I am a "little". I love sleeping with my stuffies and coloring. When I feel safe I let this side of me show. Most people in the community never knew I was a little due to the fact I kept it hidden. I am awake tonight thinking about my life and trying for the best of me to forgive and let go. To recognize my mistakes and where I should improve, to make for a better me. Self reflection is never an easy process, but always a necessary one. I realize there are people in my life who think I never take responsibility for my actions but they are incorrect. Places where I screwed up were: - believing that I was repulsive and to fat for a sexual relationship - letting the routines set up to die away, instead of holding fast to them - not forgiving when my feelings were hurt - lack of communication, I have a difficult time telling people how I truly feel especially if I think it will hurt their feelings or may get me into trouble. - forgetting what makes me happy and focusing on that when I was home and letting my outside life influence my submission. - simply forgetting who and what I am.
I type this hoping to find my inner peace once again. To knowledge to myself that no one person is responsible for the failure of a relationship. It takes 2 people to build a relationship and 2 people to destroy it. Also to remind myself as time goes on that just because I feel as I am in a dark place at this time in my life there is hope and ways to climb out of this hole again. |