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((Haitus))
Before you stands a demure femme, round of face and form but it is the smile flitting over fulsome lips the color of bruised peaches that catches your gaze and holds you. Small yet warm, it is both shy and unpreposing as it grows upon notice of your glance.
There is about her smile, a strange promise, an almost silent welcome to all but you can tell that it is not the truest revelation of her being. Much like a flower, this dark rose will only show the outer velvet petals of her bud but will bloom in full splendor under the heat of the right 'touch'.
Mark her well though for the mahogany line of her throat is broken only by a collar of supple blue as dark as midnight, a lingering gift that is still cherished though it no longer means what it once did.
Before you can ask her name, she slips away with those veiled almond eyes still singing of something yet to be shared.
It is only then that you spot the satchel slung over her shoulder, the flap open to display the hurried lines of sketches as well as a slender novella well thumbed through that you realize there is more transpiring behind those soft brown eyes than idle whimsies.
She moves through the crowd with care, always mindful of the bag even unconsciously. An accidental bump against another fellow knocks free a clothespin that she rapidly scoops back up in the nimble hand with a touch of wine flowing over the high swept cheeks.
Someone likes to play.
Rather quiet and shy as well as prone to making the strangest of sounds as i have been told, recent revelations in my life have shown that indeed, i desire a Poly House to serve when all is said and done.
Sisters are welcomed and desired as is a Master to offer the gift of my Submission to. T/they would find a light hearted and humor loving sub.
But for now, simply observing and speaking with those in the Life and learning is all that i seek.
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Song of the Moment: Before I Forget - Three Days Grace.
Again, an awesome song to be truthful.
i found a sister sub. Sweet hells i was not expecting that in the least but i did. Not a sister sub in the sense of one with whom i share a Sir or House with, but a dear sweet young woman who in truth has come to be incredibly dear to me.
i feel sharply for her hurts, her triumphs and her losses and gains. i worry for her like one of my kin and it surprises me. What doesn't surprise me is that she lives more than 10 hours away from me.
That little glitch is the one thing that i keep running into like a racer colliding with a wall at mach 1. *sighs* Ah well. To seek and search, to hope and to wait and try to behave myself until such times as i feel less broken and able to stand before a House and present myself to Him/Them.
Safe Journeys!
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Song of the Moment: Black Betty - Spiderbait.
Well, honestly there are not that many thoughts right now save that this is frankly one of the best songs i have ever come across for listening to when stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.
Or simply rolling down the street and bouncing in the car to.
Yes, my spirit of whimsy was rather happy with this musical choice this time around.
Speaking of choices. Apparently i need to be a bit more clear in my goals for a Sir or House and i want to say that i have a concrete definition of who and what i desire but i honestly cannot.
This is not because of back tracking or such, but because i had always thought that when one sought and searched, they would adpt their way of thinking and being to include new ideas and people they might have overlooked before and....well i guess my liberal streak hates to shoot down anyone before they have had a chance.
Ah well.
Live and let live....at the end of a leash. *grins*
Safe Journeys
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Song of the Moment: Alive - P.O.D.
Crap on a cracker today was the time to decide. There has always been the smaller issue in my life and journey to seek a House or Sir i am comfortable enough with to trust let alone petition.
However, it is not just about the trust as i am coming to see. It is also about what things are shared in realms of interest as well as simple compatibility. For me, there are small things and large things that are alike but it seems my tastes are so eclectic as to be akin to a die toss in the dark for finding someone who shares more than a few in passing.
Not to mention my spirit of whimsy. It is making it difficult to present at times the face of a slave truly seeking and not just a timid swinger. Who knew the two were so easily confused.
Even as there are those that say submission is not a dating service, i say...you are right. It is not. In no way whatsoever is the desire to serve with heart and soul linked to a need to feel emotionally connected to a Dominant at all.
Silly Ass Me.
Interests are hard though. Sometimes it is there, sometimes it is not. But there is one thing that is a truth held unwavering in that one should not compromise one's self to Fit into a House. Learn the rules, Aye. Learn the patterns, Aye. Remake oneself to fit? No No NO NO NO!
Just not something wise to do. Much as the House would not settle for a little they felt not up to par either within themselves or in their manners and actions, should a little so vastly change who they are simply to gain a much sought after mark of service?
Not for a good day in all the hells of man.
There is flexibility of mind which means a little will be adaptable to changes in the House as well as day to day living so that they will not only survive but THRIVE. To grow and to learn and to always come forth as someone who is more today than they began the day before.
There is flexibility of spirit which means although their House is their foundation in their soul they will not crumble into nothingness elsewhere in their lives because they know who and what the are and that can maintain even in times of hardship.
Flexibility of self. To move with the world as well as be moved by it.
There is so much to be...why make that glory less than what could ever be offered?
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Song of the Moment: Wasted Youth - Meatloaf.
Well. One more day down the drain.
Today's lesson is Honesty dears.
Let's all look at the ways we are honest both with others as well as ourselves. Now there are times when there is a need to fib, perhaps to bend the truth like a worm with irritable bowel syndrome. Then there are times when perhaps, there is nothing more important than being honest with both yourself as well as those who love and depend upon you.
Now, if one says they will do something but in their hearts know they cannot or will not. Frankly, it would be better all around if they just said that they wouldn't do it and then the person who asked could go on to a back up plan or perhaps figure out something else entirely to do.
Things like this are helpful and can make the person well liked because they know their limitations and abide by them. It lets other know what they can and cannot ask.
However, by the same token, there are times when people simply lie to themselves and they push the boundaries of what they know they can do or not do until something gives.
Until something twists.
Until something breaks.
Perhaps it shatters irrevocably. It is unknown.
However, this is the other side of honestly and truth. In this life there are so few things that we are told or given that are precisely what they seem to be that when we see it, we feel that we stand in the presence of something and someone greater than ourselves.
Such power lay in words or deed and indeed there is much power to be found in both.
i hope that such marvels are a daily occurance. Moonbright.
Safe Journeys. |
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Song of the Moment: DIG - Incubus.
Such a sour girl. Such a sad little child. Someone should not have told her such lies.
Class, today's topic shall be, What you say you want and What you really want.
This can range from the ever beloathed line that i hear about "bi-curious", to "Sure, I'm poly but you can not see other people besides women".
>.>
Where to begin in this one, where to begin?
You may be familiar with my outlook on the bi-curious stance. Frankly, if you find other women attractive but are not yet ready to take the plunge, please do not hide behind the coattails of your Domt/Top/Partner and claim that they forced or co-erced you into something you enjoyed but couldn't handle the shame of such pleasure later.
Seriously. Get off the fucking fence before a splinter gets lodged in your uterus. Even if you just want to watch, that is at least a decision!
*sighs*
The selective poly is just the usual hormonal fantasies that frankly do not pan out for either sexes. If a Domme or female top with poly oriented male/female littles, let's not say it is your perogative to date others but restrict them to you alone.
While i understand the need for control in many aspects to all aspects of the slave's life that fall within the boundaries of what they have freely given to You, such things can be incredibly hurtful to the relationship in the long run save those special wonderful littles who are genuinely pleased that their Sir/Ma'am is pleased in all ways.
However, if the Lead has agreed that the little may see others and yet at every opportunity says no to such interactions occuring while they themselves do so freely, well...can anyone else hear the clock ticking on that partnership?
Truly, from one to the other there needs to be balance maintained in all ways.
Which leads to another thought. If you are alright with a partner essentially swinging but not so with them bringing home a dedicated Third, do you really want one at all?
Seriously. Is one really sought? It seems that so many thirds are frightened of the possiblilities of being relegated as essentially the bitch-slaves of the Alpha or called only when 'needed' instead of included in the bosom of House and Home.
Not to mention the stickiness of understanding what rights if any are had or given to them by the Lead.
Such fragile buds to bow their heads before the chilled breath of a lonely winter.
Honestly though, it is hard not to be swept up into the heady energy of an established House and wish to immerse yourself fully in the warmth and love there. However, i am aware that it takes time.
