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MissImmortalPain

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It is highly unlikely that I will find what I am looking for here. What I ask is far to much for most to deal with. I would love to go into a long and drawn out speech here about what it is that I have been looking for my whole life but I think it would be easier for me to explain person to person. Which I will do, if given good reason. Just keep in mind I am a sadist, my ideas can get extreme, I believe in female supremacy and I do not intend to change who I am for any one. What you(the reader) might want to know is that I begain my life in bdsm as a submissive at the age of 15. I was lucky enough to have "fallen" for a Dom that told me to wait until I was 17 until I came to him. Which I did and in time I learned everything that could be learned about what the word submission really means. Sadly by the time I reached the age of 22 my Dom(though he was never really that) told me that at my core I was not submissive. That I had the ability to give up my soul for another human but that do to my other limits I would at some point or another choose to never do such a thing. He was correct and since my 23 birthday I have held the postion of "domme" ,or mistress(I hate that word) over every man I have ever known,and a few women as well for that matter. I have over the years come to see that many submissives really only want to.....get their rocks off, be told what to do, and not have to worry about being responsible for their actions. Oddly enough I don't really have any issues with these things as long as the person is honest about it. If you want your ass beat....say you want your ass beat. If you aren't into service and don't want to do dishes....say you don't want to do dishes. If you are a bipolar basket case that needs someone to always be holding your hand....admit that too. I do truely understand that a real submissive is a gift. There is nothing I will not do for the right person. The honest person. The person intelligent enough to understand that in the same way that they are human I too am human. I will not give up time to someone that lies to me. Hides their real feelings from me. Or expects me to be perfect. If you want a size four, screaming bitch, that is always on top of every little move you make do us both a favor and move on. If you, on the other hand, understand that I am female. That women truely are the better gender. That we are not always "on" That we do sometimes cry. And that to hold a womans heart in your hands is the most important thing you can ever do....feel free to message me. Meus Opus Magnus

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1/14/2016 1:23:50 PM
I have been gone for some time. If you wish you speak do it now. I will not seek you out

7/10/2015 7:56:01 PM
For anyone that actually still reads this and might wonder where I have been...

I took some time off and decided that maybe I should take a look at the time other side again. I did and was, as always, upset at my own inability serve. I put a great deal of effort into what I did and found that there is still no way in which I can kneel to a man. Not even that man. The one that started me in this many years ago.
It just can't be done. I can not do it. I can serve but there is not love in it and it seems whatever is there will turn into hate.

So to return to my true path I have taken on a young one. Well, younger than I am. He is new and strong and the word freak doesn't scare him. I am sure it will take some time to teach him correct manners but I have always enjoyed doing that. It is nice to again be the mother that holds the rule book and the whip.

Peace, children, Mommy loves you and this will only hurt for a little while.

5/29/2014 9:25:44 PM
I am in a rather bad mood lately. I feel I have been being to nice to many people who do not deserve it. Someone should buy me something....maybe chocolate or a pretty dress. I feel the need to be treated as a lovely doll at the moment.

3/13/2014 2:52:30 AM

You slip back into those old roles as if they are still there for you. They are not. You ruined any chance at that a long time ago.


1/29/2014 3:45:00 AM

Perhaps you have, again, forgotten how things work in my home. There are no safe words here. No safe places to hide from what I want. To be able to stay you will follow my rules. Bend when I tell you to. Do as you are told. The other boy has learned so quickly. It only took marking him once for him to decide it is best not to argue. I guess it is time to show you why it is best that you not argue with me either.


11/24/2013 11:17:49 PM

I had the chance to again to share a meal with that wonderful boy. He is so charming and fun to be around. He still seems to get a little tense around the other women that were there, but I am getting used to that. When we are together he smiles, laughs, and enjoys what we are doing and that is all that really matters....to me anyway.

We found out we both love Italian food and books. Though some of the music he enjoys does give me an icky feelings hahaha. I will be so happy when I get to see him again.


11/21/2013 7:31:21 PM

A new munch to go to....this should be interesting.


11/3/2013 4:22:48 AM

They are both nice young men. The one that makes me giggle and the one that makes me sing. I think I hurt the ones feelings tonight though. I imagine I won't be hearing him sing for a few days now. Oh, well, there is still the one that has me working so hard now. I never thought pegging would become a pain in my ass hahahaha. I am just happy that everything is going to well with the honeybee now. Even if I do have to admit that if that girl doesn't stop telling people we are "dating" I am going to have to beat her ass.


10/25/2013 5:06:48 AM

That soft smile. Those pretty blue eyes. I just wish his hands weren't always cold hahaha.


10/19/2013 3:52:52 AM

Alright....so, I have become very picky lately about the people I allow in my life and the people I don't. It is all that damn boys fault. He acts so much like it is an honor just to get to breath the same air that I do. Okay, don't get me wrong, I have always wanted someone that thought like that but he is getting a little over protective which is weird because you would never know it by looking at him.It is sort of twisting me a bit. I have in my life time done things that no one should. I have scarred, marred, and wounded others in the name of nothing other than watching them cry and twist in the wind but this boy....damn this boy, I want to be his friend. What the fuck is up with that? I really would like to know. Most who know me know I don't commonly make friends and when offered the use of a lovely young mans body for whatever I want I normally do just that, use it, but for some reason the fact that he is afraid of relationships makes me feel sorry for him? Surely I don't actually feel sorry for him. I have felt heat for months. We have played games that have made my pulse raise to the point that I have thought I found the other side. From even the first time I found passion, lust, desire, but this? Is this pity? Do I want to protect him the way that he wants to protect me? And why on earth do I want to protect him at all. We were just playing a game....it was just fun.....I am way to old for this shit. Blah, stupid boy, some times they serve to well. Sometimes they kneel to often. Sometimes they make you wish you were really their mommy so you chould shake them, stand them up straight, and protect them from the rest of the world....even if part of that world is yourself. I guess for now I will continue to be careful about others. I will let him shine in what he believes to be the light of love. I will enjoy him for as long as I can.

And of course there are ...you others hahaha.


9/29/2013 6:18:50 AM

*random update*

 

Okay, so I didn't lose the boy, and, I got my girl back. (yes this pause is so you know I am smiling) Life is never so overly easy that we just get to nap when things need to be done. I did get to take a bit of a nap for the last few days as I was in the hospital....who knew a lack of salt can kill you? Well I didn't but it is fixed now so back on track we go. I have been thinking a lot lately. Thinking maybe I need to make time for something a bit older. A fine wine, a dark brandy, a whiskey who's pain you can hear when you pour it into a glass. I sat and drank with him a few days ago. The old man (insert a laugh or two here) We talked about everything we had been doing so far this last year and why we hadn't gotten together just to say "fuck it" get drunk and forget why we ever want to drink to begin with. Our relationship is an odd one. Very much one of those been there done that, even though it took forever, kind of things. We talked about fields that don't grow and kids that are already grown and bad music and good music. And old dogs, and whiskey, and watermelon wine. I have never really known what to tell people about him. He is old enough to be my father, though age stopped meaning anything to either of us a long time ago. Yet when we talk he feels like he is my age or me his. He calls me bitch. I call him daddy. I call him old man. He calls me her royal highness. It is an odd game of words we always end up playing with each other. Always ending in him laughing and me making the worst jokes.

He can't be around much anymore though and well I have to admit there are times when he can't keep up with me. He did gift me with a wonderful dark green bottle though. He says it is older than I am and twice as mean hahaha. He told me find someone to share it with. Someone who thinks like I do. I think I would be happy if I could just find someone that thinks a little closer to how he does. Hmmm, either way, pretty green bottle. I will be sharing it with someone....different.


8/27/2013 6:32:48 PM

And  update....

I lost the baby. I lost the boy that made it. I lost a friend. A week ago I lost my mother. The past few months have been more than a little hard but I am still here. I am still me. More people depend on me than did just a few short weeks ago but I will deal with issues as they come. I am the youngest but I am the strongest as well. My father needs me to be there for him. As do my sister and brother. I have set aside any form of play for the moment to deal with the family. The kids. The turmoil.


7/20/2013 12:13:02 AM

When I asked what he really wanted the sound of his voice cracking almost broke my heart. There were tears on the edges of his eyes and I knew it took everything in him to say it. "I want normal" I could hear the misery in his voice. The pain it caused him to say it. I couldn't seem to explain to him that there is no such thing as "normal" That most of what people believe to be normal is just a shadowy cover they put up to hide what they really are from the world. They don't want to be judged or looked down on so they try very hard to fake it and be like everyone else. Something that can't really be done because everyone else is different too. He is young and the many years that separate us draws looks from friends as well as strangers. It bothers him that he can call me mom in public and people think I really am his mom. It bothers him that he still gets carded for drinks, cigs, etc. when I haven't been carded in a very long time. It bothers him when I call him my "baby" because he doesn't know if it is just a sweet kind of affection or if I am making a joke about his age.

I know that his doubts and fears will, at some point, cause our relationship to end. I hope before it does I can find a way to help him. Help him to better understand himself and why he really should stop looking for "normal" as it has been my experience that people who try the hardest to be "normal" are very rarely truly happy. That forcing himself to give up his interests will only bring more sadness.


