I'm left looking back at these little pockets of satisfaction in my life, and already longing for the next taste, and the next. So when I seek out a Dominant lover, what I'm looking for is not only the combination of pleasure and pain that usually comes with that type of union, or someone to fuck me with a hand on my throat. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be able to say "He made me do it." But with someone who really has the qualities I need, we both know that whatever it was he "made" me do probably only needed the slightest suggestion on his part. What I really need is someone to hand the leash over to. Someone who is in control of himself enough that he can also control me. Because I need a controlled environment in order to let go, completely and without restraint (although there could, and probably should be, actual restraints involved.) I don't need someone to blame as much as someone who can channel all that pent up sexual energy in a way that might leave me blushing in shame, but won't leave me weeping in regret.
6/9/2010 5:24:46 AM
Note to would-be dominants: I am a submissive, but I'm not your submissive. Just because I have a desire to give my control over to someone else, does not automatically make you that person. Submission comes with trust, and trust has to be earned. The person to whom I submit now earned that trust by being consistently honest, present, and patient.

So any assumptions that I'm just dying to serve a complete stranger will be met with laughter, scorn and/or irritation, depending on how patient I'm feeling at the moment. Okay, truthfully, I'm usually very polite...but just know that I'm laughing scornfully on the inside.
6/7/2010 5:39:03 PM
I am a happy, happy chew toy. *sigh*
4/16/2010 9:52:53 PM
Yay! More "Who's Viewing Me?" tag!
4/10/2010 7:08:21 AM
I think I can do this. After all the flirtation and teasing last night, and no jealous feelings (except a brief mental "Aw, I wanna play.") about my former Dominant and girlfriend going to play with a new (very sweet) girl, I'm feeling very good and a lot less lost. The upshot is, I can afford to be picky without starving my submissive. I can't sink as deeply into subspace as deeply I'd like, but then that's not the kind of thing I should be doing casually anyway. So last night was kind of a test for myself...and I passed! Yay! Bring on the kink and yummy bruises :)
4/8/2010 8:54:23 AM

The Porn Star and the Eager Fan (A collaboration) Otherwise known as "My Idea of Cybersex..."

Edited for readability (kind of a tame scene, but still hot)

PornStar: All work and no play had come to make Paul very, very antsy come end of the week. He had debated between clubs, escorts, and the typical means of snaring in some poor girl to bestow his vicious desires upon. But alas, all had turned up to be about as dry as a virgin nestled in a pool of vinegar. (Metaphorically speaking, anyway.) A career in the Adult Industry was always something that'd gotten you attention when you weren't on camera, and he was beginning to think the most ass he'd see was just that, behind a lens. The housekeeper had left the kitchen and hall a literal mess; paperwork and various mailings scattered all over the place -not to mention it needed a good dusting. What was he paying her for again? Good question. Amongst these, fingers had leafed and managed to find the appropriate number to call. Something to take the edge off - though he was a bit skeptical considering it wasn't genuine. He was bound to give anything a shot once, given his work.. and well.. it was just the type of guy Paul was! Rolling the sleeves of an adorned charcoal button dress shirt - he'd begun to collect and clean. A pressing type of chore when he'd been expecting the company of a Miss. Eyes had more than once glanced up and out one of the large windows in the front of the estate to peer towards the gate. He wasn't much for the professional, cliché type of sexual rendezvous that came with so many "call-girls", dare he designate her at this point. But it was to be expected - he'd gotten curious over what he'd been told and wanted to see just how good this woman was. Not to mention is wasn't every day that she got to tend to the needs of an Adult star. Joy.

CallGirl: There was no car to listen for in the driveway, but the chime of a bicycle bell sang out, and not long afterwards, a feminine squeak, and the clatter of a bike hitting pavement. It was followed not long afterwards by the pitter patter of tennis shoes on his walkway, and then a knock on the door. When he opened it, he'd see a fresh faced girl, probably of legal age, but young enough that there was the possibility that she was jailbait. She was dressed in low-slung jeans that revealed a small tattoo on her lower belly that read simply, "I" and a heart...and something more that was hidden beneath her waistband. Her top was red with white butterflies stenciled in a flight pattern, cut short to leave her midriff bare. It matched the red spot on her elbow that she was cradling gingerly, an injury recently sustained, perhaps. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of her neck, and it slithered down her back when she turned her big blue eyes to the man in the doorway. She blinked, and then stared, her jaw dropping open.::Oh. My. God.::her hand fell away from her scraped elbow, and she sort of swayed in place, as though she was going to faint.

PornStar: The furrow of brows met with the frame of the supposed younger girl stopping at his front door. Amusing, to state the least. Paul did in fact answer the door rather readily once she'd knocked; and could only chuckle when he'd come to glance over her form, habitual tap of index on his chin as if in thought.: `' Well. My, my.`' : An initial pause of his own, allowing her to get that reaction down to the last blink of her eyes in her stare.: `' Come in.`' : And shoulders shrugged back, taking steps to allow her entrance into the place. Of course, this followed suit with slow closing of the door once she'd stepped inside. Further investigation of that outfit came with ample placement of palms on those hips - canting his head with a lingering smile that toyed to express itself on corners of his mouth. Hell, it was almost like being on the set again..this time he could have just as easily done anything beyond the scripted dialog. The formalities would always be the same however, and though he'd put in request of what he wanted from her..it'd ultimately been down to her own personal preference in attire and demeanor. She played it well, of course.
CallGirl: She bit her lip as she walked past him, taking her eyes off of him only for long enough to see where she was going. His smile was intoxicating, far more than on the screen, and she didn't have to call upon her character to bring up a blush in her cheeks. She winced, clutching first at her side, then her hurt elbow. "Thanks for letting me in...I think I ran over a nail or something on my bike, and the neighbor said you had a pump." Her smile was slow, and naughty dimples appeared in her cheeks. "I guess she was right. You are him, aren't you? Mr. Landers?" She peeked up at him, chewing on her bottom lip again, as though uncertain. "Paul Landers? The...um." Her eyes travelled downward of their own accord to focus on his crotch. She caught herself after a momentary lapse, and immediately directed her attention elsewhere. "Ooh...nice furniture." As she walked a little further into his house. She was walking a little stiffly, presumably because of her fall, but the view was still a pleasant one. From the rear, her feminine curves were a little more obvious, in the way the jeans hugged her backside and the short cut of the shirt left visible the delicate curve of the small of her back. Her hair danced against her back, between her shoulder blades, swishing like a taunt...temptation offered in every rock of her hips.

PornStar: A snort, he had caught the shift of her eyes; and just as well - his own rose to meet the ceiling briefly. Arms pressed into lower spine as he made steps to follow her further inside the house.” I don't think I need to confirm what you already know...” he paused, before shifting limb to carefully take her own and inspect that injury. : `' Should get that cleaned up, then I can get you the pump.” His expression feigned seriousness, but of course - it was a bit of irony that he couldn't deny finding a bit amusing…to say the least. Finally releasing her limb with a mere extension of fingers - he offered the female a half-cocked grin.: `' Bathroom, or no?`' He could of course, have just gotten on to the bigger and better instances within given scenario - and something told him she may have liked that more anyway. It was an almost consuming interest of his to make even the best of actresses cream their panties genuinely. For her he'd been at a cross of simply taking what he wanted or going the route he'd done many, many times before.

CallGirl: This was his scene, his fantasy, and she'd take her cues from him, whichever way he wanted to go. But whatever route he did take, the danger of reprisal was removed. He could throw her down and fuck her silly, and she wouldn't press charges. She gasped softly when he took her arm, looking with those wide blues from his hand to his face, to his hand again, until he'd finished his inspection. "Oh, my god. I can't believe Paul Landers just touched me. My friends are going to be so jealous." She said this with utter solemnity, her fingers running over the place where the pressure of his still left warmth on her flesh. "I'm sorry." She grinned, and those dimples showed again. "It's just that I've never met a real star before. And you're so...you're so...well known." Gulp. Yeah, that hadn't been her first choice of words. "Um...bathroom. If that's okay? I'd hate to get your floor all messy." There was a pause there, and another blush that ran hot into her cheeks, making it easy to guess where her thoughts had just wandered. "So...um...this way?" She turned and took a couple of steps towards one of the halls. "I'm...Jenny, by the way." Oh, but that was dangerously close to her real name. Why was she playing games? According to his reputation, he was far too dangerous for her to mess with.

PornStar: It was a bit of a trivial guessing game when it came to where things were located within the estate. : `' Mhm.`' : Single stated response, whether or not she'd been genuine in her role was beyond him in perspective of what he did and didn't do. Well-known to most of the women he'd assaulted in the past that Paul didn't appear to care when it came to consequence. Things happened because he wanted them to. Now, forgive him for not just pouncing her the second she were through the door - but he wanted this to unravel a bit more before he so anxiously pounded his way between her thighs. She was right, he was well known - especially the portion of his form that did the most work when he was in front of an audience. `' Just touched..? That sounds a bit mediocre in comparison to what I normally do. Wouldn't you say so?`' : He really didn't have any idea that she may have been familiar with his track record, and in all honesty - it only would have persuaded him to pursue her more if he did. Paul was dangerous, though only to people that decided to cross him, reject his advances. This was where she'd been given the 'heads up' if you will. Front row seat to seeing just how smoothly things could run with a willing participant.

CallGirl: He seemed so sure of himself, but then that was part of his appeal. That unflinching confidence. Among...other things. Walking ahead of him once he'd confirmed her guess about the bathroom, she craned her neck to peek into the doors, until she found the right one. In the doorway, she turned and grinned, teeth flashing white in that smile. "Well, yeah. But that's just in the movies, right?" There was a very subtle flicker in those eyes, blues that held his for just a moment longer than was necessary. A hint that perhaps the actress knew more than she was letting on. It was the merest fissure in the smooth surface of the character, quickly healed as she slipped on into the bathroom, and hopped up to take a seat on the counter, balancing herself on the edge so she wouldn't tumble into the sink. "Are you gonna play doctor with me?" That was pure flirtation, down to the bat of her sparkling eyes, and the grin that suggested that girlish laughter was just barely beneath the surface. She held up her arm by way of clarification, and the grin became the briefest of frowns. Dedicated actress that she was...the scrape was real, but very shallow.

PornStar: His expression shifted with her hinting tone, ushering a lift off brow line as he spoke and stepped in front of her when she resided on the sink: `' Sure..`' : it'd left little to be confessed or agreed to at that point - he wasn't about to lead on to half the things he did when the public wasn't watching. It was what made him..well..him. Fingers collected around her wrist again, twisting limb just enough to peer down at her injury. No, it wasn't anything serious - but it was enough irritation to need a little something. Cabinet opened and some peroxide were pulled off the shelf; as well as a cotton ball. Avoid making that little thing squeal with rubbing alcohol. Cap twisted off, bottle tilted, and he oh-so-delicately touched her limb with the billowed surface. Wiping away traces of blood and earth to irritated skin, before he were through - tossing it in the trash: `' There all better. Don't want a sucker or anything, do you?`' : A sneer issued, primarily to himself as he put the brown bottle back in the cabinet. She didn't need a band-aid for that did she? She was a big girl, tough it out.

CallGirl: She hissed in a breath at the first touch of the cotton ball, and squirmed just a little on the sink, biting hard on her bottom lip. When he was done, she released the breath she'd been holding, her bottom lip jutting out to send a few escaped tendrils of hair fluttering in the passing breeze. If he was to glance down at her shirt, he might notice that her nipples had beaded, and were thrusting at the cotton of her shirt. Her eyes got soft and warm when he mentioned a sucker, and she couldn't help licking at her lips...but to her credit, she did not glance down. "Maybe later." She winked, and then moved to get down off of the sink, only to wince again, her fingers moving once more to her side. "I think I hurt something else, too. God, I hope I didn't crack a rib or something. Your driveway's hard." Fingers hooked under the hem of her shirt and tugged it up, as she arched her body, twisting it to look down at her side. The underside of her breast became visible 'accidentally' during her contortions. There was a slight red spot on her side, but it wasn't anything that couldn't have been produced artificially. "Do you see anything?" She looked up at him, seemingly sincerely concerned about her health, rather than making an attempt at seduction.

PornStar: Her expectations of him were rather high, since it seemed he’d become her physician as well as her favorite porn star. Apparently. His frame shifted once she'd hopped off the sink to further investigate her next area of discomfort. Paul tipped chin, eyeing her considerately while teeth snared his lower lip. For what he could see, everything appeared to be in rather nice condition.: `' Hm. I'd best check then.`' :Male frame lowered into a crouch - and regardless of what her intentions were, it was his she had to worry about. Taking the opportunity to scan pupils over the plateau of such smooth, evidently flawless skin. Thumbs brushed the length of her sides; one running right over that reddened portion as he'd let this little treatment become more or less his exploration for the time being. Nails painted ravenesque hue skimmed over her flesh; offering a slight shake of his head as dark eyes once again met her features in their ascent.: `' Nothing that won't heal in a few days..`' :and just for good measure; he leant in to press pert lips against her supposed injury. His means to delve into a taste test as muscle crept out to flick at her skin with the greeting of such a subtle, gentle affection. He was toying with her, no doubt about it.

CallGirl: If she wasn't wet already, she became so when he lowered to his knees in front of her, and skimmed his hand over the flesh that lay bare in the span between shirt and jeans. She didn't hide her reactions, either, letting him feel her tremble when he touched her, hear her soft gasp when his lips touched her skin. She had to clutch the edge of the sink when his tongue flickered out to touch her flesh. She tasted of vanilla and ripe female. "Dear god!" She uttered the words in a hushed breath, her eyes half closed and her lips half parted for softly ragged breaths to pass through unrestrained. "Are you trying to kill me? I mean, I've already soaked my panties through, and as it is I'm going to have to masturbate to within an inch of my life when I get home..." She stopped herself abruptly, and clapped both hands over her mouth, her eyes wide above her silencing hands, and watching his face carefully. Slowly, so slowly, she lowered her hands again, speaking in a near whisper, in a horrified tone. "Oh, god...I didn't mean to say that out loud. It just...It just slipped out. I didn't mean...I mean, I don't assume that because you're...that you'll...you know." She trailed off a little helplessly.