Not only for them to understand you and your ways, your quirks, your habits and your views....but also for you to do the same.
It is so hard to sink down and find a perfect fit instead of trying to hammer, chisel and shape something close into the right 'one' for either party.
In closing.
Decide what you want. What all want honestly, not just say they want for the benefit of those they love and serve or Lead.
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Song of the Moment: Why - Annie Lennox.
So. Someone told me that i would be saddened if the friendship of their current beau was suddenly gone from my life. She seemed more than passingly shocked when my response was 'No. Not really.'
See, to her line of thinking, being friends means being utterly devastated if the contact which has been maintained for longer than 6 weeks goes away one day.
To her line of thinking, she and i are best friends by proxy because i view her beau as a wayward son of the last 2 years.
Wow. i have no idea where i gave her that impression. i've weathered at least three of his 'one true loves' and watched as all went packing, but i am southern and heaven forbid i should be rude. Besides, she's genuinely good for him and as long as neither one attempts to hurt the other in spite, i foresee marriage there.
However, it is startling at times to see the Polyanna complex spring up now and then. Do i enjoy people? Highly.
Do i enjoy healthy relationships? Well i certainly hope so. So why the negative response when asked if i would be crushed?
Simple. i view many people as transitory unless it seems they will remain. Forgive if that makes me a bit shallow as well as unpersonal. You see, i care greatly about people and for people but i do not hinge my life on the belief that they will remain around forever.
Everyone dies.
Everyone has things and people in their lives who are Not me that might just *gasp!* take precedence and they have to fade away.
If they return, like the prodigal son, i am overjoyed as well as feel blessed. If they choose to stay away, i still feel honored that they chose to share a portion of their lives with me for however short or long that time may have been.
So no. i miss those that i have loved deeply but sadly i was always a loving if tacturn child and understood reality when a best friend had to move away in the 3rd grade.
You cannot promise forever when it is not promised to you, and those that attempt such things make me more leery than anyone could conceivably believe.
And so it is admitted. You are welcomed in but only so far. This is my parlor and there are no spiders, no flies, no shadows and no doors. But it is my parlor and your stay is dictated by your manners and my grace.
Stay a while. Rest a while. Enjoy yourself and relax.
The doors are always open. |
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Song of the Moment: Life is a Lemon - Meatloaf.
White Knights and Golden SHowers. Odd title for this post but i felt it rather fitting. If one is not careful both can lead you towards the seeing something slipping down the drain.
It is ...difficult. Trusting is infinitely hard as is facing the truth about one's emotional state. After being hurt, we do not wish to anylonger feel whatever fleeting or essential part of our essence that is linked to that pain.
We do not wish to but at the same time, we know it cannot be ignored without detriment. However, there is a trap in that enlightenment as slippery and sweet as love's first kiss, a haunting as the promise of breath and as real as the singular pulsation of your own heart.
The trap is of lingering over that pain. Allowing it too great a chokehold upon your time, your thoughts and your energy under the guise of growth. Of introspection so deep within one's self that one is blinded to all that happens around you.
Eyes turn inward can neither see the crumbling edges of the cliffside ahead as one continues the journey that is Life. Ears tuned too sharply for the half-muttered and sometimes tear-soaked words of encouragement one says aloud to get through a 'moment' cannot hear when honest and true care fills the voices of those close at hand.
It is such...a tricky and dangerous trek in self discovery. In self healing. Often it is too easy to fool oneself. Far too easy.
Hmm...such a hard place to see out of somedays.
So....the real trick is...to not fall in.
Safe Journeys |
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Song of the Moment: Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too - Say Anything.
Just to start things off, this song made me laugh until i nearly wet myself, i swear.
Back to the thoughts.
Bridges. Life is about building them and learning which ones should be maintained and which ones simply look solid but crumple upon the first step across them.
You see, i was recently asked who did i have to draw upon should something dire happen in my life and i said no one. It is a very sad state of affairs that perhaps should be changed when one cannot even rely upon those that mean the most to them either because they know them too well or just because life in general has blunted and beaten the hot piss out of your trust.
i will vote on the latter.
Little things b uilding to large and hateful monuments that stand the test of time and all sorts of problems.
In this again i look at bridges. Those of family, work, friends, and the ones that form with simple interaction with other human beings. Lords of Thunder but the latter can vary from fey creations of gossamer and dew to acrid clumps of fetid lumber and debris.
Look inside of yourself and ask if the bridges that radiate from you like spokewheels are any that you could trust to bear the weight of your life even if for but a moment.
Some...may surprise you with their strength. For others...hold onto solid land lest you fall.
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Song of the Moment: Nice Shot - Filter
Hmm...well to say that the last few entries have been fatalistic in the extreme would be an understatement to say the least.
*smiles*
i will apologize now for the downswing in my generally upbeat emotions.
It happens. Can't have sun without a bit of rain and darkness.
Otherwise the world would turn into ash from all that constant light.
Today,
is better than Monday to say the least my dears and while speaking to a
friend she shared with me something that made me frankly blink in utter
awe.
The Theory of Helga.
Sweet gods where had that been
hiding from me? In another blog i had termed them Onny and Neko
but...it so fit precisely how i was as a slave that it brought a tingle
to my toes.
If you have read it before, share it. If you never have, please enjoy it and spread it widely.
*Helga Theory.*
Inside
every woman (and every man as well... but for the purpose of this
post... will stay with women) is an independent woman who represents
our assertive drive. Or ego if you will. Ego is not a bad word...
unless it is used for selfish purposes only. Our ego, or drive... gets
us up in the morning. Gives us the determination to deal with day to
day things, strive towards a goal, makes decisions, gets us out of
harms way, and pushes us to stand up in front of others with our
opinions knowing that all will not be received well. This is *Helga.*
As you can see, Helga wears many hats. Most of which, many times, may
be the proverbially *cone bra & helmut.* Ya see... Helga (who has
grown much larger as she gets older) also has another job. She protects
the other person living inside this woman... the little girl/submissive.
Helga
has been conditioned by her environment (nurture) with fear. She has
seen the *little girl/submissive* being abandoned, used, abused and all
in all... not loved. The little girl however... is still just that... a
little girl by nature. She wants to come out to play... trusting in all
she meets... showing little fear of her surroundings... reaching out to
love and be loved... unconditionally.
Helga... is her guardian.
Helga is the one men/Doms do battle with. Helga is the one that could
get the Pope to reconsider His faith! When one is hearing Helga spout
off... (as in trying to figure out how a conversation about finances
can get turned around to arguing about garbage bags)... what many times
He is hearing is the verbalization of the internal battle between Helga
and the little girl. A very frustrating time for the woman... as she
tries to sort out her intellect from her emotions.
Many times...
men will give up trying to reconcile the conversation and leave. Helga
then wins. Some men will try to battle Helga straight on. But as any
good warrior will tell you... one should never battle the enemy on
THEIR turf. Helga will win again. For you see Helga will convince
herself... no matter how *right* Your points are... that you know not
of what You speak. In BOTH instances... the little girl submissive is
standing behind the leg of Helga... praying you don't go away.
The
trick is to learn to walk right through Helga... not by breaking her
down per se... but by not *Reacting* toooo much to her
insecurities/fears. Whatever we react to... automatically gives it more
power. So the trick is to recognize Helga's fears... and walk calmly
through them... to then reach our for the hand of the little
girl/submissive who yearns to come out to play.
You then... become the Guardian.
And Helga... can sit her little ass down... knowing the submissive is safe.
Helga
seems to make herself known from time to time. She at times... will get
back up. She, as in all life, wants to exit. She will challenge You
from time to time. Test you unconsciously, to see if You still can be
trusted with the Guardianship of little girl/submissive. If you
(generic) don't buckle or react too much to her... she will soon know
that the little girl is safe... and can rest again.
Slowly... you *should* notice... she makes fewer and fewer appearances.
Now
i know... this all may sound oh so very simple in dealing with the
complexities of humans. Life is certainly not black & white. But i
hope i maybe put a name to some of it for you.
