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Adorable kitten in search of learning and experience
Why hello there internet person! Welcome to my humble profile. I wrote this so people can get a glimpse into who I am as a person. Please read the whole profile before contacting, it might answer some questions you have about me and save us a lot of time. Plus, if you really find me so interesting and think you might want something with me, show me by putting in a little effort and reading my profile.
Grounds Rules
Before you read further, I'd let to set a few ground rules. First, I'm a switch. I like both sides of the flogger. I can be both domme or submissive. That does not mean I am looking for another switch. I am looking for anyone who can make me happy; be it a switch, a dom/me or a sub. If you want more details, contact me. Second, I hate to be called ma'am. You can refer to me by my username or Princess if you're so hard pressed to use a title. I like other terms but for now, as we get to know each other it's not dreadfully important. Third, be polite. Sending me mail about your wank off fantasies is rude and it ends up deleted. Sending rude, offensive, insulting mail also gets deleted. We're all adults and we should act like it.
About Me
I'm a 23 year old native New Yorker. I go to college, I live at home and have three wonderful pets; two cats and a dog. I enjoy going to movies, listening to music, museums, TV and general fun things. I am a huge anime and manga fan as well as a lover of video games. I am not a bitchy domme, as you can see so far, I have a generally nice attitude. Can I be a bitch? Sure, if someone pisses me off or if the situation calls for it (like some sort of role play) but other than I'm a normal person. I do not have a self entitlement attitude, I am not a princess diva bitch looking for a guy with no self worth to spoil me.
What I Want
So then what do I want? Currently, I'm looking to learn. I'm looking to make friends, to chat, to hang out and enjoy life. I am looking for play partners or people who can teach me more about BDSM. Am I looking for long term? Of course. If there is a connection with someone then long term is a total possibility! I want to explore and am looking for people to explore with, on a road that hopefully leads to a happy ending.
What I Don't Want
Sex. I don't want someone who is solely looking to hook up and have sex. I do enjoy sex and have nothing against having sex with the right person. But I don't want someone who is looking for a fling with spankings or handcuffs. Long distance stuff is also a no. It doesn't work out, sorry. I have no interest in having a cyber or cam dom/slave. I am totally down with being friends with anyone, but that's as far as it goes. Unless you like visiting a lot or relocating, don't get your hopes up if you're not in NYC or close by. Those are my major don't wants, the rest I can list later.
What I Have To Offer
Friendship. A fun time. I am no super domme/sub. I am growing and learning. I don't have my own place or dungeon or whatever either. However, my company is quite enjoyable and I'm kinky and I like to play. I'm down to Earth, no BS but also can role play and get into different things. For dominants out there, I am very much into pain and pushing my threshold. I also enjoy ageplay and seek, hopefully a nice Daddy. However, I am not a service sub. I don't clean, cook or anything like that. For subs out there, I live to give pain. Also to give structure and fun as well At the very least, I can offer a good conversation.
Intermission
Well I hope you enjoyed my profile thus far! If you've read this far, congrats. I am quite pleased and hope you are too. The rest of the profile will be general details to make a relationship with me work. What I will and won't put up with.
MUSTS
* No Black males. Sorry but I'm not sexually attracted to you.
* LOCAL! I'm in NYC Manhattan so unless you can travel or want to relocate you better be close to me (walking, car, train, bus) before contacting me.
* SINGLE! If you want a relationship with me this is a must.
* Financially stable. Being able to take me out and have fun is a huge plus.
* No smoking or drugs! These things are an instant rejection.
* You must have a picture. Either in your profile or to send to me.
BONUSES
* Living alone. I do not have my own place but if you do then that's a big up. It makes things easier.
* Having a car. Just makes life easier, especially so a sub can drive me around.
* Being available. I hate waiting, I ideally need someone who will be available.
* Not having kids. Sorry but little children get in the way. They take up your time and money and energy.
Dominants
If you're looking for a down to Earth female to play with and perhaps have it grow into something more, contact me. I am very free willed and, if you haven't noticed, not an easy catch. But if we click it can be fun and totally worth while.
Submissives
I don't like the term slave. I want someone who can be submissive to me, yes. But I don't want someone who lets others walk over them. I want someone who, if I say so, has no issues walking beside me and doesn't always feel he can only walk behind me. Get it? Hope so.
BIG BIG BIG NO NOS
* Female supremacy is not my thing, at all. Be in awe of me because of my personality, not because I have a vagina.
* Race play. No, never, ever. Once again, be in awe of me because of who I am, not the color of my skin.
* Scat. Just, never. Never, ever.
* If I think of any others, I'll add them. lol
ALL RUDE MESSAGES WILL BE DELETED SO DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME TYPING ONE UP!!
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Peeking in after a long absence, though not much as seemed to have changed. Are there really no normal people out there who also happen to have a bit of kink in them? ): |
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Bored! Logging in to poke around, not expecting much as usual, but who knows. Tumblr is slow tonight. So any BDSMers in My Little Ponies? :3 |
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Every time I log into this site it's a disappointment... |
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Yes, still alive. Just more anti-social than usual. Still looking for locals who are worthy of meeting. |
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Thanks for viewing my profile, please send me a message now! Looking for locals for company, conversation, play and who knows what else.
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I considered going back to Paddles for once but since I couldn't get a solid answer on if the prices changed I didn't go. If I can get said answer I may try again next month. Who knows, but I enjoyed my day none the less. Went to a kimchi contest!
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I've been gone for a while because I became disillusioned by this lifestyle. I want love but I can't seem to find it and now I don't know what I want. I'm still seeking love but perhaps just a good friend and/or play partner would help even more. Or even someone to nature my submissive side more. I just feel lost I guess.
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I know it's been a while and frankly, part of me didn't want to come back to this site or anything remotely related to BDSM. But I decided to do so anyway.
Where ya been?!
Still here, in NYC, chilling.
Haven't seen you at BLANK lately
Yeah, I've avoided any and all things related to BDSM lately.
Why? Are you not into it anymore?
No, it's not that. It's the people. I'm not very good at the whole "casual" thing and it left a bad taste in my mouth. So did so called friends which are really just fly by night dipshits. I still very much enjoy BDSM but I'm really just trying to share it with select people, if I choose to anytime soon, until I get more used to the whole "casual" ways of the public scene.
So what have you been up to?
I finished school (I hope, need to clear up somethings) and right now I'm just looking for a job until I figure out the next phase in my life. Picked up amateur voice acting as a hobby and that's about it.
Social life?
I have none. Aside from a friend of mine who is currently crashing on my couch while they look for work I've avoided most people since I stepped away from BDSM.
What are you looking for now?
Honestly, a foot massage! Agh, I would kill for one, a GOOD one. Also, I'd love some booze. I know it sounds odd but I like to go out and drink and I haven't in a while. Other than that? The same always, friends, meaningful connections blah blah blah.
Have you been ignoring me?
Nope. I just jumped ship off this and any other BDSM site. I'm not even sure if I'm truly "coming back" or not. I just wanted to throw a line out there for an update...and maybe hope for a foot rub. XD
How can I get in contact with you?
Leave a message. If you have my cell number, you can always call.
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I'm looking for real and true friends. I've realized nothing good can come out of anything without strong ground work. Without a connection, there is no reason to go further with play or a relationship.
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I have been bed ridden since the weekend. Apparently along with the emotional stress I'm in I caught my mother's cold. I like being in physical pain but not like this. Being in bed has given me un-needed time to dwell on all the shit floating around inside my head.
I have come to the conclusion that I might stop going to Paddles, rather, I might stop doing any BDSM related activities. The line from E's e-mail last week continues to haunt me, him saying how I have admirers at Paddles. I don't. Most of the people who ask me to play are just using me to get their kink met and then most likely never talk to me again. It's fun in that moment but then the feeling of emptiness looms in. They do not admire me, hell I'm sure they barely like me. What friends do I really have? Who actually likes me for me?
These questions and many more are what haunts my mind lately. Until I can figure something out, or at least get a bit more reassurance I don't think it's wise to be in such public gatherings. I may change my mind, I may not...for now I am on the fence. And I'm wobbling on the fence because I'm so damn sick!
Here's to hoping I feel better.
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WARNING RANT AHEAD!!
Don't read if you don't care. This is a full on depressive rant, perhaps some whining and lots of self loathing. Yeah, I'm in a bad mood. I'm a human being.
I'm home again, I didn't go to Paddles. I didn't want to either. The last time I went it was horrible and I am not eager to try again. E doesn't make it better as he seems to have put me on some back burner, some friend. And then, I can't get a simple answer from people either. I would have gone if I had gotten a simple yes from someone I had been chatting with but they seemed to be MIA all day. Why?! We talked about it and I asked them to let me know before hand. Yeah, thanks a lot. So fuck it and fuck everyone else.
I laugh when people act like BDSM is some elite lifestyle above all others. There just ass many jerks and assholes doing BDSM as there are at your local night club or bar. You take an asshole and dress them in leather and latex...guess what? THEY'RE STILL AN ASSHOLE!
And I have never felt more dehumanized than I have by some of the people in this "lifestyle." Well...save for when I used to have casual sex. Do submissive guys really think they're doing something special by offering their "service" and throwing ma'ams and mistress terms around? Goddamnit, I have a name. It's not Mistress or Princess or Ma'am it's Ashley. A-S-H-L-E-Y! And if you fucking know my name the least you can do is use it!
Any woman who might boss a guy around is good enough to them. It doesn't exactly matter who she is as long as she does what he likes. I have met nice people though, however I can count them on perhaps one hand. And what's worse? When nice people turn bad. When they stall on meeting, ditch you after meeting or actually turn into assholes after meeting. Is there anyway to win?
I don't know how some people spend years trying to find someone. It's driving me crazy and I'm only 24. Not even romantic, it's hard enough to find solid friends. It makes me want to blame it all on myself. I'm the link in the chain of assholes, perhaps I am just a horrible person that revolts the rest of humanity.
I am home tonight. I wish I could just get drunk and forget everything. Or shoot myself in the head. Whichever comes first. Monday starts a new semester and hopefully the last one. After that, maybe I can finally hang myself. Or lock myself up in a hospital so no one will ever have to be burdened by me again.
I am lonely and frustrated to the extreme. No one seems to notice or care, perhaps I'm just good at hiding it. I'm writing this to get shit off my chest and rant, I don't care who reads it or if they think less of me for feeling as such. Sometimes we have negative feelings. I have them a lot actually, but I'm usually good at covering it up. My bottle of emotions is getting full, however.