PornStar: Chin brushed the area of skin just between either set of ribs along the females' column. His features contorted into more a sarcastic gleam than anything else.: `' Of course not. `' : He rather liked his position where he resided against her, and wouldn't move until she'd just about begged him to do so. Hands however, weren't content to stay in one place; and as he eyed her for a change in expression, the journey continued. Oh-so-boldly taking into consideration that she was just there to fill a role and nothing more. Though he'd have to mark her for a splendid performance thus far! Paul's fingers dipped low, pulling at the waistline of denim, leafing the button from its sheath - zipper would follow, expelling a single breath against her skin as he toyed with the idea of removing her cloth that adorned lower half. Finally, head tipped to lower eyes, accompanying his investigation as his fingers worked together to begin tugging jeans and those apparently soaked panties down her hips. Just enough forthe top of her sex to peek out at him, as well as that stated tattoo earlier. His pause was to torment, of course. Not that he wouldn't do what he wanted anyway - but every once and a while he liked hearing it from them..this was one of those times.

CallGirl: She made a soft hiccup of a sound, a moan stifled, perhaps, when his chin brushed her flesh...and his hands moved to unfasten her pants. She did not move to stop him. Her hands were too busy gripping the edge of the sink so that her knees wouldn't go all wobbly and let her fall down. Just as he was watching her, she was watching him, scarcely daring to breathe now as he peeled her pants apart, and began to edge them down. She watched him most carefully when that tattoo came into view, her teeth biting hard on her bottom lip, turning the flesh pale around them. The first part was followed by the elegantly scripted pair of words: "German Steel." She hadn't been lying about the panties. The red cotton was definitely moist, dark where it was been pressed against her sex. Her hips squirmed a little with his pause. There was a tiny mole that had been revealed too by the push of her panties downward, like a beauty mark on her sex...genuine, unlike the tattoo, which would last a week or two before it faded away. No curls of dark hair peeped above the panties, a clue that if he pushed those panties down further, he'd find her shaved clean. Meanwhile, she waited for his response to the tattoo.

PornStar: A response from the tattoo. Well, it was creative - that's for sure. Lips pulled into a brief smirk as well; just long enough for her to take note of the amused expression on his face. He didn't wait long before unveiling the rest of her skin as well..moisture? That much was evident by no doubt the telltale sign of damp undergarments, as well as the scent. He'd always loved that. Exploring a woman's sex was a bit of a morbid fascination to him - so when jeans and underwear were brought to her knees; he took it upon himself to lean back in to her, ushering her thighs to part as much as they could for him with how she'd been posed and situated to near nudity. Fingers became tainted with the obvious sign of her arousal once he began groping her, running thumb along her hairless slit. Other hand rose to assist in pulling lips apart to pert lips in a gentle exhale of air to greet the glistening flesh of her clitoris and labia. Just how long could Paul last before going further? That answer came with the press of mouth to the very top of mound, carefully sweeping wet muscle across her skin as he sought out for perhaps the most addicting of tastes to come. His attentions consisting of soft kisses and nips - in particular to the area that'd make her squirm from his attention. Hooded bead pulled between lips in a torturous little suckle. By now he'd pretty much nuzzled his face right into her cunt, and palms attempted to force those delicious little thighs to part more for him. If it were even possible. Quite the lewd scene they had here.

CallGirl: From the smirk on his face, she apparently didn't have to explain that "I heart German Steel" meant him, of course. Or rather, that part of him that graced so many adult films, and made them so much more than ordinary fuckflicks. She continued to chew at her lip as she watched him, hoping...unable to stop herself from rambling, briefly..."I...I can't believe this is happening. It...it's like some movie...or...or Penthouse let...oh!" And his fingers shut her up neatly, as they groped at her swollen, slick lips. Her pants slipped down a little further when he urged her legs apart, but not enough for her to spread them fully...and he'd rendered her too distracted to do anything about them, although she did manage to kick one sneaker off by hooking her toe onto its back. She was dark pink inside, her clit a small, hooded nub that was just barely big enough to suckle. Her opening was smooth, darker within, and glistening with fresh lubrication brought on by the tease of his exhalation. She whimpered, and one of her hands rushed to her mouth, so that she could close teeth around the knuckle of her index finger. It didn't help. The touch of his mouth rocked her head back, and her moan rose unrestrained and tremulous towards the ceiling. Her hips squirmed indeed, pushing desperately towards his mouth. "Yes...yes, please..." Odds were good she didn't even know what she was saying, or how that razor edge of raw need sang out in her voice.

PornStar: Whether or not what he was doing to administer her reactions was for his own gratification or not - was known to one person. Him. For now, savoring her flavor seemed to be the best way to go, almost curiously peeking over the skin of her femininity as he did. Fingertips dipped further south - teasing entrance to her chasm as they did so, and eventually pairing two to push themselves within for a few even strokes to temporarily satisfy a growing desire. Literally. She'd be amazed once he shed to her the reaction straining the fabric of his slacks from all of this. Once of course, he'd tempted himself to further this little experimentation of her will; Paul pulled himself from her loins, allowing that skin to remain soaked in his trails. Hands worked her cloth from her legs completely, lifting each foot - and removing the remaining shoe from her heel as well. Now, where to toss her up to finish this? Eyes shifted right back to the sink, and so a grip to her hips, hoist, and press later - she was again seated. Bare ass to porcelain. Hands then collected fistfuls of silk off his back - pulling the top over his head and from his skin to allow such a flutter on to the floor near her own clothing. : `' Let's keep it simple, hm?`' : In reference to him getting fully nude. He didn't need to - she'd see all she needed to just by him popping that button. With steps to near her again, a quirked grin followed the content little stare he'd delivered to her - her wrist grasped, guided down beneath his garments to feel the reaction she'd wanted from him. A full swelling of his shaft skin, the organ throbbing once he'd coaxed her into caressing him.

CallGirl: She swayed against the sink's support, giving him plenty to taste, thick and musky and slightly sweet. Her folds parted for the push of fingers, and muscles gripped them tight once they were inside, pulsing with the first tremor of deep pleasure. When his mouth and hands left her, she was aching and ready, and the eyes that opened when he stripped her pants away were glossy with desire. Her will was Jell-O. He'd reduced it to such with his mouth and hand, and rendered her sweetly, hungrily pliable. She made a soft sound and a slight shudder when her heated skin met the cool porcelain, but the reaction was forgotten in the next moment, as he began to strip himself down. Or at least his shirt, anyway. The pop of the button yanked her eyes downward, even before he guided her hand there, and she didn't need much coaxing to go further. Eagerly her fingers found his length, and curled around that stiff, silken shaft with a greedy grasp. She ran her hand all the way up, and then all the way down again, and the expression on her face must've been priceless. It was more genuine than the one she'd met him with at the door, but the surprise was the same. "It really is that big. Bigger. I thought they used trick photography...Ho...lee..." Her other hand moved then, unzipping his pants, or unbuttoning them, or tearing them open if that's what it took. One handed, of course, because her other hand was still busy stroking, caressing...worshiping his flesh. Then, unless he stopped her, that is, she would ease that monster from its confinement, and bend at the waist, legs spreading far apart on the edge of the sink, and her hand reaching back to grip the faucet to help her balance. Stretching out her tongue for just a taste of him. It was only fair, since he'd had a taste of her already.

PornStar: Paul deemed to let her do what she wanted. For now. The caress to his skin lovingly offered her praise. A simple `' good girl.`' :Eyes that danced over her features quite brilliantly, soon filtered with haze, lids falling to shut as she took it upon herself to unclothe him more. The presence of fingers around him only got better, when at last - he was feeling the trace of her tongue as well. There came that delighted little grunt, quite voraciously arching his pelvis up towards her in response. No, no digital enhancement when it came to the sheer length of his girth..and no matter what anyone said, size did matter. Especially when you fucked for a living. His face turned to expel several deep breaths from the contact, his resolve burning to gain control over her once again. Gaze were brought unto that form once he'd noted how wonderfully spread she was for him, awaiting that shift of dominance he'd almost seemed to temporarily lose when her own feast of tasting his skin. The once present layer of sticky
pre cum lapped from his flesh in her doings, and that was enough thanks for him to move on. Pushing little doll back into her rightful place; nestling himself quite nicely between her legs while fingers grasped the base of arousal. Tip pressed between her folds, and then came that delightful plunge..nothing slow or steady - but an all-out forced thrust to make her accommodate his prick once it invaded her lining and stretched her to a snug fit. Circular gyration followed, feeling the throb of her button against his pubic bone. That was enough for introduction. Hips maintained that signature rocking motion, pulling back to nearly deprive her of his fulfillment - only to prove he knew how to handle himself when he jutted back into her depths. Palms carefully pressed on each of her thighs as a means for guidance, not to mention he'd be ready to leave some nice bruising there by the time he was done.

CallGirl: Eyes rolled up to his face as she lapped at that creamy prelude, and savored his reactions with an intensity, a very lucid hunger, that might have unnerved, had he been looking her way. By the time his eyes opened again, her own were closed with concentration as her tongue explored that slitted tip, only to be denied further taste of him as he pushed her back. Back into character. She bit at one side of her bottom lip, and watched that monster be guided to her tunnel, which seemed so small by comparison. Her breath caught when he plunged deep...she could manage no more, not at first, with the press of that thickness and length inside of her. It stretched her almost unbearably, and her muscles closed in tight around it, even as he began to move. And what movement...it seemed to take eons for him to nearly pull out, and then push back in again. She quickly lost count of his strokes, though her voice returned with a soft, strangled whimper, deep in the back of her throat. Her thighs pinned, the ache of his hand's press on her thighs was sweet torment, a pressure pain that provided counterpoint to the deep shove of his muscle inside of her. She got, if possible, even wetter, leaving his shaft shining with each retreat. Her hips struggled to move, to meet his thrusts or to escape...she didn't seem to be sure...but his hands kept her pinned like a butterfly to a collector's mat. Her hands had somehow found a place to brace behind her, but her head still knocked against the mirror when it fell back, a sudden groan escaping as the first flutter of pleasure caught her by surprise. "So...so...fucking...deep."

PornStar: The ease to make his journey even smoother was almost surprising. Almost. He'd had some soaked pussy before, and so the delicious lubrication only seemed to persuade him to pump into her harder. As hard as that tight little chamber of walls would allow - in his efforts to assault her loins, he'd dispelled a series of grunts, groans, and shudders; no doubt that embedded tip squirted lovely amounts of substance hindering at potential when at last this 'German Steel' erupted. Not yet, of course..he still had quite a bit of stamina to fuck her left within him. The brace of hands on her legs had opened her up rather nicely; leaving him to torture that cervix each time he'd pummeled into her hips in a drastic collision. Chin tipped back, pressing lips in a hissed sigh to the contortion of those lovely walls clenching him much like a gripping palm. Exertions already had a sheet of sweat covering his frame; though that was a mere formality in the contortion of tensing and arching muscle in his demands to poke and prod at the female's chasm until she'd done just what he wanted her to do. His mindset had been made, and no doubt the actress portraying her role had managed to find some worthwhile desire in this scene she was playing out for him. Something else would accompany her character as well - and that was the wonderful climax he'd been working so hard to feel. It would be the ultimate means of persuading him to release inside her, but those displaced little statements of filth she'd ushered moments before might be nice, too.

CallGirl: She gave up trying to fuck him back, and just took it, her senses overwhelmed by the feel of him inside her. The pounding rhythm against her cervix and the pain that it left blooming with each retreat was mediated by the stroke across tender nerves, all along the way. And that in turn was made all the more intense with the balance of pain. Her sounds of tortured pleasure were flowing more freely now, and she'd given up trying to brace herself with her hands, letting her back fall against the cold mirror instead. As pleasure built relentlessly, her hands roamed across that mirror, seeking purchase on something, and finding none. "N..no...no...too much...too soon. Don't stop..." and then a gasp, a high moan. She reached for him, nails scraping his belly before she arched against the mirror. "Yes, yes...fuckmefuckmefuckme..." Her climax came hard. Her body had been arched before, but now her breasts lifted even higher, still wrapped in their cotton covering, and her spine bent sharply enough that the top of her head met the mirror, instead of the back of it. Inside, the effect was just as dramatic...proving that she wasn't faking it. Muscles shuddered and pulsed as powerful spasms shook their way through her, jerking her body as though it was on puppet strings, and each time producing a moan or a curse or a plea.

PornStar: Amongst everything she could give him, this apparently was the most genuine. That clench and release of inner walls about his impaling shaft emitted his own set of delightful sounds. Rejoicing in her orgasm - while he allowed the flow of her honey to tell him it was real. Paul would bestow upon her more punishment, to both body and sex as he hammered into her the remaining likeness of his treat - until at last, he'd offer her the reward. Either of her legs lifted and grasped with pierce of his nails - guiding that luscious little rear end to bounce against his sac as thrust by thrust, he'd coaxed waves of warmth to pour from one body into its partner. This being the announcement of his own climax, seed pumped into her spread slit as he continued to assault her even though she was spent as it were. Pupils lowered, eventually shutting to the ferocity of his release. It only ceasing once his jerks to pummel her walls slowed, exhaling in succession with the signature sounds of met, soaked flesh. The shared fluids mixing and dripping down his balls; perhaps her ass cheeks as well. At last, when muscles refused to aid him any longer - he poised himself up against her, regaining composure as palms came to press on either of her sides, lowering skull to press forehead into the crevice between her breasts. Breathing into the material of her shirt rather greedily.

