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New username: KhaosWolfKat
Note: I am no longer a slave, so this username is misleading. CM does not allow you to change your username, and I do not want to lose all my journal, group and other entries so I am keeping this account as well as creating a new account. I am a free woman and will relate to others as such.
Please use my new username, KhaosWolfKat, to contact me or to view my full profile. Thanks.
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Note: the date changed to 11/27/2021, because I edited a username out. The entry was originally added in 2007, or possibly 2008.
Another "interesting" email on here...
So, here this girl is, going through her CM emails, when she finds this mail in her inbox from a self indentified male dominant:
"pardonnez moi? so when u meet others who dont agree with your quasi new age wicca beliefs or whateve nonsense, u call up the thought police and have them sent to a camp for re educaton?"
She has NO CLUE what brought this on, or what the person is talking about, but, seeing as how it is her place to be as pleasing as possible to the free and apologize and/or seek clarification when she has offended or displeased a free person, she penned (well... typed) a response apologizing and begging forgiveness and such.. and explained that she does not begrudge others their beliefs and all.. went to send it and discovered that the user has blocked her.
So.. Apparently, he sent that email and immediately blocked this girl.
Her question is.. Why!? WTF is the point of something like that?
Not to mention that she cannot fathom what prompted him to send that mail in the first place! She has re-read her profile and journal entries multiple times and cannot for the life of her find anything that she believes could reasonably lead someone to believe that she would have a problem with anyone who doesn't agree with her beliefs.
Not that she really is expecting to get answers from posting this here, but she figured that since she couldn't reply to him directly to get some answers, or at least "closure", she would get it by venting a little here! LOL.
As a side note, this girl is pretty sure that this post is not going against the rule about "criticism of other users" seeing as how she is not criticizing him, but rather, reporting facts and questioning his actions because she does not understand.
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For your viewing entertainment.. the latest unexplicable mail from a CM member.. This one from BitchBoss1976
"You are one ugly crazy ass whore who needs that fat cut right off of
her and the cigiar shoved right up your ass. Hope your owner is raping
you every fucking night of the week..."
And, of course, as usual, it was completely uncolicited.
Apparently, he had nothing better to do.. or perhaps it simply pleased him to do so. Who is this girl to gainsay the will of the free?
Here is what she replied to him.. since she thinks some may get a kick out of it...
"Greetings Master,
This girl is sorry you feel that way.
Is there any reason you felt compelled to send such an abusive and nasty email to a complete stranger?
A girl does have her own thoughts about why people do such things, but she wouldn't want to make any assumptions.
In order to assist you in finding the right slave for you and your
wife, so those who are looking for someone just like you can easily
find you, this girl will post your lovely message to her in her
journal.
She hopes it is helpful.
Good luck,
~ Khaos
La kajira, Owl's"
Khaos is amused! LOL!
**Please
note that this girl is NOT criticizing this other user, as that would
be against the rules... She is only reporting the facts.
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Well. I figured I should post a follow-up to my last post...
I was finally able to talk to Master and explain my plight in a way that seemed to make more sense to him.
We
seem to have been able to come to come understandings and he has agreed
to at least try to be more forthcoming with his expectations for me and
to specifically TELL me if he is displeased with me, rather than
leaving me to wonder.
I still have not begged punishment for
my unacceptable behavior and, since it is his custom to wait until his
girls have begged for it to administer punishments, I have not received
any.
I know I need to do so. I tell myself that I am simply
waiting for an appropriate time, which is *partly* true, but I know it
is also simply that I am putting it off because I fear the lash.
I
know that I will feel "better" (for lack of a more apt word) after it
is dealt with. I always do. I hate carrying around the burden of having
been displeasing, but it is always so hard to come and beg for
something that much of me really doesn't WANT! I want to be expunged,
but I don't want the pain that comes with it.
I know that it completely ridiculous and impossible, but I am just saying what I *feel*. Feelings are rarely logical.
I know I will eventually get around to it, whether driven my my sense of honor or by misery.
I
wish I could say for certain that I would go to him at the first
appropriate opportunity and beg for what is coming to me. That would be
the honorable thing and the right thing, but there is weakness in me
that often causes me to wait until I can no longer stand it.. Until the
pain of the slave whip is overshadowed by the pain of disgrace and the
desire to just get it over with.
It is a despicable weakness and it disgusts me, but obviously it doesn't yet disgust me enough to change it.
I want to tell myself that it is simply human, but I don't know for certain if that is so.
I need to work more on that aspect of my character.
