My best friend, who is a submissive but not my submissive, and I were talking just now and she made me aware that I should probably warn you that I am quite controlling, and can be possessive, and intense.  

Consider yourself warned. 

...Lately all I think about is an ANR or ABR or something revolving around lactation, but the logistics of inducing and living alone make this nearly impossible, even on reglan and pumping.  You just need that eager hungry mouth there around the clock.  *sigh*.   If you think you have what it takes to volunteer, by all means put that hand up in the air where I can see it...

I am into what's inside, if someone can make me interested when we speak, when we touch, we can laugh and play games and take it to hot and serious and intense together at my whim and my desire.  If I feel "at home" with someone, if there is chemistry.  If he surrenders, weak at the sight of me, the sound of my voice, submits to me and begs for me and it's done.  That.  That's what I'm into. 

I was reading a thread over on the forums at collarchat.com and clicked on Akasha's "Good Girl's Guide To Domination", which she links from her signature in her posts.  It is a guide she has written for married male subs to share with their wives in the hopes that she will show interest and learn to enjoy D/s with her husband for the ultimate win/win kinky marriage.  It inspired such a fantasy, one that just warmed me up inside thinking about it. 

I imagined meeting someone in the vanilla world, without ties to any of the bdsm sites, some sweet geeky guy who was a homebody like I am, smart and funny, all the things that I love.  After a while things progress and we are at least cohabitating, committed, happy.  He's shown himself to be somewhat submissive, but also perhaps protective of that side of himself, perhaps ashamed of being perceived as less of a man.  But lo, in time I ferret out the truth, and he is indeed enamored of the fantasies of a true submissive male, one who longs to be under my control, but who has only dared to dream until now. 

Here is bliss! 

My joy in igniting that fire, to watch it burn, to feed the flames, to watch my beloved become my toy, my willing boy, my surrendered obedient slave, oh how delicious.  It satisfies my cravings for creating him for my desires, in my own way, to have taken him down the path for the first time, to be his one and only, his goddess, his source, his passion.  He would be mine, and we would start from the beginning, delve deeper day by day, creating a private world of mutual pleasure.

Can you imagine? 

(edited to try and fix the huge spaces, nothing has worked so far.  Irritating.)

Vat ees vrong veeth zee peekchures?  Mine are all weird and you can't see them all and you can see one that I thought I deleted and they are out of order.  I told you, Suz, I left this site for good reason.  Grrrr...rawr. 

I can forgive flaws, weaknesses, feeling lost and lonely and needing someone or something so bad that it aches, but I can't forgive you for lying to me to cover any of that up. 

If you're one of those truly delectable men who actually read about someone they're intrigued with, then thank you, and I must tell you that I'm not really looking. 


I am always seeking kindred spirits, friends, people who are simply amazing and become important to me, people who live in my heart.  But I'm not looking for someone to meet to play with.  Just NOT.  Honestly, well...yuck.  Mere flesh is cheap and easy.  It doesn't satisfy my soul.


I don't do ordinary. 

(I wasn't looking at the time, and I still like to think that I am not looking, but merely being perfectly me and someone who worships that making himself known to me)