CallGirl: She'd always been a sensitive soul, and it was part of the reason she was so good at what she did. She could read others well enough to find her cues, and her body's responses didn't need to be faked. If anything, they were only amplified by the roles she played, and her client's reactions to them. So when he shifted position, yanking her towards him and changing the angle of his thrusts...when she felt the swell of him in that moment before his seed spilled...she hit another peak that had her muffling her near screams against the back of her hand, while the other tried frantically to find some balance for her on the sink's top, now that her legs were in the air and all. The resulting spasms milked the seed from his spurting shaft, until the overflow trickled down his balls along with her own juices, and down along the crack of her ass as well as the cheeks. She could feel it oozing past that rear opening as he leaned against her, bringing his heavy, hot head to rest between her breasts. Her breathing matched his in pace, though hers was directed to one side as she rolled her head to feel the coolness of the mirror or the tile, whichever was closest...she wasn't looking...against her overheated brow. Periodically, the aftershocks of pleasure would tighten her around him, and make her body tense beneath him, spawning a soft, small vocalization in the process. Fingers came up to push her hopelessly rumpled hair back from her face, and then, when eyes slitted open, to brush against his head as well, offering the softest of caresses from crown to nape. "I'm going to have to say so many Hail Marys for this..." Words uttered without regret, and followed by a breathless laugh.

PornStar: Face shifted once she'd spoken, contour of his frame pulling from hers. Eyes rose to meet her gaze, as Paul attempted to straighten himself; leaving that prick right where it'd been for the past several moments. He was getting soft inside her..slowly. But that didn't mean his followed words didn't implicate them both in some way.: `' You make it sound as if we're done.`' : Stated with a rather cocky tone. There was no need for further innuendo - they'd just gotten about as lewd as they could, considering the situation - but nonetheless, he offered her a 'Paul' worthy grin. Carefully taking a step back to pull his hips from her - gliding that flesh from its previous, lovely confines. Fingers toyed with the fabric of his pants, offering her an almost considerate gaze - before speaking again.: `' Now how often is it that you actually get to screw in the bathroom? I think I've got what.. thirty rooms in the house. At least..`' : his expression shifted to a more serious nature, and he was serious at best. A one-time bang was fun and all.. but he had more curiosities to pose her in at best. Yes, pose..excellent way to phrase it.

4/6/2010 8:31:07 AM

If I had to choose a fairy tale that represents my mood and temperament most closely, I wouldn't choose one with a princess as the central focus (even if Snow White did get to have the attention of seven little men, and wear a corset.)

Part of me is drawn to Little Red Riding Hood, because I couldn't say that I wouldn't be easily distracted by the prospect of gathering flowers far from the path of goody-goodness, or that I wouldn't be tempted by a big, bad wolf, even if he was dressed in my granny's clothes.

And part of me is drawn to Puss in Boots. Catlike, clever, full of tricks, determined to put his Master in a position of power...and he got to wear those delicious boots. In the end, he sat purring at the feet of his Master and his new bride, and never had to chase mice again, except for entertainment. The only drawback, of course, is that his Master was a bit of a simpleton, easily manipulated, which might be fun at first (cats do, after all, enjoy something to toy with) but would quickly lose its appeal.

If I had to choose, I'd be a Red Riding Hood in Boots, all cleverness and naivete wrapped up together in a splash of crimson velvet and a dash of leather. I would roam through these dark, kinky woods, devouring the random upstart ogre through my trickery, and search the shadows always for a pair of gleaming, greedy eyes, a Master (or dominant) worthy of putting in a place of power. Someone that would encourage me to go picking flowers, and be waiting for me, always, at the end of the trail.

4/4/2010 8:53:58 PM
Yay, it's my kinkaversary! Two years of debauchery, and ready for more.
4/3/2010 7:53:11 AM
Yesterday was my chocolate binge day. I do this usually every  months, because ordinarily, I can't have chocolate because it gives me migraines. But every once in a while, I track down the best chocolate, and gleefully overload my system...then accept the pain that comes afterward.

There's nothing quite like a chocolate hangover. Every limb aches, my skin feels tender and vulnerable and sweet, and yet it somehow doesn't make me want to curl up and hide. Instead, I want to be devoured, feel the sting of hand or paddle or whip, get fucked hard, pushed to my limits until tears are streaming down my face and I can't hold anything back. Every sense is honed to a razor's edge, so that even my morning coffee is orgasmic, the heat of it rolling across my tongue and down my throat, the rich, nutty flavor dancing on my taste buds, the warmth of the mug pressing like a lover's kiss against my lips.


Later on, today or tomorrow, I'll have pain throbbing in my head that will make it impossible to think, that will turn my stomach and drive me half mad. Only then I will slink away from my body like a vandal with an empty can of spray paint and a well used baseball bat, feeling slightly guilty but mostly elated at the damage I leave behind. Because this feeling, right now, and the taste and texture of the chocolate last night, makes it all worth it.
3/24/2010 3:41:47 PM
So one of my recent writing assignments was to make up a list of what I'm looking for in my next relationship, both in a male (dominant) and a female (switch or sub.) But this afternoon, I was wondering if I should broaden my experiences. I've never been with a female dominant, mostly because while I am bisexual, my preference has usually been slightly skewed onto the male side of that spectrum, but also because when it comes to females, the physical chemistry's a bit more choosy. So what I'd love is to hear from any bisexual women, dominant, switch or otherwise, about the D/s dynamic between females.
3/21/2010 9:05:44 PM
I'll be donating a box of Betty Boop stuff to the Edges Rummage sale to take place at Edges on April 3 from 10am to 2pm. So if you're into Boopabelia or good deals on other gently used items, or just want to support the local dungeon, that's the place to be.
3/21/2010 2:10:29 PM
I just realized that the second anniversary of my first official kinky experience is coming up on April 4th. Two years has gone by so quickly...and there have been so many fun experiences along the way since I first bent over a stool at a play party and felt the sting of a hand striking flesh.

Though I've tried many other things besides spankings since then, it's still one of my favorites. I think I'll celebrate with a spanking at the fundraiser for the local dungeon next weekend, if I can find someone I trust to redden my bottom. Here's to the future, and the delicious adventures ahead!
3/20/2010 2:06:22 PM
Why I almost certainly won't meet you, or let you call me, or play on Yahoo with you if I've met you on Collarme (or, some examples of why internet dating is not nearly as simple as it should be.)

1. I can't even begin to count the number of people I've met online here who later turned out to be completely different from who or what they presented themselves to be at the outset.

2. Of the dominants I've met from here (but didn't play with), one yelled at me because I said I didn't feel that we were a good fit, one came within a hair's breadth of date raping me and then begged (repeatedly) for another chance, and the last set off my creep-o-meter so badly that even I could hear it (and I'm usually pretty creep-tolerant.)

3.
The of the two men I've met here and played with in person, one didn't really know what he was looking for until he found it, and then didn't inform me that it wasn't me. Even then, he tried to keep me on the side in secret without letting me know that I had become "the other woman". The other was the exception to the rule. He was terribly sweet and capable, but not the best fit for what I was looking for...nor was I the best fit for him.

4. Of the few guys I gave my phone number to (see #2 and #3), the one I didn't meet continued to pressure me for a meeting for months after I told him I wasn't interested in meeting in person.

5. Of the people I've added to Yahoo chat from here, there are about 4 that I actually talk to every once in a while, because they've turned out to be very nice, reasonable, reliable people who know how to hold a conversation. I've blocked the rest for the following reasons: One took advantage of a vulnerable moment in which I slipped into subspace via chat (yes, I know it's hard to believe, but it happened. I know, I was there.) One began every other sentence with a demand or a plea for my phone number. And another sent random, crass remarks inviting me to cyber with him. Other unfortunates displayed similar tendencies, with few variations.

A side note about cybersex: I've been there, done that, and earned a diploma (or could, if they offered diplomas for that kind of thing.) And unless someone is very, very good (meaning that they can spell and have excellent grammar, use vivid description and have a phenomenal imagination. God, how I love a man with a big vocabulary, who knows just how to use it.) I will be bored to tears. So usually I save that energy for writing erotica.

The point of semi-rant is that I've had experience in increasing contact with people from CM, and most of it has not been good. I much prefer to meet people in person, at local social events, and then to find about about their interests and have a chance to watch them "in action" before I even consider playing with them. Even meeting on another non-dating focused kinky site makes a face to face meeting much more likely.

What I do enjoy on CM is conversation in periodic messages sent through CM format (not email or yahoo.) I love to talk about erotica, about experiences in BDSM, about life in general. I'm an intelligent woman who likes intelligent (though not necessarily serious) conversation. So if you're looking for a pretty girl who will give you attention while accepting yours, including mild flirting and common courtesy but little chance of an in person meeting, feel free to send me a message.
 


3/2/2010 7:15:33 AM
Writing assignment is going well. Now I just need to find the time to work on chapter 3 of my book...and to find my little cheat-sheet about the vampiric details of the twisted little world I'm making.
11/29/2009 10:58:29 AM
Stuck on a current assignment. Sometimes it helps to write it down, to identify where the block is, to let my brain ramble a bit until I can find where the heart of the knot is. The topic: Processing pain. I know how I process regular pain, the kind I get from a migraine, or from stubbing my toe. It may not be the best way, the healthiest, but it's effective. I ignore it, until I can't any more, then I cry. Then I go back to ignoring it until it goes away. If it's not the kind that will go away on its own (chronic pain), then I ignore it until I can do something about it.

So, that kind of pain, I know well enough. It's the sensual kind I'm having a hard time pinning down. I get caught up in the moment, focused on sensations, only half aware of my reactions, and straining instead to drink in his, or hers. I know that part of the reason for this assignment is to make me focus on the pain, to keep me from floating off into subspace so quickly or so deeply, but I'm sincerely interested in the answer. It's a challenge, one that pushes into the analytical part of my mind and makes me want to puzzle it out.
10/11/2009 8:32:51 AM

Gardenias

She left the noise and laughter of the party inside, and stepped out through the French doors, closing them softly behind her. Immediately, the sounds of the party were muffled, and the night’s cool silence pressed in on her. The air smelled sweet, of some flower planted along the garden wall, and her slowly adjusting eyes picked out white blossoms among the shadowed greenery. Stepping further out, she felt her feet sink into the softness of the slightly moist grass, and the tips of it reached past the soles and sides of her sandals to tickle at her toes.

She tried to find peace in this, the quiet, the fragrance, the soft press of the night against her skin…but she was burning, her mind inflamed to such a degree that the stars above went unnoticed, as did the round eye of the moon that bathed the patio in cool light. All she could think of was him, the way he looked at her, the way his arm had accidentally brushed hers at dinner, the way his voice dipped low when he laughed, and rolled sensually when a jest trickled seamlessly off the end of his honeyed tongue. Just thinking about that tongue made her tremble, and wrap her arms around herself. She could still remember the feel of it on her skin, teasing at the tight tip of a breast, bringing her torturous pleasure between her thighs. The feel of him was burned onto her memory, kept fresh by the fevered dreams and heated fantasies that replayed portions of their last evening in her mind, sharpening her memories until she could recall, without much effort, the feel of each fiber of the blanket beneath her as she writhed with pleasure, and each bristly hair of the stubbled growth on his chin, as it rubbed against her heated flesh.

She sought distraction as these memories once again flowed into the forefront of her thoughts, painting her cheeks with a hot blush that was thankfully hidden by the darkness of the evening. A breeze once again carried the fragrance of flowers to her, and she stepped away from the halo of light by the doors to seek out the source. Gardenias, she thought they might be, and added the soft scrape of her shoes to the night sounds as she made her way along the path to the corner of the house. Yes, there were the white blossoms, sprinkled through the greenery like soft-petaled stars. She drew close to one and closed her eyes as she inhaled the almost cloying fragrance. With eyes closed, she did not see the shadow that moved behind her, and had no time to make even a sound before a hand slid over her mouth, and an arm around her waist. With a jerk of motion that sent her head spinning, she found her back pressed against the side of the house, the bricks cold and unyielding through the thin fabric of her dress. The moonlight was just bright enough to see his face, the devilish curve of his smile, and the wicked gleam in his eye. He still held his hand over her mouth, but it was his body that held her pinned in place. Her dress was little protection against the heat of his skin. Her hands flew up, to push at his chest, but the effort was little more than a token gesture. She didn’t want him to step away. The nearness of him was intoxicating, and already she could feel herself succumbing to the spell of desire he so easily wove around her. Still, they shouldn’t be doing this, not like this, not with friends carrying on pleasant conversations just on the other side of the wall. She murmured a protest against his hand, but he pressed it harder against her lips, and she quieted at this silent demand.

His slight smile of approval was followed by a loosening of his grip on her mouth, but he didn’t remove it. His other hand darted downward, pushed up under her skirt, and with unerring accuracy, found the hot center of her, and the telling dampness of her panties. Her cheeks burned all over again at his smile, and at the involuntary shudder of her body as his fingers slid past her panties to stroke at the soft, swollen cleft beneath. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she moaned softly against his fingers. She felt, rather than saw, as he leaned in closer. His hot breath washed against her ear, and she arched slightly as his fingertip traced over the small, tender bump of her clit. “I knew you’d be wet, little minx. You’ve been teasing me all night, and look what it’s done to you.” She gasped as he pushed one finger into her and curled it against the tender spot within. He didn’t linger, but gathered moisture on the tip of his finger, and then used it to zero in on her softly throbbing clit again, using the slickness to roll the little nub in small circles that made her sob beneath his fingers. “Shhhh.” He brushed a kiss against her neck in that spot that never failed to send shivers searing down through her body, to just that place his fingers toyed with. “You’ve had an effect on me, too, minx.” He pressed closer, until she could feel the thickness of him through his pants, against her thigh. A low groan rolled from her throat into a muffled release against his hand, and her hips pushed forward, seeking a deeper touch from his teasing finger. “Can you almost feel it in you?” His finger slid inside of her again, and she shuddered, her fevered eyes opening only to roll skyward, unable to hide any of the torment she felt. “Can you almost taste it? I bet it’s dripping, just a little.” She caught her breath, and her tongue brushed his palm as she tried to wet her lips. Oh, he knew just how to tease her, knew how much she enjoyed the feel of his cock in her mouth. “Would you like a taste?” He was whispering now, a trace of laughter in his voice, mocking her. But it was the heat in his tone, the thickness beneath the laughter that made her shiver and nod.

