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As I worked towards returning to living life fate threw another curve. My younger sibling passed from congestive heart failure. Again I had to be the strong one. As everybody gave in to their grief I had to hold it together for my parents, other sibling and my offspring who had been spoiled and loved by my brother.
Next month will be difficult. I turn 50. Two important men will be missing.
I cant get lost in alcohol or drugs as that's not me.Maybe dance. maybe sleep thru it, just like i will for the coming holidays. |
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Cont # 2
2-1-7 I wore the silver collar to work last
night. There wasn't a second I
didn't feel it. So aware. It felt bigger
and heavier. is a fancy little thing but oh
how strong it feels around my
neck. Its like having his hands
oh just everything Daddy.
Everything you do, how you do it
I just want to please you as
long as I'm your little girl.
So Shakira and Beyonce. Oh oh.
2-6 I had a whole 2 days to
find research and type & email how to make soap using no
modern. I hope he's pleased with my effort.
Miss you Daddy. I can cum today.
2 ? 3? i don't remember. I know
he said to hold off for as long as
I could then cum thinking of
him taking me from behind
with my hands bound behind my back
of course Daddy. That's
the second best fuck I ever had.
So there are rules to kissing. Rules
for everything. Face it Toto don't think
we're in Kansas anymore
Do I love him? I think I'm on my way
He will always keep me safe. Daddy said he
needs me. That he jerked off to my pics
last night. Daddy was hurting today
to be continued here. |
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So I tried posting pics from phone. They're upside down. Tried to fix but no cigar. |
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Continued.
Jan 26
Today I did 60 crunches.
Drank water, coffee. Knelt for 9 minutes.
Knees very red. Rubbed Nivea in
really good. Thinking of the
dance. I know the first step .
Daddy was not online today.
No phone call. Left message I had left phone in car.
Jan31
Today Daddy tied my hands
behind my back and really fucked
me. He told me to play with his
cock the covered my mouth and nose .
then tortured my breasts.I loved
it when he pushed me down
pulling my panties aside
& fucked me. So good. I love how he makes
me feel..Daddy's horny little cunt slut.
Never ever before.Oh Daddy. Thanks for the
new collar. Its perfect <3
I tingle when I think of him.
I shudder when I remember
and Kitty likes the feeling.<3 |
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The posts to follow are my personal journals. I wrote whatever was on my mind that day. This is not a literary effort.These are the thoughts of a new slave girl There are no margins. There is some bad poetry. Some self pity too. There are inside jokes I may or may not explain. Some may seem silly or even stupid. If this is what you think , remember you can click on something else. I appreciate thoughts and comments. And if you dont have anything nice to say, I really dont give a flying fuck.
The large spaces in between will be different pages in journal. Dates will be provided if available. Names will be changed. I will skip parts that may hurt someones feelings but only if not necessary for my thoughts..
So here we go.....
Property of
The Fulvi
January 16, 2007
Collared on January 20 no jewelry
clothing as ordered
Things I have to do only
Eat better.
Drink more water
Practice kneeling
Remember how to serve drinks.
make dance routine next 3 weeks.
Jan 20 first time chained. What a strange feeling to
hear the locks click. So final. So right.
THE KNIFE !!! Oh my ! Scared?
Hell yeah !initials on my chest,
bruises , bottom so sore.
I am Daddy's sex slave.
I will be a good lil' girl always. Bruised
&
Sore
January 22
Today I will not cum.
I will wear Daddy's collar to bed and sleep naked.
I will be a good girl for Daddy.
knelt 8 minutes.
Do I look straight ahead or do
I look down head bent? (look at him).
Today Daddy seared me.
The cigarette so close to my pretty nipples.. I didn't move but
I begged ! Bottom bitch.I guess
there's a first time for everything.
And I've been having a lot of first
since I met Daddy.
A new collar ! Oh Daddy ! i cannot describe
how it feels. I am yours. Never before
have I felt this way. Satisfied
10 knee bends
10 back stretches.
qd.
He used a belt. I know he didn't hit me
as hard as he eventually will . A whip !!!
Oh my ! Scared , scared little
girl. Daddy knows what He's doing.
Trust him to hurt me just right.
1/24/07
Daddy said slaves can be sold.That I was worth a lot of money.
He likes to cut. Not often he says. Likes bleeding.
This is going to be like nothing
before. Pain lots of pain.
Pleasure
Learning
Lusting
Fall in love? Oh Daddy!
if I can fall for anyone it would
def be you
The chains Daddy !
I can't wait to see what you got
What I got.
Well work out
Kneel.
Think of the dance.
Maybe I can be like Salome
and ask a favor after the Dance.