6/29/2013 6:30:56 AM

This will be about pain. This will be about suffering. This will be the test that draws the line as to if we have a future or not. He will remain in the backyard tied to that post until he makes up his mind. I will not feed him, water him, let him shower, or change. I will send others to check on him until he has a final answer for me. And no matter what that answer is I will do as I wish. As I see fit for myself. I have lost what mattered the most to me about this "relationship" and I am no longer willing to play games.


5/18/2013 8:40:48 AM

As many might already full well know....I love my bath tub. I also now love the feel of his chilly slippery wet hands in my bath tub. He is very good with soaps and oils and I do even like it when I spend time in his home and we lay on the shower floor as he rubs my toes.


5/11/2013 12:17:45 AM

Well fixed that problem...with a new boy :) It is funny there haven't been this many in my home in some time. I normally only want one. But this is rather fun. Honey bee is overly needy. The old man is just a little boring. The gurl finally calmed down but I fixed it all with 24. He is so happy and playful. I like just being around him. Not having to ask for much. He is quick to want to help. I think I have found a place for each of them but at least for the moment 24 is my favorite.


5/3/2013 6:27:28 PM

So what is a dominant lady to do when she is tired of living the "lifestyle" and just wants to go back to living her life?  I have never been the biggest fan of protocal, rules, or having to follow someone around to remind them of their place in my world. I admit it hurt me watching him cry before he left. I admit it bothered me a great deal watching the other one try to explain his mistakes. I admit that even the last of the bunch has now bothered me and the girl is even worse than the boys. I'm really starting to think that perhaps I would just be happier if I were alone for awhile. Service is nice but needy grabbing hands, begging eyes, whispering wishs to be the "only" one bother me.


4/24/2013 9:18:07 PM

Wow, a long but wonderful day. Baby daddy, better known as my little honey bee, sent me flowers to both make up for his bad attitude the other day and to tell me he wants to go to the next doctors apt with me. He is trying very hard to be a good man and take care of things, which is very funny because often in public people think he is my son. I think it is very sweet of him though considering the flogging he took the other day for being lippy to me. I really should try to be nicer I guess. The pregnancy hormones are making me a little bitchier than I would like, but it doesn't seem to bother him. Such a wonderful boy.


4/21/2013 2:36:46 PM

Went to see the honey bee and had to do a little humiliation to put him back in his place. I will be seeing the marine tonight. We are going to go to the lake and watch the sun set while talking about grown up things. It will be nice to hear grown men talking.


4/20/2013 8:11:49 AM

I'm going to have a childish moment and just say !Yippy! I know a lot of people don't think it is  very dominant when a person does something like get happy because their ex is moving states away, because their new boys are going out of their way to make them giggle, or because they keep getting good news, but oh well it isn't as if I care what other people think is dominant. The truth is after six years of fighting to be myself I don't have to fight anymore. The ex really is leaving, thank god. At least two of the new boys believe they are deeply in love with me (I won't get into that but it does make me giggle) The doctors, even though they are rarely on my side, even keep telling me how well I am doing. I will be walking again soon and the baby is just fine. I am on an upswing of singing and laughing and just enjoying life right now.  As one of the boys said the other night. "All I want is loud music, uncontrolable laughter, rough sex, and cuddling after" Life is good.


4/15/2013 11:04:09 PM

Torn between two sides. No I really didn't mind him calling me mommy...until I got pregnant with his child. Yes, I did like that he can be agressive....until he put his hand around my throat. Now don't get that last one wrong, I can switch for him. I can do just about anything if it helps someone grow, but the hormones are putting me a little off right now. I don't want him to call me mommy because he needs a mommy. I want him to say it because I'm going to be the mommy to his child. I think it is cute that he wants to be "mean" from time to time. But he blacked out and doesn't remember all of what he said, or did, and that bothers me. He is so young and so quickly moves back and forth between what he really wants and trying to be "normal" that I feel sorry for him. I don't remember it being this hard except with one other. I know why it was hard with him. I actually loved him. I don't like the thought that the honey bee might actually be in "love" with me. We weren't supposed to get this close....it isn't what I wanted. I know a baby can change some things but I can't let it change this. I need to find a better way to make him understand.


3/26/2013 10:23:33 PM

Hmm, what can I say, what can I say? I think I love the taste of honey. Dripping it across that boys skin and watching him squirm around while I lick it off. Listening to him suck in his breath and try not to move. Poor boy would be more happy if I took that cage off before I lick him....but what would be the fun in that. He is so pretty. Watching his eyes fill up with tears of frustration. "Yes, my little honey bee, your lady loves you" "Yes, my pretty boy, mommy will take care of you" "You are such a very, very, good boy" Pushing him off the bed and watching him kneel there, whimpering, was almost enough to make me let him fuck me....almost. But no, no, no, that cage has to stay there. That pretty jingling sound the lock makes has to remind you every day who you belong to. Maybe in a few weeks I will let you get off. Until then...I love the taste of honey.


3/24/2013 3:37:18 PM

How many boys can you put in cages and still keep track of the keys? There has to be a punchline to that joke. The honey bee went back in a cage today even though he has been very good I think I will test how long it will take him to protest now. The ginger with the gun asked about cages last night while I was drawing on him. It is still a little odd dealing with him because he and the honey bee are friends but so far no large issues. The teddybear has now made it almost three weeks in his cage. We will see tomorrow if it comes off or if he gets left there longer. I was already holding the puppets keys and Heathers boys keys while she is gone and I have to admit I am now wondering at what point I will confuse one key for another. They each have their own tags so I know it shouldn't be a problem but I keep waiting for one anyway.

I am having the most fun with the honey bee. He had a fit today about my phone going off and as a reward for complaining he got to spend time at the foot of his own bed on his knees. I think he just wanted more attention....how do you get more attention than me actually being in your house? He is, at times, so silly. His silliness is made up for though with a great deal of devotion. He already wants to move closer to me. He is upset that I will not allow him to move in with me....but that is not even close to happeing anytime soon. He is young, strong, fun to have around, and very useful....but...no. Just no. My house has to be cleaned and cleared of the past before I will let anyone try to start something new in it.


3/19/2013 9:20:07 AM

Tease and denial, tease and denial, repeat over and over again honey bee. I'll even let you put it in a couple of times but there will be no getting off for you <this was the conversation we had this weekend and it was fun. The boy is still learning but he learns quickly :).


3/11/2013 2:22:17 AM

Still dealing with issues and setting rules. I still just adore the new boy. He trys so hard to make joy around him. He did slip and have a bit of a sissy moment the other day but I can forgive him seeing as he trys so hard with everything else.

I worked last night with another new one. New to WIITWD. New to letting a woman tell him what to do. New to just about everything. He did very well though. Followed the set rules and was smart enough to say stop when he hit the point that he could no longer stand the pain. He took a lot before he hit that point too. It almost made me want to charge him less for the session. Almost.


3/6/2013 2:23:36 AM

Making more rules. Defining more limits. Holding my hand is good as it gives him time to think. Kissing will have to limited because it makes him far to happy and he often giggles about the way my hand tickles the back of his neck. After years of dealing with someone that was old before his time I admit I had forgotten how quick the younger ones get excited. He is so much better though at simple things like cleaning than any sub I have known in years. I have never seen a man jump so quick to do dishes in my lifetime hahaha. I also have to admit that I actually miss him when he is gone now.  All playing and games aside he is a very sweet and honest boy, something else that I have not been used to in the last few years.

 *because I forgot to add*

 Not only does he know enough about PT that he wishes to help me learn to walk again but he wants to put me on a Harley and teach me to ride again :)


3/4/2013 1:28:04 AM

Oh, my, someone might have to save me from the boy that shows up in the middle of the night with roses and says he just wants to cuddle.


3/3/2013 12:14:26 AM

I took a very deep breath and spent the last few days at the new boys place. I told him I wanted to see how he did things on his own.....of course that didn't last very long. He very quickly went straight into wanting me to show him how to do things in the correct way. He slept on the floor while I slept on the bed. He pointed out that he has not really healed from the lash. He admitted again that I scare him so much that it makes him shake. He cooked, and cleaned, brought me juice and sat and drank with me. He holds my hand often and gets very shy now when I question him about things. He still answers but he flushs pink a lot now. I would think by now he would be over being shy but, as even he pointed out, I really hadn't taken this much interest in him before. He really is such a sweet innocent little good boy.  :)


2/25/2013 5:35:15 PM

What can I even begin to say about the boy that does everything right. After a very long talk I have come to realize there was a reason he was asking so often. That he knows what it does to me and it makes him so happy that he wants it to happen over and over again. I told him he should go more slowly, my enjoying it aside, after all he is new to all this. He says he thinks he already loves me to much to go slowly. The fact that he keeps doing everything so well isn't helping me to move slowly either. I have no idea how he knew to let me sleep a little later than normal the other day. I don't know what made him wake me with breakfast in bed. The way he let me lay back on him while I ate. The quck way he fetchs things before I even ask for them. It is almost as if he has known me forever and knows what I am thinking before I do. I think it might be a good thing he has to travel to see me or he would never leave....I might not let him hahaha.


2/22/2013 3:02:00 AM

Hmmm, perhaps I was to quick to allow him to sleep at my feet. He took his beatings well and did favor me with a kiss that was perhaps the best I have had in years but the cuddling was a little more than it should have been. He seems badly to need to be held for a very long time after we play. Don't get me wrong...I know all about sub drop and I tended to him with as much affection as I could, but now he seems overly needy. He wants to stay for long periods. He needs to talk until late hours. He wants everyday rather than just times when it would be easy for both of us. He already doesn't like the idea of my work. Though he thanks me often for freely giving him what others would have to pay for. He says he is proud of the marks I leave on him. That makes me smile after so many years of having to hold back. But I do worry a little that he wants me to repeat it so often. Even the sadist in me knows his body needs time to heal. He does not agree.