“I’m going to take my hand off of your mouth. Don’t make a sound, little minx, or you won’t have your taste.” She nodded again, and drew in a deep breath when his hand moved away. He held it close for a moment, but when she remained quiet, he lowered his hand, a soft chuckle slipping past his lips. Glancing over his shoulder, he made sure they were still quite alone before dipping a hand down into the waistband of his pants. She felt him shudder, saw his eyes close, and forgot for a moment how to breathe. Her lips were already parted when he brushed them with the tip of his finger, and delved into her mouth to stroke against her tongue. She immediately closed her lips around his finger, and, with a low groan rolling across her tongue, greedily collected the taste of his pre-cum from his skin. He pumped his finger in and out of her mouth, and his other finger in and out of her slick cunt, until she was making soft, small noises in her throat. And then, quite suddenly, he stopped.

She made a small, choked sob of a sound, her eyes seeking out his in the filtered moonlight. But he’d already bent his head near again, hiding his gaze. She stiffened and shuddered as he scraped his teeth against her neck, and his finger pushed hard against her tongue. “You want to cum, don’t you little slut? Right out here in the open, with all of our friends right on the other side of this wall, you want to get down on your knees and suck me, and to kneel in the dirt and feel my cock shoving into your cunt…don’t you?”

She hesitated, and then nodded, her cheeks hot with a blush, but her eyes filled with a different kind of heat altogether. He chuckled into her ear, and slid his finger out of her mouth. “Put your hands behind your back, between your ass and the bricks. You’re not allowed to touch me, kitten.” She made a small moue of protest, but she did as he instructed, folding her hands one over the other behind her back, palms against the bricks, and her knuckles tracing the soft curve of her buttocks through the fabric of the dress. “Good girl.” He breathed it into her ear, and she shivered, closing her eyes, her muscles clutching in a small spasm at the finger he moved ever so slightly within her. “You must not make a sound if you want to cum. The slightest squeak, the smallest moan, and I’ll stop. I want to hear nothing more than your breathing. Do you think you can do that?” She frowned, her eyes pleading with him, though she knew that tone of voice left no room for negotiation. There was no way she could be completely quiet, not with his skilled fingers manipulating her so. But the look in his eyes brooked no argument. She feared that he would stop touching her, that he would leave her here, burning, and go back inside if she said no. Reluctantly, she nodded, her lashes fanning over the curve of her cheek as she dropped her gaze. “There’s a good little slut.” He was mocking her again, but she had no chance to protest. Two of his fingers were sliding over her clit, slick with her juices. She caught her breath, and pushed her hips in a slow rotation, shuddering as his touch shifted from gentle exploration to steady, maddening circles. Her head settled back against the bricks as she arched her body, tightening her throat against the sounds that threatened to roll free. He kissed her fully exposed throat, and then, hooking his free hand in the neckline of her dress, pulled it down enough to lift a breast over the fabric. His mouth found her nipple, and she almost cried out at the combination of sensations, barely managing to stop herself in time. Her breathing became labored as he stroked mercilessly at her clit, and through slitted eyes she could see him looking up at her, watching her with that intensity that never failed to sweep her under his control.

Her body rocked against the wall, her nails scraping at the bricks as she bucked her hips lewdly at his hand. Her brow furrowed, her lips parting in soundless moans as she fought the need to vocalize the almost painful pleasure each stroke of his fingers brought. She felt the first pulse of orgasm at the same moment that he caught her nipple in his teeth, and flicked at it with his tongue, as his fingers flicked at the small, tender nub between her thighs. The pace of her breathing quickened further, and the movement of her hips became more frantic. Once again, he leaned in close, his breath washing hot against her ear. “See what teasing gets you?” He mocked her, and she bit her tongue hard, holding back the growl of sound that threatened to break free. His lips brushed her cheek tenderly, a stark contrast to the ruthless play of fingers between her thighs, or the pinch his fingers delivered to her still exposed nipple. “Cum for me, minx.” He tugged at her tender nipple, and the painful pleasure of it sent her over the edge. She managed to keep herself quiet as the first rush of orgasm took her, instead stretching her mouth in a silent scream as her entire body arched up from the wall. Pleasure pounded through her, and she clawed at the bricks behind her, seeing purchase with her bare hands. She bucked and thrashed, but did it all silently, for his pleasure, though it made the intensity of the orgasm almost unbearable.

He brought her down slowly, fingers lending little teasing touches as he withdrew his hand, settling her moist panties back into place and letting her skirts fall. She shuddered with aftershocks as the panties settled into place, and again when her thighs met, and turned her cheek to press it against the cool bricks as she tried to slow her breathing. He kissed her breast and tucked it into her dress again, then paused to suckle at the fingers he’d had inside of her, tasting her. He traced those same fingers against her bottom lip, then pushed them into her mouth, his unrelenting gaze watching her every, smallest movement. She suckled at his fingers, her eyes rolling up to meet his, letting all of her hunger show. He pushed the tips of his fingers down against her tongue, and then withdrew his hand, reaching for hers. He curled her fingers against his cock, clearly outlined beneath the fabric of his pants. His expression of pleasure, and the roll of his hips against her touch, almost sent her over the edge again. He left her hand there, touching him, and leaned in, both of his hands settling flat against the wall on either side of her head. His eyes caught and held hers as he leaned closer, and then brushed his lips against hers in a searing kiss. His mouth claimed hers in the next moment, hard and hot and demanding. A moment of liquid heat, and then he pulled away with a soft, breathless laugh, removing her hand from the thick, swollen shape of his sex and stepping back. He held out his hand to her, and she took it, with only the slightest moment of hesitation. With a smooth flex of his arm, he pulled her away from the wall, and then turned her away from him. Her body still softly throbbing from recent pleasure, she couldn’t help but utter the softest of moans as he lifted her hair, and scraped his teeth against the nape of her neck. He laughed breathlessly again, and she bit her bottom lip, hiding a smile. And then, with a pat on her bottom and a gentle push, he eased her past the corner of the house, and stepped back into the shadows.

She glanced back over her shoulder, but he was already moving away to the gate that would take him to the front of the house. Putting the back of one hand to her flushed cheek, she looked up with alarm as the French doors opened, and several of the guests poured out into the cool evening. One of them smiled at her, looking curious, and she smiled back, hoping she didn’t look as flustered as she felt. Turning away, she reached up to capture one of the fragrant flowers, and plucked it free, settling it into the darkness of her hair. Gardenias. The smell of them was now inexorably entwined with the memory of his touch, and she would never smell them again without thinking of this evening.

9/3/2009 5:26:19 AM
I'm not on here much any more because I'm hanging around on . Also, I'm seeing a lovely couple, and am no longer "on the market". I'm just over in my own little corner of the world, being deliriously happy.
8/18/2009 7:25:03 AM
I'm back and twice as sassy. Message at your own risk :D

Okay, really, I'll be polite. I'm almost always polite, even when someone else's rudeness might warrant a more...direct response. But please note: I think I've found the situation that I'm looking for, and I'm not interested in meeting anyone new for coffee, drinks, or hot, sweaty sex in a dark alley. Friends who want nothing more than to call me cute to my face
(:p) and bask in the glow of my almost completely unconditional acceptance of who and what you are may find me at local munches. I'm currently on much more frequently, so if you'd like to have a real conversation, that's a good place to go. If you don't want to have a real conversation, or if your conversation consists of "Hello." "Get down on your knees." or "Do you have Yahoo?", you'll receive my customary replies:
"Um, hi." (real scintillating conversation, no?) "No, thanks." (Did I mention I don't do cybersex? It's actually not true...I'm willing to do cybersex with people who type multiple paragraphs of description. Good description. With a solid concept of character. Oh, you're your character? No, thanks...cybersex is all about fantasy, and if you can't give me someone properly villainous in a fantastical setting, I'm just not interested.) and "Yes, I have yahoo, but I'm almost never on it." (I hate insta-chat. Hate it. When I'm at the computer, I'm almost always doing something that requires me to stay on a train of thought, and a popup note from someone just derails that and brings my productivity to a screeching halt. Sometimes, I will turn it on to talk to a specific person at a specific time, but my most effective use of it is to send messages back and forth...um...which I can do just as easily here.)

So if you're planning to message me with any of the above messages, please take a moment to read the posted responses. It'll save both of us a lot of time. If, on the other hand, you have an original introduction or an honest question, please message away. I'm always happy to help other neophytes in the kinky world, and I love having ongoing conversations with interesting people. And if I've been in contact with you already, do continue. I've met some really unique people on here, and it'd be a shame to lose contact with them.
7/26/2009 5:15:18 PM
Not looking for playmates at the moment. I'll be out of town until the 17th of August, so don't expect any replies. Hope everyone's having a great summer :)
7/15/2009 8:52:53 PM
I just coined a new phrase (I think.) Faespace. It's not subspace, and it's closer to littlespace, but not quite the same. It's where the mischievousness in me lives, and the almost animalistic sensory hedonist in me too. It's the part of me that kitty-rubs on leather clad legs, lips half parted as I breathe in the scent of leather and the body beneath. It's the part of me that darts just out of reach, and that giggles and wiggles when I'm caught. It's the part attracted by bright, shiny objects, and repelled by the mundane and banal. And it's usually the part of me that I reveal last to anyone. 
7/15/2009 7:05:59 AM
I've realized recently that when it comes to men, I have a "type". I don't mean that I don't find anyone but this "type" attractive, but rather that this "type" is where my shields are thinner, where the real me is closest to the surface, and at its most vulnerable. We all have a public persona. This "type" gets through all of that more quickly than the rest.

My "type" is...
Older. Wiser. And yet able to think young thoughts, new thoughts, without strain. Like many, I find it hard to connect with someone much younger than me. There's a certain puppy dog quality that it's hard to get past.

Adventurous. But not entirely wild. He's willing to try new things, rather than being an adrenaline junkie. And when he does try new things, he puts his whole effort into it, and really experiences it.

Truthful. To me. To himself. There is little that's more damaging than a lie, even if it's a lie of omission. I don't mean that he spends hours talking about his feelings, but that he's not afraid to do so, and that he also knows what he wants, what he likes, and he's not afraid to ask for (or demand) those things.

Beefy. Edible. Okay, not really *edible*. But recently, when I put my hand on someone's arm and felt the firmness of muscle beneath a bit of softness, I felt my heart skip a beat. He didn't have the kind of definition they show in Bowflex commercials, but he had a strength I could feel. When he is lying on the bed on his side, I should be reminded of paintings of greek gods, rather than chiseled statues. There's a shape stamped inside of me, and when I see it, I almost can't help but run my hand over the curve of his waist to his hip and thigh. It makes me want to get my paper and drawing pencils, and immortalize the moment.

Healthy. I don't mean obsessed with the latest diet trend, or that he runs 50 miles a day, or that he never gets sick. But healthy enough to enjoy life, to experience the world without chronic complaint. Able to run, if I want to play a game of tag, even if it is a short game. Comfortable in swim trunks, or hiking boots. He shouldn't be sick more often than I am.

Balanced. Broad in his desires. If he has a fetish, or a kink, it is not all consuming. It is balanced with other interests, other kinks, and he can enjoy a session without dwelling on the fact that a particular fetish might not be in the mix. I picture a pool of melting wax, rather than a stabbing blade...his interests are broad and spreading, rather than sharpened to a fixed point, with all else cut away.

Confident. Confidence is always sexy, from the rake of a pair of eyes over me that say he *knows* he can have me if he wants, to the kind of confidence that comes from knowing who he is, what he is, and having dealt with any internal conflict about being whoever or whatever that is long ago. He can be a little vulnerable, but he won't show it at first meeting. He'll reveal it on his terms, when he's ready to trust me.

Funny. Whether it's a wry smile and a witty crack at the right moment, or a string of puns, or a mumbled bad joke that he couldn't quite keep under his hat, anything that shows me that he doesn't take everything, or himself, too seriously is destined to get under my skin.

Good looking. I don't mean the kind of good looking from the movies, with chiseled jaw, high cheekbones, dimples in all the right places, and general perfect symmetry. That kind of man might take my breath away, but when faced with a breathtakingly gorgeous man, I usually get hit with some kind of hormone based stupid stick, and words completely bypass my filter as they pass from brain to mouth. I mean the kind of good looking that is real, not out of reach for someone that's always 'cute', often 'pretty' with occasional bouts of 'beautiful', but will never been Catherine Zeta Jones, or Angelina Jolie. Take someone of unearthly and almost universal beauty, like Johnny Depp, dial them down a bit, and that's where you'll find me...blushing and smiling, but still able to speak in coherent sentences.

Caring, in a perceptive way. When I am weak, he helps me to be strong, instead of leaving me alone, or beating me down further. If I need a hug, he will hold me. If I am closing down, and refusing that hug, he will draw me into his arms and force it on me, until I open up to him again, and remember how to breathe. But he also won't fall for the whole "helpless" vibe I seem to put out, and baby me all of the time. I don't know how to turn it off, but I'm not as fragile as most seem to think I am.