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yesterday would have been our second wedding anniversary. Spent the morning crying. Then I thought of Him wanting me happy. And I had an ok day. Missing being owned. missing being cared for. Missing feeling safe and warm. miss the attention, lol. |
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How could it be a month already ? Its hard being strong in front of others. Its even harder when alone. I have to learn to be alone again. |
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Not a good day today . Seems whenever I get to a good allout cry I get short of breath and have to calm the fuck down. But I can't help it. Everything reminds me He is gone. The white gold collar on my left ring finger reminds me of Our story it was beautiful. It was heartbreaking to both.But love won. And He did live happily ever after. |
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I'm thinking of making a story out of the journals I wrote as I started my journey as His slave. Fuck whoever don't like what I wrote . Will not change a word. Might be silly and poor written, but who knows?
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I thought my days of being in charge were over. It's a good thing I've been independent before. I got this.
There's so much to do. The garden got hit pretty bad this winter. Some animal chewed up the bark off the apple trees. So many broken tree branches. Many volunteers to help. Master was loved by many. And they are very willing to help. Thank goodness for family and friends.
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Thank You everyone for your kind words. This is the only place were i can show how I really feel . To the world He was my devoted husband. But here I can mourn the Master. |
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Today I pick picked up Master's ashes. What got to me was holding the flag , folded in the expected triangle. Somehow the perfect shape for holding against the heart to keep it from crumbling into infinite pieces. |
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Am I collared to a dead guy ? Good question. Tasteless but good. I was collared seven years , He's been deceased only seven days. I have served with all my soul this man that did what none other could. Make me want to kneel. Tamed me yet left a little wildness to soar. He treated me like a captive princess and my happiness made Him happy. The sex was incredible . Life with Him was incredible. He had honor and never lied even when the truth was so painful to me and it would have been so easy for Him to lie. He took care of all my needs. Physical, mental and emotional. I made Him happy and He told anyone who would listen that I was His necessary. So His . Yes. This collar is not coming off anytime soon. |
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She: So when did you know you were in love with her?
He:Two days before we met.
We met on line and had chatted for a while.
My birthday was coming up and He sounded like a good candidate for a birthday spanking.
Silly , silly girl. I had no idea of the adventure about to begin. |
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I miss You so much. We hadn't been apart much since we met 7 years ago. Our second wedding anniversary is coming up. I lose it every once in a while. This pain is just so strong and deep. I'm glad I gave you happily ever after as You said not long ago. My Darling rest in peace. I will be ok eventually. But right now I will cry over the death of a man that was more than any man I ever met. Thank you for everything Master. Thank you for owning me, loving me, spoiling me , caring for me. |
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It's impossible to really put into words how it feels to lose someone so loved. Never to kneel at His feet again . Never to feel His strong hands on me again. To feel so cherished and protected.Even after 7 years still feel like in a trance when He would stare into my eyes. Can I continue to be silly and carefree ? My thoughts are jumbled. Really alone . No one that understands why its different for a slave. Who had never been a slave, who had never loved. He didnt just know about girls and slaves, He knew me . All about me without me telling Him. So much we shared . We shared life. And now He's gone. This girl is not broken, He made sure of that. Oh Papa Bear a hundred years wouldn't have been enough ! |
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it's not hard to sleep chained and cuffed. Not hard at all. Master's hands on me pulling me from a deep sleep. moaning even before i'm awake.His hands knowing every sensitive place. this girl is ready for him. always ready. my task , my only task is to be ready for Him at all times. anytime . |
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Good meal. good dessert. all home made. later chains and cuffs. Smiley face infinity.
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Its a very pretty cage Master has built around this slave. A cage as big as the Universe is still a cage someone once said. mine is to the property line. The most beautiful place on Earth as far as i'm concerned. In the front roses , sunflowers 12 feet tall!apple trees,black walnuts, maple and oaks. In the back ponds with fishes and small frogs , roses, apples, berries , mint, carrots, pumpkins, asparagus, strawberries, native plants with all their glory, grapes.Flowers everywhere.inside a room serves as a library , still not big enough for all the books in the house.comfort everywhere. a room that's my walk-in closet with a walk-in closet.custom made wooden cubicles for my shoes. places for sky watching with telescopes. all this He has done because it pleases Him to make me happy. i would be happy in a cave as long as He was there with me.but it's kinda nice not to have to.
“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”
L.Frank Baum
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2 days off. rearranging my walk in closet. tomorrow i will make Master and the household another pie from fresh picked apples from our backyard. love doing for Him. anything , everything. this slave girl is so happy to belong to Him. always at His feet. |
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back to collarme.Master and i have been very busy since the wedding. but i sure missed all the craziness of the boards. |
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His wife. nothing else has changed. i will always be foremost His slave. and if given the choice , which i wasnt , i would choose slave. this is my happy place. there's no exotic location that could draw me away from this house . no riches that could entice me . everything i ever wanted , needed is here .
we're all a little weird
and life is a little weird
and when we find
someone whose
weirdness is compatible
with ours
we join up
with them and
fall in mutual
weirdness
and call it
LOVE
DR SEUSS
here's to being weird together |
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no greater pleasure than to serve Him. |
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should be sleeping . have to work all night. and tomorrow and the next . short on staff like every freaking weekend. best get under the covers before Master comes to check on me. wish He had time for a little play today. but He knows how hard work can be and makes sure i get the rest i need. so nite nite ."cuddles with Spongebob pillow" |
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Master and His slave will be having a marriage ceremony in the summer for family to attend. A minister will officiate. This girl is having lots of fun picking out her wedding outfit. i'm so going to look like a princess. :) |
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5 years today. so in love with Him. i desire nothing but to please Him . i need nothing but His collar. but still glad He knows girls like to get sparklies . |
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Feliz Navidad A Toda Mi Gente.