Good luck and keep walking through... *Helga.*
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Song of the Moment: Sewn - The Feeling
Pardon Sir please if i offend.
Let my touch upon You try to amend.
But the thoughts You seek desperately to know.
Are mine to keep, and not to show.
Why? You ask?
i don't know You like that.
For You are to please with my eyes lowered.
Leave me tied, deprived, by Your words adored.
So why my silence when a question is given?
My shield to block when You are so driven?
Why? You ask with sorrow profound.
i don't know you like that.
Pardon is begged as easily as air.
You have my respect and believe that i care.
To kneel and serve and throat i hope to give.
In this service unto YOU i can truly live.
But this spirit is scarred and the soul adrift.
In the slave's own heart there is a rift.
And until a bridge can be made which spans.
It is only the flesh which You can command.
Why? Your fingers lift my chin with care.
But the eyes that find Yours are shuttered.
i don't know you like that.
Don't seek the heart behind the doors.
Or the restless spirit pacing its floors.
Look not for the smile that filled my eyes.
Take my truth for i would not give You lies.
Why? You ask with a touch of pain.
i don't know you like that.
i can give You this body to do what You please.
Whatever You desire. Whatever You need.
Through my pain i must forge before i can follow.
Anything else is a service most hollow.
And this is a path i will tread alone.
Tear away the pain, replace it with stone.
Why? You ask with that patient smile.
Why alone? Why not with Me as your strength as you are My succor?
...because...i am scared to know you like that...
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Song of the Moment: Candy Man - Christina Aguilera.
Well it is shaping up to be something like a disappointing week. Perhaps it is simply one of those days but in all honesty am just very very tired of continuous sunshine.
Seriously, the world could not survive the kind of drought and inhuman teperatures that would result from an orbit that brough eternal sunlight to one half of it.
So why is it presumed that someone can be chipper in every moment of everyday?
Then again, have yet to decipher the spell to be 'drama free' as so many seem to desire.
hmm...will ponder this more but for now, it is time for the moon to come up.
~....ain't no sunshine when she's gone....~
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Song of the Moment: Rain King - Counting Crows.
Hm... It seems the river has
dried up and left behind the dusty discourse of a wandering and
meandering ribbon of silken mud behind it.
It occurred to me how
many deny themselves, their inner voices and outer lives. How many
simply continue in the day to day of the dreary and humdrum and
convince themselves that what they are doing is enough? Just enough to
ward off the deepening whole in their spirit or the darkness where that
soul used to be?
Perhaps their colors have muted with time until
the vibrant plums and passionate teals have become the same washed out
shades of puce and haggard grey? To look into the clouds and no longer
see a shape must be a sad thing indeed i must say.
There is one
thing to say about giving up a dream though in order to live a life
with peace and normalcy. To know in the very utmost that is the fabric
of your being that you are one thing but to set it aside and accept
something else in order to find a kind of contentment. There is
something to be said for such. Something but i am unsure what those
words should be or ever could be in all honesty.
Love is like
that i think. At times to hold onto it, even the bad kinds, we may let
ourselves be less than we truly can be or are destined to be just so
that we can say we are happy even if the words themselves no longer
reflect on that innermost state of being.
How can someone say
they are happy when they are not? Lie to themselves and those they
supposedly love just to maintain? And that is all they are doing.
Maintaining. Remaining. Holding a fragile peace without because they
gave up so long ago within themselves.
For those who had a dream and set it aside in the sake of such a hollow and eventually corrupting peace, i wish upon you war.
i
wish upon you terror and fear, rage and agonies unspeakable. i wish
upon you weeping and wailing and i wish upon you things undreampt in
the lowest festering pits of hell.
Why would i wish such things upon those whom my eyes have never touched upon nor possibly will?
Because...at
least agony is a feeling. And when one is in agony, one seeks to stop
it and strive to make it not be so any longer. What those...mundane
beings are now, is numb of soul.
*smiles tightly and gives a dark laugh*
....it's time for some new sensations.... |
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Song of The Moment: The Downward Spiral - Nine Inch Nails
While
speaking to Teacher, the subject came up of the differences between a
pleasure slave and a sex slave. *flops on a pillow of blue velveteen
and purrs*
Now, i know what you are thinking. What is the difference? Aren't they one in the same?
Well
as anyone who has ever had bad sex can tell you, intercourse isn't
always pleasurable and not all pleasures in life need involve physical
intimacy. To think that one is the same as the other is to limit either
one.
To
be a pleasure slave is to be pleasing. To please with one's mind, one's
presence. There is delight in their smile and their thoughts as well in
watching them perform simple or complex tasks. The joy brought when
they return from work or an outing, the sensation crafted in the heart
to hold their hand and the tranquility of the soul and mind that being
around them brings.
They
are joy and they are creatures in the guise of mankind who by their
every breath create peace and enrapture with a single smile.
A
sexual slave is a pleasure slave but perhaps less and perhaps more.
Where the pleasure inspires joy, the sex inspires ecstasy. Where
there is a visual delight in the movement of a pleasure slave as they
go about their tasks, there is an inherent sensuality in the air and
bearing of a sex slave that can be mimicked by the pleasure but is akin
to a mask compared to the true face.
One
cannot easily tell the difference between the two though for the
purveyor of the sensual arts, the ability to hone and enamor others
whom would normally find themselves drawn to a different type than the
sex slave, are swept into their sphere of influence and caught fast.
Unsure of how they became so and undoubtedly reluctant to escape even
if such freedom were presented to them.
For they are in the grasp of a rarity.
A
breath, the turn of cheek or leg. Position of form and enunciation of
a word, roll of the tongue and pursing of the lips in speech. To see
such a creature is to behold the very embodiment of what is carnal and
the possibility of utter possession for they do not only incite the
desire to share in their flesh for the temporary moments such raptures
last, but to sink deeply into the slippery sweetness of their minds and
souls and stir as deep a corresponding need within their breasts as
they create in others.
There
is no greater feeling of helplessness than to want and want utterly but
be unsure if such a heady state of emotional vulnerability is returned
or shared.
One should always know one's nature and be careful of the backlash simply existing can cause. So...which are you?
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Song of the Moment: It's All Coming Back To Me - Meatloaf.
Well, it seems that the day to day frenzies of life generally bending me over and whispering in the not so pleasant way 'Ya like that bitch, huh?' i have forgotten to update my journals.
ALL of them.
Normally i do take the time out to at least jot down a thought or ten just because i find such things cathartic. However, in this journey to learn more about my gradual shift from submissive to embrace my slave nature, it seems that all thoughts of such things have ground to a stand still.
Funny thing that considering that so much in the last few months have happened which do warrant at least a mental airing if nothing else.
Hmm...as in all journeys or tales, where else to begin save at the beginning?
Since the last entry which i will admit tap danced the border of frantic depression and manic acceptance of certain failings in life and how to grow from them while simultaneously wishing they had never happened, my Journey headed north.
Specifically to the merry and damned cold state of Indiana. After speaking at length with a gentleman and young woman who quite understood that in life, the loss of the heart's love can be a slow process to recover from, offered me a week of solace beside them which i readily accepted and do hope that they enjoyed as much as i did.
i will admit though that even as it was a wonderful week in which to learn more about them day to day as well as to enjoy the company of those who were also in the lifestyle, it made me mourn again that i could not seem to locate that kind of camaraderie and ease in my own backyard.
There were those i consider friends and frankly akin to family but they do not hold the status of playmates and i am unsure they ever would. There are just some lines which should not be crossed i think.
Now, in this couple i find matches for humor, warmth, wit and just plain playfulness, however i am still not to a point in my life that i can easily accept affections and return them.
i know this, i tell others this and yet a person's nature is what it is.
Time will tell how this pans out i suppose.
Another happenstance is that for all of my lamenting of there being no one local to compare thoughts with since everyone seems to have such differing schedules, i did run across another local Georgian who interested me.
