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I am a submissive single man in Dallas looking for a dominant woman to serve. I have a few years experience with prior girlfriends but still exploring and open to new interests. I am more on the sensual, submission side than pain oriented and believe strongly in serving the desires of a strong woman. On the outside I am normal, clean cut, disease and drug free, athletic, enjoy traveling and successful in my career.

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3/31/2013 7:30:44 PM

Clearly these goals are in conflict and more often than not, in the passion of making love, it is the primal instincts which win out. He doesn’t mean to be this way, but he is. Only you can change this by taking control of the situation and ensuring that his ejaculation takes place at a suitable time.

As we have seen it is the attention to the females needs that have made sex a thoroughly enjoyable activity for both man and woman. Thus you must train your husband that sex is for your benefit, not his. It is not the case that he is no longer to be allowed to enjoy sex. On the contrary, you will find that under the new arrangement he will be more excited and satisfied than ever. It is simply that men want to please women in bed and that when sex is directed at your satisfaction, your husband will inevitably be satisfied as well. His satisfaction may take new and varied forms, but he will definitely increase his satisfaction level along with yours.

The arrangement you want to establish as a couple is simply this: intimate activities happen when you, the wife, want them to happen and how you want them to happen. You do not have sex simply because your husband is aroused. You engage in intimate activity when you are in the mood for it and you decide the type of activity that you are in the mood for. Both man & wife acknowledge that the wifes satisfaction and pleasure are paramount. The satisfaction that he gains from your sessions will be in direct proportion to the pleasure you experience.

Its important to understand that at this point we are speaking about a broad range of intimate activity, which will include but is not limited to traditional sexual intercourse. Take for example a situation where you might like a long slow body massage with hot oil. This would be considered by many including this writer as an intimate activity. A massage of this type might well lead to a sexual interlude of some sort, but it is crucial to understand that it need not do so unless you wish it. In many cases perhaps you would like to simply drift off into sleep at the conclusion of such an activity. Too many women would be afraid to have their husband give them such=2 0a massage on a regular basis because they would then feel obligated to allow the husband to turn the activity into sexual intercourse irregardless of their desire at the time. Under this program you will make such decisions based on your own particular feelings.

As we move forward in this particular part of the discussion, consider the following excerpt from Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partner Sex by Betty Dodson Ph.D.
The Myth of Foreplay

It’s totally understandable why heterosexual men and women want to climax from penis/vagina sex - how convenient, how easy, and how wonderful to have partner sex be consistently and mutually orgasmic. However, if Romeo’s firm penis moving sweetly inside Juliet’s wet vagina provides orgasms for nearly every man and a mere handful of women, what are we going to do about the majority of women who cannot climax from vaginal penetration alone? We can broaden our definition of partner sex to include some form of direct stimulation of a woman’s clitoris either manually or with a vibrator during heterosexual lovemaking.

Let’s start with the concept of foreplay. Women’s magazines as well as many sex books emphasize the importance of “foreplay” for couples. We are told that women want more of it and men don’t do enough of it. It’s been my observation that a little appetizer of kissing, breast fondling, and clitoral touching before the main course of penetration is seldom enough to satisfy the sexual appetite of most red-blooded women. Just as she is getting excited from some20form of direct clitoral contact, he stops and penetrates her vagina. While he is enjoying his ideal erotic sensation with his penis moving inside her, she is now struggling to get a little indirect clitoral contact, which for most women can’t compare to consistent clitoral stimulation all the way to orgasm.

Imagine a man being told he can rub his penis inside a woman’s vagina as foreplay, but when it’s time for his orgasm, she must be sitting on his face penetrating his mouth with her clitoris. This will give him a “mature oral orgasm.” He must not reach down and touch his penis while she’s fucking him in the mouth or she’ll think her clitoris isn’t big enough to provide his orgasm. To protect her female ego, he ends up faking orgasm, but he figures it’s worth it to keep the peace. Later on he can masturbate in the bathroom, or if she’s a sound sleeper, he can finish himself off in bed providing he can come while holding his breath and not moving so as not to wake her.