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looking at the yard. even in winter i can see green . i look at the remnants of our lush garden . the morning glory vines not pretty to look at . yet so many visitors all day long. squirrels and at least 5 different types of native birds. a woodpecker on the birch. a few days ago a hawk ! i saw large wings and ran to the slider and saw it on the arbor built by Master. like a kid i ran to the bedroom and excitedly jabbered away about our visitor. He smiled , i know He likes when i get excited over things like that.that i can be myself in everyway. an open book . without shame . without shyness. this is so far the best time of my life. all because one day i was foolish enough to open a door... |
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He wraps me with His strong arms. ohh so safe , so warm. His . only His forever . i know that if i ever go looking for my hearts desire i'll never go farther than my own backyard . and that makes all the difference in my life. Collared forever. soon five years since i first learned what it feels to be with a real Man . still shiver at His touch.
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this girl is very happy today.given the most awesome sparkly ever...
i love You so |
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Happy Winter Solstice to everyone. |
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i guess there's different types of slaves. there are those like me , which seem to be the minority, who are totally owned . forever. no way out . goodtimes and bad here to stay. the ones owned totally so that they dont even own the panties they wear .
then there are those who are owned as long as they get what they want . and if the "master" doesnt like it he can go on down the road and so they look for another master.
the ones who say you can be my master as long as you do what i want. the ones who put down others who know their slavery is real . they post reality vs fantasy and slavery is illegal. yes, slavery is illegal , but it still makes the news a few times a year about arrest over illegal slavery. so its not fantasy, only illegal.
yes Master and i know it wont hold up in court. but you can bet your ass Master will look for His property if i were to try to run. everything i have is His. not because He needs it or wants it but because He is responsible for all of me . and yes i can take care of myself. but collaring me made Him resposible in the end.
i couldnt be a slave with the option of release , but thats just me , and if you have a different opinion i will not think bad of you.
Slavery is real and alive in these here United States of America.
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Our life has changed completely. the road will be hard for this girl. but she loves her Master more than life. this girl will try her hardest . this girl will please her Master. His happiness is all. |
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I dont need to show anything to be sexy . my profile pic is proof. and yet... all i'm wearing in the pic is my hair and Obsession perfume.
i think for Him i look sexiest when my hair is mussed , my makeup streaking , and clothes in disarray. |
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Master was playing His video game. i came up to ask something .He turned to me and said "I turned into a frog." i leaned over and kissed His cheek. the moment my lips touched Him His avatar turned back into a humanoid. Master looked at me and in His so sexy voice said "you're magic". i smiled because He meant it. |
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Wonderful weekend. Serving Master. Cooked a great dinner. Perfect bread baked. Collar on. Wearing maid outfit consisting of waist tied black apron with white lace trim.white fluffy thigh length tutu. Black lacy bra and thong. black thigh highs with open design on back and my pretty shiny patent leather Italian heels.
Master watched the football games while i danced nearby. Master was very pleased with this girl. , and that's all that matters. |
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Found my journals from when He made me His. it made for interesting reading. . i couldnt stop thinking about Him. now its part of everyday life and i still cant . still those butterflies. still shiver at His touch . always will. i stare at Him a lot, for no other reason that its pleasurable to my sight. so handsome ,so , so i dont know .yes i do, so Italian. so perfectly my vision of the perfect Italian male. so perfectly Master .
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I just had fresh homemade pasta which i made for the first time ever . homemade meatballs . spaghetti sauce Master made from tomatoes we grew in the garden this summer . Master liked the fettuccini noodles . it tasted awesome. i'm a happy girl . |
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My wonderful Master. i love You so. Took such great care of Your lil'girl. i will worship You forever. there is no other before You. |
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Waiting for bread dough to rise . Master wants homemade bread with dinner tonight. Wearing collar, a skimpy skirt and top . leather ankle cuffs on bare feet. hair up of course. FNradio on . smiles..........
will change into a maid outfit after shower . i think He will like it. |
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going nite nite. work tonite third shift.
me : love You so
He: love you la.
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The only one awake at this time. love the shadows in the garden . the morning glories opening up. the sunflowers already bright. maybe another cup of coffee and a barefoot walk on the dew drenched grass.
the humming bird should be here soon. along with the sundry wildlife that make daily visits to the assorted flowers , birdbaths and ponds .
a piece of heaven in the suburbs built for this slave by her Master. to please her because He can . because this brings Him pleasure .
i'm looking forward to the garden walk with Master later. making plans for the fall which seems to be rushing at the pace of halloween stores along alpine.i'm already collecting seeds for next spring , adjusting floor plans for all the tropical plants when they come in for the cold season.