Yes. This is said with much astonishment since the types of people that catch and hold my interest barely number into the double digits.
Not only is it an interest, it is a curiosity which by now has a large control over much of my interaction with him.
Not to say that my general caution and respect are lacking, just that my curiosity is the one aspect of my personality that i know very well rules me with an iron fist. This remains to be seen where he and i go although i have accepted his offer for training.
More on my thoughts of that later.
On another tidbit, i seem to have lost a Protector. He's about so tall with sandy hair and....
i know, i know... A bad joke for such a sore spot. i can understand his reasons for deciding that it would be for the best, but honestly it does just suck to me.
Another voice faded from the choir as it were. Lost kitty, lost angel, lost bull.
Through it all the bear remains. The bear remains as always and in Him i find the peace of being precisely who i am without regret, ire, pain or the need to explain away what i am.
What i am is what i am and no i will not explain that here. It is too damned hard and there are no words for it that i can choose that would make sense to me let alone another.
And to top it off, i exchanged thoughts and hurts as well as laughter with another couple that in truth feel very much like a home to me but that damning fear of leaving my state keeps me bound in one place.
Again, a display of my cowardice since it makes me wonder if i truly desired something, would i even attempt to go after it in the least or simply moan and cry for it and never once put one foot before the other to obtain it?
Gods...such quandaries. |
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Song of the Moment: We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy.
Red Flags.
Carmine banners upon the fields of battle that denote victory or rememberence of the fallen who gave their lives to place it there.
Red Flags.
The tiny seeds of uncertainty that spring up in the fertile soil of doubt which fills the mind like a creeping mist when a potential situation feels just a tad askew.
To say at the moment my tiny seed was not blooming full burst into a might gnarled oak surrounded by a klaxon call that makes an air raid siren sound like crooning....would be an understatement.
Patience is a hard virtue to learn and frankly the only one that is self-defeating at times. It is a lesson that i am trying to learn and adhere to strongly but it is so difficult when a hopeful situation sets every warning nerve on edge with portions of it.
How things are perfect, but almost too perfect.
How a person is sweet, but almost too sweet.
Yes, i know that smacks heavily of paranoia and of a gunshy attitude born from the kind of trauma one only whispers about to themselves in the corner while curled up in dread as a flashback shakes them to the core.
But seriously, the red flags wave and the eyes close.
The klaxon screams and the ears shut down.
Sweet merciful bags of a banded fuck...i hope this is not a mistake.
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Song of the Moment: Lithium - Evanesance
Love
is like a tree just before the turning of the seasons from the
sweltering embrace of summer to the much more tepid affections of a
crisp autumn.
For every place within your heart there is a
varied tenderness, a caring that is not like its neighbor and yet the
same in all the ways that matter.
Should a love drift away on the
winds of change and fate, whether plucked against their will or merely
in the fulfilment of time, they take with them a part of you still.
Be they at the fringes of your heart where all men dwell in the genial
coverings of peace and brotherhood, hope and belief that all of mankind
can be far more noble than they often are and sometimes put that
nobility to shame with how great they truly can be, there is still that
love.
Be they closer to the core ofyour soul, the well spring
of your life and your world and every breath that flows from them is a
soothing balm unto your life and troubled mind, still there is love.
Some will argue.
Some will seek a pen around your trunk to contain your love at its roots.
Some will seek to prune away the 'excess' in their minds and make your love grow as they wish.
Some will shake you, force you to relinquish all of the decorations of
your affections until you are a pitiful thing shivering naked in the
cold of winter. Without love and needing to give it as much as take it.
Gods.
Someday.
Someday they will understand.
Be it the fresh kiss of spring and the loves that blossoms forth from the verdant bud.
Be it the hardier and more mature emerald of a love tested and fully grown in every way.
Be it the faded yet wonderous beauty of emotions that have become
colored far differently than their beginnings and yet still capture the
heart like no other.
Be it nothing at all but a place for new love to grow in hope.
Someday they will understand.
No matter what it looks like. No matter how it changes.
A LEAF IS STILL A GOD DAMNED LEAF PEOPLE!!!
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Song of the Moment: Voices - Yoko Kanno
Respect This Place.
Quiet moments of introspection, feeling that this world could be better but unsure how so. Desiring the lifting weight of a collar about the throat, the pent breath of expectation and the joy that be it kink, vanilla or purest Life which comes from Service.
How to define it? Why would we even try? For many there are almost too many definitions roaming through the dank back alleys of their hearts and thoughts for any to hold up beneath the harsh light of public scrutiny.
My slavery is not your slavery, no disrespect intended.
My submission is not your submission, please pardon my tone.
My views are not your views, forgive any terseness.
My Dominant is my Dominant, my Couple is my Couple. To compare Them to another, to hold Them up against those who are not Them does a greater disservice to each side of the mirror.
For in doing so, one is belittled no matter how polite and humble the words are and no matter how innocent the comment. Each crop bears the scent and sweat of the hands that weilded it, each collar contains the love of the little who bears it.
So too are the doors and walls of each House the bearers of that Dominant's spirit and rules to be honored even if not agreed upon by others.
For the House is a Land and each Land has a Ruler. Dip your head or bow in respect in your soul and words to acknowledge what you would desire given.
*Sighs*
How often it is forgotten that respect is earned through the coins of good manners and words, not to be taken by force like an invading horde.
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Song of the Moment: Voices - Yoko Kanno
Respect This Place.
Quiet moments of introspection, feeling that this world could be better but unsure how so. Desiring the lifting weight of a collar about the throat, the pent breath of expectation and the joy that be it kink, vanilla or purest Life which comes from Service.
How to define it? Why would we even try? For many there are almost too many definitions roaming through the dank back alleys of their hearts and thoughts for any to hold up beneath the harsh light of public scrutiny.
My slavery is not your slavery, no disrespect intended.
My submission is not your submission, please pardon my tone.
My views are not your views, forgive any terseness.
My Dominant is my Dominant, my Couple is my Couple. To compare Them to another, to hold Them up against those who are not Them does a greater disservice to each side of the mirror.
For in doing so, one is belittled no matter how polite and humble the words are and no matter how innocent the comment. Each crop bears the scent and sweat of the hands that weilded it, each collar contains the love of the little who bears it.
So too are the doors and walls of each House the bearers of that Dominant's spirit and rules to be honored even if not agreed upon by others.
For the House is a Land and each Land has a Ruler. Dip your head or bow in respect in your soul and words to acknowledge what you would desire given.
*Sighs*
How often it is forgotten that respect is earned through the coins of good manners and words, not to be taken by force like an invading horde.
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Song of the Moment: Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge.
A truly...well..scene worthy song for a truly twisted thought that sprang up in the wee hours of the morning between what has transpired and what is yet to come.
This thought percolating in my fevered little mind?
Little Shop of Horrors the movie.
Mind you...what sparked it was the scene between Steve Martin's character and the shop girl Audrey in which, clad all in leather and snapping his fingers with that authoritative sneer, he barked out the question 'Sorry what?!' to which she squeaks and promptly replies 'Doctor! Sorry Doctor!'
Now, on the heavier end of mental musings one can see the unhealthy aspect of their relationship but when looking at The Doctor and the following scene with Bill Murray as the masochist to Martin's sadist...i was wondering at the slight overtones throughout the movie itself. Or at least up until The Doctor becomes The Meal.
However, through the chuckles still ellicited by the movie, i simply let rest the less than mirthful thoughts that while many in the Lifestyle quote themselves as natural born sadists, there is still a level and a threshold beyond which they will not rationally travel lest they are marked as monsters.
There is depravity and then there is depraved. The Doctor was at a threshold that he routinely danced across from one patient to another and relished every moment of it. Danced? Hell...he put the entire troupe of the riverdance to shame with his footwork. And was PAID to do it!
*grumbles about the wrong lines of work before bowing*
Oh...for any Lifers who play online and in particular on a NWN server, drop me a line for a heads up on a very, very warm and welcoming BDSM oriented one.