Instead of using the word “foreplay,” we need to think of a new term to use, such as “sexplay.” Most women desire clitoral pleasure in the beginning of, during, and sometimes even after partner sex, if she wants to come again.

As Ms. Dodson illustrates there is more to sex than simply the penetration of the vagina with the penis. Penetrative intercourse does not have to be the omnipresent main course of a couples sex life. A sexual experience need not consist of a series of brief appetizers followed by the sexual main course of intercourse. In fact each pleasurable activity is in itself worthy of being a main course. There are times when one enjoys a 5 course meal but very often a single course meal will also suffice. You should feel free to choose such a single course from the entire smorgasbord of sexual & intimate activity available to you.


3/31/2013 7:23:42 PM

Rediscovering sensuality

So as discussed above, you can now view any intimate activity as an end in itself, not necessarily to be coupled with sexual intercourse as its logical endpoint. As you explore this concept you will no doubt discover your husbands eagerness to participate in any number of intimate or personal activities. Lets remember too that intimate times are not solely restricted by activities that involve the removal of ones clothing.

Here are a few suggestions that you might want to explore with your husband.

Ever just want to talk, take him shopping with you, take quiet walks together, share special moments, or just hold hands? a wife asks. Now you will have the tools to make it happen. How about a good, old-fashioned necking session on the couch like when you were teenagers? Kissing games? The list is limited only by your imagination.

A great number of wives report being able to interest their husbands in assisting with their beautification and grooming regimens. Their husbands gladly, even eagerly assist in giving the wife a bath, toweling her off, shaving her legs, combing her hair, giving her a pedicure or similar grooming activities. They enjoy these activities in part because they know they are pleasing their wives, but they also perceive in part that they are preparing their wives, making them more attractive and desirable for themselves. Have you ever had your husband trim or shave your pubic hair? What about his? In preparation for social activity, think about having your husband assist you with your lingerie, helping you put your nylons on or helping with other articles of clothing. By accenting the sensuality of these activities it is possible to create a certain level of stimulation while also benefiting from your husbands attention.

The concept we are developing is not that these are favors your husband does for which you pay with sex. Rather these activities are an end in themselves and it is you who are doing your husband the favor by allowing him proximity to your highly desirable self. A byproduct might certainly be that these attentions might tend to put you in the mood for intimate activity, but that must be a case by case decision with no automatic link to be construed.

Putting theory into action

Let us now turn to specific practical advice. Following is a suggested approach designed to bring both of you into a comfort zone wherein the certainty of sex and ejaculation is replaced with an ongoing erotic aura. You will most likely achieve positive results following these steps as described but you should also feel free to adapt them to20your own particular circumstances. For example, some couples may be comfortable enough jumping in at a particular stage or be willing to skip steps, others may want to linger at each step or even add their own variations to the process. As long as you end up at the same destination, your route is not overly important.

As we consider how to implement our new philosophy, a great many wives would interject that sex with their husbands always ends in intercourse and ejaculation. How does one move away from that habit to this new paradigm? First, as we have seen and as the following passage indicates, immediate ejaculation is not the all-encompassing essential goal for men despite what most women might believe. Second, as with most aspects of human behaviour the answer is to take a gradual approach.

Learning how to lengthen the arousal and erection period while delaying orgasm is an important part of maximizing enjoyment from sex. As the erection proceeds, the physical sensations become increasingly more and more exciting, and the psychological pressure to ejaculate becomes more and more intense. The trick is to lean to keep the stimulation just below the level required for ejaculation while learning to deal with the increasing psychological pressure to ejaculate. Like driving a racing car closer and closer to a wall at ever high speeds, the psychological pleasure becomes more and more intense, the longer the arousal can be maintained without ejaculation, but the greater the enjoyment for the man. Furthermore, the longer this stage can be maintained, the more powerful and enjoyable the orgasm will be for the man. Thus, developing skills for doing this and dealing with the psychological desire to ejaculate for as long as possible are essential for
the full enjoyment of partner (and solo) sex, and this is what requires practice. Women usually require a somewhat longer period of time to become fully aroused, so being able to delay orgasm potentially increases the enjoyment of sex by both partners.