In
almost all other things, it can be truthfully said of me that I do what
needs done simply because it needs done, regardless of my personal
feelings about it or personal loss to me.
I'm not sure what makes this different.
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I imagine I'll probably be chastised by some for making this entry, and to tell the truth, a part of me welcomes it. At least it will be someone enforcing the expectations of my station on me.
Must a girl hold the keys to her own collar? Must she control her chains?
Oh sure, I technically don't know where the key to the physical collar I wear is, but what good is that when it's presence no longer serves to remind me of my status or that I am subject to discipline?
What is the point of even bothering to behave as befits my station if no one enforces it?
Is it truly the slave who fails by becoming haughty and lax in her duties if her master lets her do so?
Is it not the nature of a woman to get away with whatever she can?
Or, for that matter.. the nature of all beings?
I don't want to pretend!
If I am truly a slave, then I should not have to be solely responsible for keeping myself in check. If that is my responsibility, then I am free, with a piece of expensive, locking jewelry on my neck.
And if that is the case, why bother?
Why defer and be respectful to people I could really care less about personally if the only consequence is knowing that they are displeased.
True, I care very much about displeasing certain people.. those who have my true respect, rather than my courtesy and deference because they are free and it is my place to do so, but I am caring less and less about adhering to my station lately.
I addressed my master very casually in response to being told(asked, really) to do something and started to correct myself.. He laughed, to which I said, loudly enough for many others at the event we were attending, "it's not like you're going to DO anything about it", over my shoulder as I flounced off.
Nothing.
Later on, I was sent to get a pop for him and, when I went to simply hand it to him, I was given a "look" and he didn't take it until I knelt and served it (sort of) properly.
The serve was sloppy and very informal.
I *thought* it meant that he was going to reassert his authority, but it seemed to be an isolated incident.
I have tried being more and more deferential and it has little to no effect.
So lately I have been less so, to the point of bordering on rude, even by free standards, let alone kajira standards. He doesn't seem to care.
Oh yeah.. He looks irritated when I am rude or snippy, but he doesn't SAY anything... much less do anything about it.
And the less authority he exercises, the more petty I feel like being.
I've been bitching and sniping and nagging over the smallest, most inane shit and I hate myself for it a lot of times, but I just feel like I'm going to explode or something.
It has gotten to the point that a part of me wishes that he would just slap the shit out of me next time I mouth off, order me to my belly and then take the slave whip to me until I literally can't fight or scream or even cry anymore.
I HATE that thing (the slave whip) and I am DEFINITELY not a masochist! And I am sure that I would totally be taking back saying that after the first lash, in the moment, but really, I've been getting away with murder and I don't like it!
I feel like I'm in this horrible limbo where I'm not free, but not really slave either.
Chat room role players treat me more as a slave lately than my own master.
I've even been tempted more and more lately to go ahead and try a little role play "serving" and such, just because it seems like maybe it would be better than nothing.
I am forbidden to role play, and even if I weren't, I completely abhor the thought! I have never done RP (other than actual RP GAMES, playing a character with a specific object of the game and all) and never had any desire to.
But now....?
It seems pretty pathetic to me that someone who is owned in real life and never has done the "online lifestyle" thing is turning to online to try and get these needs met.
But really... is it a need?
I don't know if I really want to be subject to all free if the one who enslaved me in the first place doesn't care.
I didn't want to be a slave before.
I had occasional fantasies about it when I was a free woman, but I always came to the conclusion that I could never completely had my life over to another.. that I could not be happy with no rights and subject completely to the will of someone else.
Then Master came along..
He was man enough to master me without even trying to. He made me WANT to submit fully to him. We had been companioned not even quite a year when I begged his collar. It was some months and several times asking him again before he granted it.
He fully awakened the slave within me.. he turned me into a slave. He unleashed facets of me that I never knew existed, opened up emotional pathways that scared the hell out of me, but it was okay for me to become more emotional, more sensitive, to cry more easily...
It was safe, because he was Master. Because of submitting to him and allowing my slavery to blossom, I became more eager to be pleasing, to the point that simply knowing that I had been displeasing to a free person.. any free person would have me fighting back tears, often unsuccessfully. It has made me softer... in many ways, weaker.
Now all these things are awakened in me and I have little to no outlet for it except the stupid computer. I didn't give up my freedom, my hard edge, my rights, to submit to people online!
I have thought about just begging release, but I think I am ruined for freedom.
I love him though. I am committed to him for life. Period. It isn't like I could just go find myself another master and be happy.
And I AM happy still part of the time, but the slave part of me is miserable.