Until then, Safe Journeys!!
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Song of the Moment: Drowning Pool - Bodies.
TWISTED TOYLAND!!
Toyland, Toyland....
Kinky girl and boi-land.
Once you dwell within it.
You are ever happy there!
Kin-ky Toyland
Sadistic fun is on hand
Once the binding's tied up
Then the fun will soon begin!
Toyland, Toyland
Whippings were all on hand
Once you enter in it
You'll be ever happy there.
Toyland...
Toyland...
Toyland....
Yes...i am a very twisted little puppy and love every bark.
*ruff, ruff*
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Song of The Moment: Hate Me - Blue October.
A KAJIRA'S STORY
The girl pads forward hesitantly, bare
feet finding the polished beams of the flooring with the ease of a
dancer before glancing around upon the stage and then looking over one
softly sloping shoulder to someone unseen. As though given a signal,
she closes her eyes and lifts before her slender arms draped in smooth
skin that shimmers like molten bronze.
As the light plays over
the fiery highlights of the deep auburn tresses which rest upon her
bare shoulders, almond eyes of freshly minted gold stare out across the
crowd but see nothing save the vision within her mind. The beautifully
wrought heart-shaped face was calm if not entirely serene since the
parting of full lips the heavy color of spiced peaches fell open with a
shuddery gasp.
With the first strike of the drum, she begins.
Out
within the crowd, eyes the hot green of exotic rain-drenched jungles
watch her through gilded lashes as the rounded form of the newest
acquisition to the Hearth Stone propels her body across the stage. Her
movements are swift and light, a pleasure to both the eyes and
sensibilities for the classic training upheld by all slaves who bore a
mark of a Lord or Lady is proudly displayed in every line of her body.
Stepping
forward on one foot, a slow wave rolls seductively from that placing to
course up her body which undulates, flaring hips rolling in figure
eights as she lowers herself onto her knees with arms held high and
crossed at the wrists as though bound. A few murmurs of approval for
the display pass amongst the crowd for a kajira who so openly
acknowledges her place is prized and favored.
His tongue glides
agross his lips as he watches her, eyes traveling along the full lift
of the mahogany breasts barely contained by the camisk clothing her
when she leans back until her head rests on the staging, her
cloth-covered slave heat teasing the crowd as she writhes in
hypnotically in mock ectasy to the beat of the hidden musicians.
Quick
as a flash of summer lightning, she is back upon her knees, smiling
coyly over her shoulder with back to all and arms demurely covering her
treasures but hips now swinging the side to side arc of a pendulum.
This time it is an appreciative sound of mirth that comes and even the
firm slash of the green-eyed man's mouth quirk upwards to see such
flirtation.
For uncounted minutes she danced for them, put heart
and being into every step and turn, contortion of her body to display
the rounded firmness of every limb, the willingness of this eager slave
to please a Lord or Lady and the devotion to be offered to each task
given. Her eyes pleaded for something unnamed as her skin began to
glisten with the exhertion of her craft and around the room the
tinkling, clanking music of leashes and chains joined the song around
her as the gathered Tarl pulled close a favored slave to help further
their enjoyment of the girl's performance.
Yet again, her eyes scanned
the crowd and this time there was little disguising the joy upon her
face or the way her thighs tensed and belly rolled to the climactic
finale of the song and both she and it finished in a flurry of motion
that cut instantly, leaving her posed as she had been before.
Kneeling
again with arms held aloft as though captive, displaying her
submission, her willingness to serve and soulful longing to do so. Only
those closest to the stage would have heard her moan but by now the
room was half filled with various sounds of contentment so hers would
have been utterly lost.
Lost to all save one. Striding through
the aisle and stepping over one limb or two with booted feet, the
large, battle hardened man climbed the platform and strode across it
towards her. The boards beneath him creaked in protest of the solid
mass of his body and to any who beheld him, the sight of the numerous
scars branding every bit of exposed flesh migh thave been startling.
But as his fingers captured the chin of the girl and brought her eyes
up towards him, only love shone in those amber depths as she whispered,
"Has this one done well Master?"
Nodding once, he took
hold of her still lifted wrists to draw her up and crush his mouth over
her own, growling against the soft lips which parted instantly and
offered the sweet morsels of her needy mewlings for him to devour. A
click placed the leash upon her collar and he slowly lowered her to the
floor with another fierce yet loving kiss.
"Aye little one, that you
did. Now come along so your Lord may take his time rewarding his treasured slave with the night she has earned here on the boards."
At such news, was it any wonder her smile was so beatific?
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Song of the Moment: Everything Louder Than Everything Else! - MEATLOAF
*is singing at the top of the capacity of the human lungs to do so and enjoying every note*
May a joyful noise unto that which YOU respect and observe! A joyful noise of thanks and praise. A resplendant song of peace and hope! Sing oh sing of all these things!
Today's favored line comes from one of my least favored movies. When faced with people who irk, irritate, annoy, exasperate and just genuinely piss Y/ou the hell off.....
A gentle mantra of 'karma is a bitch' is one way to go.
Also advised is the dream of them taking 'a sugar-frosted fuck' off the tip of whatever rusty-nail studded implement of Y/our choice.
However through all of that...there is peace that is had in the core of one's spirit when it is understood that both dear friends and loved ones are at hand to bolster flagging spirits and help maintain hope.
~And in the fury of this darkest hour...
~We will be you light. You've asked me for my sacrifice...
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Song of the Moment: You Should Know - Alanis Morrisette.
Sex slave. There is indeed a freedom from self and all that is learned and held dear by the thought of simply caving in and being used and taking the ultimate pleasure in that use. To be pinned down, held fast or caught up in the endless swirl of white hot passions and lusts without regard to physical constraints, moral delimmas or any law of this world save that of hearing a growl of "MINE" while the universe is rearranged inside your Core and Mind.
Now....that....that is out of the way...*passes a towelette or two around* There is also the issue underlying the sneak peak into that sumptuous side of the Dominant and slave/sub interaction. Namely, finding those who are Top and can actually SEE the person lurking just beneath the sultry vision of the wanton little fuck beast kneeling before Them like the most lurid of desert mirages every envisioned.
To learn that a little one has the deviant inclinations of a touched-starved teenager just on the cusp of maturity and fed a steady supply of Cosmopolitan's Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex, Psalms and Shakespeare all their lives but....still sit with them and converse about more than what stirs their loins.
Look into their eyes, look into their faces raised in supplication, contorted in agonized bliss and silent yearning or vocalized need. Ponder the meaning of the quiet between each pent breath that sears their lungs. Savor their deepest thoughts and most base yearnings as one in the same, placing neither above the other and treasure the jewel that lives and breathes before You.
Ahh...but that all could look down and see that is where Heaven lay.
It seems that all too often the CyberDomJuans as i have heard them titled see the blossoming submissive as a fantastic means of gaining both a one night stand as well as a potential slut to call up whenever their dick feels a little too dry.
In all fairness, there are male subs who have likely gotten calls from so called CyberMattaHaris who needed the dust swept from their pipes as well.
This is disheartning since it hinders and renders almost overly cautious little ones who actively wish to seek a Sir, Ma'am or Them.
Again...while this may be a concept difficult for someone married or desperate to hit it and quick it, just be honest.
*hums softly* ...oh...my needs? Those are my secrets to share.
Safe Journeys
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Song of the Moment: Lips of an Angel - Hinder
D/s and an ongoing vanilla relationship. Such things are possible and it often makes me wonder about little ones whose relationships with their Sir, Ma'am or Them is such a dynamic. How is a balance struck between all sides or does it enrich each party?
What of the ones who keep their submission hidden from a spouse or signifigant other. Does that dichotomy in their inner selves affect either their service or the marriage/relationship signifigantly?
Can a heart serve two masters literally with ease? Perhaps the other partner is a closet submissive? *grins widely at the thought* Service unto a House by a submissive couple...or even a blending of both families into an extended whole.
Wow...such a delightful thought.