Part of me wanted to go to Paddles tonight. To hang out with a friend, and really I wanted some pain. A harsh whipping or even more cell popping or even cutting. I needed physical pain to avoid thinking about the emotional pain. But E fucked that up and yes, I am very mad at him. I doubt he notices or care...he doesn't seem to notice how I feel. It's frustrating to have a friend who can't even tell how you feel.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I bottle things up but it adds up. Last year was rough, the year before it was rough and I had hoped BDSM exploration would help but it hasn't. So what else is there to do?
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I made a wish list! Why? Well, mainly because I'm clearing my hard drive and I wanted to know what I'd be losing (since some of my anime is licensed I can just get it on DVD later) so it's a reminder to myself. I personally like buying my goodies off ebay because they sell things cheaper but I don't really intend to buy anything off amazon (well...maybe Eiken and Step Up Love Story since I can't find them on ebay) but it's a nice tool. I can't believe I never used it before. I'm going to start looking for books to add, perhaps.
In case you were curious:
www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/3VQX6DFXD51D3
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I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this, probably just boredom. I was having computer issues lately. Stupid viruses on the internet. FINALLY the issues are being fixed. It was very hard since my computer wouldn't start up unless it was in safe mode and then after that, couldn't get on the internet.
However, the nice computer geeks on line really helped me out. It's great that there are computer help forums where people give out aid and advice for free. I didn't have the cash to bring it in and really, the stuff I'm doing to fix it isn't all that hard. Just need the right programs and the right knowledge; I lack the knowledge but the people on the forum have it.
My mood is, of course, better now that I can be on my own computer. I know when things are fixed 100% that I will be feeling even better! Now I guess I should study a lil bit for this stupid test I have to take. CPE to get out of this stupid college.
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I'm home on Saturday, E said he didn't want to go and I didn't fight it. I really didn't want to go to Paddles this weekend. Despite there being a violet wand demo on Friday I just wasn't in the mood to deal with the people.
Last Saturday didn't go well. Too many wankers, not enough good people and I wasn't in a good mood. I really hate the random feeling you get with BDSM. People come and go, faces come and go, you can play and have a good time with someone one day and then you never hear from them again because they don't show up anymore or they weren't local. I've been lucky to keep in touch with a few nice people though my original goals when beginning my BDSM journey have still not been met yet.
Meh, add to that my stupid computer issues and my mood has been crap lately. Anyway, that's all I had to say. Will I go next weekend? Who knows.
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I said I would so here is a brief summary of my holidays.
Sunday before Christmas
This was the horrible day I went to Suspension, however, before that stupid party the day went well!
I hung out with my dad. We were going to see some train thing he's into but the trains weren't running. Instead we went to see the tree! It's big but not as nice as other years. SOOOO many tourists though, hard to move around. But if you want to see a NYC Christmas then you see the tree. It was cold that day so we went inside a store. I thought it said "bookstore" but apparently it was called Brook Stone. Imagine that. It was a nice store, it sold massage pillows, chairs, reading lights and other doo-dads. We bought a pillow for my mom and a magnifying glass for dad.
My Birthday
Uneventful as usual. No birthday sex! However, I got my ice cream cake, I have one every year. I got cash and two video games; Eternal Sonata and Puzzle de Harvest Moon. Spent it with my parents, that's about it.
Christmas
Another uneventful day. Family, music, good food. Mom got her pillow we bought. I got an ipod and two more games; Tales of Symphonia 2 and Resident Evil 4. It was a comfortable day.
New Years
I didn't do anything! The snow ruined travel plans. We couldn't get upstate. So nothing happened, the ball dropped and that's it.
Luckily, I went out the day before New Year's Eve. I met someone from collarme. He was nice, the day was nice. It was nice to meet someone who wasn't totally hung up on BDSM. We were just two normal people. I also picked up a nice new wallet, finally!
Well, that's about it. Pretty simple holiday. I have some kick ass games though. I'm currently playing Eternal Sonata. :D
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I am semi-rushed in writing this but I wanted to do it before New Years. I won't be doing to the Paddles party for New Year's. It's too expensive and E isn't going and it seems a few other people won't go either due to the price. So I said chuck it and go to my sister's house for free! lol
Anyway, as for Saturday. I went to dinner with my mom that evening (late birthday dinner) and I had a nice time. Good food and really good drinks. I ended up going to Paddles tipsy. E picked me up, as usual, so that was groovy.
It was a totally different experience adding the booze! I mean, I usually act different when I drink, a bit more open I guess. So I probably wasn't as shy. It's harder to actually DO the BDSM after drinking, though. And by do, I mean being on top. But I managed.
Now I introduce a new player to my story, A. I mentioned A before, he was the gentleman who got his ass beaten bloody a couple of weeks ago. Well, he was back and ready to do it again. He also showed up with booze. I took an ale that he offered but it tasted horrible. I'm sorry but I find beer nasty. I'm more of a wine gal or mixed drinks. So I tossed the beer, I was already tipsy enough anyway.
The evening began slow, people chatting and stuff. J showed up with her pretty female friend, I had met her before. She seems like a nice person. A was looking forward to Mistress J showing up, he obviously wanted the shit beaten out of him. lol
I started off my night working over this older fella. I have seen him around and never took the step but that night, I did. It was fun enough, he got his kicks. I also locked another guy in a cage and tickled him. He does it all the time but I never actually did it; it was more fun than I thought it would be actually!
A got worked over twice and was left bloody again. I broke my special cane on him though. [Insert sad face here] It's not special...I just like it because of the pink handle. SIGH! The older fella from before invited me for a drink I said ok, we went to some nearby bar. He wasn't creepy or rude, he spoke about his experience and such. I gave a bit of my own history. The drink was good, not too strong. But it didn't have much of an affect. After that, it was back to Paddles.
I spent most of the night topping, only one person spanked me and it wasn't E. I felt bad that I didn't get a chance to play with him. Partially because I was tipsy and partially because I kept having people ask for my attention...and also because I'm still not sure how to handle switching roles in one night so much. I really like the rush of being on top but being on the bottom is a whole different feeling...to mix the two in one night isn't easy.
But overall, I had fun! No puppy boys tonight. I was also hoping to run into another gentleman I met last week but no luck. But the people that were there were fun so no harm!
I am enjoying learning and practicing BDSM. I hope I can get more techniques and be more confident. I guess that comes with time, practice and good resources.
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I've been dying to write this so here I ago! As I mentioned earlier, I wanted to make this weekend before my birthday as exciting as possible, well I tried. There were ups and downs so it didn't turn out exactly as I had hoped. I'll begin with Friday.
Friday
I said I might go to Paddles this night, I did not. Despite there being a munch. Why? I don't like going alone and it was bloody cold. Now last week, this older dude with long hair gave me his e-mail addy and we spoke on line. I said we might be able to meet Friday. Well, he took the word "might" and ran with it. Called me Friday and kept calling, despite my hesitation and saying I probably wouldn't go. He kept saying "Well, think about it and I'll call back" and he kept doing this until fucking 6:30pm and the munch started at 7pm. Obviously I wasn't going. He finally took the hint and let it be and I relaxed at home, nice and warm.
Saturday
I did make it to Paddles this day though! E picked me up, as usual, which was even more appreciated than ever before now that it's so fucking cold. He had less gear than last week as well. It was some special TES party but E was also nice enough to pay my way in (I'm feeling spoiled, I swear) and then the night began. Well, sort of; the place had people in it but it was dead as hell. Mainly they were TES members, I assume, and they were talking with one another. It felt rather clique-ish. You barely ever see any of these people at Paddles but they grace the club because it was a special party, I guess.
Well, sorry, I wouldn't call it a party honestly. The music was the same thing they always play, the snacks were mediocre at best and the crowd was a bunch of people over 40 doing nothing. It really wasn't worth the $35 price tag. At least the Halloween party was active!
I ran into one Miss J's puppy boys from last week, the cutest one (in my opinion). I gave his bottom a work over which was fun. Then...things were dead again. Walking, talking, some people were playing. A bit of rope play and even some wax play (I soooo want to try that!) and that's it. Then Mistress J came and somehow the whole place lit up. She has a very magnetic personality.
More people showed up and other people actually started to play. And then, Mr. Long Hair Bad Accent showed up (aka, the guy I mentioned on Friday) and I got stuck talking to him. VERY BORING! He was asking about school and I said I was a college and a liberal arts major. And then he gets all snotty going on how you need an actual major to get a good job and blah blah. His tone wasn't snotty but what he was saying was. He asked what my favorite subject was, I said English. Guess what? He had shit to say about that too. He goes on how English English (aka, from England) is different from here. I was confused...since when does the subject in an American school have anything to do with England? I tried to explain it but gave up. He's obviously foreign so meh. I FINALLY got away from by saying I had to pee, which I didn't.
This guy came up to me asking me if he knew any women who liked to give spankings (he didn't say it exactly like that, but I'm paraphrasing) he was obviously new. I said yeah...and then his friend came over, a pretty Asian gal. Apparently it was their first time there and she was interested in learning to flog. They had seen me over working over puppy boy. The person who was going to show her was busy. She also needed a test subject. I recommended puppy boy, he agreed. We all chit chatted a bit and then I left them to their own devices and went to get my own spanking work over from E. It was nice, as usual but weird. It's hard to switch in the same night. After topping someone and then being topped...almost feels like an odd shift in power.
After all that we caught up with the girl and the puppy boy, she was spanking his bum hard. I found the person who was going to teach her flogging and she got her lesson in the end. I think puppy boy got in trouble with J for playing with her though, so I guess that one is my fault. lol
The rest of the night was filled with talking and such. E gave out his presents. He made these odd hose flogger thingies....gave one to J and one to myself. It looks like a Jedi sword. I have no idea when I will ever use it but it's the thought that counts. He says he has only given them to a few special female friends. I also got two wooden spoons and a lovely pink flogger!
Mister Long Haired Bad Accent tried to talk to me again, once or twice during the night. He kept rubbing my arm and it was uber creepy. I wish I could have just been a bitch and told him to fuck off. Hopefully my cold shoulder routine will help him get the hint. I did needle play again, as well. I also worked over puppy boy one last time and got a spank from J herself...which hurt like a truck hitting you in the ass. I have no idea how such a petite little lady can hit with the strength of like...a boxer, I swear.
All in all it was a fun night. Though, I'm still working on this switching thing. E thinks I look good topping but then to switch up and be topped makes me wonder if you loose face to the subs you topped. Perhaps I'm worrying too much. If a guy doesn't like a woman who switches then he's not for me.
Sunday
After that nice time Saturday, I ruined it on Sunday by going to Suspension. If I had to sum it up in one word, I'd use horrible.