I don't want to manipulate him or goad him into punishing me, because that is just bitchy and petty AND it still puts me in control! But gods! What do I DO!?
I'm just at a loss.
Maybe someone will alert him to this post and he'll be moved to pity and will do something about this. Or even pissed off at me enough to punish me for publicly dishonoring him or whatever.. Not that I believe anyone can dishonor someone else.. Maybe I've just shown what a piece of shit excuse for a slave I really am by posting this for all to see.
I kind of don't care.
I guess that says it all right there, doesn't it.
So, feel free to flame me, to tell me how ashamed I should be and what a wannabe I am.
It's true... These days, I AM a wannabe slave.
I admit it. I am no slave. I am simply a girl strutting around wearing a collar and pretending.
There. I said it.
I wonder how may lists I'm going to be kicked off of now. I do care about that some.
I care a little that I am a failure.
Not enough I guess though.
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Because of life circumstances recently, I find myself in a place where I have not had much at all in the way of opportunities to serve as the slave that I am, and it is taking a toll on me. That said, I have changed my profile to reflect that I am currently seeking Masters/Mistresses to whom I may be of service in some way, be it serving food and drinks at a gathering, attending the master or mistress on an outing or such, submitting as a playtoy or perhaps receiving additional training.
Please understand that I am NOT seeking a new owner.. but simply opportunities to serve more than I have been lately.
Of course, my master has the final say regarding who and how I may serve, but he is pretty flexible as long as his property is not harmed and his few, simple rules are followed.
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Just a quick note for those of you who keep in contact with me via this site.. Master and I will be out of town at a lifestyle event from later today (Monday, Aug 28th) til Tuesday, Sep 5th, so if you email me during that time, I'll get back to you when I can after we get back!
Have a safe and fun Labor Day everyone! |
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Here's a slice of entertainment for all!
Now, it may just be that I'm kinda twisted, but I find it highly amusing when someone makes a jackass of themselves in an attempt to bait or insult me. And here is a perfect example!
It seems that a member here who shall remain unnamed, lest I be found guilty of "criticizing another member", took exception to my journal entry regarding slaves getting on high horses and trying to dictate to other slaves where they have no business doing so, IMO. Now, I suppose I may be at least coming close to being guilty of the same thing by spouting off what *I* think another slave has any business doing, but I fully admit that. And I have to say, I'm NOT going and emailing slaves or ordering them around in chat to try and force my opinions on them. I'm just stating a general opinion.
So, anyway, this member emails me out of the blue after apparently skimming that journal entry and deciding for herself what it said, since it clearly didn't say what she thought it did. Ya gotta wonder about people who have nothing better to do than send bitchy emails to strangers! Then again, maybe one could wonder about whether I have anything better to do than journal it or reply to them, but what can I say, I was curious initially about why she emailed me in the first place. Then my perverse sense of humor kicked in when she replied.
I know.. I'm terribly easily amused, but hey, it’s better than getting mad about it! Besides, maybe someone else will get a laugh or 2 as well.
Here's the entire "conversation". Pretty darn funny!
I'm sure she'll appreciate my posting this so she can make a public ass of herself too!
To the girl in question: You're welcome... any time! LOL!
In the words of Bugs Bunny, "What a maroon!"
From: *unnamed person calling oneself slave*
Dated: 8/26/06 5:33 PM
Free do not get involved in the squabbles of slaves..so dont expect many free to come to your rescue when another slave is being bitchy to you!
To: *unnamed person calling oneself slave*
Dated: 8/26/06 6:30 PM
>>Free do not get involved in the squabbles of slaves..so dont expect many free to come to your rescue when another slave is being bitchy to you! >>
Yeah, No kidding. What in the world is your point? Is there a reason you chose to email me with that little gem? Do I even know you?
I honestly can't imagine what brought that on.
~ Khaos
Owl's
From: *unnamed person calling oneself slave*
Dated: 8/26/06 7:34 PM
Well after reading your journal and complaining about how the free didn't jump into save your tubby ass I felt it was needed :)....Do you by any chance role play on AOL? you're a rude girl..you know that? ...:)
To: *unnamed person calling oneself slave*
Dated: 8/26/06 9:17 PM
Hmm.. *I'm* rude??
That's pretty funny coming from someone who sent an unsolicited rude email in the first place, then responded to the polite reply with name calling and insults.
Lets see....
1. You obviously didn't actually READ the journal entry, as I at no time complained about anything the free were or weren't doing. I took issue with slaves trying to dictate to other slaves when it isn't their place.
