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It's my birthday and I am alone...no fun for me, no pampering,no fuss...not liking this day. |
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So why did you block me? You tell me you are going to come to see me, we have good conversation and you say you will talk to me tomorrow and yet when tomorrow arrives you blocked me.
Just to tell you I am nice, but now I am very hurt, I don't do hurt nice. I can't do this anymore. Please don't contact me anymore, I do not play like this. |
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Hate when people lie to you.... |
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Never again will I let my heart rule my judgement...as far urcabinboy...think twice before you block another person or think you have the upper hand because by far you do not!!! |
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It seems to be the same each and every time. The one you think.is serious ends up really just wanting to play online.
To those of you that say you will relocate or traveling is not an issue then make sure you will.
Too many say this and all it is is a lie. So tired of the fakes.
If you're out of the U S, I will be your friend but not your Mistress, we both know you won't come here (except maybe if you are in Canada). I do not want to play online,on Skype or anywhere but real time in person and then it's not play but a way of life. This is also to those that say they come to my state and want to meet up. I DO NOT PLAY!!! |
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Cancer is not gone... :( but at least I know that on this journey I will continue to look for the blessings in my life which are many if you just stop and look...listen with a quiet heart.
Although I am not ill with pain anymore (well some days I am) I know that it still grows within me and may never be gone until I am. For today, I will live like I am healthy and free of this stupid disease Cancer. This is something I would not wish on anyone. I am not sure why God chose me to endure this, but there have been lessons learned, people who stood by me and people who came into my life during it that have blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.
May each of you find the blessings you are looking for, the peace to be in your life, your happiness and contentment. Life is not a game, do not treat it as one. |
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Ok...I have finally had my last internal treatment and I pray I never never have to do that again. Blisters from it I can handle....the pain almost too much to endure...even when dosed up on pain meds and lots of them, you still feel it. I cannot imagine how painful it would have been had I not been doped up and now I know why I was never into drugs...certainly do not like that feeling at all.
Anyways...some time to heal. My next CT scan is at the end of Sept and we will see if they got all of the cancer and what the next step of my journey is.
I would be dancing a jig if I was not so sore and tired..but I am smiling that this part of the journey is over.
Be safe and be happy... :) |
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Internal radiation is far worse than regular daily radiation...first instead of twenty minutes lying on a cold metal table I am lying there forthree hours in a not so comfortable postion. My back and tailbone hurt like crazy when I finish eachtime. Doesn't matter that they dope me up with tons of pain meds it still hurts like crazy.
One day I will look back at this and be happy and pain free but today I am not. |
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First internal radiation down this week...whew...it surely was not what I was expecting..much more painful than I ever imagined and didn't realize that it would continue 4 days later. Not sure if I will be making the next one on Tuesday or not. I do not think that my body is made for all of this pain even to try to get rid of the cancer which there is not a guarantee.
Life is not fair sometimes, I know that blue skies and happiness is not a guaranteed thing and you have to have bad things to enjoy the good things but this is far from anything else I have endured and I have endured many many painful moments in my life.
So I continue to put one foot in front of the other, try to continue to smile and move past the pain.
I wish the best to each of you... |
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Somedays I do not think that I will ever be over the sickness that comes with the chemo and radiation and yet I know each day is one day closer to the end. My oncologist seems to think that I will still need to have surgery because the rate of return for me with 2 kinds of cancer is in the high 90%...isn't that just wonderful to find out after all of this.
I struggle to stay happy and positive knowing that this is the way to be. Thanks for all of the prayers and support...you guys are the best....off to sleep for me now. |
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7/18 Yes!!! Chemo went much better yesterday but of course they shot me up full of drugs before hand...not too sure I like coming down from that several hours later but it helped me not to be so sick for the 5-6 hours I am getting my cocktail....
Halfway thru...Yippee....
Again...thanks to those of you who keep sending me positive messages...I so appreciate them and your concern and prayers.
And to the one...you know who you are...thanks for keeping me smiling :) |
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Rough week last week...thank you to the special ones that talked to me every day lifting my spirits and keep me sane. I hope you know you are it is because of you I can keep smiling and keep my wits about me....and you are special and cute..you know who I am talking about.
27 more treatments and hopefully it will be all gone....thanks again...hugs
Keep singing and dancing along life's pathways. |
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I am now in the battle for my life fighting 2 different cancers in my body at the same time. The radiation was bad enough everyday but the weekly 5 hour chemo sessions are kicking me right in the ass. I am tired and nauseated all of the time and I can only imagine it will be worse before it gets better....or at least I hope for better. I am not participating in the lifestyle due to m y illness but please feel free to talk to me as I can still be a friend at least for now.
Continue to look for your contentment, get your needs and desires fulfilled and be happy. We chose to walk the paths chosen for us by God to either be happy or sad, I have chosen to be happy and to surround myself with those who love and care about me. |
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