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I am not what appears to be a typical sub
I have a mind and voice of my own. I am respectful, and believe that is a necessary and mutual ingredient in a relationship, of any kind.
I am definitely a sub, His sub, not a slave. I'm old school, where honor, respect, integrity and honesty are not negotiable qualities. If you don't possess them, pass me by. Submissive, yes. Stupid, no. I don't submit to just any man, I surrender to my man. If that statement is offensive or out of your realm of comprehension, please just move on.
There are many facets to me. I am imperfect, and I'm ok with that. I will challenge you, mentally, emotionally and physically. I need you to be just as challenging.
I believe that in order to be ready for someone else to come into your life, you must be content with yourself...
If you are looking for someone to come into your life and complete you, you will always be empty and emotionally adrift...
Be responsible for your own happiness,
so that others may bask in your aura and wish to be near you...
I believe in Love, Honor, Respect and Loyalty
I love to be in the presence of people who have that spark in their eyes.. Who have the life force running through them.. who are passionate and express from the heart.. In general, I am a lover of Life..
I am a simple, complex, relaxed, loving, loyal person..
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I've been having a lot of trouble with the mail here. If I've failed to reply it isn't out of inconsideration or rudeness. |
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did you think I was a city
big enough for a weekend getaway
i am the town surrounding it
the one you've never heard of
but always pass through
there are no neon lights here
no skyscrapers or statues
but there is thunder
for i make bridges tremble
i am not street meat
i am homemade jam
thick enough to cut
the sweetest thing
your lips will touch
i am not police sirens
i am the crackle of a fireplace
i'd burn you
And you still couldn't take your eyes off me
cause i'd look so beautiful doing it
you'd blush
i am not a hotel room
i am home
i am not the whiskey you want
i am the water you need
don't come here with expectations
and try to make a vacation out of me
~rupi kaur |
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More than a little under the weather, please don't be offended if I don't respond right away. |
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"Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness."
Bertrand Russell |
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i found this many years ago and it is something i share whenever possible. Every single point below has such strong resonance with me. i hope you enjoy it as much as i do.
February 23, 2015: Just a short note to say that I like to think that Jade would be so happy to have known how this writing is having such an impact and helping so many people in our kink community. If you wish to share, please do so, but PLEASE ensure that she as the author is noted. Thank you Jade! :)
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written by: Jade Richardson, 1997 (may she rest in peace)
We often confuse these two things: I WANT and I NEED. Although they may seem to be the same at first glance, there is a huge difference in the two. We want a lot of things in life; money, new cars, a beautiful home, success, and hot fudge sundaes, just to name a few. But how many of them do we really need? Very often the things we want are not always things that are the best for us and are usually self-indulgent wishes that change as fast as the top ten hits on VH1. "Needs" are a different situation. They are the fundamentals we require to remain mentally and physically healthy and allow us to grow spiritually and emotionally. I may really want a hot fudge sundae but survive quite well without it. But, I cannot thrive without my basic needs being met.
We've had many encounters with unhappy submissives who bemoan the fact their Dominant does not give them what they need. As we listen to the list of complaints, we sometimes find a lot of "wants" mixed in with a few valid "needs" in the charges against their Dominant. Sorting them out isn't always easy for either the submissive or Dominant in a relationship. Each person is unique and comes with their own special requirements. Without a doubt, this is one area that requires communication skills and time before either party can confidently determine what they want or need from the other. The Submissive Owner's Manual may help you to understand some of the complexities of the Dominant/submissive relationship.
Submissive Owner's Manual
I need to feel safe
Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You, I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am
I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits
I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent
I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience, but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits
I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me
I need to learn, and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals
Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction, I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected
I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction, I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.
I need You to be my role-model
I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image, so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as You face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance
I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself
I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings, there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes
I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure, but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You
Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You, and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute
I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes
Without experiencing and enjoying my successes, I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.
I need to share with You
Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings, but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership
No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it. |
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Sometimes, standing still is soooo hard
But I believe it's worth it |
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It's so incredibly liberating when you're finally able to let go of things you've held onto for too long. |
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I don't know that I have ever heard it put better than this..
�
The scariest word of all in an age which has been based in an illusory idea of freedom, is the word "slave". Being a slave means to have no say in your own life, to be bullied and pushed around, made to do horrible things for no compensation, receiving not even any thanks. You are but an animal, not even owning yourself, completely subjected to the will of others. Right?
