Seems I need to clarify some stuff. If You, a Dom/Master, contact me and we engage, please understand that we are in a trial period - getting to know each other. Yes, I will happily submit immediately to some requests - call You Master (as an honorific), call myself "it" or "bitch", perhaps even "slave", if You wish. I will happily send naughty photos of myself. I will tell You about my current life. But it will take some time before I'm ready to reveal my drivers-license identity - name, exact location, etc. And, no, I will not shave, wear a pink locked collar into my local Walmart, or write "slave of Dom xxx" in permanent marker on my face or my thigh or my cock. When we're starting out, You may well be a True Master, but I am not yet Yours. Some Doms/Masters understand this. But many don't. And if You don't automatically, instinctively "get" this, then we are really not suited to engage.

My curiosity and affinity are growing - at least in the abstract. Would I consider yielding to them? I'm not sure yet. As I read some profiles here on collarme, I find some of my previous notions challenged. I'm rethinking, adjusting, regretting, expanding, extrapolating, interpolating. I'm trying to figure out what my urges are about - sex, submission, pain. How those play off each other in my head, heart, cock, balls. Maybe there's something else I'm not seeing yet.

As my libido has been on its deathbed these last few years, I’ve been doing a retrospective mental tour of my sexual life. I’ve realized and finally fully accepted that I am gender/genital indifferent and really always have been, my being raised in a hetero-normative (Is that a word?) environment notwithstanding. But that’s another journal. This one is about orgasms.

I had orgasms while coupling with women (not many) until I was 22 years old. Then they stopped (the orgasms with women, not my relationships with women). Since then (I’m 64 now), I’ve only had one orgasm while with another person. (She was a true love about 15 years ago. I masturbated beside her.) I’ve struggled with being ashamed of my inability versus just being embarrassed. (Shame vs embarrassment - another important distinction I hope to write about.)

This past week, I finally figured it out. Well, sorta. Orgasms are deeply personal to me, and PRIVATE! I can’t share one with you, even if we’re soulmates/lovers/fwb. It goes beyond intimacy, love, commitment. I still masturbate, but only a couple times a month now, on average. When I cum, I want to be alone. My orgasm is mine, alone!

But now I’m confused. Submitting to a Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress must also mean submitting my PRIVATE orgasms to Him/Her. That excites me, thrills me, and terrifies me. I’ve got some more thinking to do.

My primary profile photo depicts the fascinating legend of Aristotle and Phyllis. I hope all hetero/bi Dominant Women and submissive men will enjoy it.

Alexander the Great as a young man was tutored and mentored by the great Greek philosopher Aristotle. Phyllis was Alexander's mistress (or perhaps his wife). Aristotle demanded that Alexander abstain from sex with Phyllis, as it was interfering with the young man's studies. When told of this, Phyllis became upset (duh), and decided to exact revenge by seducing Aristotle. This (of course) was an easy conquest, and soon Aristotle was begging for her sexual favors. According to one story Phyllis replied, "This I will certainly not do, unless I see a sign of love, lest you be testing me. Therefore, come to my chamber crawling on hand and foot, in order to carry me like a horse. Then I'll know that you aren't deluding me." Aristotle - enamored, beguiled, and beaten - did as she commanded. The story goes on that she rode on his back, him on hands & knees, around the courtyard.

There's a more detailed version of the story here, with more artwork:

http://www.jehsmith.com/1/2013/04/phyllis-rides-aristotle.html

Thanks to CollarMe user Waiting123 for directing me to the story and photo. If you are a Dominant Woman seeking a submissive male (and this story piques your interest), may I respectfully recommend that you review his profile.