Still floating from the weekend.  :) Wishing that I had more free time to make another trip sooner rather than later.

I wanna Fuck you like an Animal.... OMG YUMMMYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

So, who would have thought? Kinky vanilla and long-distance to boot.  But I'm happy. So very happy. 

So.... I am feeling happy and hopeful.  Here's to hoping that a relationship blossoms... as it stands I have a smile on my face much of the time.  I wish I could just demand and have it be so, but that's life.

Anybody in the Waterford area want to join a sunday evening bowling league?  More of a beer league than anything serious.... mostly just to have fun.  I think it would be fun to have kinky undertones, but you must be able to be discrete...

Good or bad bowler doesn't matter, but perhaps we could have some playtime after or something that is based on how well someone does or how badly... like 3 gutter balls, you're getting the strap before you go home or whatever.  I don't know exactly, just an idea to throw out.

Message me if you might be interested.

I wish I had someone special to come home to each evening.  I'm tired of the status quo.

"This _______ is pathetic and you will not be disappointed in it"  If "it/he/she etc fill in the blank" is pathetic, how could I not be disappointed.

I've never wanted a relationship with a weak male, but rather a strong one who is weak for me.

So, things are feeling a little better today.  Lord knows there is more to be done than my brain has the capacity for, but I do have some pretty terrific friends.  Thank you to everyone who has offered a hand even when I haven't time to be kinky.  Believe me, I'd much rather just have some kick ass fun.

Can't wait for things to be *normal* again.

I'm continuing to come on here b/c there are some people who are supportive that I mainly connect with through here.  I really need to change that.

For anyone who thinks of offering their ass for me to help "take my frustrations out on" etc has never had a child facing cancer.  If you offered that to me after I told you what was wrong and after I told you I would not be playing until things are better, please understand that I no longer wish to play with you period.  I don't have room in my life for that.  It's not all about any of us, but that's really selfish on your part... oh yeah sorry to hear that but if you wanna beat my ass... fuck that.  Seriously.

Due to family issues, I will not be looking for anyone to play with.  I'm not sure when this might change.

Yes, I am real... yes I have pictures and a webcam.  I am just not wanting to leave them up for everyone who happens by to look at anymore.

Be yourself no matter what they say... --ty Sting :)

I was thinking in terms of my fantasy fulfillment.  I would love to someday have a place set up where I could play.  One of the roleplays that I would enjoy would be a prison camp where prisoners are put in uniform, forced to do 'hard labor', subjected to whippings, both as part of their 'sentence' and for misbehaviors there... it could be done in a few hours, but I would really enjoy if it could last a weekend or even a full week.

I would probably incorporate some of the fantasies of any friends who came to play, however what actually took place would primarily be about my enjoyment.  Of course, all limits would be respected... but I would probably not welcome someone whose limits exceeded my own by much.  Not unless I really liked them as a person lol.

Make no mistake, the labor would be real.  I would want to have a garden in the summer, there would be shoveling etc to do in the winter.  I think that would be a fair expectation of a "prisoner".  (I love small group play)

An alternate idea would be a reform school for naughty slaves *grinning*  Of course, their Owners could come along and help out in the classrooms.. or if the slave lacked an Owner, we could go on the premise that they had been sent to the school.

I'm not in a position to set this up yet, however it has been a dream of mine for awhile now.  Once I finish school, I'd like to realize it.

Don't be a drag, just be a Queen.... cause baby I was born this way :)

More sexy dreams... in my dream I was with one I loved, had him all tied up in a chair with arms.  The chair had a hole cut in the seat of it for his cock to go through, balls and cock tied nicely to the legs of the chair, allowing just a little movement so that when he shifted, it tugged.  Arms tied to the arms of the chair, torso tied back.  In my dream, I just kissed and rubbed myself on him.  He was a toy for my amusement... I woke before I could cum, but had the dream continued I would have continued just like that until I came and then released him to help me shower and head out for some fun.

I did find it interesting that I did not recognize the man in my dream; perhaps it is saying that love is still to be found?

Miss Robin

'Cause even on a slow day, I could have a three way / Chat with two women at one time / I'm so much cooler online 

Thanks Brad for reminding me of this :D

Just what would you do for an orgasm?  (sing this to the old klondike bar commercial).... yep... now... get creative.  Imagine it's been two weeks straight of teasing.  Just what WOULD *you* do to be permitted to cum?  :)

Miss Robin

So, I've had a handful of requests for descriptions of my fun fantasies... rather than sharing them one by one, I figured why not put them in my journal?  *laughing* Yeah, I know, I could have done that in the first place, but then how would I have known who was Really interested in knowing what sexy thoughts were floating around in my brain.  *grinning*

Hmmmm... let's see... fun thoughts--- one that I had recently was the idea of putting a boy in chastity and giving him an opportunity to earn releases through points... if he does certain things during the week, he can earn points towards coming.  He can trade those points for a chance at an orgasm; of course the more points he has, the more things he could choose... like my hand, my mouth, perhaps even sex... of course earning the points would be humiliating... ie wear a bra out in public under clothes, etc.  I don't think I would be able to (or have the inclination to) keep this up for a long time, but for a month, I could see it being fun... so perhaps, have the game set up to last a month with a prize at the end.  I like the thought b/c it combines elements of self-restraint and temptation.