Of course there is also the downside of having feelings hurt on one side or the other. Someone feeling that their time has been encrouched upon or simply not as fulfilling as it once was. Strife...tension and anger repressed or expressed in chilly interactions.
Hmm...so much to consider before simply following the sweet yearnings of the submissive spirit.
Safe Journeys
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Song of the Moment: Peanutbutter Jelly Time - Buckwheat Boys.
....alright now this one i blame solely on my love of my children and the damned dancing banana in the CM chat icons.
Yes i say blame since only love could have me download the Spongebob Squarepants movie soundtrack so they could have a dance party in my room with their cousins.
To clarify...i LOOOOATHE the air surrounding the word Spongebob and would rather watch Bob the Builder infinitely myself. But that is because i like Scoop and Lofty.
Yes i can discuss an enjoyable novel as well as a favored children's show with equal decorum but am still lost as to where the gentlemen Doms reside? Now in the interests of fair play it is almost always assumed that female Dominants are somehow Ladies until They choose to no longer be so.
By that same token, where is it written that a male Dominant is pardoned a lack of basic manners simply because they are Dominant? Some are taking a tarry, fecund brush to this honorable title with their behaviors and it is many a disillusioned or abused sub that suffers from it if they are just beginning in the life.
This is not to say there aren't Dominant males who have that sheer level of self assured bravado or air about Them that says 'while I Can be a perfect ass, please understand that it is My choice not to be.'
To You...well...i truly have no inkling as to how to address that save this way.
Your restraint is greatly appreciated, duly noted and if a sub may inquire, do You teach classes?
*grins* as always...Safe Journeys.
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Song of the Moment: Mr. Brightside - The Killers.
*Just knows someone is wondering how big my playlist is* Well to satisfy those with trivia-doting curiousities....7.5gb and growing.
What lays in my heart cannot be seen with idle eyes for idle eyes see only what lays before them and no further.
What rests in my soul cannot be felt by casual hands for casual hands only feel what they wish to shape.
What sings in my spirit cannot be heard by fickle ears for fickle ears are deaf to any song that blocks the words that their mouths speak.
What i am i wish to share.
Who i am i wish to be seen.
i am not special, i am me.
i wish that to be enough for T/hem.
Because with T/hem, i can be more.
Until then, i will grow.
...on that note...it seems that i have been allowing bad habits and less than positive thinking to color how i view my submission to a potential Sir or House. i personally see myself as a burden however delightful in mind, body or personality i may be but a burden nonetheless.
This is not quite a self-esteem issue since in my opinion i am cushy and warm. -^_^- This is that wicked practicality of Virgo passions rearing its head once more.
Yes...we tend to have that problem more often than other signs save Scorpios. Practical passion states that while i can tend house and help with little ones or chores in a House as well as engage in conversation and/or play with any there, i come along with many personal or financial constraints that make me feel it is unfair to approach Any House.
...someone who heard this told me that if i had a Sir, they would contact Him and suggest i be made to write an essay in the counterpoint of that. Something between 250-5000 words if i recall.
Still, i can't help how i feel even if it may not be agreed upon. To each their opinion i say. Perhaps when all is settled, i will feel more at ease with approaching potential Houses and Sirs but until then...i think i should grow as i am and know that one day i will kneel without a doubt in my heart.
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Song of the Moment: Play Me - Neil Diamond.
...what? i like classics and he's about as classic as one can get without invoking the spirit of Pan. o.0
Honesty is almost synonymous with difficulty even if it should at times be the easiest thing in the world for many people. In this i speak of personal honesty with oneself before approaching another.
i would love to say that i feel i am an honest person. When approached by interested parties i lay it before T/hem that i have a protector and that for reasons which may be shared then or with further conversation, i will Not be packing my things after only chatting an hour and moving across the country.
Even within the borders of my beloved state, i still will not be moving away a great distance. In that i liken myself to a dryad or hamadryad. Lovers of Bullfinch's Mythology...Y/you know where i am coming from i am sure.
But beyond that, how difficult can it be to see a potential sub or Dominant and say to oneself before writting a greeting '...ya know...i would love to fuck that person silly.'
While not in the least judgemental and as playful as the next burgeoning nympho on the planet, there is a certain distaste to inquiring politely of someone about themselves seeking to learn more of what drives and motivates them as well as possible common interests only to recongize that the conversation devolves constantly into mentions of play.
Frankly, i actually have no issue with people approaching me as potential playmates. i am not so proper as to not consider that as a possibility with those who peak my interest. However, feeling the need to disguise that simple enough request with the possibility of hawt sexings turning magically into some portent of Y/our capabilities as a House or something that will lull me to be collared to Y/ou?
*tries so hard not to laugh but it is sooooo much more difficult not to succumb to it*
Pardon begged effusively and humbly, but no. Please understand that i see that as the greatest of deceptions. i am young to this Life and woefully new to so many aspects of it but please...that does not make me blind nor does it mean i am without a functional mind.
If approached and asked to get to know one another better but any inquiries presented are ignored or unable to be answered with more than a 1 year old's means to communicate...the point is made succintly.
If looking for a First, an addition, an only or whatever, please for the love of all gods be Honest about that.
It's not as hard as Y/ou think and honesty is the sole foundation of trust. Without that...well..it's just kink and play isn't it?
Safe Journeys
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Song of the Moment: Show Me How To Live - Audioslave
On a personal note, something about this song makes me long to install a stripper pole in the basement and take up lessons.
CanNOT explain it.
Walking along this path i find myself presented with many branches of potential. There are always the ones that seem perfect but beneath are not. Ones that are nothing like one imagined they would wish to be a part of but are just the right fit.
As a Teacher said, there is a vast difference at times between what one wants and what one truly needs.
i do think...that at times it is harder to sit down and examine one's life and determine what it is that somone needs and what they merely want in the day to day.
How difficult and yet simple a thing to decide. How utterly singular and yet all-encompassing.
What do you need?
What do you want?
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Song of the Moment - Get Along With You - Kelis
Slim Pickings. That state of being in which even when standing in the midst of a cornucopia of delights and pleasures, one is still bereft of that one thing that one seeks.
It has been asked again and again what it is that someone wants in the House of their dreams. Well, that's the point isn't it?
House of their Dreams. Not every House is ideal no matter what the Sir or Ma'am does to make it so if for no other reason than some ideals are too high a standard for mere mortals, little or Dominant, to maintain indefinitely.
There is no perfect Dominant or sub but there are Damned Great ones around for both to find. For many beginning on their road of exploration, it seems that a lot are seeking either casual playmates or some lofty House of Wonder that does not exist.
At no point in the awakening of our core selves does it say we must abandon that crucial element that sadly, more than a few of us lacked in the first place. Namely: Common Sense.
This has likely been covered in the forums ad naseum but i cannot feel it is stressed enough. If you were dating someone and on the first date they asked you to strip and make them happy, you would likely end that date in your car with them wearing dinner. Unless it was previously agreed that it was to be a play date, for god's sake don't allow it because the other person claims the title of Dominant!
But i digress. This time the mention is about being unable to find what one seeks locally. i do hold out hope that perhaps those i want can be found but i am finding it hard because it sometimes feels that there are many restrictions placed on behavior for a place where one is supposed to grow.
i can understand disobedience, brashness and even complete disregard for manners and tact calling for some stern words and a firm hand. But a playful nature is not always a bad thing if tempered and kept in check wisely. Condemning it for its own sake though...well...
With all due respect, take the stick out of your rectum please. Perhaps it is because i am so new but i understand there is discipline, there is protocol and there is an outlook of propriety to the Life. But there is also fun and joy, things that move well beyond the brief satisfaction of a sub high or even sexual gratification. Things that i would have thought did not need to be hidden behind closed doors between a sub and their Dominant.
There is the pleasure however personal of being with and serving a chosen Dominant.
While politeness dictates manners for other Dominants, there is that unspoken line in my mind where the fact that someone is a Dominant means they have my respect until they otherwise fuck it up. They have my honesty and trust until they otherwise fuck it up. They have my word of honor which will not be breached even if they fuck theirs up.