The location was lovely, the basement of a nice restaurant. It was also crammed and there were barely any BDSM equipment around. The music was techno/rave stuff, like at Paddles, except you couldn't tell if it was the same song all night or just different songs back to back with the same THUMP THUMP beat. I guess if you like to dance is fine...but there is no room to dance anyway.
I got what I excepted and then some. I excepted it to be filled with elitist fetish people who all know each other and do BDSM play. What I got was elitist fetish people who all know each other, are swingers and do barely any BDSM play. They really should advertise that it's a sex party rather than a BDSM party, I swear there were fucking condoms on every table. 80% of the people were bumping, humping, grinding, licking, sucking ANYONE they could find. The other 20% was made up of single people or people who were with someone they were humping, bumping, etc with exclusively.
BDSM? Pfft. There was rope bondage, a couple I saw at Paddles on Saturday was there doing their thing. Also, the guy who held the rope demo at Paddles last weekend was there, of course with a lot less space to do his work. There was barely anything remotely painful. Most of the people doing the BDSM were just doing it...as a way to get hard for the bumping, humping, grinding, etc part! No screams of pain, no begging to stop, no grunts from harsh flogging...this was all baby stuff. I'm well aware people mix sex with BDSM but NONE of the people there were doing ANYTHING remotely amazing. The only skill I saw was the man doing the rope who gave the demo last weekend.
They had a bar but the drinks were over priced. Perhaps if I was drunk I might have enjoyed myself a fraction more than I did. I brought my whole bag of toys, such a waste.
Suspension is a BDSM party alright...
B = Bondage (the ropes)
D = Dance to bad techno
S & M = Stand and model
I wanted E to go with me so I wouldn't feel so alone but he declined. I doubt he would have liked it anyway. They are not very welcoming to new people, that's for sure. One guy said hello. Asked if I was new to the "lifestyle" and I said no, I go to Paddles. He said "Oh, I'm sorry." Why be sorry? It's a hell of a lot better than THAT place. Paddles is where you go to see skill and pain. Suspension is where you go to see...well latex and sex.
Pros? It was cheaper than Paddles. A bar. You can have sex (or close to, who knows). If you like those sort of people/music/fashion then you're in luck there. If you just want to show off how hot you are in whatever fetish stuff you ware. Closer to where I live.
Cons? The people are just...agh. Not friendly. There really was no hardcore play, just light sensual stuff. Location may be closer but the bus to get there stops running at a certain time and the train is blocks away; I ended up wasting money on cabs. The drinks cost too much.
Would I ever go again? Probably not. Never again, alone anyway. I would HAVE to bring someone with me, it's the only way to not feel like an outsider. Because unless you know the people or are into fetish wear you're out of place there. Would I recommend it to anyone else? Nope. Not unless they're like what I described the party to be like.
I had read a few negative reviews and even someone e-mailed me warning how clique-ish it is and such. Hell, even when I got there a woman said "This is strictly BYOS, Bring Your Own Slave." She too was stuck there alone. But I gave it a try and I got the experience I was expecting. I knew I shouldn't have gone alone. I thank my lucky stars I met E at Paddles to have a buddy. Meeting Mistress J and all the nice people she attracts was also a blessing. Perhaps if I kept going to Suspension I'd be bless to meet nice people there too...but the horrible feeling of loneliness that you go through while waiting to meet nice people isn't worth it. If I ever go again, it'll be with company.
In Conclusion
Saturday was the highlight of my weekend. Sunday almost ruined it, but, I tried something new so oh well. However, as I write this it is now 12am and officially my birthday. So screw everyone else! Happy birthday to Mistress J, who's b-day is a day before mine. Happy birthday to me and I'll update again after X-Mas to tell about my holidays.
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I honestly wasn't looking forward to updating my journal. I had made plans with E for the weekend at Paddles but wasn't totally looking forward to them, mainly because Paddles has been getting dull. After maybe a month without being there, I felt rusty. WELL things turned out better than I thought!
Plans for Friday but were changed to Saturday. Supposedly he wanted to go to the rope demo on Friday but that changed. So despite being a bit disinterested I went. Paddles was pretty dull at first, people were watching the rope demo wrap up and not playing. So we decided to play as usual. Well, I was out of practice and it hurt more than usual. I swear he used almost every toy he had, two floggers, straps, etc etc. Even the whip! After the whip I needed a break!
As I was trying to enjoy my break we noticed some people gathering, one was an older man with an accent. After a little casual chatting he said those golden words "Hit me as hard as you can." Well, E was tired so I went for it with my flogger. It was a bit annoying since he only wanted his ass hit, no back or thighs or anything but I tried. Let me just say this now, he was a total pain slut. I was hitting as HARD as I could and he kept wanting more. E even joined in and we double teamed him, double flogging at full strength. I pulled the muscle in my arm! I finished off using E's whip and then E used it and after that it was really time for a bloody break.
And you know what? He was still ready for more. So I introduced him to Mistress J since her hand is probably the strength he needed. She was being tied up in rope which was quite amusing. After I did my public service I finally sat down to rest. And then came a guy offering to massage my arm, of course I said yes! It was a bit hard but it felt nice and made my arm feel better. Then he wanted me to sit on him, which I did and then we went to another are for more massage and I even got spanked. lol Apparently he was a switch.
Well, after that it was time to rest, right? Very briefly. E wanted to do needles so we went but didn't get around to it right away. The guy from earlier came back for more so it was time for round two, this time with wooden spoons. Some ladies from the dungeon next door popped into play/watch and they apparently liked that he could take so much. We beat his ass with the spoons until it was bleeding. I called Mistress J over to show her and what do you know, she jumped in and made it even worse. I was honestly in shock he could take so much, his ass was a bloody mess. He only left because he had to catch a train, or else I'm certain he would have stayed for more!
Then I got distracted again watching Mistress J play with some guys who were acting as puppies. I do love puppies! I even joined it with a cane! One of the women from the next door dungeon asked my name, and I said Ashley. And she said "Greetings Mistress Ashley." Now, that was new. Usually when the bois want to play they call me mistress and I brush it off but I guess it sounds different coming from another dominant woman...like, more respectful. You know she's not saying it to try and get something out of you. I didn't say "Oh, I rather be called Princess" since I honestly didn't mind. So long as no one calls me ma'am or goddess, I'm cool.
Finally after all that I went for the needles. As usual, people watched. Hell, even had to touch the needle rows. It was only 40 this time and as with the spankings, I was rusty. It was hard to take them since I haven't done it in a while. But, I enjoyed. After that I needed a true rest! Well, I didn't get it. A couple who had been watching the needle play (and the guy touched the needle row) asked if I wanted to play; apparently they wanted to duel spank me. Now, I probably should have said no since I was at the end of my rope (no pun intended) but I agreed.
Ouchies did it hurt, she had a harsh hand. I guess it was a good topper to a full evening. E tried to get me in for one last hard hit but goddamn, I was done! I probably could have taken it but I just said nah. We just stood around and chatted with the other people who were still there. It was nice to finally cool down. After that it was homeward bound.
My birthday is in a week, December 23rd, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my time. My parents haven't asked me really what I wanted or had planned. I assume my mom will take me to dinner. I spoke with E about going to Suspensions on the 21st (think that's when it is) so I doubt he'd be able to go to Paddles as well that weekend. So...dunno if I'll be at Paddles next weekend unless I find someone else to go with, oy!
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December 23rd - That's when my birthday is! I do not know what I will be doing for my b-day this year. It's in the middle of the week which does not help. I hope that I can do something interesting the weekend before my b-day at the very least.
Gift ideas!
Money is the easiest gift. I'm a little picky about certain things so aside from taking me shopping to find something, you'll probably get the gift wrong. However...if you need ideas then...
Hello Kitty! I love Hello Kitty products! I mean official Sanrio products! I especially need a new wallet.
Video games! I'm a gamer and love games. DS, 360, Wii and PS2 are my systems. Wouldn't mind a PS3 or a thin pink PSP but they're not on the top of my lists.
Anime! I love official DVDs, no bootlegs! I collect box sets as well. Some good ideas are; Elfen Lied, Witchblade Saiyuki Reloaded, Ikki Tousen, Kaledio Star (second season) and other ideas just ask. Pricer box sets would be Sailor Moon S and Super S and Card Captor Sakura.
Manga! As well, I love manga. However, I buy my manga in bulk; ie the whole series. Some ideas would be; Sorcerer Hunters, Angelic Layer, Card Captor Sakura, Battle Vixens, Chrono Crusade, etc.
Sailor Moon! This is my big collecting love. I collect official Sailor Moon items. Like wands, lockets, in the box with the official Bandai seal on them. I know, it's dorky.
Comic Books! Also like comics, like those books that hold together multiple issues and such.
Books! I like Stephen King, interested in reading the Harry Potter series. I like vampires and such; you know, fantasy. So yeah...I like to read if it's good!
Jewelry! Yeah, I'm a woman. Go fig. My birthstone is blue topaz so that's always a plus. I can wear silver, gold or platinum but fake jewelry turns and irritates my skin.
BDSM! Of course the stand by. New flogger, paddles, cuffs, canes. I love canes actually. I like floggers a lot as well. Also looking for a nice whip.
Etc ideas; kitty ears, kitty tails, cute hats, etc. Vague, I know. If you know me you'd understand. Dying for a princess crown!
Yeah, that's me. As you can see a lot of my ideas are nerdy in nature. I do like handbags but, as I said, I'm very picky. Most of the list was just written for my own reference so that I know what to say if someone asks me. I usually hate thinking on the spot of things I like. I don't expect Santa to read my list, but if he does thanks big guy!
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You can train someone to get into special positions. You can teach someone how to cook food the way you like it. You can show someone how you like your laundry done. You train someone to follow certain commands.
You can't teach someone how not to be stupid. The sexist part of the human body is the brain. The thinking you do in your head. I don't care how much you want to rub and sniff my feet. I don't care how badly you want to serve. If you can't even think for yourself and entertain MY brain then you are of no use to me.
Being smart and sharing it with me is the greatest service you could ever give. All those tasks can be taught, you can't teach someone how to have a personality and be unique.
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I was surfing another site and a topic on the forum asked, and I paraphrase, what do you use this site for? Now, said site I almost totally hate...their forums suck especially. But I decided to reply since it was a generic question I could answer and not the usual e-hugs or power trips. Yes, this was a BDSM site. And then, I surfed the site some realizing I'd been guilty of not searching it much.
I got bored pretty quick. I really hate searching for people. Perhaps I am too pampered by CM. It makes the search easier by having the main page JUST that. Now their methods for search are a bit limited (ie you can't really search by interests and you can only search for one orientation at a time) but so far it works better than any other site I use.
