Hmmm... guess it's been a while since I've checked in. Hello!

Sometimes people new to the r/t kink community are more enthusiastic than safety-conscious. WIIWD can attract kooks, and a picture of a beautiful woman on someone's profile may not prove anything. Please take every precaution when going to meet someone new.

Here is a concise list of safety precautions. See below for discussion.
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* Speak on the phone first.
* Trust any red flags that come up.
* See if you can get a phone reference or two.
* Plan to not play at the first meeting.
* Get a copy of passport, Drivers License, or other positive ID.
* Arrange a couple safe calls with someone you can trust to take action if necessary. (See below for more detail.)
* Meet only in public with people around.
* Park around the corner or in a big lot.
* Get away without explanation if your gut tells you to get out.
* And if all goes well, allow your new acquaintance to leave first.
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I think these precautions should be followed whether you're male or female, Dom or sub, meeting a male or female. You might have your own reasons for truncating them; I'm only using about half of them with my new acquaintance. But think twice if someone balks at using them.

I've been talking with someone I met over the Internet and am now arranging to meet in person. I proposed a bigger public venue than was originally suggested and he actually got a little irritated. It occurred to me that although hundreds of people routinely use safety precautions, folks who haven't been exposed to the r/t community much before may not know anything about them.

At least I didn't ask for a copy of his Drivers License! That's a precaution I took when I flew into Canada to meet the submissive I had for five years.

What else can you do to keep yourself safe?
 
I think it's important to speak on the phone before meeting; the voice can reveal much about a person. Pay attention to any uncomfortable but seemingly irrational feeling you may have. Trust yourself. But is that enough? No.

If the person is involved in their local kink community, you can probably get a reference or two. Call them or have them call you. Email is nothing but a bunch of electrons. I have nine email accounts; they're not that hard to set up. Talk to a real live person on the phone.

If you can't get a reference from another kinkster, personal references from friends are even better... hey, they're trusting you not to mention kink. Don't betray their trust. "I met someone through the Internet and was just wondering if they are who they say they are."

Don't plan to play at the first meeting. There is always another opportunity and I would be concerned if someone tried to pressure me into going somewhere to play.

Arrange a couple safe calls, maybe an hour after you meet and then again somewhat later. This is an arrangement you make ahead of time with a trusted friend. You tell them where you're going to be and with whom, and if you don't call them at the specified time, they call the police. BDSM never even has to be mentioned--it's adequate to tell the police a person was going to be with someone they met over the Internet and they haven't made contact as agreed.

I also include a code term of alarm. I mean, really... if some maniac is standing over you with a knife, are you really going to try to tell your friend you're in trouble?? If I mention anything about the weather, anything at all, that means GET THE COPS OVER HERE NOW!!

It's super important that your friend understand they really do have to contact the authorities if you don't call. If you simply forgot to make your safe call, OK, it may be a little embarassing to explain the situation to the police. But if you're really in danger, it might save your life.

I give all the identity information I have on the person I'm meeting to my friend, so it will be easier to locate me if need be.

It's also important to tell the person you're meeting that you have to make these calls, and when. Not only might it have a deterrent effect, but the person you're meeting can help you remember to call at the appropriate time.

I don't like to meet somewhere that makes it easy for the person I'm meeting to see my car or to follow me to it. I let them leave first. If I have to read a magazine or shop until they leave, I do it. If necessary, I explain it's part of my safety protocol.

Please, please trust your gut reaction. If you feel you should get away, don't explain. Excuse yourself to use the restroom and just duck out.

You'll hear many stories about how people didn't use any safety precautions and everything went swimingly. Great. But these precautions are commonly used and you should think twice about meeting someone who balks at them. Why take a chance of being that 1-in-1000 statistic?

Play safe!

Always remember that you are unique - just like everyone else. -- MW