Wicked. And not wicked in the sense that some men *think* they are wicked, when they are really just naughty. Wicked in the way that takes the breath away. Wicked in the smile, full of intentions that lay just on the silent side of unspoken. Wicked in the eyes as they watch me, taking in details that may (and probably will) be used against me at some future point. Wicked in the way that finds a weakness, and exploits it, until I'm a puddle on the floor. Wicked in the way that waits until I am unprepared, and then reminds me of just how much he wants to do bad things to me. Wicked in the way that teases, that takes the chase and turns it around, until I can't help but follow him anywhere.
7/14/2009 11:02:25 PM
Oh, my goodness. I just followed a link to this site (scottpauldesigns.com) that has a gag used in the movie Bruno...and I have a new toy I want to add to my nightmares. The Tickler-Prickler...a sharp little pinwheel with tickling strands. There's a Windmill version that fits on a fingertip. Eep!
7/14/2009 6:46:55 PM
I know it's probably snobby of me, and I know others have mentioned this in journal entries and profiles (I know, 'cause I read a LOT of profiles)...but using "dominate" (e.g. "I am dominate.") as an adjective in a profile is such a turn-off. Almost equally alienating is not knowing when to use the plural or singular form of women. "I am looking for a women..." simply does not make sense, and indicates that someone didn't proofread their profile. And that's not even getting into the whole homophone issue.

A profile is often the first impression people get of another person on here, and leaving those kinds of mistakes in it is pretty lax. Now, I can totally understand making typos (goodness knows I make enough of my own), and I know that there are many that do not use English as their first language (and I do not envy you the task of trying to learn this complicated language),and I even understand that a lot of people have a really hard time writing a profile in the first place. But most profiles don't change very often, and a lack of editing makes me wonder (not wander) how lacking that person might be in other areas. Do they fail to follow (not fallow) through? Can they be trusted with the health and well-being of others? Do they keep their (not there or they're) equipment/toys clean, and in good condition? Or are they as careless in their playing as they are with their words, throwing things out there as they come to mind without considering what impact they might make?

The only way the above errors wouldn't lose a person respect points is if they did it on purpose, knowing that they're screwing it up, and are perversely trying to prove a point (I just love perverts.)
7/14/2009 11:51:42 AM
Corset happiness...I just figured out the lacing on my leather corset, and then of course had to try it on. I got it pretty tight by myself by tightening the back before I put it on, and then pulling at the front. I could've gotten it just a bit tighter, but I might've needed some help for the last half inch or so. The pic is the last one in my profile.
7/13/2009 8:28:31 AM
Last night was delicious. There's nothing like being cornered in the kitchen by a strong male intent on seduction...or at least some heavy duty teasing. And I discovered another weakness of mine...musicians. This really shouldn't be a surprise, since my husband's one...but it always seems to come out of left field when I catch myself melting as my eyes track the movement of fingers across piano keys or guitar strings, and I feel the vibrations beating against my skin, calling to my blood.


Okay, so I'm a little poetic this morning...overdosed on chocolate and testosterone. It's a happy, happy thing.
7/12/2009 10:02:53 AM
The biting class was wonderful, and I only wish I hadn't had to leave early, and could've stayed for the True Blood party to try out some of my newly honed biting skills. Dmitri was a very patient and engaging instructor, and I would highly recommend him for anyone considering one of his classes.

Now I just have to save up for a pair of nice fangs...and find someone to bite. Yum.

Today it's off to the volunteer social in my ongoing effort to become more involved in the community, and then a little self-punishment in the form of chocolate...oh, so delicious in the moment, and then a few days of agony to follow. But with the chocolate I purchased special for this event, it will be so worth the pain...
7/9/2009 2:29:01 PM
Fuck. I hate waiting. I want immediate gratification, and I want it now!

Ahem...currently in a holding pattern. It sucks donkey balls. Big hairy ones. I think by the time I end up getting together with someone, whether it's the one I'm waiting on or someone new, I'm going to end up putting them in the hospital. Those with weak hearts need not apply...
7/9/2009 12:16:54 PM
After a bit of research, including an excellent article on the topic (http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/403110/bdsm_safety_subspace_and_after_care.html?cat=12)
I've concluded that I still don't know any answers. I mean, I routinely surrender to sensation, when I'm with someone I trust, holding back nothing when I have decided to be with someone...but I don't know that I've really experienced the endorphin high, or loss of the ability to feel pain, that was mentioned in most of my research. I've definitely felt a floaty, surreal sensation with a few of my lovers, but I didn't lose my sense of self.

I guess I just need to experiment more. *smile*

7/9/2009 9:08:49 AM
I'm thinking I might want to do some more research...this time on subspace. I know, I know...I'm such a research junkie. But I don't know how others define "subspace". I know there's a moment during in which everything else switches off, the noise in my head quiets, and my only thought is of what's going on with my body, and what my lover is doing to/with me. I had a delicious moment of this last night, as I sank into orgasm after orgasm, anticipating each burst of pleasure, losing track of the sounds I was making, my body responding through reflex rather than through conscious thought...living in the moment, pure and fragile in the midst of pleasure, before I snapped out of it again.

Is this what subspace is for me? 'cause there wasn't any dominance going on, and the only submission displayed was my succumbing to the sensations rocking through my body. It's the moment when I'm at my most pliable, acting and reacting without thought. So is it subspace, or just really good sex? Hence the research.
7/6/2009 2:10:37 PM
Summertime...with too much to do, and too much time to myself to think. It's times like these that I start to get restless...

I've been thinking about the "types" of submissives, and I'm having a lot of trouble slipping myself into any generally accepted roles. I'm not a pain slut, but I love to get spanked, paddled, bitten, having my hair pulled and my body squeezed. I'm not a little girl, but I sleep with a teddy bear, giggle and laugh a lot, and find wonder in the trivial. I'm not a pet, but I purr, rub, crawl on my hands and knees, and arch my back when stroked the right way. I'm not a brat, but (sometimes) I touch without permission, keep going when I'm told to stop, and stay just out of arm's reach when I'm beckoned close. I'm not a slave, but I love feeling controlled, serving food and drink from my knees, and obeying the commands of my lover. I'm not dominant, but I've topped and enjoyed the hell out of it. I'm not vanilla, but I love having straight sex just as much as I love kinky sex.
 
In a forum like this, where you only get to know one part of the person you're talking to, it's no wonder it's so rare that I find a connection. There are just too many assumptions and labels in the way.
6/29/2009 4:58:57 PM
I find it interesting that there are many people who fill up their profiles with nothing but words from other people. Now, a quote here and there can be powerful ("Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried." - Mae West), and even the occasional bumper sticker ("The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.") but to fill your entire profile with them, without saying anything in your own words? It really doesn't tell anyone about you except that you can parrot other people's phrases.

Where's the sense of you in your profile? Yes, I know, for most people it's hard to write about yourself (whereas I can't seem to stop this introspection kick I'm on) but giving a little insight into what you're actually looking for is ever so helpful for those that might be perusing profiles.

My second favorite profiles are those that outline exactly what the person is looking for, in no uncertain terms. As in "I'm looking for a dominant male around my age that will fuck me into oblivion and then spank me back into consciousness." Or "I want a slender girl that likes extreme pain such as whips, canes, needles and Slurpee induced brain freezes". Or "I'm just looking for an online cam playmate so that I can get my rocks off without actually having to touch any potentially diseased strangers." Or "I'm just networking here, because the other kinky discussion group sites are down half the time." Or "I'm just an attention whore. Look at my sexy photos and then tell me what naughty, painful things you want to do to me."

See, the preferences list to the left is great and all, but it's so generalized and overdone that unless you only choose your absolute favorites, everything else pretty much gets lost in the shuffle.

My first favorites are the really unique ones that really tell you about the person, or at least about the part of their fascinating, intelligent, metacognating mind that they're willing to share. I could eat those up with a spoon.
6/28/2009 6:40:47 AM
On the subject of materials:

Latex is pretty, but it squeaks and sticks to the skin. Lace plays peekaboo, but it itches. Silk smells delicious, but it feels so fragile. For my money, I'll take leather or velvet any day. I just can't keep my hands off of either, and where my hands go, other parts of me just ache to follow.

In my mind's eye, on this early morning, I imagine a quilt fashioned of black leather and crimson velvet, and me mussing up the covers as I do my best cat-on-catnip impression, rolling in ecstasy in the middle with every rub of my skin against the twin textures. Purrrrr.
6/25/2009 7:09:47 PM
Well, I've got one volunteer/class set on my calendar. It's a class on the erotic art of biting. Now, I'm an instinctive biter (as in, I have to hold back when I'm with someone that doesn't like to be bitten...usually the pillow, my teddy bear, or occasionally, my own arm), and I think I'm pretty good at it...I don't break the skin, and I usually leave pretty bruises in the shape of my teeth. But, like with the spanking class I took last year, I always think there's something new I can learn that will enhance my experiences.

At the very least, I might get the opportunity to bite someone...or be bitten. Rawr.
6/21/2009 7:44:50 AM
As I put bread into the oven this morning, I ruminated on the concept of service. I don't get a sexual charge out of doing non-sexual things for people, by any means, but there is definitely a sense of fulfillment to be found in helping to spruce up a public dungeon, or setting out food in an aesthetic way, and then watching people enjoy it. My husband says it's more of a nurturing thing, and he may be right. The good feelings don't extend to cleaning toilets, or being humiliated while I scrub a floor (I hate doing floors), but putting away the dishes while my exhausted lover sleeps soundly upstairs, or crawling on my knees to an under-the-weather lover's bedside with a hot drink in my hands...that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
6/20/2009 3:22:26 PM
I think some of my experiences with my husband have instilled me with a taste for multiple partners. Of course, I've always had the fantasy of multiple penetration, but in the course of sharing women with him, and having had my first experience with a married couple on my own, I'm starting to have thoughts about some of the other couples that have been receptive to me. As I met up with a dear friend and her man today, and he flirted and kissed me on the cheek, I couldn't help thinking of what it would be like to be writhing between them, listening to the chorus of their pleasured sounds. Would they be rough, or gentle? Would they work together, or take turns, coaching each other and me until we all found our bliss? What would their hands feel like on my naked skin? Would they hurt me? Would they make me beg?

Then again, maybe I'm just overanalyzing things. Maybe I just really, really like sex. Coupled with a vivid imagination, that can be a very, very dangerous thing.
6/19/2009 10:45:02 AM
Important distinction: I am an easy fuck, not an easy lay. What's the difference? Well, if your best time is just under 5 minutes, you will still have to work pretty damned hard for me not to get off. But I don't share my cash and prizes with just anyone. I may be a slut, but I'm not an indiscriminate one.
6/18/2009 7:28:42 PM
I have way too much time on my hands right now. Soon, I'll be filling it with projects and social events, but in between, the time that's usually filled with work is this wide open space. I did more exercising today than I've probably done in the last month (or at least, more different kinds of exercise.) and I've been writing journal entries like crazy. Yes, I know I should get back to work on my novel, but I really do my best writing when my husband's not claiming my attention at random moments (such as, right in the middle of a sentence, thus derailing the whole paragraph.)

Anyway, in my previous topic of fetishes, I mentioned that there isn't one thing that really does it for me. That's not really quite true. There's one thing that gets me, every time. That makes me catch my breath, and draws my undivided attention. I'll give brownie points to whoever guesses what it is. Oh, I'm sure there are references to it in my journal entries somewhere, but it was so long ago, and I write so much, who's really going to want to read that far back?  
6/18/2009 3:06:12 PM
I know this is probably an unpopular thing to say, and so I apologize in advance if it causes any offense...although, since I'm merely stating my own personal preferences and not making a judgment, only the most sensitive of souls will likely take anything I have to say as a personal affront. (Deep breath)

Okay...here it is. I'm not into fetishes. Oh, don't get me wrong...there are many things that really float my boat, from sexy clothing (yum, leather) to spankings, to being approached from behind, to the strength in a Dominant man's hands as he reaches for me...(another deep breath...) but the point is really that it's not just any one thing that flips my switch. And hyperfocus on any one thing, like lactation, or incest, or feet...kind of turns me off. It's not the things themselves, mind you, and I find no fault in anyone that finds those and other fetishes to be exciting. I'm all for finding out what frosts your cookie, and layering that frosting on as thickly and as frequently as possible, so long as everyone involved has consented. It's the hyperfocus itself that welds my thighs together.

Dictionary.com defines "fetish" as:

  1. Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.
  2. An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.
Since stepping out of my vanilla box, I've really given this a lot of thought. I've even tried to develop a fetish or two on my own (I got really close with that massage thing, but really, I think it's just a matter of being touched...and that's always a pleasure.)

Plainly stated, I want options. I want a sampler platter of sensations, instead of the same dish over and over, even if it is prepared with slightly different spices each time. Yeah, sure, toes are cute...but high heels are sexy, too...so are boots of almost any material. And breasts that lactate...well, that's just one more facet to enjoy about breasts. There's so much more that I don't want to be limited. I want to try everything (or almost everything, anyway) and pick and choose what I want to ask (or beg) for again. And I cherish a lover that leads me to expand my experience, instead of narrowing it down to one area.
6/18/2009 8:45:01 AM
A little self-discipline goes a long way. On a good note, I may have to get bigger weights. "I Want Those Arms" has become too easy with the 5 pounds, except for those agonizing overhead lifts (that's probably the part where a strict voice encouraging me to finish all the reps would really help out.) I always feel so pleasantly stretched and breathless after exercise...it makes me wonder why I periodically give up my favorite forms of it...stepping, arm weights, elliptical, swimming, biking, and above all, dancing. Unfortunately, I don't currently have access to a leg press, or that inner/outer thigh machine, or the waist rotation one. Those were always my favorites.