2. The free in the situation I specifically referenced actually DID discipline the girl in question, as she was arguing with *their* decisions and displeasing them, so, in effect, they *did* "jump in and save my tubby ass", as you so succinctly put it.
3. No. I don't role play anywhere. At all. I'm too busy with real life to play at it.
4. Be careful about with whom you engage in wordsmithing contests. You appear to be ill equipped for such things.
Rude indeed!
Perhaps you are the girl I referred to and you are feeling sour grapes?
Either way it's no skin off my arse.
Good luck in whatever it is you seek,
~ Khaos
Owl's
From: *unnamed person calling oneself slave*
Dated: 8/26/06 11:28 PM
1. You basically stated, that the free in the room got in between the squabbles of slaves by even correcting her...hell had it been my Master he would have laughed with amusement and seen what "his girl" had in her.
2. Why are you even telling a slave your Masters orders? It does not have anything to do with them there for it isn't their business in the first place. Secondly! It is common knowledge in Gor, and if you would like some quotes I will be glad to find them. There was a part in the books where a slave basically said she was reserved to her Master...and there were two..or maybe one Master around her...and they looked around and said...well I dont see your Master here now , there for stating as clear as possible ... when your Master is not around...you are to do as those around your are told... following your Masters orders when he's not around and ignoring the will of another free who is ..is NOT gorean..its D/s.
3. Are you attempting to insult me by saying you are real life, like that is supposed to degrade me? News flash. I am VERY real life with my Master he's sitting right beside me eating fish sticks and telling me when I am done I need to clean the room...seeing as over hte past few days its been hectic..with us moving!
4. You should not be so offended when people write you. Have you taken a look in the mirror? you should be THANKFUL for someone taking the time to write you...
By the way I like your hair color in the picture you have your hair braided, what color dye did you use?
Slave girl, *unnamed person* :)
To: *unnamed person calling oneself slave*
Dated: 8/27/06 2:52 AM
I suppose I'll just reply to this a bit at a time.
I happen to have nothing better to do at the moment.
>>>
1. You basically stated, that the free in the room got in between the squabbles of slaves by even correcting her...
>>>
I stated no such thing. Actually, there was no "squabble", per se. That would have required 2 people arguing. As it was, I stated my Master's rules, the free present decided that those rules would supercede the chat room norm. The other slave decided to keep harrasing me and arguing with the free's decisions til they got sick of it.
>>>
hell had it been my Master he would have laughed with amusement and seen what "his girl" had in her.
>>>
If that is how your master gets his jollies, more power to him. Personally, I don't see the value in setting prople against one another for entertainment, but that's just me.
>>>
2. Why are you even telling a slave your Masters orders? It does not have anything to do with them there for it isn't their business in the first place.
>>>.
Hmmm.. Which leads me to wonder what on Earth leads you to believe that it is your business. But, no matter, I'm feeling particularly benevolent. By the by, I was telling the free.. The slave was just butting in. Funny coincidence, no?
>>>
Secondly! It is common knowledge in Gor, and if you would like some quotes I will be glad to find them. There was a part in the books where a slave basically said she was reserved to her Master...and there were two..or maybe one Master around her...and they looked around and said...well I dont see your Master here now , there for stating as clear as possible ... when your Master is not around...you are to do as those around your are told... following your Masters orders when he's not around and ignoring the will of another free who is ..is NOT gorean..its D/s.
>>>>
In point of fact, you are mistaken. Just because it happened in the storyline on occasion doesn't make it "the way to be Gorean". A slave's first responsibility when it comes to obedience is to her owner. I'm sure your master would be delighted to know that you only feel it necessary to obey his orders when he is there to enforce them.
>>>
3. Are you attempting to insult me by saying you are real life, like that is supposed to degrade me?
>>>
How to you get an attempted insult from my stating that I don't role play and am too busy with real life for such games? Do you assume that just because you demean and insult that everyone else must be doing the same? I stated a fact. If that makes you feel degraded, I'm afraid I can't help you.
>>>
News flash. I am VERY real life with my Master he's sitting right beside me eating fish sticks and telling me when I am done I need to clean the room...seeing as over hte past few days its been hectic..with us moving!
>>>>
Lovely for you. What's your point?
>>>
4. You should not be so offended when people write you. Have you taken a look in the mirror? you should be THANKFUL for someone taking the time to write you...
>>>
ROFL!!! Now THAT is freaking hilarious! Let's see.. I should be thankful that someone takes the time to attempt to insult and demean me? Don't get me wrong.. I appreciate your concern, but don't worry about me dearie.. I get plenty of attention, most of it positive. SO kind of you to take the time out of your busy day to write me. Hehe.