I'm hoping to join more BDSM personal sites and see what they are like. So far CM is my fave, is alright but mainly the groups are the only attraction. (Plus all the layout and font changes annoy me) A new one, kinkyspace seems...ok. I'll give it a shot. It's still in baby mode and reeks of myspace rip off BUT it might surprise me. I have alt and bondage but they're for pay and I don't feel like paying money to search aimlessly. Subsfordommes seems to be for pay and the layout is horrid. Femdommesociety is ok...but I'm not into female supremacy so I feel just a taaaaad out of place.
Any ideas for any other good BDSM socializing sites?
I don't like to limit my search to just one site, I want to spread my wings across the inter webs!
As for my weekend, it was alright. I did play but I won't go into detail because that's the way the person wanted it. No, they're not married and no there was no sex, but it's what they asked me and I agreed. I will say, I had fun! I took charge and got to really test my toys out. It was nice to work with the flogger and practice my technique. I do hope to do it again sometime.
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I know not many really read my journals nor care but right now I just need to write. I have so much on my chest but don't know how to get it off. As I type these sentences my brain is trying to censor its thoughts so I don't spew everything out here to the face internet. I'll keep it brief.
To sum it up, I'm lonely. I began to explore BDSM to find out more about myself, what I enjoy and find like minds. So far I've met a lot of jerks as well as some nice people but no...how do you say, true friends? No one who I can vent and rant to and they'd care. No one who at 3am if I'm crying they'd listen. And of course, no love. Now comes the problem. Part of me just HATES people...so it's frustrating when I feel these feelings because I know, in the end people can and most likely will hurt you.
Second thing is, I have problems talking about my feelings so I know if I found someone who could potentially be a true friend, I close up. Everyone is great when it's all laughs, spanks and good times but when you're down and out...what then? I have a lot of thoughts swirling in my brain at the moment, but those were the main ones I woke up with; not to mention some douche of a "friend" just made it worse.
I woke up today feeling horrible. I had fun at Paddles last night and yet...I crashed in my mood today. I mean yesterday I went out with E, we had dinner at a Mexican place. We walked, talked and then went to Paddles for the usual. Spanking, violet wand and another cell popping session.
The place was mellow, not crowded at all. Mistress J was there which was fun. She kissed me which...well shocking. Haven't had a kiss in months and never from a female! Got to see spanks, and whips and yada yada. It was a classic good night. So I should be waking up in a good mood...but I didn't.
I'm thinking, perhaps, I need a break from Paddles. Paddles is fun but it's a momentary fun. There still a whole lonely week to deal with. Plus, the casualness is hard to deal with at times. E is great but he goes out of his way, I feel, sometimes to remind me how much younger I am. He is a great friend and that's all he wants. Which is fine, but my wiring is having a hard time dealing with it. The BDSM stuff is like an extension of trust. And the riskier things you want to try, the more trust you need to put into the person doing it. But then not also have any deeper feelings as well. It's hard. I know it's not impossible but it's hard.
I guess it's all in the umbrella of learning about myself and other things. Perhaps I am more apt to doing BDSM within a relationship instead of just casual or friendly. I am only 23, this is the time in my life where I should be figuring these things out, ne?
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I was interested in going to Paddles on Friday, there was a munch that day. However, there was also a demo and a very boring sounding demo. I didn't feel like going to the munch then having to wait for the demo to be over only to go to Paddles alone. So I chucked the idea.
After various e-mails all week long, E and I planned for a Saturday visit. However, I still had time to spare. However, when talking to submissive guys to perhaps meet it's all the same. Their mind is totally on kink. I don't know why when people enter into this kinky life they seem to lose all social graces; or perhaps never had any to begin with.
I talked with a guy I was talking to last week, we were supposed to meet this week. But Friday was his mother's birthday so I said fine, Saturday during the day. When Saturday comes he mentions Paddles, I had not mentioned going there with him since I already had plans. And when I say no, I'm going there with a friend he throws a hissy fit; again! I said we could meet up, have dinner and chat for a while (three hours or so) but apparently that would be a waste of time to come into the city just for that. Seriously, why do guys call themselves submissives but always have a laundry list of demands. And they're not up front about it because the whole time they go on about how much they want to "serve" and shit...but still act like pushy douches. Needless to say I just said fuck it to him. He said he was going to Paddles anyway with a female friend of his and I was like, whatever. I don't know if he was being a petty little boy and trying to make me jealous or something but since I've never even met the dude, that's not happening.
That drama aside, I got ready to go out. E picked me up which was super nice of him and we went on our way. I was still a bit frustrated by the "sub" I mentioned earlier but that went away after some chit chatting.
Once there it was walk around as usually. There weren't too many people that night, though that changed as the night went on. A lot of men though, the creepy kind that watch everything people do. Also the classic newb girls bouncy their pretty boobs as they try to figure out what a flogger is. Usually people were there as well.
What did I do? The usual spankings and such. As well as the needles. Though this time E made a pattern. It's quite nice as well. I was wearing a blindfold while he did it (he bought it that night since I expressed interest in trying that out) and it was a bit scary. I could feel where the needles were going but couldn't quite figure out the whole pattern until I could see it. He tried to put the needles across my chest, that lil space between my boobs. I couldn't take that, not enough flesh. It hurt very badly so he didn't continue there.
As for new things, E wanted to do cell popping. If you don't know what that is then google it because I can't explain it well. Pretty much it's some sort of micro branding. He heard about it via TES but couldn't see the demo on it because it was 18-35. Instead, he learned via the CD-Rom that came with the cell popping kit he bought. I was gungho about it at first but when I actually saw the kit I became scared. We had agreed to a heart pattern before hand, a little one on my upper thigh. I will say that this hurt like no tomorrow. He had to use this instrument that he called a probe (it's apparently used for dissections) and heat it with a flame and then poke my skin with it. Not to penetrate but to burn the flesh. Yes __BURN THE FLESH__!! I was screaming through the whole thing, it was very painful and part of me wonders why I agreed. But...it was sort of fun.
He also had some odd idea to stab me in the ass with a syringe of some sort. Don't ask why, he has odd ideas. It hurt a little bit, being stabbed in my rear with a needle and all. But it wasn't that eventful.
Then it was home again, quite tired from all that had happened. Mind you, I never ran into that submissive douche at Paddles that night. No idea if he came or not. I saw a couple of guys that could have been him but in the end, I didn't know what he looked like. He had shown me a picture of himself a while back but...that was a while back! It's probably for the best that I didn't see him.
But thanks to him, I am 100% on my resolve now. I want ALL first meetings with people from this evil internet to be totally and utterly vanilla. Walk, talk, eat, movie and whatever; but no kink! Well, no kink unless I say so. It usually, in my experience, turns out bad when a guy expects something or even gets his hopes up it will happen. And inviting them to Paddles usually does that. Sorry boys, you'll have to actually and truly get to know me now instead of pretending. :D
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My Halloween story starts at around the beginning of October. E wasn't up for going to Paddles for a few weeks so I didn't go either. I pretty much had to deal with my own nonsense and such. I didn't feel like looking for someone else to go with and laid low.
A week before Halloween I realized I was dead broke, as noted in another entry. I had to miss out on a few events because of it but was holding out hope things would be better for Halloween.
E gave me the call and we picked a party to go to; the one on Saturday. I was still broke then but luck was on my side and I managed to find funds to enjoy Halloween. Yay me!
I was considering going to the Halloween party on Friday as well, just without E. Also maybe the parade. But I couldn't find company. It's amazing how many submissives want to serve but are too shy to party at Paddles. I'm sorry boys but if you wanna dance with me long term, you gotta get used to attending BDSM events. Either way, I stayed in Friday. I didn't want to go alone and since it was Halloween I didn't want to be out late and risk getting hurt. Rumors of the Bloods (a gang) slashing people for Halloween PLUS hearing about someone who was slashed randomly at Central Park kept my butt parked at home.
Then comes Saturday. E isn't feeling well and cancels. I spend the whole day trying to think of what to do. Go alone or not. Now, I had talked to a sub guy on Friday. Said we should hang out for a drink, he said nah and maybe dinner on Saturday. Saturday comes, church gets in the way (yeah...) and he's too shy for Paddles. So whatever, I'm pissed but then E calls saying he feels better and we're gonna rock Paddles. Whoo! I tell the other guy fine, whatever, make it next weekend. Well, needless drama aside, I think he wants to date me (despite us never meeting) and didn't want to go the party even more now since I'd be there with E, who is only a friend. (yay...) So I said whatever, it just reminded me if I ever do seriously date someone they need to be able to handle me playing (not fucking) other people.
So the party! E was in a bad mood, I was in a bad mood so it was like...whaaaa. But things evened out. Once the crowd died down I felt better. Got my bum spanked, yay! I had been going through some serious withdrawal without a good dose of pain in so long. I spaced out a bit during it, my own thoughts taking over. No, not subspace. More like, me falling into the bottomless pit that is my mind while thoughts race around. However, I still enjoyed the spanking/flogging.
I also beat on someone as well! A rather scrawny guy who is there often asked if I'd spank him, I said ok. He's a little slow but still likes BDSM, go him! However, I didn't enjoy it. He couldn't take enough pain and wasn't exactly responding how I liked. But oh well, it was amusing at least.
After that, I was going for another round of spanking with E when someone stopped me and asked if I wanted a foot massage. Well fuck yeah I did! That lead to at least an hour of my feet being worshiped. It was great. I felt bad for leaving E to wander alone but I really couldn't pass up the offer for a foot rub. Nice guy too, from out of town. Talked a lot during the rubbing. He was there with a couple of friends, one of which had actually seen me before on collarme; imagine that!
But when the time was drawing near, I had to make time for E. We did the usual needle play. I told him to put as many in as he wanted. He doesn't exactly have a dominant personality, he's mainly a sadist but I still try to push at to find some sort of dominant streak. I think we got 46 needles in, yay! Then I walked around to show them off, it was his idea. I got a lot of compliments, it's so odd. This lifestyle is where people say things like bruises and needles in breasts are beautiful; what a world!
After that, there was some other nonsense and then it was time to go home. I also appreciate so much that E drives me home from Paddles. I feel safer that way and it makes my life a little easier. Plus, time to chat.
But yeah, that's how my Halloween went. I did get to chit chat a lil with people there. Got candy and condoms from Little Red Riding Ho and ran into Mistress J dressed as..umm...Little Make Your Ass Red Riding Hood? There is still a lot of stuff on my mind but I won't really be posting about it here. It's just stuff I can't talk about to anyone. Oh well, for now what counts is I had a good time. :D
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Halloween is coming and usually I don't give a rat's ass about the day. I stopped caring about it many years ago when I stopped going to kiddie parties and when I got too old to Trick-or-Treat. However, now that I've stepped into this lifestyle I see things. And it seems a lot of activities happen around Halloween. Maybe because people can get away with wearing latex and leashes in public.