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got orders for today. usually i just do what needs to be done. tonite a sexy outfit and to be ready to suck His cock for a long time. time's too slow right now. |
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The post on Wiccan % got me thinking of camping with Master. Dancing to my ipod short pretty skirt flaring up around my thighs. i remember looking down to my feet and seeing them covered with dirt , so unladylike, so free, so happy , so His . |
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Watched the space station fly overhead with Master. 6:30 am EST. It was awesome to watch the bright light zoom across the dark sky then disappear into the sunrise. |
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Walked outside for a bit.. leather boots, knee hi cool socks and my spongebob umbrella. looking at all the signs of springs as rain falls over the snow. then inside to the warm safe home Master has provided for all. the perfect cup of coffee and Your smile .love You so. |
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we took a ride across town.
his talkshow on the car radio,my music on my ipod. i couldnt take my eyes off Him. i feel so incredibly female when by His side. a man who is a Man. i'm in a constant state of arousal. its just the way it is. |
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Sitting on the couch. Dressed as i was told. Red bra matching thong, red stockings and thigh high red stiletto boots. The new red and clear crystal collar on. i turned around and watched Master in a black Harley tee, hair slicked back and that sexy sexy mustache. Master was trying out His new pizza baking stone. Was i in heaven or what . A sexy Italian male making pizza dough from scratch , the homemade sauce cooking on the stove. and me, there for His visual enjoyment... happy early Valentine's day . |
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such a spoiled slave. should be cleaning doing laundry. but Master spoils me and declares " no cleaning day" more often than not. a captive princess. thats how He treats me.this girl never forgets who she is, what she is. His slave. |
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Sparklies for my bday!!!!!!! Master suprised me with early bday anniversary gifts. i work tomorrow on my bday/ our anniversary. family here to celebrate. beautiful sparklies i just love them.and i absolutely love Him. |
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so some lil slitch thinks she knows everything there is to know about being a slave. so she thinks i'm not sane because i have no limits where Master is concerned. with a real man a girl doesnt need limits. she trusts Him with her life from the first moment He puts a collar around her neck, the first and everytime she gets bound . where are your limits then little girl? where's your safe word when you're gagged and bound? i trust my Master to take care of me . He will do as He will and no limits allowed. the thing is to be owned by a REAL MAN little girl. then limits dont come into the equation. |
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Four years. How time flies. Jan 16 2007. my life changed. A 360 if there was one. Your slut , Your whore, Your captive princess, Your wife, Your slave. Anything You want me to be . Always kneeling at Your feet. Master Fredpbear. |
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Each new one chips away at the perfect Gem
Til there's naught but sparkly dust
A puff of air and theres nothing left
Of the worlds most perfect Gem
And He who was supposed to protect her
...Stood by and watched
Unable to change
she had to die.
10 -25-10 |
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was looking at a celebrity scandal mag. there was a couple of pics of some star who had her boobs done . i smiled when i saw my naturals were better than her fixed ones. good thing they're doing so well. i will never be allowed to have any type of plastic surgery. |
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Yesterday Daddy took me to a Silent Dance for united way. this is where you bring your ipod and headphones and everyone dances to their own music. it was held downtown at an open plaza. there were lots of people downtown for Artprize. the looks on their face when they first noticed the dance was priceless. tons of people just dancing in an open plaza with no audible music. Daddy took a lot of pictures of me as i danced. felt like my very own papparazzo. thank you Daddy. You know how much it meant for me and as always You didnt disappoint. |
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its dark on the deck , morning glories highlighted by spot lights. rain falling , its still warm enough for me to enjoy sitting in the rain. Master joins me . we sit as the rain falls. not a gentle summer rain, but big heavy drops heralding the coming storm. feeling safe as i always do when He's around i take off my top. so freaking nice to sit feeling the rain on my warm skin.the storm everybody in town complained about became one of my favorite memories. |
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Recently a female Dominant wrote me that i'm old enough to know better than to believe in forever. well, the thing is our dynamics dont depend on love or even like. i serve ,He takes care of my needs and well being. i will serve Him for the rest of my life.
