|
|
|
|
This is a challenging piece to write because it exposes a need that has long been hidden away. I am an executive. Have always been a leader, the one in charge. Married. Seen in the community as the straightest of arrows.
What started as a curious inkling has gradually grown to constantly fill my thoughts and now is prompting me to action.
I believe I am prepared to willingly and knowingly begin a journey that results in ever deepening physical, emotional, and psychological servitude. I am most definitely aware that this is not an event, it is a process.
I know that, emotionally, I will feel deep regret and experience humiliation on a level that is truly profound. Physically, I know that i will be used sexually in ways that make it very clear that I am the property of the one to whom I have submitted.
Most significantly, the one to whom I submit will delight in elegantly breaking me psychologically. This, I sense, is an art that requires intellect, patience, persistence, and creativity.
I believe that I will rebel at some point, but the constancy of the control and strength of will of the one to whom I submit ultimately results in my surrender. It will be, I suspect less a collapse that a growing realization all independence has eroded away and there is no way to regain it. Of course, this methodical breaking of my independent spirit is only a part of the journey, but my thoughts dwell on the moment of realization that have ceded my free will to someone else on every level and it cannot be undone. Helplessness in the absolute.
It feels crazy, but This is a journey I must take. What I need is to find someone who is intellectually capable of making this happen and would delight in doing so.
|
|
|
|