�
Wrong!
�
A slave - in our context here - is someone who's embracing her own nature without trepidation. A slave is someone whose love runs so deep the she is lost to the world. A slave is someone who needs a partner who's able to recognize this deep wish to be owned, to surrender everything that you are into the hands of another in utter devotion - because without being able to do this, the slave's heart will know no real peace. Only more or less medication based tranquility.
�
Sure enough, you can live an entire lifetime without ever understanding what's "wrong" with you and why you can't find the same happiness in the little things of everyday life that most everyone else seems to find, but you just can't. There's a fire. A yearning. Something that even if you can find some words to describe, you know that you can't talk with anyone about - because it's so wrong. So you learn to live with a secret. You learn to lie. And to take what little tidbits of joy that you can, if and when they present themselves.
How can a woman be loved like that by a man? Will he not be frightened by the sheer intensity of it and run away? Yes he will. In most cases. In most cases, a man just wants a pretty little wifey whom he can dote on and play house with. He doesn't want that primal fire. He doesn't want that devotion. He wouldn't know what to do with it. He strongly believes that we're all created equal and that the presence of any desires outside of the doll-house of family and work is just plain crazy.
�
Most men aren't very passionate.
�
They can't deal with a woman who's got fire in her heart. They get angry and accuse her of being crazy. Why can't she just accept that life isn't all that great? Most days are gray and boring. Most sex is dull and uninspiring. Show some responsibility, you ungrateful harlot! Have you not been granted a house to live in and a credit card to buy you all the glamorous things that a silly woman needs? Show some understanding. Show some respect. A man needs to work with his career. He needs that support. He needs your services, not your passion.
�
The heart of a slave is very much like the heart of a nun. They both seek something out of this world. They both need to love with a passion that's unrestrained. They both need that purity. Whereas a nun seeks to sublimate her sexuality into chaste faith, a slave seeks to immerse herself in the fire, to lose herself in passion and fury. She needs someone who sees her like that.
�
Someone who's tuned in to her melody. Someone who understand why she'd rather have pain inflicted on her than live in a dream world of unbearable lightness and fake plastic smiles. She needs a man who knows how and why to make her scream, sigh, moan, whimper, cry - and finally float away into a sacred realm of her own where she can turn her heart inside out and feel that her existence has a deeper meaning than just fluff and glossy magazines. She needs to be loved. She needs to be seen. Accepted. Caressed. Held tightly within an embrace which is as real and unflinching as death itself.
Sure enough, she can learn how to play the game and live a life with the safety of an opium dream. She can get medication. She can learn how to forget about passion. But she can't fly with wings that have been clipped. She can't sing from inside of a cage, no matter how golden.
�
So how can a slave's heart not be submissive?
�
We are not talking about a work horse now. Great injustice is being done to many who are seeking to exist within the world of BDSM. An image of someone meek and subservient is being peddled by those who should never call themselves masters of anything of this world, much less the passion of a woman. This art which we do isn't about subjugation, it's about allowance. Freedom, for real. Allowance to fly, to sing. Liberty to exist on your entire spectrum of physical, mental and emotional energy.
�
A slave's heart is much more greedy than it is submissive.
�
There's a ravenous hunger. A fire. A nuclear meltdown that is threatening to explode into furious tantrums from hell if denied any proper outlet. She craves the pain just so that she can feel and know that there is something equally ravenous and fierce on the outside of her skin, that she isn't alone in feeling like she does. She's an ocean which is seeking a cliffy coast to splash up against. And when she finds it, she will - for most women who has a slave's heart are quite smart - do anything it takes to facilitate and nurture that zone in a parallel but separate reality which allows her to fully and truly exist; with all her heart, body and mind.
�
So, I ask you, what is submission in this picture?� Is it the meek who shall inherit this earth? Is it the mild and maternal kindness of a gentle heart? Is it a wish to serve?
Verily, I say unto you, it is none of those things.
�
A slave is first and foremost a slave to the passion. Next, to the person who allows it to be, who understands that she needs to feel all those things, to have that fire burning bright, day and night. In order to have someone like that in her life, she will be "submissive" - but not really. You might as well say she's being smart. She wants to bedazzle that man to such an extent that he completely forgets that there are other things in this world but her. She wants him to be her fireplace. She wants him to stay warm. She wants him to be more proud of her than he could ever be of himself.