Oh yes... To answer your question.. Yes, I look in the mirror regularly. I rather like what I see.
>>
By the way I like your hair color in the picture you have your hair braided, what color dye did you use?
>>
I don't recall.
I answered your questions.. Perhaps you will be so kind as to answer mine.
Are you that terribly insecure? Is being petty and catty the only way you feel better about yourself? That's certainly how it comes off. Perhaps some of that is simply the ignorance of youth. I wasn't a particularly nice person at 18 either. I hope you outgrow these traits or you will only become more miserable as you get older.
Again, good luck in your quest, whatever it is.
~ Khaos
Owl's bemused property
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I'm a branded girl now. I was branded on August 15th with a "kef". I have a lot more info and pictures and stuff up on the web but I can't put the url in the journal, as per the riles of CM, so if anyone wants to see it, you can message me on here and I'll give it to you.
Just thought I'd post something here about it. |
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Warning ~ RANT!
(to the free... please understand that this is a journal entry, where Master has given his slave permission to speak freely)
I am so sick and tired of hearing how I (or someone else) is "not a
slave", a "slave wannabe", "subbie brat/princess" or any similar
garbage just because a Master chooses to handle his property
differently than someone else!!! And when it is another slave doing
it.. Well, IMO, if anyone in that situation is "not a slave" it would
be the one on her high horse trying to dictate to another things that
are the province of the free!!
The other day, I had to deal with another SLAVE in a chat room here trying to order me around and tell me that if I was a slave, then my nick
should read "khaos{O}" instead of "OwlsKajiraKhaos" and who would NOT
leave me the hell alone and stop ORDERING ME to change my name even
after being told repeatedly that I was following my Master's orders,
by me and the free present AND being called down and TOLD by 2
separate free that she was out of line and being displeasing! She
finally got kicked out of the channel, but GEEZ!!
SO-called slaves with attitude trying to order people around (I'm not
talking about first girls acting under the direction of the free
here!) and override the decisions of the FREE really piss me the f**k
off!
I mean, correct me if I'm wrong here, but I thought the free were in
charge???
And it's usually those same high and mighty, full of attitude little
bitches who have the unmitigated GALL to call OTHERS "not a slave"!!!!
If I recall, the books were just FULL of examples of that type
getting knocked down several pegs... Usually involving the whip, or
better still, a switch in the hands of the slave(s) that they were
lording it all over.
Oh, to be granted switch rights over a lot of these little know it
alls!
Okay.. I'm done. I don't rant publicly often, but once in a while
it's needed, I think.
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Geeez!! I really wish people would actually READ profiles rather than just looking at a picture before they send a message. Or, for that matter, pay closer attention to nicknames.
I keep getting people asking if I am owned or wanting to know if I can relocate to them, which I just don't understand, cause my profile SAYS that I am owned and the "willing to relocate" box is UNCHECKED!
Not to mention the fact that my userID on here makes it pretty obvious (I thought) that I am owned. Oh well. I will still reply politely to these people, being mindful of my station. If they're free, then I can't really do anything about it. But I CAN vent here, since Master said I could speak relatively freely in the "journal" section on here.
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Something I just don't get is why some poeple come onto a site for meeting people and waste their time sending harrassing/insultive emails to poeple they don't even know for no apparent reason. I mean... Honestly, are they SO completely devoid of any redeeming value that such things are their only hope of some semblance of a social life? That is truly sad and utterly pathetic! I just registered here yesterday to go read a forum someone recommended to me, and already I have some 30 emails (I WILL reply to all of them, so if you sent one and haven't heard from me yet, please be patient), almost all of them very complimentary. A bit shocking to get THAT many hits so soon, but hey.. I'm not complaining! Then, out of the blue, comes this message from a member (can't put here who it was.. cause I think that would qualify as "criticism of another member) who has nothing better to say than,
"you mean heavy weight, thunder thighs, giant boobs & butt!
tons of fun! big momma! big bertha! one of those names is more like it! "
I'm not kidding! That was the entirety of the email! LOL!
And the guy is advertising for a slave!
Heh! that kind of attitude will really attract the cream of the crop, huh?
Now, realistically, I'm a slave and he is free... So he can call me whatever he wants and I answer to it... because to do less than that would be to disgrace my Master, but geez! WHY go out of your way to send an email to a stranger just to be insulting?
I just don't understand!
Oh well.. It takes all kinds, I guess. |
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| Age: 29 |
| Ozone Park,
New York |
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