4/13/2018 3:40:13 PM: When you experience phyiscal pain or other problems, of course at that moment there is a feeling of 'Oh! This suffering is so bad!' There's a feeling of rejection associated with the suffering, a kind of feeling of 'Oh, I shouldn't be experiencing this'. At that moment if you can look at the situation from another angle and realize that this very body is the very basis of suffering then this reduces that feeling of rejection- that feeling that somehow you don't deserve to suffer. that you are a victim. Once you understand and accept this reality, then you experience suffering as something that is quite natural. If your basic outlook is that suffering is negitive and must be avoided at all costs and in some sense is a sign of failure, this will add a distinct, psychological component of anxiety and intolerance when you encounter difficult circumstances, a feeling of being overwhelmed. On the other hand, if your basic outlook accepts that suffering is a natural part of your existence, this will undoubtedly make you more tolerant towards the adversities of life. Without a certain degree of tolerance towards your suffering your life becomes miserable. It's like having a very bad night. that night seems eternal, it never seems to end.The Art of Happiness- Dalai Lama

3/18/2018 7:31:53 PM: Communication and Trust are the two most important things in any relationship, be it business, friendship, and lover. Without proper communication, it is difficult to trust, and with out trust it is difficult to communicate effectively.Trust Trust is vitally important, and is difficult for some people. They've been hurt in the past. Perhaps more than once. So they trust less initially. Perhaps the person they are dealing with has hurt them; this diminishes trust in that person quickly, especially if hit happens over and over again, and/or without compassion or understanding.Dominants are responsible for the nurturing of their submissives, and enriching their lives through positive reinforcement and constructive punishments. That is not to say that the dominant gets nothing back; it is the submissive's responsibility to enrich the lives of the dominant by giving feedback to their methods, making life easier for them, and being grateful for the training they receive that nourishes their own soul.A dominant should be able to trust that their submissive has their best interests at heart, and that they will provide feedback and encouragement honestly and truthfully. They should be able to take advice, criticism, and support from their submissive, whether or not they agree with them, and use it to the advantage of their relationship. They should also handle situations without anger, for anger is one of the killers of trust.A submissive should also be able to trust that their dominant has their best interests in heart. They should also trust that punishments are warranted, an fitting the situation. They should trust that their dominants will care for them, giving them the support and encouragement needed to grow into a stronger person, and a better submissive.Many things kill trust...unwarranted anger, the inability to take advise or criticism, reacting harshly when a situation does not warrant it, lack of follow-through, not doing what one says they will, etc. The occasional deviation is understandable, we are human. Sometimes, we say we will do something, and we don't or cant. Everyone gets angry, and sometimes we react. both are ok...if rarely done. But when done constantly, trust is eroded, and eventually it fails, and is then replaced by fear or disquiet.Ego also kills trust, because ego makes dominants not listen. It makes them feel superior to others. It maks then angry or embarrassed when called on. They will tend to take that anger out on their submissives for embarrassing them, when in fact it is their own ineptness that has embarrassed them, but because of their ego the blame is misplaced onto the one who does not deserve it. Ego will create anger, miscommunication, denial, lies, fear, and more. Ego kills.Communication Communication is also vital to a D/s relationship. Both dominants and submissives need to be able to communicate openly with one another, without fear of retaliation, so that they may create stronger bonds. Both should be free to speak their mind, albeit respectfully, and not fear being reprimanded for having a difference of opinion. Communication is important in building trust, because it creates a base on which a D/s relationship can grow. This goes for all areas of communication.Dominants and submissives need to be able to communicate their likes and dislikes, as well as their need and desires. They need to be able to communicate when their needs and desires are not being met and work together to making those happen.There seem to be two main schools of thought in the D/s world these days. Some say 'It is all about the dominant.' But if the dominant is the only one with needs being met, and the submissive cannot communicate their needs, or their needs are not being met regardless, then trust erodes. So the dominant is happy, but the submissive is not. So the trust erodes further, along with communication, because why bother communicating if it does no good, right? Then the relationship falls apart, and it becomes painful, and the dominant no longer is happy or satisfied; instead they find themselves always angry, or avoiding the relationship.Others say 'It is all about the submissive.' This too is doomed to fail, because the dominant is eventually going to feel dissatisfied. Their communication will begin to lack because they feel that all their efforts go into the pleasure and needs of the submissive, and they get little in return. So trust erodes, because they do not trust themselves or the submissive to make them happy and fulfill their needs and desires. Soon, both are dissatisfied, also finding themselves avoiding the relationship.I am of the thought that both matter equally. Communication should build the trust, and the best way to do that, in my opinion, is to communicate the needs and desires of each participant, and for both to work on those needs and desires of each other as well as themselves. It can be masked as 'The dominant matters more' or 'the submissive matters more' but the underlying structure should be 'both matter equally' in order to build strong bonds of trust.In summary, Trust and Communication work with each other to build one another. These are vitally important in any lasting relationship, especially D/s ones. One must communicate honestly, fully and openly, and trust will grow, as will the relationship.