�
The next question is, of course, who can own a slave?
�
I don't believe it possible to relate to a slave heart unless you have one yourself. It's a question of being able to understand the mechanics of passion. It's a question of recognition, of seeing yourself reflected in the other - just like in a magic mirror. But at the same time, you're not really seeing your "self"; it's more like your justification and reason for being what you are; freed from the shackles of social convention, political correctness, and the stifling demands from friends and family that you should fulfill their expectations and wear a mask to their liking.
�
Having a slave heart means, as mentioned, first and foremost, that you are a slave to the passion. You don't love the same way that other people do. You would rather slit your own throat than live in the typical environment of bourgeois "marriage" where the act of building and maintaining a false public fa�ade is more important than the truth that burns in your soul. Yes you can and you will - of course - adapt a form of respectable normalcy when moving around in a public space, but you cannot truly live without your counterpart, your owned and your owner, the person with whom you're sharing that which is most sacred to you.
�
So who can own a slave?
�
Only someone who understands the abysmal responsibility of this. Only someone who really and truly; intuitively, emotionally, and cognitively; understands that this ownership is a two-way road of no going back, ever, whatsoever.
There can be no secrets, much less any lies. No mal aria of things that aren't spoken of, no uncomfortable issues that are kept in a closet; past, present, or future. You both need to be beloved to each other at a level that transcends all fear and hesitation. No other place in this world of human life will you find such love, adoration, pride and open communication as between a slave and her owner. This is not a myth, although it has been mythologized.
�
This is the reality of the slave's heart.
�
So speak not to me of submission. Speak not to me of how you can have your slut kneel before you and swallow your cock until her eyes bulge before she begs you for the privilege of licking your cum off the floor. Why, because I'll laugh at you. What of it? None of that is worth a rat's fart if she doesn't tremble just from looking into your eyes... nor you shake with the desire to own that fire, to make sure it will always burn brightly like a shooting star on the dark firmament of human folly.
�
This is no game. This is the elite division of human desire and satisfaction. This is utter mystery - while at the same time being the most natural thing that you can do. This is the stuff that earthquakes are made of. This is the fury that volcanoes burn with. This is the earth and the wind; the rain, the thunder, and all things that are alive. You say you are dominant? Don't make me laugh. You cannot dominate this force, you can only acquiesce, ride the torrential wave of that tsunami on a shaky little surf board of good fortune and intelligent maneuverings.
�
Do not tell me how you are an accomplished slut who can take pain and long term bondage sessions. Do not tell me about needles and knives, asphyxiation and the enigma of enemas. Rather, tell me how it feels. Tell me the truth. Tell me what makes your blood flow and why. Tell me what you dream at night. Tell me why you breathe. Then breathe for me. Sigh for me. Cry for me. Show me your soul. Scream for me. Beg for me. Spread your legs as wide open as you can for me. Cum for me. Then cum again. And again. Until you faint. Until you shake. Until you lose your ability to do anything but sob for me.
Because I want to hold you. I want to own you. I want to see you more naked than you would dare be even before the eyes of God. I want to know you. I want to taste your blood. I want your pussy to rub against every square inch of my body. I want to shove my cock so far down your throat that you gag and choke and long strands of saliva is following it when I finally pull it back out again. I want your eyes to water until that cheap whore mascara that you put on to please me is running down your cheeks in black stripes. Then I will kiss you and tell you the utmost truth that anyone can know in this universe: That i love you. That you are mine. And that I will not let you go, ever.
�
�
�
Posted with permission by the author, Maxriboss. |
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I ran across this. Felt it might be a good read & perhaps reminder for some who forget to do what they can.
This is how you lose her.
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.
You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her. |
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So You think You'd like to take on a really smart submissive? Are You up for it? Are You sure? Are You the Man for the job? Let's look at this.
A really smart woman who also happens to crave submitting to her Dom (or being a slave to her Master) can be a bit of a challenge to handle. She certainly doesn't mean to be, it's just how she's wired. She is probably in a position of power in her career where she's used to taking charge, giving orders, making sure things are done just so. She's used to assessing a situation, analyzing the problems presented and coming up with a satisfactory solution to getting the job done. She has a talent for seeing through the bullshit and getting to the heart of the matter.