I'd like to join in a bit this year but I'm still nervous, plus broke! Broke college student and BDSM don't seem to mix very well. I did see a flyer at school for a party more around my price range...then again it's for college students. If worse comes to worse there is always that.
Oh well, this was just a rant. Hopefully my next post will be me saying I got to do something fun after all!
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I think it would be fun to add Proper Grammar Training to the list of things I'd want to do with a submissive. So many times I see how they write "i" instead of "I" and uses the horrible / speak (W/we, U/us, Y/you etc) and then the ones that refer to dominants with capital letters (Him, Her, She, You, etc) and it makes my skin crawl! Well fuck it, I officially state here that any submissive I'm with long term will go through grammar training. That means to correct those annoying "BDSM net trends" AND to correct them in general. No, I am no English expert but I like to think I know enough to do this.
Yes, that means bad grammar would be punished. And yes, this would mean when they speak as well. You know when people use the wrong tense and such? I think it will be fun. A spank each time they make an error against the English language.
I've heard of other people doing this as well. Plus, it's not just in BDSM. In stricter school times such things were heavily inforced and still are in other countries. I love how in China, children are punished by writing caligraphy. It's difficult and painful but in the end gives them dicipline and a great skill.
Yes, I want to push the boundries of the mind.
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I am done with my new profile! Marvel at it!! I think it's a bit more clear. Yes longer, but worth the read I say.
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Why are people really on this site, I wonder sometimes.
Some people are so lazy they don't put a profile or put no effort into their profile. Why is that? If you REALLY want to attract someone wouldn't you put as much effort into getting said person to contact you? Some just go "If you want to know more, just ask." Why should I? You've shown nothing interesting for me to care what the rest is so why bother trying to fish it out of you?
With so many profiles of people, wouldn't one want to do everything they can to stand out from the crowd?
I saw one profile that complained about women who's profiles say "Read my profile before contacting me." This douche bitched and moaned about how women delete 99% of their e-mails just by looking at the guy's picture so why should he bother investing 20 minutes of research just to get turned down based on his looks. Whine whine whine! First, if it takes you 20 minutes to read a profile then you have more serious issues than finding a partner. Second, not ALL women do that. Some do, some don't. I usually open all of my mail, however I don't reply to it all. If the message is good, I will. Most of the times, it's garbage. "do u lyke strapons?!" And nonsense like that. Women (or more so people in general) ask that people read the whole profile before contact because if we put the effort into it, it's for a reason. And cuts out perhaps a stupid question. Like, if someone messages me asking if I want a webcam slave I know they didn't read my profile. It's written for a reason people!
Another common thing I see is the purdy lil femme subs who have messages basically saying "Not allowed to talk to male doms" or "Owner reads all mail" or "If you want to contact me, message owner first." I just sort of laugh at those; it SCREAMS insecurity. Is the big bad master that afraid that some other master will steal her away? Or can the wittle slave not think for herself and know when to block someone? If there is trust in a relationship then such tactics, I feel, are not needed. There is nothing wrong with being friends with anyone (sub/dom/turkey/whatever) and if said "friend" crosses a line, the sub/slave should have enough IQ to know when to cut the person out.
I guess that's it for today. I'm not going to get into another rant about the truck load of so called "pro" ladies who throw around a bitchy attitude and assume that means it's worth paying for. Nor will I bitch about people who can't even bother to use proper grammar or spelling. Or the use of the stupid Y/you and W/we bullshit that BDSMers think is sooooo cool.
I will end by saying, whether you're looking for love, sex or a friend it doesn't hurt to put effort into a profile. Even if it sucks!
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Age is just a number. That's my usual stance. I do tend to be more attracted to people my own age but I don't rule out older people. The pluses to being with someone my own age are, of course, more chance of common interests. Of course they might be less likely to have kids. And they have the energy to keep up with me.
However, an older match would have more experience. Be stable in life. Hopefully not be a work-a-holic and have more free time. But, this does leave room to them not being able to keep up with me.
Tuesday, E texted me saying he was too pooped for Paddles this weekend. He's twice my age, still not 50 yet though but none the less, still older than me. The late nights get to him which is a bummer because I'm always ready to go. I was disappointed by the text but understood. Come Friday, he had his energy back and was ready to play. Ha! Might have taken him longer to recharge but luckily, he did in time. I was worried though this would be a dull weekend.
The might went as usual. I showed up with a lot of ideas in mind. I wanted to be bold and daring but in the end I'm just a meek gal at times. He was in a full latex body suit which was sort of amusing. Play went as usual, spanking and flogging and whippings. I wanted to be a bit on the bratty side to get him to be a bit more forceful but I wasn't too good at it.
He used the wonder wheel, as I like to call it, on me. You know, the wartenberg wheel. He has one with a pink handle just for me. Though he seemed to be trying to get it to puncture me; didn't work. Left some interesting marks though. Got my nipples played with though! That's rare, he's usually not a sensual/touchy feely type. He has his quirks, sometimes he can't even touch my breasts to take them out of the bra for needle play!
Speaking of that, this time we got to 62 needles; a new record! Thirty in each breast and one through each nipple. It has always been a goal of his to get a needle through my nips and I finally said yes; but it hurt like a bitch! I was so scared!
After that, we tried something new; face slapping. No one has ever slapped my face before so I let him try it on me. (We talked about it a lil via text message so it was on my mind.) It hurt, in an odd way. I don't know if I like it or not but I didn't dislike it. Then he wanted to try putting his fingers in my mouth. I've gone that before to tease a guy, suck on his finger as if it was a dick. I've also put my fingers in a guys mouth to make him suck it off. However, quirky E used gloves to be safe. I think he has something against germs.
The glove was nasty but after a while I got into it. He slapped my face at the same time, which was odd, I was always on guard waiting for the hit so it slightly interfered with me enjoying the fingers. Oh but it was hot. It turned me on a LOT and I usually don't get too turned on with this stuff. I have never mixed sex and BDSM before so this was the closest I've come.
After that it was another spanking, flogging, whipping session. But since I was so turned on it, everything felt like pleasure instead of pain. I felt like I'd cum right there almost. It was totally different than anything before!
However, in the end it was still just BDSM. The sex still wasn't totally there. In my mind I felt it but I don't know if he does. He doesn't touch, feel or do much of anything to turn me on; the only reason I was turned on because it was in my head. I really would like to try to mix more sex and sensuality into BDSM but I don't think E will be the one to do it with. I just don't think that's his thing.
Who knows. We're still making plans to play in private so I can top him which should be amusing. Gonna see if he can take all the pain he dishes out.
Until then, I'm still searching for more play partners and hopefully someone I can explore and take BDSM to that next, sexual level with. But that requires time and trust, not a lot of people seem to want to put that effort in. =\
And yes, I have had sex before so that's not what I'm saying. I've just never mixed BDSM and sex before. And since I'm not one for one night stands or fuck buddies, it's harder to find that bond with someone to take it to the next level with.
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Time to shower for Paddles, whee! I'm thinking of being bold tonight, gasp! Totally non-BDSM related; I got more DVDs in the mail! I got Sorcerer Hunters (an anime) in the box set, thin pack version. I already had the whole collection but this one came with the OVA. ANYWAY! If you're into BDSM you should watch it. Chocolate and Tira change into totally sexy dominatrix outfits; woot! I love Tira though. She's so shy and sweet and timid and then the glasses come off and she cracks her whip and punishes the bad guys; sounds like me. :3
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So far I've learned and tasted a few things in this BDSM world. I have yet to really have a good experience domming anyone. The guys I meet on line either flake out and disappear or never meet in person (despite claiming they want to) or they do meet me and then never talk to me again. Or the ones I do meet and it goes well, life throws curves balls that they're too busy to hang out again because schedule conflicts. Or, ones that can't handle going to Paddles with me. Then the ones at Paddles are usually not ones that I even like!
It's a shame that I can't explore my domme side much because the sub bois are such flakes. But I keep looking, trying to find one who could at least be a fun play partner.
Saturday was the usual. I got the text from E and headed to Paddles. It was all spanks and whips this time, he didn't bring the violet wand or any needles. Had a new whip and also some new toy with balls at the end. That hurt a lot. It was like being punched in the back.
The night was pretty placid and slow. I missed the wand or needles to change things up a bit and I had an urge to try my flogger out on someone but didn't find the right one. The woman from last week was there and remembered me and that she owed me a spanking. I was pretty nervous and had every right to be! Her hand hurt very badly, it was like a deadly weapon in its own right. She also used a couple of canes, I couldn't tell if they were a nice break from her hand or not. Though one time the slap felt more like a punch on my bum, in the end I was content and sore. I can see why the guys line up for her! It was also the first time I ever really let a woman touch me at all, made me even more nervous. But it was pretty hot as well.
One thing about E, he doesn't do any of this for the sexual aspect; he's a sadist. Though we did chat a bit and I knew he used to let women top him in the past but apparently he's still open to the idea. He just doesn't want to do it in Paddles because people tend to look down on a switch. I understand that, I know me being a switch might throw a wrench in things but I don't care. I go to Paddles open to either being on top or the bottom, depending on the person.
He said he'd let me top him, which was interesting. I'm not sure how that would be. I've never played dual rules for anyone. The person is either submissive and wants me to be the domme, or they want me to be the submissive to them. E is usually the one on top so me turning the tables could be interesting to see how it works. But it wouldn't be at Paddles.
In the end, the weekend was pretty normal. I need to meet some new people though! I do enjoy the stability I have at the moment but I would not mind meeting new people who will not flake out to have stability with them. Is it possible? I hope so.
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I know people in this sub-culture think a collar is the end all end all. Like people blab about "collaring ceremonies" and bullshit like that. I don't quite get it really, I've thought collars were cool way before this BDSM stuff. I don't see how it equates to a wedding ring though. Maybe one day I'll get it, I don't know. I wouldn't mind a dominant putting a collar on me, though in the end it's just a symbol.
Now of course, collars for play are very useful. Leashes, chains, all sorts of fun stuff can be used with one. Those I get!
I realized when I bought my collar and I was putting it on, someone had thought E had collared me. It was highly amusing since that's not his thing nor mine. But it made me wonder, as a wear this pretty collar for show and because I like it, are the rest of the BDSM people thinking that means I'm submissive and owned?