However, obedience is at my own discretion because They don't have my leash.
Terribly sorry but this falls within the realms of Insto-submission. i am a sub, but not everyone's bitch.
Just the bitch of a special House.
Safe Journeys!
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Song of the moment: Stupid Girls - PINK.
Limits.
Take mine and love them.
Can't You see that i want to keep them and the small fleeting power they give to me?
There are things i will not do, not because they are digusting to me, but because i am scared to trust You will not push to make me do them.
These things i show You make my heart hurt. They are things that i know can leave marks beyond the flesh which won't heal because despite me saying i did not desire to do them, they were insisted upon.
Don't You understand that my limits are not just words and silliness? That insistence upon making me accept such things only weakens the trust i gave You?
These are limits because i cannot trust You with them just yet. With my heart, my body, my thoughts and my secrets but not those last tendrils of what is still being witheld from You.
This is something that will take time i know. Time to see that my trust in You has not been a waste, that it will not be betrayed.
To understand there is Nothing You would do to hurt me or allow myself to come to harm that we have not agreed upon.
So that one day i can say i have no limits. It will be true because there is nothing You would ask for that will not be joy.
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Song of the Moment: Boulevard of broken Dreams - Greenday
"Serve me."
The words a little one longs to hear from the sacred lips of the one they desire to serve. One who has spoken with them, learned of them as much as they have themselves learned and found the little one pleasing and felt mutually worthy of the gift of that Submission.
Such sweet simplicity that two mere words can hold and such joy they inspire in the heart of one who longs to truly and fully serve.
And how sad. How achingly sad that this phrase is at times taken from the sincere and honorable intent that is the source of it and used as a demand. Where is it written that someone can command submission be given to them? Where is it marked in either foolish hearts or presumptuous minds that they have the right to walk up to a little they do not know and proclaim that one 'Theirs'?
Have....have i missed something here? i believe somewhere in the road behind me i took the left fork to Albuquerque? While i do understand that once collared a little one gives all of themselves to their One or Couple...what in the hell happened to common decency?
Contacting a little and asking to meet face to face is all well and good but demanding full body shots of them clothed and unclothed? Pardon this submissive but if YOU approached a person on the street YOU were interested in, wouldn't basic home training stop YOU from telling them to disrobe then and there?
How is it that someone who has said they are willing to give all to You and trust utterly in Your word to nurture and care about them as they care for You somehow be less than deserving of initial respect? At least that basic courtesy initial introductions call for beyond a 'Hello, would you like to talk for a while? I think we may be good for one another."
Hmm...this is getting ranty and i dislike that at times but more so, this is an aching sadness within me. A sadness to feel that such is too common for a Lifestyle that requires so much courage to step forth and even approach another person and lay bare desire, intent, limits, and such incredible vulnerability at times only to be made aware
...you are seen as meat. |
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Song of the Moment - Discovery Channel - Bloodhound Gang
No introspective philosphies.
No diehard beliefs in a better tomorrow or anything of that nature.
No prose or transcedental play upon words.
Simply wondering what kind of masochistic person would allow themselves to be stung/bitten/injected with venom for the singular purpose of measuring the pain levels?
Also, if crack weren't so addictive, it would make a fanTAStic dieting tool.
Yes i am strange and i rather like that about myself thank YOU. *giggles*
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Song of the Moment - Imaginary - evanescence.
Rarity.
Specifically some item or quality that is sparse or incredibly hard to find. In this day and age of laboratory manufactured gems, one can no longer say that one is as rare as a diamond. After all, anyone can pick up a diamond for their teeth at the local pawnshop.
But to be truly rare is to be without peer or of such a limited quantity that just hearing about said object causes jaws to drop and heads to turn with the collective whisper of 'Oh my god, are you serious?!'
Such seems to be the collective air of threads concerning quality subs and Dominants. Particularly though it feels that the favor leans towards submissives and slaves who are all encompassing of that special quality that will make them magically meld into whichever Household is considering them.
But not only is it a matter of that sub/slave melding, but also serving fully without restraint or reservation the M of the House and getting along with any Alpha there or welcoming a Beta with delight and not a single dismal thought in head and heart.
*starts to open a window because it is getting thick in the room*
So.
The search is on for a bright, engaging, sexy, magnanimous, highly sexual, compliant, spirited, polyamorous, bisexual sub/slave?
Pardon please, i think i left that recipe for a philosophers stone and Elixir Vitae on the countertop in my kitchen.
Honestly, such creatures exist even if slightly less far fetched than unicorns and chimaera. It is a hard search for many and while there are rewards and setbacks just as in any relationship, i think that those who have found such count themselves lucky beyond telling.
But would also hazard those still seeking to be absolutely certain that such a slave is one they desire.
Sometimes, one should be careful of what they wish for.
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Song of the moment: Move - Thousand Foot Krutch
Children in BDSM. Whoa! Before anyone jumps to a rather hasty conclusion, this is a thought about how best to interact around them when in the Life.
i am of one mind about it. While in no way do i think that once of a certain age parents should pretend that sex does not exist, neither am i comfortable with the idea of being paraded naked before children with a collar and leash. Perhaps that is my old fashioned rearing its ugly head but that is my opinion.
There is so little left of childhood where children remain children. In many cases (and parents, you can attest to this) our kids are smarter than we are and for many, more jaded at an early age. Some from day one have the bearings of little Dominants to be. *chuckles*
Still, no matter how visually mature and even intellectually gifted a child is, there is a level of emotionally maturity that may not have been experienced so that they have a backdrop to compare the Lifestle to. For them it could be an added burden of specialized 'insight' that their peers do not have and could unwittingly cause them to withdraw or react in ways that would be unfathomable to their friends.
Then again the little runts could just accept it and move on with grace and wit. One never knows with kids and frankly it would be foolish to cross your fingers and hope for the best. Now in Poly families such things may be unavoidable, especially if little Jane happens to keep seeing the new roomate Paula come out of mommy and daddy's room at 6am.
Now what the devil Jane is doing up at that time....is beside the point. So for each kettle of fish it is a different discussion. Still, flagrantly living the Life in front of kids would take a very delicate touch...and alot of talking to the kids either with or without DFACS. But every family strives for harmony so i would hope that all care and precautions are taken to ensure the health both physical, mental and spritual of a child or children.
In closing. There is no parent like a Life parent because in addition to ensuring their date isn't psycho, they have to ensure the limits of the kink that person has, the honor they hold to their word and whether or not that person can be trusted on the most extreme of levels before the other person even comes close to knowing their child's hair length.
Vanilla is picky, Life is critical. Neither easily forgives mistakes.
Safe Journeys
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Song of the Moment: Aqueous Transmission - Incubus
Someone asked me once, if you could be anything, what would it be?
Well i do believe that we have all had this question lobbed upon us from family, friends and educators since in utero. The problem for some more than others has been the answer.
Still, should i desire to be anything that had no basis in the life i live now or the life i will have later, here is an answer that comes from the child in my heart, the young woman in my mind and the submissive of my soul.
A Geisha.
Grant me grace without movement.
Grant me serenity without equal.
Grant me beauty that exceeds my birth.
Grant me honor without question.
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Song of the moment: Jumper - Third Eye Blind
Hmmm...Drama.
What an interesting concept. It is often a part of many profiles, be they D/s or vanilla that a request for 'No drama' be a part of the person that places inquiries for further contact.
How amusing.
Pardon begged if this seems a tad superior, but in truth it is somewhat disheartening as well. Unless one has led a life of utter perfection since birth, everyone has 'drama'. Now granted, some only equates to an elementary school play where others could bring home Tony awards by the truckload.
The key to this is balance as in all things. Do you desire to unburden all at once upon a potential little one or Dominant or to reveal the many layers of it over time? Such is at the descretion of each particular party.
Still it begs the question in my thoughts, what tolerance is offered and expected then? Allow me to offer you my sympathies, my thoughts and views, even my shoulder and heart should it come to such a thing.
