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| I have been absent from the lifestyle for a long time apart from local munches, and looking to get back into the swing of things as it were. I am coming off a rather disastrous marriage to someone who claimed to be kink friendly, but I am free of her and free to be me. I first got started into the lifestyle way back in the Lifestyles BBS days full of text chat rooms and AOL. I have served several Mistresses in the ten years I was active, and kept in touch with a few while I was absent from the scene in the previous years. I do have some health restrictions that prevent some play and service, and current family obligations prevent any long term travel plans at the moment. I have a variety of skills available for service from cooking (25 years in the restaurant business) to computer graphics and design (worked with a film production company for seven years). I also have skills in leathercraft and woodworking.
Update 11-12-16:
I AM NOT AN ATM. If you are not serious, please do not contact me. That being said, I have no problem spending money on my Domme, but if there is no relationship, I am not your doormat.
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Mom passed away this weekend. It is a bit different than from when my dad passed over two years ago. He was in the Navy for most of my life, and always deployed somewhere. Mom was there all the time. In some ways it is a blessing, she is free from the Alzheimer's that took away the woman we knew and loved. No more pain from the effects of rapid weight loss and skin breakdown, no more coughing fits or fear. She was a rock for our family. She wasn't dominant, but she wasn't a pushover as well. Stubborn as a mule it has been said. Once the grieving is done and the estate handled, then perhaps, I can start anew. It scares me a bit, I have a habit of getting into comfortable places and not wanting to move, but I will grow from this. Where I end up who knows? But mom will be remembered and missed. Love you mom... |
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I have been dealing with the possibility that this may be the last christmas we have with mom. Her health has been in the decline due to her Dementia, and while I have been in close consultation with her nurse and aide, it seems all I do is fighting a rearguard action in a war I am going to lose. To top it all off, a Domme I had been speaking with started whining about gift cards for her. I am seriously contemplating dumping all online activity for a while and just focus on local munches. |
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I am starting to wonder if the problems with fakes has to do with prevalence of BDSM literature in the mainstream. Someone reads a book and thinks they could do that. So much has changed since I was really active in the lifestyle. I try my best to put my best foot forward in meeting new Dommes, but all I seem to attract are the fakes and wannabes. Sure, there is always a first time for everything, but constantly whining about 'tribute' and 'gifts' is starting to get really annoying. Maybe I should just find a ProDomme... |
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Why is it every time I start to get to know a Domme, it suddenly turns into 'give me money' before we even meet? I am not a bank or an ATM. That being said, I have no problem spending money on my Domme, but never up front. It is hard to not get discouraged since my current situation prevents me from getting out as much as I would like to meet new people and I am limited to the various sites to meet new people. I am pretty sure my Better Half is out there, just need to exercise patience and resilience. |
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I have been a bit reflective as of late. Past choices, future plans. Go left, go right...
How does one defend oneself when another is convinced you are against them? Where do you draw the line? Even communicating honestly, if they hate me so much, why are they still with me? Why is it some people only exist to take advantage of others? I don't want to wall off my heart. Although sometimes the choices my heart makes turn out for the worst. Doing things impulsively is the bane of my existence and the number one reason things screw up for me. I do try to plan for things well in advance, but one can't plan for everything and expect things to go smoothly. |
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Bit annoyed today. My computer is experiencing some hardware failure, requiring me to order a new system. Good news is that I found one that meets all the requirements without breaking the bank, and will let me get more into high end video editing. Just need to get a video greeting on site before this one gives up the ghost...
And having to get a new system blows several holes I had for travel plans. But it will only take me a few months to recoup the investment so I can plan for the future. |
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It is very hard not to get discouraged sometimes. Having the need, the desire, to serve can be very strong with no outlet can be frustrating. But I am not going to let it stop me. They say there is a match for everyone out there and I will keep searching until I find it. I try not dwell on the past, and if you keep looking back, you never see what is in front of you. |
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Journal 9-17-16
I may be submissive and a slave, but I refuse to give in to blackmail attempts and intimidation (unless properly negotiated before hand). I am not a doormat. I am not a ‘thing’. I am a nice guy who has much to offer a prospective Domme, and I would love to find a long term Female led Relationship. I have a need to serve, but all I seem to find are women who seem to want to line their pockets at my expense. I refuse to let such people dictate who and what I am. |
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11-22-05
I have begun writing a tale set in a fantasy world. The first effort is entitled: Slave to the Empire, and can be read on the BDSM Library website. It is not very long, and I am in the process of revising it to fit a more coherent story arc. Please read through it and let me know what you think about it.
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| Age: 27 |
| Texas,
Kansas |
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