as for forevers, well i have met couples that have celebrated 60 years and more together. doubt we will be around in 60 years but forevers do happen and i'm clapping my hands cause i do believe i do believe in forever.<3 |
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He will never ever let me go. |
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forever is a long time and some forevers are longer than other. but He and i are such a perfect fit that love is just the icicng on the cake. He will neve let me go. would you? i will kneel before no other .His forever. Owned forever. forever is not long enough. |
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The garden lit up like fairyland . Candles in nooks and crannies . Candles hanging in small colored jars from tree branches. A nice fire dancing in the pit . 2 steps down. Overhead a starry sky. Walk towards where Master sits. Overhead now theres a thick canopy of trees. A couple of hours spent in conversation and company. This slavegirl is still smiling this morning. |
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it takes a strong woman to be a slave. and being His slave is no easy task. love Him so. need to serve. need to please. |
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Master just gave me very light kiss goodbye. my whole body shivered. such an exquisite sensation. |
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420 smoke 'em if you got em |
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warning spoiler for the movie Camille with Greta Garbo 1937
Watched Camille the other night by His side. Have always watched it alone. A little bit self-concious, knowing at the end i would cry. Its the only movie that makes me cry. He handed me a roll of paper towels...(hmmph i wasnt going to cry that much !!!!) and went about His biz. i love that movie so. i told Him it was so sad, but He didnt see it that way. He said before she died they found out how much they loved each other. How sad it would have been if they had never found out. Funny i never saw it that way before. i will still cry next time and the next and next. |
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Daddy. Because He takes care of me. Watches over me. Keeps me safe. Takes care of my needs. Holds my hand when i'm worried or scared.
His lil'grl, because He's the strongest , smartest , most honorable man i have ever met. |
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Can't wait for my happy place to be ready . Miss lounging under the shady trees to the left babbling pools, darting fishes, to the right birds within inches of my face , unaware of my presence. Master built this for His girl. Knew exactly what i needed . Always has. Spoiled girl. Lucky girl to have been found by Him. |
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winter storm warning. snowed in with my Beloved. |
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the chains so cold . the leather warm . His grip on my hair strong. His voice rumbles though me. my body weak with hunger for Him. |
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funny how the need to be used gets stronger and stronger till it becomes a physical ache . i have never been addicted to drugs but imagine this is probably how it feels.
cant think of nothing else , needing to kneel at His feet. needing my hair pulled, my body grabbed squeezed slapped. needing so badly i beg to be used, abused. with tears in my eyes i beg. but only when He wants is my lust satiated.
collared slave girl. love my Master so |
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i could'nt have chosen who to submit to.The choice had to be made for me. To make a choice means having control. Having control means having power. Having power, i would never submit.
i'm a very strong girl. i have my own opinions and voice them freely. a no shoe wearing jibarita. in charge of a 36 bed acute care unit. a weak girl couldnt have done with her life what i have done with mine.
my knees never before bent for a man. made to do. never before. made to please . never before. made to behave. LOL never ever before.
appreciated. not just for my body , but also my mind , my character.
made to feel beautiful.
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THIS IS WHAT A WITCH LOOKS LIKE ;) |
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Love Hurts lyrics
Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth
(I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.)
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat.
(As common as a cold day in LA.)
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.
I'm fettered and abused,
I stand naked and accused
(Should I surface this one man submarine?)
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth!
(I'll never lose what I had as a boy.)
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.
i love You forever and a day |
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In Puerto Rico there was a saying i would hear the adults say " el mundo da muchas vueltas". the world gives many turns. this was used to convey the message that fortune changes and one day it will be their turn.
the world has given many turns since we met. and that which i would never be, now i am.
i'm everything You ever wanted, everything You ever hoped for, and i bet a little more than You bargained for. |
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i'm submissive not weak.
i'm submissive because He's stronger.
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Come What May lyrics
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may, Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you, until the end of time
Come what may, Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh, come what may, Come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.
Come what may, come what may,
I will love you until my dying day
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
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Why I love Spongebob
domination and submission
rope bondage
crossdressing
possesiveness
jealousy
revenge
pain and more pain
begging
five mile spanking machine
owns a book on torture
slaps first asks questions later
owns a pair fancy high heel red boots
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back from camping with Master. such a good time. danced barefooted in the woods. Master ordered me to wear the black leather collar at all times except at bedtime when i would wear the new thin studded pink one. i wore it even when we went into town for a bit. wish , wish i could wear it out everyday. but this was good too. |
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i wear a public collar when out. its a simple silver circlet. the kind that has a bit of give to put on.i wear it with a turquoise stone. i wish i could wear the wide leather one. but i cant. i work in a public setting and lets face it, people are prejudiced. i might wear it to a club at times, or to travel to meet Master. but it just feels soooo good to wear it.
although i do not need to wear a collar to know i am owned , a slave girl. His collar is more than a piece of leather . its the way He looks at me. its the way He cares for me. its the way we need each other. its the way He whispers Mine , yet sounds to me as if everyone in the world can hear it. i take His hand and i have no fears.
this feeling i carry every second of my life. at first it used to keep me awake late at night. the wonder of it. now i sleep better than i have in over a decade. safe . His . collared.