I will have to find a way to pull him back. Remind him how this began and where it was not supposed to lead. I know he regrets, as I do, the mistake we made awhile back. I know he regrets what it did to me. I just can not seem to make him understand that it is not his fault. It was something I decided to allow to happen and yes it cost me but what I lost was going to taken from me anyway. He knows that I did have a small wish that I would have been able to have it. It has been a hope of mine for many years but not meant to be and in many ways it has helped me to let go of things I never should have held onto. A lie, a myth, not something intended to happen in my life. He gets angry when I say that. He believes he is different, that he can make me believe. I can not bring myself to tell him he is wrong. I have ever only believed one and it was wrong of me to believe him.

Yes, I will find a way to pull him back. No matter how many times he tells me "I love you, but you scare me"


2/20/2013 8:42:14 AM

He only just left but I already miss his cold fingers and his warm lips.


2/18/2013 10:47:49 PM

Alright...for those that wanted to know....I went with the "maybe not" and went back to the boy. He jumped into this all so quickly and it had me worried for a moment but that moment is gone now. I found out something that tickles me to no end. He can not say the word "No" to me. Well he can say it but he can't say it and mean it. I lashed him until he was bleeding and then licked off his blood. I asked if he wanted me to do it again while I kissed his face were the tears were leaving pretty little trails. He said "no" I frowned at him and asked him again. The second time he said "no" but he smiled when he said it. When I told him to come to me he moved slowly then fell to his knees. I put my hand around his throat and before he lowered his eyes he said "I love you, but you scare me" A few hours later, after I cleaned off his back, we were laying in bed cuddling and he grasp my hand. I pulled lightly away from him but he grasp it harder and said "this is mine now" So we slept with me holding him and him holding my hand. We have reached a new level together now and when I look into his beautiful blue eyes I know I am, for the first time in so long, happy to be where I am.


2/15/2013 10:40:13 PM

*Warning, I am about to have a  very girly moment*

He touched my shoulder tonight and called me "babe" and said he missed me. I don't normally get things like butterflys or giggle when a man puts his hands on me .....but....it has been so long since we have had a chance to see each other. Not since the bar closed, well once but I'm not supposed to talk about it. I forgot how soft his hands could be. I forgot about that wicked smile of his. I forgot all about how hot he got when I slapped him and called him a sick boy. The second he touched me I remembered how firm his chest is and how rough he let me get with him. He asked if he could call me, that he wished we could get together and....how do I not sound like a girl right now? He is just a play toy. We laugh like the oldest of friends but then things get way to freak for either of us to deal with for very long. Maybe one more time, maybe I'll get out the sharps for him, maybe I'll tie him down ...then watch him fight it....Then maybe I'll give in for a moment and we will swing back and forth until we really are swinging at each other. Slapping biting, until we chew each other up again....

or maybe not. *Girly moment over*


2/14/2013 7:45:28 AM

Though I am not a fan of hearts and flowers day (I find it rather lame infact) I have to admit that I just got some very nice flowers from the sub down the street and I just adore them. I also got a very nice good morning phone call from my favorite gurl. And... I will be going out to dinner later with the new boy. He is such a cute little teddy bear and seems to have made it over his issues with chastity. I find myself giggling, even this early in the morning, over how nice the day has started. I do hope it warms up later in the day. I would like to wear something sweet for the evening out. It would be so much fun to tease the boy a little while he is still locked up.


2/12/2013 4:52:28 AM

A very long talk, a few well placed slaps, and he gets another week (at least) to get used to the idea of going without sex. I think I will be nice and let him come do a little house work. Maybe it will keep his mind off his lower parts.


2/9/2013 12:11:26 AM

Wow, that is a lot of bitching from someone that has been locked up for only six days. I think someone got confused when I told him he wouldn't be having sex of any form. Sorry about that sunshine but no means....well it means put your dick in the cage, shut your mouth, and try harder not to piss me off hahahaha. Maybe I should have warned him that the trigger has been flipped in my brain. That I really don't care about opinions, desires, "love" Eww at the very thought. I listened to that lie once and I won't be doing it again. If you don't like it thats just fine....move on. This is my world and I'm not about to let another liar go messing with it. Men always have been and always will be the same anyway. I dare one to prove me wrong. Really...I dare you hahahaha.


2/5/2013 12:20:44 AM

I got a new project today. More things for the church I am doing for free, but I'm enjoying it. I will be getting to help the kids with "art" so I know it is going to be fun. It is such a joy to be able to share what I truely love with younger people again.


2/4/2013 4:30:45 AM

Have you ever had one of those moments when so many good things are happening that you think you might be dreaming? Or maybe it is just that I have been trapped in a nightmare for so long that I forgot what the world can really be like when you are open to things. My life has been full of so many people and things lately. The young one, the older one, my girls that I love so much. I can't remember now why I let myself get closed off.

I have been doing some volunteer work with the church and it feels really good. I know that may seem odd coming from a pagan but it really does feel good. It isn't about what they, or I, believe. It is just about helping people. Holding someones hand and letting them know that they are not the only person who has ever felt pain, giving them some form of comfort, has given me something to hold onto as well. That something is my own heart. My own soul. And it is amazing. I will not be angry.....it is not who I am. I will not hate.....it is a useless emotion. I hold within myself beauty and I will share it with those that need it, even those that do not ask, because it is a path to a better place.

If any of this seems odd....you don't know me very well and we should talk.


1/31/2013 9:40:58 PM

Laughing is such a wonderful thing. I thought it might be hard at first, after all he is twenty years younger than I am, but it is really so much fun. The way he nit picks and argues. The way he keeps saying "you can't make me" The way he ends up crying and begging me to talk to him. I haven't had this much laughter in my life in many years.


1/29/2013 2:34:30 AM

It seems I am a very lucky lady. The new one is young but very honest about what he wants. I am also being very honest with him about why I will not make the same sort of mistakes I have in the past as well. I will never again bend to try and believe in something that is not real. This is my world. You have to be strong to be part of it. It seems he is strong so for the time being he will be allowed to stay.

Yes, I am a very lucky lady.


1/13/2013 6:32:42 AM

Alrighty then. I have been getting a lot of pain msgs lately. Little notes or long reports from people that say they are looking for an "extreme sadist" I have no real idea what those words mean to anyone. Most men that have to deal with me for more than an hour can snatch the word sadist out of the air and aim it at me even if it has nothing to do with kink. The other day one said talking to me was like being forced to stick your finger in a rat trap. That he wanted to do it but he knew that it would end up hurting no matter how hard he tried to be nice about it. I am more than willing to admit that he is right. I tend to not be kind to other people unless I know they are broken in a way that my words will only make worse.....and at times that won't stop me either. I have known my whole life that everyone is guilty of something and that rather than deal with it most people run away. They hide thinking that if they just forget about it that it will go away. I guess for some people it works, but none of those people know me. I tend to punish people until they run from me.

At least on a mental level.

When it comes to a persons body. The extreme sides of things. I have very few limits as to what I am able to do. The human body amazes me, it always has. The way it reacts to things also amazes me. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen (short of my childs birth) is another person crying. When those tears fall because of my hands it takes me to a place inside my mind that is very rarely touched. If there were some way that I could request people not ask me about being "extreme" I would. I don't see the things I do as extreme at all. I believe they are as things should be done.

So, yeah, I can't request that people not msg me unless they really mean extreme. I can hope though that if someone reads this, before they msg me, they understand that what I am looking for will in the end mean at some point I will laugh while I lick tears off your face and dig your blood out from under my finger nails.


11/28/2012 7:51:02 AM

Hmmm, where does a domme go to vent? What does she say when the person that should be listening doesn't? I have never been one that tells others her issues but at this point it is starting to cause worse issues. I feel the need to take a very long nap but can't seem to go to sleep. I feel the urge to yell, but only just so I can hear the sound of my own voice over all theirs.

 As some know I have been working very hard lately. Working on walking. Working on the book. Working on "the realationship" (add the sound of horror movie music to that last one if you feel like it) Working with the new "client" I hate that word. It seems rather impressional when this person is someone I actually like. Which is funny because I don't like very many people. I can't seem to just throw him in the rest of the lot. Nasty clingy little perverts. (It's my journal I will call them whatever I like) What he wants is simple enough but I can already see the snake going after its own tail. It will lead him to a place that he can't get out of. And worse yet it could lead to a place I don't want to be in at all.


8/29/2012 6:07:35 AM

Just a quick note for the new young man. Your mind is open....keep it that way. I have many things to teach you.


8/27/2012 10:40:11 PM

For the good boy/gurl who isn't old enough to know who Lynn Anderson is....This the song I was talking about.

I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.
Along with the sunshine,
There's gotta be a little rain sometimes.
When you take, you gotta give, so live and let live,
Or let go.
I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.

I could promise you things like big diamond rings,
But you don't find roses growin' on stalks of clover.
So you better think it over.
Well, if sweet-talkin' you could make it come true,
I would give you the world right now on a silver platter,
But what would it matter?
So smile for a while and let's be jolly:
Love shouldn't be so melancholy.
Come along and share the good times while we can.