My favorite part of the points fantasy is knowing how badly a boy would want to cum when he was on the edge--- b/c prior to making his choice of whether to save his points for next week or spend them this week, he would have to edge repeatedly.  On one hand, surely he would love the yummier methods of release, but watching that war within himself as he tries to decide whether to cum then or deny himself pleasure would be hot.  Even more fun would be if his reward came with a time limit... and if he failed to cum within it despite having spent his points.  Can you imagine THAT frustration?  Having saved up points for three or four weeks, being edged, tormented, humiliated... and then fail to release b/c there was a time constraint that you did not imagine would be an issue.  mmmmm:)

Another fantasy that I entertained would require at 4-5 people min; basically 2 couples and someone or 3 couples could work as well... It would work best if it were Domme/sub(orslave) couples with Dommes who can be switchy for play.  The Dommes could wager that their subs were the best at oral... so they switch partners... the boy who does not get a Domme off gets brought to an orgasm by the one who was successful at making the girl cum while the Domme who did come is flogged, strapped, etc.  The corporal punishment does not stop until the losing boy releases.  The boy who did well should be rewarded in the end somehow too.  I like the predicament nature of it, the challenge of skills along with the self-restraint the women must show to hold back from cumming.  I like that the boy who loses will have to experience pleasure while his Mistress bears pain... knowing full well he will likely suffer later for it.  To be practical, perhaps some time limit might have to be established in case there are difficulties in achieving orgasm under that scenario for the losing boy.

Anyone else think this sounds like fun?

Many fun thoughts running through my head this morning.

I'm also wondering why CM doesn't have a keyword search... it would help in finding profiles that really matched your interests!

:)

Hmmm... tired.

Has anyone ever gone to Camp Crucible?  It looks like fun.  :)

Happy Valentine's day, hope everyone is having some naughty (and maybe a little nice) fun.  Next year, I hope I am too.  :)

night everyone.

MR

So, I've been having lots of erotic dreams lately... some of whom feature exes, friends, even one who is gay and whom I have no chance with for that reason.  *lol*  I think that may just be the side effect of celibacy.  :()  LOL

Gracias para la ayuda.  :) 

¿Hay alguien que habla español bien y está dispuesto a ayudarme en traduciendo un poema para mi clase?  Tengo dificultades en este porque las palabras están cambiados y no son palabras españoles verdaderas.... es el mismo que ocurre en inglés con la poesía pero es más dificíl para mi.

Gracias para la ayuda.

Wow-- I am surprised by the response to my last journal entry.  Lots of worried friends contacted me wondering if it might apply to them.  If I am upset with you, I will tell you.  I will not just drop a hint in a journal entry.  There will be no doubt that something you have said or done bothers me, what it is and if necessary-why.  So if I have not sent you personally a message that says why did you do ____ or say _____.  That really bothered me because ______, then there is no chance that this was directed at something you have done.

I do prefer to keep my life low drama.  I don't like it when friends bad mouth one another.  I don't like it when people deceive me intentionally--- even if they say they had no ill intent, a deception is a deception.  Unless of course you are deceiving me so you can throw me a surprise birthday party LOL Then I'd be happy.

you get the idea.

For the record, I am not looking for more complications.  If you are going to be a part of my life it is because you add something to it, rather than bring drama.

xoxo

I am ready for a vacation!!

Woke up this morning feeling motivated.  :)

Some lessons must be learned the hard way, but they are the ones which stick the best.

What a fool I was.  Had I just read through all the facebook entries, I would have known that he considered himself single, months before I had any clue.  And I didn't get it from him first and that hurts even more.  What might have been?  Who knows.  He is a good person, but I'm hoping that this experience was a learning experience for him as well as me.

If you don't have trust, what else is there?  I absolutely HATE finding out things second hand.  It hurts.  Now, I am left once more asking what is real?  

Time flies too fast.  

So happy tonight--- Thanks matt, I could not have asked for a better couple hours.  I wish I were cuddled up next to you still.

Seriously, I think they need some more options to check to help sort profiles.  There are many who are "attached" or "married" and looking to play... wouldn't it be great if there was a box that would refer to that sort of arrangement so those who fit that category could more easily search?  Not a criticism-- although I will say it is MUCH simpler to play if your spouse agrees *smile* it is your life and burden to carry.

I do appreciate those who explain their status in their profile.  The honesty is appreciated.

feeling better today. :)

Had to laugh a little today.  I am taking a translation class and the word "jealousies" seemed to fit.  This young girl says to me "That's not grammatically correct."  Since it was a group assignment, the other girl in the group agreed with her and the only male stayed silent.  I let it go since the sentence could be worded using "jealousy" instead in a way that still conveyed the essence of the words.  Today, she sends out an email to all the group mates about the project and wrote "As I said in class 'jealousies' is not grammatically correct so I changed that..."  So, I had to educate her by sending her the link from dictionary.com to prove that that is indeed the plural form of that particular noun.  If you are gonna be snotty and correct someone more than once about the same incident, you'd best be darned sure you are right.