Many women believe that men are happier the more frequently they can have intercourse. This is not really accurate. What men truly enjoy is being aroused with their partner (and as their partner is also aroused) while both remain in an aroused state for a long period of time, delaying orgasm for as long as is comfortable and possible.

Understanding Male Sexuality by David Sebringsil.

The first step in this evolution is to establish in both your mind and your husbands mind the link between his ejaculation and your consent. As the Lady who is courted, it is very important to your husband to please you. As we have also seen, undergoing a trial or challenge for that purpose is stimulating to the male and is as time-honored and established as the behaviour of the mediwith more involved lifestyles, possibly with children) who might be having sex 1 or 2 times a week could start with a bi-weekly orgasm. Wherever you start, you will need to gradually start increasing the length of time between orgasms until you reach the point of maximum effectiveness. This will be the
point at which the caring and romance start to turn towards irritation and negative behaviour. When you see this type of behaviour developing, you should back off the length slightly and use this as your guidepost going forward. Timeframes that couples use can vary from 14 - 21 days to as much as 90 days or longer. Typically 30 days is not unusual for couples in their 30s or 40s. As in all we have discussed previously, be prepared to listen to your husbands feedback, both verbal and non-verbal to guide you to the best balance.

Once you reach this stage and settle in at an appropriate level all you need do is maintain this level as you move forward. It should be obvious that implied in this program will be the fact that you should be setting a scheduled day for the next ejaculation in advance. This may well be as simple as deciding that the first Saturday of the20month is your preferred day or may involve a more elaborate scheduling mechanism. In any case, the request/consent mechanism we have discussed should remain in place throughout. To keep things interesting, the next date should only be known by you. This will keep up the suspense and maintain your husbands attentiveness. As such, spot decisions during your love making sessions are not recommended. You will invariably be distracted by your own sensations and find it difficult to make such decisions. Therefore it is highly recommended that you make your schedule at some prior moment and then stick to it. Some degree of
variation of the date can also be used to maintain a healthy degree of anticipation for you both.

As you become more comfortable with the cycle you can even experiment with changing the scheduled date based on your husbands performance. Consider awarding bonus points for exceptional performance by your husband. These can be used to shorten the interval till the next ejaculation date. On the flip side deduct points for undesirable behavior on your husbands part. These negative points will lengthen the cycle. This type of carrot & stick approach can add a whole new level of playfulness to the program.

Similar philosophies

No doubt those of you who have some familiarity with the wide world of sexual practices will note a similarity to Tantric Sexual practice in our program. One of the practices of Tantra does in fact include the concept of the male withholding his ejaculation.


3/31/2013 7:21:37 PM

Summary

Now that you have read through this material, take some time to think it over and discuss it with your husband. If he is the one who has pointed you to this article, you have a leg up on implementing the program since he will most likely be very agreeable. If you have discovered this material on your own or through the intercession of a friend it is probably a good idea to ask your husband to read it through also.

If you are like most women, you will certainly have read or seen other material which discusses romance and marriage. While there may have been some variety in what you might have found, undoubtedly one of the main pieces of advice to rekindle romance will recommend that you try and get away for a romantic dinner or weekend alone with your husband. This fantasy island scenario presumes that a brief dose of romance will suffice to counterbalance the tedium that will resume on your return to normal life. Those who have tried these types of outings will no doubt affirm that they enjoyed the outings but that upon their return to normal life, the benefit dissipated fairly quickly. Now having20read the wisdom in these pages, the answer should be apparent. These outings while enjoyable, do not in themselves address the fundamental issue. They still proceed under the assumption that the romance has been won. So in effect, trying to emulate activities from your
courting days while enjoyable in themselves, does not address the fundamental problem of romance. This is a little like a football player being asked to don his old uniform and replay the moments from the big game or asking the hunter to take out his rifle and re-stalk the moose head hanging on his basement wall. There will certainly be some joy for the person in retelling the story or reliving the moments, but these will pale compared to the original activity and quickly fade with repeated telling.