I wonder the more I walk around Paddles is that what they think. I'm a switch but I don't top many people at the club since not many guys there are my type. I'm usually seen getting beaten by E, I usually only show up when E is there and he always drives me home. I'm starting to wonder if people think I'm submissive owned by the dude which I'm not.
Last week after taking so much pain I heard things like "You got yourself a keeper there" said to E. And then the domme who I mentioned in my journal at one point offered to spank me but said if it's ok with who I'm with. I don't need to ask anyone permission to play! I am a single woman, not owned, not committed; it frustrated me a bit. I hope that me always hanging around E doesn't turn other people off from talking or playing with me.
I don't wear a collar because I'm "owned." I wear it because it looks nice and can be useful. I don't play and hang out with E because we're together, I do it because he's a nice play partner and then I always know I have something to do at Paddles. I know a collar or hanging out with a guy in this BDSM world must make people automatically think I'm taken or a sub which is frustrating. Maybe I need to venture to Paddles on my own and take my chances not finding someone to play with just to assert my single-ness.
Not that I'm against not being single, but that isn't an option right now.
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Why do I bother with this little journal? I don't really add any personal information. I usually just put my rantings or what I did BDSM-wise over the weekend. Not like I don't have other activities during the week but they're usually mundane. Oh I went to class. Oh I walked the dog. Oh I watched Sakura Wars. I guess I don't write about the mundane since I know no one cares. Not that they care about anything I add period, but hey, at least if it's something zesty it'd be worth the time to read. So enough with me analyzing things and onto my weekend!
I had a long weekend this time so I will try to cut out the frills. First, I'll give insight on how the planning for Paddles go. I have an open invite to any of my local friends to come with me, usually the people who are interested me from collarme and such to meet me. I get a bite every now and again but it's not something I rely on. What I do rely on is my friend, who I always talking about but never name. For the sake of not confusing him with other friends, I shall dub him E!
How it usually works with E is we exchange a text to see if Paddles is in the plan books. If he's up for going, if I'm up for going and which day. This weekend, I knew I wanted to go Saturday since I wanted to make the Paddles munch. He seemed into the idea but was also into the idea of Friday. After a lil back and forth and a phone call we decided to go BOTH days. So I was off to Paddles Friday night it seems. I missed the demo, but I didn't want to go anyway. Going two nights in a row would mean $20 thanks to the price hike so I wasn't going to add another $8 for the demo when they're usually boring.
Friday was average. Spanking, flogging, needles and the evil whip. Once again, it made me cry. It's really hard to deal with the whip, it stings like I don't know what. I've always seen whips and never knew the sort of damage they could cause. Friday was uneventful. Play, chatting and then go home.
Then comes Saturday. Things change! E texts me asking if I want to have a bite to eat before Paddles. Now, this is a shock! He has never asked this before, though I always left the hint I was open to the idea. However, doing this meant I would miss the munch. Tough choice. I decided to say yes to the invite since I had been wanting to do it for a while and didn't want to be rude to turn down this first offer.
It's always a little odd walking around with an older guy. He's twice my age and all. In Paddles it never seems odd since there are a lot more unusual things going on! However, everything was fine. We went to a Thai restaurant, ate and talked a lot. We walked around, went to The Leather Man and looked around. He bought a cane, I just worried how it was going to hurt. After more walking and talking we headed to Paddles for another night of pain.
Apparently I was missed at the munch, probably because I mentioned in the yahoo group that I would be going. I felt sort of bad, but I knew I made the right choice! E was super nice and paid my way into Paddles, which I wasn't expecting at all. Sometimes I wonder why he's so nice, probably because he ends up bruising me and sending me to tears. lmao
This night it was the usual; spanking, flogging, whip but no needles. Instead, it was the violet wand. Also tried out the new cane he bought, hurts like a bitch! We talked a lot more than usual since I was still sore from Friday he didn't want to wail into me super hard all night. Spoke to the locals as well, as usual. One lady was there working guys over. She had brutal hands; it was almost scary. She was friends with someone we were talking to so ended up talking to her as well.
I got into a pain rush for some reason, wanting more and more. It kept hurting a lot but I still wanted more. Hell, even she spanked me. But, it didn't hurt. Probably tired from all the other whacks, I was a little bratty and said "Is that it" so now she said she's gonna get me next week. It was pretty funny that's for sure. Either way, I had fun and only wished it didn't end. I just wanted so much pain that night for some reason. Dunno why.
But that's about it. I got my usual drive home from E and went along my merry way. Checked my back, all sorts of bruises as usual. On my breasts too, the needles leave black and blue marks. I had such a nice time Saturday though, it's been a while since anyone has taken me out like that. It was very refreshing to be away from BDSM and just...relax.
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Time to write about my BDSM adventure this weekend, as usually do.
First I visited Purple Passion to see what the store was like. A lot of clothes, not really a lot of stuff I was looking for. Their selection of toys was rather limited and disappointing. I ended up buying a flogger, purple at that, and left the store.
After that I went to Paddles and watched the demo. It was about tease and denial, nothing amazing, mostly common sense. Well, I mean, it's not that hard to tease a guy ya know? Mainly all she did was go over basic stuff and do a lil strip show thingie. Not a big whoop in my book, though she made one or two interesting points.
After that it was the usual stay and play. I bought a collar, a heart shaped paddle and another lil toy I don't even have a name for! After that my friend arrived and the evening begun. Funny thing happened, I was putting on my new collar because I liked it and someone asked my friend "Oh, you collared her?" LMAO Very funny. I know in this BDSM community mindset a collar equals a wedding ring or some crap, but sometimes people wear collars just because we like them! This one is cute, it has hearts on it. (You can see a picture of it in my pictures.) It has nothing to do with me being "owned" or any other nonsense.
So the night went on as usual. I got spanked and got whipped, first time to be whipped and it hurts! Then to the needles, did 40 of them this time. Some weird guy was watching us with the needles though, kind of odd. I bled this time! Usually I bleed just a little bit when the needled come out but this time it was dripping blood. My friend sort of freaked out but I love it. I like to bleed.
After that, the weird guy who was watching us approached me and wanted me to put needles through his balls. HUH?! I don't even know you! Plus, I don't know how to needle someone else, I've always been the pin cushion. Now, I do want to try needle play on another person but I'm not skilled enough to rush into doing it to someone's balls; so I turned him down. THEN he wanted me to do CBT on him...didn't want to but I said meh, why not.
Little itty bitty dick and big nasty balls. I slapped em around, squeezed him, made him yelp but it was pretty boring. The only amusement I got out of it was when I squeezed em REALLY hard, other than that it was repulsive to have to even touch him. Make matters worse, he tried to touch me! I had to slap his hand away after that. When it was done he then asks if I wanted to fist him. I promptly turned him down, yet he gave me his number anyway in case I change my mind; I won't. THEN he freaking comes back and asks if I'm into "pegging." After explaining that it means using a dildo/strapon on a guy he said if I am, I have his number. Totally fucked up. Needless to say I lost his number rather quickly.
The night ended with another spanking, flogging, whipping for me. All painful as usually, however, then came the final hits. That's usually when my friend gives a few last HARD hits for the road. However, this time, it was with the whip. I got lashed very hard against my ass and my back (which still has the mark to prove it) and broke down crying. Never once has any of this BDSM play brought me to tears until that point.
All in all, an interesting evening and now I have new toys. I do hope to raise my pain tolerance and take more and more. I like pain and even after it hurts, I enjoy the next day of looking at the bruises and remembering each lash and smack against my skin. I guess that makes me a pain slut? Who knows.
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I'm having a slight zest for trying small penis humilation. I think it'd be nice to have a long term sub/slave to do this with. Of course, not one expecting sex I hope. I like big dicks. Well...not sex in the traditional sense, nothing wrong with after taking away his masculinity by making fun of his small cock banging him up the butt!
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Wankers on CM are annoying. However, another annoying bunch are the fetish group, or as I might say a fetishist.
What is a fetishist? It's someone who has a fetish and SOLELY looks for people on CM to help with it. They usually list themselves as submissive but really aren't since all they want a dominant for is to help with their fetish; they usually seem to be men. The screen names are usually dead give-a-ways; straponforever39, cdlozer22, lickurfeet09, etc. (I just made those up, they don't reflect anyone on this site.) Usually rude, spamming any woman whose name is in red with a one sentence "do u like strapons" or something of the sort. Or, worse, they sound nice to hide the fact they want to use you for their own fetish.
Yes, I said use you. The woman (or man) doesn't really matter to them; it's if she will do the fetish in question. This is, of course, what a freaking pro-domme is for. The fetishist doesn't want a relationship, they just want their kink. So they can pay some broad in a dungeon to do it, get thier diaper fix or their piss fix; whatever it is that floats their boat. But then...why do they come to CM? To try to get it for free!
Of course within the bounds of a long term relationship be it dating, ownership or just play partners, fetishes get explored. But that takes work and perhaps dealing with the dominants desires as well. But Joe Blow just wants to get banged with a strap on! What is this nonsense about getting to know the person and wasting time with her pleasure?! PFFT
Maybe some women are into that, usually their the bitchy ones that demand you give them something; probably less expensive than a real pro-domme but she'll be your lil fantasy for a night or so. The real women who are perhaps looking for a bit more usually don't want to put up with that nonsense of JUST being a sex object so Joe Blow can get his cross dressing and diaper fix but he's really a jerk who lets people walk all over him and wouldn't know how to a treat a woman if Jesus H. Christ told him how to do it so instead he plays with freaking Legos.
Fetishes are great to have, we all usually have them. But if your SOLE purpose for being on a internet BDSM site is to get your rocks off and do your fetish for free then try not to bother the women who obviously are looking for more than what you can offer.
But then again, that would require you reading a person's profile which you most likely don't do which, in the end, leaves you among the rank of every other wanker.
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Expectations is a word I normally dislike. It means that when doing something you're expecting something else to happen and when it doesn't you get disappointed. Of course, even when you are just hopefully you can still be disappointed but it's not as harsh as when you expected it to happen instead. Makes sense? Who knows.
I met someone from CM Friday and dragged them to the munch. Yes, I met them in person! Just a note to people who contact me, my goal is to meet people! I say that because so many times people (who are local) message me with interest but never have the balls to actually meet. Or worse, they "want" to meet but are always "too busy." It's BS! If you want something just do it. I spoke this person less then a week and they were cool with meeting. Lucky me.
We went to the munch and then to Paddles to watch some demo. It was about master/slave relationships and was ok I guess. I can sum it up in pretty much one sentence "Every relationship is different." This dude talked about it from HIS point of view, which was interesting, but every relationship will differ depending on who is in it. He was an old gay dude who likes to bang younger boys and wants to be free to hump everything. I, personally, want commitment and love. Go figure.