Carry this over into her D/s relationship This smart woman will see right through the wannabe Dom. She has no patience for posers and impostors, she wants the real thing. She doesn't suffer fools gladly, she likes smart, educated Men. She needs them. A wannabe dom will never get a handle on her, will never be able to control her, she will never respect him as she is able to see through his bluster and posturing. She recognizes someone who has learned to say all the right words and go through all the right motions but it's all an act. She knows it. She won't waste her time on these men. They will fall by the wayside.
So this narrows her options considerably. Only a really smart, naturally wired Dominant will do.
Oh, did You think the Dom made all the choices here? Oh hell no! Here's the thing, she's not the only one under consideration here. The Dom is too. She has expectations, needs and desires as does He. She has a set of requirements, as yet unspoken, that she will judge Him by. He will either measure up or He won't and she'll deal with that reality as it comes. But she will not settle.
So let's say that she meets this Dom who fits all her requirements... He is smart, educated, witty, charming and most importantly a natural Alpha male. Is He up to the challenge of her? If He is used to more passive women He will certainly have his job cut out for Him and He may just want to move it along. However, if this is a scary smart (dare i say "geeky smart") Dominant who thrives on a challenge then this thing just might work.
Be warned, she will not submit easily even though this is what she most desires. This Dom will have to be able to see inside her mind, slowly and carefully reaching in there and grasping control without her realizing it. Most do not realize the importance of mental domination and most are not capable of achieving it with the smart sub. It is a subtle and difficult thing to accomplish for the best of Doms. They have to be laser sharp, extremely observant, patient and masters of the mind fuck. This girl can see a mind fuck coming a mile away so for Him to achieve it with her is an amazing thing. If You want a smart subbie to respect You, get a good mind fuck in. Don't let her see it coming, just go for it, spin her brain into chaos and bring her to her knees before she realizes what has happened. She will be stunned and speechless in the aftermath of it but she will also respect and admire any Man that can pull that over on her. This is a Man up to the challenge.
He must be patient and methodical in his approach to her. He must appreciate and value her intelligence and not be intimidated by it. He must continually try to improve Himself as her Master to be able to stay on top of her (pun not intended but hey, i'll take it). He must be consistent with his discipline and punishment, unflappable under the most trying of circumstances (and believe me, she'll "try" You without meaning to, it's her nature). He must clearly state His intentions and needs, His "rules" if i may, and He'd better remember what He told this smart sub because she will remember everything He has said.
If this describes You dear Sirs, then perhaps You are up to the challenge. I guarantee You that if this sub is Yours, You will achieve a happiness and contentment that You did not realize possible. When this girl finds You worthy and submits to You and You alone, You will indeed be in possession of the rarest of treasures. She won't be easily won but she will be worth the effort should You succeed. She will give You her all, heart, soul and body, completely. You will never want for more.
Borrowed from a beautiful soul... |
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There's little more disappointing than someone that can't admit when they've screwed up. Oh, except someone that allows their pride to keep them from making am ends for their mistake.
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Far too important not to borrow..
When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing. |
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“You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them. (Iyanla Vanzant) |
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C'monnn guys, enough with the penis pics. Ok, so you have one. I assumed you did. I get that you're all proud of it, but if your penis is what you consider to be the best thing about you please just move on
Show me your mind..
Your heart
Something more than your penis |
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I ache to be consumed by, addicted to, besotted, smitten by and utterly devoted to something unfathomable, consequential, and real |
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“It’s a lack of clarity that creates chaos and frustration. Those emotions are poison to any living goal.” |
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"Soul mates aren't perfect people. They can come into your life and provide polar emotional experiences from intense love to intense pain. Growth comes from both. And a soul mate helps you grow. It isn't just "...and they lived happily ever after" but "...and they lived!" |
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People in your life are like flowers
and sometimes ya just have to weed the garden. Not much fun but MAN do you feel better when it's done! :) |
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Surely not all here are void of honor and integrity
There must be some of you that remember the trust and loyalty and respect that were staples in the character of Doms and subs alike
I cannot possibly be as alone in this as i feel.... |
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"Glass"
Trying to live and love, With a heart that can't be broken, Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can't be opened. Yeah, we both carry baggage, We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently, And I will do the same.
We may shine, we may shatter, We may be picking up the pieces here on after, We are fragile, we are human, We are shaped by the light we let through us, We break fast, cause we are glass. Cause we are glass.
I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks, And in the darkness of this moment, You see the good and bad. But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths, But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.