Still working out my workout space. This will require moving some furniture around. Which...is going to be like a big game of Tetris. Fun, fun.
6/17/2009 9:28:42 AM
I've recently been entertaining the fantasy that it might be nice to have a personal trainer to bend me to his (or her) will, and whip me (or paddle me) into shape. I can hear it now..."Ten more reps. Burn for me, slut!"

*giggle*
6/17/2009 7:10:02 AM
A reflection, inspired by a letter received far too early in the morning: I've grown a lot over the last year, and I know much more about the roots of my libido, where the flowers of lust spring forth, and where it just looks as though they are coming from. I know now that, while Dominance is delicious, it is desire that makes my flowers bloom, the indirect power of my actions calling to an answering power from one that is powerful. I am a tease because I like to feel that desire beating hot against my skin, to see the look in a man's...or a woman's eyes, and know that I am their focus, that their desire burns hot for me, and that they intend to use that fire to devour me. Pretty dresses, collars, and protocol...these are all just trappings, part of the tease, the dance that ends with the claiming of my body in the glide of flesh, or the slap of leather, and the demand that I hold nothing back.
6/14/2009 9:10:15 AM
*sigh* I keep trying to get to the every other Friday munch in Fremont, but scheduling stuff keeps getting in the way. Still, I can't complain much...dinners, friends, family, parties, fourth of July on a boat...it's all definitely fun stuff. Oh, well...I guess I'll get there when I get there. In the meantime, most weekdays have opened up...hm...where is that Janus events calendar?
6/13/2009 9:20:59 AM
I've recently noticed a lot of people adding a copyright-like notice at the bottom of their profiles. In my perusal of profiles, I've only noticed one plagiarism, and that one was pretty obvious...so obvious that the original writer put a notice on his profile to call the other fellow out. Apart from that...is plagiarism really so prolific here on CM? Are people really stealing pictures and words to lure others in for a fake online correspondence? Or are they actually planning to meet these people, and hope that their dashing good looks will make up for their misrepresented intelligence?

I have to admit, it's possible. I had one woman that wrote to me whose writing was almost completely impossible to read, and yet she sent me a story that had decent spelling, spacing and held together fairly well. I'm pretty sure someone else wrote the story, and that she just used it to represent herself, little realizing that the massive gap between her typing ability and the quality of the story made it painfully obvious that it wasn't hers.

Now, I will freely admit that I'm an attention whore. After all, intelligent, well thought out attention is what soaks my panties. But I won't misrepresent myself to get it.
5/23/2009 6:33:43 AM
I foolishly respond to each and every message, even if it's obviously a form letter. Why? Because it's polite (and occasionally provides me with the opportunity to be subtly snarky.) But mostly because I think everyone is interesting, even if it's only in the most mundane ways. I guess I'm a bit of a Pollyanna that way.

But...um...if you're going to send out a form letter...one that you're going to use over and over...wouldn't you, I don't know...check for spelling errors? Would it reasonable to send out a resume that said "U shuld hier me", and then pout because you didn't get the job? A form letter here is a bit like a resume...it has to cover all the bases, be appealing to a broad range of people, to be worth the writing in the first place. Even if it's a scam, wouldn't it be worth taking the time to run it through a spell checker, spell some pertinent words out all the way, and generally make a good presentation of it?

I will not, by the way, send email to other addresses (or, as previously stated, chat on yahoo), unless I've gotten to know the person pretty well already. But there are still some people on here that will follow a pretty picture and some ugly text like a will o' the whisp leading them to drown in the swamps of scam-land.
5/22/2009 5:46:24 PM
I had sex with myself last night, and I was amazing.

Ahem, let me explain. I was having this terribly vivid dream in which people were looking at me strangely. I didn't realize why until I walked into the darkened kitchen in the middle of the night and saw...me. Standing behind the open refrigerator door and drinking milk out of the carton. There was a long, tense moment that seemed to stretch out forever, sinister flavors building up to a crescendo.

"You know one of us has to die, right?" The other me put the milk away and shut the fridge door. She was naked, and magnificent. She was still me, but somehow what I see as flaws on myself were, on her, just part of her beauty.

"Why?" she asked me simply. "We can have so much fun this way."

And then my hands were on her breasts, and they were so perfectly firm and ripe and sensitive. I tasted her, and she tasted like ambrosia. And I felt everything that I did to her, because she was me. As dreams go, this was definitely an improvement on the usual running through haunted houses pursued by ravenous beasties.

And of course I was incredible in bed with myself. I know everything that I like, and just how I like it. But wouldn't it have been horrible if I was bad in bed...with myself? Could you imagine someone so selfish or sexually inept that they can't even give themselves pleasure?

"Not tonight, me...I've got a headache."

5/17/2009 8:23:28 AM
I saw the people ponies in the park yesterday when I was in the city. It was such a treat to turn a corner and see these openly kinky people subverting the dominant paradigm. I stayed to watch for a bit as the pretty photographer snapped photos of the posing ponies. It's definitely not my kink, but I've found there's almost nothing that I'll turn away from as an observer. Everything I've seen so far is simply beautiful, even if I wouldn't want to try it myself.

 What's funny is that I can watch almost any scene with rapt fascination, but the second someone turns their attention on me, even if I'm only observing, I get all blushy and squirmy, like I've been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I can hold out calm, cool, and collected for a moment or two, but anything longer than that, and I'm little-girl-gone, hiding behind my hair, or making a concentrated study of the paint on the ceiling.
5/13/2009 6:00:05 AM
I just found out yesterday that I'm going to have to abstain from intercourse until Monday. That's six whole days! I'm sure that I can come up with some fun ideas to keep my husband satisfied, but in the meantime, I've already started having wet dreams. 

In last night's full color production, I was with a woman, a rare occurrence in my nighttime forays into the debauched and profane...
5/11/2009 9:57:50 PM
I managed to make it to the Edges kinky flea market this weekend, and walked away with a delicious corset. My experience with corsets is admittedly limited to the Renaissance Faire variety, but this delectable leather creation that I picked up may just spark a new area of interest. Sadly, I missed out on purchasing a wonderfully wicked toy made with rubber erasers, but it's probably for the best...it was a bit more thuddy than I generally enjoy. Still, the thought of being flogged to screaming by a set of Rainbow Brite erasers does have a certain perverse appeal...   
3/27/2009 3:59:57 PM
An ungodly busy schedule has curtailed my kinky activities indefinitely. Thank you, Mr. E., for being so patient and understanding, and for teaching me so much.

I've also created a new profile, and I'm happy to share the new user name with anyone that requests it. The purpose of this new profile is to seek out kinky life in the area to which we might be relocating.

To be clear, I'm not looking for a partner or a playmate. I just haven't got the time.
1/5/2009 6:30:29 PM
Conflicting schedules and a poorly timed migraine have kept me from seeing my Dominant for far too long. Tonight the need to feel his domination is particularly bad...almost as bad as it was before I met him. I'm noticing patterns in my behavior when I start feeling like this...like I'm suffering withdrawl from my favorite drug. I start looking for things to hit that button in my head. Dark music...a little web surfing...some serious fantasizing. It's all temporary, but it eases the ache until I can see him again.

A few of my musical choices for the evening so far: Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge ("
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her..."), The Package by A Perfect Circle ("Take what's mine..."), Glory Box by Portishead ("Give me a reason...to be a woman..."), and Aquarius by Within Temptation ("I relinquish...to your power.") Just a couple more days...I can make it. Really I can.
12/30/2008 8:07:23 PM
Just returned from a wonderful, relaxing week away near Yosemite. Nothing deliciously kinky happened, but I really enjoyed cooking for our friends and my husband each night, and spending time playing in the snow and soaking in the huge bathtub in the master bathroom. Mmm...hot water and bubbles never felt so good after a day spent hiking through the snow. 
12/23/2008 7:59:24 AM
What a crazy, wonderful month this has been! With so many social events to attend and prepping for my trip away with my husband and our friends, I haven't had any time to write. I'll be taking Rose's story on the trip with me, and my husband has offered to let me use his laptop for writing.

Wonderful news! Mr. E. gave me this sweet card for my birthday saying "Consider yourself no longer under consideration." I'm his now. I worked hard to make him proud at his holiday party, while still making sure to check on my husband. I juggled pretty well, I think, and managed to win the approval of a couple of his friends, to boot. The sad news is that I won't see him for a while, because he's going out of town the day before I get back, but that will make seeing him again all the more intense.
12/16/2008 5:46:21 AM
Tickle tickle tickle...
This last Saturday, I went to a tickle party, my very first. I was a little nervous, because I'm extreeeemely ticklish, but I knew that Mr. E. would be there to make sure I was all right. I brought a friend, and we ended up making a bit of a spectacle of ourselves with some wrestling on the floor. She's not easily tickled, so if I ended up on the bottom, I was pretty much screwed, but I got on top a couple of times. We tickled others too, which was lots of fun.

I ended up upstairs all tied up to the bed in my underwear, with Mr. E. and two beautiful women tickling me. They were very careful to make sure that I got water when I needed it, and gave me little breaks when I started to see pretty lights from laughing too much. Occasionally, Mr. E. would nibble on my elbow or my neck, and I'd moan instead of giggling, which everyone had to comment on (blush!) It didn't help that I kept remembering how hard Mr. E. made me orgasm the last time I was on his bed. He made sure that no one spent too long tickling under my arms, which is a very intense tickle place for me. I think it's partly because I'm ticklish (duh) and partly because I'm so protective of my breasts that I feel so completely vulnerable when my arms are raised.

When I play with Mr. E., half the time I'm giggling and cumming at the same time. I may ask him to record me sometime, just so I can giggle at the weird sounds that I'm only half aware of making.

12/5/2008 7:07:45 AM
I've been quiet lately, suffering from an upper respiratory thing for the past week. I did have lots of fun on Friday, though, at Spanksgiving. Mister E. was amazing. I got tied up and spanked and paddled until my bottom was burning, and then after a little rest, I was bound again and tickled until I screamed. I was trying not to be too loud, because of the others around us, but I'm afraid I made an awful lot of noise when he brought out the Toothbrush of Doooom. Now every time I see an electric toothbrush in the store, I get a little flutter in my lower belly. Purrr.

I loved the sensation of being totally helpless to his whims, and his praise and gentle aftercare pushed me above and beyond the loopy state I was already in. I spent the whole night floating on a cloud of pure bliss. Because I've been sick, I haven't been able to see him since then, but thinking of that night has made the agonizing wait a little more bearable.
11/22/2008 4:07:06 PM
I'm working on a journal entry about my experiences Wednesday night. I'm also getting all geared up for Spanksgiving. Role playing was fun. Definitely fun, even if I felt like I came off kind of cheesy. I think the role of bitchy exec. is a stretch for someone who generally tries to make everyone feel comfortable. I couldn't even cuss him out properly. Maybe I need cussing lessons? More later.
11/13/2008 5:57:45 PM

It's been a very stressful week, with one bright moment, and I'm glad that I was finally able to steal a bit of time this morning to write about it while my thoughts are still fresh. Tuesday night I stayed up way past my bedtime to attend the Two Knotty Boys rope class at Good Vibrations with Mister E., and it was so worth it. JD and Dan's banter was just as fun as it was in the Kink-E-Zine phone interview...better, even, because I could see their expressions...and I got to get tied up, which I've discovered I really, really enjoy. The highlight of my evening (in the class, anyway) was when I had my legs settled on Mister E's lap and JD came over and showed him how to wrap up my ankles nice and tight.

They were fantastic presenters, comfortable and very responsive to the audience's cries of "Can you show that tie one more time?" They cracked jokes while teaching practical application, with a healthy dose of safety thrown in for good measure. They worked as a tag team, one showing the tie, while the other went around and helped those in the class that were getting stuck. Still, I would definitely recommend going with a friend. Having two sets of eyes and ears at the class was very beneficial, because I was able to coax things along when I could see that Mister E. was stuck (unless I was stuck, too.) He told me at the end of the evening that I'm a very good teacher, patient and helpful without being condescending or bossy, which of course made me all kinds of giddy.

Despite his claim that he has trouble even tying his shoelaces, Mister E. is definitely interested in continuing his practice, much to my delight. He purchased the TKB book that night, and texted me yesterday morning to tell me that he practiced "Mr. Bondage Face" (the start of a knot that looks like a little face) that morning. He even has plans to custom dye some rope to make me a lovely rope corset...perhaps to be ready in time for Spanksgiving?

In my never ending quest to try new, kinky things, rope bondage has definitely made the list. The wrapping of it is so incredibly sensual. The pretty coils of rope made me feel pretty and vulnerable at the same time. Of course, I realize that being vulnerable to a tickling sadist definitely has its consequences...


11/9/2008 9:55:00 PM
I am a dark little girl sometimes. We just finished watching the movie Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, and it was one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen. Dark...so dark. But just stunning with its imagery. My dreams tonight are going to be filled with the silent sound of death, punctuated by the hollow sound of fresh, green apples bouncing down stone steps; with the image of a curved blade sliding over a woman's breast and down along her torso, leaving the skin unbroken but scraped clean, gathering her scent.

Breathtaking.

The surreal feeling of it reminded me, in a way, of Like Water for Chocolate (the book, not the movie, which was good enough in its way but still far short of the movie that my mind conjured up for me when I was reading.) and also of my previous favorite dark movie, Curdled. There's a scene in Curdled where the main character is dancing with a knife, unaware that the killer is stalking her, watching her every move. The shot from above is my favorite, the one I wait for every time I see the movie, where she spins through the room and the velvet green of her dress flares out about her, dark and soft in constrast to the bright sharpness of the naked blade.