I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.
Along with the sunshine,
There's gotta be a little rain sometimes.

Instrumental break.

I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.

I could sing you a tune or promise you the moon,
But if that's what it takes to hold you,
I'd just as soon let you go, but there's one thing I want you to know.
You better look before you leap, still waters run deep,
And there won't always be someone there to pull you out,
And you know what I'm talkin' about.
So smile for a while and let's be jolly:
Love shouldn't be so melancholy.
Come along and share the good times while we can.

I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.
Along with the sunshine,
There's gotta be a little rain sometimes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4wcNVbYOQ


8/26/2012 8:25:17 PM

*giggles like a crazy person*

Thank you very much to that sweet boy that should have had me working for two hours but called "stop" after 38 mins. I will be doing something nice with the money. At least this time you weren't just being a coward about everything. I know why that  last part bothered you so much and don't worry I promise we will be talking about it again hahaha.

As for the bad boy.....drink yourself to death or call me when you are sober. I will not be playing with you again until you can make up your mind. There is no need for the attitude you pointed at me and if you want anymore of what you have been getting be a man and do as you are told. Your gender is a pathetic lot to begin with you do not need to prove it. And kindly stop thinking you can just buy me. I am not a hooker or some skanky net bitch. You have a lot of money but you will never have the amount needed for me to put up with your weakness, your drivel, or your bullshit.

Oh, yes, and to the bitch in the back. You just need to go away. I got what I wanted and won't be needing anything else from you.

 

 

 


8/26/2012 5:06:43 PM

Not everything can be serious.

Not everything can suck.

It can't rain everyday.

So....Laugh when you can. I told someone last night that I only make really bad jokes, but you should laugh anyway.

From the anti joker....

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

What happens if you pour a glass of water over your head? You get wet.

What do you get when you cross a baby and a chainsaw? Life imprisonment.

From the really bad joke guy...

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.

How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carrots.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Where do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream. (I actually like that one)

Laugh even when it isn't funny. You will end up happier.


8/23/2012 12:04:48 AM

What to say about what has been going on lately.

I have gone back to work but it is slow. A few things have happened lately that I am willing to admit put me a little on edge. Things that have made it hard to work at all to be honest. It only takes a few overly agressive people for me to remember why I stoped working. My insides twist at the thought of having to shake another hand. Having to fake another smile. I haven't been smiling much lately and it is starting to get on my nerves. I find myself now often deep in thought about so many things. Power issues. Gender issues. The fact that two days ago I told a perfectly nice man that if he wanted to make me happy he should try hanging himself while I watched. He was crying before I said it and I still couldn't stop myself. The hormones I guess. They had me scared for awhile and now they seem to have me on edge. I know they will calm back down in a few weeks when my body has adjusted to what has happened but for right now there is an edge. A sharp dark edge that puts more than just myself in danger. I really should think about being more careful. Stop thinking about why this happened now, after all these years. Just move forward someone would say. Just get through the next day. Keep pushing and stop letting others push me. Though a lot of them seem to be doing that latey.


8/16/2012 5:35:39 AM

Okay, I had a bad night. Things got a little out of hand. I will be taking a break from anyone new I have been talking to. Please don't ask why or it will only limit any further contact.


8/12/2012 7:35:21 PM

No, boys, I'm not ignoring you. At least not all of you. The time I took off ends tomorrow so I will be back to work. I am not rushing to it though. I have had a few very nice days and a couple nice nights now too. For those that were worrying about my lack of sleep....I slept very well last night and I had more than one "giggly" moment today so I think I just might sleep tonight as well.

Of course those of you that were bad are still bad. No, my giggle will not make me cut you any room to go breaking rules or being rude. Remember I can be the kindest lady in the world until you give me a reason to act in some other way.

Off to get in the shower now. Then to lay down and see if I can find my giggles again.

*side note* I need a pedicure


8/9/2012 9:39:52 PM

Alright I said I was going to take a few days off and really I was going to...but...I gave in today to meet someone new. Well, he isn't realy new. I had meet him once before but never really got into what he was looking for. Today we talked about what he needs and what will be returned to me if I can help him with his needs. Most of what  he wants has to do with body worship. My breasts to be exact. I used to find that sort of thing amusing but it really doesn't do much for me now. My mind has turned to many things over in the last few months for me to take joy in this right now. I find that I keep looking at them like they are animals. Wild things that just need to be placted so they will go away and leave me alone.

Even as a female supremacist I have for many years had a level of respect for men that is quickly going away. I know what started the thought in my mind and I tried to fight it but I don't think I can any longer. I am now often surrounded by pathetic creatures. I find myself wanting to tell them what I really think of them. I know better. No one wants to hear the truth. But I think I should tell them anyway.

Today I gave him what he needed and then watched his blood run off the back of my hand when I hit him hard enough to split his lip open. I held onto his face and made him look me in the eyes while I told him why it happened. I told him about the face I see when I put my hands on him. Why I don't think that face will ever go away. The kind of rage it brings out in me. Why his gender as a whole makes me want to do harm.

I hope that someday the only one that can change how I feel about them now will. But I doubt it.


8/6/2012 10:35:38 PM

Yay, for being done for the day. Yay, for having a couple days in an empty house. Yay, for not having to deal with the more pathetic of the sub sort for at least two days. Not to insult everyone I do work with but some of you really do annoy me a bit lately. The kindest way I can think to put it is...I wouldn't spit on you if your face was on fire. (at least two  of you know who you are) For the pretty little one....I would still like very much to see you sleeping with your head in my lap. You are a good boy but I have to have a little time to myself right now. I am working on something creative and each of you stands behind my art. That is just how things are now.

I believe everyone that needs to at the moment can find me here so I will also let everyone know that scheduling is changing (don't whine because I told you all this earlier) We will be moving from schedule A to schedule A2. If anyone has an issue with this text and I will think about working something out for you. Don't hold your breath for very long in the hopes that I will though.


8/5/2012 6:11:34 PM

I am rather amused. It seems there is still this angry little chicka bad mouthing me to the fetish community. Of course by chicka I mean someone that really isn't part of the commuity to begin with....at least not anywhere near me. She showed up awhile ago out of the blue and refuses to be sucked back into it where she belongs. She really isn't very bright either because she doesn't seem to understand how many people will just come tell me. I keep trying to wish the best for her but at this point I am starting to wish the gods would drop a train on her. I understand that some people really can't get over things. I will admit that at times I am one of  those peoples. But really....move on. I have rebuilt my life into what it was before. When I had real control over things and I don't need your issues. Grow up.

 

Oh a happier note I have been working with someone here where I live and it seems he is a great man. He does spend a little to much time saying he is sorry about my ex but I think he is just trying to be nice. He is very good at taking orders. There is nothing sexual going on and I have to say I'm very happy about it. He seems to be very good at turning the switch off for himself and doesn't need me to explain why it needs done. He did kiss me once when we first met and told me he would give any part of his body I wanted if I wanted it. I had to explain to him that I have to manys times over the last few years given in to someone that would give up his body as a way of manipulating me so I have no desire for it now.

 

Of course I'm not an angel. I did go out and have some fun with a couple of folks. But a couple times was all it took for me to know it was wrong. I have never been that shallow and I never will be for anyone else. The control I have to have now demands that I reach for better things. So I'm reaching.


8/3/2012 2:41:21 PM

Hahahaha I am still in a very odd mood. I thought it would have gone away  by now but it hasn't. The cutest little dragon fly is sitting on my finger and there is a big smile on my face. Banana pancakes :D hahahaha. Okay only one person is going to understand that but trust me it is funny and makes me happy. I had the best time last night. So much talking.....real talking. Real understanding. Real rules. I forgot what it was like to talk to someone who actually listens and doesn't stop me ever three minutes to tell me I'm wrong about something. My goodness wheel chair races really can be fun. Except that part about getting screamed at because someone thought I was going to get run over. Oh, oh, oh, and I had another trip to the bank today. Should I yell the word Cha Ching now. I was really starting to think that all the work was for nothing but it seems I was wrong. Things are actually starting to look up and they might just work out well enough that I can start up with something very useful. Not that what I'm doing now isn't fun and all but it does get boring after awhile and it does force me to have to be "nice" I hate being nice to people that don't really deserve it. I have been doing way to much of that for way to long so now I want to stop. So I am hahahaha.

 

*and* Thank you to the person that sent me the pretty little Baubles. You are a sweetheart and they made my day.


8/1/2012 10:55:03 PM

I am getting really tired of the jumping back and forth so I will make this really easy....NO. If you can't make up your mind I will make it up for you. NO. Stop changing the story. Stop changing what you say you want. I am never again going to be in the mood for bullshit. NO. My world keeps getting bigger so I don't have time for small things anymore. Even if they are just small little lies. NO. I can deal with anything, really I can, except the forever changing of what someone says they want. So one more thing that has been removed me is how much I now care.  I have to hold my own world together and if I have to do that alone I am just fine with the idea. I have to stay sane. I have to stay strong. I will let no one stop me from the things that must be done. If anyone reading this can't deal with that as a reality.....to fucking bad for you compadre. Get it into your head and get it stuck there right now. The answer is NO. I am not going to bend to what you want. I am not going to cave in over some girly bs you thought up in your head. It is in your head not mine. I have worked to hard in the last month to correct errors that were made and I will not make you another one of those errrors. I am woman hear me roar...or something along those lines. I am bitch, don't make me hurt you. Stop trying to screw with my life. Nothing has been done to you except exactly what you had coming. Deal with it.