After the demo it was play time, as usually. I didn't really play much with the person I met from CM. Tried a lil bit and then we walked around and talked. He seemed a bit more interested in social networking than anything else but then again, first visits to a BDSM club are usually spent watching things. I know I didn't play at all on my first visit so I let him enjoy the sights.
I played with my usual friend. Spanked, flogged, lovely violet want and a little bit of needles. All in all the pain I've come to eagerly look forward to. I also played with this nice guy from Virgina. He was very attractive. He wanted me to spank him, so I did, and he gave me a great butt massage. Such a turn on, I had almost forgotten how good it feels to be touched. Usually the spankings I get at Paddles aren't sensual so there isn't much touching but this simple butt rub, yay!
After that it was time to go home and that's about it. Also, I met up with someone else from CM earlier this week. A nice, very cute guy, from the UK. That was fun, mainly spanked him and got my feet kissed.
I think I might be getting better at giving spankings. Though for me, it's more enjoyable when I connect with the person. Even if it's just as small as finding them attractive; I'm more eager to touch their tush that way!
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I paid $20 tonight to get into Paddles because it was a special "slave auction and BBQ." I wouldn't have even gone but I got the text from my friend and headed out.
I have mixed feelings about tonight. My friend played with someone else. Now of course there is nothing wrong with that and I've seen it before, though usually on other males. But tonight it was another female. Even though I had no reason to I felt jealous. I didn't like having to share my friend, especially with another woman. I am prone to feeling jealous but I wasn't expecting it to happen in this situation, with a friend who I only run into maybe once a week and just to visit Paddles.
I did get to play though. I spanked some guy, ended up breaking my cane because of it. :( I need a new one! I got other offers to play but I was in a sour mood due to the jealous factor so I just turned those down. Plus, I never get asked by the cute guys! Huff!
I did play with my friend. Spanking, flogging and needles. Though only eight since the box was running on low (can't blame it, I had 50 in me last week.) Took a break and then more spanking and flogging. My back hurts!
All this BDSM play is like sex with no release. All the hot spankings and stuff and I get turned on...only to go home alone and perhaps end up masturbating. Oh well, I'm very picky who I share that part of me with so I'd rather wait for someone I feel comfortable with then just do it with anyone.
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I think one of my favorite parts of play are the bruises afterwards. I like to sit and look at the marks after the fact and remember the moment.
I went to Paddles Saturday since my friend sent me a text inviting me. I still have yet to find anyone decent on this site for play or anything long term. I've met nice conversations partners but that's all, quite sad.
But this person is someone I actually met at Paddles, we never talk on line and only really get together at the club. Not that I'm against just normally hanging out with the person but they never ask.
It was a usual visit; got spanked, violet wand play and needle play. The bruises in question were caused by the needles. I was hoping to run into a sub that I've played with a couple of times there but they didn't pop in that night. I was in the mood to abuse something.
All in all, a pretty average visit. I'm still trying to handle harsher spankings, it's an uphill battle. I would like to find some new people to hang out with there so if you're interested let me know.
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I have set my profile back to switch. I made two other profiles for my other sides. PrincesaAshley (the domme side) and Pretear (the submissive side) so hopfully now people can read more about me and know more about what I want that I couldn't fit in one profile.
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I HATE CROWDS! Agh. I went to Paddles last night and it was way uber crowded. They have AC but with so many bodies it was nearly impossible to tell any air was flowing at all. I went alone, I couldn't find a subby to escort me sadly. Thankfully, I ran into someone I know there. I spent the evening talking with him and got spanked. Plus, I dabbled in a bit of needle play. I let my arm be used since when he was trying for the nipples I really freaked out and couldn't handle it. Needle play was more fun then I thought it'd be though, sort of wonder what it would be like to try it on someone else now.
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This has to be the only site that makes me feel bad for being young. lol Everytime I see a red name (domme in other words) near my age (under 30) they're all bitchy and only want money. "You can be my slave if you pay me." It's really sad, I hope people don't think I'm that way just because I'm young too. Unlike so many other greedy young femmes on this site, I'm not into BDSM to get money. (And no, this isn't a pro domme rant. This is a greedy bitches rant. lol The ones that "act" dominant but just want money.)
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So I went to Paddles on Friday. They were having a demo about the "allure and lure of the dominant woman" so I thought it would be interesting and helpful. Boy was I wrong! It was more like a demo about how to be a feminist than how to be a good domme. I was a bit disappointed. I know some people are into "female supremacy" and such but that is just not my thing. Having a vagina does not make me better than anyone else. You know what does? My personality, my persona, everything that makes me ME. You want to serve me it is because I am just that damn good. ;)
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I updated my profile. Switched a few things around, hopefully put the most important info at the top. I know far too many idiots don't even bother reading profiles but I know the right person for me will be smart enough to read my profile. And I'm so tired of flakes on this site! Don't contact me if you're going to flake out on meeting. I'm looking for serious people.
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I am enjoying my Wii curently. Not much else to do.
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I'm a switch but I'm still learning. I'm so used to playing the sub I'm still growing and trying the dom side of me. It's not an easy path though.
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Age is just a number. There, I said it. I am not one to personally shun someone because of their age since every person is different. Usually though, age differences get in the way. It's just generally harder to have things in common with people in a different age range. Music, TV, hobbies... Of course I could perhaps find a very mature and stable guy who is in their 30's or 40's but if we have nothing in common then what's the point? A lot of the times I see a couple profile and it's like 19 and 43...and all I can wonder is "What do they have in common?" I also see a lot profiles where they have an age limit. Which is fine, but I'm not one to perhaps close all doors and miss something good, hence why I have no mail filters and I don't filter my searches (well, I don't look at profiles without pictures.) To me, I know I want someone close to my age for a relationship however, I am in no way closed to someone older/younger. They just have to stand out more than the rest. :p
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Saturday was fun. I met with a sub from this site and we hung out. Movie, dinner, window shopping, enjoying the city pretty much. I guess what you hardcore people would call a "vanilla" date. After that I did head to Paddles and took them with me. They enjoyed it, I enjoyed leading them around with a leash AND I got spanked. Not by the sub though, by someone there I knew from before. It even left bruises. All in all, it was a good day. Anyone else out there care to share a good day with me? lol
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I'm considering going to Paddles this Saturday (so long as no family issues pop up or they're not having some special event like last week) so this could be a rare chance to run into me.
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This little kitten is going to test the waters with my profile as a dominant and see if I get any different responses than as a switch. I will miss my name in pink but for now, I want to try this out.
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Thank you for adding me to your admire list. Now it'd be nice if you actually spoke to me. It's flattering to be admired but I'm guessing it's for a reason. Yet, only maybe three of people who added me have ever spoken to me. And as for adding me on your friends list I reject all offers. Unless I know you (speak to you and such) then we're not friends.
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You know...the more I live life the more I wonder what I want from it. I know where I want to end up but am unsure of the path to take there. I don't know, I'm just wondering. My goal is love, but it's a lofty goal to reach. There is nothing wrong with toying around until it is found, but toying around is just...agh I don't know. I don't know if I'm even expressing the ideas in my head correct due to lack of sleep. It's just something that has been on my mind for the past few weeks. I've been thinking a lot lately, a lot.
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If you're going to play with pretend cyber balls to send people rude messages, at least have the balls to not block people before they can reply to your "colorful" message. It makes you look like a coward ALONG with being an idiot for sending the message in the first place. ^_^
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I've decided to post here again. Though, as a twist, this post is actually about my life! I dislike journals since I always forget to update them; be it pen and paper, live journal or here...it's all the same. I use this lil journal just to rant about things when I'm bored. This entry is about my weekend, but will be very very compact since this doesn't seem to allow me paragraph breaks; or does it? Either way, I don't feel like going into grave detail.
Friday and Saturday I decided to get out of the house and try something new. I went to a local BDSM club to see what people do in real time and get away from the nonsense I read on this site.
Friday was boring. I felt awkward. 97% of the people were older than me. I had no one to talk to and it was just odd. I didn't think I'd go back again after that.
However, I changed my mind. Saturday I went to the munch thingie first and then the club. The munch was nice, talking to people (once again all older than me) on neutral ground. It's nice to see people have lives and hobbies outside of BDSM.
After that it was to the club, I went with someone from the lil meeting. It was nice since I had someone to talk with and all. To sum up the rest of the night: I saw a lot of things, learned things and tried things. It was eye opening and I felt much more at ease. It was nice to see that not everyone in this "lifestyle" are in it 24/7 and like me, other people don't quite fit the "mold" you'd think a BDSMer is supposed to fit.
Will I go back again? Perhaps, I'd like to talk more with the people I met and learn more. I like to learn in general so this BDSM is another token on my plate of things I'm interested in and enjoy learning about.
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Guess what; this is a BDSM site! Understand? Great. So, does that mean people only have one side to themselves? I browsed a thread on the forum which pretty much was "profiles that have no thought behind them and are only about BDSM aren't worth replying to" and, I'd have to agree. I mean, if you're looking for a quick bang or a quick fantasy played out then that makes sense. But if you want a long term connection and relationship isn't it good to tell prospective buyers you have more to offer than whips and chains? Maybe it's because of my own mindset and what I want, but I'd find it insanely boring if I could only connect with someone in one way. I don't think that just because this is a BDSM site it's asking too much to want to bond with someone on more levels than that. After all the whips and chains there comes talking and down time. But with nothing in common...then what?
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Pro Dommes and people wanting "tributes" are nothing more than prostitutes. Yes, that's what this entry is about. Now of course, there is a difference but not much. You might say "but there is no sex involved." BS, men don't go to a Pro-Domme for meaningful convos or a light spank or two. They go, and pay, because they find it SEXUAL appealing so even without the hardcore sex, there is still an element of sex. But, that's a business. Now the ones wanting "tributes" are even worse. More so like a gold digger trying to ring stupid men of their money. I saw a profile once here about a woman who wanted men to give her shoes. Lots of shoes. One chick on the forums actually asks for tributes JUST to meet her, that's right, not even anything happening. Why? To weed out bad encounters. So, being a greedy bitch changes things? Huh...? Why would someone PAY to just MEET you when they can at least pay a pro domme and get some jollies. But, being pro or asking for tribute is no different than a common street hooker. Stupid men who suck at relationships or are too lazy for them or have shitty relationships pay you to get their sexual jollies off and use you. It's your business, fine, whatever...but to me, it's nothing special. Just selling yourself, minus getting fucked. But, I'm sure as hell some of you "pro dommes" have sex with the guys too; even if you won't admit it.