If accepting these things without hesitation and/or quandry, why do some feel it is so difficult to extend the same when the time comes?
No, this is not to say that all drama should be encouraged and that those who purposely stir it up to feast on it are not akin to the foulest carrion-eaters at times, but it does make one wonder at the overall message which feels like compassion may be low on the list of things that person is offering.
We can all mourn for someone who has lost a job or loved one, but can we give equal measure when their life is being the equivalent of the port-a-potty at a Chili Cookoff? When through innocent actions they dropped a snowball on the fragile ice atop a black diamond run?
Again, simple ponderings and if any found offense, then pardon is begged and apologies offered.
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Song of the Moment: White and Nerdy - Weird Al Yankovich
Alright..there is something to be said about humor. Not just one's own but what is shared with friends and even new individuals.
The house i was raised in was one based on the premise that nothing is so dark that a laugh cannot brighten it. It is that same philosphy that helped in seriously bad periods of my life. The same air is sought and desired to be shared.
It is very curious how often someone feels the need to inpress how strict a Dominant they are in regards to Their methods when handling a little one. Curious and in some cases off-putting. While aware that Dom/mes are human and likely to enjoy a laugh as much as the next person, it is something to consider that past experiences and the general beliefs of the D/s lifestyle would ever give the impression that punishments weren't strict.
Not to say that letting a little one run rampant over a Dominant is wise but having the punishments be fair and well thought out as opposed to knee-jerk reactions is another thing altogether.
Still it begs the question. Does a little one try to reason out of a punishment if they feel it is unfair, accepting it if the reasons are sound and error is seen? Or if there is no clear resolution in their heart, simply accept that punishment dutifully even if they feel it is unfair?
Such things to ponder.
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Song of the moment: Illusion and Dreams - Poets of the Fall.
Subject: Insto-Submission!
That's right ladies and gentleman, boys and girls. Hurry, hurry, hur-ray!! We have right here that most elusive of articles, rarest of gen-new-wine items of this modern world! It will shine your shoes, make you dinner and suck you off to screaming joy faster than an oil change!
That's right my good friends I am talking to you about Insto-Submission! What is this marvel of marvels? This creative creature much spoken of and yet ellusive enough to thwart reknown hunters the world round? Well let me tell you and so enlighten you that this is factual and no rainy day gospel.
You see Insto-Submission is that craving had by Dominants both established and longing to be so, that is eyed heavily whenever a new submissive steps onto the scene. That innate quality that will make such a person forget every ounce of common sense the good Lord placed in their heads because they would be awestruck by the Need TO Serve any Dominant.
Yessiree bob! That is what I have here for you tonight ladies and gents, a rare case load of Insto-Submission.
Now hold on! I know you're asking yourself "how can I possibly afford something like that? Isn't Insto-Submission out of my price range?"
The answer would surprise you one and all because today and for a limited time only, I can present to YOU a can of your very own Insto-Submission to take home and use to your hearts content. That's right folks! Your own can for YOU!
Use it to balance the bills, clean the kids even straighten that back room you've been putting off for years. Insto-Submission is here to make all your dreams come true!
No need to worry about pesky things like personal hopes, dreams, aspirations, even likes and dislikes. Insto-Submission means you don't have to deal with the hassle of common decency and can just be your own wonderful self.
That's right, step right up and take a test run. You Sir! Do you want a touch of oral that'll suck your socks through your toes? Yes? Then step right up and through those curtains there. That's a good man.
And you Miss? Been wanting someone to parade around in that corset until they bleed or just whip them till they go blind? Well here's a 10-footer to get you started ma'am, now right through those curtains there. Very good, watch your step please.
*claps hands together with a heavy and terrible glint in the cat-gold eyes that appraise the clamboring crowd*
Now, who else wants to make a purchase? Money back guarantee?
Of course. Of course.
(Mostly jest, partially a question of do some Dominants really think such a thing exists? Pardon begged for any offended.)
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Again there is the desire to sit up and take notice like an ever watchful hound that hears a partially hidden sound in the distance.
While aware of the somewhat curious nature of my profile there was a reason for it being done in such a manner. While not a staggering intellect, there is a desire for wit and finding someone who delights in picking apart such a minor puzzle as the one my profile was intended to be.
However, back to the reality. Someone asked me recently why on earth i should desire a Poly Household. Well the level of skepticism in their voice alone made me hesitant to answer but becuase it is something that to my heart i do want, i answered the best that i could.
You see, there is the obvious statement of my bi-sexuality which while a nice thing to be proud of tends to paint a purely carnal tone to my preferences and that is not the intent at all. There are many Homes where the Mistress/Alpha is not bi at all and requires no service from a sub other than a very close relationship between themselves that could be almost called a sub-sexual nature.
A relationship while stronger than friendship, is a kinship of sisterhood and depending on the agreed upon nature of play involving all parties, may be nothing so engaging as simply finding arousal in seeing or helping to play with the other woman.
Again, life in the Life is a complicated thing i would imagine. But again, i realize there is more than the bedroom to a Poly home. i should greatly hope so otherwise i could have held out for a slot in a local brothel and been done with it. Better payscale i hear. Nor is there a yearning for surrogate parentage.
After all, my parents are quite alive and a handful to me now so why on EARTH would i desire a second set like that?! And ones that i have sexual relations with?
....hmm...the "oh Daddy yes!" angle might...nvm! *shakes head* But i digress badly.
Back to the point if there is one. *laughs softly* There are families of all parties to consider, small ones should there be any and for me that is most crucial to take into account before stepping through the door for more than a pleasant get together. There are day to day banalities that i am fully aware of and changes in mood, personality and possibly location that can bring a great deal of stress and headache to the Family.
Again, things that are understood and accepted because well frankly dammit W/we're *gasps* HUMAN! Oh my god the horror of it! ...i would never expect perfect despite the poem in the last entry. No one is perfect. Everyone who was got dragged out before the village and pummeled to death by very annoyed people.
Perfection cannot exist because it could not be tolerated and let's face it if we could. Tolerance is the only way any House could survive.
*bows softly and smiles* Again, thanks to Y/you for perusing my random thoughts.
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Originally this poem was for a dear young man but i think he would understand that much of it reflects what each submissive feels towards their Dominant.
My Master, He may not have wings but a heart without a flaw. Through tempest, tide or earth's on flail, i fear not nature's law.
Within the sphere of His devotion, no fort could there compare. No wings has He, this angel see, but He is my very air...
For what have bricks and mortar grout on arms that will enfold? No armor stout nor prayer devout, He is worth more than gold.
Who needs a treasure of a king? My own i know I've found. Again i say an angel He though He is earthbound.
A knight a knave and fool or brave, He did attempt a heart. He stood before the bar-red door and pried it soon apart.
But not with force nor with men at arms but kindness pure and true. Until at last He'd gained His pass and boldly stepped on through.
"No cage complete can ne'er be beat if you believe you're free!" Then held out His hand without demand and waited there for me.
To look beyond confining walls that had been proudly scoffed. To walk with Him, to spread my wings...and bear us both aloft...
My time will fade...my eye will dim...my heart will one day fail. Yet in glory bathed He is arrayed and will remain in all detail.
If never i know again his face, His name my soul will breathe. May Death be stayed by love's own hand and give me one repreive.
"A single glance, i ask of you. Not more but i beg no less. Then i will go without complaint unto my final rest.
But should my end be less than grand, let me have that while For Heaven will dim and Hell shall calm if i can but see Him smile."
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*bobs head in greeting before smiling widely*
Well a journal is at its foremost a log of a journey or thoughts of a particular individual. Isn't it a wonder that a journey book has been refitted into this format where travel is at the click of a mouse instead of the hitching of a cart to horse?
Then again, i for one do not envy the stablers for the constant clean up but oh do i envy the person for the journey itself!
You are offered greetings as well as welcome to my words and thoughts...no matter how humble they are.
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| Age: 30 |
| Zagreb/Wien,
Austria |
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