7/31/2012 2:08:57 AM

I have the worlds most bizzare sex life.

That is all go about your day.


7/25/2012 1:16:54 AM

Okay, it is very rare that I say this....but...I just had a really wonderful conversation with a really nice lady. It is rare that a woman knows just the right thing to say to amuse, entertain, enlighten, and make me feel better. Some how she did all of those things in a very short amount of time. I had a pretty bad day but am happy to say that though I'm still not sleeping I seem to be having a pretty nice night. I was given some new ropes and clips and I got back the tazors that were stolen from me so I am looking forward to this weekend. As long as nothing stupid comes up it should be a fun time. Now if I could just get everything in the house done the way I want it things would be amazing.


7/23/2012 4:53:10 AM

Okay, early morning calls are the worst.There I said it, and I mean it too. I was up later than I should have been waiting on something I shouldn't have been and now I don't feel the least like playing, not even with the voice. Someone should bring me a nice cup of tea and maybe some strawberries.  I could play with food I think and seeing as I keep forgetting to eat it would most likely put me over the top right now to have someone feed me strawberries. I'm debating getting dressed at this point as well. I fell asleep in the snake skin printed baby doll and it almost feels to good to take off. The ruffles on the bottom of it are tickling me in a very nice way. Anyway....off to get some work done and then into the shower. No strawberries today.


7/22/2012 2:05:30 AM

Why am I awake again? Oh, yeah, it was the phone that woke me up. We already did your apt there is no reason to keep calling me back until next time. Now I'm awake for no reason. In a melloy sort of mood though. Which means I am listening to Billie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4FsxtlGi3k&feature=related

 Norah http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hXH5gKIWEA&feature=related

 Carole and some others. I think I'm going to go get in the shower and listen to the ladies.


7/21/2012 12:19:42 AM

hahahahaha Okay so that is the funniest thing I have heard/seen in a long time. Infact it makes it all worth it. Sometimes finding out even the smallest little bit of information can make your day amazing. Well that would be my night I guess. I have been worried about so many things lately that it was making me crazy and that all just got blown away. I have been working to the point of dropping and even had a small issue with someone gettng just a little out of hand at the last apt. But it is all okay now hahahahaha. And I love that there is someone else on the planet that has decided to be "scared" of me. He has good reason to be...even though it was just a reflex on my part. My arm got pretty scratched up but nothing needing stiches. The burn on my chest is worse but in that tickly kind of way. We almost let fire get the better of both of us. I will have to be more careful next time. Still with the added info it made for an amazing night.


7/20/2012 4:44:23 PM

This is to amusing to not share...Blood On The Dance Floor- Candyland http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ali2-Dar1rs&feature=related

 click it. I am sure you will find it amusing.


7/20/2012 12:52:21 PM

I need to throw this out as a quick note as well. Those folks that asked for/ordered pictures in the last week should be getting them in the next two days. If you do not get the picture you asked for msg me to find out why. Remember all pictures had to be paid for by Wensday so if you didn't get your check in don't bitch at me about it.


7/19/2012 12:13:54 AM

I will start with an I'm sorry to the person that thought I poofed on him because he couldn't see my profile. Sorry about that I needed a day to work somethings outs. You are right I should be able to do this without having to limit myself. I will also go ahead and admit I let my temper get the better of me. I don't like being accused of things I didn't do and my brain went very redneck for a few moments. It was foolish of me to think that the person in question was going to listen to anything I had to say. I have known for years that doesn't happen. Either way for some stupid reason I let the same person make my life spin out of control for a moment. I let the actions of another person dictate my own. Which is just foolish

.I have been doing a lot of counseling the last couple of months because I knew this was coming. When you have to go so far as to make up new nicknames and encrypt passwords because you don't want your partner to know you are talking to a doctor then you should pretty much know your realationship is doomed. It was just to hard to even try to speak to him after awhile. I felt sorry for him. Something I guess we big, mean,dommly folk are never supposed to do. I treated him like a human being. Something else we aren't supposed to do. I expected to be treated like one in return. I was told someone wanted a big mean girl but when I acted like one I got called a bitch. I was told to treat someone kindly and remember I am human but when I did I got accused of things I didn't do and told I was hated.

Maybe he is better off hating me. Maybe he is safer there.

Myself, I have to move on. I had pretty much got back in the swing of things as far as pro work goes. And my opinion of realationships went right back where it was in the begining too. Either love is the slowest and most painful form of suicide or it is a very bad joke no one has figured out the punchline to. All I know at this point is it gets in the way. It makes me treat people in a way I normally wouldn't. It makes me forgive things I shouldn't when I can't forget them later. So for the moment I will stick with the counseling and the people that understand I'm a human being too.

I would also like to give thanks to the forum members that have come over to this side to offer me an ear if I needed to talk to someone. For the greater part of my life very few people have ever been concerned enough to want to help me with anything having to do with emotional pain and those of you that have offered your time, your understanding, and your good wishes, mean more than you can know right now. Thank you.


7/16/2012 12:57:47 PM

Wonderful little song someone sang to me on the phone.....

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF8kJvgp0_Q

 

 and yes he did the french too. It was lovely.


7/14/2012 3:24:31 AM

I woudn't normally do this but.......Yay, yay, yay *jumps up and down* (so to speak) I got play with "daddy"

Sorry I'm calm now.It seems there are a couple people reading my journal that seem to be worried about me. I want to say thank you....but stop. Yes, I broke my leg. Yes, realationships just suck in general. Yes, I am working to hard again. Yes, I seem to be not sleeping again. But REALLY stop worrying. I'm actually doing pretty well. Okay, I did lose just under 800 bucks a month in income, but it happens. I know I will have to work harder to make it up but its okay. I am still having fun. I am getting some of the things I wanted before and wasn't getting. If I didn't know better I would almost say I am power tripping.

I have smiled so often lately my face hurts. I have gotten to say what I want to without worry. Something I knew I was doing before that was making me crazy. I have lost some weight. I have been able to work out more....even with the broken leg...and I'm starting to feel really good. And I'm getting to play more. Real play. The thing I was missing the most. The thing I needed so much. Kiny  is back. Mouthy is back. Happy is back.

No that doesn't mean I won't still sometimes scream at my journal. No that doesn't mean life is full of rainbows and butterflies. But it does mean things are better. So stop worrying.

*Oh* And....I figured out this little thing. A sort of funny thing about men and how they lead each other sometimes while trying to get attention. I have gone back to keeping track of some things I knew before and this new little thing about boys is just lovely.


7/12/2012 11:45:47 PM

Just watched the nicest thing happen in my house. I will have to make sure to be nice to someone later :)


7/11/2012 9:36:54 PM

Okay, someone asked about the post the other day so maybe I should give a little more detail. Why did I go find a dom boy and ask him to have his way with me (so to speak) I needed to prove something to myself. I'm sure I'm not the only person who has ever had a moment like that and with everything I have been going through lately, well, it was just something I needed to know. I needed to know that no matter what happens I am still a survivor. That no matter how hard someone pushes me I can always find a way to keep going. I took the short way. I'll admit that. I told him to take what he wanted from my body while my mind tried to find a way into his.

I was asked what would have happened had the boy kissed me, or if the person asking had. All I can say is nothing nice would have. The boy actually did kiss me and I bit him hard enough to draw blood. He didn't try again. He did clock me a good one in face for it but it was worth it. So are the bruises on my breasts and the back of my neck. The fact that my leg is screaming because when I fell he picked me up by my broken leg is okay too. It was all worth it on a level I don't expect anyone to understand.

Add to that the fact that it has been a few years since I had a large, hard, throbbing young cock. Large enough to make me scream when he stuck it in me. Loud enough that he had to put his hand over my mouth so I wouldn't wake someone up. He fucks like a rabbit on viagra and sprays like he is trying to put out a fire. But it won't last. I knew that when it started. He is just a boy and by the end of the night he was crying. I got to lick tears off his face while he kneeled on the floor and begged me to hold onto him. Which no I didnt do. For his own safety he needs to go away.

I have given up far to much in the last few years to not now understand that the next person that lies to me will end up crippled by what I will do to them. The goal now is only in finding someone worth the time to even try. There are so very few that really want to understand. Even fewer who are able to understand. I am now simply a female Diogenes. A simple cynic in search of one honest (hu)man.


7/10/2012 10:38:37 PM

I'm in need of a short term (no realationship) crash test dummie for some test runs on some new techniques. Someone good at paying attention and taking notes (yes you will be tested on it later) If any of the locals I have spoken to lately want to throw themselves in the ring to help me out let me know. I will be sure to make it fun for the other side but I'm really looking for some good opinions so don't worry about impressing me....at least not right now.


7/10/2012 12:45:55 PM

Hmmmm it seems someone does still read my journal. How amusing.