I hate when I have dreams that make me sad because they are of something I don't have but really want.  And I really hate when those dreams happen more than one night in a row.  I know the whole psychology of it and all... and of course I was thinking more about it after the first dream.  But dang it I need my beauty rest :)  And, no, what I want cannot be bought, it must be freely given.

The semester has started... this means I will probably only be poking around on here about once a week.  I'm already tired.  *sigh*  On the upside, my kid brother cooked me dinner tonight that was good.  I say "kid brother" but he is in his mid 20s.  

I thought it was nice.

So wish I had someone to fetch me some more water right now, but I'm lazy and have to go do it myself anyway.  LOL

Really bummed out.  Apparently with HUD you submit your highest and best offer or forgetta about it.  I offered full asking price.  Realtor said that will be good.  They rejected it, then he said, someone probably offered more.  I was surprised to learn that it is not like a traditional sale where I'd have the chance to offer more.

:(  I liked the house!! and had it planned out in my head.  Now I'm bummed.

So, I'm buying a house.  Any handy subs want to come prep, paint, or do other repairs to get it ready?  I am thinking one-on-one or small groups mixed with bdsm play.  Mind you, if I do not already know you well, we will have to meet in advance and establish that level of trust as this is going to be my home.

Message me if you are interested.

MR

Can any males describe the sensations they feel as they are getting close to orgasm and immediately after?  What goes through your mind at that moment?  What if you were forced to stop and let the erection go down... how would/does that feel?  Are there any activities you are more or only willing to do when you are fully aroused?  Any fantasies that you regularly indulge in but after you cum you think WHY?  Yet the next time you stroke, you think of them again?

Just curious.

MR

So an old friend came to mind today and I had to wonder how he was.  Funny how things like that happen.... and yet the last time we spoke he told me never to contact him again... he was quite mistaken when he said I lied and I had the proof on my phone to show it, but at that point it didn't really matter.  Still I wonder how he's doing.

Huge pet peeve.  Don't mislead me.  If you have a different profile AND I know you already and I contact you on your new profile, let me know who you are.  Seriously.  I felt really deceived by someone today.  I don't appreciate it.  Certain somebody said they didn't have a picture when I asked for one... that would have been the perfect time to confess... although they should have from first contact.  It does not matter that I initiated.

So months of blank space... suppose I should update since journaling is more for looking back than the moment itself.

School is going good... was a busy semester.  Taking classes both at the law school and the university does not leave a lot of free time.  Throw in work and family... and I disappear for 15 weeks at a time.

I haven't had as much time as I would like with matt... would be best if I could see him much more often since we live so close, but....... seems like he is even busier than me, which is hard to do I think.  We've discussed setting up regular date nights so that way the time is reserved, hopefully that will help.

I would like to take a weekend and go away next year too.

Time really does fly too fast.

Hope everyone has been well.

Oooh- Laa- Laaaaaaa

:)

Merry Christmas Eve everyone :)  

up way too late having a very deep conversation with someone who seems pretty darned special.  I teased him and called him the eternal optimist because hope always comes... but it's really me that I am describing too bc no matter how many times I get burnt and how much I want to give up, I've continued looking.

He's not "perfect" or the epitome of everything I"m looking for.  But that makes him more real to me.  I've begun considering ways that I could indulge his fetishes as they are more extensive than my own and he tells me don't worry about it.

It's not about kink although kink is great.  It's about a connection.  About enjoying conversation.

Yes I am scared.  But deep down, I'm hopeful.  I am not scared of him, just of growing to like someone and having it pulled out from under me again.  So I'm going slow... 

And I now know brian's purpose in my life.  I could not fathom why he popped in, wrote up his contract and popped out so fast.  It just didn't make sense to me.  It felt like he massively overreacted to my statements and questions.  (see earlier journal entry).

This new guy read that journal entry and sent me a message that made me smile and want to hug him.  No it was not a come on... next thing ya know we're talking a lot.

:)

I may be a fool, but hopefully I'll be a happy one.

:)  So I'm thinking that it might be time to update my profile.  I think that I am becoming less certain that I will find a kinky guy on here who is close by, looking for similar constraints, who is single, likes kids and cats.

I'm beginning to consider that I might end up having to search through vanillas.  We'll see.  I know what I enjoy, but reality is that meeting on kinky sites has lead me to find most boys that are ready to jump to the physical aspect but who lack the interest in a long-term relationship OR who lack the integrity that I find crucial to such a relationship.  This is not a slam on all guys on here, just has been my experience.

It's frustrating dipping my toe in vanilla waters and trying to find a kinky guy... and putting time into developing a relationship before bringing up the wilder desires I have.

we'll see what happens.