We may shine, we may shatter, We may be picking up the pieces here on after, We are fragile, we are human, We are shaped by the light we let through us, We break fast, cause we are glass.
We might be oil and water, this could be a big mistake, We might burn like gasoline and fire, It's a chance we'll have to take.
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I saw this today and it hit home. Thought id share...
Where are You? Why is it so hard to find You? i find myself wondering if You even exist...are You just a figment of my imagination...did i make You up completely in my mind...do i put too much pressure on the details of who You are to create more of a fantasy then reality? Are You so hidden that it is an impossibilty for me to ever see Your light....have i ever spoke with You but wasn't able to see it was You all along? Do my needs and desires make it impossible to understand that You are exactly what i have been looking for and i walked blindly past You without a second glance? Where are You..... |
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Sadly, there isn't a day that I am not appalled by the lack of manners and common courtesy exhibited by men professing to be Doms
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Just how short is kenny chesney? |
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someone i admire reminded me today...
a true Dom seeks his equal at all costs for she is worth the weight of the very stars that encircle them |
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Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other. Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love. The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings. Don't dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you're going. |
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Once you love someone, you love him or her forever. People fall out of trust, intimacy, and respect, not love. |
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“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that that situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
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15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy
Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:
1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question:
“Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” -- Wayne Dyer.
What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” -- Lao Tzu
3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” -- Eckhart Tolle
5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” -- Elly Roselle
6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” -- Joseph Campbell
10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.
“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” -- Wayne Dyer
11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.
13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.
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i saw this and had to repost it...
- A dominant man will not start off by with, 'Bow down on your knees upon receipt of my message!' There seems to be many complaints from women about this kind of ploy as first introduction, and this is reason alone to 'block n’ move on.' (I would advise ladies to use this tactic often and liberally rather than engage in argument or flame wars…life is too short.). Ignore the Insta-Dom.
- A dominant man will not seem ‘desperate’ for your attention. Getting dates or getting laid is not his problem; he can find women on kink sites, at work, or in the grocery store. He knows women, and women are drawn to him. Many women, kink or vanilla, prefer a man who is take-charge both in the bedroom and in life. If a 'Dom' becomes frantic, anxious, or despairing because you don’t write him back every other hour, chances are he has a hard time with the fairer sex. The good news is desperation is easy to spot.
- A dominant man most often will be successful, a maverick, or at least happy in his chosen profession. If he has had some bad luck in his past, it will be fleeting, for he will strive relentlessly to place his universe back into the order mandatory to his existence. If your suitor languishes in poverty, unemployment for years, or hates his job, most likely his dominance is merely a cover-up to appease his lack of success. Though he may not be the millionaire, look for the man who is happy, confident, unique, and/or successful in his chosen endeavor.
- A dominant man will be very interested in you, and not just your sexual needs (though they will certainly get his attention). He will see you as a puzzle, and desire to make sense of that puzzle. The dominant guy loves challenge and that in essence is why so many submissives find disillusion in the vanilla world; most men do not seek challenge in sensuality, they fear it. Submissive women are the most challenging of lovers for they have great fantasy. Their fantasies often require a man to move far outside normal gestures requiring both skill and creativity. How you think about a myriad of criterion will be of great interest to him.
- A dominant man is likely to be damn good in the sack. Most men have their hands full with straight-up vanilla sex. The dominant man has either mastered or has no interest in such elementary play, at least not all the time. Making a woman orgasm many times has left him bereft of sport, so he now seeks a woman who will challenge him on other levels. The dominant guy is going to have a good understanding of the female anatomy, and will persist in finding the keys to your body and mind. He will have done his homework and already experimented in real-time on many lovers. He will be a bit of the Don Juan, if not Don himself; not a womanizer per se, but certainly sexually advanced.
- A dominant man may have all the accoutrement of kink (the whips, chains, and whatnot), but he will not need them to be dominant. A whisper, a word, a look, a swagger, and a touch are the essence of his talent. Confidence is his weapon of choice, not bragging about his dungeon. Those who tout their toys too highly might well be lacking in other departments.
- A dominant man will be very cautious in selecting you because he knows you have great desires, hopes, and dreams, and it is he that has to live up to them. Above all things he will wish to be good for you. He attempts to choose wisely but may at first make many mistakes in his choices as he finds his way.