Dark, dark. I'm going to sleep tonight in darkness, and tomorrow night I'll write more of Rose's story from that place of darkness.
11/8/2008 11:27:19 AM
One of my favorite things to do on here is to peruse profiles. I get some material for my stories, and more importantly, a lot of exposure to what different flavors are out there. Usually at least once per exploration, I come across something that I can definitively say "Yes, I'd like to try that." Or "No f-ing way in hell am I doing that." Mostly, though, I can say "Wow...that's really fascinating. I don't think I'd ever want to do that, but it's really riveting to read about."

But that's not really the point of this entry. Rather, the point is that I've noticed a lot of (specifically) male Dominant profiles almost apologizing for the fact that they want a woman that's slender or athletic, which seems to indicate that they must have run afoul of some hate male based on their preferences. I think this is a shame. If someone likes a certain body type, knows that he is attracted to that type and not other types, he shouldn't have to defend himself. I'm not saying that they should be rude about it (putting "no fatties" in a profile is pretty much asking for a reaction.) but if they're simply stating a preference, they should be able to do so freely. I haven't seen anyone defending their taste for curvy, voluptuous or rubenesque women, so why should those with a taste for waifish or muscular women have to do it? There are many types of beauty, and each is valued by someone, even if it might not be the one whose profile you're viewing at the moment.

On a side note, I'm still pretty new, but I have a theory that those who dish out the fat slurs are trying to get their rocks off with some form of non-consensual humiliation.
11/7/2008 5:44:22 PM
Mental note: Before going to the ob/gyn next, allow time for the bruises to heal. Eep! I was coming up with all kinds of stories to explain them, should she ask. I didn't think "I fell" was going to float, so I had settled on "I was playing rough with a friend, and things got out of hand." But thankfully, she didn't say anything about the black and blue marks on my pale behind. Whew!

Oh, and needle play? Definitely still a hard limit. Ugh.
11/6/2008 5:27:08 AM
My first clothes-off play session with Mr. E. was amazing. We started out with show and tell, his toys and mine. He has a violet wand that we haven't tried yet (I'm still working on those baby steps), but he showed me how it looked and sounded on his own arm. Just the sound of it made me jump. I'm excited to try it, and also more than a little afraid. Between the tickling, his very skillful fingers, and the riding crop (from an actual tack shop) on my backside, he made me produce sounds I didn't know I was capable of. At one point he asked me if I was his toy, and I said "Yes, I'm your toy." And then giggled and added, "Your squeaky toy."

Caught somewhere between giggling, whimpering and moaning, he made me cum the first time while I was on my knees, and then proceeded to make me cum over and over again, until I thought I might be in danger of passing out. And his reaction to my touch is enough to soak my panties all by itself. I love touching him, and when he holds me close, I just melt.

He does have one little toy, though, that I think may become my nemesis. Just a few little touches of that electric toothbrush on my most ticklish parts just about had me clinging to the ceiling in an attempt to escape it's demon buzz.

I'm lightly bruised on my bottom this morning, and totally blissed out. We're attending a rope class next week, and I just can't wait to be all bound and helpless, subject to whatever villainy his oh, so creative mind might conjure up. 


 
11/3/2008 5:32:36 AM
4 pages completed yesterday morning, with more to come. I still need to edit and add some more details, but here's a small sample:


As quietly as she sought to place her steps, the soles of her boots still sounded like gunshots, echoing hollowly on the hardwood floors of the house. The place was abandoned, one of many in this modern day of financial upheaval. And empty houses made the perfect nests. Rose stilled, listening. It was dusk outside, but none of the fading autumn light penetrated the black paint clumsily smeared over the windows. She was a shadow in the darkness, her dusky skin wrapped in black, from her thick-soled boots to her jeans and cotton t-shirt, to the tips of her short, softly spiked hair. Her storm-colored eyes were black in the darkness, her pupils dilated to make use of what little light crept in around the unpainted edges of the windows. She could see before her the stairs that led up to the second story, and the kitchen counter to her left. There was a door to her right, half ajar, but her instincts drew her instead toward the stairs. A hint of light shone on the metal of the blade at her side, the machete bared to do its grisly work, should she find her prey as she hoped. She took a breath, and shuddered as she caught the unmistakable stench of the undead. They smelled of copper, of blood, and of the sickly sweetness of dried roses left to gather dust. Her next step scraped loudly, and she winced, setting her foot down on the first step with exaggerated care.

“My, my, my…what has wandered into my little love nest?” The gravelly voice raked gooseflesh up along her arms. Rose glanced upward, and caught sight of her quarry, posed on the landing halfway down the stairs. He held a nude girl, limp and flopped over one arm, her dark hair streaming almost to the floor. Rose smiled slowly, grimly, and took a pace towards the monster.

“Only Death come calling, vampire.” Rose used her free hand to flip the silver of her crucifix pendant into view against the blackness of her shirt. The vampire hissed, and drew back a step, lifting the girl up against his chest. He held her upright with a hand on her throat, bearing her weight with the easy, careless strength that his kind possessed. The girl stirred, moaning softly, and Rose stopped, her throat gone dry. She hadn’t expected the girl to still be alive. Her eyes narrowed, and she slowly lowered her machete, her eyes locked on the vampire and his hostage.

“Death is what I bring to the party, hunter.” His smirk made Rose grind her teeth, and her fingers tightened around the handle of her favorite weapon. “I know what you’re thinking. You can still save her.” He lowered his head, and dragged the bridge of his nose along the girl’s cheek. Her eyes fluttered, and then snapped open, rolling white with terror. A small, high sound reached Rose’s ears, and the hunter’s stomach turned as the vampire made no effort to hide the pleasure he felt at the girl’s whimpering. Rose took a small step forward, and the vampire’s hand tightened about his prisoner’s throat, cutting off the sounds she was making. Her hands rose and began to claw at the vampire’s hand, and Rose retreated a step. The vampire loosened his grip, and Rose could hear the girl gasp for breath as the pressure on her windpipe eased. “What you don’t realize, hunter…is that it’s too late now to even save yourself.” He jerked his chin towards her. “The cross. Remove it. Or she dies now.” Rose hesitated, and his fingers tightened again on the girl’s throat. She began to claw at the vampire again, her nails raking bloody trails down his arm. He hissed softly and half closed his eyes, again letting Rose see his pleasure at this pain. Rose took hold of the chain that held her crucifix in place, and jerked, breaking the slender silver links. She tossed the cross into the shadows. The vampire nodded his approval, and allowed his captive to breathe again. Releasing her throat, he moved his hand up to the girl’s eyes, and leaned in close, whispering in her ear a sibilant command that reached Rose in the quiet stillness of the house. “Sleep.” The girl slumped again, and the vampire let her fall bonelessly to the landing.

(If you enjoyed this, you might also want to check out the first Rose story: http://callousedsoui.livejournal.com/3385.html)
11/2/2008 7:06:43 AM
The muse has returned. I'm thanking it by murdering my past in a story. Daphne, your story's coming next, I promise, but first I have to give my vampire hunter and her new friend some room to do their dirty work. Let the blood fly. Happy Halloween.
11/1/2008 7:39:52 AM
Who knew tickling could be so erotic? Well...obviously some people did, because it's listed as a fetish here, but I'd never really thought of it as such. But now...after being pinned and tickled, writhing and helpless beneath him, I can't help but send my thoughts back to other tickle fights that left me a bit moist between the thighs, though it was always a mystery to me why such an innocent seeming struggle should leave me in such a state.

It's an almost painful experience, especially in my more tender areas, and I can't control my response at all. With a flicker of his fingers in my armpit or against the bottom of my foot, he can make my body jerk in the most unladylike ways. What's worse is that I'm ticklish everywhere, especially when I've been stressed, from the backs of my hands to the tops of my thighs, and all of those other places you wouldn't expect to be ticklish at all. He hasn't brought me to tears yet, not in our first session, but I sense that it's only a matter of time before I'm crying as I laugh.
10/26/2008 4:43:03 PM
Some of my favorite quotes:
"The written word
Is clean as bone,
Clear as light
Firm as stone 
Two words are not
As good as one." - Anonymous

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness." -Ludwig Wittgenstein

"One should always be a little improbable." and
"Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others." Oscare Wilde

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted" and "When choosing between two evils, I always like to pick the one I never tried before." - Mae West

"It is the dim haze of mystery that adds enchantment to pursuit."  - Antoine Rivarol 

 
10/24/2008 6:58:55 PM
Wouldn't you know...I'm too sick to go to the Chamber of Horrors party tonight. It's just as well, I suppose, since the Domme I was going to meet there had to cancel, and I would have been all by my lonesome in my velvet dress and my period hat and my sexay lisp-inducing fangs.

Oh, and I've tried the picture thing again...a bit more revealing, but a bit less identifiable, unless one is intimately acquainted with my backside. We'll see if this one is approved. 
10/24/2008 4:17:33 PM
Can I be Christopher Walken's sub? Dayum that man is scary hot...
10/24/2008 6:19:03 AM
Maybe someone can explain to me how it is that my bottom can lose its redness so quickly, and yet my skin develops bruises so easily? I'm looking at my arm, where little pinches left bruises, and yet recalling that during my last spanking, after I was worked over pretty well, the color faded from my bottom within a few minutes. The next day, I woke up to find that bruises had bloomed like flowers on the pale landscape of my bottom.

And then there are those mystery bruises, where I bumped into something and just kept going, distracted and busy, only to discover the next day that my shin or arm or even my side has a big, brown bruise...and I have no idea where it came from. But I can't stop poking those bruises, hoping that the little bit of pain from the poke will provoke some sensory memory...

"Oh, right...that was the cabinet in the kitchen!" Or "Damn that coffee table."
10/16/2008 8:36:57 PM
I'm feeling decidedly wicked tonight. Whether it's the fact that I cut some final ties today, or that I haven't been properly Dominated in months, or that I just watched Sylar do his sexy scary thing on Heroes, or that I have this really brutal vampire hunter vignette rolling around in the back of my head, I'm not sure. I'm in a mood to poke the bears and play with matches. To flirt with danger. Heaven help me.
10/16/2008 5:35:54 PM
After having taken the plunge back into seeing others, after having spent 14 faithful years with my husband, I'm beginning to remember why I had so many problems as a teen. I'm a slut. I'm not the kind of slut that sleeps around with anyone that offers, but I am (apparently, if I listen to my hormones and examine my track record) the kind of slut that has a hard time knowing where my limits should be, unless someone has already set those limits for me.

Take my recent experience. I was so hot and heavy for my former lover when we first met that I was ready to sleep with him right away, without really getting to know him, and without really being cautious about my feelings, either. Now, this isn't to say that I wasn't safe...when my husband finally gave his permission for us to deepen the relationship (so to speak), we used full protection. But if it hadn't been for my husband telling me to slow down, I would have very likely jumped right into the sack with him on the first date.


Once I'm with someone, and the limits have been set, I'm true to my commitment to that person. I've only ever cheated on a boyfriend (and there were many...I was a serial monogamist, until I met my husband) once, and that was only heavy petting (but, goodness, was it fun!) Then why, if I'm not screwing around with everyone that offers, does that make me a slut, you may ask? Because if it weren't for the expectation that I remain faithful to one and one alone (at least at a time *smirk*), I would almost certainly be more promiscuous. It's the expectation that keeps me faithful, rather than the lack of desire. I know that that may not appeal to many Dominants out there who'd like to think that their submissive is only interested in them, and to a large degree, this is true. I focus most on the one that holds the leash of my libido, but while I may be chained, I'm not dead. Given limits, I'm just far more careful to keep my libido on a leash, and keep my distance from those that might provide the most temptation for me.

My greatest weakness can be boiled down to three simple words. Probably not the three you're thinking of (and this is your reward for reading down so far...)

"I want you."

Uttered in the right way, and at the right time, this expression of desire can send heat searing through me, and make me long to meet that desire with my own. It's what got that long ago would-be-lover's tongue in my mouth at the Monsters of Rock concert while my boyfriend was out of town. And it's what made me fall, head over heels, for both my husband and my most recent lover.

10/10/2008 4:35:17 PM
Roget's II: The New Thesaurus
Main Entry:     slut
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: A vulgar promiscuous woman who flouts propriety.
Synonyms: baggage, hussy, jade, slattern, tart, tramp, wanton, wench, whore
Also: bimbo, bitch (femaledog), floozy, harlot, hooker, hussy, jade, jezebel, malkin, minx, quean, slattern, tramp, wench, whore

What a loaded word. Some subs consider it an insult, others a term of endearment, still others a name that conveys humiliation. For me, it's something intimate, something only my lover should call me, and only when I am deserving of every drop of meaning it contains.

On a side, but related note, I'm not into the Gorean stuff. I have no beef with those that are into it, but it's really not for me. Back when I was playing slave characters on AOL (oh, my...is my geek showing?) I used to delight in taking a stereotype to its most logical and extreme conclusion. I didn't have a character that knelt at doorways and begged entry, or that called herself "this one" or "girl". Instead, I developed a darling little character that called herself "it", generally tried to keep out of everyone's way, and who could only crawl because she'd spent so much of her life on her hands and knees that her leg muscles would no longer support her upright. I never could resist the urge to subvert the dominant paradigm. When forced by necessity or society to go in a certain direction, I tend to speed past the set goal until I come out of the other side, different, and whole, and entirely me once again.
10/7/2008 4:22:47 PM
My summer romance has ended, and I'm nursing a wounded heart (and, oh, it takes so much effort not to wax poetic about the changing seasons, and make comparisons with the burning of the sun in summer's heat, and the falling of the leaves, or some other such triteness. I'll save the flowery stuff for topics that don't touch such still tender places.) I learned a lot over the short time we were together, and my only regret is that I never did get to feel the sting of the matching floggers that I made for him. I'm not currently looking for a Dominant to replace him, since I need some time to heal, but I'm open to chat and flirtation, as always.