The beauty of this program is that it does not involve a brief departure into a fantasy world and return to ones everyday life. This will become your everyday life and of course that is the key. As such it does not require any special preparations, does not require any travel, does not require any reservations and coincidentally is a lot less expensive. You should still have your special outings together but in the context of your new relationship program. So while I join with my colleagues in recommending such activities for their own sake, I also caution you not to expect any permanent improvements in your relationship based solely on such outings.

My final advice, is to remember that this path is for you to20travel jointly. As I have emphasized throughout, discuss this article, your thoughts, your plans with your partner. Communication is one of the most basic foundations of a good relationship. Take a gradual approach to the changes suggested here. When you are comfortable with one stage, move to another. Remember you have the rest of your lives together. As you move through this program you will find that your husbands desire to please you will naturally spread to other areas of your relationship. You will find that he consults you more on financial decisions, on balancing work and family, even on his choice of friends. Everything will change for the better if you lay the foundation correctly.

When you practice the philosophies laid out in this article, you are happier and your husband is happier. Your husband is happier because he is a hero. He comes to your rescue by his continual romantic pursuit, by doing the things you need and by satisfying you sexually. You are happier because you are now an object of worship, you have someone to talk to and to do the things you desire and because you are finally enjoying sex with your husband.

Indulge your wildest fantasies. As the Lady of the house set yourself upon a pedestal and let your knight pursue you romantically throughout the days and weeks. It’s amazing how many aspects of your life your new relationship will touch.

Addendum

Mechanical assistance

Hopefully both you and your husband having read and put into practice the preceding material have seen the benefits of this approach. Unfortunately, due to the weakness of the human spirit problems may develop. The basic premise as we have seen involves the woman rationing the ejaculations of her husband. It is quite possible that a situation may develop wherein the husband decides to ejaculate of his own accord. I am speaking of course of solo masturbation.

Without wanting to shock my female readers, I feel constrained to inform you that all men masturbate. Let me repeat that for those not paying attention ALL men masturbate. The timing and frequency may be at issue but not the basic fact. Most men masturbate on a daily basis. If you think your man is different try this little test. Ask him out of the blue some day or quiet evening if he masturbates. Inevitably the response will consist of flustering and stuttering, red faces and finally a denial. But if you have been married to him for a while, youll see right through the denial.

Wives whose husbands are participating in this program will of course not want their men to masturbate because it would defeat the purpose of the program. Interestingly enough, husbands will not want to masturbate either, because this will also ruin the program for them. However, the flesh can be weak and it is difficult to overcome a lifetime of habit. Therefore I recommend that wives should do all they can to ensure that their husbands do not in fact succumb to this temptation. So what can be done?

It is not really practical to monitor your man constantly including when he showers and uses the toilet so alternatives should be explored. I submit that that wives should consider the option of a chastity device that can be locked on the genitals to help keep idle hands from play. While this may sound a little too kinky to some, these devices are very popular and amazing mainstream items.

This isn’t as kinky as it sounds

Considering our goals, using a device of this type can be a source of additional spice in the relationship we are creating. People being what they are, in a situation where one person gives physical control of his sex organs to someone else, the arousal usually becomes extremely intense. The partner who wears the chastity device has given the partner who has the “key” the ability to decide when sex can take place. Since our goal is rationed ejaculation and these devices effectively prevent masturbation, it means that our program becomes that much more effective while providing an extra mental level of constant titillation. This can be a great deal of fun for both people. When you hear that click as the lock closes, and you both realize that you are holding the key, this will provide a mental rush for both parties.

As with all else in this article, I recommend discussing and exploring this option with your husband. Should you jointly decide that you are interested in pursuing this course I would advise you to start with the device called a CB-6000. This is an inexpensive, adjustable, comfortable device with a fair degree of security and can be worn for long periods undetected under clothing once the wearer becomes accustomed to it.

Even if you dont feel concerned with the thought of masturbation, such a device is a wonderful addition to your relationship. When he is wearing a chastity device and you are holding the key, you have just magnified the amount of his attention on you! Every day that goes by as the testosterone level increases he will love you for taking control of his orgasms and you will love the new man in your life. Remind him often that you have the key the one and only key to his sexual release.


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hornygirl4u
 
 Age: 28
  Alabama