OWNED.SLAVE GIRL. |
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whatever the price of being His i will gladly pay. tears bruises laughs and smiles. silent moments. moments of truth. trusting completely. i am His. |
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Master had a suprise for me today. Made to lie on my stomach , hands behind my back , knees bent. i felt straps being put around my wrists and ankles, then all clipped together . Hogtied!!!!!! Used for His pleasure. When interrupted i cried out please no!!!! i couldnt stand the thought of Him stopping. Such a slut!!!!! |
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For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife
Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
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i remember looking in the mirror one day . i saw myself through His eyes
and i was beautiful. |
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i always wanted to know what love was like. thank You for showing me(blatant use of song lyrics) . but is true. You have showed me that love is giving inspite of desires. love is finding He one that understands you so well @ times it seems He can read your thoughts as He says or does what you were thinking. Someone who is so like you and different at the same time.
my tears show me how much i love You. not having shed them for a male since 1980. i could not hurt so if i didnt love You so. and then You gave me exactly what i needed to believe this is really, really, real. that i hadnt failed You . that You will never let this girl go. that she's were she belongs. that You see how hard she tries. i will never stop trying. i will always do my best . as i have done since day one.hey you could say thats the Prime Directive. LOL . sorry but this girl feels so happy today. i know there's someone who's thinking of me , loving me, and missing me.(another shameless use of lyrics).
someone who smiles when He thinks of me.
thank You Master. forever happy to kneel at Your feet. |
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Be faithful in yourself and in your heart -- it will tell you what you need to do |
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What a fun night. Pretty sexy girls, hot sub boy bartending. Oh but this slave girl does not like the crop at all. i loved when Master demonstrated how a girl can bend backwards by pulling me back by my hair while i knelt on the floor. Good thing i 've been doing my stretches.One girl said that's trust. And yes ,not for a moment did the thought of being dropped even enter my mind. Master's hands are the safest and most dangerous place.Precious property. A few dings and bruises here and there , but that's what happens to favorite toys. |
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many say they submitted, gave their submission as a gift. was under consideration.me i had to be different
my slavery did not begin that way. He saw my pic after i sent a message. He decided that moment He would own me. when we met He was totally in charge yet a gentleman. not one second was i scared. when He gave me my bday spanking that cold january morning, i knew i was His. He had said His ,taken. slowly He brought out the natural slave in me. what no other had seen, He saw. my need to please. to belong to a strong intelligent superior Man. someone i could talk politics and actually learn from. share books , humor life. the lowest slave because my use is only for His pleasure. but i know its not just my body that pleases Him. my mind , my opinions. my sense of humor that no one ever understood. so our first night together i find myself in chains , locked, all night. i had never in my life allowed such a thing . not even with the guy i had been with for 20 years. i had no choice , i never had a choice. His .taken .owned.
i love Master and to quote one of the Gor books "do i love Him because i'm His slave , or am i His slave because i love Him?
dont ge me wrong i hope for a hapily ever after. but if He were to stop loving me i would still be His slave. and if i stopped loving Him , i would still be His. collared forever. the collar is stronger than the ring. |
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A Fairy Tale
Once upon a time there was a Master and a slave girl He had owned for a while now.
He looks at the slavegirl. the time has come. He tells a her a bit of history. a ritual for captors to marry their slave and be ok in the eyes of the church. one is done by both, but that one is not discussed since it can be temporary . He describes the ritual which is binding, words once spoken will live forever. the slave is ordered to follow the directions to perform this ritual. she has waited for all her life to be in that moment with Him. kneeling , head on His knee, tears come. He wraps His hand in her hair and kisses her deep deeper than He ever has. a small struggle , she always struggles when He kisses her. its her kryptonite. He feels her body surrender and the kiss gets deeper , raping her mouth.
every cell in her body screaming slavewife!!!!!
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Today's my 44th birthday. 2 years ago at this time i was already owned. oh i didnt know it at the time or believed it , but a determined Man took me and made me , who never served anyone , a slave. Collared forever. i serve. |
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
santa girl nighty, matching stockings and black patent stilettos. tipsy on moet. loving the feeling of the heavy crystal glass. bubbles tickling.choke collar on.
always pleasing . love You so.
the white gold collar
sits in its velvet box
i look at it and wonder
how i got to mean so much
owned so totally that He opens His soul
loved finally like i always dreamt
owned, slave girl.
hope you feel better D.RN. thinking of your cute face showing pain and pleasure. |
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He might not believe this but i love to watch Him with another slave. His body language, the tone of His voice leaving no doubt He is to be obeyed. i love to watch the girl respond . her eyes glazed, her desire obvious. her surrender complete.
His power intoxicating even when not directed at me. but then i'm always under orders. i know whats needed and do my best . dont always succeed but i just keep trying. and thats whats expected. to do my best and not give up.
so i watch and i enjoy. this Man like no other i ever met. |
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As someone born in another country and spoke a foreing language, I wonder how so many people who's ancestors have been here for centuries cannot spell simple words. Every day I see examples of this. These people are college graduates for goodness sakes!!!!! Professionals who's writing is considered legal documents.
Then they tell people like me to speak English when we share a moment with someone who speaks our native tongue.
By the way, most Americans wouldn't be able to pass the citizen test that "foreigners" have to take.
Please stop thinking being born American makes you better. George Washington, Paul Revere, Betsy Ross were all British citizens.