7/9/2012 5:39:50 AM

So I have a real reason to laugh now. It finally really did get pointed out to me....and now I don't care what happens. I let that boy put his hands around my throat. I let him bite me. I let him hit me and all it did was make me giggle. Being able to say the words...."you hit like a girl", "is that the best you can do" and "you are just like all the rest" reminded me why I stoped being sub. Why I gave up on the idea of being a switch. I'm not weak enough, not needy enough, to pretend to be something that I'm not. I can't "be nice" because other people want me to. I can't lie to protect a nit wit who is to stupid to admit what it really is. I really just don't care anymore. If I died tomorrow it would be on others to figure it out. I shouldn't care who holds their hand....no one holds mine. No one ever has, or will. I have tired hard in 42 years to believe in at least three people. Each lied but I see the humor in their lies now that I didn't see then. Now everyday when the pain backs off just enough to allow my mind to work well I laugh. Pathetic and sad stupid little creatures. Run from what you know is the truth....run and hide...it is what you do best. The sun will burn out. The green earth will die. And everything will grow cold. Still what I know....the truth....will not change because you are all to weak to do what is needed.

 

 

*Oh* p.s.....stop saying I look sad(I'm not) Stop trying to offer me comfort(you will never be the person that can do that) and stop saying "I love you" when you are drunk just so you can say you don't remember it when you are sober(it makes me sick)

 


6/19/2012 3:41:56 AM

Pain inspires. Love destroys. Misery is a warm comfort when the world goes away. When darkness comes and the only thing left to listen to is the sound of your own heart breaking.  Pain puts pen to paper and draws out whatever remains of what used to be a pure soul. What used to be the voice of creation is now only the sound of angels crying in the darkness. Lost and broken it is only then that the colours begin to change.  Begin to become something different than they once were.  Pain makes one fight for the next breath. The one that won’t come because it has been held to long to remember it should come. It is pain that drives one to fight for what is needed rather than just the comfort of what is wanted. Not flowery lies and fairy tales told to make one believe in something that is not real. Love makes one lazy while pain makes one move. It is with depth of breath that I speak these words. I can see the colours changing. I can see them twist their path and I rejoice in their song. Pain opens up the world to everything it can and will be. I embrace it so that I might share it with you. So that I might show you the true way into the light.


6/15/2012 12:14:43 AM

Yeah, okay, so it was all lies. Everything I heard over the years. Everything I believed. Everything and I want to kill someone. So to save me from doing something stupid and someone else's life I am not at the moment looking for anyone. There is one person that I will speak to kindly....I am sorry I put you off for so long (you know who you are) we can now move forward without worry about what might have stoped us. Everyone else, give me some time. I have never before  been the kind of angry that I am right now.


3/19/2012 4:38:03 AM

Because she sang

 

   The bar is smoky and dark with jazz and the smell of liquor hanging in the air. It reminds him of a bad paperback novel, or a black and white noir movie he vaguely remembers from his childhood. This can’t be right, it just can’t. People can’t smoke in bars anymore, and jazz really only happens in the south. But here it is. Tear drop lights hanging among the ivy that peeks in and out of the wrought iron above the door. The sign says, simply, Shadows. His mind drifts as he stares at it. How did he get here again? He can’t seem to remember. He was driving, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. He thought he needed to stop. He thought he needed a drink. Why would he want a drink? He never drinks when he drives. Where was he going again? Whose voice did he hear? Was it Billie Holiday? Someone is singing. He knows because he can hear her.

 

   The door swings open freely at the slightest touch of his hand and he is struck by the full force of what he had only barely heard outside. She has to be a siren. He can see her voice reach out to him through the smoke. It is dark and heavy but has silver edges. Those edges cut into his soul. He knows he has to be closer to that voice. So he moves toward it. Swing dresses and wingtips swirl past him. Where was he again? Was he on his way to L.A.? He remembered the Rocky Mountains as he crossed them. He knows he has been driving for days. But the voice takes him away from remembering. All he needs is to get closer to it. “Hey, Mister, watch your feet” What was that? A young lady in a short skirt with bobbing blonde curls touches his arm. “Hey mister” she squeaks in a nasal voice. “Do you need something, Mister?” He looks down at her. Big brown eyes, a strap around her neck, a tray in her hands tell him what she is. A cigarette girl, now that can’t be right?  No, there are no more cigarette girls anywhere. “Mister, you need something” She asks again. “Cigarettes, maybe, gum?”

 

   “I need a drink” A high pitched whistle makes him turn his head, and the girl is gone. “Over here Jack, let me set you up” The whistle has turned him toward a large man. He is stocky and in need of a shave. “What can I get you?” He asks. His voice is deep and sounds old. “I don’t know. I need something” He turns his head toward the voice again. Booming laughter from the large man strikes his ears. “That’s Lilly, Jack. Everyone needs Lilly, but you need a drink” That’s a rocks glass his brain says as it is pushed into his hand. What’s in the glass, he thinks for a moment, before he turns. The voice has stopped and it seems wrong. Almost as if the world will stop moving because the voice is no longer there.

Watching her move is like water. The long black dress, the long red hair that spilled off her shoulders, the way her hips swing to their own music. She is water in motion. And then, again, there is the voice. “Did you find us a young one, Rocky?” There is a deep chuckle from behind the bar. “He needs something, Lilly” When her lips part this time he can see it again. The silver edges of her voice. “Of course he needs something. He needs a drink” Her hand is as cold as ice as it touches the back of his. She leads the glass to his lips and presses it softly against them. It burns. The liquid in the glass burns and makes his eyes water, blurring his vision, making it hard to see. “What’s your name stranger?” Again there is booming laughter behind him.  “His names, Jack, Lilly” Her hand slides along the side of his face. She is very close. “Is your name, Jack?” What is his name? He can’t remember. “My name is” He pauses to think. “It’s Jeremiah. My name is Jeremiah”  

 

  She leads him and he follows without thinking. The other people around them seem to fall away. They become pale and fall in piles of dust to the floor. He coughs and she presses her lips to his. Her lips are warm and her tongue is sweet. Her air fills his lungs, making him feel light. They have moved into a different room. It might be a different building. He doesn’t know. There is lace over the windows and velvet on a large bed. Something catches the corner of his eye and he turns from her for the first time.

 

   There is a chair set away from the bed. There are straps attached to it. On the table beside the chair there are small metal clamps. Behind the chair, on the wall, there are lengths of leather hanging. Whips, crops, and rope that light up his mind in a rainbow of memories. Every porn movie he has ever seen. Every moment alone, as a young man, in the shower, hiding his dirty actions from his mother. His first girlfriend. What was her name, he can’t remember now. He can’t seem to remember anything because there is music again and she is humming. The record is old and scratchy he can hear its age. But her voice is young and strong and beautiful. “Would you like to play with me, Jeremiah?” His brain is flooded with thoughts. “Yes, Mistress” There is horrible pain in his face. Though he didn’t see her move he knows she has slapped him. “Do not call me that. I am a lady not a whore”

 

It is as simple as “Yes, my lady” and he drops to his knees. The pain she inflicts should make him run from her, but he stays. Drawn by the cold touch of her skin and the warmth of her breath. And always, still, the voice.  It pulls at something inside him. Feeding something he has kept buried deep his whole life. As the lash falls on his back he can feel the blood. Over and over it comes down. Over and over he cries out while he listens to her voice. The pain is like breathing. Like sharing something that has never been touched in him before. “Can I touch you?” His voice shakes. “Please” The whip falls again. Her hand moves around his throat. “What do you want to touch? Tell me” As she bends over him, her heels digging into his hand as he tries so hard to breath. She is so close to him that it makes him want to weep. He can feel his own breath come back at him from her skin. Her breasts are large and full. Her eyes dance. And again he hears her begin to sing.

 

   He can see the music fall from her lips. It wraps it’s self around him. There is more pain as his lung become tight. He feel s the pricks of needles through his skin. She pulls at his nipples as she pierces them. He can feel himself building to a point that he cannot stop from happening. “Say you love me” Her voice seems wrong somehow. “I love you, my lady” His body begins to tremble. “Say you belong to me” It is cold and the music is gone. “I belong to you, my lady” He knows in a moment it will happen. Less than a moment if she stays this close to him. Her hand slides under him. Down his chest to the firm place there that he knows he cannot control. “There are two things you should know” She whispers in his ear. “Yes, my lady” His body is shaking hard, he cannot stop himself. “You will always belong to me. Say the word forever” He can feel himself cumming. Legs weak, heart pounding, mouth dry. “Forever” Her lips press against his ear and she tells him. “The other thing you should know is no one touches me” The silver in her voice cuts through him again. His blood and guts spill on the floor as he falls.

 

   It is hours before the police find the wreckage of his car on the highway. They assume he fell asleep and drove into the ditch, striking the telephone pole. They are never able to find the woman that left the red lip prints on the side of his face. They do not question, though some wonder, about the sliver clamps hanging from the rearview mirror. Each of them stops to notice that the radio is still on, even though nothing else in the car seems to be working. And each of them feels drawn to comment that the voice of the lady coming from the radio is nothing short of amazing.


2/13/2012 9:36:31 AM

there is a fine line between despair and ecstasy. I would suggest that those who speak to me keep this in mind.


1/1/2012 9:26:56 PM

Childish Moment...

 

Feels like a little kid at the moment. Want to point and make neener neener noises. You can't make me hate you. No you can't, no matter how you try. Keep sending those msgs it matters not to me.

 

*this is aimed at the man that keeps msging me not the Lady I was actually having a conversation with*

 

Childish moment ended hahaha.

 

 


12/9/2011 9:28:14 PM

This has been stuck, repeating over and over, in my head for a few days now.