- A dominant man will make mistakes and have no fear admitting them. The dominant guy knows he is not All Knowing, for he is human. A guy who believes he never makes mistakes or does not admit to them with good cheer is most likely not dominant.
- A dominant man will never send you a cock shot at first greeting and it is highly unlikely that he’ll have one on his profile.
- A dominant man will not beg you for naked photographs. In fact, he won’t beg for anything. He will simply wait till you’re dying to send him your naughty pictures unsolicited and accept them with lordly composure (or a rock hard-on, depending on the photo).
- A dominant man will never lie about being married or already having a girlfriend. If he’s married to vanilla, he’ll simply say so. If he’s dating vanilla, he’ll break up with her before venturing in with another (less he’s doing a poly thing and brings her along, or in an open relationship). The dominant guy is straightforward, will wish to be plain about his true desires and needs, and if he is attached, will be forthcoming with that information. If he’s cheating on his vanilla wife, he will say so. He made his choice and is going for it.
- A dominant man won’t lie about much, though he surely will keep some of his thoughts from you. A Dom who feels swallowing golden showers to be right up your alley may well know telling you straight out might have you running for cover. This is not in itself lying, he’s just taking the appropriate steps first and at the speed he thinks you can absorb them (he may well discard such thoughts as he gets to know you; he will discard his thoughts often). The lying 'dom' will have an agenda that has no bearing on your needs. The real dominant guy wants no part of someone for whom he cannot be good. A man who attempts to get with a woman he cannot handle or vice versa is desperate.
- A dominant man will not be heavy handed in his approach. He will be skilled at drawing you in, opening you up, making you feel at ease or on edge (depending on his tastes). His efforts will seem effortless; even aloof at times. He will grow on you. Capture you. Enlighten you and make things seem clear that may have been once blurry. You will feel better about yourself when communicating with him (even if your desire is to live in debasement!). Only an impostor will try to tear you down in order to raise himself to higher ground. The dominate gets off by watching you soar, not fall.
In essence, taking on a submissive is both invigorating and empowering yet also a humbling experience. He may err constantly, particularly if he is new. Yet he will always, always strive to be better, and though he longs and seeks challenge, he will avoid that which he knows he cannot handle, or will in some near future be unable to handle. It may take time but he will understand his own limits as well as his woman’s.
A submissive is a truckload of challenge (ask their ex-vanilla lovers), and so the dominant man needs you like he needs air. He wants your worship not simply for worship sake but because he has gone beyond the call of the norm, ventured into the realm of risk, and passing across the dangerous abyss where footing is treacherous, hopefully breaks into the sunshine of success offering you something glorious. THAT alone is why he seeks your worship; because he has earned it and deserves it.
If a man does not seek risk and challenge in his life, if he wishes worship without venturing his ego, if he does not persist continually toward excellence in handling a woman as he does in many things, he is not a dominant man. |
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"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living." |
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just when you're about to give up... |
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Thank you for the insightful emails. |
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So why doesn't anyone say hello? You look, but that's all...why? |
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I want to consumed by, addicted to, besotted, smitten by and utterly devoted to something unfathomable, consequential, and real. |
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again, thank you, all of you, that have reached out to me with kindness, love and support. i am trying to return each and every note, but if i have missed you or just haven't gotten back to you yet, please know that your kindness has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. |
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Thank you, all of you, for your kind words, your prayers, your encouragement and your love. It helps, it truly helps... |
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I'm sorry I've been out of touch. I'm dealing with my mothers final days. Keep her in your prayers, please. |
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received this today... absolutely loved it!
If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you were never worth it. |
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do you men truly think it's cool or smooth or funny to make crude sexual comments to a woman you don't know?
please, if that's your idea of an introduction, don't bother. |
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Saw this on a profile today and couldn't resist. It's a great beginning for the list of qualities i seek
Outspoken not rude
Confident not cocky
Precise not variable
Intelligent not conceited
Expressive not closed
Happy not medicated
Creative not conforming
Imaginative not dull
Spiritual not religious
Artistic not artsy
Chivalrous not entitled
Humble not superior
Disciplined not astray
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one of my favorite e mails to date:
A mind and a strong will is key to a good relationship. The fakes will doubt your submissiveness because they have no idea how to handle your strengths. Your true dom will know - will should be bent not broken, molded not demolished and rebuilt. You would only reject being treated in such a manner. You deserve respect and a real man will be able to give you everything you both deserve and desire.
So wonderfully said... |
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