My uncle got shot in Korea fighting for this country even though he had never set foot on it. He did not speak English . The shooter thought he was an American. The fact my uncle did not speak English did not stop the bullet meant for an American soldier.
I AM A CITIZEN BY BIRTH. I AM PUERTO RICAN. I WILL GO BACK WHERE I CAME FROM WHEN YOU GO BACK WHERE YOURS CAME FROM.
This country is great because we are all so different that we cant get stagnant. We evolve as new people join us. Pledging their lives for this country.
When was the last time most of us have done that? |
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very sore today. Master treats me like i was a bendy doll. not as flexible as i used to be. but i guess he will use us as He chooses. and being a sore slavegirl is what a few of us need to be. subspace. there has never been a better drug. WOW!!!!! feeling of being and not being. floating and grounded. happy yet crying. His all .His nothing. His . slave to be used hard. even if i didnt love Him i would serve Him and be just as happy. and since i will never be released that's a good thing.
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How easy i fell into the role of His slave. Most people who seen me only in His presence are suprised and unbelieving when they hear of my temper and independence.
As the anniversary nears i seem to be thinking of lessons and stumbling blocks i've encountered. To trust a man was the hard, impossible prior to Him.. And yet that was not as hard as having faith. A word i understood as a concept , but not as a personal experience. Took a long time to learn. Thankfully Master Fredpbear has been very patient with this girl. Today i am happy and know no matter what happens in my life from now on i can deal with. Because i will never be alone again. Because i will never be abandoned again. i am His Forever. Owned.
His happiness all that matters. His smile at the end and beginning of everyday. His voice thrilling whether softspoken or harsh.
i used to be frustrated. nothing i did , no matter how good i was ,nothing made sense,nothing worked out. men loved me wanted me but somehow when they got me didnt know what to do with me. most unable to believe that i could be so sexual and yet be faithful.
but seems every step , every decision, right or wrong led me to that January morning when He said, "you'll do".
and here i am today, changed my life to better fit His groove. because He knows i am His. that another wont do. He has trained this slave well. she has learned her lessons.
i guess the easy part was the physical part. learning to please him. to know his moods needs and desires.
the hard part was learning to love Him for who He is all of Him. to learn to love . such a foreing emotion to me. to open all of my heart and soul. to believe that he can love me and still love another. without taking from me anything. to be loved and cherished. collared forever. His.
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there are those that can choose how far they will go. how far they will be taken.
i dont. He takes me as far as He wants to go.i hold His hand , trust , and follow.
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i got a secret i wont tell
i got a secret i wont tell.
Pretty soon it will be 2 years. Two years since i opened that door and my whole life changed forever. Two years of knowing i am His forever. Two years of struggling with my views of true love and submissiveness. one and the same it turns out. my sacifice because i love him and cannot be without Him. my sacrifice because i am His slave and must please Him to be happy. my sacrifice because i am His neccessary.Other girls, prettier ,younger ,smarter doesnt matter. collared, owned ,just having fun, doesnt matter. i'm His neccessary .
He may find another like me. All things are possible after all. That still wont change a thing. i serve Him forever. till the Summerlands call.
slave . never to be released. FOREVER is sometimes such a sweet word. |
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Some look at the wonders god has created and admire it, others look and want to destroy it. |
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i danced again. for pleasure and not from anger and escaping. i danced thinking of Him. i danced as i heard His footsteps . i danced as i felt Him close to me..... |
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Addendum to previous entry.
i'm wearing , lets start from the bottom up , black patent stilettos with strap across the top. white opaque stockings no garter belt, white lacy peekaboo side tie white panties, lacy white waist cincher , white push up bra to match. over this i'm wearing a black stretch button down top top 3 buttons undone, pleated school girl type micro mini skirt.my hair is loose with a small white bow holding a bit of hair off the sides of my face.
As Master travels back home from an already long day i put the chains up attach the cuffs and locks . place key within reach. check reach again. i put on the cuffs. i put a slow beat on the ipod attached to speakers.i beging to dance.
i hear His steps and keep dancing cuffed to the chains. he comes up behind me and my soul seems to flutter. i do not expect sex out of this . i want to be pleasing to His eyes. Busy day .
i turn and see Him holding a plate of spaghetti with homemade sauce. i take the plate set it down and remove the cuffs. i sit and enjoy the meal. i tell Him of my plans to take pictures for Him. the reason i was dancing instead was because the battery was dead.
this took less than forty five minutes , pics included, out of a 24 hour day. But for the rest of the day we will both think of it and smile. Later when i'm not here and i'm home being a dictator mom to UM , He can look at the pics and smile.
This i do for Him as well as for me.
Sometimes i offer to wait for important calls so that He may catch some rest. i sit here and go to collarme and laugh and sometimes cry. always entertained. Til he wakens and i go do for me , a book , a walk out to the back, my laundry. Life of a pleasure slave is such.
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His pleasure slave. i can see some going
" ughhh , bimbo ,good for fucking only."