Just to make things clear, for those that read selectively, I'm still married, and I'm still very happy with my husband. It is the relationship with my Dominant lover that has ended.
9/29/2008 9:08:43 PM
Intelligence is so sexy. There's nothing like a well-turned phrase to capture the attention. I wonder if it's because I feel like a basic effort to present oneself in a way that uses proper grammar, approximately accurate spelling and appropriate punctuation conveys a certain level of respect for those who will be reading. Or it could be because there's usually a wicked imagination behind the intelligence. But most likely it's because no one puns like someone who knows how to keep their brain cells firing. What can I say? I'm a glutton for "pun"ishment.
9/27/2008 10:54:59 AM
I've gotten to the point where, in my efforts not to cuss, I've substituted non-vulgar epithets that trip easily off of my tongue, so that I don't realize until after I've said them aloud how odd they sound. These generally fall into a few select categories, such as the religious oath: Jesus Christ in overalls (on a pogo stick, in a rowboat, on crutches, etc.); the combining religion with something else outburst: holy hand grenades, or holy sh*tbuckets (okay, that one has profanity in it, but I've got to fit it in somewhere, or people will start thinking I'm a good girl.), the occasional impossible suggestive offer: f*ck me sideways; and the sweet swear: fudge cookies, sugar cookies, or sugar on a stick.  At least I haven't gotten into the whole "do this and call me that" variety of epithets, such as "spank my bottom and call me Rosy" or "Dip me in chocolate and call me Butterfingers". I think this may be partly because I hang around people that might take me up on the offer...
9/14/2008 8:22:14 PM
Yay! I finished another story, though it has a definite lead-in at the end for a sequel. It's so nice to be writing again. I only hope it's up to my former quality, and that Mr. M. likes it as well as the others.
9/13/2008 11:18:54 AM
I've finished the lead-in to a lesbian BDSM story. Not my usual, since while I am bisexual, I'm definitely more partial to the male gender for my sexual partners. I keep hoping things will slow down enough around here for me to actually finish a story sometime, since I've got at last count four or five that have begun and that I kind of left hanging.

Each time I write, each time I have a discussion with someone about sexuality, my own desires become more clear. I know that I'm not one of those submissives that likes to be faceless and interchangeable with any other girl. I've read erotic comics and stories where all of the girls were shaved bald and stripped naked, and were used more or less interchangeably. That's not my kink at all. I like to be the focus of my Dominant partner, as he is my focus. I want to be his breathless prey, adoring servant, playful pet, and seductive tease, depending on my mood, and the cues he gives me. If I'm ignored, I'll pester, or become horribly bored. If I'm left alone or neglected, I'll find ways to occupy my time that might well get me into trouble.
 
My submission lives on a diet of responses, whether it be the vocal variety of praise or moans, the tactile caress of a hand through my hair or across my skin, or the visible arch of his body or the upward roll of his eyes closing in pleasure. Certain responses, if they're strong enough, have even been known to bring out the predator in me...
9/12/2008 7:45:08 PM
Below is why I don't indulge in run of the mill cybersex, unless I want a good laugh *smile* If you want to see the kind of thing I am occasionally into, check this out:
http://callousedsoui.livejournal.com/4944.html

At the very least, I hope you enjoy the following as much as I did (note: I didn't write this, and this was not a real cybersex session, in case you can't tell.) 

Wellhung:
Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart:
I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung:
I'm 6'3" and about 12 stone pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from C & A. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart:
I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung:
OK
Sweetheart:
We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung:
I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart:
I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung:
Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart:
I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung:
I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart:
I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung:
My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart:
That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung:
I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart:
Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.
Wellhung:
I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart:
I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung:
How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp
Sweetheart:
I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung:
I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart:
I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung:
I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart:
What?
Wellhung:
I'm so sorry; Really.
Sweetheart:
I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung:
I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop
Sweetheart:
OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung:
I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart:
I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung:
I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart:
What's the matter?
Wellhung:
I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart:
Are you OK?
Wellhung:
I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart:
Can I help?
Wellhung:
I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart:
In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung:
I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart:
Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung:
I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart:
I'm on the bed aching for you.
Wellhung:
I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart:
Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung:
I found it.
Sweetheart:
I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung:
Me too.
Sweetheart:
Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung:
Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart:
Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung:
OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart:
I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung:
I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart:
Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung:
I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart:
I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung:
I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart:
What's the matter now?
Wellhung:
I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart:
Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung:
OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart:
Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung:
I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart:
I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung:
I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart:
What?
Wellhung:
I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart:
I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung:
I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart:
No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung:
No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart:
I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung:
I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart:
Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung:
Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
8/28/2008 10:47:36 PM
Here's one I've been getting lately. "How can one meet a beauty like you?" Um...I don't know. I haven't met anyone quite like me before. I don't have any particular hangouts. I don't follow too many predictable patterns. And...if I did meet someone like me, why would I want to share them with a total stranger, when I could instead indulge in the ultimate narcissism, and have sex with myself? Oh, the fun I could have with someone with my mind and my body. I'd know all of the buttons to push. Of course, I'd have to share with my husband or my Dominant, but that's okay. There'd be plenty of me to go around...
8/24/2008 10:24:51 PM
I posted part one of the new vampire hunter story tonight. I've got a good outline for it, but some of the components of the story are being...difficult, to say the least. This is what I get, I suppose, for giving my characters so much personality.

As far as the kinky side of me goes, I'm finding out more about myself every day, through play and talks with both my husband and my Dominant, through reading and through my writing. And I am a very naughty little girl...
8/17/2008 10:28:39 AM
Yay! I wrote a new journal entry today in my submissive journal. I'm so relieved to have the words come easily again. I don't know why Rose (my vampire hunter character) is being so difficult, but since my plans for today have been cancelled, I may be able to coax her out. I'm thinking a little reunion with the vampire that scarred her in the first place might be in order. That'll teach her to hide away in my psyche...
8/16/2008 8:26:34 AM

I've posted part one of a story I've been writing for a special someone on my livejournal. Below is an excerpt. To read the rest, ask me for the url (I'd post it, but then I wouldn't know if anyone was actually reading this stuff, except for the few people that write to tell me they've enjoyed it.)

---------- Darkness:

"You…you won’t get away with this.” It was a weak protest at best, especially since her body was leaning heavily against his, and her hand was resting gently on his wrist..

“With what, kitten? With making you cum? With making you beg?” As he spoke, his moistened fingers were nudging aside her panties a little at a time, rubbing up and down along damp elastic, until one plump lip was revealed, and then the other. And when he spoke the last word, he thrust his middle finger deep inside of her tunnel, spearing her with the heat of his touch. She gasped, and released the inhaled breath with a low, breathy moan. His finger worked in and out of her, slow and teasing, and her hips began to respond once again, thrusting towards his hand. “Oh, I think I’ll get away with it.” He mocked her, and her cheeks burned all the more brightly.
8/6/2008 10:05:59 AM
I'm back from my adventures with my spirit restored! Now it's time to clean out the flotsam and jetsam that has gathered over the last year, and make plans for the future, near and distant. I'm hoping to get back to writing soon, and I'll post updates here to let interested parties know when there's new erotica to read.
7/30/2008 12:11:26 PM
Photos were finally approved. I'm leaving tonight. I'll be gone for a little while. Back in a week or so, I hope.
7/29/2008 9:27:38 AM
Profile updates time. I uploaded pictures, which messed up my main picture, so now I have none until it's approved. Oops. And I went through the preferences list again, now that I've got a little more experience. There are still a lot of curiouses (ha! Alice isn't the only one that can make up words!) and a lot of stuff I didn't really have terribly strong opinions about, one way or the other. So I challenged myself to choose one "Lives For It" in each section. I was going to do the same for "Hates It", but there are really very few things that I actually hate. And I really feel that "Tolerates It" should be below "Curious", because it has a negative connotation. But since the CM site is free, I really shouldn't complain. BTW, some of the definitions are very amusing. Thanks for the giggle, CM people.

Of course, being the twisted individual that I am, I had to choose Vampirism for the lifestyles section. I get a perverse thrill out of selecting "Lives For It" for the undead...
7/27/2008 1:34:20 PM
Note to self: Stop teasing the animals. Yes, it's fun to poke the bears and make faces at the monkeys, but sooner or later I'm going to find one that actually has teeth. I'm such a bad girl sometimes...
7/27/2008 12:03:31 PM
As stated in my profile, I'm looking for friends and flirtation only. That doesn't mean cybersex. (Frankly, I'm so far beyond cybersex at this point that I think my idea of a sensual textual exchange would scare most people off.) But, as a relative newbie to BDSM, I'm always up for discussion of experiences and preferences, sharing erotic writing, or discourse on any other topic that might strike your fancy. And if you're looking to brag about your latest delicious scene, whether you be Dom or sub, I'm your girl.

Oh, and in regards to my apparently confusing reference to not being a "fluffy bottom"...
A fluffy bottom is the flip side of a fluffy top. Basically, there's not a lot of endurance involved. Fortunately, I'm finding that I have a lot more endurance than I anticipated.
7/25/2008 7:49:25 PM
I spoke with a friend recently about my kinks and limits, and she summed up her limits with a simple phrase: "I don't do colors." When I looked at her in puzzlement, thinking first of the stoplight colors used as safety words, she explained that the colors she meant were red, yellow and brown. No blood, urine, or feces...and after that, pretty much anything else is negotiable.
7/25/2008 9:06:41 AM
The following is from a recent message written by yours truly, and I liked it so much I wanted to post it here as well: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While I am hardly a tomboy, monetary offerings such as
country clubs and shopping, pampering and pedicures, are equivalent to the spread of a peacock's tail during mating season. They are lovely, but inherently meaningless. For me, intelligence, true communication, a vivid imagination and a sense of humor are counted among the displays that I find the most alluring. Physical attributes, while important, are secondary to a keen and compatible mental acuity. I am one of those infuriatingly complex individuals who would rather struggle in happiness than be rich without the ones I love.

 Which is not to say that I wouldn't sleep with a man in Vegas for a million dollars, with the knowledge and permission of both my husband and my Dominant...but then, I'm not Demi Moore, and you're not Robert Redford.
6/19/2008 8:34:46 AM
I'm not a fluffy bottom. *big smile* I had a wonderful experience at a spanking class, thanks to the compassion and strength of my "friend with spanking benefits", though he is, of course, so much more. I can't wait to play again...
5/10/2008 9:37:28 PM
So according to one fellow on here, I'm not a "real sub", evidently because I answered his lame come-on with a witty response. Which begs the question: What is a "real sub"? Last time I checked, there wasn't a handbook (unless you're going Gorean) that everyone was expected to follow in order to be considered a submissive. And while I may not be a precious and unique snowflake, I am an individual with multiple facets. Look at me from one angle, and you'll see one thing. Shift your perspective, alter your approach, and you'll likely see something else. And once those facets are learned, it's just a matter of pulling the right puppet strings, to obtain the desired response. Perhaps the fact that I am more than just a submissive may bother those that are looking for someone ready made, someone that will crawl for them because they say they are superior. While I have no problem being respectful to others, no matter their orientation, I am not about to grovel for anyone who seeks to impose his narrow worldview on everyone else, to squeeze all submissives, regardless of variety or degree of submission, into a tiny, airtight box that he can carry like a shield against the dark and scary world of individuality.
5/8/2008 4:47:32 PM

Just a teaser of one of my stories...for a link to the full fantasy, drop me a note. Any kind of comments are more than welcome.


His Hands by Elusive Grace

I wait for Him in the bedroom, on my knees on the bed. I am wearing my street clothes, minus my shoes, but already I am leaving the world outside behind, and becoming His. He doesn’t leave me alone for long. He knows that my submission blooms under His influence, with the tiniest of strokes or a word here and there. But He also knows that it wilts with too much uncertainty, and that my other self, the person that I show to the rest of the world, will assert itself again if I’m left alone too long.

When He returns, He’s carrying a bottle of water and a big duffel bag. I know from experience that it contains not all, but most of His favorite toys. He sets it aside, and opens the bottle, drinking from it himself and then sharing it with me. He angles the bottle, letting some of it spill down onto my white blouse. I jump, a little. The water is cold, and the moisture makes the fabric cling to my skin. He slides the pad of His thumb down over the streak of translucent material. I tremble, closing my eyes, as the heat of His hand counters the chill of the water. And then His voice washes over me.

“I’ve been teaching you how to worship each part of my body. To know me intimately, so that you can better serve me. Today, pet, you’ll learn to worship my hands.” As He speaks, His hands are moving over me, caressing my cheek, sliding through my hair. My eyes are still closed, so that I can truly savor each sensation. I love the deep rumble of His voice, and each word He speaks draws me deeper under His control. “You’ll learn to love and to fear them, as you love and fear me, because they can bring you great pleasure…or great torment.” His fingers close in a fist, catching my hair, and He yanks my head back with a force that arches my neck and makes my scalp burn. I moan aloud, my eyes lifting to His face, pleading silently with Him. His eyes shine, and His mouth quirks at one corner, in that devilish expression that never fails to send a shock of heat through my belly. Still holding my hair in a punishing grip, He moves His other hand in front of my face, fingers spread like a stage magician practicing misdirection. My eyes follow it, trailing over the lines on His palm, the grooves at the bends in each finger. I find myself wishing I could read my fortune in His palm, to know what He has in store for me today. “You will keep your eyes on my hands at all times, pet. Look nowhere else but at my hands. Do not close your eyes, no matter what they are doing to you. Do you understand, pet?”

“Yes, Master.” I speak a little breathlessly, my voice straining past the curve of my throat. He releases my hair, and I can’t help but shudder as He glides His fingers through my soft curls, gentle now. He withdraws, and I obey, keeping my eyes on His hands as He opens the bag of toys and begins to lay them out, one at a time.
GoddessFinest
 
 Age: 58
 PANAMA CITY BEACH, Florida