 

See it from the outside
Running toward the wall
Seeing from your blinds eye
But you don't know me at all
I've been here
Too many times before
And your tears don't mean a thing
I only come when you scream
I told you

Child don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to hold
If you choose to stay
You'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

Is this what you wanted
Did I make your dreams come true
Your sitting in a corner
Wondering what you got into
You ache for things
You don't understand
That your tears don't mean a thing
And I only come when you scream
I told you

Child don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to hold
If you choose to stay
You'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

There's no such thing as fate
Only yourself to blame
You never walked away
I told you

Child don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to hold
If you choose to stay
You'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

Child don't follow me home
You're just too perfect for my hands to hold
If you choose to stay
You'll throw it all away
And I just want to take your innocence

And I just want to take your innocence
I just want to take



10/7/2011 11:07:26 PM

Haven't updated in awhile so this will be short but for those that have been asking. Yes, p.t. is going ok. Still not healed all the way. Still not walking, but working on it. Some things just take time I guess. Had one of those odd little talks that people sometimes have with the dom who has now gone back to being more of a friend(not sure why) He has been doing some amazing things lately and I am really proud of how much he is getting done. That seems rather weird to say because I have always known he would do amazing things someday....but anyway yeah. Still trying to work things out between him and livein. They have of course all those common issues that people have at this point. I have to admit I find my place between the two of them rather strange, but funny. I made someone angry yesterday that I wish I hadn't. I really do need to learn to keep my big mouth shut. After all honesty is like sunlight and people used to think that was good for people too. I saw the suicidal sub the other day. Though I guess I shouldn't call her that now. She finally went and got some help and I take it from what she said that she is doing a little better now. I'm happy that she is finally finding her way and I hope she stays well. Anyway like I said this is going to be short. I just wanted to let a few folks that I haven't had time to msg know what is going on. Thanks to those that have sent well wishs.


5/30/2011 6:03:09 PM

I have never let words fail me before, so I won't let them do it now either. I haven't written in awhile and I guess I should get around to doing it now. This is being spurred I admit by someone sending me a message to ask me what I mean by the use of the word survivor in my intro/jounal. I believe I answsered his question and then decided I might as well go ahead and answer it for anyone else that bothers to spend their free time reading my thoughts. It would take far to long to start at the begining so I will leave much of my childhood out of this other then to say I grew up in poverty. The kind of american poverty that says you sometimes go without meals or shoes even in the winter if that is how things worked out at the time. I was molested at a young age and it very early on set in my mind the kind of power and harm sex can give or take away from a person. Though it was more then likely not true I still considered myself a virgin into my teens when I was raped by the first boy I "dated" The act removed the thought of dating from my mind. It is 'till this day something I still do not do. I was lucky and yes I consider it luck to have met a Dom shortly after it happened. He taught me that my life did not end in that moment. That I was stronger than what another person could do to me. Fast forward a couple of years and you will find that even though I knew he was right I became a very angry person. Don't doubt for a moment that I took it out of the people around me. I became your classic man hating domme. All about sadism. All about pain. All about the idea that if I could inflict it I couldn't feel it. < that is of course a lie. I felt it anyway. I spent years trying to find "normal" to find a life not full of rage. For a short time I did find it. In the heart of a man that I thought loved me. We were not meant for forever though. I wish things had not ended the way they had but like all things do they did end. I hope his life is better now, and that he is happy. As for me those years hold some good things. But for the most part they hold bad things. I have taken abuse from him, family, those I called friends only to in the end be alone again. I have nine times in my life heard doctors ask why I am still alive. Been told that I have suffered a mortal injury and that why I still breath is a mystery. But I do still breath. As I said and will keep sayng....I'm a survivor. A recent injury has now left me with the lack of the lower part of my left leg. Still breathing. Still moving....though slower for now. I guess I could say life isn't fair, but no one ever told me it was supposed to be. That is why I picked the words I did for my intro. Lyrics to a song. They say what I often think so I will repost them here for those that don't know the song.

 

I was born 3 months too early
The doctor gave me 30 days
But I must have had my mama's will
And God's amazing grace
I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this love's to die for
Cuz your bags are packed
And I ain't cryin
Your walkin out and I'm not tryin
To change your mind
Cuz I was born to be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

I don't believe in self pity
It only brings you down
May be the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing fast
Who I am is who I wanna be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

Oh a single mom
Who works 2 jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

But I must have had my mama's will
And God's amazing grace
(I'm a survivor)


4/21/2011 10:02:58 AM

Alright angry rant warning. I am rather sick and tired of people asking stupid questions or sending msgs about how wonderfully "slave" they are. I'm going to try and make this very clear for everyone......

 

Yes I am a pro domme. Yes I do have pets. No I am not really interested in a "slave"  because I have never found one that I didn't want to slap the fuck out of(and I don't mean that the nice way) No I'm not looking for money, or gifts, but if you have any wish of being part of my world you better damn well know how to work. I will not be paying for you or any nasty little habits you happen to have. Yes I do own a sub.....get over it. Yes I do have a dom.....get over that too. You can stop thinking "what a bitch" right now. Yes the title fits me most of the time, but that is because for the most part you are asking for it. This site is not a pick up bar, and I am not a cyber whore. If I were you couldn't afford me anyway, so stop asking. Oh and for all the "long in the lifestyle" 22 year old "dommes" and 20 year old "doms"....shut up. Go find a hole to fall in and die already. You are either children playing games you don't understand, or you are con artists making those of us that are real look bad.

 

hahahaha *oh and a side note* for those of you kids that think we are old and boring and you are playing new games. We invented those games. When you can come up with something new that we haven't tried yet be sure and let us know. I'm sure more then one of us would be happy to take a run at it. Until then again...shut up.

 

End angry rant.

 

Again for those that know and those that don't...yes I did go pick up my runaway pet. We had a nice time going over things he needs to relearn, and he spent a  lot of time crying. It was very close to magical to see reality dawn on him. To see the lights go out of his eyes when he fell apart, and then to see them come back when he realized he really is(and always will be) mine. In the end what he wanted was to be held. And what I wanted was to hold him. I now have a better understanding of him, and he has a better understanding of his place.

 

 

 

 

 


4/12/2011 3:40:09 PM

Meishial, this is a name given by gods to make angels sing. Ok and it makes me drool. Sir says I am to be part of a playdate....with Meishial. Also a Dom Meishial is so very beautiful that it makes me want to cry. He will be the subject of my work(drawing) and I in return will be the subject of his.....well whatever he, and Sir, decide in the end. This will be new for me. Though I have taken part in partys before it has never been when I am the center subject as a sub. Sir says I will do as I am told...and to stop smiling when he says that hahahaha. I can't help it *dances around in little circles* This may just be a perv point for me but oh oh oh I am looking forward to this.

Oh and to the nice little sub pet that I had to put back in line last night....see I told you it is best not to argue with me. If you ever wish to be part of my world you will now stay honest and open.You will listen deeply when I speak to you. And I will allow you to buy the stockings and the boots. I will even allow you to kiss my toes.


4/11/2011 3:29:05 AM

Back up. Sit down. Shut  up. Do as you are told or I swear to the god/dess I will fucking kill you....

 

Alright I feel a little better now, but not by much. It did not take as long as I thought/hoped it would for Sir and I to have issues. I am still collared and will remain so but yes it hit today. Sir takes no issue with me still working as a domme, which I think is kind of him. And I have no right to have an issue with the amount of women he attracts to himself,but today he put down more hard lines. Starting with "Get your damn hands off my tags"(dog tags) Ok I really cant help this one. I know it's bad and I shouldn't do it but I want to jerk on them. Tug on them. I'd suck on the things if he would let me. If you don't get it yet military men make me nutty. Something about the uniform. The way they carry themselves. And those damn tags. That soft little jiggle they make when they move. (Roars on the inside) He has also informed me it is time to deal with my oral fixation. I admit to this one as well. I do have a nasty habit of only enjoying being on my knees because of where it lines me up. I have even had subs be amazed by the fact that I am "that kind" to them hahaha. But Sir takes issue with this. Stop smoking. No more straws. And you only do that when you are told to. Which I am guessing from his tone of voice won't be for some time. This makes me sad but I understand the control he wants over my actions. The one that made me want to scream was the girls....Yes I know I said I don't have issue with the women he attracts but tonight it was different. He actually asked me which I believed was best suited to him. *takes a deep breath* Don't get me wrong I know this man and yes I can pick a woman that fits him and his needs. But he asked/told me to do it then spent almost an hour telling me every little detail I got wrong. He went out of his way to point out how she was unlike me, and why he enjoyed that fact. (growls for a whole different reason) I know he was just testing me but for pity sake I felt the urge to stab a man that I would step infront of a bullet for. And as if that all weren't enough I had a horrible little sub issue too. Jim told me today that he loves me. Which means as the other journal entry says I had to dismiss him. I will never again have those words spoken to me. Sir said them once, and when I kindly explained to him that I could not hear them he said it would not happen again. He know why I will not allow it and he respects me enough , and understand me well enough, to keep his word. So again it has been a back and forth day for me. Sir is speaking now of the mark he will put on my body. He teases me with the idea that he has not yet decided what it will be, or where it will go. But I can see the twinkle in his eye and hear the laugh that he doesn't laugh when he speaks.

 

oh and....I broke my keyboard. I guess I really am an angry typer after all.(laugh of the day there)


4/9/2011 4:45:15 PM

If you learn nothing from losing, you have no right to love winning.

