The following is just some insight into my world, a reflection of my thoughts and feelings. I just thought I'd share b/c I'm tired and can't sleep and my mind tends to wander when I get like that. I hope it's worth the read.

I'm a father. To a young child. To hear her day "Daddy" melts me every single time. there is something so innocent and perfect to the tone and inflection and meaning. For a long time I was completely resistant to even the thought of someone calling me "Daddy" in the BDSM world. I blocked this out in my mind and considered it completely off limits. This was something I reserved for my child and related the word, meaning, and feelings with being a father.

Fast forward to a few months ago, and my opinion and attitude started to change. I met someone. Someone amazing. We quickly developed a deep bond. Pay came first, then, over time, our friendship and love grew. And something in me started to change. Maybe it's because I'm a father, but I began to have many of the same feelings toward my partner that I have with my daughter. I'm fiercely protective of them both. I'm loyal to a fault. I'm nurturing and caring and kind. I'm stern when I need to be and issue discipline when necessary. I am an authoritarian in both relationships. And most of all, I am the provider and receiver of love.

It was a moment in bed with my partner. It was in the heat of passion that she first said it. She called me Daddy. I felt something. But it wasn't what I thought I'd feel. Hearing he word coming from her mouth, I thought for that quick second that I'd feel like some taboo line was crossed. But I didn't feel that way. I felt a wave wash over me. It was passion, relief, and love.

I won't lie, it turned me on immensely. To this point in our relationship, I was struggling to find my identity. We were both switches. Both stubborn, smart, intuitive, and in love with each other. In many ways, she was much more experienced in this world than I am. I may have been involved longer, but she had more formal training and experience than I. I looked to her to be my guide, my partner in crime, my lover, and my friend. This was the first time that I truly started to understand where and how I might fit into this world and be happy and comfortable. I'm all the things you'd probably want in a dominant person - safe and sane, yet wickedly sadistic. I can be caring and nurturing and giving, and still be commanding and strict. The sub tendencies I have center around a hint of masochism and a need to please. "Daddy" started to make sense. I can be all of those things.

A weekend away with my ex-partner solidified this mentality for me. We'd begun to embrace this. She being submissive to me, my babygirl. Me starting to accept that my role as Master and Daddy to her in our little world. That weekend was one of the best of my life. After searching for an identity I found one.