Well let me enlighten you. i please Him in many more ways than sex. Yes i'm highly trained to please His carnal desires. But i also please Him with intelligent conversation, opinions based on fact, and well versed in current affairs. Well read . Everything from Shakespeare , Asimov, Sagan , Stephen Hawkings to the Far Side .
sometimes i cook for His pleasure, i dance for His pleasure...and sometimes i just sit there quietly reading a book or listening to my mp3. Because thats what He needs and thats what i do. Give Him what He needs , what He wants. And in turn receive so much pleasure for doing so that my eyes sparkle all the time . i am my Beloved's. |
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Lips Like Morphine lyrics
I want a man with lips like morphine
Knock me out every time they touch me
I wanna feel that kiss just crush me
And break me down
Knock me out!
Knock me out!
Cuz I've waited for all my life
To be here with you tonight
I want a man with lips like morphine
Blow a kiss that leaves me gasping
I want to feel that lightning strike me
And burn me down
Knock me out!
Knock me out!
Cuz I've waited for all my life
To be here with you tonight
Just put me on my back
Knock me out again
Oh, I want a man with lips like morphine
Knock me out everytime they touch me
I want a man with lips like morphine
To knock me out
See I've waited for all my life
To be here with you tonight
Just put me on my back
Knock me out again.
when He kisses me its like that
kill hanna music.
changed one word girl for man
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although i get nice messages from dominants and male sub/slaves, i cant answer any. direct order. you have to get permission from my Master. |
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yesterday i sat with rain pouring down over me. and not for a moment did i wanted to get up and dance. i watched nature get ready for winter . felt the still warm rain on my bare legs and feet. and not for a moment i thought i will get up and dance in the rain my bare feet on the wet grass . i know when i grew old. |
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much better now. the thyroid problem is taken care off and i'm healthy again.
thanks everybody for your well wishes.
this weekend sucked! the club was too hot and no fans the music sucked and the people left a lot to be desired i usually dance till closing time. left 2 hours early. then the hispanic festival today the people that went with me were partypoopers. so much for my dancing all weekend . i was counting on that to keep my my mind off these thoughts that are making me crazy. it will be over for now soon .then there's no end really.
content. slavegirl its never about you even when it is.
smile  |
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dont need radiation!!!!!! will just have to ride it out .feeling much better physically. able to wear the collar again.still some crying and high blood pressure. but that will subside in the next few weeks. lots of good friends prayed and wish me well. thank you all. L, J, D, my family.Master . coworkers.
one in the morning. i would have been sleeping if i was there.this doesnt feel like home anymore.
i've been away too long.
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i guess i have a reprieve for now. so i will keep enjoying the columns as long as i can. |
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i remember the first time i heard the click of the lock. the first click of the collar being snapped closed. i remember the wonder of it all. what a frightened lil girl! how i trusted Him even though i was scared to death.
it seems like forever and it seems just days ago i opened the door and He came in and conquered it all. my fears my reluctance to love to trust to live. |
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unable to wear the collar for a while now. my thyroid is hyperactive. lots of localized pain. now it doesnt hurt, but i'm radioactive from the radioactive iodine used for the test. this will be in my body for a few days.this means more time before i can wear the leather collar i love so much.
taking things easy for a while. hopefully i wont need radiation treatment. Master said chemo is more apt to cause hairloss than radiation but i never been without my long hair and i would suffer to lose it. my mother said everything will be alright and as a backwoods witch she would know.
Master taking good care of his little girl. i want for nothing. thank You my love. |
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His happiness is all that matters to me. if He's not happy i cannot be happy.even in my darkest deepest dispair all that matters is Him. i NEED to please Him.its not a want. its necessary to my well being.
i do not doubt His love for me. this i can count on.and when i do that which hurts so bad because to disappoint Him hurts a million times worst , i know i am a slave . i'm collared forever. never to be released .OWNED.
the way i walk
the way i talk
the way i dress
the way i please
SLAVE |
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the collar
choking me
not by your hand
but by the weight of it
funny , has never felt heavy before
times were when i would forget i was wearing it
light as air
as your happiness makes me
good girl
slave
then you showed me
how it would be to be without
this weightless weight
and naked i felt
the collar
heavy
choking me
reminds me i am owned
required only to please
the one thing he does for himself
collared forever
SLAVE
edited to update. new revised edition,
one ot two things He does for Himself |
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this profile will be gone in a few days. i will miss many of you. you have made me laugh and think and a few have made me cry. blessings to all |
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if i had known
i wouldnt have said a word
if i had known
i would have cried alone
if i had known
my pain would have been mine alone
if i had known
i would never kneel again
if i had known i would never
be daddy's girl again
if i had know the collar wasnt so strong
i would have never said a word
if i had known how much i have lost
my heart would have built higher walls
if i had known how useless it is
to believe in dreams
i would have cried alone
i would have never said a word
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today is the worst day of my life . and i've had some crappy ones over the years. i will never be ok again. |
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