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I just read a funny profile, a "Mistress" who's whole profile was nothing but hot air blowing how she's all that and you (ie people who read her profile) are only there to worship her and if you don't like it then fuck off. Now this idea is laughable alone but what made it REALLY funny was that she's trying to command respect...yet can't type or spell worth shit. wtf? XD Why would I want to give respect let alone give control to someone who's a fucking adult and can't even put the effort in typing "you" instead of "u." If you can't even put effort in small things then who says you can put effort where it counts in a relationship? I dunno, it happens a lot on this site (and of course everywhere on the net in general) chatspeak is just horrible and disgusting. Only thing to make this site worse than the rest of the net is those damn idiots with their lower case i and Y/you, W/we BS.
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Well, I was bored and boredom of course makes me do odd things. I spent some time flipping through profiles and noted something amusing. Well, I've noticed before but felt that I am now bored enough to write about it. I see a lot of profiles that mention the "bulk" folder and apparently that it's a "waste of time" to contact them because mail will be sent there. Huh? Now, I know first hand there are a lot of shitheads on this site but I find it rather pretentious to say so and so can't contact you because they're male or live in Singapore; whatever! It's totally cool to come here and know exactly what you're looking for but it's pretty stuck up to ignore all chat from a certain group because they don't fit what you want. Maybe they want to talk or be friends? Maybe they could offer amusing advice; who knows. I know I personally want to meet local people but I have no problem chatting with others, sometimes it proves to be very interesting. (Shout out to the people I enjoy talking to! :p) For such an interesting and open life style it's amazing how many people in it are so closed minded.
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Anyone in NYC want to hang out? Like, normal hanging out. Maybe a bar around St. Mark's place. Your treat? :p
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Just a small note I didn't feel like putting in my profile but maybe I will...who knows. You are more than welcome to message me privately if you see me in a chat room. I think the "ask in room first" is a BS rule. Especially since I don't pay attention the rooms; ever! Also, if I don't answer it means I'm afk. You can just send me a message via the site too; I always check those. Though I don't always reply. :p
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Small rant. Why do you people find it needed to type with like capital letters for words that don't need them? What, to make it bluntly obvious who is the dom or sub? I just read a post on the forum where the dude kept going with My when talking about himself and used she when talking about the sub, however at the begining of the sentence. I'm sorry but you're ruining the English language and making it hard to read your crap. Captial letters are for proper names/places, titles and the begining of a sentence; not because you think you're some hot shit master or mistress. I didn't know sub/slave training meant butchering the English language.
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Some times when I browse through this site I wonder "They can't be for real!" You know, when you see a girl who's picture is too pretty it makes you wonder. I'm not saying you have to be ugly to be into this style but when we're talking model quality pictures ESPECIALLY when the profile is damn near blank of any info...it makes me wonder. Oh well, I was going to write about something else, a bit more...deep and thoughtful but I just saw a profile that made me sort of sit here in disbelief. lol So yeah, I choose to rant instead. :p
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I've never been able to use the chat rooms on this site before, probably due to the shitty java. Well, after a lil forum search I found out I could connect via mIRC and I did just that. So I've been hanging around the rooms, watching but not talking (aka lurking) and seeing how it goes. Not a big deal, pity none of the chat rooms are for NORMAL conversation though. But the funniest part was the ones where people role play. Now I've been RPing just about ever since I had the net and over time I've developed into a fine RPer and it's one of my favorite hobbies. But I would never, EVER, RP with these losers. It's all one line crap, bad grammar and spelling and other horrible things. *grabs her hair and pulls her into the center of the room* No stop! *lays there* You like that bitch *rams cock into her dirty cunt* Oh Master it hurts so good! *fucks her harder and pulls her hair* And I'm like...wtf? You call that role playing? Seriously, how can anyone find that fun let alone get turned on by it? It reminds me of bad AOL RP...you know back in the day when everyone always asked "a/s/l" and shit. Seriously, it's pathetic. When I role play (and no, not sexual things, I RP because I like to write) it's paragraph RP. Full of detail, style and imagination. Like writing a book with someone else. Perhaps I'm too used to the good stuff, the good RP and forgot about the crappy excuse for role play some people waste their time doing on line. Ah well, it's still fun to laugh about.
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I updated my profile in an attempt to seem a bit more..."friendly" I guess. I can be a bitch but there is no point in coming off as one right off the bat. lol
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I want to be Daddy's little girl - Such has been the thought process I've had lately. My moods shift and swing. I get the mood to be dominant and others to just be cute and quiet. However, recently it's been the desire to be a daddy's girl. I do enjoy ageplay a lot and sometimes the inner desire to think about it just spikes more than others. I wonder if I can find anyone local who could help me with my current desire.
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Classes have started up again and I have been a bit caught with that. Other things have been on my mind and those things have nothing to do with this site. Pretty much have been lost in my own world of thoughts and haven't really felt like doing the things I usually do. The only thing that has kept my mind sane (so to speak) has been RPing. Yes, I do enjoy RPing (as mentioned in my profile) and none of it sexual. As nerdy as it sounds (and I doubt anyone will really understand what I mean) I've been busy RPing Marvel comics on the game I play. Why? It's fun and keeps my mind off the other crap I think about. I haven't really felt like talking much to anyone on AIM or MSN (hence my lack of being on MSN, sorry Katsu) and the best way to contact me at the moment is via phone. At the moment, I'm in Spanish class (the lab part) so I'm just bored and surfing the net. I might try to answer my mails now that I have a chance, I dunno. |
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I promise I'll make a real "holiday" update soon. I'm being lazy. lol But I wanted to post this video. It's all about me, for me and yes by someone on this site. He's such a good little puppy. http://youtube.com/watch?v=AvQIvWvUOxk
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No, I have not gotten around to replying back to any of the messages in my inbox. Sorry, I just hate doing it so ya gotta wait.
This entry is more so because I had something on my mind. I just woke up and I had a dream. It was about me being part of some kind of group. Like summer camp except not? I don't know. But there was someone I knew there, someone I used to be with. I know exactly who it is too, which is odd to remember a vivid detail like that. Anyway, this person was part of the group with me and I guess by the end this person was saying sorry to me for the past and wanted another chance. Shocking! And to celebrate we had soda from a hot dog cart since there was no champange around. lol
I don't know why I had this dream or why it was with that specific person...oh well. I'll have a real update talking about my birthday and the holidays later. I just had to get that off my mind.
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Minor entry. I cleaned out all of my messages. I replied to the ones I wanted to and deleted the rest. And, if you haven't noticed, sending me rude messages is a waste of your typing. They all get deleted and laughed at. :)
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Still filtering through my message, answering a few, laughing and deleting most. I'm posting since I got a rather funny one from a 56 year old man (yes, an old fart) who apparently has no manners. I guess age and brains don't always equal each other. Apparently "Poly is part of BDSM." Really? So to enjoy BDSM you have to be a loser who can't keep his cock to himself or a slut who can't keep her panties on? Amusing. I guess enjoying BDSM means you must be a slut, well ok. I guess since someone who is 56 said this it MUST be true, right? Of course. He was probably just jealous because he can't get it up anymore or upset about his small penis, I mean, it takes a very bitter person to message someone with the sole intent of being an ass hat.
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Thanksgiving was fun, spent it at my sister's house. Whole family thing, parents, her family and even her dad's family (brother and sister are from my mother's first marriage). Brother was there with his family as well. It was one of those moments when it's like "I wonder when I'll have a family and a nice house for these sort of things" and then mixed with "God I hate children." Both my mother and sister had thier first kids at 19 and I'm going to be 23 this year. I'm actually quite happy about that, there is no point to be tied down with a family at a young age. When you're young you usually don't know who or what you want, not the best conditions to be bringing another person into the world. Ok, after a little thought I had to edit this journal. Just because I said I don't want kids or to "settle down" that does not mean I'm against a long term relationship. It means not ready for marriage and family.
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I laugh, really. Out of all the perverted crap I get in my inbox I got an actually FUNNY one today. From a 38 year old man (or boy rather) who had his e-feelings so hurt he had to I don't know, make another account or something to message me something rude. It was very funny actually, you think someone of that age would have better things to do than sit behind a computer and pick internet fights. I guess being old and having a whip still won't make someone a man huh? Oh well, lucky for everyone else that means I'm actually looking through my messages again and replying to them! You may be lucky and get a message back this time guys, just maybe.
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As always I've neglected my PMs. Partly because they annoy me (I prefer IMs or phones) and partly because I just don't care.
This site is as useless as any other personal site on the net. No matter how "normal" or "alternative" people claim to be, everyone is human and as such prone to being assholes. The people here are no different.
But one keeps looking, even the most cynical keeps a tiny shred of hope.
But life goes on! My classes start up again soon. I don't like the idea but eh, whatever. It's something to do.
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Added new pictures of myself from my trip to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens today. Yeah, that's it.
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So, after being a member of this site for a while now I actually visited the forums. Yeah, I never paid attention to them before but I was curious today.
And wow, it reminds me why I hate forums and people in general. I can't even explain why it left a bad taste in my mouth...it just did.
I think one of the main things that annoyed me is what annoys me in all subcultures; the idea that you're better than someone else because you like such and such. I saw with goths, furries and now this. Like how people use the term vanilla like it's a plague. Of course, I love the kinky stuff but I'd never think I was better than someone else because of it.
Just makes me laugh.
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Oh what a Sunday. I choose to test this and spent the whole day on this site. That's right, all day. And, not shockingly, there are a lot of morons on this site. In what universe do you think it's a good idea to message a young women with sexual and/or offensive things? Just because it's a BDSM site doesn't mean it's ok to greet someone like that. I swear, just because we can't call the cops on you doesn't mean it's a good idea. I talked to about three sane people today; that's it.
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Ooooh, clap for me. I finally answered most of the messages in my in box and deleted ALL of the messages in my in box. Mind you, I usually read my messages but I never answer them. And I delete the pervs and the stupid people. The "Oh you have nice tits." or "You don't know what an older man can do for you." BS. FYI, I'm NOT just looking for sex, I actually could care less. I'm looking for someone I click with, who might also enjoy this part of sex. Oh, and btw. If an older man wants to "show me what he can do" he better be able to do something. I'm in the prime of my life and not looking for anyone without hair, who needs Viagra and who can't last in bed unless he's rich. :)
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As with most personal sites I'm finding this one to be a waste of time as well. The only positive thing to come from this place so far was running into an old friend...who I can't talk to because they have a super psycho bitch gf. Hopefully she'll die or he'll realize she's a moron ASAP. Until then, I have to deal with the other idiots on this site.
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| Age: 25 |
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Massachusetts |
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