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| Now that I have reached the end of this long, winding road in search of the elusive dominant woman,I find that I have many things that I would like to say to the women that I met, as well as the women I served.? My words are not intended to reflect on anyone that I do not know, however there is one thing that I feel I need to say to all of the dommes.?
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I know that you all have to wade through a mountain of disingenuous, phony, horny liars.? I also know how frustrating that must be for all of you but I have lived the other side of it.? You should also know there are men who give their hearts, their soul, in fact their entire being as well as some utterly magnificent service, and frequently all we get in return is indifference to who we are.? My thoughts, feelings and emotions were never once taken into consideration by anyone.? It seems to me that everyone complains about liars and game players but when they find an honest, genuine and sincere guy, they either don?t recognize it or it does not matter to them.? Please know ladies that when you treat the sub-male like he is something less than human, IT IS VERY, VERY, HURTFUL TO HIM!? I completely understand everyone?s disgust with the many phonies, but please, if you find an honest, sincere guy, extend him basic human respect?he?s likely worth it and will be grateful for it. ?
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If just one woman reads this and it saves one sub from the indifference bordering on disdain that I faced, writing this will have been worthwhile.
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I grew up from a very early age carrying around both fear and arousal at the thoughts of a woman with a paddle or strap that used them to keep a boy like me in line.? Boys that age all grew up extremely horny and most women excite us.? I was aroused by all of the sexy women on television and in life, like all boys that age.? But I grew up with this spanking thing never far from my mind.? I was and still am a huge fan of Bea Arthur, TV?s Maude.? I have been envisioning her hauling me across her knee and spanking the daylights out of me for decades.? Sick?? Maybe, but for reasons unknown to me, that?s who I am.
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When I first began a search for the paddle woman of my dreams some twenty years ago, I had no real frame of reference.? Ass-whipping is not something easily discussed in society and I had no one to talk to about it much less actually have a? way to look for and find her.? I read some things about dominance and submission and the first thing that caught my attention was topping from the bottom?I knew early on that I did not want to be that guy. ?The attitude that I adopted then and stayed with throughout was to keep my mouth shut and do everything she tells me to do.? And not just do what she told me to do but to do it to the absolute best my ability would allow me to do.? And I did.? I never once asked any woman for anything and I surely never made any demands of anyone.? I am absolutely as honest as any guy on all sites combined.? I never once lied to anyone about anything.? I never had a reason to.? I never lied, never broke an appointment, never played any games and never misrepresented myself in any way.? The only doubt about my honesty in my mind was that sometimes things bothered me and I kept those things to myself for fear of offending her.? Looking back, I think that was one of my mistakes.?
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I have met dozens and dozens of women who claim their dominance and I have served four for periods of about three to four months for three of them and about a year for one.? Many times a woman would ask me what I like about this ?lifestyle?. My answer to that question never changed.? I know that many of them thought me to be a game player who was just saying something that I thought they wanted to hear.? I would usually tell them that my thing has always been corporal punishment and anything beyond that I just wanted it to be something she wanted, too.? It was true for me.? I had no idea how I felt about?dildos?or CBT or any of the rest of it but I knew I wanted her to be happy.
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Mistress is a word that I never threw around lightly.? In fact, I never used it at all unless I had been specifically told to do so.? Mistress had meaning to me.? I was never really sure what it meant but I felt it had meaning.? From the day I started this I knew that I would need to prove my worth to the dominant woman.? I went real deep trying to prove myself and remarkably, apparently I failed each time.? I believe being referred to as Mistress has to be earned, as well.? No one did.
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I read profiles all the time where dommes complain of having to constantly re-train slaves.? My question is?Who is doing this re-training?? In fact, who is training at all?? In all of that time I spent, mostly working as the greatest houseboy who ever lived, no one trained me for anything and no one taught me anything.? I came to them all pre-trained to do the things they wanted me to do and I promise you all, no man ever cleaned a woman?s house better than I did.
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During all of those years I was a prime candidate for a woman to whup my ass raw and grab control of me.? I would have written down everything she told me and memorized it.? Instead everyone treated me more like an appliance than a human being.? It was never worth the time and mental effort to talk to me, to give me the chance to know her and let her know me.? It never happened.? I kept finding myself with a huge amount of humor and affection for her but could not offer her my affection or hope for hers.? When affection and good humor prove to be unwanted, it?s time to go.
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I heard many definitions from people, a slave is this and a sub is that.? I never really saw myself in too much of it with the possible exception of pain slut.? When I heard that a slave has no rights at all, I just had to laugh.? I?ll surely retain the right to walk away when you treat me as poorly as most women in this so-called ?lifestyle? did.? .?? I never expected to be loved or even allowed to service any of them orally, as much as I wanted to, because I saw that as very personal and I knew that quite possibly she would want that but I also knew she might not want it from me.? Surely she has the right to choose who gets to give it to her.? I was?OK?with that and never asked for that or anything else.? I hoped a lot but I did not place anything on her because if she wanted something from me, she was the dominant and could order me to do anything.? It just?didn't?seem my place to be asking for things from her, but not asking got me nowhere. ?
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Truth be told, I don?t think any one of them actually dominated me.? I dominated myself each and every time.? If I could offer advice to young men with submissive tendencies it would be to make sure she?s dominating you and not you dominating yourself.? If you?re dominating yourself guys, it?s probably because she?doesn't?care about you.
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I?m not much of a heavy metal fan but in the most meaningful words of Motorhead??I?ve Been a Fool Too Long?
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I no longer have the energy, mental or physical, to try and make a woman happy?always a very hard job and frequently, simply not possible.
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All I ask of each and every one of you is to place some value on that man who spends hours on end making sure everything in your home sparkles and shines.? He?s doing it for a reason and your indifference ain?t it.
With due respect to all
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Since my profile does not flatter the dommes that I actually served, I would like to bring some small degree of balance to this...
While we did not attempt to travel the road of dominance, Mistress Brenda Anne of Magnolia showed me something that few others did. While I am not saying what that was, I would say to a sub boy who really wants to be owned, she really wants to own a boy.
Domme Regina 56... I'm sure you don't remember me but you were very nice to me and I'd like to acknowledge that... Thank You, Ma'am.
Mystress World showed compassion for me as a human being that was lacking most everywhere I looked. I'm sure you don't remember me, either, but acts of kindness are things I never forget...Thank You, Ma'am.
Finally, I would like to offer sincere apologies to Madam Jenny. In all my years of trying to serve women, they frequently gave me ample reasons to be angry. I was always able to keep my anger and frustration internalized. The only exception was you, Ms. Jenny. I am proud of the way I conducted myself throughout all of this with this one exception. Projecting my anger at you in an e-mail is the one thing that I did that I really, truly regret. I hope you read this and I ask you to forgive me for that transgression. Thank You, Ma'am
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| Age: 25 |
| Atlanta,
Georgia |
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