 

 The end result is meant to be appreciation, not adulation.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuVW5aBq0V4

 

We live in a world where often others comment on our actions. Where often our roles , goals , and ambitions change quicker then we change our gear. Yet for reasons I will never understand people still seem to want to be patted on the back and told they did something wonderful. Sir told me yesterday that he has never had a sub/slave/slut that hangs on the very air he breaths the way I do. I know he meant this as a complement but I do not feel he had to share it with me. I can tell by the way he moves , the tone of his voice, the way he touchs me when he is happy and when he is  not. Perhaps I am odd in the fact that I would rather see action then hear words. I know when I domme someone if they have to constantly be told if they are good or bad, what to do and what not to,  I don't want to deal with them. This life for me has always been about the same thing. From either side. Watch, listen, learn. Never expect as a sub that you have done your best, because if you do not feel your very breath slipping away when your dom is not happy then you are doing it wrong. As a dom do not question if you ask to much, or to little, because it is your place to have someone whose world spins only because of you. This journal entry may seem odd or rambling to some but being at someone else's feet now has reminded me as a domme why I have had and still have many realationships end. I expect you to fall when we meet. As someone with disbilitys herself if I can drop to my knees and not cry so can you. I don't know maybe I ask to much, from others as well as myself. Or maybe it is just the price I pay for being different.


4/7/2011 11:12:13 AM

    He will either save my life, or kill me. For reasons that are very hard to explain I did something last night I believed would never happen. I was collared. By a man not like any other. I am not submissive, but I will submit to him. I am not a switch, but I will change my role for him. I will kneel, beg, crawl, and bleed if this man asks me to. For a very long time I could see lighting , and hear thunder. Now I can feel the storm. Our lives have touched each others for years and I know that this had to happen. I admit it scares me. I started out as a sub, but this is not the same. I could always play the games. Do what was asked of me. But this is different. I know what he will do to me will challenge me to be better then I am now. Better then I have been in years. When he is done I will either be the very best at what I do, or I will be broken to the point of death. I know what I am saying may sound extreme to many here, but my life feeds on extremes. When things slow down I get bored and I give up on things. I have had realationships end because of it. I feel bad for those I gave up on. Those I drew back from. Those I walked away from in my soul before I ever did in my life. I know he will not do that to me. More to the point this will be the greatest test I could ever take. I have believed for years that many Dom/Dommes do not understand what it means to be submissive. I have a firm belife that one should never ask of another what they themself can not do. So for him, and only him, I will offer my soul. I will do for him what I have been seeking my whole life....anything he wishes. He will know with every step I take that he is my Dom. He will know with every breath I take that I would cut my own throat if he asked me to. If I were not a pagan, and actually believed in such a creature, I would say I have made a deal with the devil himself. I can not undo what I have now done, and I don't want to.

 

If I miss msgs for seem a tad confused in the next few months please give me time to catch my breath. I am still here and I am still me but there is even more to deal with now.

    -Thank you

 

          MissImmortalPain/Joshua's slut


4/6/2011 7:37:35 AM

For those that know, and those that dont. My very sweet little sub(girl) tried to kill herself yesterday. I feel very bad about this because I'm the one that sent her away when she wanted to be here. I can not play domme mommy for everyone that asks though. To the few I have spoken to about it here I thank you for your understanding. I gave up four years of my life to someone that needed constantly to be taken care of even though he came to me saying he wanted to make my life better and my true affection for him was what kept me doing it. But I have come to realize you can not protect those that dont want to  be safe and you can not improve the lives of those that wish to destroy themselves. We walk and amazingly fine razors edge in this world between what we want and what we do for others. We deal with (and some times enjoy) things that "normal" society says are wrong. We are often also the best people in the word when it comes to supporting others. We understand more. We accept more. We are more likely to defend what we really believe in. My life has never been an easy place and for awhile now it has been a very hard one. But I still consider myself blessed to be part of this world.


4/5/2011 5:20:59 AM

About last night......

 

My evening spun around so many times last night that it made me dizzy. I had a session with a sub(boy) that cried in a way that annoyed me, which I didn't believe could actually happen.I had a sub(girl) get drunk and had to go get her out of trouble. Which only lead to her crying because I wanted to give my time to someone else. In the end I did get to give my time to the person I truely wanted to.

 

 corrie this is for you.

 

 

 He kneels for the first time before me. He is finally here where I have wanted him for so long."Do you have anything to say" I ask because I know he is shy. He keeps his head down for only a moment. His eyes are beautiful like I knew they would be. I can see the desire to say so many things welling up in them. But he doesn't speak. He knows there is only one thing I want to hear from him. One thing I told him to remember,and he will not say it until I ask the right question. I put my hand under his chin and tip it up. "The way you look now will not do" He gets up and follows me to a table where things are layed out for him. The skirt. The heels. The makeup. I paint his eyes and his lips for him. He is beautiful when I am done. "Come" I wiggle a finger at him and lead him to my room. It is dark. Black walls. Heavy curtains. Candles lit in a few places around the room. The large cross is what draws his attention first. Things in my room are simple to understand. These are my tools. "Do you have anything to say yet" It isn't really a question so he still says nothing.

 

   He fingers the crop that hangs by the cross. He looks at me and waits. "No" I tell him. "That isn't for you. Not yet" I take his hand and lead him to the bed. "Sit" he does. "You will not make a sound. Not one little sound until you are told to" His eyes answer with respect and only a little fear. I almost like that he is not really scared of me. That I can feel his desire to learn. To finally be free to be who he really is. "You make a very pretty girl" He blushes. I place my fingers on either side of his face and turn it back  and forth. I let my fingers slide down his throat and chest. I stop at his lap and lean closer to him. My breath is warm against his skin. "You will serve me. Only me" His chin moves slowly up and down to show that he agrees. I sit on the bed beside him. I take his hand and place it on my breast. "Begin here" I whisper. His fingers are warm and my nipples are quick to respond. I breath deeply against him. Drawing his face down to the other breast. I can feel fire move across my skin. I breath deeply again. Then as quickly as I let him begin I push his mouth and hands away.

 

 I stand and reach for a whip left on the table by the door. It is brought down against his thighs. They are covered in fishnet and I see him draw in air quickly. "Still nothing to say,huh" There is a pleading look in his eyes now. I am teasing him. He knows I am. I bring the whip down again a little higher up this time. Across his lap. There is a gasp, but no words. "Oh, what was that.Did I hear something" We play back and forth in this way for awhile. Each time I strike him a little harder and each time he trys not to make any noise.

 

   I reach between his legs and touch metal and a lock. It makes me smile. I hold out my hand and he quickly runs to get the keys from the clothing he had been wearing. When he returns he drops to his knees and holds the key up to me. I smile and slide it onto the chain around my neck. There are other keys there,but this one is shiney and new and the one I have been waiting for."You did not come here tonight for sex" He shakes his head no. "You did not come just to play games" again he shakes no. "You are looking for something aren't you" This time his head moves up and down. "I will not be kind you know" He drops his eyes. "But the world will know you are mine and if the world ever trys to hurt you I will protect you"

 

   When he looks up this time his eyes are watery, as if he is about to cry. I cradle his face in my hands and finally ask. "Tell me corrie,what am I going to do with you" He slowly opens his mouth to say........

 

 

   Sorry to anyone else that might be reading but this is where the story ends until corrie and I reach an agreement about what will happen next.

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 


4/3/2011 4:00:28 PM

Sometimes the funniest things happen when you aren't even looking. I spent last night in the company of far to many beautiful young men that all adore me. And as it often happens after awhile I got bored. Well that is to say I got bored until one of them started doing back flips and showing off his bellybutton. Then everything became laughter and joy again. He was sadly a tad to young for me to consider even playing with. I would just end up breaking him, or eating his soul. Still it was fun.

 

*oh* and I won the karaoke contest...go me.

 

On an unrelated note. I have had a few requests made to me here that seem out of place. Yes I am a domme(I hate that word too) Yes I am a sadist(you have been warned) Yes I do sessions as a pro. No they are not free, and neither is watching them. If you were/are about to msg me to ask about these things I just saved you some time.


4/2/2011 10:51:53 AM

Perhaps I should have started here rather then anywhere else. As with every site of this kind far to many send msgs to,and about, things they do not know/understand. So for those that have asked...the LIE I was told was that I was loved. I cared deeply for the person that said it to me but in the end it was infact a lie. Do not for any reason say those words to me. If you say them on this site you will be blocked. If for some reason we actually meet in the real world and you say those words you will be removed from my life without a second thought. Very few, if any, people on this planet know what real love is and since before someone tricked me into believing a lie I did not believe in it...DO NOT SAY IT TO ME. On the other hand because of the last realationship I was in I do now for the last time have to define who I truely am. I know at my core who and what I am. What I can and given the chance will do to another person. Mind your manners and your words when you speak to me or you will get nothing in return. As far as the "lifestyle"(stupid word) goes. Expect if you come to me that I will take you hand and walk you through the gates of hell. Take that to mean whatever you would like it to,but do not take it to mean that I am speaking only in terms of the bedroom. What I am looking for is someone that understands that there is honor in submission and does not expect me to treat him/her as if they are less then human. As my intro says I do know what it means to give up my soul to another human. I expect no less from someone that would wish to speak to me.


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texasdor
 
 Mistress, Age:  28
 UK, United Kingdom
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